Rating:
G
House:
Riddikulus
Characters:
James Potter Peter Pettigrew Remus Lupin Sirius Black
Genres:
General Humor
Era:
Multiple Eras
Spoilers:
Prizoner of Azkaban
Stats:
Published: 04/15/2003
Updated: 04/15/2003
Words: 2,180
Chapters: 1
Hits: 592

Garrick Randolph

bluemeanies

Story Summary:
Sirius Black's interest in wizarding comics leads to some startling discoveries.

Posted:
04/15/2003
Hits:
592


Garrick Randolph: Werewolf Hunter

As he climbed to the top of the hill, the seasoned werewolf hunter felt a shiver go down his spine. That meant only one thing: he was approaching his quarry. He jumped on his broom and zoomed to the nearby cave where he suspected the wild beast dwelt. Sure enough, upon arrival he saw a man, scraggly, thin and covered in fur with his eyes focused on the moon. Garrick took out his silver dagger and started to approach the beast. There was a glint of reflection off the blade and the werewolf turned around, preparing to pounce. The full moon climbed...

"SLAM"

"James, what did you close the book for, I was just getting to the good part. You know, the fight with the rampaging werewolf?" an enraged Sirius Black said. Over the summer after first year, he had gotten into wizard graphic novels, and was now re-reading -or actually closer to re-watching- his favorite,
Garrick Randolph: Werewolf Hunter.

"Did you know you are annoying when you read out loud," James said.

"And some of us have already read it and don't need you to describe play by play action," Peter added.

"And you did it yesterday as well. How are we going to prank Snape if you keep your nose in a book?" James asked.

"We're going to prank Snape? What's the plan?" Sirius replied, suddenly excited.

"We don't have one
yet. You've been going on so loudly about the werewolf hunter gathering Wolfsbane I couldn't hear myself think."

"Not that he does it much anyway," Peter mumbled.

"More than you do," James replied, sticking out his tongue. "Anyways, I couldn't think, Peter was never all that good at planning, and Remus is hiding."

"I thought Remus was here, in the bedroom," Sirius asked confusedly.

"The second you picked up that book again, he walked out of the room mumbling that he was going somewhere quiet to study. Didn't you notice?" Peter said.

"All right, just wait a second while I put this poster up," Sirius said, walking over to his wardrobe and affixing on the door a large poster of Garrick Randolph: Werewolf Hunter.

Peter had already left to wait in the common room and James just rolled his eyes while watching Sirius carefully Spello-tape the picture.


***

They searched throughout the castle and finally found Remus sitting alone in a far corner of the library reading a book that was too large to be one of their schoolbooks. On closer inspection it appeared to be on the highly uninteresting subject of tile cleaning charms.

"Hey, Remus. You rather read this than come play with us," James said, catching Remus by surprise.

"If by playing with you, you mean listen to Sirius go on and on about that absolute trash, then yes," Remus replied in a slightly strained but level tone.

"Trash!!" Sirius replied in a dramatic hurt tone, "Why Remus, it has to be the best piece of literature out there. It's not boring like the schoolbooks, and the fight scenes are awesome. I can't think of anything grander than fighting a werewolf with my own two hands!"

"Sirius, go away," Remus growled.

"Why?" Sirius said.

"Just go away," Remus repeated, turning his head in the other direction.

"Come on guys. Lets just forget about Sirius's book and devise a memorable prank on Snape. I think something with dungbombs, perhaps?" James added, trying to stop a fight between two of his best friends.

"No, we did dungbombs to much last year, how about making his dinner explode?" Sirius said.

"How about making his dinner sing rude songs and dance a jig?" Remus suggested.

"That's excellent!! We'll make his dinner sing and dance then explode. Come on, we have to get it ready." James said, hoping that the Werewolf Hunter business would be forgotten. And it was until the next full moon.

***

It was the morning before the full moon, and James couldn't help but notice that his friends were acting strangely. Remus looked paler than usual, as if he was coming down with the flu. Sirius, on the other hand was looking positively exuberant. Peter was brooding again, this time over his 65% on the Transfiguration exam.

"James, wasn't the answer to question seven 'concentration'?" Peter asked sulkily.

"No, it was 'enunciation'. I'll help you study for your next test if you're having trouble,
ok?" Sirius said, grinning like an idiot.

"Ok," Peter said.

"Sirius, what are you up to?" James asked.

"Why do you think I'm up to something? I'm not always, you know," Sirius said.

"Come on, you're grinning like a madman," Peter said. "Tell us, what have you got planned."

"Can't tell. It'll be awesome though," Sirius said.

"What's going to be awesome?" James asked.

"You'll just all have to wait until tonight. You'll absolutely love it," Sirius replied.

"I'm sure it's wonderful," Remus said exhaustedly, "But I won't be able to see it.
I have to go to my Aunt Vivian's funeral."

"Oh, Remus, are you ok?" James said.

"Yeah, we were never really that close but it was still a shock. The whole family should be there," Remus said.

"Didn't your Aunt Vivian die last year, tho..." Peter started, but stopped after a firm stare from Sirius.

***

After classes they all assisted Remus in getting ready to leave, despite his strenuous objections, and said goodbye to him at the main gates even though he insisted he could go alone. James, Sirius and Peter settled down in their room.

"So Sirius, what is the big surprise?" James asked.

Sirius pointed to his poster of Garrick Randolph. In the background a full moon had risen and a werewolf was slowly creeping towards Garrick. Pretty soon there was a large fight going on in the poster. The boys watched as Garrick fought the werewolf and was continually put inches away from death or the curse, then rebounded magnificently.

"It's enchanted to the lunar calendar, you see," Sirius said as the werewolf pounced towards Garrick's head. Garrick ducked, sending the werewolf to the ground with a hard thud. The boys stayed awake all night watching the spectacle.



***

When Remus came back from the funeral all the boys excitedly talked about what he had missed. Sirius kept blabbing on about how there was a new Garrick Randolph book coming out soon, where he was going to fight a werewolf-vampire alliance and find true love. Remus tried to avoid these conversations and would silently glare at them whenever they brought up the subject. After a week it was forgotten until the next time there was a performance on the poster. Remus, having to visit his ill grandfather was again absent, prompting Peter to ask how many sick relatives Remus had before James stopped him.


It was now the night of the full moon and the boys were looking forward to a third showing of the "Full Moon Fights" as they had come to refer to them. They were also trying to convince Remus that they were really that awesome, and he would see for the first time that night. However, late in the afternoon Remus said he wasn't feeling well and went to the hospital wing.

As Garrick made a spectacular evasion of the werewolf, using a red cloth and behaving very much like a Spanish bullfighter, James said, "I wish Remus were here."

"Yeah, he seems to have very bad luck. I mean, fates must be conspiring to keep him away every full moon," Sirius said. James gasped and put his hand over his mouth just as the werewolf came dangerously close to biting Garrick's ear off.

"Wow, look at that monster go. Getting rid of dangerous beasts like that makes Garrick a great hero in my book," Peter said. James gave him an angry look, then unexpectedly charged up to the poster and tore it down.

"Hey, James!!! What did you do that for?" Sirius said. "It was just getting interesting."

"Remus," James replied.

"What about Remus?
He's not here, and he might not like Garrick Randolph but that doesn't mean he'd want you to tear down the poster!" Sirius exclaimed.

"Think Sirius.
He's always absent on the full moon, last year as well but it wasn't that obvious. And remember when we went shopping over the summer? Remus always took his change in Galleons and Knuts, no Sickles. And we all thought he was crazy but..." At this rant from James, Sirius got indignant and Peter went as white as a sheet.

"James, you're being ridiculous!" Sirius exclaimed, getting off his bed to face his obviously delirious friend. "Sure, the guy has a lot of mishaps around the full moon"

"Every month Sirius." James replied stonily.

"And he might just think Sickles are ugly and he doesn't like ugly money." Sirius added.

"And Peter's cat?? The poor thing lives almost permanently in the girl's dormitory because whenever it comes in here it goes berserk. But tonight..." At this James picked up Mr. Pickles who had been sleeping peacefully on Peter's bed. "He smells werewolf, Sirius."

"But...but Remus can't be a werewolf... you've seen in Garrick Randolph... werewolves are nothing like Remus... they're old, and crazy, and live in caves and forests... nothing like Remus..."

"Sirius, Garrick Randolph is absolute trash! If you can't see what is right before your eyes..." James screamed.

"It's just not possible!" Sirius said.

"But it's true," James replied.

"But...but... so what are we going to do?" Sirius replied.

"We had better tell Dumbledore, he can't let someone so dangerous live here in the dorm. Just look what he does to Mr. Pickles," Peter said.

"Peter, we can't do that. Remus is our FRIEND. We have to talk to him, make him know it's all right. It must have been downright awful for him with this Garrick Randolph business," James said, whacking Peter in the back of the head. Sirius nodded and the two then stared at Peter for a few seconds until he finally nodded.

"So it's agreed. We'll talk to him in the morning," James said and all the boys returned to their beds and tried unsuccessfully to sleep with the anxiety over their decision and the muted howls coming from the torn poster.

***

That afternoon a very tired Remus Lupin walked up to the boys second year Gryffindor dorm room. He wasn't looking forward to listening to his friends go on and on about the Werewolf Hunter while he was recovering from last night's injuries. However, upon walking into the room he was surprised to see them staring at him, the Garrick Randolph poster on the floor ripped to shreds.

After a few minutes of Silence Remus asked, "Ok, what is going on?"

The other boys exchanged a few glances then James said, "Remus, it's ok. We know."

"Know what?" Remus spat back, and started retreating towards the door.

Sirius ran up behind him and put a hand on his shoulder and said, "Remus, we know and it's ok."

"What's ok? If you're talking about the Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans, I was meaning to share them with you. It's not my fault that you all had detention in the basement two weeks ago, and I was feeling peckish, and I ended up getting twenty vomit ones anyway so it is not like they were a good bag, and it's not like Peter hasn't eaten the candy before we all had a chance to get some before..." Remus replied in a high-pitched voice.

"So it was you," Peter said nervously, "I kept on telling them, but would they listen? No."

"Ah, shut up Peter, " James said. "Remus, he wasn't talking about the beans."

Remus let out a sigh and asked nervously, "Well, what was he talking about then?"


"Well, uh... We know about you, and umm, your monthly predicament..." Sirius said.

Remus started heading towards the door, but Sirius put his arm around his shoulders and whispered, "It's ok, Remus. It's ok. You're still our friend, Remus."

Remus burst into tears, and hugged Sirius.


"Really, come on Moony, don't cry. Look I'm sorry for being such a prat over that comic," Sirius said.

"What did you call me?" Remus replied.


"Moony. Now come on, I know just what will cheer you up." Sirius led Sirius to his bed and told him to sit down. Then he dug into his trunk and pulled out a comic book causing Peter to groan, James to look apprehensive and Remus to look like he was about to run away.

"
And then Martin Miggs picked up the wand that the Wizard had unexpectedly dropped and examined it. After a while he decided that it was nothing but a useless stick, so he decided to take it with him while he was playing with his dog. However, when Padfoot, the poor mutt, came back from fetching it he had sprouted wings. Marvin then stared at the wand and decided it was something very special, and he would have to find out more about it...


Disclaimer: Hogwarts, James, Remus, Sirius, Peter and Snape belong to JK Rowling. "Garrick Randolph: Werewolf Hunter" and "Martin Miggs: The Mad Muggle" both belong to Wonder Comics of Diagon Alley (a street which also belongs to JK Rowling). Mr. Pickles is temporarily in my custody because Peter is a rat, but if anyone wants to keep him they are perfectly welcome to him because he seems to go berserk whenever I walk into the room.

Thanks to Moey for beta-reading this