Questions

Severus Snape was beyond angry. He was beyond furious. He was even beyond livid. There wasn't a word for what he was feeling. He was having trouble even thinking of anything beyond the mental image of his hands around the little troublemaker's throat. However, he managed to control enough of his brainpower to check if anything was wrong with the Pensieve.

Damn you, Potter! I put those memories in there for a reason! It's bad enough that Dumbledore knows what your father did to me...what he asked of me...I HATE YOU. I hated your father, and you are JUST LIKE HIM. He was a manipulative, shallow little hell raiser, just like you, and just because he was Gryffindor, he could get away with it in the name of "Doing the right thing."

Severus cleaned up his office, and as soon as it was back to it's usual, meticulous order, he retired to his room. However, the moment he was in the door, he realized that he would never get sleep with all the thoughts running through his head still moving as fast as a Firebolt.

I'll have to face it sooner or later...

He retrieved the borrowed Pensieve from his office, and set it up once more in his private quarters. No determined, invasive man-child would dare disturb my thoughts and I now.

He placed his head within the Pensive...and all old was new again.

I've got you this time, thought Severus during his 5^th year at Hogwarts... Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew, James Potter... I WILL know your secret...Ah. This stick should be long enough...

Minutes before, Severus had seen Lupin walking out in the yard, straight towards the newly planted tree on the grounds. Thanks to a tip off by Black, he knew that there was a secret entryway of some sort under the Willow. Snape trusted Black about as far as Snape's thin, almost gaunt arms could throw him, but this opportunity to catch them was simply too good to pass up...and if it's a trap, then I'll just curse them all. See how they like choking on bubbles and floating helplessly.

Severus had almost prodded the trunk of the Whomping Willow, when a branch lashed his face, just below his hairline. Severus collapsed to the ground, stunned momentarily by the blow. He got back up, and threw the heavy stick at the knot. The branch struck true, and the tree froze, and then shifted. A large entranceway to a tunnel appeared. Hah! I've got you now...I'll teach you for removing my pants, thought Severus, I'll teach you for calling me...

"Snivellus! Dammit, get away from there!!" James Potter roared from behind him. Running, he smacked the knot as a large, hairy hand tried to grab him. Both the hand and the entranceway vanished once more beneath the deadly tree. While dragging the stupefied Slytherin away from the place where the entryway was, Potter practically shouted, "What the HELL are you doing out here, Snape?!?"

"...That was the hand of a partially transformed werewolf...Lupin is a werewolf...that's why he's absent from Hogwart's so often..." said Snape, amazed, stunned. Then, it hit him. "You knew."

James, rather than looking ashamed, only looked serious. "Yes, I knew. Look, Severus. I know we've never gotten al-"

"You KNEW! You were in on it! You and Black, trying to get me killed!" Snape whipped out his wand, and pointed it straight at the bridge of James' glasses. "Was the Werewolf in on it too? He'd have to be, you'd never use your friend like that. You're scum, Potter. You and your little group of... marauders! That's what you are! Marauders! You run around, doing what you want, taking what you want, with no care as to who gets hurt! I'm going straight to Dumbledore about this, Damn you! I'll see you expelled for this, Potter! Let's see what Evans thinks of you then!"

Snape jerked his head out of the Pensieve. I'd forgotten that. No, he hadn't forgotten that it had been he who had given the Marauders their little group name (though to that day, he still hated them for taking to it so well), but it was that Evans' opinion had mattered so much to him, back then, that he had forgotten. She wasn't a romantic interest. No, that would be unseemly. Severus Snape, dating a muggle-born? The very idea was preposterous. But he did regard her as one of the extremely few non-Slytherin equals he had in the school; in point of fact, the only others were in Ravenclaw.

Severus tried to sleep, but thoughts of the past still tormented him...and so he went back to the Pensieve.

"Severus, no matter how much you may hate Mr. Potter, is it really worth betraying everything you have worked so hard for?"

Dumbledore. He always had to make everything hard. Severus had fought; every day at Hogwarts, to prove that being in Slytherin didn't necessarily make one evil. Eventually, he gave up. He had joined the Death Eaters, purely for the chance to kill Potter and his friends. And now Dumbledore had to lay this on him.

"Get out of my way, Professor. I don't want to hurt you."

A small smile lit Albus' face. "And why not, Severus? As I recall, you wanted very much to hurt me when I forbade you of mentioning young Mr. Lupin's affliction to the school."

Snape, still seething inside from that night all those years ago, burned with shame as painfully as the mark now on his left arm. "And what did it get me?"

"Quite simple, Severus. It proved your loyalty to me...and that I can trust you. I need your help," said the Headmaster. Seeing the young Death Eater's reaction, a mix of his trademark cold fury and the curiosity that Dumbledore had seen every time the boy had raised his hand in class, he continued. "I, and a select few, have been secretly working alongside the Ministry against Voldemort. However, our sources of information are painfully few. What we need someone who can become a new source for us. We need someone who is skilled at Occlumency, to prevent being discovered. In short, Severus, we need you."

Severus thought back to all the times when he'd have loved to see the Potters get their due. How, though, could he refuse now, and permanently cast aside the point of every day he spent suffering in silence, back in school? "...Damn you, Dumbledore. You know me too well. Fine. I'll be your damned spy...but only under one condition. If I'm put on trial, you will tell them that this," pointing at the tattoo on the inside of his left forearm, "was your idea. I'll not take up residence in Azkaban because of you."

Once more, the Potions Master pulled his head from the Pensieve. To this day, he still believed that he owed his soul to Dumbledore for that night. And he hated owing people.

Damn you, Potter...this is all your fault...once more unto the breech, thought Severus. I've got to finish this, if I'm going to get any sleep...Damn you, Potter.

And once more, Snape opened his mind to his memories.

Snape glared at Potter. "How could you ask me THIS? How could you ask ME this??"

James stayed silent, but Lily spoke what he was thinking. "You owe James a Life-Debt, Severus. You can't turn this away lightly, especially after your being the one who told us Voldemort is after our son. We need you...I need you to do this. Please."

Snape's heart almost stopped right then. He looked at James, who looked back. James, for his part, showed none of the shock he must have felt at those same words, especially when spoken by his wife, but simply nodded agreement. "We need you. If we're killed, you must protect Harry. Train him. Make sure he can defend himself, when he comes of age. I don't care if you have to make him hate you, or if you have to do it with your usual greasy ways, but do it. Hell, I don't care if you have to become the Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher...but make sure my son lives. Padfoot is his Godfather, but he'd need help. He can't do it alone...and the jury's still out on Remus." James looked at Lily, knowing about how much the pair of them loved and wanted to trust Lupin, but couldn't. James played his dirtiest card. "Make sure that my son has the shot at life that I gave you."

Severus was VERY tempted to spit in Potter's face right then, but two things stopped him. One was Lily. She needed Severus' help, and he couldn't help but feel he had to give her what she needed. She had, inadvertently, of course, pushed him to become better than he was by competing with him. He owed her...but the real kicker was that James was right. Severus did owe him his life, much as he hated James for it. "Fine. I'll talk to Dumbledore next chance I get. I'll apply for a teaching position as soon as this damn war is over. I'll make sure your brat lives through it, if I can. But if the war ends, and you survive, we're clear, Potter. And then, Potter, we WILL have words."

Lily Evans-Potter beamed at the spy, and said "Well, don't be overzealous, Severus. We aren't dead yet. You may not have to do this at all." James, for his part, simply nodded, sombre as ever. They would never have a chance to 'speak'. Two weeks later, the Potter residence would be nothing but rubble, and the Potters would be dead, save Harry...but Severus Snape, Former Death Eater and current Spy for the Order of the Phoenix, had finally found his resolution with James Potter.

"...Or so I thought," said Snape, lying once more in bed. He still kept his word. Every year, he tried for the class that would help him train Potter the most directly...but Dumbledore insisted on keeping him in Potions. Why, Severus never would know, but stay he would. He would make Potter's life as much of a living Hell for as long as he could, to toughen him. He would make sure Potter had every chance he could to survive the Dark Lord's wrath...and then he would be free. Free of his Life-Debt, free of the Potters and free of any magical imperatives. Maybe, just maybe, people would think of Snape in a better light, someday. Maybe the Famous Harry Potter, son of his primary childhood tormentor, would say to him in a highly unlikely display of common sense, "Thank you for all you've done, and I'm sorry for causing you so much trouble."

Severus knew that it would never happen, and he highly doubted that he'd accept the sentiments if they ever did happen. But sometimes, hope is exactly what you need to sleep at night.

And so, Severus Snape slept.

FIN