Obsession

Chap. 14 - CALL IT LOVE

"Do you love me?"

No, no, no! Dammit, Draco! Don't spoil things!

Such a small sentence, such an enormous meaning. Simple words that weren't simple at all. Love is the most complicated feeling in the world. Love makes you forget about whom you are, it makes you forget about your beliefs and your pride. And there is a big duality in it. I mean, love can make you stronger but at the same time, it can make you weaker. Love can make you the happiest man on earth, but also the most miserable. Basically, to put in simple words, it was a great feeling but at the same time it sucked.

Harry's silence made me feel uneasy. I didn't know if I should take it as a bad sign or a good one. I decided to be a little optimistic. Perhaps he was just afraid of confessing his feelings for me. Or, and that was a very sad thought, I was back in the Denial Land. Harry didn't love me. Why would he?

He opened his mouth to speak but a sudden panic took over me and I shushed him quickly.

"Let me rephrase it," I said. "Do you think that someday you will be able to love me?"

"What's wrong with the first question?" Harry asked.

"What's wrong? You know what's wrong! I already know the answer to it."

"Oh, do you? You must be a seer then," he dared to joke.

I glared at him. "This is not funny!"

No, it wasn't. It was a tragedy. Well, for me at least. Yeah, melodrama is my middle name. What else is new?

"And what would be my answer, Mr. Know-It-All?" he asked.

"Your answer would be 'no', of course."

He shook his head. "I told you already not to assume things about me!"

"And I told you already that I have all the right to assume things about you because..."

Wait a second, Draco. Go back just a little. What did he just say to you? No. No! What was important was what the word meant.

"What do you mean by that?" I asked.

"How can you be so sure that my answer will be negative? All right, I'd been very mean to you and I'm really ashamed of it, but ever since the first time we made love I've been trying to make it up to you. I thought you knew how I felt."

"I don't. In fact, I don't have a clue. There was a time when I could read you, Harry, but now... It's hard to do that. You're very mysterious and your eyes - which were supposed to be the windows of your soul - well, they're always closed! If you don't tell me how you really feel, I'll never know."

He bit his lower lip. "It's not easy for me. I didn't want to love, I didn't want to depend on someone that much. But it doesn't matter how much effort you make to run away from love. You can't escape it. I couldn't escape it. I... I love you. I've been in love with you for a while."

I only stared at him for a long time. I was in a state of shock. I couldn't think of anything except 'he loves me, he loves me, he loves me!'

"Are you all right?" Harry said, passing his hands in front of my eyes.

I blinked. "Y-yes."

I did it! I won Harry's heart! He loved me!

"It's just that... that..." I grinned and then I laughed.

Harry stared at me as if I had gone insane.

"Are you sure you're all right?" he asked.

"Yes. YES! I'm more than all right." I kissed him.

I couldn't stop smiling and soon he was smiling, too.

"So, we are officially a couple now," I stated.

"Yep, I guess."

"You guess?"

I pinched him and he laughed.

"All right, all right! I'm certain of it."

"Good." I said with a serious expression and then I smiled.

"This is not the first time I tell you that I love you, Draco."

What? Of course it was. I would certainly remember if he had said it before. That wasn't the kind of thing I would let slip. No way! He was probably teasing me.

"I first admitted to myself that I was in love with you when we first made love. And I told you that I loved you, but I guess you didn't listen."

"I was practically asleep! It wasn't fair! Why didn't you tell me the next day?"

"I don't know. I wanted to but... Part of me was still very scared about the whole thing. I tried to tell you again after that big fight we had but then Cho showed up and ruined it all."

Hmm... Since Ron was responsible for Cho's appearance in that classroom, he should pay. Badly. Then again, Harry wouldn't like it if I did something against his best friend. But still... Maybe a little revenge? Like an exploding cauldron or a spider carefully left on his bed... No. Harry would hate me if I did any of those things. And did I really want to do it? I wasn't the same Malfoy anymore. I hated to admit it, but I kind of liked Weasley. He wasn't that bad. He thought he was helping Harry. And he was Charlie's brother... Yeah, I should forget about my revenge plans.

"I've been writing a journal ever since the day I'd kissed you at the Quidditch pitch," he said.

"Really?"

"Yes. Hermione thought it would help me figure out my feelings. In a way, I think it did."

I noticed he was nervous. He stood up and opened his school bag, taking out a letter book from it.

"I want you to read it."

I swallowed hard. That was such a precious gift. He was allowing me to read his most private thoughts. He was giving me the opportunity to find out about his most intimate feelings and fears. He wanted me to understand him. Most people would kill to read that. Harry Potter's confessions. I wondered if he realised what a big step that was and how much that meant to me.

"Thank you, Harry, for trusting me this much."

My eyes must have been sparkling.

"Well, it's not much. And besides, it's not finished yet. It's missing one last thing."

"What?"

"The ending. The happy ending," he teased.

I smiled. "Come here then. I think I can help you with that."

I pulled him against me and we snogged until we were both out of breath and in ecstasy. The book fell off my hand and lay on the floor forgotten for a while. If my curiosity were any indication, I would read it the first thing in the morning. But not now. Now I wanted to enrapture Harry Potter and I wanted him to do the same to me. In fact, he was doing it already.

That night was one of the best nights of my life.

------------

Eventually, I read Harry's journal and I was able to understand him a little. He hadn't been in denial. Well, not really. Mostly, he had been scared of love. Who wasn't? And he had just got out of a delicate situation, with the death of Hagrid and so many others. As he explained in his journal, he was afraid to love because he had suffered too much in the name of love. Not just that, but the fact that he was attracted to me of all people didn't help him clear his fears.

I was glad that he had got over that. I was glad that he was finally starting to live in the present again.

Time passed by. We stopped fighting the way we used to. The only fights we had were when we played Quidditch against each other, but that was expected. His bloody team won, and I told him he cheated. Of course he didn't, but I was mad at the time. Thank God he forgave me even though his pride - and mine - got in the way.

I didn't mind when his House won the House Cup. They threw a great party afterwards to celebrate and I enjoyed it a lot, especially because Harry was with me all the time. The only thing that spoiled it a little was when Charlie appeared. Harry didn't like it much but I assured him that he had nothing to worry about. My heart was his for eternity.

As for Ryan, I was glad to say that he was arrested by the Ministry and I never heard of him again.

---------------

Today is the last day of school. We have our whole lives ahead of us. Hermione will go to London to be a medi-wizard. Ron will go with her, and he wants to try for the Auror's test. Between you and me, I think he'll succeed. No matter what our differences are, I really like Ron. He's a good friend. Kind of irritating sometimes, but a nice bloke.

Hermione is pressuring him for them to get married. It's funny to watch them. Ron's face reddens so easy when the word marriage comes along. I think he's only scared about the responsibilities, but I know they'll get married eventually. It's only a matter of time.

As for Harry and I, we'll share a flat in London. He has been invited to play for the England's Quidditch Team and the salary is very good. I think I'll work for the Ministry. Mr. Weasley offered me a job in his department. He and I shared the same eager interest for Muggles stuff. Mr. Weasley is a very funny guy, too.

Dumbledore has offered me a job as a Professor of DADA and I'm very tempted to accept it. But then I wouldn't be able to see Harry often. That is a big problem... A problem that I don't know yet how to solve.

---------------

"Draco?" I heard Harry calling me.

"Yes?"

We were in his room and I was staring at the window while he was looking at his nails. We reached an impasse. Should we go our separate ways or should we stay together? That doubt was killing me.

"Do you want to stay at Hogwarts?" he asked me.

I sighed. "I don't know. I like Hogwarts. This is my temple."

"Well, you have to decide soon because we're leaving tomorrow!" he said, irritated.

"Dumbledore offered you a job, too!" I replied. "Why can't we stay here? You can teach Quidditch to the kids and..."

"I want to know what it's like to play for England! I want to travel to exotic and distant places."

"What about me, Harry? I won't be able to go with you to those exotic and distant places. Have you thought of that? Even if I work at the Ministry, I won't be able to see you much."

"You'll see me more than if you stay here!"

"You're being selfish!"

"I'm not! You're the one being selfish! I've always dreamt of playing Quidditch for our country."

"Oh, that's such a lie! That's Weasley's dream, not yours! He was the one who put the idea in your head and you just went along with it!" I shouted. "You said to me once that you wanted to stay here and you would be more than happy to teach Quidditch to the kids. You said it, Harry. You said that you wanted to live a quiet and peaceful life. And now you're telling me that you want to see other places. Good for you. If that's what will make you happy, then go. Actually, I want you to go. I've made my decision. I'm going to stay here. I really like Arthur Weasley, but I'm staying here, Harry. You can visit me whenever you like. I'll be always waiting for you."

It hurt to say that, but I felt like Harry should go and I should stay. That would be a test to both of us. If he stayed, he would always wonder what it would have been like to play for England. Then he would blame me for it. I didn't want that. I wanted him to go. I wanted him to experience that without me. I couldn't go with him and he knew it.

"You're such a bastard! I know what you want. You want to stay here all alone with Charlie."

Oh, that was such rubbish!

"I can't believe you just said that! It's not true and you know it. You're being unfair, Harry."

"Am I?"

I saw so much hatred in his eyes. Why was he doing that to us? I wanted to send him to hell.

"You know what? Just go, Harry. Go and be happy. I'll cheer for you."

My eyes were glowing with unshed tears and I felt the need to get out of there. That room was suffocating me. Harry's presence was suffocating me.

"Goodbye, Harry." The words almost got stuck in my throat.

I opened the door but he shut it violently with a twist of his wand.

"This conversation is not over yet," he stated.

"Oh, yes, it is!"

We stared at each other in a mute challenge. He wanted me to give up but I wouldn't. It didn't matter that my heart was crushed and my tears were ready to fall down. It didn't matter that he was looking suddenly lost and sad. It didn't matter that he was stroking my face softly.

"Please, Draco, come with me."

"I can't, Harry. You know I can't. This is something that you want to experience, not me. I already know half of the world. I used to travel a lot with my parents. I wished we could travel together some day but right now I want to stay here. I want to have a place where I can call my home."

"You can have that in London."

"I would be alone in London. You know that, Harry."

"You wouldn't be alone! Ron and Hermione are going to be there!"

"It's not the same thing, Harry. Look, I've made up my mind, all right?"

"But... What do you want me to do?"

"I want you to go, Harry. I really do. If this is what you want, then go for it! I'll be here. I'll wait for you."

It didn't sound like me but I never sounded like me when Harry was around. I was serious about it. I would wait for him. The question was: would he come back to me? That was a risk I would have to take. I needed to get out that exact moment so I kissed him hard.

"I love you," I muttered against his lips.

I noticed that he was crying. I was crying, too.

"I'm not mad at you, Harry. And I'll wait for you. If we're really meant to be, then eventually we'll get back together."

I kissed him one last time, feeling the salty taste of his tears mixed with my own in our lips.

"Goodbye, Harry."

"Draco, please..."

I ignored his protests and his pleadings and just left.

---------------

Harry went away with the Quidditch team. I didn't say goodbye to him the day he went away. I just couldn't. That would be too much to ask of me. But I heard the whistle of the train leaving, and I cried silently. Hermione still tried to make me listen to the voice of reason and ask Harry to stay but I was determined to let him go. If he really loved me, he would come back.

For three months I expected him to come back or at least to be in touch. He'd never even written me a letter! I didn't write him either. What for? It would be humiliating and I wouldn't do that to myself. I was happy at Hogwarts. I liked teaching and between you and me, I was really good. Things couldn't be better.

Yeah, right.

I was miserable. Not that I didn't like Hogwarts, I did. And I liked my students, too. But without Harry, my days were so empty. Without him there was a big void in my life, and as the time went by, this void grew bigger and bigger. I missed him so much that my heart ached.

Charlie tried to cheer me up everyday and he succeeded most of the times. The problem was when I went to bed, all alone. Then the memories of Harry and I kept haunting me endlessly.

By the Daily Prophet I found out all the news about Harry. He was making a huge success. Some of the sports fanatics wrote that he was the best seeker of the century. I believed it. He really was, after all. And he was travelling a lot. I hoped he was enjoying it.

No, not really. I hoped he was as miserable as I was! I hoped he went to his bed at night feeling like he was about to die of sadness because that was exactly how I felt. I hoped he missed me as much as I missed him.

I wished... I wished that he was with me.

----------

Five months. It was Sunday and there was nothing to do. Charlie invited me to go to Hogsmead but I didn't feel like going there. I decided to take a stroll near the lake. The sky was cloudy, which was even better. I would love to feel the rain on my face. As I walked, thin drops started to fall from the sky. In a minute, it was pouring down and I was soaking wet. I didn't mind though. I kept walking as if nothing was happening.

I thought about Harry. Well, I was always thinking about him. But this time was different. This time I was thinking about giving up everything and going to him. I was about to give away my pride. I thought about Billie Myers' song again. It suited the moment. Harry was away and I was kissing the rain. I was crying, but no one would be able to tell because my tears were mixing with the rain.

I hated to cry. It wasn't like me to cry all the time. And I didn't cry all the time. It was just that I was feeling gloomy that day... I'd just read that Harry had met someone. Some model who was his number one fan. Some bitch I didn't care to know the name of.

Harry didn't love me. He had an exciting life now; he probably didn't even remember me. The brat! I should teach him a lesson! No one ignored me and lived to tell the tale. Maybe I should start dating Charlie. Ron would certainly tell Harry about it. But then Harry would be able to throw in my face that I had stayed because of Charlie, which wasn't the truth at all. Hmm... still... I had to think of something.

No, I wouldn't crawl for him and ask him to come back. I wouldn't ask him to take me back, either! You can just forget about that, Draco! Do you remember when you used to have a pride? It's still there, somewhere between your shattered dreams and your broken heart.

Suddenly, I heard steps behind me. It could only be Charlie, trying to put some sense into my head. I turned around to tell him to go away and I saw Harry walking in my direction. My heart stopped. Maybe he was a mirage. Or maybe I was finally losing my mind. He kept coming closer and I just waited. And then...

"I can't believe you! What the hell are you doing here in the middle of the fucking rain? I couldn't believe it when Dumbledore said that I would probably find you here! Are you trying to get sick? Or maybe you want to be struck by a lightning! Is that it?" he shouted. "Do you have a death wish or something?"

Ok, what was that all about? The guy had been away for five months and now he felt like he had the right to yell at me and tell me what to do about my life. Ha! Like hell he did! At least I definitely knew that he wasn't a mirage. A mirage wouldn't yell like that. A mirage would kiss me. After all, mirages are supposed to be good, right?

I opened my mouth to speak but I was too outraged to say anything.

"I'd travelled so far to be here! Do you know where I was? I was in Japan! I'm bloody tired and all I want is a nice and warm place to rest! Then Dumbledore told me that you were here and now look at me! I'm soaking wet! It's your entire fault!" he continued with his stupid accusations.

"Go to hell, Potter! What's wrong with you? We haven't seen each other in months! I would expect you to be a little less edgy. And I'm the Drama Queen. If you're scared of a little rain, then go back to the castle. In fact, you didn't even have to come after me. Why are you here anyway? As I recall, you haven't written to me and I haven't heard from you in quite a while." Then I remembered the dreadful news about him and that stupid model. "If you're here to tell me that you're going to marry some stupid bulimic model I'll hex you, Harry. Don't think I won't have the guts to do it!"

"Model? What model?" he seemed thoughtful for a moment and then he said, "Ah! You're talking about Sharon, right?"

"I don't give a damn about her name. In fact, I don't want to hear anything about her."

"I'm not here because of Sharon. Or maybe I am."

ARGH! I would kill him! In a minute or two. First I wanted to have a proper look at him. He looked so... Oh, my God! He looked so gorgeous! Visiting exotic and distant places had done him so much good! His hair was still untamed - which was part of his charms - but it was a little longer than before. He was wearing blue jeans and a brown leather jacket on a dark green t-shirt. The outfit seemed to match his body perfectly. The lips, the delicate nose and the emerald green eyes that I loved so much were still as beautiful as I remembered. How much I had missed him!

"Look, you probably saw our picture together on the Daily Prophet. It's not what it looks like!"

"It never is!" I smirked.

"No, I'm serious. Sharon was actually very annoying and nothing happened between us. The only good thing she reminded me was how much I missed here." He sighed. "I hate to admit it but you were right. Being a Quidditch player wasn't my dream, it was Ron's," he said bitterly. "But I had to go and you were right about that, too. Dammit! You were right about the whole thing! I hope you're happy because I failed miserably."

Happy? Oh, no, I was far from being happy. Very, very far! What the hell was he talking about?

"Why are you saying that you'd failed?" I asked. "I don't understand, Harry. Everybody loves you. You're even more famous than Krum! You haven't lost a game yet! What the hell are you talking about? You haven't failed, Harry. Far from it. Why..."

"Yes, I have. It didn't matter how many victories I have won, at the end of the day there wasn't anyone to share my happiness with. The guys of the team were all right but none of them were you. Every fucking night I looked for you in my bed, only to find it empty. I missed you so much. And I missed this place, too. You said I didn't write but it's not true. You didn't write me! Not once! But I'd sent you so many letters that I even lost count."

"That's such a lie! You didn't write, Harry. I'm honest enough to admit that I didn't write to you."

Wait. Stop everything. He had missed me! Hmm... No, that wasn't enough. He'd have to crawl at my feet.

"But I did write you! I swear!"

"Then where are the letters?"

And then, like magic, Hedwig appeared and dropped a pile of letters in my hands, all of them addressed to me. I quickly put them inside my robe so they wouldn't get wet. I stared at Hedwig in disbelief and so did Harry. Harry was probably even angrier than I was because his face was so red that he looked like he would explode.

"Hedwig! Why haven't you delivered the letters to Draco? What the hell is wrong with you!?"

Hedwig peeped loudly and flew away, leaving both of us confused.

"That owl is mental!" Harry shouted.

"Maybe... maybe she just wanted you to come back."

"Still... it doesn't make any sense."

I shrugged. How would I know how an owl's mind worked? Honestly...

"Have you ever considered therapy?" I joked.

"Therapy?" He looked at me with confusion.

"Yes, for Hedwig."

He looked at me with amusement and then we both burst out laughing.

"That's a funny thought," he said.

"Yeah."

"I guess she missed Hogwarts. I think she was angry with me."

"So she decided to go on a strike."

He smiled. "It looks like she did."

Our eyes locked together and his hand reached out to touch my face.

"I missed you. I was miserable without you," he confessed. "I can't live without you. Unfortunately I still have five games to play, so I'll have to get back to London in a week, but after the season is over, I'll be the new Quidditch teacher of Hogwarts. I've talked to Dumbledore already and Madam Hooch was actually very pleased to see me. She wants to retire."

"You came back to me then," I said with a big grin on my face. I couldn't help it.

He looked so adorable that I couldn't resist him.

"I love you, Draco. I hope it's not too late for us. I realise that now you have Charlie but..."

"How many times do I have to tell you that Charlie is just a friend?"

"Well, he's much more attractive than me. I couldn't blame you if you chose to stay with him. Of course, that wouldn't stop me from hating you both." He pulled me closer and our lips brushed. "You look gorgeous. I missed your lips. There's nothing softer than your lips, Draco. And nothing more tasteful either."

We kissed. It was so great to feel his lips against mine after such a long time. His mouth searched for mine with desperation and I just surrendered.

"Do you still love me, Draco?" he asked in a whisper.

"What do you think? Of course I still love you, Harry."

He kissed me once again. I was so happy that I couldn't even describe it. Finally Harry and I would be together. Well, he would have to go back to London soon, but soon he would be with me again. I knew it was for real this time. I saw the truth in his eyes. I hugged him tightly.

"I love you so much," I whispered. "Please, don't leave me again." Dammit! I was pleading...

"I won't. I couldn't. And I found out about it the hardest way." He kissed me softly. "Can we go to a drier place? Don't get me wrong, you look very good with your clothes tightened around your body like this, but this rain is getting on my nerves! Not to mention that my glasses are ruined!"

He had taken them off a little after he had got in here. He looked so beautiful in the rain. I had a fantasy about Harry and the rain. I've fantasised for this moment ever since I had seen him taking a shower that day in my room. Harry Potter and the rain was such a delicious combination. I pulled him closer to my body and whispered in his ear all the things I wanted to do with him. As the words came out of my mouth, he became more and more excited. I wanted to lick every drop that fell on his smooth skin.

"I guess the rain is not so bad," he whispered as I caressed him more intimately.

"Yeah," I whispered in return.

There I was, kissing Harry Potter in the rain, and there was nothing more exhilarating than that.

The End