Obsession

Chap. 4 - CALL IT STOICISM

I was actually enjoying the whole friendship thing. I liked being friends with Harry Potter. Not that he shared all of his deep secrets with me but I was getting there. He didn't say if he liked being friends with me though. That was kind of annoying, not to mention that it made me feel insecure. Yeah, can you believe it? Draco Malfoy was insecure...

For a week we hung around together. We talked about silly things; we teased each other; we made fun of Millicent Bulstrode's new hairdo. We studied together and I helped him with his Potions lesson. In exchange, he taught me the Wronski Feint. That was actually kind of dangerous for him because we were still playing Quidditch against each other. He didn't seem to mind though, and I wondered if I should be insulted by that. Clearly, he didn't seem to believe that I could actually do it. I left the field very pissed off. Yes, I decided to feel insulted.

"Malfoy, wait!" he shouted but I didn't look back.

I wasn't going to look back. To be honest, the friendship thing was getting on my nerves.

"Malfoy!" He caught me by my sleeve and I stopped walking.

"WHAT?" I snapped, irritated.

"I didn't mean it like that!" he replied with the same insolence.

"I can beat you, Potter! You think I can't but you're wrong! I can do the Wronski Feint."

"I never said you couldn't do it!"

"But you implied it!"

"No, I didn't!"

"Yes, you did!"

"Only to tease you!"

Tease me? Go to hell, Potter. I needed a bath to relax.

"All right," I shrugged. "I'm going to take a shower."

"I'm going with you."

I froze on the spot. That wasn't part of the deal. To shower with him meant that we'd have to share the same space. I would be able to watch him. I wasn't ready to do that. It was way too much of a temptation. I didn't want to ruin our newly discovered bond by jumping on him the moment he took his clothes off.

"No, you're staying here."

"Why?"

"Because I say so! Don't argue with me about this." I was very irritated with where this conversation was heading.

"I don't understand."

"Then you're more innocent than I thought."

One thing that I've learnt about Harry Potter was that indeed he was innocent, but not about life and betrayal. He was a master in those things. He was innocent when it came to sex. In this field he was such a beginner that I wondered if he was still a virgin. But we didn't talk about sex much and the reasons were obvious.

"I'm going to shower in my room then," I said.

"But Malfoy..."

"Don't, Potter. Enjoy your bath."

And I left him alone.

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The thing was, having Potter around almost every day wasn't exactly that great, not only because he was annoying and irritating, but because he was also kind and fair to everyone. I mean, he was still dark and he refused to talk about it, but he didn't treat anyone like shit. He was too goody-goody for that. He had such grace and kindness that I felt ashamed of myself. We were so different. I didn't give a fuck about other people's feelings but he did. A lot.

To have him around me 24/7 only made me fall more deeply in love with him and that wasn't a good thing at all. I didn't want to fall in love with him. Right?

I smiled bitterly, thinking that Harry wasn't the only one in denial around here.

He was a great friend. I could finally understand why Weasley was so protective of him. I was lucky that Hermione - she was Hermione now - and Weasley had finally made up so I could have Harry all to myself. Weasley had complained a lot when I first started hanging out with Harry, but now he'd learned to accept it. I had Hermione to thank for that.

It was the first time in my life that I'd had a friend and I think Harry liked my company, too, because he was always by my side, no matter were I went. Shock was the minimal word to describe the way the school felt about this. Harry Potter was fraternising with his enemy.

So what?

Besides the fact that I liked being Harry's friend, it wasn't enough for me and he knew it. I wanted him even more than before. Sometimes I got lost in a daze just by looking at him. I loved the way he sucked his sugar quill when he was studying, absent to everything else in the room. I loved the way his hands passed across his hair, making it even messier than usual. I loved the way he bit his lower lip when he was thinking. I loved everything about him. I loved him.

My heart constricted as I realised the truth about my feelings. I was madly in love with Harry.

Fuck.

-----------

Another week passed and Harry noticed I was acting strange around him. In fact, I was trying to avoid him as much as possible. I knew it was wrong. I was supposed to be helping him, not pushing him away. But I couldn't help it. It hurt to be around him and not to be able to touch or kiss him.

I had to be stoic around him but I just couldn't. I couldn't be indifferent about him. I loved him. But I had to try. It was a fact that Harry didn't like me in the same way I liked him, it didn't matter if I caught him checking me out once or twice.

I needed space. I was suffering and that was a very bad thing. Draco Malfoy didn't suffer. Ever.

"Malfoy! Malfoy, wait up!" he shouted my name as I was leaving the Arithmancy class.

I waited for him. I shouldn't have, but I did anyway.

"What, Potter?" I tried to play the role of the indifferent again.

"Why are you ignoring me?" he sounded hurt.

"I didn't know you cared," I sneered.

God, I was such a bastard. Why couldn't I be gentle with him or at least act understanding? He was going through a hard time in his life, and all I could think about was how much I wanted him in my bed. Come to think again, I had a hard time in my life as well. I deserved happiness. Screw him! Yeah, I wish...

"I don't," he said, his eyes flickering with hate. "For all I care you can burn in hell."

He turned around to leave but I stepped in front of him.

"Look, I'm sorry," I whispered. "I guess..."

I didn't know what to say to him. Back to the speechless mode.

"I know," he said in a sad tone of voice.

I looked at him and realised that he understood. He knew what I was going through. He knew I was damn frustrated and that I wanted to kiss him, and touch him and... Well, you get the picture.

"Do you want some time out?" he asked me politely.

Fuck him! I didn't want him to be polite about this!

"Maybe."

And what was I saying? I was about to ruin everything because of my fucking pride.

"Ok. Then I'll leave you alone," he muttered, indifferent.

He was playing the indifferent now! The bloody bastard. I hated him so much! My anger increased to dangerous levels.

"Fuck you, Potter!" I shouted and pushed him away.

Some students that were passing by stopped to watch. I couldn't care less. I wanted to hex Potter.

"What?"

"I said fuck you! You're not that cold."

"You're mental, Malfoy!"

"And you're the one driving me nuts!"

I pointed my wand at him. He frowned.

"Don't do this, Malfoy. You know what happened the last time you did this," he said coldly.

I smiled evilly. "Oh, yes. I remember quite well."

And I wonder what would happen if I jinxed him in front of those people surrounding us. Would he shove me against the wall and kiss me? That was a very interesting possibility. Should I risk it? Yes, I decided I would.

"Expelliarmus," he said quietly when I was distracted and he took my wand.

Dammit! Dammit! Dammit! Those stupid Ravenclaw students were laughing at me! I did the only thing I could at the moment. I went for his throat. We fell on the floor and I tried my best to punch him. He held my hand and shifted our position so he could be on top. I was starting to become excited so instead of punching him, I started to rub my body against his. He looked at me with his eyes widely open and I smiled in victory as I felt his hard on between my legs. We were putting on quite a show.

He suddenly drew back and I noticed that he was shaking.

"Stay the hell away from me," he hissed.

He. Hissed. I felt like a snake. I was a snake. My house was Slytherin, for Merlin's sake. What did he expect from me? I wasn't a saint. I had needs. I had ambitions. I wanted him for myself. I didn't want us to be just friends. I wanted everything.

Please, come back, my heart screamed as it watched Harry walk away.

I spent the rest of the day in my room, calling myself stupid over and over again.

----------

So, that was the end of my friendship with Potter. It lasted what? Two weeks? It was a record for me. I'd never had a friend. Harry was the first. I didn't miss him. Not at all. He was an annoying brat.

Even when he was dark, he was still good. I wasn't good. It would never have worked out between us. It was fated to end in tears and sadness. But I wasn't sad. Not at all. I was... resigned about the whole thing. Yeah, that was the word.

God, who was I kidding? I was such a liar. I missed him so much. I wanted to apologise for being who I was. What did he expect, anyway? That I would be another Ron Weasley? That I would be one more sidekick in his life? No way. I was Draco Malfoy. I didn't like to be in second place. I never did.

But still... I was almost giving up my pride. I needed to talk to him. I wanted to tease him and watch him practicing Quidditch. I wanted to study with him and listen to the sound of his voice. I wanted us to be friends again.

I didn't do anything though. Life went on and I tried to forget about him. Professor Snape helped me a lot in that aspect. Since I was the Head-Boy of Slytherin, he gave me more and more work to do in hope that I would kick Harry out of my mind. It worked for a while until Hermione lectured me two weeks later about my nasty behaviour.

"I trusted you, Malfoy! Even Ron trusted you and you blew everything!"

"What did you want me to do? He's such a bloody asshole. He kept provoking me and then pushing me away as if nothing was happening between us. He kept denying the obvious and I was just sick of it! I'm not his bloody toy!" I said angrily.

"And he's not yours!" she stated.

And she was right. Dammit!

"You were so close, Malfoy! So close! He was finally smiling again, and Ron even told me that his nightmares had diminished."

He had nightmares? Holy shit! I didn't know that. Why didn't anyone tell me?

"He was almost getting over Hagrid's death," Hermione went on. "You know, since it happened, he's refused to talk to anyone about it. I think he feels guilty. And you were almost getting him to talk to you! He told me he liked to talk to you because you listened!"

My heart melted. He liked to talk to me. He never really talked about his deep feelings, except for that time when he'd confessed that he liked Snape because Snape had saved him so many times and he was the closest father figure that he had next to Sirius Black and Remus Lupin. But Snape still acted as if he didn't like Harry and that made him very sad. That was the only time he opened up his heart to me and let me hold his hand for a while. I loved that moment.

And then there was the death of the half-giant. I never liked Hagrid much. I mean, he was a giant, it didn't matter if Dumbledore trusted him. For me, he was dangerous and unstable. But not for Harry. For Harry, Hagrid was a hero. The hero that saved him from the Dursleys.

Harry had talked to me about him once but he didn't go too far into the subject. I noticed that it hurt to talk about Hagrid, so I didn't push him. Now I wished I had. I didn't know he had had such a trauma over his death. I never knew how he'd died.

"Is this why he's so dark then?" I asked. "Because of Hagrid?"

"I don't know, but I think so. He's never talked to us about it no matter how many times we've asked."

It was then that I decided to win Harry Potter back. It didn't matter if he would make me crawl for him. Hermione told me he was on the Quidditch Pitch all alone and sad. I spotted him sitting down in the one of the stalls and I noticed that his eyes flinched when he saw me.

"Malfoy. What are you doing here? I thought I made it very clear that I wanted you to stay the hell away from me," he said.

He was trying to be stoic about me. I wouldn't let him.

"I'm sorry." Just like that.

He shook his head. "It doesn't matter anymore."

"You know I want you," I said almost stuttering.

He closed his eyes and shook his head again. "Please go away."

"I want you... to be my friend again."

Then he opened his eyes very slowly and stared at me.

"I told you I didn't know how to be a friend," I said, knowing that this poor excuse wasn't enough.

He smiled weakly. "Yeah, I remember."

"So? Do you want to be my friend again?"

He only nodded. Just like that. My heart stopped beating 'cause I didn't realise it would be so easy.

"Ok," I said without hiding my surprise.

Silence.

"So, what do you want to do?" I asked.

And again, his actions caught me by surprise. He kissed me on the cheek and hugged me tight.

"Is this how friends make up?" I joked, hugging him back.

"Yes, it is," he said, and with my eyes shut to prevent myself from getting too sentimental, I smiled.