Obsession

Chap.1 - CALL IT OBSESSION

Ok. Bloody hell, I admit it. I, Draco Malfoy, the brat that made everyone's life miserable for the past seven years at school, the sex-god of Slytherin who had anyone he wanted, was obsessed.

I. Was. Obsessed.

I couldn't believe it at first, but as I started to stare at him endlessly, I knew I couldn't lie to myself anymore. It wasn't my fault. It was all his fault for being so bloody tempting and sexy with that messy black hair of his, and that emerald green eyes that seemed to invite me to get closer and be drawn into it, or those lips that were pleading to be kissed and ravished.

I wanted to ravish him.

I wonder how I could be so clueless about my real feelings for him for all those years.

Hate.

I thought I hated him, and in a way, I still did. But now I realised that I was only obsessed with him. I needed to have him for myself at least for an hour or a day.

I wanted Harry Potter.

The problem was, I didn't know if he wanted me and I couldn't risk a rejection. A rejection would ruin my reputation and I just could not allow that to happen. I needed a plan.

-----------------

All right. So I couldn't think of anything to approach him and this was driving me nuts. What I hated about it the most was that I was the one that had to do all the hunting. I was the one that had to come up with something to make him fall for me and not the other way around. It should be the other way around but it wasn't and I was going insane here.

I sat next to him in Potion's class and I tried to pick up a conversation. Ok, maybe calling him Scar Head and Granger a Mudblood wasn't the smartest of my moves, but still... Why couldn't he just be enchanted by my eyes like I was enchanted for his? It was so bloody unfair and I wanted to blow up something. I wanted to blow him away. But he didn't give a fuck about me and it was not like I didn't see his point. I made his life miserable for so long that it would be hard to make him see me.

I wanted to show him the real me, without the mask that I used on daily basis. I didn't have my father as an excuse now. My father was living in exile, arrested in a wizard's prison, banished from the wizarding community for committing too many atrocities in the name of Lord Voldemort and his gang. Even though he was an evil bastard, I kind of missed him. I don't know why, he never treated me with any respect. Still...

But I was missing the point. Even with my father so far away and not being a threat to my mother and me, I still couldn't get rid of the mask.

I couldn't believe I just thought that! Of course I didn't want to show him who I really was. I just wanted him. Simple as that. It was not like I loved him or anything like that.

For the record, I didn't love Harry Potter. It was just a crush and nothing more.

---------------

So, there he was again, all alone in the library. I wondered where his sidekicks were.

"Potter"

Shit! Did I really say his name out loud?

"Malfoy," he said with a cold tone of voice.

Yes, I did. What should I say next? I felt speechless for the first time in my life and so I did the only logical thing I could do in a situation like that. I sat next to him and stared at him so maybe he could get a clue and realise I wanted him badly. He didn't say anything though. He just stared back at me with a blank expression.

It's been a while since the last time I was able to read him. I had always been able to know exactly what he was feeling or thinking and I actually felt very proud of that particular skill. But after the ultimate battle against the Dark Lord, Harry's face seemed to become unreadable to me. And I had the feeling that his friends felt as much frustrated and distressed as I felt by this. I wanted to crawl into his deep thought and see what the hell was happening to him. Sometimes I woke up with him screaming for help and I didn't know what to make of those nightmares. I wanted to understand him. I wanted...

No, I didn't! I just wanted to fuck him. Simple as that. Unfortunately, Harry Potter was anything but simple.

"Why are you staring at me like this?" he asked, annoyed. "Don't you have something better to do with your time?"

The irritating son of a bitch! Who the hell did he think he was to talk to me like this?

"The library isn't your property, Potter!"

"I didn't say it was. You can stay here if you like; just as long as you stay the hell away from me."

He really had nerves, the bastard! I took a deep breath and spilt the words, "I want to talk to you."

"Then we have a problem, because I don't want to talk to you. Not now, not ever," he said right away.

He turned his eyes to the book that was open in front of him. I wanted to shut it and shake him.

"I'll do all the talking then," I smirked.

He smirked back. The bloody bastard smirked back! I never saw Harry smirk and that sent chills down my spine. I wanted so much to ask him why he had become so dark but I didn't care about his reasons.

No, I was such a liar. Of course, I cared. There was a time that I hated him for smiling so freely and being so damn optimistic and happy and adored by everyone. Now I hated him because he didn't laugh anymore. I loved his laughter. I wanted to make him laugh again.

NO! I didn't love anything about him! I only wanted him. Want, Draco, not love!

Harry shot me a cold look. I was the one who was supposed to be cold, not the Boy Wonder. And yet, he was becoming bitter and bitter every day. I wanted so much to understand why. I wanted to hold him and tell him that everything would be all right.

"I want you."

Woah! Wait a fucking minute! Did I just say that?

I looked at Harry and saw his eyes flickering and his mouth slightly opened. He lost the cold posture and that was a good sign. It was a victory for me, really. I thought Harry was untouchable and insensible, and I think he thought the same. He must be feeling really surprise by all of this. I had managed to break the ice wall that Harry had constructed around himself. Yes! I almost did my victory dance.

"Are you mental?" he asked, looking disgusted.

Or maybe not. The ice wall was back in place again. Damn him!

"You didn't let me finish," I sneered, "I want you to race with me."

I saw disappointment in his eyes. Was I reading it right? Maybe he wanted me to want him. But as fast as it appeared, that emotion quickly vanished from his beautiful eyes.

"Why?" he asked, trying not to show how curious he was.

"I noted that you've been isolated, Potter. You barely pay attention to the classes and you don't hang around with the other musketeers anymore. I figure that you want some emotion in your life, maybe a little bit of adrenaline and excitement. I can give you that. I was always able to give you that."

"And why would you want to do that for me?"

"Because I can," I shrugged.

"It's not enough for me."

I wanted so much to kick him in that moment.

"We can make a bet. If I win, you'll have to do whatever I want. If you win, you can ask me to do anything you want."

His eyes suddenly sparkled with mischief and I asked myself if I was doing the right thing.

"Anything?"

"Yes."

Anything to take you out of your gloomy world, Harry Potter. I hated the sadness and emptiness in his eyes.

"I didn't know you cared," he mocked.

Oops. He had a point. I didn't care but the way I said it... I had to think of something fast, some very good lie.

"Dumbledore," it was the only word I said. What the fuck.

He looked at me and frowned. "Dumbledore?"

"Dumbledore said I should help you. He said he noticed that you haven't been yourself lately and he asked me if I could help you. I don't know. Maybe... talk... to you," I was almost stuttering. Dammit!

That had been such a shitty - and corny - lie... Honestly, I could have thought about something better to say but I was never good under pressure. I felt like bashing my head on the nearest wall.

"Why you?" he insisted.

Why couldn't he just accept it, for Merlin's sake?

"Because... because..."

Great. Now I was back to being speechless again.

"Because I'm the only one that can get under your skin," I said it as if it was actually true. I wish it was.

"That's bullshit!" he said as if he had been insulted.

I just shrugged but deep down I was kind of... hurt. Bollocks!

"I don't need anyone's help. I'm fine." He crossed his arms. "Why can't Dumbledore just leave me alone? It's the fourth time he sends someone to help me! I'm getting sick of it! I didn't accept Ron's and Hermione's help, so what makes you think that I'll accept yours?"

"Because I know what it's like to be dark."

"No one..."

He shut his mouth quickly. I wish he had finished that sentence. He didn't though, and I didn't push him.

"All right. Let's do it," he said all of a sudden. "Maybe then Dumbledore will stop harassing me."

I almost fell out of the chair. Maybe my surprise was showing in my face because he looked at me amusedly.

"Ok."

He raised an eyebrow. "Are you all right? You look pale."

Really? I didn't know why I was feeling as though all the blood in my body had been sucked out of my veins. All I knew was that I had to stop being such a sissy and get a grip on myself. Potter had accepted my offer. So what? Deal with it, Malfoy!

---------------

I've been waiting for Potter at the Quidditch field for an hour. The bastard wouldn't show up. There I was, with my best Slytherin outfit, thinking that I was finally going to nail him and the bastard didn't show up! I couldn't believe just how stupid I was. Honestly, I was his enemy. There was no way Dumbledore would send me to help him deal with his problems. He probably had talked to Dumbledore and discovered that everything was a lie. And I would have to be prepared for public humiliation.

I felt tears in my eyes. I wasn't about to cry, was I? I hated to cry. I used to cry a lot when I was a kid. Father used to beat the shit out of me when I wasn't a good boy. I was never a good boy, so you can figure out what happened most of the times.

But I wasn't going to cry because of this silly episode.

I was about to leave, feeling as melancholy as it was possible in a situation like that, when I spotted him walking calmly in my direction. My heart skipped a beat and I felt my hands shaking. I couldn't help but smile - an actual smile - and I tried my best to hide the way I was feeling.

He looked at me and smirked. God, I hated that damn smirk!

"Hey, Malfoy."

"Potter"

He looked at the sky and then back at me. "Do you think it's going to rain?"

Small talk. I could play that game.

"I don't know, Potter. The sky looks pretty clean to me. Scared of a little rain? Are you made of sugar or something?" I smirked.

You see, I could smirk, because the smirk thing was my trademark.

"No, Malfoy. I just wanted to calculate the odds of you getting struck by a lightning."

Ouch. That hurt.

"I wish Voldemort had killed you when he had the chance," I muttered with all my hatred.

It was a dumb thing to say, of course. I wasn't thinking. I was hurt. Please, forgive me.

"I wish the same thing sometimes," he said as if he was talking about the weather.

And then he started walking away. In that moment I felt as if I had been struck by a lightning for real. I couldn't let him walk away from me. I just couldn't. I was so close to having him for myself. I should learn to be quiet!

"Potter, wait!"

I ran after him and I touched his shoulder. He tensed under my fingers. My forefinger brushed his neck slightly and it couldn't hold itself still. My hand had a will of its own. I wanted to pull him against my body and kiss him, but I didn't do any of those things. I just...

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that."

"Yes, you did," he said softly.

"Please, stay."

Did I just plead for him to stay? It looked like I did. He turned around to face me and I saw his confusion. He was trying to figure me out, I could feel it. His eyes didn't leave mine. The ranging hard-on that had sprung up the moment I saw him walking toward me almost erupted on its own. I almost erupted only with the intensity of his eyes. If he didn't stop that circumstantial examination of my soul, I would be a wreck by the end of the day. I would start shivering and muttering foolish things. I would tell him that I loved him.

NO! Never!

"Let's race, Malfoy. I can't wait to see you dance Macarena over the Slytherin table."

It was like a cold shower and I woke up from the dreamland.

"What? What's this Macarena dance?"

I was truly curious. I didn't know what he was talking about. It was probably some Muggle joke.

He smiled. Oh, my God! He smiled! He smiled at me!

"Never mind, Malfoy."

He mounted on his broom and took off. I followed him moments later, when I recovered from the force of his smile. I explained to him again the rules of that game and I never thought he would cheat, but as I was counting till three, he zoomed away before I finished. I didn't know if I should laugh or yell at him and I decided to zoom after him.

Our brooms danced in the air. I remembered something stupid I said to him in our second year. In a Quidditch match I asked him if he was training for the ballet. As we chased after each other now, we were both dancing together, looping in the air with our brooms, just like in a ballet. I've eaten the words I said out of envy. It was great to dance with Potter.

I couldn't forget that that was a game and that I had to win. I couldn't afford to lose. We were in our last lap and I had a little advantage over him. I was already counting on the victory, thinking if I should ask him to kiss me right away or save it for later, when the bastard passed in front of me and won.

I couldn't believe my bad luck. I lost the race. I would have to dance the Macarena thing and bear the public humiliation. I wanted to cry, not because I knew Potter would make me do something stupid in front of the whole school but because I lost the opportunity to have him for myself. I lost the opportunity to savour his lips for at least one time in my life.

We got off our brooms and I couldn't look at him. I didn't want to see the triumph in his eyes. And then, the most incredible thing happened. I felt him touching my chin gently and raising it so our eyes could be in the same level. I saw his cheeks rosy from the exercise, the green eyes glowing and the open smile lighting up his face. It's been a while since the last time he smiled like that. I forgot to breathe because his smile took my breath away.

"Can I collect my prize now?" he asked in a whisper.

I didn't have strength to do anything but nod. And then he kissed me.