Take me Home

Chap. 19 - The Day After

"I just couldn't find it! What more do you want from me? I tried my best!" shouted Blaise.

"He fucking told you where to find the antidote of the controlling potion!" Harry roared back. "Draco saw it in his visions. How could you not find it?"

"I told you already! It wasn't there! Or do you really think Lord Voldemort would be stupid enough to have it lying around for everyone to see? They switch their meeting room all the time! They switch everything from one place to another. They're paranoid about their secrets. And I'm bloody sick of it all! I thought I could make a difference. It turns out I was wrong!" Blaise ranted on. "I don't want to go back there ever again, so just fuck off!"

Both boys breathed hard. Blaise could see Harry's eyes. They were filled with a deep, solemn sadness which aroused Blaise's pity in a way.

Blaise had come a long way, and he was both wounded and discouraged. He longed to take a long vacation away from the whirlwind of happenings in the wizarding world. Most of all, he missed Seamus. Their time apart had been a lot more difficult than he had thought. He had lost count of how many nights he had let his thoughts wander back to Seamus, even though he knew he shouldn't. He couldn't be a spy anymore. He realised it was too much, even for a person like him. He knew his decision would let a lot of people down - especially Draco - but his part was done.

Harry let his body slide to the floor where he sat with his hands in his head. He knew in his heart that the situation was none of Blaise's fault, and he couldn't blame the other boy for not finding Draco's cure.

Blaise had done a lot more than just take care of Draco. It was thanks to Blaise Zabini that the Order of the Phoenix had found the location of two concentration camps and was already making arrangements to free the prisoners. But Harry had been waiting a long time for a cure to Draco's illness, and he wasn't able to accept defeat.

Not again.

He was supposed to have the old Draco back by now, but they weren't even close. Everyone around advised that he be patient, while he was steeped in despair. His desperate hope was severely shaken, especially after the events of the previous night.

Harry raised his head, ready to begin another rant, but shut his mouth when he saw his father and Sirius. Their gloomy expressions didn't tell of good news. Harry was by their side in a second, his heart pounding.

"Is Draco...?" he began to ask nervously.

"Oh, don't worry," James cut in. "He's fine. He's just woken up. Lucius is with him now. They have a lot to talk about. And before you ask, Harry, everybody thinks it's best for you to avoid Draco for a few days. He seems to think he's a prisoner here." James turned to Blaise and said, "You should go to him after Lucius and he are done. He asked for you."

Harry flared up with jealousy. Blaise noticed the tension in Harry's neck muscles, and in spite of temptation, traded his usual smirk for a very serious expression. It wouldn't be wise to provoke Harry's anger at this stage, and would only make things worse between them.

"Before you go the Hospital Wing, though, we need to ask you a few things," James continued, still looking at Blaise.

Blaise stared at them, puzzled and distrustful. He knew he wouldn't escape the long detailed inquiry that he was sure the Order had prepared for him, but he didn't expect it to be so soon. He had talked to Dumbledore already and the old man had promised not to trouble him with questions until Blaise was ready for them. He was most certainly not ready for them yet. Harry had stressed him out enough for a day.

"It's about Remus Lupin," James said, making Blaise shiver slightly. "You told Dumbledore that you helped him escape the Black Fortress, but that you didn't know what had happened to him. You also told Dumbledore that-"

"Alexis Lestrange is dead," Sirius said ahead of James.

"Yeah, so?" Blaise's body language was clearly defensive, but James didn't think Sirius would go easy on him.

If James let Sirius do the talking, he knew his friend would snap quickly and terrify the boy. James didn't want that to happen, so he began carefully, "We know you're tired, but Remus is our friend. We're very worried about him. We just want to know how long it would take for him to get here."

The piercing gazes of all three men disturbed him. There would be no answer satisfactory enough to please them. Blaise didn't think that it would take long for someone experienced in the art of Apparation to move from place to place. But he couldn't be sure that Professor Lupin had successfully found the exit of the secret passage. He didn't think that the tall guy with the murderous look would be pleased to hear that, so he tried to be diplomatic when he said, "Well, I think that... given the amount of stress and all... he might take a while to recover and then Apparate out of there. After the secret passage, you have to walk for a few minutes in order to be able to Disapparate out of there. I suppose... he's just resting before risking his body again."

"What happened in the passage? What went wrong?" asked Sirius, trying hard to suppress the urge to shake Blaise until he confessed everything he knew.

"Macnair followed and attacked us. A rock hit Alex in the head when he was trying to save Lupin. That was when Lupin lost it and killed Macnair..." Blaise paused as he heard Sirius, James and Harry gasp. The one who looked most disturbed by the information was Sirius. Blaise could understand that. For a person as kind as Professor Lupin, killing someone - even someone as deserving as Macnair - was unbelievable. Blaise was surprised that Lupin had lasted this long as a Death Eater. One look at him was enough to figure out that he was way too noble for a job like that."

"James..."

James could feel all the desperation in Sirius' voice. Blaise might have his assumptions about Remus' character, but Sirius and James knew it very well. They knew how broken Remus must have felt after taking a life.

"Is there a way to look for him? Can we Apparate close to the passage?" James asked.

Blaise shook his head and Sirius grunted in frustration for he wasn't quite sure of Blaise's honesty. Blaise couldn't care less. He had had enough of those people coming after him as if he had all the answers. First it was Dumbledore, then Harry, and now them.

"How can you be so sure there isn't a way? Wasn't your staying there as spy a means to find the location of the Black Fortress?" Sirius questioned distrustfully.

"My staying there!?!" Blaise exclaimed, outraged. As far as he was concerned, he owed nothing to these people. The only one he was supposed to report to was Dumbledore. "My priority was to keep Draco from doing something he would regret later. I don't know the location to the Black Fortress!"

"How is that possible? You were there!" Sirius pointed out.

"Only a few know the way. The curious fact about the Black Fortress is that its whereabouts are a total mystery for most of the Death Eaters. We can Disapparate easily after walking a few miles. But you cannot Apparate back," Blaise explained. "Only a few are authorised to do it. Once you're there, it's like being away from civilisation. You lose track of time and space. The only thing I know about it is that it's close to the sea and built next to a deep cliff. That's all I know."

"Then how do you get back when you are out?" Harry asked.

Blaise sighed. "We call them guides. We always get out in large groups and two or three guides come along to help us get back afterwards. They are the only ones who know how to break Voldemort's strong protection spell. There's a password, but I don't know what it is." Blaise felt Sirius' eyes on him, evaluating his words as if searching for some secret behind them. Blaise grunted, upset. "Look, I'm telling the truth! I swear I don't know how to get to the Black Fortress. If I knew I would tell. Isn't it enough that I already told the Headmaster how to reach the MCCs? Why won't you people give me a break?" he complained.

While Sirius and Harry didn't seem very sympathetic to the boy, James stared at him with understanding eyes that made Blaise relax a little.

"What about Draco?" Sirius asked. "Does he know the password?"

Blaise bit his lower lip and looked away before he nodded.

"Draco won't tell," Harry said firmly, making Sirius frown.

"I don't think he will either," Blaise agreed. They both knew Draco's personality very well.

"Why do you say that?" Sirius asked Harry.

"As much as I hate to admit this, Draco is a Death Eater now. He'll protect their secret. Unless..."

James and Sirius looked at Harry expectantly. "Unless?" They asked in unison.

"Unless I try breaking the controlling potion myself." There was a determination in Harry's voice that worried James.

"Forget it, Harry. Dumbledore already said no to the Daydream spell. It's too dangerous as it is. I won't allow it," James declared.

"But..."

"Care to explain this idea to me?" Sirius asked, puzzled. "Is this the same thing Malfoy tried with you, James?"

James didn't answer. Instead, he declared, "Forget about it, Sirius. And you too, Harry. You know you'll be risking your life and his by trying it. We don't know how this controlling spell works exactly. So don't even think about it. As your father I forbid you from trying it."

"But I think I can do it," Harry said with pleading eyes. "I think I already did it once! I mean, I'm not sure if it was a dream or not, but... I'm almost convinced that it wasn't and..."

"No means no!" James stated, starting to be angry. "You aren't strong enough! You heard Madam Pomfrey. You should be resting today! Let's just wait a while. I'm sure Lucius will convince Draco of the truth and we won't have to resort to drastic measures like the Daydream spell. In the mean time, Sirius and I will find another way to search for Remus. Thanks for your help, Blaise."

James dragged away a very unsatisfied Sirius. Harry and Blaise stared at each other suspiciously.

"Were you telling the truth about Remus and the Black Fortress?" Harry asked with raised eyebrows.

Blaise rolled his eyes. "Yes, Potter, I was. I..." Blaise's expression softened a little. "I'm worried about Lupin too. I feel responsible for him. After all, I was the one who suggested the passage as a getaway in the first place. I didn't expect us to be followed."

Harry decided to believe him because Blaise seemed genuinely upset. "So the only way to find the Black Fortress is through Draco..." Harry said to himself. He sighed deeply. He hoped Remus was all right. Erin would be devastated when she heard about her brother's death. So many problems made Harry worried less about himself. At least he and Draco were now under the same roof. Even though Draco couldn't recognise Harry as his lover, Harry would find a way to bring his Draco back.

"What's this Daydream spell about?" Blaise asked curiously.

Harry stared at him. "Just a spell."

"Go to hell, Potter!" Blaise exclaimed, annoyed. "The only reason I'm asking is because Draco had a weird dream a little before Christmas and he ordered me to search for books about people invading one another's dreams. He wanted me to know if it was possible. So... is it?" Blaise asked.

Harry's heart almost stopped. Draco's request couldn't be just a coincidence. It surely meant that he and Harry were still connected through the Daydream spell. Harry was now convinced that it wasn't just a dream. He could almost kiss Blaise for that piece of information. No one would stop him from trying the spell again, not even James.

"Potter?" Blaise asked, wondering why he was being ignored.

Harry smiled mysteriously. "Just rest, Zabini. I need to think about a few things..."

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Draco was sure that he was living in an alternate reality, because there was no way his father was telling him the truth. Lucius had sat down with him a little before he had awakened to explain to Draco how his son - a Malfoy - had fallen in love with Harry Potter and then risked losing his father's esteem for it. Lucius had told him how bold Draco had been for enduring hard times for Harry's sake, and how that love had warmed Lucius' hardened heart to the point that he himself had sought for a long lost love of his own.

It had been shocking enough to find out that Lucius Malfoy - his corrupted and heartless father - had joined the Order of the Phoenix to fight against Lord Voldemort. But to know that Lucius was actually in love with someone was astonishing to say the least. It was even harder to understand that the gap in Draco's life was caused by a controlling potion that had made him lose his memory of everything he had lived and experienced with Harry Potter. The whole thing sounded rather fantastic and surreal.

Draco was feeling sick. He looked at Lucius as if begging for a better explanation. He expected Lucius to laugh at any moment and tell him that his tale was only a practical joke. But as he stared deeply into his father's eyes, Draco didn't recognise the serious man in front of him. Lucius still seemed cold and distant, but Draco could feel that something was different. The coldness wasn't reaching Lucius' eyes. His father was telling him the truth. Draco gulped and than sighed. His hands were shaking, but he tried not to show how disturbed he was.

"I don't get it," he said. "You aren't my father. You can't be."

Lucius' famous sneer appeared on his lips. "I am your father, though not the father you knew before. And the irony of it all is that you were the one who helped change the way I was, but now you don't even remember that."

"Tell me it's all a lie. Tell me you're joking about all this, and that you're only here to spy for Lord Voldemort! I heard someone say that you were trying to buy your way in again, that you were feeding our side with valuable information," Draco stated. That was something that made sense to him, not some elaborate fairy tale about his love for Harry Potter changing the course of his and his father's life. "I never believed you were a traitor. I always tried to convince Lord Voldemort of your innocence. I was sure there was a perfect explanation of why you joined the Order. I didn't doubt you or my mother for a moment."

James was one of Lucius' reasons for joining the Order in the first place. The other reason was to redeem himself in order to be a better father and human being. But Lucius wasn't so sure that Draco would understand those things. His son looked confused enough. Lucius considered lying to him and telling the things Draco wanted to hear. It would make things easier for both of them. It wasn't easy for Lucius to admit any of the things he had told Draco. Lying would make Draco believe and trust him. But it would also make them take several steps back. Not to mention that James - who was already very suspicious of him - would be very angry.

It was ironic. The whole situation would be funny if it weren't so tragic. Draco was behaving just as the old Lucius had expected him to. In the past, Lucius had dreamed of Draco falling into Voldemort's grace many times. He had anticipated the power and prestige that a marriage between Draco and Pansy would bring to his family. And even though deep down those things remained quite an attractive deal, Lucius had more important things to care about. He wouldn't trade his love for James or the happiness of his son for anything in the world. He was sure of those things now.

Lucius had faced his deepest fears when he had confronted the Death Eaters the previous night. He had put on his cold façade just so he could know about Draco, but had almost lost it when James was captured. Years of pretending had held him in check. He had hidden his true feelings so well that even James had fallen for his act.

But in spite of it all, Lucius knew he was changed, which was why it hurt to see Draco looking and acting like the perfect Malfoy.

"I don't love Harry Potter," said Draco disturbed. His outraged voice amused Lucius. If only his son knew how lovesick he really was for Harry. "It isn't even funny to suggest such a... a..." Draco couldn't even find the words. It was preposterous to be in love with a man, let alone Harry Potter, his enemy.

"No, it isn't funny at all," Lucius agreed with a sneer. "You don't want to know my reaction when I first found out."

Draco stared at him. "But now you seem ok with it."

Lucius moved around uncomfortably. "I didn't have a choice. The Potters are the kind of people that grow on you when you aren't paying attention."

Draco frowned. "The Potters?"

Lucius cursed his big mouth. It wasn't safe to talk about his feelings for James. One thing at a time. Draco was confused enough as it was. Besides, Draco was still under Voldemort's influence. Even though Lucius didn't think Draco would tell Voldemort about Lucius' love for James Potter, one could never be too careful.

"You haven't told me who you're in love with," Draco pointed out suspiciously.

"It isn't important anyway. What matters now is your safety and cure," Lucius stated, trying to change the subject. "You're to stay here from now on. Potter will want to talk to you. Are you sure you don't want to see him?"

Draco shook his head in disbelief. "I can't believe you. I can't believe any of this! I don't know who you are anymore. You're certainly not the father who raised me! Asking me such a thing! Of course I don't want to see Potter! Not unless you tell me to kidnap him and bring him to Lord Voldemort! This isn't happening! You filled my head with your ideals my entire life. I was to become a powerful and fearless Death Eater. But now you want me to hook up with Harry Potter as if it was the normal thing to do!" Draco was beside himself. "I don't understand you! I'm not sick! You are! You should have your head checked!"

"Watch your language when you speak to me, Draco!"

"Why should I? You're a complete stranger now." Draco walked towards the window and stared outside with his arms crossed. "Lord Voldemort warned me not to trust you. He was right. You were brainwashed or something. All you tell me are lies."

Lucius' lips curled. "You would trust Voldemort over your father?"

"My father would never have joined the Order," Draco said coldly. He was hurt because nothing he did was ever good enough for Lucius. He had turned out to be exactly what Lucius had wanted him to all his life, and now Lucius was denying everything.

"I wouldn't under normal circumstances," Lucius said. "But you convinced me otherwise."

Draco whirled around, wide-eyed. "Me? How could that be possible?"

Lucius moved over to stand next to his son. "Voldemort might have taken away your memory of recent events, but he can't take away your feelings, Draco. Look deep inside your heart and tell me if you really wanted to be a Death Eater. When I first took you to a meeting, you embarrassed me. Do you remember? It was the first time you tried to defy me. I think you already had Harry Potter on your mind when you did that."

Draco shook his head violently. "I don't know what you're talking about. I don't remember any of this."

"Then go back to your first encounter with Potter! Try to remember everything you ever felt when he crossed your way. Was it only pure hate, Draco, or was it something else hidden inside of you? Something was growing inside you, wasn't it? It isn't possible that you don't have any recollection of your feelings. Your love for him is there somewhere! You just have to let it come out again!"

"NO! Stop it!" Draco shouted, disturbed. "Just stop it!" Draco heard a terrible buzzing in his ears, his head splitting in all directions at once. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't think. He felt he was about to lose his senses.

Lucius carried Draco to his bed. Draco could feel his father's concern and love in every gesture and it truly shocked him. The father he remembered never showed his true emotions. Could Lucius Malfoy really have turned?

Lucius was about to reach the door when Draco's voice made him turn around.

"Where are you going?" Draco asked.

"To call Madam Pomfrey."

Draco shook his head. "I don't need her."

"You don't look so good, Draco," Lucius said. "I'll be gone for a minute."

"I'm fine now. My head doesn't hurt anymore." Lucius didn't seem to believe him and Draco said, "You have changed. I don't remember ever seeing you so worried."

"I was very worried when you were hit by Crucio in my place," Lucius remembered.

Draco opened his eyes wide. "I took the Cruciatus curse to save you?"

Lucius walked towards his bed and sat next to him. "Yes. That gesture of yours was the first step to melt the coldness in my heart," said he. "I dreamed of seeing you like this, Draco, looking like the perfect Malfoy, cold and proud of your achievements. But I don't wish for that kind of life for you anymore. I curse myself for letting this happen to you. I was still confused when you were poisoned with the control potion. I didn't think Voldemort would use you... I failed you. I don't wish to fail you again."

Draco felt deeply touched by his father's words. He had never expected Lucius to show him such a softer side. Draco was stunned. He stared at the ceiling. "Lord Voldemort wouldn't risk making me his toy just to get to Potter. I don't feel like a toy. I have a will of my own. I even thought of..." Draco shut his mouth immediately. Just because he and Lucius were sharing a father and son bond for the first time in his life, it didn't mean he could let himself get carried away. He knew better than that.

Lucius looked at him with a frown. "You thought of what?"

"Nothing," Draco muttered.

"Draco..."

"I said it was nothing!" Draco exclaimed, upset.

Lucius didn't quite believe him. He stared at his son suspiciously; he decided to let it pass.

"I want to see Zabini," said Draco.

"He isn't the only one who knows about your past, Draco."

Draco shrugged. "Still... He was with me the whole time in the Black Fortress. I doubted him countless times, but I never doubted his loyalty to me. Isn't it peculiar?"

Lucius didn't say anything. He took something out of his pocket and then tossed it to Draco. Draco caught the folded parchment in his hands with curiosity. "What is this?" he asked Lucius.

"The letter you wrote me just before you were taken away by Alexis Lestrange. And before you ask, this isn't a trick. I didn't forge this letter. You know I wouldn't bother," he said, reminding Draco of the old Lucius Malfoy. Lucius stood up to leave, but before he went, he stared at Draco for a long time until he said, "I understand your confusion. Just take your time. Nobody is rushing you. Potter won't show up here unless he's invited. Nobody is out to get you, Draco. I wasn't a good father to you in the past, but I'm willing to be a better one now."

Draco watched his father leave silently. When he was alone, he closed his eyes and gripped the letter in his hands forcefully. If he looked deeply inside his heart, he would realise that Lucius was right about his feelings for Harry. That erotic dream alone should be enough to convince him. But Draco couldn't admit to something so shameful. Harry Potter meant nothing to him and he would prove it to his father. With a sigh, he unfolded the letter and read it.

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Madam Pomfrey didn't think she had ever worked so much in her life, not even in the first battle against Voldemort. Everyday she attended a different person's wounds, and each time her heart constricted with suffering. She had just taken care of Remus Lupin, and body wounds were nothing compared to his damaged state of mind. Remus was a wreck. She had healing potions for scratches and bruises, but it was quite hard to mend a broken soul. She closed the door behind her with a sad sigh and then got ready for Sirius and James impending arrival.

"Is he really here?" asked James.

"Is he ok?" questioned Sirius.

She smiled feebly at both of them. "He just needs a little rest."

"Can we see him?" Sirius asked eagerly. He had been dying to see Remus again. He couldn't wait to hold him. Madam Pomfrey's strange face made him frown. "What?"

"He doesn't want to see anyone at the moment, and I personally think it's for the best. He needs to sleep. A ruckus wouldn't do him any good," she explained.

"A ruckus?" Sirius made an outraged face. "Well, if you call us being worried sick about our dearest friend a ruckus..."

"He just needs to rest, Sirius. It's enough to know he's ok," James said, trying to appease his friend's anxiety.

Sirius sighed impatiently. "He might be ok, but I know him, James. He's suffering like hell. You know how guilty he must be feeling for taking someone's life. I feel that he needs us right now. He needs our comfort and-"

"He's my patient. I know very well what he needs, and right now he's in need of a good rest," said Madam Pomfrey resolutely. She didn't want to tell them that Remus had requested not to be disturbed by any of his friends. She was hoping that Remus would change his mind once he was rested. "Well, well, you can go now! Remus isn't going anywhere. Come back later."

Sirius didn't like that, but he followed James out all the same. He stared at his friend, who stared back at him with mistrust.

"Sirius... you heard the woman. Just give Remus some time alone. He's sleeping anyway."

Sirius made a face. "Well, yeah, but... What's the harm in looking at him, you know, just to make sure it's really him?"

James rolled his eyes. "I'm sure Madam Pomfrey knows who Remus is."

"He might be a Death Eater pretending to be Remus," Sirius said.

James smiled. "Aren't you overreacting? Dumbledore is being extra-careful of who enters Hogwarts. I'm sure it is Remus in that room. Just let him rest, Sirius. We can see him later."

Sirius didn't seem so pleased with that decision. He couldn't wait that long. He would explode if he didn't see Remus soon. He waited for James to go after Lucius before tiptoeing back to the Hospital Wing. He looked around in search for Madam Pomfrey and when he didn't find her, he opened the door to Remus' room carefully and entered. He found his friend lying on the bed with his eyes closed. Sirius walked towards it silently and stopped next to it. His heart almost stopped at the sight of Remus' bruised face.

Sirius felt like the lowest life form on the planet. It was his fault that Remus had gone on that suicide mission. If it weren't for Sirius' stupidity, Remus wouldn't be so hurt and broken. He wouldn't have witnessed his lover's death. He wouldn't have killed anyone.

Sirius' eyes filled with tears, and he wasn't able to hold back the urge to stroke Remus. His touch made Remus' eyes fly open and stare at him with fear.

"Remus?" Sirius called softly.

Remus sighed deeply. "Sirius..." he said with a throaty voice. "I didn't want to see anyone."

Sirius stroked Remus' hair softly. "But I really wanted to see you. What were you thinking, Remus?"

Remus looked away and gulped. "He's dead. Alex is dead," he said, almost crying.

"I know, Moony. I'm sorry..." Sirius muttered.

"It's all my fault."

Sirius frowned. "What are you talking about?"

"Alex is dead because of me..."

The frown on Sirius' face grew. "Now, Remus, you can't really believe that. He chose his own fate. He was Voldemort's minion. What did you expect?"

Remus shook his head. "I'm cursed. Everybody near me ends up in a bad way."

Sirius couldn't believe his ears. "You don't know what you're talking about Remus."

"It's true!" Remus sat up in his bed and stared at Sirius with teary eyes. "My father told me this would happen. Once you are bitten by a werewolf, your life is doomed. I don't have the right to have friends. I shouldn't love anyone. Look at what happened to us! James had his life crushed. You spent thirteen years in prison! Peter became a traitor. Our lives were screwed up. And it's all my fault."

Sirius snorted. "You can't be serious! None of those things were your fault! You can't blame yourself for everything! I was arrested because I was stupid. I lost my head when I heard what had happened to James and Lily. I am to blame for my own mistakes, Remus."

"But if you hadn't become my friends... nothing would have happened..."

Sirius sat next to Remus and stared at him intently. "You're in shock. You have the right to be. You just went through a lot of stress." Sirius leaned forward to touch Remus, but his friend flinched. Even though that defensive gesture hurt Sirius' feelings, he cupped Remus' face in his hands and brought their foreheads together. "But don't think for a minute that anything that happened with me, James, Peter and Alex is your fault. I think it was stupid of you to go after Alex, but what's done is done. All that it's left for us to do is pick up the pieces and move on. That's what we've been doing all these years. We won't stop now. I'm sure Alex wanted you to live, Remus. He saved you, didn't he?" Remus nodded and Sirius smiled feebly at him. "See? He really loved you. Break down now, but come out of this stronger. I'm sure that's what Alex would have wanted for you."

Remus screwed his eyes tightly shut, but that didn't keep him from crying. Sirius brought him closer and made him lean his head on his shoulder. Remus didn't want to move on. He just wanted to shrink and die so that the pain in his existence would disappear. But somehow, Sirius' hug made him feel warmer, safer, like he was home for the first time in his life. It gave him the strength not to fall apart. He had missed Sirius. He had missed that bond they shared. He thought Sirius still hated him, but Remus couldn't feel any hate in Sirius' touch now, only tenderness. He held Sirius wishing that moment to linger. He felt a soft peck on his forehead, and then their eyes met.

"You don't hate me anymore, do you?" Remus asked in a whisper.

"Of course not! I never hated you, Moony. Ever," Sirius quickly denied.

"But you pushed me away. I didn't want it to happen. I never meant to ruin our friendship. It's the most important thing in my life," Remus said heartily.

Sirius sighed. "I'm sorry, Remus. I didn't mean to hurt you. I was just confused... I said things I didn't mean. I was irresponsible that day. I mistakenly blamed you when the only one to blame was me."

"I was irresponsible, too."

"Well... It's hard to resist me when I want something. My charms are devastating. So it isn't your fault. Blame it on my devilish looks and sweet-talk," Sirius joked, making Remus smile for the first time.

"You don't hate me then," Remus repeated to assure himself.

"I could never hate you." Sirius looked deeply into his eyes and whispered, "I love you."

Sirius had expected Remus to have some reaction when he said that. After all, he had just confessed his true feelings. But Remus hadn't seemed to grasp the seriousness of the situation. He'd just smiled feebly and thanked Sirius for being a good friend. Sirius wondered if he was losing his touch. Perhaps his stare hadn't been as intense as he thought it had been. There was also the fact that he didn't know for sure if Remus loved him the same way. It was one thing to hear his friends trying to convince Sirius that Remus had been in love with him for a long time. It was completely different to hear it from the person himself. It made things more real. He wanted to ask Remus about it, but he felt that this wasn't the appropriate time to do it. Remus was too fragile. Sirius didn't want to take advantage of him.

So instead of worrying about it, he lay down next to Remus and embraced his shaking body until Remus fell asleep. He closed his eyes too and let slumber overtake him.

----------------------------

Harry was not only tired mentally, but physically as well. Dumbledore had, of course, warned him about that. According to the Headmaster, Harry had pushed himself too hard during the battle, so his power level was low. Dumbledore told him to avoid stressful situations for at least a weak, but for a person such as Harry that was impossible. His heart and soul were restless. He had tried to tame his need to seek Draco out, but in vain. So by nightfall, he found himself under his invisibility cloak - thankfully, the cloak hadn't been confiscated - determined to have a look at Draco. But first, he dropped by at Hagrid's hut to apologise for the thestral's death.

It was difficult to face Hagrid. Harry felt so guilty that he wasn't able to look Hagrid in the eyes. But the half-giant treated him with his usual tenderness, which made Harry even more ashamed of himself.

"I was more worried 'bout you, Harry. Can't blame Malfoy for what he did either... I don' like him, but... He was thinking about your safety. That's what's important," said Hagrid as he served Harry some tea.

"But... I should've stayed here. I screwed up everything..." Harry looked defeated. "I couldn't keep Draco safe... I killed your thestral..."

Hagrid sighed sadly. "It wasn't your fault. You didn't know Murphy would be bitten by a werewolf zombie. That's something I'd like to see. A werewolf zombie... Quite scary, eh! I wonder if it's possible to tame one. What do you think, Harry?"

Harry shivered at the thought of Hagrid having a werewolf zombie as a pet, or worse, showing one in his classes as the next study subject. Hagrid misunderstood his worried expression. He patted Harry's back and almost sent him to the floor. "Don't worry, eh, Harry. I don't blame you for wanting to save Draco. I heard you saved a lot of people too. You're a good kid, Harry. So don't ye worry anymore. I'll say a prayer for Murphy tomorrow. Want to join me?"

Harry nodded with a smile, glad that Hagrid wasn't mad at him. He left the cabin feeling a little better, but the events of the previous night were still weighing on his shoulders. Did his presence in Little Whinging really made a difference? It was hard to tell. He had saved people, but he had failed Draco. He still felt bad about Murphy - the thestral - but he realised now that the werewolf zombie had been something totally unexpected. Murphy had been very brave to fight that scary creature.

Harry turned around a corner distractedly and bumped on someone.

"Ouch, Ron! I'm right behind you! Pay attention where you're going! You stepped on my foot!" complained Hermione.

"It wasn't my fault!" Ron defended himself. "I bumped into something." They stared ahead and saw nothing. Ron frowned. "And whatever it was, it made a really quick getaway!" he said.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Oh, please. If you bumped into something invisible then there's only one logical explanation. Harry!"

Harry came out from under the cloak and smiled at his best friends. Hermione barely waited for him to get up before wrapping her arms around him.

"What are you guys doing here?" asked Harry, delighted to meet his friends.

"We were supposed to be here yesterday, but mom wanted us to stay home and save what was left of Christmas," Ron began to explain. "But with dad, Bill and Charlie joining the battle, it goes without saying that Christmas was pretty much a disaster. Mom wouldn't stop crying... But now here we are!"

"And dying to see you, Harry!" exclaimed Hermione. "Were you going to see Draco?"

Harry made a face. "So you already know he's here."

"Of course we know!"

"I thought Dumbledore would keep it a secret," Harry said.

"Well... You know that there are no secrets in Hogwarts," Hermione said slightly flustered.

Ron smirked. "We met Zabini. Guess who pushed him to the wall and forced him to talk." Ron looked at Hermione fondly. "My girl is so brave."

Harry chuckled. "I should've known. Zabini told you then."

Hermione nodded. "It wasn't that difficult to make him talk. Ron is exaggerating. Blaise looks like he doesn't care anymore. He looked really tired. Maybe we should write Seamus and tell him to come comfort him."

"I'm not sure how Seamus would react to that," said Harry.

"Nonsense, Harry. You know pretty well how he would react," Hermione said matter-of-factly. "It's the same with you. You're already under your Invisibility cloak wandering the corridors all alone so you can meet with Draco. And I know you aren't supposed to be doing that."

Harry made a face. "What am I supposed to do? I know he doesn't remember me as his boyfriend, but I do! I miss him. I need to see him. I won't let him see me. I just want to make sure that he's ok. Did Zabini tell you how I screwed up last night?"

"He did," Hermione said with a sympathetic look. "You thought you were doing the right thing."

"Yeah, but I almost got us killed..." Harry said with a dejected face.

"Don't keep blaming yourself, Harry. Everything is ok now," Hermione said in a motherly tone. "Nobody died."

"Hagrid's thestral did," Harry pointed out.

"Well..." Hermione and Ron looked at each other in search for the right words to console Harry.

"Just go after him, Harry. We'll back you up," Ron said decisively. Harry and Hermione stared at him thunderstruck. "What?" Ron asked.

"I never thought you'd encourage Harry to go after Draco," Hermione said.

Ron shrugged. "Well, Harry likes him. I'd have done the same thing if it were me."

Harry smiled at his friend and then hugged him. "Thanks, Ron." Ron flushed from head to toe. "See you later, guys." Harry winked at them and vanished under the cloak.

Hermione took Ron's hand and began to walk again. Hermione was worried about Harry's meeting with Draco, but she knew Harry needed that moment alone with his boyfriend. She just hoped Draco would go easy on him, although that was just wishful thinking on her part. Ron looked at her thoughtfully. "Hermione? Where are we going now? We were after Harry, but we already met him, so... Should we keep an eye on Harry? I think we need to make sure that Malfoy won't be a total jerk to him."

Hermione looked sad. "Harry would be mad if we interfered in any way. We should leave them alone. I'm not sure how Draco will react, having forgotten all about the two of them, but if he really loved Harry, I'm sure his heart won't let him hurt Harry."

"Then what're going to do?" Ron asked.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Honestly, Ron, there's only us in the common room. What do you think we're going to do?"

Ron looked at her stunned, but then he smiled. "Why, Hermione, that's the first time you've invited me to make out."

Hermione frowned. "What are you talking about?"

Ron raised an eyebrow. "Well, didn't you say we have all the common room to ourselves? That's an invitation to play. We have a fireplace, a cosy couch, no one around..."

Hermione smiled softly and pecked his cheeks. "Ron, it's adorable the way your mind works. I mean, only you would think about this while hell is breaking loose! I'm talking about going back to the common room and having a look at all those books Viktor sent me from Romania. They are really ancient. It was quite hard for Viktor to find them and..."

Ron scowled jealously. "You're still Krum's pen-pal?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "We are friends. Of course we keep in touch."

"I don't like this..."

Hermione made a face. "He's helping me find a book for Draco's problem."

"You told him about Malfoy? He must be quite a close friend..." Ron grunted.

"I didn't tell him anything; just that I needed to find something about controlling potions."

"What if he's a Death Eater? You know those people from Durmstrang are weird."

"Viktor is fine," she stated.

"Hermione, how can you be sure? He might be deceiving you!"

She glared at him. "Do I look stupid to you? Do you think I could be deceived easily?"

Ron would like to say yes, but he knew better than that. So he did every effort he could to swallow his jealousy. Nothing could be gained from an angry Hermione. "Fine. You know what's best for yourself. If you think he's a nice guy, then he is. But just remember that you are my girl. Don't go giving him the wrong idea," he said, not being able to hold his tongue. He watched her open her mouth for her sharp comeback, but he cut in, saying, "Let's go then. We have lots of books to go through, so let's not waste our time arguing."

"You aren't jealous, then?" she asked uneasily.

Ron forced a smile. "Of course not. I trust you."

She gave him an odd look. "You could be a little jealous. Aren't you at least a little bit threatened by him?"

Ron started at her with utter confusion. "Well, I am a little jealous."

She smiled mysteriously. Ron only shook his head, bemused. He would never understand women anyway, so he might as well play along. Perhaps later they could make out in front of the fireplace.

----------------------------

James entered his room, ready for his final and decisive confrontation with Lucius, but he didn't find his lover there. He sighed, frustrated, then collapsed on the bed to stare at the ceiling. With so many things going on, he hadn't had the time to just be alone with his thoughts and meditate. He had been worried about Harry, Draco and Remus. Now that James knew they were all under the same roof as he was, he could put his mind at ease for a few minutes or at least try to, because he still had one more person to worry about, and that person was Lucius.

They hadn't talked since they had arrived. Lucius' mind had been totally focused on Draco, which was completely understandable. Narcissa was also in the castle, so chances were that they were together discussing what would be best for Draco. James understood that with the chaos around, he wasn't Lucius' priority. It disturbed him to realise that he quite liked being the centre of Lucius' life.

James sighed. His love for Lucius was selfish. But now that he was finally free from all of his prejudices and fears, he wanted to keep Lucius close to him. Even though Lucius hadn't explained his actions in Little Whinging, James didn't believe him to be a traitor. Lucius was surely just pretending. If he hadn't been, he wouldn't have helped James escape.

James embraced the pillow and breathed in deeply. Lucius' scent still lingered. He smiled softly. His body reacted instantly and he moaned in yearning. Their lives were in danger, Voldemort was stronger than ever, and there he was, thinking of being ravished by Lucius. It was only love, he thought with a goofy smile. He was finally allowing himself to be crazily in love with somebody.

He heard the door open and he sat up straight. Lucius barely took notice of him as he made his way into the room and sank down on the big armchair by the window. Lucius looked exhausted. James figured that his conversation with Draco hadn't gone exactly what Lucius expected.

"Luc?" he called softly. Lucius looked up, but didn't say anything. "How's Draco?"

Lucius waved his hand in annoyance. "He's everything I imagined him to be. Everything I dreamed of before. He's defensive, cold, cynical... He couldn't believe a word I was saying. You know... A typical Malfoy. The funniest thing is that I didn't feel proud of him. It just made me..."

"Sad?" James suggested.

Lucius was about to deny it, but then he sighed and nodded his head slowly. "I suppose everybody is saying behind my back that I got what I deserved. I always pushed the kid to his limits. It is my fault. Narcissa didn't have to keep nagging me about it."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

Lucius shrugged. "Well, at least I know that deep down Draco is still the same. He might pose as a self-confident badass, but I know better. I caught a glimpse of his true feelings in his eyes. If only we could find a way to break the control of the potion... Everybody keeps telling us to have patience, but it's really hard," Lucius confessed dejectedly. "I'm starting to feel as restless as your son, Potter." Lucius kept quiet for a minute, lost in his thoughts, and then he sneered. "Well, I suppose it's only fair. It's also pretty ironic. I finally get what love is all about, but I lose everything in the process. I lost my house, my dignity, my son... I wonder if it's worth it..."

James rose from the bed and walked towards Lucius' armchair. "You don't really mean it."

Lucius looked up with a frown. "Don't I?"

James crossed his arms, upset. "Are you saying that the whole act in Little Whinging was for real? Do you want to go back to Voldemort and be his slave for eternity?"

Lucius tensed. "Of course not! You can't honestly believe that I would actually join Voldemort again! Do you think it was easy for me to keep my cool in front of you? I almost lost it when Dolohov's men put their hands on you!"

"You did a pretty good job hiding it," James pointed out coldly.

"That's what I do, Potter. I pretend. I'm very good at it. I told you already. You shouldn't be so surprised."

"Are you pretending to love me too?" James asked against his better judgement. He sounded so pathetic. Lucius stared at him incredulously and James sighed. "Never mind... I'm supposed you're right. I shouldn't make a fuss about what happened. I mean, you were only trying to find out about Draco, weren't you?" Lucius nodded his head and James could clearly see that he was being honest.

Lucius couldn't blame James for doubting him. His behaviour was erratic sometimes. Only with James was he able to lower his defences. It was because of that love that Lucius was finally opening up to his son. The old Lucius Malfoy was still there, but James had helped him bring his good side to the surface.

The Little Whinging incident had made Lucius realise that he was tired of dealing with Death Eaters. He was sick of pretending to be something he wasn't. He did a pretty good job at hiding himself behind a cold mask, but he didn't want that kind of life anymore. He had gotten in touch with his softer side. It would be hard to go back to what he used to be. He wanted to break free from his father's oppression that still haunted him even after his death. He wanted to be free to love James and his son in peace. And it really surprised him that he wanted those things back instead of his fortune and influence.

"It would be a lot easier if I didn't love you," Lucius grunted in distress. It was so hard to play the good guy instead of the bad one. There was much more at stake. He stared at James and one look at his lover's handsome face made his fears go away. "But I do love you."

James felt his heart leaping, and he didn't hold back a smile. "Do you really mean it?"

"Oh, stop being such a sissy, Potter. You know I mean it. I'm stressed. I just talked to Draco, and then Narcissa nagged the hell out of me for being such a lousy father - as if she was a better mother! We always go back to the same old arguing... It really pisses me off. And who do I turn to after such stressful events? You! I came back to you, hoping that you'd get a clue and comfort me like a good lover," Lucius complained.

James hid a smile. "You didn't look like you wanted me to comfort you."

"I'm not very good at expression my feelings..." Lucius mumbled, upset.

"I'll comfort you, but only after you explain to me exactly what you were doing with Dolohov. Since when have you been in touch with him?"

Lucius sighed. "I only met him that night. But I've been meeting other Death Eaters ever since Draco was taken away. I had Dumbledore's approval if you must know. I needed to know what was happening to my son. I also wanted Voldemort to think I was on his side again. I was prepared to go to him if he had called me." James paled and Lucius quickly added, "But I won't do that now. Draco isn't with him anymore. It's important that you understand what kind of man I am, James. I'd have joined Voldemort again if it was for my son's sake."

"And I admire you for that. I'd have done the same thing for Harry," James stated.

Lucius made a face. "But you stopped me the first time I tried to go after Draco."

James shrugged. "Well, Luc, that's the kind of man I am. I always try to protect my loved ones." James walked towards Lucius slowly and then knelt down in front of him. "Do you still want me to comfort you?"

Lucius stared at him intently. "Yes. I just have to say something else first. If I have to act coldly again, I will. So try not to get in my way next time."

James nodded. "Actually, you look kind of sexy when you act like that."

Lucius smirked. "Don't tell me you were turned on. I should have known you would like to be fucked in front of other people. You know, I did think I felt something hard pressing against me."

James made a face. "Don't talk nonsense! I do admit, though, that your bad boy side is quite... appealing. I don't know why. I think it's your eyes."

Lucius' pupils dilated with desire. His intense look made James shiver. "Oh, really?" Lucius pushed James closer and their lips almost touched. But before Lucius could kiss him, James put a finger on his lips and said, "My wand first. Where is it? You haven't given it back to me."

Lucius rolled his eyes. "We're about to kiss and all you can think about is your wand? Honestly, Potter, where has the romance gone?" Lucius took James' wand out of his pocket and handed it to him.

James caught his wand and stared at Lucius with a naughty look. "You know, I should punish you for your bad behaviour."

Lucius almost choked. "What? You can't be serious!"

With a flick of his wand, James made Lucius' clothes disappear, leaving him with only his underwear. Lucius stared at him outraged and then tried to take the wand away from James. They ended up falling on the bed with their lips all over each other. James sat on top of Lucius and muttered a binding spell. Lucius' hands were bound to the bedposts.

"I don't like this, Potter," Lucius declared with a husky voice that said otherwise.

"You had me under Imperio once. Actually, twice," James reminded him.

"That's so not true! I took away the curse before we had sex!"

"It doesn't matter. It's pay back time now. You're under my command."

Lucius frowned. "Weren't you supposed to be comforting me?"

"I am!"

Lucius looked at his tightened hands and smirked. "Like this?"

James smiled. He began to nip Lucius' lips and then kiss him passionately. Lucius let himself be ravished. That other side of James excited him. James played with his body until he couldn't take it anymore. He moaned in delight as James' mouth engulfed him and brought him close to climax. When James finally released his hands, Lucius lay on top of him and placed himself between James' thighs, thrusting deeply inside of him. They began a journey that sent them to the stars.

"No matter what, I trust you," James whispered in Lucius' ear. "I love you."

Those words set Lucius on fire and he came immediately after that, whispering Jimmy's name over and over. After their breaths were back to normal, they both looked at each other embarrassedly, and then they smiled.

"That was certainly a surprise. I knew you had a kinky side, Potter. I bet you were really turned on when you thought you were under Imperius," Lucius said playfully.

James flushed. "Don't be stupid."

"You were quite inspired," Lucius kept provoking him.

"I was just horny..." James said, hiding his face on Lucius' shoulder.

"It's the danger, isn't it? It turns you on," Lucius pointed out with a smirk.

"Shut up!"

Lucius made James stare at him and when their eyes were locked, he said with a serious expression, "I won't betray you. I... love you too, James. Thanks for not judging me before I could explain myself."

"I knew you had your reasons for acting the way you did, Lucius. I confess I was fooled for a moment or two, but I know the real you now. And I love you very much."

They kissed and then cuddled while they waited for their heart beats to return to normal. Lucius held James in his arms and smiled freely when he was sure James wasn't looking. To have James by his side was a miracle. He would hold on to that as much as he could. Thanks to James he had allowed himself to relax a little, but Draco still worried him. He kept wondering if any of them would ever be able to live a normal life.

Outside, there was the prediction of a snowstorm.