Take me Home

Chap. 17 - PREPARATIONS

Around noon, James and Harry returned to the castle and found McGonagall very distressed. Harry feared the worst, when she calmed him down and told him that her anxiety had nothing to do with Voldemort.

"What is it, then?" James asked, worried.

"It's Erin. She's in labour," McGonagall said. "And I'm afraid there are complications."

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Severus paced back and forth as he waited outside of Erin's bedroom. Madam Pomfrey had kicked him out of the room because he was being inconvenient. Severus snorted soundly. He had the right to watch his wife's labour. And since he was the one who made her the relaxing potion and every potion after that, he had all the right to give advice to Pomfrey. Pomfrey was right about some things, he admitted. His relaxing potion wasn't helping much. But who expected him to work well under pressure? His baby was about to be born.

Erin was having complications. She was also cursing at him aloud in the labour room. He made a face. So now it was his fault. He should have known. If only he hadn't fallen under Erin's spell. He wouldn't be facing a situation like this. Waiting patiently was something he had learned over the years, especially as a spy, but this time the waiting was killing him. He wanted to make sure Erin was doing ok.

A few moments ago, McGonagall had entered to aid Pomfrey, and even Dumbledore had offered his help. The only one left out was Severus. And now he had company in the waiting room: Harry, James and the worst company imaginable in this situation, Lucius Malfoy. Surprisingly though, Lucius was rather quiet. It was James' presence that was getting on his nerves.

"Luc? Are you spacing out? Are you ok?" James asked quietly.

Lucius blushed slightly at the mention of the tender nickname. He had told James many times not to call him that in front of people. He saw Severus smirking and he showed him the middle finger. Then he sighed. James would never learn. "I was thinking about Draco... Narcissa had so many complications during her birth. At one point, the medi-witch actually asked me if I wanted her to save my wife or my son."

"How terrible! How could she ask something like that?" James asked.

"Indeed. I was horrified, too." Lucius said, looking away to avoid Severus' sneer. Lucius couldn't tell James that it hadn't been such a tough decision to make. He had chosen Draco, of course. Draco was his heir, and even though he didn't wish the death of his wife, he didn't love her either. Severus knew about that because he had been with him at the time. "She was very insensitive."

Lucius heard Severus snort and he felt like kicking him.

"Harry's birth went very well," James said, ruffling Harry's hair. "Lily didn't feel a thing, and four hours later there he was, with his big green eyes staring at us. You were so cute, Harry. Your mother and I spent hours next to your cradle."

Harry smiled. He didn't know anything about that time. He wanted to hear more about it and about his mother. But Severus snorted again, and Harry had the feeling that he wasn't as excited as Harry was to hear about his parents' life, especially Lily, who he had loved so much.

"I'm sure Erin and the baby will be fine," Harry said gently.

Severus stopped walking and crossed his arms. "Is that so?" he asked with a sneer. Harry felt like bashing him. He was just trying to be nice.

"Yes. I mean, Narcissa had complications, too, right? But in the end, everything was fine," Harry said, trying to stay calm. He hated the look of disdain on Severus' face. He'd expected things to be different between them after spending the night together in the hut and opening their hearts to each other. But Severus was the same old bastard as usual. "Look," he said clenching his fists. "It doesn't hurt to hope, does it? I'm sure Erin will be fine. I mean, she has Madam Pomfrey, Dumbledore and McGonagall in the room with her."

"Why am I not surprised that Dumbledore also delivers babies? He can do pretty much everything," Lucius sneered, talking to himself. "I wonder if he can fly on his own, too..."

"You lot are always telling me to hope," Harry said, ignoring Lucius. "You said it yourself that night that..." Severus shot Harry a warning look, and Harry covered his mouth with his hand, but the damage was done. He knew he had said something stupid, especially when his father asked suspiciously, "What night?"

"Just this night... I was just wandering at night and Professor Snape..."

"You were wandering alone at night?" James fumed. "Didn't I tell you to stay inside your chambers?"

"It was just this one time and..." Harry tried to explain.

"Where did you meet him, Snape?" James asked, ignoring Harry.

"What does it matter?" Severus questioned defensively.

"Why, Severus, I didn't know you were sexually harassing your students," Lucius smirked. "I hope you didn't try anything with Draco."

Lucius knew Severus had no inclinations of that kind because he had already tried to take Severus into his bed. But nobody needed to know that. Besides, it was always fun to play with Severus.

"Just shut up, Lucius," Severus ordered angrily. He didn't have time for this stupid discussion.

"I want to know," James demanded.

"I don't think so," Severus smirked.

"Dad, please... He wasn't..." James sent Harry a cross look and Harry closed his mouth.

James stood next to Severus and glared at him aggressively. "You better start talking."

"What do you want me to say? That your son and I spent the night in Hagrid's hut because of his stupidity?"

James and Lucius opened his eyes wide. Harry hid his face behind his hands.

"Did you really sleep together?" Lucius asked, staring at Harry.

Harry glared at him behind his fingers. "It wasn't like that! We just talked!"

"Oh, how bloody romantic!" Lucius didn't seem to find the situation so amusing anymore. He looked rather upset. Harry wondered what that was all about. "Severus, aren't you ashamed? He's just a kid!"

"I'll kill you!" shouted James before going for Severus' throat.

Severus ducked and Lucius and Harry tried to hold James.

"It wasn't like that!" Severus shouted, upset. "Your son was stupid enough to try to go after Draco, and I just happened to be passing by at the time! We were stuck in Hagrid's hut because of the snowstorm. I didn't touch your son! I was actually looking after him, something that you should be doing! But instead, you were screwing Malfoy!"

"Don't talk to me like that!" James exclaimed, his face reddened from anger.

"I was doing your job, Potter, like I've been doing ever since Harry came to this school, and even before that! I even told Dumbledore to get him out of that horrible muggle house. Dumbledore seemed to think that it was better for him to stay there, and after a while, so did I."

Harry was shocked by the revelation. Severus had been watching over him since he was just a baby. He didn't know whether he should be grateful or enraged.

"I'm trying to be a good father! In case you haven't noticed, I didn't even know I had a son until recently."

"You can use that as an excuse, but the fact remains that so far you've been doing a lousy job of taking care of him," Severus accused. "You're more worried about your affair with Lucius than about your son! Harry could have died of hypothermia if I hadn't caught him in time."

James looked down. Severus' words had stung his heart deeply. Severus was right. He was a lousy father. He should be taking better care of Harry instead of worrying about his relationship with Lucius.

"Now, Severus, you're crossing the line," Lucius said. "James has been trying his best."

"No, he's right," James said sadly.

"No, he isn't," said Harry. "I'm the one who keeps pushing you away when you want to get closer."

"Harry..." James whispered emotionally.

"Tell him you apologise, Severus," said Lucius.

Severus frowned. "What the hell is wrong with you, Lucius? Now you're suddenly James Potter's whore?"

"Don't talk to him like that!" James shouted before Lucius could curse Severus. "I know you don't like me, but keep Lucius and Harry out of this. My relationship with Lucius is none of your concern! We're lovers, yes, and we respect each other."

"I don't give a damn about your relationship with Lucius! I'm just telling you that you've been neglecting your son in order to be with your respectful lover. The kid can't even talk to you. Lucky for you I was there for him that night, because Merlin knows what he might have done!"

James clenched his fists. He wanted to break Severus' face very badly. What he said next cost him a lot, "I'm thankful for your help, and for all the occasions you helped Harry in the past. But don't forget that you are not his father. I am. So you can just back off, because I'll take care of Harry from now on."

James' words were like a punch to Severus' face. Severus kept his head up, but he was hurt. James had helped him realise something he had tried to deny all these years. Severus did want to be Harry's father, and in a way, he considered himself as such.

Harry didn't know what to say. It wasn't as if he had ever considered Severus a father figure. Had he? Maybe he had. Perhaps he had wanted Snape as his father. And he did think that James spent too much time with Lucius. But he couldn't help but love them both. Both men were trying their best to take care of him. Both had many ghosts to confront. He wanted them to get along.

"Dad... Professor..." Harry said, and James, Severus and Lucius stared at him in expectation. "I... I like you b..."

The door of Erin's bedroom was suddenly opened, and Dumbledore came out with a grin. "Congratulations, my friend! It's a wonderful boy, and he and Erin are both fine. You can see them now."

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Severus tiptoed inside the room unsure of what to do. The situation was completely new to him. He didn't know how he should behave. The anger and frustration he had felt before were now totally gone. All that was left in his heart was relief and unconditional love with a little bit of uncertainty about his future as a father.

He had been terrified of losing Erin. He couldn't imagine his world without her anymore. She had annoyed him and tested his patience like no other woman. She had challenged him both physically and mentally. She had made her way into the ice wall he had built around his heart and now he couldn't let go of her. He had given his heart to her, and now she had the responsibility to be with him and love him for the rest of their lives.

But even though Erin had broken so many of his emotional barriers, it was still hard to just relax. He had opened an exception to Erin, but he didn't know if he could do the same for the baby she was holding. Erin looked so exhausted, but she still smiled and winked at him. He thought he had never seen her looking so beautiful even with bags under her eyes and her short hair all dishevelled. And all of that drama because of the little fellow that was in her arms.

"We won't bite, you know?" Erin said in a whisper. "Come and meet little Harold."

Severus wrinkled his nose. "Harold? Not in a million years, Erin."

Her clean giggle melted his heart and his hardened expression softened a little. "I thought I could give it a try. But ok. No Harold, then. What do you want to call him?"

Severus finally came closer to her bed and stared at the little person in her arms. His breath got caught in his throat. His son was so small and fragile. He looked as if he might break if Severus touched him. Everything about their child was so tiny. He had tiny hands, fingers, eyes, mouth, ears. But that was obvious, he thought with a grimace. It was a baby, after all. He quickly searched for something that resembled him in his son' features, but didn't find any similarities except for the black eyes. He breathed in relief. His baby's nose looked just like Erin's. It was just as small as the rest of him. His son wouldn't have to put up with stupid jokes about his big nose like Severus had to.

"He doesn't look like a Harold," he said, still afraid of touching his son.

"How about Matthew?"

Severus frowned. He wasn't sure about Matthew either. The truth was that he did like Harold. But then, everybody would call his son Harry. He didn't want comparisons with the Boy-Who-Lived, or worse, someone talking behind his back that he had chosen Harry for his son's name because of Harry Potter.

"I like Theo," he said after pondering for a while.

"Just Theo?"

"Yes, just Theo. I think he looks like a Theo," he said defensively.

She smiled at him and then at their son. "Ok. Hi, little Theo! Say hi to daddy!" Erin gently caught Theo's hand and waved it to Severus. Severus pressed his lips together and wrinkled his forehead. He was feeling very emotional, but he didn't want to show her how much. He was trying very hard to contain his emotions. "Do you want to hold him?" she asked. His last remains of self-control were all gone when she handed their son to him. "Hold him, Severus; don't just catch him as if he's a bomb! Don't be afraid. He's a baby. He won't do anything to harm you."

He wasn't so sure about that. That kid would give him a lot of headaches, he was sure of it. Kids were trouble. Just look at Harry and how he had turned out. Severus wouldn't have a moment's rest now that Theo was born. Not that he had peace and quiet before Theo... He had to watch out for his son now. The little kid was so small, so fragile. Of course he would need a guardian, someone to tell him what was right and wrong, to educate him. And the right man for the job was Severus. Erin was too light-headed. She would probably spoil little Theo like she spoiled her students.

He held Theo awkwardly. He was afraid of holding him closer. It was pathetic. He, who had faced Death Eaters and Voldemort himself, was terrified of a newborn. It suddenly struck him that he was now a father. He was responsible for the one in his arms. He had never thought about having kids. He hated children. He was bitter and cold. His son would hate him as soon as he started to talk and think for himself. And Erin had the courage to tell him that Theo wasn't dangerous!

Theo sensed his anxiety and he opened his black eyes - that looked so much like Severus' -to look straight at Severus. Severus felt his heartbeat stop. Theo looked like he was about to cry. Severus thought about handing him back to Erin, but instead he pulled him closer. And his heart immediately filled up with joy. He'd never felt so protective and possessive about someone in his life. Little Theo made a funny face, yawned and leaned his head against Severus' chest, falling asleep immediately to the beat of Severus' heart. Severus felt a twitch in his mouth and the next thing he knew he was grinning.

"Aw! You two look so cute together!" Erin said, trying hard to keep her voice down. "This occasion calls for a picture!"

Severus almost went blind at the sudden light that flashed in his face. He blinked a few times and then glared moodily at James, who was holding a camera in his hands. Harry and Lucius were also there. Harry congratulated Erin while Lucius just watched them from afar. Severus called them all intruders and wondered when they had sneaked in, but then he stared at Theo and forgot about everything else.

"His name is Theo," Erin told Harry and James.

Lucius and Severus exchanged a look, and Severus silently told him to keep his mouth shut. The name Theo was familiar to Lucius. Theo had been Severus' grandfather on his mother's side. Severus used to be sent to his grandfather's house when his father was too violent. There he had had the time of his life. But Theo had died when Severus was in his second year at Hogwarts, leaving him alone to bear his father's harshness. Severus had resented him at first, but then he had realised how stupid he was behaving and he had promised himself that if he ever had a son, it would be named after his grandfather.

"It's a beautiful name," Harry said coming closer to Severus to look at Theo. "He's so cute. And he doesn't look like you, Sir."

Severus scowled at Harry, who stuck his tongue out at him. Severus made a face. That was what he got for being nice to Harry. The brat thought they were friends now. Severus made a mental note to take points from Gryffindor for Harry's cheekiness.

"He really is cute," James said, joining Harry's side.

"I bet you're thanking heavens that he doesn't look like you, Severus," mocked Lucius.

"Just shut up," Severus grunted. His hardened expression instantly softened when his eyes went back to his son. He handed the baby back to Erin when he saw Dumbledore discretely calling him from the door.

James and Lucius followed him outside. One look at Dumbledore's face and Severus knew that something was terribly wrong. Dumbledore guided them to an empty room inside the Hospital Wing, far away from Erin's room, and cast an Imperturbable Charm on the door. He wanted to make sure that Harry wouldn't listen to their conversation.

"What?" Lucius asked ahead of Severus.

"I'm afraid there are complications... I've just received some dreadful news from the Black Fortress. We must gather the Order's members at once and prepare ourselves for battle. We don't know if the news is true or false, but we better be ready. Voldemort will send Death Eaters to a muggle neighbourhood tonight."

"That can't be!" James exclaimed. "He never attacked a muggle neighbourhood so openly. And on Christmas! He's insane!"

"Tell us something new about Voldemort, Potter," Lucius smirked. "We all know he's insane!"

"But he never attacked..."

"Yes, James, but this time he might do it. I'll try to warn the Ministry, but I don't think Fudge will listen to me... That's why I need all of you right now. Gather everyone you can to help us. We must have an army ready by tonight. We won't let Voldemort harm anyone. Lucius, get in contact with those friends of yours from Knockturn Alley and see if there's any truth in the message. James, find Sirius. And Severus... I don't want you in this battle," the Headmaster said carefully but decisively.

"What?" Severus couldn't believe his ears. "Why not?"

"You need to stay here with Erin and your son. And I need you to keep an eye on Harry."

"Headmaster, I won't be left out of this! I..."

"Draco might be there," Dumbledore said worriedly. "In Little Whinging. That's where Voldemort plans to attack. You know what this means, don't you?"

"It's Harry's old neighbourhood," Severus said, thunderstruck.

"It means Voldemort wants to lure Harry there," Lucius said. He looked relatively calm on the outside, but James knew he was worried about Draco. "That crazy bastard! My son is not a toy!"

"But Little Whinging is a safe place for Harry, right? Dumbledore cast spells all over the place to protect him." James pointed out. "Even if Harry goes there, which I would never allow, he can't harm my son..."

"You don't get it James," Lucius cut across him coldly. "Voldemort has Draco. My son is a weapon against yours. It doesn't matter what spells there are around to protect Harry. Your son will go after mine, and you know he will be unprotected. He's in love and he's foolish."

"Lucius is right," Severus said. "Harry is foolish enough to go after Draco and let himself get caught. Besides, Little Whinging isn't as safe as it used to be. Voldemort already broke almost all wards that protected it the first time he tried to catch Harry there. I'll lock Harry here if I have to, but I won't let him out of my sight"

"Thank you, Severus. Please, don't let Harry trick you. Don't let him notice what is going on, even though he will... There won't be a Christmas feast tonight. When he doesn't see James and Sirius, he will know something is wrong. That's why I need you here, Severus." Dumbledore sighed. "We both know Harry is very hard to catch once he is determined to escape. And he will try to escape."

"I won't let him," Severus said firmly.

Severus noticed how bothered James was by the fact that Dumbledore trusted someone like Severus to watch over his son. Severus thanked Dumbledore silently for making James see that he was Harry's true guardian. Then he wondered why he cared in the first place.

"Very well, then. Gentlemen, we must act at once. Good luck to us all..." Dumbledore left the room with quick steps. McGonagall, who had been waiting for him at the front door of the infirmary, went after him.

"Snape..." James began uncertainly. "I don't care what you do. Just keep Harry away from that place."

"Now you trust me," Severus smirked.

"Dumbledore trusts you. That's enough for now. But I swear to god that if you do anything to hurt my son, I will kill you," James threatened.

"I'm not afraid of you. But don't worry. I won't hurt him. Not if he obeys me."

Lucius held James before the raven-haired man could hit Severus. "Severus, this isn't the time to play the Slytherin. Just ease the man's worries, for Merlin's sake. We don't have all day."

Severus snorted and then said, "I would give my life for him. Is that enough, Potter?"

James set himself free from Lucius' grip after assuring his lover that he was calmer.

"Just look after him," James said.

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Lucius was getting ready to go to Knockturn Alley when James entered their room hastily. He seemed relieved to verify that Lucius was still in the castle, which pleased Lucius a lot. It was always unexpected when James showed Lucius how much he cared for him. It made Lucius more certain about their future together. The older Malfoy was always concerned about the day James would realise his mistake in being with him and then he would leave Lucius. It was so unbearable to think about that Lucius still couldn't relax when they were together. It did feel good to be with James, but Lucius still felt the need to hide behind his sneer. He wanted to be away from the hell they were living. If only Voldemort wasn't in their way, then they could take their time to work on their relationship.

It was funny to think about those things. Lucius often thought he was wrong for James. He had committed so many sins and made so many mistakes in his life that he had lost count. Lucius was still trying to figure himself out. He didn't know who he was. Everybody knew Lucius was a coward. He would sell his soul if he had to. But would he sell off James? He was terrified of his evil side.

It was true that being with James brought out the best in him. Lucius wasn't only worried about Draco anymore, but about Harry too. He was even thinking about apologising to his ex-wife for all the bad things he had done to her. But what if that sudden humanity of his had an expiration date?

One look into James' eyes, though, and he knew he would never betray his lover. He was in love after all. He had lost James once. He wouldn't lose him again. It didn't matter if the Dark Lord tempted him with power and fortune. James was his soul mate, his love. Nothing could match that.

James smiled at him feebly and Lucius felt a pang in his heart. He wanted to take James and disappear. The old Lucius would have done just that. But now he was on the right side, and so he had to stay and fight. He had a sinking premonition of what was to come and felt a chill. He knew tonight would be tough. They would have to face not only Death Eaters, but also their inner demons. This was the night Lucius would have to prove once and for all that he was on James' side and against Voldemort. Decisions would have to be made quickly, and he hoped to make the right ones. It would be a night to redeem his soul. He was determined to protect his lover and his son with his life. That was how strong his love was for James and his son.

When James stopped inches away from him, Lucius cupped the brunette's face and kissed him fully on the lips. James responded to him fervently and willingly.

"I love you," Lucius whispered against James' mouth, their noses touching in an Eskimo kiss. James' eyes flickered.

"And I love when you say that, but please don't sound like this is goodbye."

"Anything could happen tonight. Every single Death Eater will go after my head. There are no guarantees of success, so if anything happens to me, please, take care of Draco."

"If you don't come back to me alive, I'll never forgive you!" James hissed, and he kissed Lucius hard on the lips. "I love you, idiot. Don't you dare leave me now."

Lucius gripped James' hands. "It's not up to me, James."

James sighed. "I know. Just watch out. You were always sneaky. Keep being that way."

"You too. Be careful, James. I... I couldn't bear to be without you anymore."

James was touched by Lucius' words. He knew how hard it was for Lucius to say them.

"Everything will be fine," James assured, even though he wasn't sure at all. He held Lucius tightly. He didn't want to let go of him ever again. After everything they had been through to be together, it would be unfair if one of them were taken away. James didn't want to think about it. It hurt too much. "Just be safe."

Lucius nodded, burying his face in James's thick hair. He prayed silently for the best. He'd protect James and Draco even if it cost his life.

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Something was terribly wrong. Harry could feel the tension in the air. People were acting strange, as if they were trying very hard to hide something from him. James had given him such a tight hug Harry thought he heard his bones snapping. Snape was quieter than usual. The only one acting normally was Lucius, but then again he was a Malfoy. Lucius was a master at disguising his true feelings.

When the clock said eight o'clock and no one called him to take part in the Christmas feast, Harry left his room and tried to reach the Great Hall, but Snape got in his way. They stared at each other for a moment. Perhaps it was only an impression, but Harry sensed that Snape was blocking his way.

"What's going on?" Harry asked with distrust.

"Nothing," Severus answered indifferently.

"Can I pass?"

"Why?"

Harry arched an eyebrow. "I'm hungry. Isn't it time for the Christmas feast?"

"There won't be a feast today," Severus informed, and before Harry could ask why, he said, "The Headmaster is busy at the moment. You know how it is for him now. There are too many decisions to be made concerning the Order. He decided to do the feast tomorrow."

Harry opened his eyes widely at the mention of the Order. "What happened?"

"It's none of your concern, Potter. Don't be insolent. Just go back to your room. We'll talk tomorrow." Severus turned to leave but Harry followed him.

"Wait a minute! What do you mean? I'm hungry! I understand that we can't have a feast without Dumbledore, but my father and many other teachers are still in the castle. We have to eat, right?"

"You'll eat, Potter. The house-elves will bring a tray to your room. Just go back and wait."

"Ok, then," Harry said, upset. "I'll go back to my room."

Harry sounded strangely obedient. Severus didn't like that at all. The Potions Master waited for Harry to disappear around a corner before following him. He knew Harry was up to something. He wasn't wrong. Harry didn't go back to his room. He stopped in front of James' room and knocked on his door. Severus groaned.

"Didn't I tell you to go to your room?" Severus asked, making Harry jump.

"Jesus! What are you doing here? Were you following me?" Harry accused.

Severus frowned. "Watch your language, Potter. I don't need to give you my reasons."

Harry bit his lower lip. He ignored Severus and knocked on James' door again. "Dad? Are you there?"

"He's not there, Potter," Severus said quietly.

Harry looked at him and Severus could tell that his level of suspicion had increased.

"Where is he?" Harry asked.

"He's with Dumbledore."

"What about Malfoy?"

"Lucius also has business to attend to."

"On Christmas Eve?"

Severus just shrugged. Harry's mind was working furiously. There was something going on.

"And Sirius? He's here, right? He told me he wouldn't miss spending Christmas with me. It will be his first Christmas as a free man."

"Black is with Narcissa. He'll see you when he's done."

"Done? Doing what?"

Severus cursed his big mouth. "Look, Potter, enough with the inquiries! Just go back to your room! It's an order."

"Not until you tell me what's going on," Harry said with his heart pounding madly in his chest. He was definitely worried now. His father and Sirius weren't there. That could only mean one thing. Voldemort was up to something and the Order had been called to discuss the matter.

"Nothing's going on, Potter."

"That's a lie! My father was supposed to be here and so was Sirius! They wouldn't leave without telling me, unless they had something to hide. If you don't tell me what it is, I'll find out for myself!" And before Severus could catch him, Harry ran away from him and darted to the stairs.

Severus cursed him. He took his wand out of his pocket as he darted after Harry, aiming at the Gryffindor boy, but he was afraid of shooting. He didn't want to hurt the boy. Harry could fall down the stairs and get seriously wounded. The only weapon he could use against Harry was blackmail.

"Potter! If you don't stop right now I will take fifty points from Gryffindor!" he shouted.

Harry ignored him. Severus quickened his pace, but he wasn't a match for Harry's speed. It was only when they reached the stairs to the Great Hall that Harry stopped. Short of breath, Severus stopped next to him and gripped his arms. Harry didn't look like he was going any further though. The boy seemed paralysed and shocked by what he saw downstairs.

There were many witches and wizards gathered there, mumbling to each other. They constantly checked their wands and robes as if they were afraid of forgetting something. It took only one look to realise that they were preparing for battle and they were afraid. Some wizards had a horrified expression on their faces. Harry's eyes scanned the room in search of his father and Sirius, and he was shocked to find Mrs. Weasley, Bill, and Charlie among them.

"What..." Harry whispered. His body was shaking with anxiety.

"Are you happy now, Potter? You've seen too much already. Let's go," Severus grunted, trying to pull Harry away from there.

Harry refused to move. Now that he had seen the uproar he wouldn't leave. "It's Voldemort, isn't it? He's up to something! On Christmas Eve! Tell me the truth, because at this point it's impossible to lie! Don't tell me this is just a regular meeting, because I won't believe you."

Severus wanted to teach Harry some good manners, but Harry was right about a few things. It really was impossible to lie to him at that point. "You already know what's going on. It's a war, Potter. Voldemort will make his move. We'll have to counterattack. You shouldn't be here..."

"Of course I should be here! Voldemort wants me, right?"

"Don't be stupid, Potter. He does want you, but his goal surpasses you."

"Then why didn't you want to tell me? Why was everybody trying so hard to hide this from me?" Harry asked grimly.

"A war is not a place for a kid."

"I'm not a kid! I saw Cedric die! I know how merciless Voldemort can be. I've been hit by an Unforgivable Curse! Don't treat me like I'm a stupid brat, because I am not."

Severus pressed his lips together, annoyed. "You know, we are trying to protect you. No one would allow you to fight this battle. So don't make things more difficult than they already are. These men have too much to worry about. If you really consider yourself an adult, then behave like one and go back to your room."

"Not until you tell me exactly what's going on."

Severus lost his patience. "I already told you! Voldemort is going to strike."

"Where?"

"That doesn't matter."

"WHERE?" Harry shouted.

And before Severus could shout back, the Hall went silent and almost everyone turned their eyes on Harry and Severus.

"Harry! What are you doing here?"

Harry followed that voice and his eyes met his father's. James looked terribly pale at seeing him there.

"Dad!" Harry wanted to say many things to James, but his voice seemed to be stuck in his throat. He wanted to ask to come along, to be near his father. Suddenly the meaning of that battle struck him hard. They were at war. It wasn't just something far away anymore. This wasn't just a regular Order of the Phoenix meeting. It was for real. The war had finally caught them, and it was horrible. Harry could sense fear in the air. He could see how shaken those witches and wizards were. Some of them might not come back after tonight's battle. For that reason, he wanted his father to stay. Harry had just met James. He couldn't bear to lose him. They had barely said goodbye to each other. "Dad..."

Harry's feet finally regained the strength to move, but Severus' firm grip on his arms stopped him from going any further. Harry tried to get free, but it was in vain.

"Let go of me! Dad!"

"Snape!" James shouted, climbing the stairs furiously. "You were supposed to be watching him! He shouldn't be here!" The uproar started again. James ignored the murmuring around him. "Just take him away."

"What?" Harry couldn't believe what he was hearing. "I have a right to be here!"

"No, you don't, Harry. This isn't the place for you," James said, upset.

"But... I want to go with you."

James' expression softened. He came closer to Harry and stroked his face. "I know. But not today. You aren't ready for something like this."

"And you are? You're still getting better! You shouldn't go!"

"I have to."

"But..."

"Please, Harry." James hugged Harry tightly. "Don't make this harder on me. Please."

Harry wanted to shout at James, to hit him, but instead he just enlaced James' neck and rested his head on James' shoulder. "I don't want to lose you," he muttered against James' ear. James smiled feebly as he stroked Harry's hair.

"Hey, kiddo, don't be so pessimistic. Who says you're going to lose me, huh?" James cupped Harry's face and touched their foreheads together. "Just promise me you will stay here. No matter what, you will stay, Harry."

Harry didn't want to promise something like that. It would be very difficult to keep that promise. Harry had thought about going back to his room only to find a way to escape. He couldn't be left behind in such an important battle. But then again, he wouldn't be useful. He would just be a nuisance. And James would be too concerned about him to worry about anything else. Harry didn't want to put his father in danger.

"Ok, I promise. I'll stay."

James smiled and kissed Harry's forehead. "I'll be back."

Harry watched his father joining Sirius at the bottom of the stairs and then mingling with the rest of the crowd. Sirius winked at him before following James. Harry felt a pang in his heart. Dumbledore appeared out of nowhere at Harry's side and once again the Hall went deeply silent.

"My dear friends, the time we all feared has come again. Voldemort," At the mention of the Dark Lord's name, most winced. Dumbledore kept going, "Yes, my friends, Voldemort is back, and he will strike tonight, as you all know by now. He will attack an innocent muggle neighbourhood and rumours are that he will take prisoners to his infamous Concentration Camp. We can't let that happen, under any circumstances. A very strong spell will be cast upon that neighbourhood in order to prevent muggles from noticing our presence. It won't be easy, so I ask you to avoid hitting anything muggle. We are going to protect them. If any of you have something against muggles, then I ask you to stay behind." Dumbledore shot a piercing look over the crowd.

Harry, who had been under that look before, knew just how intimidating it could be. Most of the time Dumbledore looked and acted like a loving grandfather to everyone, but there were times one was reminded that Dumbledore was not just the Headmaster of one of the most prominent wizards' schools in the whole world, but also the most powerful wizard alive.

"I don't like this any more than you do," Dumbledore said. "I'm a peaceful man. But there are times that a man has to do what he must. This is one of those times. The Dark Lord knows no mercy just remember that. His Death Eaters are as heartless as he is. But also remember that they are humans just like us. Some of them are there not because they want to be, but because Voldemort blackmailed them, or put them under Imperius. Avoid useless bloodshed as much as you can. Don't let Voldemort trick you. Trust the partner beside you. Voldemort's favourite weapon is distrust. He will use it against you and your friend. Believe and trust yourselves. Don't be afraid. Together, we can beat him."

Hagrid appeared beside the Headmaster and whispered something in his ears. Dumbledore nodded at whatever Hagrid was saying, and then he turned to the crowd again. "It is time. Let the strength of Merlin and all of our ancestors be with you tonight."

Some cheered, others stayed as quiet as they were through the entire speech. Severus didn't like the apprehension he felt in the air.

"A little apprehension is good, my dear Severus," said Dumbledore.

"It doesn't seem like just a little," pointed out Severus looking at some of the wizards downstairs.

"Well, they have yet to hear my best speech!" Dumbledore said with a smile. "This was just an introduction." He winked at Severus and Harry, and then descended the stairs. "Harry, I know you. Just watch out."

Severus and Harry frowned at that. Severus shot a distrustful look at Harry, who blushed.

"If you try anything stupid, Potter, I'll personally write your letter of expulsion. Don't think I won't," Severus hissed.

Harry ignored Severus and turned around to shake Hagrid's big hand. "Good luck, Hagrid."

"Thanks, Harry. But with Dumbledore on our side, we're goin' to win."

Hagrid patted Harry's back fondly, almost knocking him off his feet, and then the half-giant followed Dumbledore. Severus noticed how sad and worried Harry looked, and he pitied the child. He reached his hand down to squeeze Harry's shoulder, but he retrieved it in time. If he did that, Harry would never respect him again.

"Come on, Potter. Let's go."

"I want to see them leaving," Harry said without taking his eyes off of his father.

"Trust me, you don't."

Harry looked at Severus and realised the Potions master was serious about it. He wondered what kind of experiences Severus had in his life, and what had built his difficult character. The night they had spent in Hagrid's hut came back to him. Harry felt the same curiosity of that night. He wanted to know Severus better. And he was surprised to realise that maybe, just maybe, he was developing a crush on his grumpy Potions master. He was horrified at the thought. He shook his head in order to erase those things from his mind and then looked at his father again. They were leaving already. James and Sirius waved at him one last time before disappearing outside the castle.

And then he understood the reason why Severus didn't want him to watch them leave. It seemed so final, so sad. He wanted to run after them, but he had promised his father he would stay in the castle. Even if Dumbledore thought differently, this time Harry would obey James. He sighed deeply, his heart thumping in his ears, a rush of adrenaline running through his bloodstream. He told himself to calm down. He wouldn't go anywhere tonight. He couldn't. No matter how much he felt like breaking his promise to James, he would behave this time.

"Do you want something to eat?" Severus asked strangely kind.

Harry shook his head. "I'm not hungry anymore."

"You have to eat something, Potter. Come on." Severus placed a hand on Harry's shoulder.

Harry looked up, surprised. "You want to have dinner with me?"

Severus wrinkled his nose. "I do. Don't think too much about it. Just say yes or no, and then we can go to the Hospital Wing to have dinner with Erin."

In spite of all his worries and afflictions, Harry smiled. "All right."

As he walked beside Severus to the Hospital Wing, he wondered how long it would take before his wild spirit rebelled against his promise.

------------------------------

Alex had gotten worse. His entire body was on fire, and he kept muttering unintelligible words. Remus knew Alex had a fever and that he was delirious. He knew Alex had to rest and take his healing potions. But now was not the time. Now was time for them to leave that horrible place. Remus only prayed for them to make it out alive.

Leading their way out was Blaise Zabini, a Slytherin boy that had taken Remus by surprise. Remus had never thought that Blaise was so brave and loyal. Remus had come to Blaise for help not really expecting any, but the boy had exceeded his expectations. Blaise had not only pointed out a secret passage that was rarely used and known by other Death Eaters and that would take them out of the Black Fortress in relative safety, but he had also offered Remus to be their guide along the way. So now they were walking through a long and dark corridor underground with only their wands to light the way. Remus was tired from carrying Alex, but he was hanging on the best he could.

Alex had tried to dissuade Remus from taking him along, but nothing he said had convinced Remus to leave Alex and run away alone. And because Alex had seen such determination and love in Remus' eyes, he had let himself be carried away by Remus' crazy idea. Alex didn't cry under any circumstances - he had learned to keep his emotions to himself when living with his father - but as he realised that Remus could actually love him, he had felt like crying. There was nothing he wanted more than Remus' love, and now it was too late. Alex knew he didn't have much time left to live.

"Remus..." Alex whispered. The mere effort of lifting his eyelashes hurt, but he tried anyway. He wanted to look at Remus and thank him for caring about him, for loving him in the end.

"Alex!" Remus stopped walking to look at Alex. "What's wrong?"

"Hey, we can't stop! We have to keep going!" Blaise said hastily.

Alex shook his head and asked to sit down and rest for a few seconds.

"This is a very bad idea," Blaise muttered, looking behind them to see if they were being followed.

"Alex is sick, Blaise. He needs to rest," Remus explained patiently.

"The boy is right, Remus. It is a bad idea to stop here. You should go and leave me."

Remus shook his head. "We already had this conversation, Alex. I won't leave you."

"But Remus... I'm dying. I'll only slow you down. Just leave me and go. Save yourself. I will die anyway, so I want you to stop thinking about me and think about yourself." Alex was shivering. Remus took off his own cloak and wrapped it up around Alex to keep him warm. "Please, Remus. Just go."

"Stop saying that!" Remus exclaimed angrily. His eyes began to flicker. He realised he was about to cry. But he couldn't cry. There was no time for tears. He was exhausted and ready to give up, but he had come this far already. He would keep going, and he would take Alex with him. "Blaise, how long till the exit?"

Blaise sighed and leaned against the stone wall with his hands in his pockets. "I'm not really sure. Maybe twenty minutes or so."

Remus buried his fingers in his hair, frustrated. "Twenty minutes? I feel like we have been walking for hours!"

"Well, I only used this passage twice. I'm sorry, but this passage is the best way to escape from the Black Fortress without calling too much attention from the guards. Almost nobody knows about this passage."

"How did you find out about it?" Remus asked.

Blaise smiled. "Draco. He's obsessed with his safety. He wanted a safe getaway in case the fortress was attacked and we were surrounded. The Dark Lord showed him this himself. It seems that this corridor is for the top ten only, if you know what I mean. Only You-Know-Who's best men have the password for this place."

"And you know about it."

"Well, of course. I'm Draco's servant, right? I know everything." Blaise didn't seem happy about it. Remus could only imagine what a burden it was for a boy of such a young age to have to act like a spy and mingle among the enemies. Remus felt even angrier about this stupid war Voldemort had restarted. Boys like Blaise, Draco and Harry should only be worried about school grades and dates. They shouldn't be worried about praying to stay alive and fighting such an unfair battle.

"I'm really sorry," Remus said. Blaise shot him a curious look and he added, "I'm sorry for putting you in such a situation. I'm sorry for all of us. You shouldn't be here at all. You're so young... A war is no place for a kid..."

Blaise just shrugged. "I'm not a kid. I knew all about pain and discrimination long before this stupid war started. But this really sucks. This place is so horrible that sometimes I find myself missing my father's house..." Blaise bit his cheek hard for talking too much. There was something about Remus that made him want to open his heart. "Do you know why I'm helping you today? Because I'm a coward. I don't want to go to Surrey. I don't want to take part in that battle."

Remus gave him a half-smile. "I don't think of you as a coward. Helping me is proof of that. You have to be very brave to show me this way and offer to take me to the exit. This could create a lot of trouble for you. Are you sure you don't want to come with me to Hogwarts?"

Blaise sighed sadly. "I can't."

Once again, Remus felt like crying, because whether he liked it or not, Blaise was at the moment the most important spy for the Order. No matter how much he wanted to take Blaise with him, the boy had a mission to accomplish. Blaise needed to stay for the good of the cause. Remus had never felt as angry about the world as he felt now. He wanted to tell the cause to fuck off and leave them alone. Alex coughed beside him and Remus turned around to measure his temperature. As he feared, Alex was running with high fever.

"We have to go," Blaise said suddenly alert. "I think I heard something." The boy took out his wand and pointed at the darkness behind them.

"Alex, can you get up?" Remus asked worriedly.

Alex's cloudy eyes seemed very far away when he looked at Remus and said, "I don't think so. I'm so tired..."

"No, Alex!" Remus knelt down next to Alex and stroked his face. "Please, just a few more minutes and then I'll be able to take care of you. Please, Alex. Don't give up on me now. Please..."

Alex smiled feebly. "I love you. I just wish we had more time..."

"We will!" Remus exclaimed heatedly. "We'll make it out of here, and then you'll get better. I'll be able to take care of you properly. And then we will stay together."

"Dammit! Someone is coming!" Blaise muttered, whipping his wand out and asking Remus to do the same. "Be quiet!" he ordered. All they could hear in the intense darkness was their breathing. Blaise was almost lighting his wand again when a flash of light fell upon his eyes, making him temporarily blind. He cursed silently.

"Well, well, well," said a hideous voice. "What do we have here?"

It was Macnair, one of Voldemort's most loyal servants. Macnair was known for his cruel attitude. The man in front of him wouldn't think twice before casting the killing curse on them if he thought he had to.

"I knew you were scum, boy. I knew it the moment I laid my eyes upon you. You play your part well, I give you that much. But sometimes your phoney subservience slips, just like now. I've been waiting for this moment. You made a very stupid mistake by helping this trash to escape. I told the Dark Lord that it was too risky to trust werewolves, but did he listen to me? He never listens to me. He only listens to that idiot Malfoy kid." Macnair smiled bitterly. "Is Malfoy in this, too? Is he a traitor just like Lucius? I bet he is."

"Draco has nothing to do with this!" Blaise shouted.

"You're denying it so vehemently..." Macnair smirked. "I think you're lying. And I'll enjoy seeing you and that cocky brat being murdered by the Dark Lord."

Blaise tried to cast a spell on Macnair, but the older man was faster. Macnair disarmed Blaise with a flick of his wand and then pointed it at Remus.

"And you... you filthy werewolf... Wormtail was right about you. He told us you were a spy. Now you're going to die! AVADA KED..."

"NO!" Blaise jumped on top of Macnair, making the green ray of light deviate from Remus and hit the wall, creating a big hole in it. At the same time, Alex had gathered all the strength he had left to jump in front of Remus to protect him. As the wall behind them exploded, a stone hit Alex in the head. Alex fell to the floor, his body unmoving. Remus' breath got caught in his throat as he knelt down beside Alex.

"Alex? Alex!" Remus shouted. He noticed Alex's head was bleeding profusely, and he covered his mouth with his hand in shock. Alex wasn't breathing. He wasn't moving at all no matter how much Remus tried to wake him up. "Alex!" Remus stroked Alex's face. "Please Alex, don't die... Don't leave me... Please..." Tears started to fall from Remus' eyes copiously. "Please, don't go..."

"Argh!"

Macnair's shout of pain made Remus move his eyes from Alex to him. Blaise had tried to disarm Macnair the best way he could, but now Macnair had the tip of his wand at Blaise's throat, and the older man seemed ready to finish Blaise off. Remus gripped his wand and stood up furiously. His always-serene face was now contorted with rage. He pointed his wand towards Macnair and didn't even think about his actions before screaming the killing curse. Macnair's lifeless body fell to the floor.

There was a moment of silence, and then Remus' body started to shake uncontrollably. He dropped his wand. The reality around him came back with the force of a bludger. Alex was dead. His lover was dead because he had tried to save him. And Remus had killed a man after swearing he wouldn't do it again. Remus sat down next to Alex and put his lover's head on his lap. He stared into space as he stroked Alex's hair softly.

"Professor Lupin, come on! You have to get out of here!" Blaise shouted, but Remus didn't seem to be listening. Blaise knelt down beside him and poked Remus' shoulder. "Professor Lupin! Wake up! You have to get out of here!"

Blaise heard steps coming, and he panicked. He didn't know how he wasn't freaking out like Lupin. He had never really seen someone dead before. He also felt like sitting down and staring into space, trembling, but he couldn't break down. Not when his life depended on his brain to keep functioning. With a groan, he raised his hand and slapped Remus' face as hard as he could. Remus' eyes blinked confusedly.

"Professor, Lupin! You need to go. There's someone else coming. Just save yourself. I can manage from here," Blaise said, surprising himself with his coldness.

Remus stared at him as if he had gone mad. And maybe he had, Blaise thought bitterly. "I won't go anywhere. Alex is dead! He's dead because he tried to save me! I won't leave him. I'll die with him."

"Are you mental? He saved your life! He wanted you to live! So get your werewolf ass out of here before they turn you into zombie's meat. Is that what you want? Because that's what will happen if you stay. Just keep going straight, and then turn left. You'll get to the exit."

Remus didn't want to be turned over to the zombies, but he also didn't want to leave Alex. He didn't think it was fair to him. He didn't think it was right to keep on living. What for? He had lived only a half-life for years. There wasn't any point in escaping anymore. But Blaise kept trying to make him change his mind, and the only thing that made Remus move again was the mention that the Order should be warned about the MCC's location. Remus needed to escape so he could tell the Order about it. Remus bit his lower lip hard until he tasted blood, and then he smiled bitterly. It was all for the good of the cause, wasn't it? He took one last look at Alex, hating himself for leaving him behind. Remus knew he would never forgive himself for what had happened with Alex. He left, but it seemed as if his soul had been left behind.

Blaise watched Remus' saddened figure vanishing in the darkness. He looked down at Alex, trying not to break down and cry. A few minutes later, Goyle appeared with three more Death Eaters. He looked at Blaise and then at Alex and Macnair.

"What happened here?" he asked.

Blaise gulped and then took a deep breath. "Two werewolves were trying to escape. Macnair and I noticed them entering the secret passage and we followed them here."

Goyle frowned. "How did they know about this passage?"

Blaise shrugged. "They must have seen someone using it, and they probably heard the password."

"Like I was saying," Blaise went on. "Macnair and I followed them here, but they attacked us. We managed to kill one, but the other escaped after killing Macnair. I wounded the other one. I don't think he will go too far. Besides, he doesn't know how to walk around here, does he?" Blaise smiled wickedly and Goyle and the others smiled at him too. "The Basilisk will take care of him."

Goyle patted Blaise's back and said, "Good work, Zabini. I'll make sure the Dark Lord will give you a big promotion after this." Goyle looked at Macnair's body and then snorted. "Well, he was useful, I won't deny it. But I never really liked him... And to let himself be killed by a werewolf... What a loser. Leave them here. The Basilisk will eat them." Goyle looked back at Blaise. "We have to go now. Everything is ready for the big mission in Surrey. You're certainly joining us, aren't you?"

Blaise smirked. "Of course."

Goyle nodded happily and then he turned around to leave. Blaise glanced one last time at Alex and he opened his eyes widely. Maybe his eyes were playing tricks on him, but he thought he saw Alex moving.

"Hey, Zabini! Aren't you coming?"

"Yeah, in a sec!" Blaise caught his wand from the floor and then looked at Alex again. He frowned. Alex was dead. He thought he had seen him moving his fingers, but he was probably wrong. In any case, he would come back later to check it. He just hoped the Basilisk didn't catch Alex first.

With a deep sigh, he put his wand back in his waistband and followed Goyle and his crew to the entrance. He never hated his life as much as in that moment.

TBC...