Take me Home

Ch. 15 - HEART TO HEART CONVERSATION

Pettigrew was going mad. He spent his days and nights thinking of a way to run away from the hell he had gotten himself into, but he found no other alternative but to stay at Voldemort's side. He hated the Black Fortress. Once, he thought that Lord Voldemort would make him his right hand man, the one in charge, but oh, how he was wrong. Instead, the Dark Lord had been training Draco Malfoy, the spoiled-brat, to be the first in command. It was outrageous. Not so long ago, the kid had been sleeping with Harry Potter. How could he be Voldemort's protégé now?

The Dark Lord should be even more careful when around Draco, because a Seer had told them that Malfoy's part in the play wasn't clear yet. He could be used for the better. The Dark Lord was confident that Draco would be used for the worst, but Pettigrew wasn't so sure. Even so, it was true that they could use Draco to lure Harry to their hideout.

Draco wasn't the only one he should worry about. One of his enemies had joined the Death Eaters. Remus Lupin was constantly watching his every move. Pettigrew was terrified of the werewolf. He had tried to convince Lord Voldemort that Lupin wasn't reliable, but with no avail. Because of that, he was constantly looking over his shoulders, paying attention to everything suspicious.

Pettigrew couldn't understand the Dark Lord's plans, and he hated to be kept in the dark. Soon there would be no place to hide. In his opinion, Lord Voldemort was becoming more and more insane, so he wouldn't protect Pettigrew anymore. Draco was getting on his nerves with his absurd demands, and Lupin's constant watch was giving him chills. He didn't sleep at night. He kept his eyes widely open just in case someone entered his room to kill him.

"Pettigrew, Malfoy is waiting!" shouted someone, making Pettigrew jump with fright.

"I'm coming," Pettigrew said, muttering nasty words under his breath.

He took the silver tray carefully and walked to Malfoy's bedchamber. As it usually happened when he entered that room, he felt mesmerized by how big and beautiful it was. Thanks to Pansy, Malfoy had taken one of the best rooms in the Black Fortress, while Pettigrew - the real loyal servant - had taken just an ordinary room. He couldn't help the bitter thought crossing his mind. Malfoy had taken everything that was supposed to be his.

The brat was spread on the couch - the bloody bastard had a couch of his own! - and he seemed to be taking a nap. Pettigrew shot him a murderous look, and just for a moment, he thought of pointing his wand at Malfoy and killing him. He actually had his hand on his wand when Malfoy opened his eyes and smirked like he knew exactly what Pettigrew was thinking.

"Don't even think about it, worm," Draco said with his most deadly tone of voice. "I can kill you faster than you can cry for help."

Pettigrew's entire body started to shake uncontrollably, and the tray he was holding fell to the floor with a loud noise, spilling hot coffee on the carpet. His cowardice and clumsiness seemed to amuse Draco, but the blond boy also looked upset.

"Although I find your comedy show funny every now and then, you know how much I hate to see a good Colombian coffee going to waste. Clean that up immediately," Draco ordered coldly. Pettigrew gripped his wand tightly, ready to wipe the dirt away, but Draco cast Expelliarmus and caught it. "Without using magic. I would order you to use your tongue, but the image makes me sick to my stomach."

Pettigrew swallowed the nasty words that were at the tip of his tongue. He knelt down to pick up his mess and Draco kicked his butt. The brat dared to laugh at him.

"You're taking too long!"

Pettigrew picked up everything and walked quickly out of the room before Draco kicked him again.

"There's still coffee all over my very expensive Persian tapestry," Draco said.

"I'll clean it all up in a minute," Pettigrew muttered.

He felt Draco's wand on his back and he gulped. "You forgot the magical word," Draco hissed.

"I'll c-clean it u-up in a m-minute, M-Master," Pettigrew stuttered, darting out of the room as if he was being chased by demons.

Draco shook his head and smirked at the pathetic figure running down the hallway. He went back to his room and dressed up all in black. He looked at his image through the mirror and frowned. He was thinner than he remembered. But then again, he couldn't remember much of his past. The last thing he could remember was waking up as a giant slug in the Hogwarts Express, and his father berating him for being beaten up once again by Harry Potter.

Ever since that day, every memory of Hogwarts was very fuzzy inside his head. Draco was told that he didn't stay in Hogwarts for too long; that he joined the Death Eaters very soon just to be with his fiancée Pansy. He was also told that Potter had humiiated him in their last confrontation, and it was because of that encounter that Draco had lost his memory of the past half year.

He clutched his fists, his eyes turning to a dark shade of grey. Pansy had told him that his obsession in that blank period of his life was to destroy Harry Potter. Draco could totally understand that. The Golden Boy had always been an annoyance in his life. It was because of Potter that he had endured many scolds from his father. It was because of Potter that Draco had learned how to feel. That was what was bothering him the most.

It seemed that his hate for the Boy-Who-Lived had increased. He could feel hatred in every pore of his body. He felt the anger rising every time he thought about Potter, and he couldn't help the need to murder him. That strong need for Potter's blood was something that surprised him. Never before had he felt such a need. He remembered hating Potter. It was something hard to forget. They had always been rivals, ever since Potter had refused to shake hands with him. But he didn't remember wanting to kill him so much. He didn't remember hating Potter with such intensity.

Hate wasn't the only thing he felt, which unsettled him the most. He didn't only feel hate for Potter. He lusted for him. It seemed as if his desire had increased in the same proportion as his hate. He had a picture of Potter among his belongings. Why? He had no idea. He only knew that he had to be very careful about it, because he didn't feel like throwing it away.

He looked at his right hand and caressed the silver ring on his annular finger. The snake-shaped ring was another mystery to him. He didn't know where he bought it. He wanted to ask Pansy about it - she seemed to know so much about the blank period of his life - but he never did it. There was a voice inside of him telling him to keep that to himself.

He was fascinated by the ring. Every time he looked at him, he felt entranced. The snake's green eyes seemed to hypnotise him. They looked so much like Harry's eyes... Draco opened his eyes wide, shocked by the inappropriate thought. He shook his head to get himself out of that dangerous trance. Why did he always think about Potter? He wasn't a puff, as far as he could remember. That was the problem. He didn't remember. If the way Zabini looked at him was any indication, perhaps Draco did have homosexual impulses, because he liked the intense stare.

He took a deep breath and told himself to get a grip. He had a fiancée. He would marry her soon. It was true that he didn't like Pansy. She was annoying and not so cute when she threw her fits, which happened all the time. But she was Voldemort's granddaughter. Draco could be very powerful after their marriage. Power was something that he had always wanted. He would be as powerful as Lord Voldemort, and he would crush anyone who dared to oppose him, even Voldemort. He'd do anything to reach his goal. He would still make his father proud of him.

He still couldn't understand the reason why his father had betrayed Voldemort to join he Order of Phoenix, but he didn't care. He knew his father very well. If Lucius had joined the Order, he had his motives. Like Lucius, Draco didn't care about Voldemort or his stupid beliefs. His father had been taught to care only about himself.

But he had to keep the show running. He was very good at hiding his true feelings. He was always careful not to show how disgusting Voldemort was. He always put on his face of indifference when in Voldemort's presence. He couldn't let him know just how empty Draco felt most of the time, like something very important had been taken away from him leaving a void inside his heart. He had to keep the facade.

A knock on his door took him out of his reverie, and Blaise entered a few seconds later with a very scared Pettigrew behind him. Draco made a gesture with his head for Blaise to follow him and left Pettigrew to clean up the carpet.

They walked through the hallway silently, and Blaise only spoke his mind when they were inside Draco's office.

"You should be careful with Wormtail. He's terribly jealous of you."

Draco shrugged. "Wormtail is harmless. He's no match for me."

Blaise arched his eyebrows. "I wouldn't be so sure. He has that creepy silver hand... Every time he thinks nobody is looking, he keeps muttering nasty things about you and how you stole his position. Like I said, you should be more careful."

"I think I can handle Wormtail, Zabini," Draco said coldly. "Just remember your place. We're not close friends."

Blaise smirked. "Of course, Master."

Draco smirked back. "I didn't like your tone of voice. Are you being sarcastic?"

"I wouldn't dream of doing such a thing," Blaise said with a sneer.

"Good. What are our plans for today?"

"There's a meeting at two p.m. The Dark Lord needs you to convince some pure-blood families to join his cause. You can do whatever you want to persuade them. I had the impression that the Dark Lord wants them to resist, so you can make them squirm and squeak."

The corner of Draco's mouth lifted a little bit. "That's just like the old bastard. He loves resistance."

"He also wants you to go to the... Muggle Concentration Camp with him."

Blaise didn't look Draco in the eye, and that fact annoyed Draco. To him, Blaise was a mystery. He remembered quite well that he and Blaise weren't best friends at Hogwarts. As a matter of fact, he'd ignored Blaise most of the time, and if he remembered correctly, Blaise seemed to resent him. Now Blaise was his personal assistant. Blaise played the part of the perfect Slytherin in front of others and he seemed very loyal to Draco. At the same time that Blaise agreed fervently in Voldemort's believes, he let his mask slip when he was with Draco. Draco couldn't understand why, but he knew one thing for sure. In that kind of business, one should always watch his back.

"You don't approve of it?" Draco asked with a fake innocence.

"It's not my place to approve of something that the Dark Lord created," Blaise answered carefully.

"But you don't like it, do you?" Draco stated, making Blaise slightly upset.

"Like I said..."

"Cut the crap, Zabini! You should be more careful about your feelings. You seem to keep them to yourself pretty well when you're in Lord Voldemort's presence, but when you're with me... you just let them slip. Don't do that anymore."

Blaise stared at Draco, stunned and almost hopeful. "Draco...?"

"Don't call me that," Draco cut him off sharply. "It's Malfoy to you."

Blaise lowered his eyes and swallowed hard. For a moment he thought the old Draco was back.

"You seem to find it difficult to look me in the eyes," Draco pointed out, taking Blaise by surprise.

"I don't know what you mean."

"Tell me once again why I chose you to be my personal secretary," Draco requested.

Blaise froze but his voice didn't quiver when he said, "I saved you from Potter more than once. You told me I could work for you after that."

Draco's piercing look made Blaise shiver.

"Were we lovers?"

Blaise gasped. That was the last thing he expected. "No," he answered without stuttering. He could have lied. It would be very interesting to see Draco's reaction to a positive answer, but somehow he couldn't. There was Seamus to think about. Even so, he was curious. "Why do you ask?"

Draco bit his lower lip. "Are you a queer?"

"Why?" Blaise asked, clutching his fists not to lose his calm posture.

"You're always checking me out."

"I am not!" Blaise exclaimed, outraged.

Draco smiled maliciously. "Don't lie to me. I can see right through you. You want me."

Blaise looked down, almost exploding with rage. "Drop it, Malfoy. Why would I want someone like you?"

"Why not?" Draco said, smiling. "I'm blond and beautiful. I have a great smile, a very tasty body... I'm rich and stylish. I forgive you if you desire me. Who wouldn't?"

Blaise almost smiled. Some things would never change. Draco would always be conceited, with or without the controlling potion.

"Ok. That's enough for today. Just try not to ogle me when there're people around. It wouldn't look good." Draco took his cloak and put it on. "We have a lot of work to do. I need to talk to Goyle."

Blaise knew he was doing the wrong thing again, but he couldn't help but say, "You should also be careful with Goyle. Very careful."

Draco shot him a murderous look. "You seem to think I'm stupid, Zabini. What's wrong with you today? Are you on acid or something? Or is your lust for me melting your brain? Honestly... Who do you think you are? I very well know that Goyle is just Pansy's ugly puppet. I know he likes her, and I know that he'd feed me to dragons if he had a chance. He's a useful puppet though. Besides, I already told you. I can take care of myself."

Blaise nodded, not daring to look at Draco. If he did, Draco would see exactly what he was thinking of his speech. He should be more careful and keep his opinions to himself, but he never imagined it to be so difficult. He never thought he would miss the old Draco so much. Draco was right. He had to be more careful about his feelings. He couldn't jeopardise his mission, or he would be in trouble.

"Let's go. We're late. And keep your thoughts to yourself or you might get hurt," Draco warned as if he had read Blaise's mind.

Blaise's heart skipped a beat. Could it be that Draco was worried about him? Something that Blaise had noticed living with Draco for four weeks was that the controlling potion wasn't enough to kill off Draco's old personality entirely. There was still hope. Or perhaps Blaise was just seeing what he wanted to see.

"By the way," Draco said just before leaving the office. "I hate that place too."

Blaise smiled weakly, and almost sighed in relief. He was so certain that Draco didn't like the MCC (Muggle Concentration Camp), and now he knew for sure. There was no way someone in his right mind would like such a hideous place.

If that was true, then not everything was lost. There was still hope for Draco indeed.

-----------------------------

Severus wasn't supposed to be wandering through that particular corridor so late at night. It wasn't dangerous, but Peeves seemed to like that part of the castle a lot, and Severus didn't want to end up being a victim of one of the poltergeist's stupid pranks. He had too much on his mind already. Erin's labour was so close. Even though she kept telling him she was all right, he still worried. His students were complaining that he was harsher than usual, but he couldn't help it. That was the kind of man he was. He was too anxious, and that anxiety made him edgy. It was such a new situation for him. He didn't know how to react. Soon he would be a father. It was a very scary thought.

He also thought Erin was so delicate and small to have a child. He was afraid of losing her. What if something bad happened during her labour? What if there were complications? It was possible. For example, Lucius had told him that Narcissa had almost died while giving birth to Draco. Lucius had traumatised him for a lifetime with his horrible story.

Damn him. Severus cursed Lucius' sadism.

He put his hands in his pocket, thinking of ways to strike back. It was childish, but he considered doing something to James just to spite Lucius and make him learn a lesson. It seemed as if James Potter and Draco were Lucius' only weakness. Since Severus didn't like James, he figured that he could strike two birds with one stone. Lucius would pay for making him even tenser.

He was about to go back to his room when he saw something through the window of the third floor. There was someone struggling to break his way into the thick snow. Someone invisible. Perhaps he was seeing too much - or less. Maybe there was nothing out there. He blinked a few times and narrowed his eyes.

There it was. Thanks to the bright moonlight, he clearly saw marks of footsteps being printed in the snow; footsteps of someone foolish enough to go out in such a cold weather. He couldn't believe his eyes. The first thing that crossed his mind was that the footsteps belonged to a Death Eater. Then he frowned. There was only one man after Severus who could make an Invisibility potion, and that man didn't work for Voldemort, unless he was very mistaken. His brain worked furiously. He knew only one person in Hogwarts who had an Invisibility cloak, though. And that person was foolish. He clutched his fists and darted to the stairs. He didn't know how he was able to run so fast, get ready to face the cold before going out and catch the sneaky bastard in just a few minutes.

The invisible person struggled against him at first, but Severus was stronger and very scary when he was angry. The person gave up the fight, and Severus took off the cloak that was protecting the little idiot and stared furiously at Harry Potter.

"What in Merlin's name..." Severus started but was cut off by a sudden wind blast. It began to snow and soon they were covered in white. Severus swore under his breath. He gripped Harry's arms and dragged him to Hagrid's hut, shoving the boy inside. "Fuck!" He stared at the pathetic figure of the boy lying on the ground, looking like a wet little puppy lost and confused, and sighed.

"Strip," he ordered.

Harry's eyes opened up as widely as they could. Harry's expression was comic but also outrageous. Severus didn't know if he should laugh or bash him in the head. He knew exactly what the boy was thinking.

"Don't worry, Potter. I'm not a pervert on top of everything else nasty that you think of me."

"Then why..."

"Do you want to get a cold? Because that's what you'll get if you don't take off those wet clothes."

Harry stared at Severus intently. "Don't you know a drying spell or something?"

Severus grimaced. "I do, but if I cast it in your clothes while they are on you, there's a risk you'll be burnt. Of course, there was never hard evidence about it. If you want to be my rat lab and be the first to test the theory, who am I to deny one's wishes?"

Severus pointed his wand at Harry with the familiar expressionless face, and Harry quickly stripped from his clothes except for his underwear. He would never be naked in front of Snape. He stared at the older man extremely upset and tossed his clothes on the floor.

"There. Burn them if you want to," Harry said childishly.

"Don't tempt me," Severus muttered, taking his own wet clothes off.

Harry instantly turned his back to him, his face burning. He would not look at Snape stripping. It was an image that would give him nightmares. What was the old man thinking anyway? He could be arrested for molesting a child! Harry could only imagine his father's reaction if he caught them. His father would be infuriated. His lips lifted at the corner of his mouth. It was such a funny image that he couldn't help but smile.

He glanced at Severus from the corner of his eyes and what he saw took his breath away. He wasn't prepared to see such a gorgeous body. Draco was right. Severus was very attractive. He felt his face even hotter, and he knew he was blushing like a school girl. He turned his head away quickly, but Severus caught his look.

Severus arched an eyebrow. "What? Do you find my scars so disgusting you can't even look at them?"

Scars? Harry hadn't seen any scars. Because the room was barely lit by candle-light, he couldn't see much in details. He turned around again and stared at Severus' back. There were a few scars in it, but Harry didn't find them disgusting. They actually made Severus look even sexier.

"Are you satisfied now that you've taken a closer look at them?" Severus asked coldly.

Harry blushed again and turned his head away. "Sorry."

"You have many things to feel sorry for, Potter. This is nothing compared to the fact that you were out at this time of night when you were forbidden to step outside Hogwarts without an escort," Severus said, tossing Harry's clothes back to him. "Put them on. They are dry now."

Harry could feel the warmth embracing him when he put his clothes back on. He wanted to show gratitude to Severus, but it was very hard to do it. Severus had always tried to make his life in Hogwarts as miserable as possible. It was hard to admit that the old bat had a human side. He also knew Severus would soon start giving him a speech about how dangerous the situation was, and how stupid and irresponsible Harry was. Harry wasn't wrong in his assumptions. The moment Severus finished dressing up he turned to Harry and started yelling at him.

"What the hell were you thinking? Going out like this... in such weather... And to the Dark Forest nonetheless! Because I know you were heading for the Dark Forest! Stupid and foolish, that's what you are! Everyone tries so hard to protect you, and this is how you repay them! Lupin is risking his life to be a spy!" Severus roared.

"I never asked any of them for protection!" Harry exclaimed, upset.

"Aren't you an ungrateful spoiled-brat?" Severus grimaced. "They do it because they like you, Lord knows why. Where were you going?"

"It's none of your business," Harry replied insolently. "Where's Hagrid anyway? And Fang?"

Severus counted to ten and tried not to hit him. "Fang is in the castle, because Hagrid is working on a mission for the Order. He's another fool trying to protect you. You don't need to know about it, and it isn't as if you care anyway."

It would have hurt less if Severus slapped Harry. The boy felt ashamed of himself. In a way, Severus was right in calling his attention. But it wasn't as if Harry could control his emotions. He couldn't stand to be watched 24/7 and not do anything to save Draco. He missed the blond Slytherin, so much that it ached.

Severus sighed at Harry's lost expression. "Draco didn't ask you to come after him, did he?"

Harry made a face. "Why are you assuming that I was going after-?"

Severus cut across him, "It's obvious you were trying to go after him. I just don't know how exactly you intended to reach him. The Dark Forest won't get you anywhere. To enter that place would be suicide. You wouldn't be saving Draco, just sparing Voldemort the trouble to kill you himself."

"I..." Harry tried to defend himself without any chance.

"Do you know what your problem is, Potter?" Severus cut Harry off again. "You don't think about your actions. You just let your heart guide you. Well, let me tell you something. Your heart can't be trusted in times of war. One careless mistake and you're finished. You won't be able to help Draco or anyone else if you're dead."

Harry looked down and bit his lower lip. He wanted to shout at Severus to let him go, to let him do to his life whatever he wanted, but he knew Severus was right for once. It was careless of him to go out like that without a plan on his mind. Just because he'd heard of winged horses called thestrals living inside the forest that could get him anywhere he wanted to go, it didn't mean he'd actually find them just like that. It also didn't mean the creature would obey him easily.

But even so, he hated to be scolded by Snape of all people.

"Why do you care? You don't like me anyway," Harry replied angrily.

Severus clenched his fists; he really didn't want to hit the boy. "Do I have reasons to like you? You've done nothing but make my life a living hell ever since you got here. I try so hard to watch over you, but you don't make my job easy even for a second. And did you ever thank me for saving you so many times?" he breathed hard, trying to keep himself together. "I don't dislike you, though, it doesn't matter that you are annoying and irresponsible. I promised your mother I would protect you. You can fight and struggle as much as you want, but I won't back down. I'm a man of my word. I don't make promises lightly."

That took Harry totally by surprise. It was the last thing he expected to hear from Severus. The mention of his mother made him remember that the cold and mysterious man in front of him was Lily's beloved. Harry had tried very hard not to think about it. It was quite disturbing. But now his curiosity had gotten to the surface again.

"You knew my mother, right?" Harry began carefully.

Severus' eyes narrowed and he gave his back to Harry. "You could say that."

Harry licked his lips. "Were you her friend?" What he really wanted to ask was if they were lovers, but for one thing, he didn't have the courage to ask such a personal question. For another, he didn't really want to know, did he? After seeing Severus half-naked, though, he could understand what Lily had seen in him.

"I made her a very serious promise," Severus grimaced. "What does this promise tell you?"

Harry held the urge to stick out his tongue at him. "I just want to know more about her. Voldemort was the only one who actually told me something, and his revelations were shocking, to say the least. I liked the image I had created of her in my head. She would be the kind of mother who would bake cookies for me, ask me to set my clothes in order, tell me to take a jacket when I was going out and tell me not to come home too late..." Harry's eyes shone brightly with unshed tears. "I had no idea... The things he said."

Severus sighed. He didn't like where the conversation was going at all. He didn't know how to deal with it. He would panic if Harry started to cry in front of him. He wasn't the most indicated person to listen to other people's problems. But unfortunately, he was the only one in the room. They were stuck up together for the rest of the night, because there was no way to go back to the castle. It was snowing too hard.

He stared at Harry, thinking of what to say. He pitied the boy. He also did want to know what it was like to have a mother like that, so he could understand Harry's feelings. He was sure Lily would be just like that if she had had the chance. Severus didn't know exactly what Voldemort had told him, but at least he could assure Harry of the things he knew about her.

He pointed his wand at the fireplace to warm them and as he watched the enchanting flames, he began quietly, "Your mother... was a decent Gryffindor. She was the Pollyanna type of girl, if you get what I mean. She was very optimistic. Her presence was very soothing." Severus' eyes got lost in a past he had desperately tried to forget. "But I wasn't exactly Mr. Sociable. As much as she tried to be friends with me, I never let her get too close."

"Did you like her?" asked Harry softly, remembering his father's words. Lily never knew if Severus had loved her.

Severus smiled feebly, but because he had his back to Harry, the boy didn't see it. He had loved her more than anything in the world. He just didn't know how to express it. He'd never tell something so personal to Harry though. "I got used to her. She was always around me, trying to break my ice wall. She was convinced that her mission was to make me a friendly person. I was her charity case, to speak."

"She failed, of course," Harry muttered without thinking.

Severus frowned, glaring at Harry. "What did you say?"

Harry gulped, suddenly realising what he had just let slip. "Nothing," he mumbled quickly.

Severus didn't seem to believe him, but went on with his story anyway. "One day I was assigned to tutor her in Potions. She was very lousy at it, even more than you." Severus seemed thoughtful, and Harry had an idea of what he was about to say. He wasn't wrong. "I guess it must be what Muggles call genetic, huh?" Harry made a face. "We became friends because of the circumstances we were in. She was a good girl. It was hard not to..." Fall in love with her. "She was very charming, Potter. She grew on you in a way that you couldn't be away from her anymore." Severus sighed heavily. He had said enough, hadn't he? That should be enough to appease Harry's curiosity.

But it wasn't enough. Harry wanted to ask him much more.

"If she was such a good person, why did she join him?" Harry asked.

Severus glanced at him for a moment, and he could see in Harry's big green eyes - that were so much like Lily's - the confusion mixed up with anger and sadness. He felt a pang in his heart. That was why he had always felt uptight around Harry. His eyes reminded him too much of Lily. When he stared into those emerald orbs, he couldn't show any resistance.

"Your mother was never a Death Eater. Death Eaters are supposed to be very vicious. They must be able to betray enemies and friends, blackmail, torture and kill - muggles or wizards. Lily carried the mark, but she never did any of those things. She had no idea what Voldemort's real goal was. She thought he was only fighting against an unfair political system." Severus smirked. "Voldemort told her he was building a law to bring equality to all the magical creatures. She thought it was the right thing to fight for. She was, of course, thinking about Lupin. But when she realised it was all an act, she jumped out. She turned against Voldemort."

"Where did you fit in all of this?" Harry asked.

Severus instantly turned to stare at him with his most deadly look. "We aren't talking about me."

His look was the cue for Harry to drop it, but Harry wasn't scared easily. "But I want to know." He needed to know. He wanted to know more about the man his mother had loved so much. He wanted to make sure Severus really wasn't a bad guy, just someone in a very bad mood.

"It's enough, Potter," Severus said with a phoney coolness. Harry knew it was only an act. Severus was ready to explode.

Harry looked down, admitting his defeat. "Can I ask you one more thing? What about the fact that Voldemort claims to be her father?"

"She never knew for sure," Severus said expressionless. "Besides, he wasn't really a father, was he? He isn't even human anymore."

Harry thought exactly that, and it was scary to have something in common with Snape. But he also couldn't help to think that he would have to fight and kill someone that could be his grandfather. It was too much for him.

He caught Severus looking at him and he realised that he couldn't ask anything more about Lily or Voldemort. That look was a threat for Harry to keep his mouth closed from now on. Severus had said too much already. Harry was actually quite surprised about Severus' sudden disposition to talk and help him sooth his heart.

"You didn't even take house points from me!" Harry voiced his thoughts aloud.

Severus smirked. "Thanks for reminding me. Fifth points from Gryffindor, and a week of detention. I should be with my wife, Potter. If she delivers while I'm here, you'll be cursed forever. Detention will be a walk in the park next to what I'll do to you."

Harry sulked. He knew Severus meant that. He cursed his big mouth for not holding his thoughts. It was very cold. He wrapped his arms around himself and lay down on the couch, sighing deeply. He couldn't believe he was stuck with Snape for the night. As the minutes flew by, his mind drifted to Draco. He missed Draco so much he thought he wouldn't make it. Nothing mattered when Draco wasn't around, teasing him like he used to. He even missed the way Draco sneered.

The silence filled up the room, and Harry felt out of breath. He couldn't stand that quietness.

"I miss him," he muttered, staring at the flames dancing in the fireplace.

Severus glanced at him and quickly averted Harry's eyes. He prayed again for the boy not to cry. It would be such an awkward situation if that happened, because Severus wouldn't know what to do. Potter was such a troublesome boy. No, not boy, Severus thought as he looked at Harry again. Harry was growing up. His features were more of a young man. He still looked at lot like James, but when he smiled, he looked like Lily. Sometimes in Potions class, when the light set upon his face at a certain angle, he also reminded Severus of Lily. Those times were very painful to him. To look at Harry for too long was to open very old wounds. Those were the times he called Harry's attention in class, even if he wasn't doing anything. It was a way to get that pain out of his system.

"I can't live without him," Harry whispered.

Severus frowned, wondering if he should remind Harry that he was Severus Snape - the old greasy bat - and not his personal confidant. Severus didn't say anything though. He let Harry talk, and talk, until he was very sleepy and tired.

"I'm sorry," Harry said after opening his heart. Severus almost laughed at his expression. Harry was shocked to have said so much about himself to a person like him. "I'm really sorry. I... don't know what I was thinking."

"But you never do. That's your problem," Severus said, leaning his head against the armchair and closing his eyes. "I wouldn't be so worried about him if I were you. Draco knows how to take care of himself very well. And it isn't like he's in danger. He isn't a prisoner in Voldemort's fortress. If he saw you there, he would probably hand you over to Voldemort."

"I don't believe that," Harry replied not so sure.

"I'm more worried about you than him. He's not a Hufflepuff."

Harry blinked a few times. "Did you really say you're worried about me?"

Severus opened his eyes, a bitter taste in his mouth. He couldn't believe he had actually said that. It had to be his father-to-be instincts kicking in. "Do you really want to know why I'm not so worried about Draco?"

Harry definitely wanted to know that, but he also wanted to know why Severus was worried about him. He didn't push it though. He knew how Severus' bad temper worked. "Yes," he answered.

"I wasn't supposed to tell you this... but since you poured out your heart to me... I received Zabini's last report about Draco four days ago."

Harry almost jumped out of the couch. "How many reports have you received so far?"

"Does it matter?"

Harry felt like going for his throat. "Of course it does! Everything about Draco concerns me! If you cared to inform me, than we wouldn't be here today! No one tells me anything. You lot keep me in the dark. What am I suppose to do?"

"Running to the Dark Forest won't get you anywhere," Severus said, his anger matching Harry's.

"But if you have told me..."

"Would you listen? I'm telling you now!" Severus paced around the room trying to control his fury. "There is some good news. Zabini said Draco has been showing a few traces of his old personality from before you two got together."

"How is that good?"

"The controlling potion was supposed to make his personality worse, but it isn't working. The only thing it did so far successfully was to erase Draco's memories of your relationship. The Draco from before is just a very vicious Slytherin, that's all."

"That isn't good at all," Harry scowled. "He doesn't remember me?"

"He does. But he remembers you from before you two became... you know. And would you stop pouting? It's ridiculous. Start acting more like an adult, for Merlin's sake. How do you expect me to stop treating you like a child if you don't stop behaving like one?"

"Am I supposed to be happy with what you just said?" Harry asked incredulously.

"You should be a little more optimistic. It is good news. It means the potion isn't working as it was supposed to. It means Draco can fight it alone. He might not even need a healing potion."

It was indeed good news, but somehow Harry couldn't soothe his heart with just that.

"Why isn't the potion working?" he asked.

"It's a new formula. There's no way the maker can precise exactly what it will do to the drinker."

Harry's heart beat fast as a terrible thought crossed his mind. "Then it also means that he might get killed because of it."

Severus had thought of that. It was a possibility. But he didn't believe it.

"I don't think so," he said. "You saw the side effects with your own eyes. They weren't so nice, I admit it, but if the potion was supposed to kill, it would have done it by now."

"Not so nice?" Harry was about to explode. "It was terrible to watch! He suffered so much!"

"He's not suffering anymore. I think that part of the potion's effects is over. But don't worry. Zabini is bit by bit feeding me with information about the controlling potion. I think I'll have something to heal Draco soon."

"By then it might be too late." Harry paced around the room, too nervous to be still. "You know I'll try to go after him again, right? I can't help myself, especially now. I have to see with my own eyes if he's ok. Perhaps if he sees me he'll have his memory back."

Severus breathed heavily to calm himself down. "It's very romantic, Potter, but also very foolish. Stop talking nonsense! You won't go anywhere as long as I'm keeping my eyes on you. Draco is a Slytherin. He'll do better than you. If it wasn't for my promise to your mother, I wouldn't stop you. You can kill yourself for all I care. But I did make her that promise and I intend to keep it until I die."

"Well, I release you from it," Harry shouted. "I don't need you to take care of me! She must have been out of her mind when she asked you something like that! I bet she didn't know you would turn out to be such an unpleasant person. I bet she didn't think you would pick on me so much."

"There are too many people treating you as if you're made of glass. I won't be another one, because I don't think you need a pat on the back. Everyone spoils you too much already. Thanks to me you are what you are. You don't think of yourself as special, do you? I make you feel normal. I treat you as I treat anyone else."

"And what the fuck is that suppose to mean?" Harry tried very hard to understand what Severus was trying to say.

Severus clenched his fists hard. "It means that I do care, stupid brat."

There was a long period of silence. The only thing that could be heard in the room was the sound of their breaths.

"Then why... Why can't you be nice?" Harry asked.

"Because I don't know how," Severus answered with a sincerity that took Harry unguarded.

Harry just stood still, unable to move. Even breathing was hard. His heart was pounding against his chest painfully, making him more aware of everything around him. He didn't know what to say to that. Even if he tried, he doubted that he would be able to form a coherent sentence. Severus cared for him, in his own twisted way. He was bewildered.

He was taken out of his trance when Severus caught him in his arms. "What-" Harry muttered, his heart almost coming out of his mouth. Severus tossed him on the bed carelessly and they just stared at each other as if it was the first time they were actually seeing one another. Harry couldn't control his panting breath. He was scared, afraid that Severus would attack him somehow. But at the same time he felt excited, and he couldn't understand why. After a few more minutes, Severus gave his back to him and lay down on the couch, making Harry sighed in relief. Severus' throaty voice made him jump.

"It's late already. Go to sleep."

"Professor...?" Harry called, not knowing what to say.

Silence.

"Do you really want me to leave you alone? Because if you do, I'll forget about my promise and you'll be on your own," Severus said.

That was the last thing Harry expected to hear. "I..." That was his chance. If he said yes, then he'd be free from Severus' constant vigilance. He stared at the ceiling, his mind screaming 'say yes, say yes!' "You said you're a man of word. You should keep your promise, then."

Did he really say that? He did. Why? He had no idea.

At the couch, Severus was also very confused about everything. He crossed his arm behind his head and stared at the ceiling. Was he supposed to say something back? He closed his eyes. It was better to just leave it alone and try to sleep.

"Professor...?" he heard Harry calling him again.

"What?" he snapped.

"Isn't the couch to small for you?"

"Why, Potter," Severus smirked. "Are you inviting me to your bed?"

Harry gasped. Not in a million years. He shuddered. "Of course not!" He thought he heard Severus chuckled, but he couldn't be sure. "I'm just trying to be polite. You have a very dirty mind. Besides, the bed is big enough for both of us and..." Harry wanted to say that he was offering himself to take the couch because he was smaller, but Severus cut across him.

"First of all, I'm married. Second, you're not my type. And third, I'm going to hell for a lot of reasons, but children's molestation won't be one of them."

"I'm not a child!" Harry protested, slapping his forehead almost immediately. What the hell was he saying? It sounded as if he was coming on to Snape. "Er... I didn't mean it like that. I mean... I... It isn't as if..." he stuttered.

This time he clearly heard Severus chuckling.

"I'm flattered, Potter. But what about Draco?" Severus mocked.

Harry was speechless.

Severus smiled in the dark. "Just go to sleep."

Harry sulked, and he held the urge to beat his pillow. He didn't know why he cared for the old bat's welfare. He hoped Severus would wake up the next morning with a terrible pain on his back. He'd just been mocked by Severus Snape. Dammit.

After a while, he calm down. He even smiled at their mix-up conversation. Even though he was still feeling restless because of Draco, Severus' presence was somehow strangely soothing. He felt his eyelashes heavy and he closed his eyes. Before he fell asleep though, he whispered, "She loved you, you know?"

Silence. Perhaps Severus had already fallen asleep. Even so, he kept saying, "My father told me that my mother loved you. I think... she wanted you to know that."

On the couch, Severus felt out of breath, and he wondered if he had heard it right. He felt like going to Harry's bed to shake him until he found out how Harry knew about that. He felt a terrible pain in his heart. Many years had passed since the last time he had felt so devastated. The memories he had from Lily ripped his old wounds apart, making him bleed again. He breathed hard. He had to get a grip. He couldn't go down to that same road again. He had Erin now, and he would be a father soon. It was useless to think about the past. It was enough to know that Lily had loved him.

It had to be.

At some feet away, Harry slept agitatedly, not knowing the devastating effect his words had had on Severus' heart.

-----------------------------------------

Lucius sighed heavily as his eyes scanned his lawyer's letter for the tenth time. If he was emotional and out of control, he'd have lost his mind by now. If there was one thing he was proud of being a Malfoy, it was his impeccable self-control. Even though he felt like trashing his room, he wouldn't do it. He would calmly sit on his bedroom's chair and take that punch as the noble man he was. Yeah. And perhaps pigs would also fly by his window without the help of magic.

He breathed hard, gripping his wand in his hand. He was about to cast as many dark magic spells as he could remember around his room - he would have to apologise to Dumbledore later (as if he cared) - when James Kill-Joy Potter walked through the door and stared at him dumbfounded.

"What?" Lucius asked with a murderous look on his face.

"What happened?" James asked, stepping back a little.

Lucius frowned. "Why, why do you always have to answer a question with another?"

James took another step back. "I'm... sorry?" Lucius frowned even more. "It's just that you look... horrible."

"Horrible?" That was outrageous! He was Lucius Malfoy. There was nobody as elegant as him. His slender figure was never less than perfect. Potter was very brave - more likely stupid - to have said an offensive thing like that.

Lucius looked at himself in the mirror and gasped. The one staring back at him had to be someone else. He didn't have the same horrible bags under his eyes, nor that disarrayed hair. His eyes looked very frightening, too, like he was about to cast Avada Kedrava. No wonder James was afraid of him.

"I do look horrible!" Lucius was in a state of shock. "Oh, no! I'm already turning into someone... poor. Look at me!"

James found Lucius' horrified expression very amusing, but he didn't laugh. "What are you talking about?" James caught the letter Lucius had abandoned on the floor and read it. Lucius protested at that invasion of his privacy with no avail. James kept reading it while avoiding Lucius' attempts to take the letter out of his hands. "Holy Merlin! They didn't! Not now! We fought so hard in the past to confiscate your father's possessions, and now the Ministry finally did it. I should have been there!" James let it out without thinking.

Lucius was stunned by the lack of consideration. James didn't care at all about Lucius' suffering. He was only mad because he hadn't taken part in the raid to Malfoy Manor. The bloody bastard!

James shook his head, astonished. "Unbelievable. And they even confiscated your bank accounts! Oh, my. They're going to auction Malfoy Manor! I can't believe this. They left you with..."

"Nothing at all," Lucius completed, bitterly. "I'm poorer than Weasley now. At least Weasley has that awful house he calls Hole or something. Muggles call this divine justice, don't they?"

"I think wizards call it that, too. I know my father did." James put the letter aside. He couldn't help to think that deep down it served Lucius right to lose everything. But then again, Lucius seemed so sad and devastated that James just wanted to hug him.

He also thought that the Ministry was crossing the border of what was legal and what wasn't. If James understood the letter right, they had no right to confiscate Lucius' possessions. There hadn't been a trial for one thing. And although Lucius really had many illegal businesses, and he'd probably found many ways not to pay a single tax, there wasn't sufficient evidences against him. The Malfoys were always very slippery in those matters. James was torn by it all. On one hand, Lucius deserved what was coming to him because of his previous actions as a criminal. The biggest part of his fortune had been gained in an illegal way - that was a fact. For another, Lucius was now James' lover and he had changed a lot.

No matter what though, James knew that the Ministry wasn't the only one behind the raid. Fudge would never have enough courage to go against Lucius Malfoy alone, because Lucius knew too much about the corruption that went on in the Ministry. Lucius knew what went on behind the curtains of that fake respectability and morality. The real commander was probably Voldemort. Most members of the Order knew that Voldemort had been pulling the strings at the Ministry. Dumbledore was very worried about that, because if Voldemort succeeded in taking over the Ministry completely, then the world was doomed.

Lucius sat down on the bed, trying to keep the façade that his ancestors had praised so much, but failing miserably. He wasn't looking scary anymore but rather tired and depressed. James sat down next to him and took Lucius' hand in his, squeezing it.

"I'm sorry," James muttered. "I..."

"Oh, come on." Lucius stared at James. "I can't blame you for thinking that I deserve it, because I do. But it's just not something I can deal with right now. Not when Draco is away. My family name and reputation is all I have. I don't know what I am without it."

"I still have money," James pointed out, not sure if it was the right thingto say.

Lucius smirked. "And what's that supposed to mean? That I'm a gigolo now?"

James smiled. "I think it's a sexy idea."

"And I think you're a sick bastard!"

"Didn't your father own a brothel in Hogsmeade when he was alive?"

Lucius flushed slightly. "What's your point?"

"My point is that I find it very amusing when you suddenly try to be moralist, when I know you aren't! I thought you would like the idea." Lucius tried to push his hand away, but James squeezed it hard. "All right. I won't pay you for your services then." He smiled as he saw Lucius' irritated expression. "I'll lend you some money until you put your life on track."

"First of all, Potter, you can't afford me."

"I don't have to. I have you for free," James mocked.

Lucius twitched with anger. "I'm glad you find my situation so funny."

"Luc..."

"Listen, Potter. I know that my family deserves a very bad ending. Your first reaction to the letter was very... meaningful. I'm sure that many people are laughing at me. The Malfoy Family has had a very bad reputation for centuries. We built our empire in a very dishonest way. But that house has been my proud and joy ever since I was a little kid, and so is my name. The Malfoy name has always been feared and respected. My name is an extension of my soul. I don't want to lose it. I don't want to lose my house. It's all I've ever known."

"Listen to yourself, Lucius," James said angrily. "That house brought you nothing but pain, and so did your name. They are both symbols of how rotten your family was! Do you really want to hold on to such a thing? Besides, you can't possibly have good memories of that place."

Lucius turned his back to James, his hands shaking. He crossed his arms to hide them. James was right, but it was very hard to let go of a life style he had cherished so much. That was a world he was familiar with. It was very scary to lose everything he had possessed all of his life. He'd worked so hard to sustain that kind of life. He had sacrificed his heart to keep the game running.

"If the house is so important to you, I'm sure your lawyer will find a way to stop the Ministry's actions. After all, they aren't legal."

"I know, more than anyone else, that the line between what's legal and what's illegal is really thin."

"Then Draco will have everything. He's on Voldemort's side now. I'm sure Voldemort will try to win him over by giving him back the Malfoys' assets. He's trying to make your life a living hell because you've joined us, but he won't take it out on Draco."

"I wouldn't be so sure." Lucius shuddered at the thought of Voldemort hurting Draco.

"He won't hurt Draco because he needs your son."

"You're not making me feel any better."

"I didn't know I was supposed to do that."

Lucius shot him a deadly look. "You're a lousy lover."

"I'm just joking." He walked to Lucius and embraced him. Lucius' body stiffed at the first contact but then he relaxed. Involuntarily, he laid his head on James' shoulder, closing his eyes. "See? I can be a good lover. I can hold you like this. Does it make you feel better?"

Lucius pinched James. "Don't push it, Potter."

They only held each other for a long time. Lucius wasn't used to that kind of closeness, but he found it very soothing, so he took a while to let go.

"Luc?" James called softly.

"What?"

"I want to be your home."

Lucius' heart skipped a beat. He hated when James disarmed him like that. "I..." he began timidly. "I think... you already are. And I hope Voldemort never realises that. He took away my son, my name, my money... I'll kill him if he takes you away from me, too."

James couldn't believe his ears. It was very rare to hear things like that from Lucius. He held Lucius tightly.

"Oi, Potter. I think it's enough," Lucius said, pulling away before he could get too sentimental.

James rolled his eyes. "Why can't you stop calling me Potter? I thought we had passed that."

Lucius shrugged. "It's the force of habit."

"I think you do it to avoid what's going on between us."

"I object! I feel affronted by this. I'm not a coward."

James scowled. "I wouldn't be too sure..."

"Don't you have somewhere else to be??" Lucius asked, annoyed.

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. I came back to take a shower and go to the Ministry."

"Oh. Today is your coming out hearing, right?" James noticed the pun but just nodded. "Are you going to tell those bastards about me?"

"What exactly do you want me to say? That you're the one shagging me every night?"

"Haha. You're so bloody funny, but no, that was not what I meant."

James looked serious. "I know what you mean. But if I tell them about you now, it might work against us. I'm going there for Sirius. I need to clear his name. Dumbledore thinks we will face resistance. It'll be a shock to know that I'm alive. But at least Sirius will be free of charges."

"So you'd rather save your friend's butt instead of your evil lover?"

"If you want to put it that way..." James started undressing in front of Lucius, who turned around. James frowned. "Don't tell me you still feel awkward when I'm naked. Merlin! I never thought you were the kind of man who blushed over these things, Lucius. In fact, I never thought you blushed at all."

Lucius made a face. "I don't blush, Potter. I'm just not used to this... intimacy thing." James chuckled. "Why, you! My life is falling apart and yet you find everything amusing."

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah, sure." Lucius glared at James, who was now fully naked. He gulped. "You... huh... I mean..."

James smiled. "What?"

Lucius cleared his throat. He couldn't stop ogling James. "Your son... he looked weird today."

James nodded. He was worried about that, but Harry didn't want to talk to him about it. "Yes, I noticed it."

"Severus also looked weird, especially when he looked at Harry."

James frowned. He didn't like where the conversation was going. "What's your point?"

"My point? I don't have one. I'm just pointing out what I observed. I'm very good at reading people."

James scowled. "Is this your payback?"

"Maybe."

James walked towards Lucius. He had a dangerous look on his face. "You don't want to go down that road, Malfoy."

Lucius smirked, the sight of James' anger making him feel very aroused. Sex was the best way to get over his frustrations, so when James got closer, he pulled him against his body and kissed him hard. James instantly let himself go. He muttered against Lucius' lips that he would be late for his hearing, but Lucius didn't hear him. He dragged James to the bed so that his lover could make him forget about the world outside.

Clothes discarded, they began to move into the same rhythm. James didn't mind to be on the bottom as usual, but one day he would break into Lucius' restrictions and fears and he would be on top for a change. He wasn't surprised at how needy and savage Lucius was. James followed him with the same need. Finally, when their bodies cooled down and their hearts regained their normal pace, James got up and headed for the bathroom.

Lucius joined him a few minutes later.

"I thought you felt uncomfortable around me naked," James mocked.

Lucius watched the water running down James' body and he held the urge to lick his lips.

"And I said I..." Lucius' gaze fell upon James' hands that were erotically soaping his body. Lucius shivered from desire, and let out a very low moan.

"You were saying..."

Lucius didn't say anything. Instead, he kissed James. They loved each other again. Lucius still tried to control his desire for James, but it was becoming harder to resist. He left his body at James' mercy, and he loved every minute of it.

Finally, James dressed up in his best robe and got ready for his hearing.

"You look... good," Lucius said.

James smiled. "Just good? Do I at least look sane?"

"Why?"

"Because I'm afraid they'll claim that I'm mad. They won't be happy to see me, that's for sure. I survived the killing curse. Only Harry had done that. I think... they will judge that I'm not very clear in the head."

"Harry is normal, isn't he? Well, as normal as he can be..."

James sneered. "Aren't you adorable? Sticking up for me and my son..." A knock on the door interrupted them. James stared at Lucius. "This is it. I have to go now."

James looked at Lucius one last time before heading to the door.

"James?" Lucius called. James turned to face him. "How many men are going for your protection?"

James shrugged. "I don't know."

"Tell Dumbledore to take as many as he can. You'll be a target today. Voldemort won't miss this chance to get you."

"Are you worried about me?"

Lucius scowled. "No. I'm just asking you to be careful."

"I'm sure nothing will happen. There will be too many Aurors around."

"Even so..." Lucius didn't want to sound too anxious, but he couldn't help it.

"I'll be careful."

James gave him a smile before heading to the door again. Lucius wanted to make him stop. He wanted to tell him not to go, but he couldn't do that. He knew how much James praised his friends. James had been waiting restlessly for that day. Ever since he remembered Pettigrew's treachery, he wanted nothing but to clear out Sirius' name. So Lucius watched him go with his heart in his mouth.

TBC... very soon, I hope!