Take me Home

Ch. 14 - ONE MORE NIGHT

"Harry,

I know what you must be thinking, but you're wrong. I went to Voldemort not because I was forced to, but because I had to. By now everyone must have told you about what was really going on with me. It wasn't a regular poison set up to kill me. It was a poison to control me, to make me a puppet. I'm yet another plan of Voldemort to get to you.

I refuse to be the one to destroy you, and that's why I must go. If I stay, I'll hurt you more than I am now. I can't do that. I won't. I'll ask Blaise to come with me. He'll keep an eye on me. I know I'll become a heartless bastard again, but he'll make sure that I don't commit crimes that I won't be able to live with afterwards. He will also try to steal the book that has the cure for my problem. I hope he succeeds. I don't want to hate you forever. I don't want to cause you any pain.

So I ask you, please, don't try to find me. Don't come after me. Going away is the right thing to do. I hope we only meet again when I'm fine, but if we meet earlier, keep in mind that I won't be myself. I won't recognise you. That's why you have to stay away. Do this for me. I don't know what I'll be capable of doing. I don't want to know.

Let my father take care of things. Hopefully, there will be a cure for me, and we'll be able to be with each other again.

I love you. Never forget that.

Always yours,

Draco"

Harry crushed the letter in his hands, the same letter he had read a thousand times before. The idea that he was alone now, that Draco had abandoned him, couldn't leave his thoughts. His heart was aching painfully. He couldn't believe Draco had foreseen his own kidnapping and hadn't told him about it. Instead, Draco had trusted Blaise Zabini, a boy that had blackmailed him once.

Harry wasn't just mad at Draco. He was infuriated, jealous, heartbroken. Draco had chosen Zabini instead of him. But even though he felt like crying, he didn't shed a tear. He refused to let anyone see his pain; he refused to share it.

Harry couldn't understand Draco's plan of action. Did Draco really think he wouldn't go after him? Did his boyfriend know Harry so little? Harry's world without Draco was unthinkable. Harry couldn't go on without him. But it seemed as if Draco had chosen to be without Harry, and by his letter, he had done it without thinking twice.

The situation was a nightmare. Harry ran his fingers across his hair, messing it all up even more.

He was almost sure that Draco had gone with Alexis without putting up a fight because he wanted to play the hero. Draco had always been obsessed with the idea of beating Harry, and now he had his big chance. He could be famous. He could spy for the Order and become the hero instead of Harry. Or perhaps Harry was being too unfair, too bitter. Draco had no choice but to follow Alexis. Like he had written in the letter, he wouldn't be himself anymore. But so what? Harry had seen the worst of Draco once. Would this new Draco be more vicious than the Draco who used to make fun of him?

Either way, Harry was still mad and depressed, and those feelings couldn't let go of him. His father had tried to comfort him, but Harry didn't find comfort in anything. It wasn't as if James knew what he was doing anyway. Harry was happy that his father was finally awake, but the good news was soon oppressed by more bad news. Harry appreciated his father's efforts to cheer him up, but he just wanted to become numb. Perhaps then he could find some relief from his pain.

"Harry?" Hermione called from the door of his bedroom.

Harry quickly hid the letter inside a Quidditch book and looked at her with empty eyes. He didn't want her to catch him reading the same letter again. "What?"

Hermione had been walking on glass every time they talked. She never knew what to say to him, or how to behave. She knew Harry didn't want comforting words but plans to go after Draco. She had thought about it, but she couldn't come up with anything. Harry wasn't supposed to leave the castle now that Voldemort had declared open war, and everyone was keeping a strict vigilance on him. What was a girl to do?

She did notice something, and she hoped that what she had to say to Harry would help him ease his pain a little bit.

"Have you seen Seamus?" she asked.

Harry shook his head, worried. "No. Why? Is there something wrong?"

She smiled sadly. Boys didn't pay attention to anything. "Haven't you noticed? He isn't eating, and I bet he isn't sleeping either. He's as sad as you, because Blaise left with Draco. Draco left you a letter, but Blaise left without a word. Seamus thinks Blaise went to join Voldemort because he really wants to be a Death Eater. He doesn't know Blaise only wants to help Draco."

Harry gulped and looked the other way. He didn't know Seamus was suffering that much. He had been too worried about his own feelings to care about anyone else's.

"Did you tell him that Blaise isn't a bad guy?" Harry said, and his voice didn't hide its bitterness. "Did you tell him that Blaise is the hero now?"

"I didn't tell him anything. If Blaise didn't tell him, then I figure that he doesn't want Seamus to know the truth. But... I feel sorry for him. It's so sad to watch. Seamus really likes Blaise. It isn't fair to let him think that Blaise was only deluding him."

"Then you should tell him the truth. Why should we care about Blaise Zabini anyway? We don't really know for sure that he left because he wanted to help Draco, right? Maybe he wants to be a Death Eater! It's possible, isn't? He wasn't a nice guy."

Hermione sighed. She understood Harry's feelings, but she couldn't let her friend be blinded by his jealousy.

"Don't be a twit, Harry. Stop looking at your gloomy little world and start seeing the big picture! He didn't leave because he wanted to. He left because Draco asked him to. He was very brave, actually. He could have refused, but he didn't. He faced the challenge."

"And how is that supposed to make me feel better?" Harry asked, furious. "What you just said only proves that Blaise was in love with Draco all along, and that Draco trusted him more than me! They were in love with each other. Great! I have the right to be upset! Whose friend are you anyway?"

Hermione didn't lose her calm posture. She kept looking at Harry as if she was dealing with a child. "They are not in love, Harry. They are friends. I know you don't believe this, because you just know the wicked part of Blaise. But Draco and Blaise were friends before. Blaise still cares for Draco, and I believe Draco still likes him in a friendly way. Ron would have followed you if you had asked him to join Voldemort, because he's your friend, and this friendship is very important to him. I'd have been mad, too, but I'd have understood." She arched an eyebrow. "Actually, I'd have gone, too."

"You're forgetting that Ron isn't a bastard like Zabini."

Hermione sat down on Harry's bed. "Draco told me a little about his friendship with Zabini. They were more or less like you and Ron. They had to part because Lucius Malfoy thought it was the best for Draco. Zabini was poor and his father was a drunken thief. You know Lucius. He didn't care much about the thief part, but he did care about the lack of money. I don't know Zabini. I don't know if he really is going to help Draco. But... I hope he does. Draco put his life in Zabini's hands."

Harry sneered. "One more thing to make me feel overwhelmed. Thanks a lot, Hermione. It's such a wonderful thing to know that your boyfriend put his life in someone else's hands! Even better, he told you things he never told me!"

"Oh, stop being a cry-baby, Harry!" she said, irritated this time. Being nice to Harry wasn't working; it was time for her to be firmer. "This isn't the time for you to sulk. It's time for you to fight! The war is upon us! The Daily Prophet is publishing nothing but nasty predictions for our horrible future, if we're going to have a future, that is. Everybody is counting on you, Harry. You can't be like this."

"What a bunch of crap! FUCK EVERYBODY! Tell them to count on someone else, because this hero isn't a hero at all! Draco will be the hero this time, if he and his new lover manage to find the bloody cure. I'm tired of people telling me what to do! I want to be upset! I have the right to! I don't want to fight. Everyone thinks they know what's best for me. Dumbledore knew Alex wasn't to be trusted but he let him stay! He knew Alex was going to kidnap Draco, and he didn't do anything! I don't understand a thing anymore, and I don't really want to! I'm tired of this world. I'm tired of being everybody's puppet."

Harry directed his back to her, his breath unsteady. She had never seen Harry so nervous before, and it scared her.

"I don't understand Dumbledore's reasons, either, but..." She stood next to Harry, tired. "We can't give up. If we do, Voldemort wins. You shouldn't be so out-of-control, because Voldemort will find a way to possess you again. He already broke into your mind once. You don't want him in your mind again, do you? Besides, you need to be strong for Draco. He's counting on you."

"He's counting on Zabini, not me," Harry said, letting his suffering show for the first time since Draco was gone.

"I don't know if Draco did the right thing, but he thought he was doing what was best for you. He's trying to protect you. He loves you, Harry. Think about that. He even stood up against his father to be with you. Do you really feel that he doesn't love you?"

Hermione's words brought back many memories of him and Draco together. He remembered their first kiss and how Draco had made him feel. He remembered their first night, when Draco stripped naked for him and then made Harry do the same. The taste of Draco was still on his lips. There was the time Draco sang to him on his birthday, which happened to be on the same day as Draco's. Harry found that amazing and more than just coincidence. It was the proof that they were meant to be.

All those memories made him realise that he was being immature. Instead of sulking, he should be looking for ways to break Draco free from the potion's evil influence.

"You're right. We need to find a way to bring Draco back. Even... even if he forgot about what we've been through together, I didn't," Harry said with emotion. "I can't let those memories die. I have to keep them burning. I need to be strong... for him. I love him. That's what matters, right? Even if he hid things from me, even if he was stupid and trusted someone like Zabini, I can't give up."

Hermione smiled and hugged Harry. "That's the Harry I know. We'll find a way to bring him back. Draco was smart by taking Zabini with him, Harry." Harry looked at her angrily and she added, "I mean Zabini is the perfect Slytherin. He knows how to hide his feelings very well. He'll be perfect for what Draco has in mind."

"Maybe you're right."

"Since we cleared that up, go to Seamus. He needs someone to comfort him."

Harry looked surprised. "Me?"

"Yes. His boyfriend left with yours, right?"

Harry made a face. "You really know just the right words to cheer me up, Hermione."

She rolled her eyes. "I'm just saying that Seamus needs a friend."

"I don't know where he is."

She frowned. "You have a bloody enchanted map, don't you?"

Harry bit his lips. "Oh, right."

"You shouldn't worry about being without Draco, Harry. You should worry about being without me," she said with her know-it-all tone of voice. "Frankly, I don't know how you and Ron handled things before I came along."

Harry smiled openly for the first time since Draco had been taken away, and he kissed Hermione's forehead, making her flush. "Thanks, 'Mione."

She just made a gesture with her hands, too touched to say anything.

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Harry found Seamus close to the Quidditch pitch, sitting on the grass with his head leaned against a big tree. He seemed absent-minded and sad. Harry twitched his hands nervously, trying to think of something to say. It was impossible for Seamus not to have noticed Harry's presence by now, but the boy hadn't turned his head to greet him. Harry understood the feeling, because he was feeling the same. He knew Seamus didn't want to talk. The boy was too mad, too hurt.

"Seamus?"

Seamus didn't move or open his mouth. Harry sat down by his side and tried again. This time Seamus looked at him, but his eyes were blank.

"Are you ok?" It was a stupid thing to ask, but Harry didn't know what to say.

Seamus just nodded and his eyes focused on the sky again. Harry sighed.

"Zabini-"

"Don't talk about that traitor," Seamus cut him off coldly.

He had never seen Seamus acting that way. Seamus was always bright and happy. It was very hard to dampen his carefree spirit. He wasn't just angry like Harry. It was more than that. Seamus was sad, but also disillusioned. It was as if hope had abandoned him completely. At least Draco had left him a letter; Zabini hadn't said anything to Seamus. Harry didn't know Zabini's reasons, and he felt no sympathy for him, but Seamus was his friend. He couldn't stand to see him suffering like that for a person like Blaise Zabini.

"Zabini... He went with Draco because... Draco asked him to. Hermione thinks Draco chose Zabini because he's a true Slytherin, and he'll be a good spy," Harry said in a low tone of voice, biting his lower lip. "I don't know what they plan to do, but I just thought you should know that Zabini... He went because Draco asked him."

It wasn't the right thing to say, Harry knew it. He had said in such a way that it seemed as if Zabini was Draco's lap dog, and he would do whatever Draco told him to do. Deep down, Harry thought exactly that, but he was there to comfort Seamus, not make him even angrier and sad.

Seamus turned his eyes on him again. "What are you saying?"

"I don't know." Harry looked up to the sky he loved so much, the same sky that had welcomed him so many times before; the same sky that had given him peace of mind. "Draco has been poisoned with a controlling poison. He'd foreseen his own kidnapping, and so he asked Zabini to come along when the time came. I guess... Zabini didn't have time to leave you a note. Draco must have caught him by surprise. Or maybe... I don't know. Zabini doesn't seem like the kind of guy who likes to write love letters, or any letter for that matter. I don't know why he didn't write you, but... I wanted you to know that he didn't leave because he wanted to."

Harry wasn't so sure about that either, and once again he felt as if he had said the wrong thing. He shouldn't have come. Hermione was fit for this kind of situation, not him. If truth be told, he just wanted to go back to his room and sulk.

The corner of Seamus' lips lifted a little, but his eyes were sad when he said, "Yes, he did. Even if it was Draco who asked him to go, he could have refused. He didn't. Do you know why? Because he loves Draco. I'm not just mad at him because he joined You-Know-Who. I'm mad because I think he joined You-Know-Who just to be near Draco, and now I know for sure." Seamus shut his eyes tightly to prevent his tears from falling. "Everything was just an illusion. Our love was an illusion..." He opened his eyes, which shone brightly from the unshed tears, and stared at Harry. "You're right about him. He isn't the type to write letters. I didn't expect him to leave me anything. But I'm glad that Draco left you something, Harry. Even if it seems like they ran off together and left us alone..."

Harry hated to hear that. Seamus' words stung him painfully. He knew they weren't true. He knew Draco didn't really have a choice. But he still couldn't cope with the fact that Draco had chosen Zabini of all people to help him.

"Listen, Seamus..."

"Will you be with me, Harry?"

Harry looked at him stunned. He didn't quite get what Seamus meant by that. "What?"

"I don't want to be alone tonight. Will you sleep with me?"

Just like that. That was the Seamus that Harry knew so well, so straightforward. Seamus had such a cute expression on his face that Harry felt tempted to accept his offer.

Harry gulped. "Seamus... I couldn't."

"Aren't you mad at them?"

"Yes, but..."

Seamus smiled feebly, his eyes brightening up a little. "I'm not asking you to have sex with me, you know? I'm just asking you to keep me company tonight. We'll just be two friends comforting each other."

"Oh."

Even so, Harry thought it wasn't a good idea. Perhaps Seamus meant exactly that, but Harry knew better. In the dead of the night, they would be alone and near each other's warmth. They'd remember their lovers and how much they had hurt them. Then their bodies would seek one another, and then it would be their downfall. Harry couldn't let that happen. He still remembered Seamus' kiss. Seamus had kissed him the same night Harry and Draco had made love for the first time. It wasn't the same as Draco's, but it was enough to make Harry want more.

He sighed heavily. "I can't."

Seamus wrapped his arms around his knees and looked down. "I don't want to be alone. It doesn't matter what his reasons were, he should have told me about them. He should have thought about me. He didn't care. He never cared..."

What could Harry say to him? He didn't know if Zabini had ever cared for someone in his life.

"I believed him when he said he would never join You-Know-Who. Just one word from Draco and he broke his promise to me. That's what hurts the most. I believed him, and he betrayed me like this. I don't care if he went just to help Draco. He went, and that's it. And now I'm alone... I don't know what's going to happen to him, to us. I'm afraid that he won't come back, and I'll never get the chance to be mad at him for lying to me. I fear that he'll die, and I'll never get the chance to forgive him, and hold him in my arms, and kiss him..."

Seamus couldn't hold his tears any longer. Harry was at the edge himself, but he held himself in check. Instead of crying, he held Seamus tightly in his arms. The other boy rested his head against Harry's shoulder and wept while Harry stroked his back and his hair and whispered calm things in his ears.

"I think," Harry began softly, trying to placate his and Seamus' sadness. "I think they left to be heroes. They left to protect us, to save us. Knowing Draco, he'll succeed, and they'll come back to us bragging about their victories. And we'll welcome them, and praise them, because in the end they'll be heroes for real. And in the end, we'll still love them just the same."

Seamus lifted his head a little bit, his mouth inches away from Harry's. "And then we'll hit them for their stupidity."

Harry smiled weakly. " Definitely."

"You're sweet, Harry." Seamus stroked Harry's face, and Harry wiped his tears away. "I do want to believe you, but... I have a horrible feeling..."

"I believe they'll come back. If they don't, we'll go after them," Harry said resolutely. "And then we'll have our way with them."

Seamus rested his head on Harry's shoulder again. "I hope you're right..."

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Hermione found Ron alone in the Gryffindor Common Room. He seemed deep in thought, and in spite of everything that was going on, she stopped to admire him. He had lost most of his boyish features and was becoming a very handsome man. It wasn't just his appearance that was changing. Ron was also becoming more aware of the things around him. Once he had just cared about his own world. Now he was behaving more like an adult. He understood that Hermione was different from the other girls he used to date, and he had stopped pressuring her for them to have sex. Instead, he was actually paying more attention to her and not just to her body.

It was because of the way he started to look at her - like he was actually seeing her for the first time - that she had fallen in love with him all over again.

"Oi, Hermione!" He said, frowning. "What's up with you? Why are you staring at me like that? I didn't do anything, did I? I don't remember doing anything to bother you..." He stood up quickly all of a sudden and came to rest next to her. "Did something happen to Harry? Did he do anything stupid?"

She shook her head. "No, he's with Seamus."

"You left him alone with Seamus?" Ron asked with his eyes wide.

Hermione couldn't understand what the big deal was. "Yes, they are alone. I told Harry that Seam needed a friend and he went to find him."

Ron couldn't believe her words. He shook his head and then smiled amusedly.

"What?" she asked, upset. "What's wrong with it?"

"And I'm the one who knows nothing about relationships..."

She crossed her arms. "What do you mean by that?"

Ron smiled. "Honey, their boyfriends just took off together. The first thing a guy wants to do when something like that happens is to get laid and forget about it. You know, get even. Harry wouldn't think about it, but Seamus... Seamus is a whole different story. He'll seduce Harry."

"He will not!" Hermione exclaimed, shocked. "They are hurt."

"Just because they're gay, doesn't mean they will behave like girls."

She rolled her eyes. "Like you would know what girls do in a situation like that."

"I have a sister. I know what Ginny is like when she's depressed. She grabs a pint of ice-cream and eats all of it. Then..."

"Then her smart friends come along; they talk and she realises how stupid she's being, so she put on her best dress and goes out to start all over again," Hermione finished.

Ron frowned. "That wasn't what happened."

"Are you sure?" Hermione asked sweetly.

He frowned even more. "Were you one of her smart girlfriends?"

She smiled mysteriously, but didn't answer him. "Look, Ron, I just thought Seam needed someone like Harry to comfort him. I don't think they will turn to each other for more than that."

"You really don't know anything about guys..."

"I don't like where this is going," she said with a frown.

"All right. It doesn't really matter. It's their lives, right? Perhaps what Harry really needs is a good shag. I never approved of his relationship with Ferret boy in the first place. Seamus is better, even if he is too noisy..." Hermione shot him a look of disapproval and he sighed. "Why are you looking at me like that? I'm only telling you what I think. I never liked Malfoy. I won't pretend now. He left with Blaise Zabini!"

"He didn't exactly have a choice."

"He didn't need to take Zabini with him."

"You don't know what happened, Ron."

"You should be defending Harry, not Malfoy."

"I can't help it. I've learned to like Draco. He's very charming."

Ron grunted with jealousy, but what he said next surprised her. "I don't like Malfoy, but I've been thinking... When he told us he wouldn't hurt Harry, I believed him. So I really think he went away to avoid that. I don't know if it was a good idea, but the fact is that he did it, whether we like it or not. And Zabini... Zabini just went along because no one will notice him. He'll make a good Death Eater, if it's fake. Seamus shouldn't worry so much. I think the reason why Zabini didn't talk to him before leaving was because he wanted to protect Seamus. We all know Seamus' family is one of You-Know-Who's targets. If Zabini told Seamus about his plans, Seamus would be in danger. He would know too much, if you know what I mean."

Hermione's mouth hung open for a long time. "Why, Ron. I never thought you had it in you."

"What?"

"I never knew you were so sensitive towards others. I never thought you cared about the matters of the heart."

He turned bright red. "It isn't funny, you know. I have feelings, too."

She smiled and came to rest next to him. "I know." She laid her head on his shoulder and enlaced his waist.

They stayed that way for a long time, each lost in their own thoughts, until Ron broke the silence, "I received the famous invitation letter to become a Death Eater."

He had spoken in such a low voice that she wondered if she had heard him right. She didn't dare to say anything. Chills of fear ran down her spine, and she had a real glimpse of Harry's feelings. She wanted to throw a fit, but somehow she held herself in check. He hadn't finished talking yet.

"I actually thought about accepting it..."

"Ron!" she let it out, lifting her head to look into his eyes.

"... because I wanted to spy for the Order," he went on. "But there are too many people spying for them already. They don't need a clumsy fellow like me. Besides, my mother would throw a fit if I went. She's too worried already with my other brothers. Bill and Charlie are working for the Order, and Fred and George are desperate to work undercover, too." He stared at her and stroked her face softly. "And I couldn't leave you. I want to be here to protect you. I know your family is in danger. You are in danger. I won't leave your side no matter what. Malfoy and Zabini had their reasons for leaving, but my place is beside you."

It seemed as if something was stuck in her throat, and she couldn't let out what she was feeling. She just hugged him tightly instead, glad that he had decided to stay because of her. Everyone thought Ron was shallow, but there was more to him than meets the eye. He had a big heart, and that was why she loved him so much. She kissed him softly, and rested her forehead on his.

"I love you, Ron," she whispered, flushing.

"Just because I'm your knight?" he joked to hide his timidity.

"Don't push it," she said seriously.

He smiled. "Ok."

They kissed, as the time went by, his hands became bolder. He caressed her nipples, making her shiver. She could feel his arousal under his trousers, rubbing against her. She held his hand before it went any further and put some distance between them.

"You don't really expect me to have sex in the common room, do you?" she asked.

"Does that mean we can have sex somewhere else?" he asked full of hope.

She smiled sweetly. "Maybe."

He beamed with excitement. "Really? Then we can go to my room." He kissed her and led her to the stairs. They sat on his bed, and his eager caresses started again. "What made you change your mind? Wait, don't tell me," he whispered, kissing along her jaw. "It's because of what I said, isn't it? You don't want to lose me. You're afraid, so you thought we should do it before it's too late, right?"

She clutched her fist on the pillow and threw it at his head. Then she headed for the door fuming.

"Wait!" he exclaimed. "Where are you going?"

"When you learn to be romantic, you can come and see me. But until then, don't even bother," she said angrily, slamming the door on her way out.

He fell down on the bed, frustrated, and muttered, "Women... I'll never get them..."

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Things would never be easy for Lucius, and perhaps that was what Muggles called divine justice. He deserved everything that was heading his way because of his past actions. There would always be something blocking his way to full happiness. He and James hadn't solved all of their problems yet, but they were almost there.

James was acting so amorous and lovely around him that the thought of leaving now broke Lucius' heart. But what could he do? He had to go after Draco. He couldn't leave his son alone in a time like this. Draco was counting on him, and for the first time Lucius wanted to do things right and be a real hero for his son.

He would have to ask for Voldemort's mercy, and he knew it would be difficult. If Lucius managed to gain a second chance, then he would have to face all sorts of cruel punishments, and he'd have to endure them all. He was counting on Draco to make Voldemort accept him back, even though his son wouldn't be himself anymore. It was a shot in the dark, and he would have to face it for his son. After all, Draco was in that situation because of him. Wasn't that what Narcissa said - no, shouted - to him? She blamed Lucius for everything. Lucius was never a good father. He allowed Voldemort to control their son and take him away. Lucius shouted at her, too. Where was she when everything happened? She had left her son to be with a criminal. She wasn't a good mother, either. They threw accusations at each other for a long time, until they realised it was useless to fight. They were both to blame, and it wasn't fair for Draco to pay for their sins. Lucius should go and save their son. Only then could his soul rest in peace.

"You sound like you're already dead," Narcissa had said to him.

"Maybe I am. Or will be. I don't know what Lord Voldemort will do to me."

She hadn't replied or said anything, but he saw compassion in her eyes for the first time. She didn't like him, but she knew how difficult his mission was, and that he might not come back from it alive. Throughout their marriage, she had wished his death many times, but now she pitied him. Lucius was never a happy man. He had only met suffering and pain in his life.

One week after Draco's kidnapping and Lucius was ready to leave Hogwarts - where he had been staying since the day he had performed the incantation that had united James' lost soul. He'd have to go to Hogsmeade and Apparate from there to a place near Voldemort's fortress. If truth be told, he was scared. He knew Voldemort wouldn't receive him with a welcome party. But for his son, he'd endure everything that was coming his way. It was time for him to stop being so selfish. So far he'd only thought about his welfare. Not anymore. This time he would do something good with his life once and for all.

He put on his cloak and was about to leave his room when James entered. Lucius felt uneasy. They hadn't been alone ever since James had awakened. It wasn't as if Lucius didn't want to be alone with him. In fact, he'd desperately needed the comfort of James' body. But he didn't know how James felt about it, even if the brunette was treating him a lot better. He didn't want to risk another rejection. He also couldn't help the thought that the entire situation was making him a pathetic sentimental man. It was a tragedy.

James' gaze pierced through him but he didn't look away. He wasn't that kind of man.

"Where are you going?" James asked, blocking the door.

"Out," Lucius answered, feeling chills down his spine. He didn't like the way James was looking at him. "You're in my way."

James raised an eyebrow. "Out you say. But that wasn't what I asked. Where are you going?"

"Does it matter?"

"How can you even ask that?" James sneered. "I do enjoy our cat-mouse game, but not today. You have been avoiding me and I don't know why. I thought-"

"Avoiding you?" Lucius smirked. "I don't even have time to think about you. I already set your soul free from Lord Voldemort. You don't need me anymore. My only concern now is Draco. I'm sure you can understand that."

James clutched his fists. "I understand a lot of things."

Lucius swallowed hard. "Good. You aren't as dumb as I thought. Now, let me pass."

James crossed his arms and didn't leave his spot. "I still have a lot to say."

"Then you'll have to wait. I have to go." Lucius tried to pass but James didn't let him. "Potter, don't put my patience to the test. You won't like the results."

James got closer to Lucius, who flinched. James' eyes looked dangerous. He grabbed Lucius' arms and pinned them on the wall. Lucius couldn't help the feeling of arousal that ran through his body. Their eyes didn't leave one another. Their lips were almost touching. Lucius could feel James' strong desire for him in every pore.

"We'll settle this once and for all," James muttered against Lucius' mouth.

Lucius smirked. "Now you tell me, and now it's not the time. As usual, you're terribly late."

"You won't leave this room. I'll keep you here even if I have to tie you up."

Lucius felt his pleasure growing at those words. "I always knew you liked it rough."

"I'm serious, Lucius. I won't let you go to Voldemort!" James said seriously. "It's a stupid idea. You'll help Draco more if you stay here. After all, if you go to Voldemort as you plan, you'll be killed. I can't let you do that to yourself. I can't let you risk your life."

Lucius was taken aback for a moment, and he pulled away from James. "How did you know? Did my sweet wife tell you? That..."

"No. Narcissa is being very loyal to you, God knows why. She didn't tell me anything. I know you. It only took one glance to realise what you were planning to do. I saw the determination in your eyes. But after everything, I can't lose you. Not now!"

Lucius flinched. He wasn't the only one with a strong will in this room.

"This has nothing to do with you," he said quietly.

"Stop denying the obvious!" James shouted. "We belong to each other. What you do has everything to do with me!"

"Don't talk nonsense! You couldn't bear to be near me. You were the one who denied what was going on between us. And now..."

"Now I finally woke up and see what's really important in this life. I let you go once, but not this time."

"Go to hell, Potter! You can't hold me here. I'll hurt you if you don't get out of my way!"

"You know you're going into a suicidal mission! He'll kill you! He won't show you any mercy. Do you really think Voldemort will forgive you? He's a monster! He'll probably order Draco to finish you off. Is that what you want? Do you want to place such a burden upon Draco's shoulders?"

"Of course not, but what choice do I have?" Lucius bellowed. "I let him down so many times! I can't abandon him now, not when he needs me the most! Think about Harry and you'll understand what I'm talking about. If it was Harry in Draco's place, would you leave him alone?"

"I understand what you're trying to do, Lucius. I really do. But letting yourself get killed is not the answer. He needs you alive. Your sacrifice won't help him at all. This isn't the best way for you to expiate your sins."

Lucius was stunned by James' words. He didn't think James knew him that much. He turned to the window and looked up at the night sky.

"This is my destiny," he muttered.

James stood next to him. "Don't be ridiculous."

"Can't you see, James? I have to go."

James shook his head and held Lucius tightly. "No, you don't. I can't lose you again. I won't."

James kissed him fiercely and Lucius tasted James' tears on his lips. He decided then that that was the right moment for them to finally surrender into each others' arms. Lucius was determined to go, so he should enjoy that night beside James. It could be their last. When he walked out of the door, he might never see James again.

He felt tears in his eyes and he returned James' kiss with the same intensity. That would be it. Just one more night.

James laid him down on the bed and stripped them both. It was the first time James was taking the lead, and even though Lucius was trembling, it felt good. He shut his eyes tightly when James' mouth went down on him. He smiled at James' clumsiness, and James sulked.

"What did you expect? This is the first time I've had sex in years..."

Lucius smiled. "I'm not complaining. I just... I can tell you what to do, if you don't mind."

Even though it sounded like an order, James couldn't resist Lucius' smile. It was so rare to see it.

"I don't mind," James muttered.

Lucius caught James' hand and put it on his cock. With Lucius guidance, James caressed him, first with his hands, then with his tongue. He swirled his wet tongue around the tip of Lucius dripping cock and then engulfed it slowly. The smell of the pre-cum was driving him insane.

"If you don't stop I'll cum," Lucius warned him.

"I don't mind," James said, his eyes lost in a daze.

"It's just that..." Lucius seemed to be embarrassed about something. "I'm not a teenager anymore. I haven't done this in a long time either, so... I don't know..."

"If it will stir up again?" James said playfully.

"It isn't funny," Lucius replied, upset.

"I said I didn't mind."

"But I do!" Because if it was their last night together, Lucius wanted it to be memorable.

"Do you want us to cum together?" James asked.

Lucius flushed. "Potter, you're so..."

James smiled. "It's very romantic!"

"Don't start!"

"Or perhaps you're worried because you want to cum inside me. Am I right?"

Lucius shrugged, terribly embarrassed. Since when was James this bold during sex?

"What the hell did you do on that island?" he asked James.

James grinned even more. "Not much, really. There aren't many people living there. I spent most of my days at the beach, or helping the locals." James kissed Lucius and said carefully, "The few times we had sex, you were always on top. Do you mind if we switch today?"

Lucius opened his eyes wide. That was something unexpected. "I..."

"I promise I won't hurt you."

Lucius tried to sit down but James didn't let him. "Tell me what's bothering you."

"No. This is getting ridiculous," Lucius said, annoyed.

"Just tell me, Luc."

One look was enough for Lucius to realise that James knew exactly what was bothering him. Lucius wondered when James became such a specialist on his problems. It annoyed him to no end the way James knew what was deep inside his heart.

"It's... my father," Lucius muttered. "I don't know... if I can do this."

He was afraid of being haunted by the bad memories of the past, when his father used to abuse him.

"I understand," James whispered, caressing Lucius face tenderly.

"You seem to understand me a lot," Lucius smirked.

James didn't say anything. He just lay down on his back and looked at Lucius invitingly.

Lucius frowned. "What?"

"If you're not ready to switch, then take me."

"You sound like a whore."

James leaned on his elbow and raised an eyebrow. "Do you want us to do it or what?"

Lucius smiled mischievously. "It's the habit, you know? I can't seem to stop arguing with you."

James grinned. "You're such a bastard."

They kissed, and Lucius placed himself on top of James this time. His tenseness decreased now that he was in charge and he could set the pace. He worked on James' body slowly. He didn't want their love act to be rushed like it had been before. He wanted James' delicious body printed on him like a second skin. His tongue found its way into James' warm hole.

James trembled at the sudden invasion in such a place. He felt disgusted at first, but the pleasure soon took over his being, and he moaned loudly, giving in to those wonderful feelings. He felt very close to the edge, and he begged Lucius to stop.

"What? Don't you like it?" Lucius asked hoarsely.

"It's exactly the opposite. If you keep doing that, I won't be able to hold myself, and I want..."

"To cum with me inside you?" Lucius suggested playfully. "How romantic of you."

James bit his lips. "Shut up and fuck me already."

Lucius looked around in search for his wand and found it on the floor inside his clothes. He couldn't wait any longer. James looked beautiful spread on the bed like that, with a lustful expression on his face, just waiting for Lucius to take him. It was the most erotic vision of his life.

He muttered the lubrication spell and prepared James' entrance with his fingers. James bucked his hips up and down, and bit his own lip hard when Lucius' cock finally penetrated him. They didn't move for a while. They wanted that feeling to last forever. Lucius slowly moved inside James, and James got on his fours to stroke himself.

The movements accelerated, and the sweat covered their bodies. With a harder movement, Lucius came inside James, releasing himself inside his lover. James came a few minutes later. They lay side by side, exhausted, and Lucius embraced James from behind. James smiled at the sudden display of affection.

James enlaced his fingers with Lucius' and said in a pleading tone, "Please, don't go anywhere, Luc. It was so hard for us to finally be together... I don't want to lose you."

Lucius didn't answer him. He stayed in silence, lost in his own thoughts. He didn't want to go, but he had to.

"Please, Luc."

Lucius only closed his eyes. When James was sleeping deeply, Lucius crawled out of bed, gathered his clothes and placed a soft kiss on James' lips, muttering, "If we never see each other again, I love you. I never stopped loving you."

He didn't see James' silent tears as he walked out of the door.

---------------------------------

Narcissa watched Lucius vanishing away into the misty night, and for the first time in her life she felt sorry for him. She knew his task was difficult, but like him, she couldn't find any other way to protect her son. Lucius would know what to do. He had grown up in that environment after all. He would find a way to make Voldemort accept him. He was a Malfoy. He was born able to deceive. It was his trademark.

"He really went," said Sirius behind her.

She turned around to face him and nodded. "Yes."

"Do you really think it is better this way? I mean, there are many spies in Voldemort's fortress."

And Remus was one of them. Sirius didn't mention his name, but it was implicit in his words. She felt angry, but also sad. Her instincts had been telling her that Sirius didn't love her as he used to, that his heart was divided between her and his childhood friend. She also knew, deep inside of her, that something had happened between Sirius and Remus, but she didn't want to ask him. She had her own problems to deal with. Her son was her priority.

"There are too many spies... Some of them will be caught," she said. "I think Remus..."

"Remus will be all right," he said firmly. "He's a werewolf."

She frowned. "He's too kind to be a spy. Voldemort will see right through him."

"Don't say that! No one will suspect him."

"But Sirius... Pettigrew is there. He won't be so happy to see Remus. Don't you think he'll suspect something? Don't you think he'll poison Voldemort against Remus?"

He turned his back on her, upset. "What do you want me to do? I cursed him already for being so damn stupid! Even I suspect him! He went with that Alex Lestrange, and that bloke was no good. I don't know what he was thinking..."

"Don't you?"

Sirius closed his eyes, hurt. He was afraid that Remus had gone away because of him. He regretted his coldness towards Remus. But if he could go back in time, he would have done the same. He was a coward when it came to his feelings towards Remus. He remembered how angry he had been when he had seen Remus kissing another boy, and how fast his feelings had switched to Narcissa instead. He was never able to admit what he really felt for Remus. He was still torn.

He looked at Narcissa and saw her sad face. He hugged her. "We'll rescue Draco."

She pulled away softly and said, "I'm not just sad because of Draco. I'm sad because of you. You're so blind..."

"What do you mean?"

"Don't you think it's time for you to admit what you really feel?"

He crossed his arms. "I don't understand."

"You're a smart man, Sirius. You'll figure it out. He isn't fragile, but he has this kindness in his eyes that he can't hide. He might die. And I have the feeling that he only went away because of you. He's waiting for you."

His eyes flinched, and he felt a pang in his heart. "I love you."

"I know you do. But you also love him. You loved him long before you loved me."

"Sissy..."

She shushed him and kissed him gently on the lips. "All I want now is my son's safety. Draco is the most important person in my life. Who's the most important person in yours, Sirius? I'm only mad at you now because you're being a coward and choosing the easy way out. This isn't you."

He stood in the same spot she had left him for many hours, lost in endless memories about Remus and him. His heart bled, because he still didn't know what to do to bring Remus back to him.

----------------------------------

"Wait up!"

Lucius was almost in Hogsmeade when he heard the familiar voice shouting for him. He thought he was seeing an illusion, but the James who stopped next to him, out of breath and tired, was very real.

"James, what...?"

"If you go, I'll go with you!" James said determinately.

"Are you mad?"

"Yes. I was mad when I fell in love with you, wasn't I? Did you really think I'd let you go after you told me you love me?"

Lucius flushed. "You heard me..."

"Yes, I heard you."

"Sneaky bastard! You were awake!"

"Yes, and I decided right then and there that if you have to go, I'll go with you."

"You can't," Lucius said, horrified. "I can still put on a show, but you... He'll kill you for sure."

"I can't be away from you."

"You lived without me all this time..."

"No, I didn't. I wasn't really alive, remember? I was numb. You were the one who rescued my soul."

Lucius sighed. "Don't be sappy..." But James' words were making his cold heart melt.

"Stay with me."

"We had this conversation before!" Lucius exclaimed, upset.

"No, we didn't!"

"It's Draco, James. It's my son. I need to know what Voldemort is planning for him. If it was Harry, you wouldn't be having this conversation with me either. You'd be long gone."

"Then take me with you. Offer me to them. This way Voldemort will forgive you for sure. You can tell him you were only deceiving Dumbledore in order to get me to him."

Lucius shook his head. "Even if he bought that, I couldn't do this to you."

"He won't kill me right away. He needs me to lure Harry."

Lucius stared at him, stunned. "Who's the Slytherin here?"

"Take me with you."

"NO!"

"You're a Slytherin, remember?"

"But I won't do this. I won't risk your life. Maybe... maybe I would have done something like this before. But now... You'd be a distraction. My thoughts would be on you, and he'd notice it. I can't take you. I won't. It's too risky."

"Then stay. We can think of something else. Remus is there, and I heard there's a friend of Draco with him. You can find out about Voldemort's plans without having to ask him directly. You have contacts, don't you? You know a lot of people by his side who would betray him for a few galleons. There's another way, Lucius. You don't have to sacrifice yourself."

It was a good idea. Lucius did know at least two or three of his ex-Death Eater's pals who would sell him information about Voldemort. It'd still be risky, but he knew how to defend himself from those guys. And by the look of things, James would be his backup whether he wanted it or not.

"I suppose I can think about it..." he said.

James hugged him tightly. "So you're staying."

"For the moment," Lucius said, wrapping his arms around James' waist. "You're really annoying."

James smiled. "I'm just a man in love."

"Just shut up..." Lucius pushed James away but smiled at him.

They went back to the castle together, making plans for their next step. Lucius was touched by James' worry for him. For the first time in his life, he felt loved, and it was a wonderful feeling. He smiled, thinking that he would have more than just one night with James now. They would share every night together.

TBC

A/N: The title screams: Phil Collins. I love his song One More Night.