Take me Home

Chap. 11 - DEVOTION

It had all happened very fast. One minute Sirius was fighting like a maniac with Pettigrew and in the next the little chubby man had hit him with the Cruciatus curse. Remus had felt every little bit of Sirius's pain. He had shouted Sirius's name and when he'd seen Sirius collapse on to the ground he ran to his side and dragged his love away from the chaos and from Pettigrew's sight.

"Moony, I've been hit," Sirius had panted. "Don't stop fighting! Leave me here!"

"No!"

Sirius still tried to make him change his mind, but Remus didn't. Instead, he convinced Sirius that they had to find a safe place to hide. They couldn't go back to Hogwarts, the path was obstructed by Dementors, and so they headed for the Sanskrit Cottage, where James was. They knew the location since they'd already been there visiting their old friend.

It was a long way since Remus had to drag Sirius with him. The stupid dark-haired man still wanted to fight.

Sirius passed out the moment they had seen the cottage, leaving Remus alone to undo all the spells that were blocking the door. When they finally reached the inside of the cottage, Remus had been received with wands pointed at him.

"WAIT! DON'T HIT US! Help me, James!" Remus shouted.

James lowered his wand under Lucius' protests. James' eyes opened up widely when he saw who they were.

"Remus?" James asked.

"Yeah, Prongs, it's me," Remus said so James wouldn't have any doubts that it was the real him. "Please, we need a place to hide."

"What happened?"

"It's Sirius..." Remus said trembling. "He's... he's been hit by Cruciatus."

James rushed to his side to help Remus carry Sirius inside. Lucius' protests and gruffness were ignored as the two friends talked.

"I was very concerned about you two," James said when they laid Sirius in Lucius's bed.

From the doorway, Lucius shot him a glare that said 'The hell you were, kissing me like that!', but James ignored him once again.

"Oh, great," Lucius complained aloud. "Now I have to give my bed to my wife's lover. Talk about irony..."

"Shut up, Malfoy," James said. He called Dobby to help them with Sirius and after cleaning his wounds they left him resting.

"Remus, are you all right?" James asked gripping Remus' shoulder.

"Yeah, I think so. Listen, James, would you mind if we talked later? I... I need to stay with Sirius."

James agreed to it immediately. He'd always suspected that Remus' feelings for Sirius surpassed friendship.

"Of course, Moony. Call me if you need anything."

They hugged and Remus entered the room again, closing the door behind him. Lucius snorted.

"Moony?" Lucius sneered, staring at James.

"Shut it, Malfoy," James said gruffly.

"I won't leave them alone! We have a mad man and a werewolf under our roof! If you think I won't put any wards on this door, you're very mistaken," Lucius said, pulling out his wand and aiming the door. James stood in front of him and crossed his arms.

"It's not full moon yet, and Sirius needs to rest. Chill out, all right? They won't do anything to you." And then James smirked. "Scared, Malfoy?"

Lucius' mouth twitched. "You wish."

And with that, James dragged Lucius to the living room.

In the bedroom, Remus sat on a chair to watch Sirius. For the rest of the night Sirius tossed and turned in his sleep with a fever that didn't seem to go away. Remus took that as a good sign though. It was the proof that Sirius was fighting against the deadly effects of the Cruciatus Curse. He didn't sleep, but just once he rested his head near Sirius's pillow, and once was enough for Sirius to feel his body next to him and cuddled against it, to his utter surprise.

For a moment, Remus could hardly breathe because of their proximity. He kept telling himself that there was nothing wrong with it. Sirius was sleeping and probably dreaming about Narcissa, hence why he had cuddled against him.

Sirius's hand moved and rested on his navel. Remus' breath quickened, but he didn't dare to move away. He closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around Sirius' waist. Since he was there, he might as well relax and try to rest a little. But then he felt Sirius' breath on his neck, and a soft brush of Sirius' nose tip on his cheek that set him on fire. Remus fought against the urge to turn his head just a little bit and join their lips together. It was too much of a temptation, but still he managed to hold himself in check.

It was then that he felt Sirius's hand moving up and down his chest, caressing it softly, and Remus just lost it.

Without controlling himself, Remus captured Sirius' lips with his own. Sirius kissed him back eagerly. It was heaven for Remus. He was finally kissing Sirius and it was everything he had imagined it to be. Sirius' mouth was soft and juicy, and Remus felt as if he could kiss it forever. Tingles of pleasure ran through his body, but he knew it was wrong to take advantage of Sirius when he wasn't even awake, so he drew back, panting and swearing softly for his bad luck.

He opened his eyes slightly and met Sirius' blurred ones.

"Moony?" Sirius muttered hoarsely.

Remus' eyes flew open and his heart almost jumped out of his mouth. It was a disaster in great proportions. Sirius was awake and he'd kick Remus out of bed for kissing him. Sirius didn't push him away though. He did quite the opposite in fact. He drew Remus closer, the tip of his nose touching Remus' and his mouth only a few inches away from Remus' trembling lips.

"Why did you stop?" Sirius said, still muttering.

"Because... I don't know," Remus answered in a whisper, swallowing hard. "I thought you were sleeping."

"I was," Sirius said, grinning dreamily. "Your smell woke me up."

Sirius snuffled Remus' neck, tickling him.

"My smell?" Remus frowned, shivering with desire.

"Yes. Blame it on Padfoot. He knows your scent by heart."

Remus couldn't help but giggle and moan as he felt Sirius kissing his earlobe. "You don't know what you're doing," he protested feebly, unwilling to move away from Sirius' arms.

"I guess not. But it feels so good," Sirius whispered, kissing Remus on the lips.

Sirius' experienced hands took off Remus' robe and stroked the bare chest. Remus' underpants came next. Sirius had seen Remus naked on many occasions before, but never like this. He stroked every scar, including the big one made by the werewolf who had bitten Remus. Even skinny and marked, Remus was a beautiful vision to be admired, just like he'd been when they were sixteen.

Sirius didn't know exactly what he was doing - his mind was trapped between dream and reality - but he just couldn't hold himself. His body was hot as if it was burning in fever. Barely did he know that he had a fever for real.

He kissed every scar on Remus' body, licking it every once in a while. Remus grabbed Sirius's hair when he went down on him and moaned with pleasure and surprise.

Remus thought Sirius didn't have experience with other men, but so far he was doing very well. Jealousy ran through him as he imagined who that man could be. He pulled Sirius by the hair and kissed him fiercely.

Sirius' clothes were soon lying on the floor and their naked bodies touched each other, making them shiver in delight and anticipation. They fit perfectly together, just as Remus had imagined countless times before.

Remus took the time to admire the object of his love and desire for so many years. As if the werewolf had possessed him, Remus kissed Sirius deeply, desperate to feel more of him.

Their bodies moved together, enticing moans from both of them. Remus felt Sirius preparing him, and it was like a cold shower. Remus knew what they were doing wasn't right. Sirius was not well. He probably thought he was dreaming. Remus didn't have the excuse though. He knew very well what was happening. He tried to pull away but Sirius held him underneath his body.

"What? Did I hurt you?" Sirius asked, confused.

"No."

"Then what's wrong?"

"This isn't right, Sirius," Remus muttered, not looking at Sirius.

"My body says the opposite," Sirius whispered, his body touching Remus', so he could feel just how much he wanted Remus.

"Your body is stupid," Remus said. "You don't know what you're doing and when tomorrow comes you'll hate me."

"I would never hate you, Remy. Ever." Sirius kissed him on the cheek.

Remus flinched. "I wouldn't be so sure."

"Stop thinking, Remus," Sirius argued. "That's your problem, you know? You think too much."

"And you don't think at all! You don't know what you're doing, Sirius. You might not even remember this!"

"I'm not that crazy, Remus," Sirius objected, his eyes still blurry.

"What about N-"

"Shush," Sirius silenced Remus with a kiss. "For once, don't think. Just surrender."

"I can't."

But as Sirius went down on him again, he found it very hard to think rationally about anything at all. Again he felt Sirius preparing him, but this time he didn't put up a fight. When Sirius entered him, all of Remus' good sense went out through the window.

"Sirius..." Remus trembled.

"Remus..."

They let themselves go, forgetting about the rest of the world.

-----------------------

It took Draco a while to activate his daydream connection with Harry. He'd been stuck in his own dreamland for a while, a dream where he silently watched as the world was destroyed by thousands of hooded figures. He felt someone touching his shoulder and turned to see who it was.

"What are you still doing here?" asked an older Draco, tapping his foot on the floor impatiently.

Draco frowned. "What?"

"You shouldn't be here. You should be helping Harry," said the older Draco. "Don't you remember?"

Draco nodded, still in a dreaming state. Irritated, the older Draco pinched him so he let out a yelp.

"Ouch! What did you do that for?" complained Draco.

"You're too deep in your own dream. I had to come to remind you about what's really important."

"Voldemort is destroying the world!" Draco pointed to the surface bellow as if that was important enough.

"No, he's not," said the older Draco losing his patience. "You're dreaming. Snap out of it!"

The voice echoed in Draco's head and he felt himself spinning quickly as his body was thrown in the air. He flew guideless for a while until he landed on the ground hardly. He swore and stroked his butt softly. Then he looked around, fully aware now that he had to find Harry, wherever he was.

The place wasn't like his subconscious, but it was similar. The landscape around wasn't grey like his, but as far as the eye could see, there was only desert ahead. It was all very lonely. It reminded Draco of a trip he'd made with his father once to the Sahara Desert. Draco gave a step forward and his foot sank a little bit in the sand. He swore again.

"Dammit, Harry! And here I was thinking that your subconscious would be a walk in the park, literally."

He walked for a while, shouting Harry's name every now and then. He was tired and almost ready to give up when someone appeared by his side. To his surprise, it was Hermione. He frowned at the vision.

"Harry, you really are fucked up," he said.

"Language, Mister," said Hermione in her bossy tone of voice.

"What are doing here?" Draco asked. "Is this a subliminal message to tell me that Harry likes you?"

Hermione rolled her eyes. "You sound like Ron... Of course Harry likes me. We're best friends. I'm just here to organise things for him. I think he sees me as someone who always keep things together, you know, a centred person. I make him feel safe somehow. I think it's rather cute and flattering."

Draco crossed his arms, annoyed. "I don't know about that, but I don't like it."

Hermione giggled. "Oh, you're jealous. How cute."

"Shut up, Granger! I'm not jealous. How come I'd be jealous of a Mudb-"

"You wouldn't want to finish that word, lad," said Ron from behind Draco. "Finish it and I'll break you."

Draco turned to face Ron with anger. "I can't believe this. The Weasel is here as well! What about me, huh? I thought I was the most important person in Harry's life!!!" Draco complained. "Why am I not here as well? I should have stayed in my own dream..."

"Can't you stop whining?" Ron threatened. "I've had enough with you! I should kick you out!"

"I wanna see you try," Draco sneered.

"Boys, please," Hermione said, trying to pacify them.

"But 'Mione, he was about to call you a Mudblood!"

"He's just feeling threatened by us," she said calmly.

"Threatened!? Ha! As if!" Draco exclaimed.

It was true, though. Draco couldn't believe he was in Harry's dream and talking to Ron and Hermione instead of Harry. Draco stared at them and snorted. Why wasn't he talking to himself? He should be the one to make Harry feel safe, not them. But then he remembered how his subconscious had tested Harry. Perhaps Harry was doing the same thing to him. He sighed deeply.

"Where's the Scar Head?" he asked, his arms crossed. "Wait. Are you Harry?"

Hermione and Ron looked at each other and laughed. Draco grumbled something rude.

"Of course we're not Harry! I mean, look at us!" Ron said, still laughing.

"Yeah," Hermione said, beaming. "Unless Harry has a wish to have breasts like mine!"

"All right, I'm tired of this stupid game, Harry!" Draco shouted through the air. "I'm not as patient as you are, so don't play with me! I'll leave, Harry, don't think I won't. You know I'm very unstable."

"More than usual, you mean," Ron teased.

"Ron, please," said Hermione, hiding a grin.

Draco counted to ten and smirked, staring far ahead. "I see what you're doing, Harry. I got it. You made Ron and Hermione host me just to make me upset, so I'd give up and leave. Well, it won't work, Harry! I won't leave!" Draco remembered his previous words and sighed, "All right, so maybe I said I would, but it's not true. You didn't give up on me, Harry. Ever. So I won't give up on you as well. I love you, no matter how much you want me to stay out. I understand your pain. Please, Harry. I know you must be feeling hurt. I can only imagine what Voldemort told you. Please, let me see you. Let me comfort you."

Hermione sighed deeply. "Oh, that's so romantic." Then she slapped Ron, who looked at her as if she had gone mad. "Why aren't you like this?" she asked demandingly.

Draco shook his head. "You're annoying even in Harry's subconscious."

Ron and Hermione glared at him.

"Well, mister, that attitude won't get you anywhere," Hermione said with her bossy tone of voice.

Draco rolled his eyes. "Ok, I'm sorry. I just want to see Harry. Everyone is worried about him. Our fathers are under the same roof with us, Harry, and they are just like us when we insisted on fighting each other. It's really funny to watch. I want you to come back with me, Harry."

"Your father is gay?" Ron asked, dumbfound. "The evil Lucius Malfoy is gay?"

"Oh, don't start, Weasley," Draco said, upset. "And if you joke about it, Harry's dream or not, I'll break your carrot face!"

"You can't blame him for being astonished," Hermione said.

"You're a much more pleasant girl outside here, Granger," Draco pointed out.

"You're starting to piss me off, Draco Malfoy," she said, fuming. Then she shouted, "HARRY! HARRY! We are out of here, Harry! Only you can stand him."

"Now we're talking, 'Mione. See why I still don't like him?" Ron said to her.

While Draco glared at them, Hermione kept shouting Harry's name, but he didn't show up. She sighed, but refused to show defeat. She and Ron talked for a moment, away from Draco's ears, and then vanished. Draco was left alone once again.

He kept walking on the sand, swearing every time his shoes got full of it. Finally, he reached a beautiful oasis with palm trees and a small crystalline lake. To his relief and delight, Harry was there, sitting on a stone, staring at nothing.

"HARRY!" he called, but Harry didn't turn around to greet him. It was like Harry hadn't even heard him.

He got closer and started his way down when Hermione and Ron appeared in front of him and made him stop. Draco wished he had his wand so he could just wave them out of his way with a simple flick.

"What now?" Draco asked, annoyed.

"I don't think he wants to see anyone. He even told us to bugger off," Hermione said sadly.

"Yeah, things don't look so good, Malfoy," Ron acquiesced.

Draco looked at Harry, still staring at nothing, a lost expression on his face. Draco's heart constricted in his chest. He wanted to reach Harry, but he didn't know how. Draco wondered what horrible things Voldemort must have said to him. One thing he knew for sure though was that Ron and Hermione weren't enough to stop him. He would get rid of them.

He closed his eyes and called Harry through his thoughts. He tried to send Harry scenes of them together. He felt himself swirling again and when he opened his eyes, he was standing next to Harry. Ron and Hermione had stayed away, staring at him with smiles on their faces.

"Harry," Draco called softly. Harry didn't respond. Draco put his hand on Harry's shoulder. "Please, Harry."

Harry flinched and said without looking at Draco, "How did you pass my sentinels?"

"Er... Do you mean Ron and Hermione?"

"Yes."

Draco smirked. "Bloody sentinels they are. Honestly, Harry, you should have chosen someone better to stop me, like my father or your godfather... You know I don't like him. Even Snape would have done the trick. But Weasley and Hermione... Please..."

"She slapped you once and it seemed very effective at the time," Harry pointed out, still not looking at Draco. "Besides, they seemed to be doing a pretty good job out there."

"Well, they didn't," Draco replied, upset. "I wouldn't be here otherwise!"

"No, you wouldn't," Harry sighed gloomily.

Draco sat next to Harry and took his hand, gripping it firmly. "You know I won't give up on you."

"For a moment I thought you would," Harry said coldly.

Draco felt embarrassed at the memory. "I was only... blackmailing you."

Harry sighed. "You shouldn't be here. Every time you spend your magical energy you feel weaker," Harry said concernedly. "That was why I was trying to shoo you. That, and because I want to be alone for a while. You'd think that it'd be possible when one is asleep."

"Oh, come on! Who would want to be alone and miserable with someone like me around?"

Harry smiled feebly and finally looked at Draco. "You're so full of yourself."

Draco shrugged, but his insides where turned upside down by Harry's stare. "What can I say in my defence? It's a Malfoy trademark. That, the mystical stare, and the smirk."

Harry smiled amusedly. "Mystical stare?"

"Well, yes, Potter. Is that a problem?"

Harry chuckled. "No. It's just funny, that's all." Harry gazed at the lake again and silence fell upon them.

"Look, Harry, I'm here for you. You know that, don't you? I mean," Draco made a pause and looked down. "I know you don't want to talk, which is annoying because I tell you everything, but I understand. You must be feeling awful. Having Voldemort in your head like that... messing with it... feeding you with distrust and lies..."

Harry instantly turned his eyes on him. "How do you know?"

Draco raised an eyebrow. "What bit?"

"That he was feeding me with distrust and lies. Because I'm sure he was lying, but I'm not so sure... I mean, he can't be..." Harry stirred up as if something had disturbed him.

"What?" Draco said, looking around. "Is there someone else here with us?"

Harry shook his head and sat on Draco's lap, burying his head on Draco's shoulder. Draco seemed to be taken aback for a moment, but then he wrapped his arms around Harry's waist and held him tightly, trying to comfort him the best way he could. He muttered words of encouragement in Harry's ear and told him how much he loved him. Harry smiled at him. If someone in Hogwarts could have seen Draco Malfoy being soft and tender they would probably think it was someone doing a Polyjuice impersonation of him. For everyone in school the real Draco was nasty and evil. For Harry, he was someone else entirely.

"You can let it all out, you know? Cry if you need to," Draco whispered.

"No, I won't cry. I'm more pissed off than anything else." Harry looked at him and touched his forehead with Draco's. "Besides, I'm sleeping. If I cry, I'll also cry in my sleep and it'd be way too embarrassing. Lucius is there. I could never show weakness in front of your father, Draco. He would use it against me for the rest of my life."

"Hmm..." Draco wished he could deny that but indeed, if Lucius saw Harry crying, he would make fun of him for the rest of Harry's life. "Do you at least want to tell me what Voldemort said to you?"

Harry sniggered. "He told me the joke of the century."

"What?"

Harry licked his lips and stared at nothing again. "He told me I'm his grandson."

For a moment, Draco felt like he was paralysed with shock and he wondered if his hearing was all right. Had Harry just told him that he was Voldemort's grandson? That could only be a joke. Then again, Harry had told him that it was the joke of the century.

"By Merlin's beard!" Draco exclaimed. "He didn't... It's too bloody... I mean..." he was at a loss for words.

"That wasn't all. He said my mother was a Death Eater."

Draco looked thoughtful. "Well, it's not that bad, is it?"

Harry immediately stood up and glared at Draco. "What do you mean it's not that bad? It's horrible! I grew up with everyone telling me how perfect my parents were, only to find out that my father had a secret crush on yours and that my mother was a Death Eater! Everyone told me she was the sweetest person in the world! How could she become a Death Eater then?"

"Calm down, Harry," Draco said, standing too. "Just because she was a Death Eater, it didn't mean-"

"It didn't mean what? That she wasn't a bad person?"

"Well, yes, kind of, and-"

"What the hell are you talking about? Who in their right minds would support that monster?"

"If you just let me finish-"

"Is there a way to be good and a Death Eater at the same time?" Harry cut him off again. "I don't think so."

"SHUT IT FOR A BLOODY MINUTE, WILL YOU!?" Draco shouted, losing his patience.

And Harry did, but not after shooting him an angry look.

"Voldemort tricked a lot of people in the past, Harry. A lot! And not just that, but he controlled them with Imperius. You know about this. Don't you read? Some people thought Voldemort meant progress; others thought that he would separate wizards from muggles once and for all, which in my opinion wasn't such a bad idea. WAIT JUST A MINUTE! Let me finish!" Draco shouted when he saw Harry open his mouth ready to protest. "I believe this is not the time for us to talk about our beliefs."

"I didn't think you'd support that stupid racist idea!" Harry cut across him.

"You knew what I thought about it, Harry. I never hid it from you."

"But I thought that you'd changed your mind about that Mudblood stuff."

"I did. I said that I'd thought it wasn't such a bad idea back then. Haven't you ever wondered why there's such hatred against Muggles in our world?"

Harry shrugged. "No. I just thought it was a stupid snobbish thing."

"Our people were persecuted in the past, Harry. A lot. Muggles fear us. Why do you think we have to hide our existence from them? Didn't you read about The Inquisition?"

Harry knew a little, but the truth was that he had never really thought about it. He'd never connected one thing to the other. He had made an essay about it, he remembered now, but at the time it had been amusing to read that some witches and wizards had let themselves get caught just because they thought it was funny. It hadn't occurred to him that most people in the wizarding world wouldn't have found it so humorous.

"I just..." Harry began. "Still... It doesn't excuse Voldemort or anyone for that matter."

"I know. I know, Harry," Draco said tiredly. "Forgive me for shouting at you. I just... When you say that your mother was a Death Eater, you say it as if it was the most horrible thing in the world, like she was doomed..."

"Wasn't she?" Harry asked quietly.

"I don't know. You don't even know if it's true. But... My father is a Death Eater. I like to believe that he has a way out. If your mother was a Death Eater, then at some point she must have jumped out of it. Can't you see? If it's true, then my father has a chance of salvation. That's why it didn't look so bad to me. But you're right. She was your mother. You had this perfect image of her. I'm sorry if I was such an insensitive git."

Harry's expression softened. He hadn't realised Draco had been thinking about Lucius.

"Voldemort was probably lying to you about everything," Draco said, looking down. "Wait until you wake up so you can ask your father about it."

Harry's eyes flickered with unshed tears, not just for him, but for Draco too.

"If she really was a Death Eater, Harry," Draco said quietly, "then try to understand why. She must have had a reason. A very strong one. Voldemort probably told her that she was his daughter. That must have messed with her head quite a lot. He must have tricked her as well, and when she realised he was a liar, she helped the Order."

Harry felt like a big weight had been taken off of his shoulders. Draco was right. He should find out about it properly before freaking out. Besides, Draco needed to hope that one day Lucius would be redeemed from his sins. Most of all, Draco needed him.

"Draco, I'm sorry," Harry muttered.

"It's all right. I know it's not easy. Our lives are really screwed up."

Harry got closer to him and lifted Draco's chin so they could be face to face and then he whispered, "If I am Voldemort's grandson, I don't know what I'll do. I won't know myself anymore."

"Why? It won't change the person you are inside," Draco said incisively. "The Malfoys are vicious by nature, Harry. But you said to me once that just because they were, it didn't mean I would be as well. I'm Draco, not them. Just like you're Harry Potter and no one else can take that away from you."

Harry took a step forward and hugged Draco tightly. "Thanks."

"You're my strength, Harry. If you fall apart, I'll go with you, so I can't let that happen. I'm actually selfish if you think about it," Draco joked.

Harry smiled and their eyes locked on each others.

"Oh, bugger!" Draco exclaimed, making a face. "You do realise that if you are Voldemort's grandson, it also means that you're Slytherin's heir! Damn you, Potter! That's probably why Voldemort wants to destroy you so much! You're both Slytherin's and Gryffindor's heir!"

"It also means I'm related to, ugh, Pansy," Harry said, disgusted.

"There's always a high price to pay for power, Harry."

"Too high if you ask me. I'll give up on it in a second just to get rid of Voldemort."

"It also makes you sexier. Slytherin's blood runs in your veins..." Draco's lips brushed Harry's.

"That just corroborates my theory that you're with me because fame and power are very strong aphrodisiacs."

Draco smiled against his lips. "Well, they are. I won't deny it."

"So if you find out that there's nothing special about me..." Harry let it hang in the air.

"I'll dump you," Draco completed.

"Oh, really?"

"Of course. I'm shallow, Harry, don't you remember?"

Harry kissed him fiercely. "I'll kill you if you leave me."

Draco frowned. "You? The goody-goody Harry Potter? I don't think so. So spare you're homicide tendencies because I'm not going anywhere."

They kissed again. Draco felt Harry's need for him in every kiss they shared. It was as if Harry was starving for affection, like he wanted Draco to be his saviour for the night. Harry was tired of being strong. He wanted Draco to make him forget about everything.

"Do you think we can make love in here?" Draco whispered, his eyes cloudy with desire.

"I dunno," Harry whispered back. "It'd be interesting, though. But then again, we might embarrass ourselves in front of our fathers. Can you imagine the scene?"

Draco could. He could see Lucius' face of disgust once he realised that Draco and Harry were very aroused.

"It would be hilarious," Draco said, grinning. "Your father would be shocked."

"Let's just lie down and rest," Harry suggested. "I sure need to relax."

"I can help you with that." Then Draco looked around. "Can't you summon a bed or something?"

Harry nodded and instantly a tent appeared next to them. Inside they found very fluffy cushions. They lay side by side and kissed.

"I didn't expect to find a desert in your head, Harry," Draco said after a while. "Do you really feel so alone?"

"Sometimes," Harry muttered softly, stroking Draco's face tenderly. "I guess the desert makes me feel... little and insignificant. I like to feel this way sometimes. I don't like the spotlight, Draco, whether you believe it or not."

"I know, Harry. I like to tease you about it exactly because I know you don't like it."

"Prick."

"Four eyes."

"Spoiled brat."

"Scar Head."

And they kissed once again.

-------------------------

It was the fourth time Lucius had gone to inspect on Sirius and Remus, and James was getting tired of it. Still, he let Lucius go, hoping that Remus would turn into a werewolf and eat him. He sneered at the thought. James had preferred to watch Harry and Draco, who were now sleeping cuddled against each other, smiling broadly. James wondered what they were dreaming about.

He went back to the living room and lay on the couch. On the floor, near the lit fireplace, there was a board of chess that he and Lucius had been playing for a while now. James was winning so far, to Lucius' distress. His rook had pulverised Lucius' knight, and James had the feeling that that was the reason why Lucius had made a pause to go check on Remus and Sirius.

A few minutes later, Lucius entered the living room looking quite intrigued. James stared at him curiously and Lucius snorted at the look.

"What?" James asked. "Did something happen? Are they all right?"

"I believe they are, Potter, although I'm not so sure," Lucius said sharply.

"What do you mean?"

Lucius moved uncomfortably. "All I could hear were moans, and I don't know whether they are from Black's pain or... because they are having sex," Lucius muttered the last words quite aggravated, and James opened his eyes wide. "I do know for sure," Lucius went on, "that thinking about a werewolf and a dog fucking disturbs me a lot, so I'd rather think that Black is dying. This thought actually comforts me."

James took a moment to think about what Lucius had just said to him. Could it be true? James was suddenly struck by a memory of his past where he was watching Sirius cry silently in their room. He had been in shock at the time because he had never seen Sirius cry for anything. He remembered sitting beside him in bed, their hands entwined, soft words spoken, and then...

James' eyes flew open even more.

And then they had kissed. He gulped, the memories floating in front of him.

***James' flashback***

James was coming back to the Gryffindor Common Room after a Quidditch practice. Sirius hadn't been there, which was the most unusual thing. Sirius didn't miss their training unless there was something bothering him. So obviously, James was worried. He searched him everywhere until he found Sirius sobbing in their room. It was a shock to James. Sirius didn't cry for anything.

"Sirius, what's the matter?" he asked, sitting next to Sirius.

Sirius seemed to be taken aback for a moment, and then he sighed. "It's nothing."

"Did you receive a letter from your parents?"

James knew Sirius and his parents didn't get along.

"James... D-do you think it's all right for two boys to kiss?" Sirius stuttered.

James stirred on his seat, preoccupied that Sirius had found out about him and Lucius.

"I... Er... I dunno," James said nervously. "I guess, I... Look, Sirius, whatever you think you saw..."

"Did you see it, too?" Sirius asked him quickly. James stared at his friend with uncertainty and Sirius rushed, "Did you see Remus kissing that... that... that Ravenclaw boy?"

It was a day full of surprises, James thought. If he said he hadn't seen Remus kissing anyone, Sirius would ask too many questions. So instead he decided to question Sirius, "Do you think it's wrong? Because I don't. As long as he's happy, then what's the matter?"

Sirius grunted. "What's the matter!? Everything! He shouldn't've done that! It's not right, James."

"He's your friend."

"Exactly. And because he's my friend I have the right to warn him how dangerous it is for him to be kissing another boy. Isn't it enough that he's a werewolf? Why does he have to be so damn different?"

"What a horrible thing to say!" James said coldly. "If you say this to Remus I'll personally break your face, Sirius! Whatever he does with his life it's his problem, not yours! You're acting like your father, for Merlin's sake!"

At that word, Sirius jerked out, "Don't you dare, James. I'm nothing like my father."

"Well, you sound like him. Why is this bothering you so much anyway? It's like you're in love with him or someth-" James words died on his lips when he saw Sirius terrified expression. "It's not that, is it? Oh, fuck, Sirius. Are you in love with-"

"No!" Sirius quickly denied. "Of course not."

"You can tell me."

"It's not that! I'm just... Narcissa will marry Malfoy. Did you know? It's some stupid family contract."

Something broke inside of James. "Really? I didn't know."

"So if that wasn't enough, I saw Remus kissing that boy and I... I'm confused."

"Why?" James asked, trying to forget about his own pain of knowing about Lucius' wedding. .

"Because... it hurt," Sirius whispered. "I didn't think it would. Not like this."

James took Sirius' hand in his and gave it a squeeze. "I'm sorry."

Sirius shook his head. "It's ok. I knew Remus liked that boy; I just... wasn't prepared to see that kiss. I don't know why I'm crying." Sirius wiped his tears away angrily. "It seems so stupid. You know I don't cry."

"It's ok. I won't tell anyone."

"Thanks, James." they stayed quiet for a while until Sirius asked, "Have you ever wondered what it would be like to kiss another boy?"

James gulped. He hadn't just wondered. He had done it. "Er, yes, only a few times."

Sirius looked at him oddly. "Do you think it would be... disgusting?"

"No, not at all," James said, remembering the kiss he had shared with Lucius. "I mean, I guess not."

"W-would you k-kiss me?" Sirius asked hurriedly.

James didn't know what to say. A part of him was tempted. Sirius was a handsome bloke and incredibly attractive, but they were best friends and James was dating Lily. James didn't think much, though, because Sirius' lips captured his all of a sudden, taking James by surprise. Sirius kissed him carefully at first and then eagerly as they passed the awkwardness. They unzipped their trousers without thinking much about it. James let himself be stroked by Sirius and then he did the same with his friend until they came quietly.

The whole thing lasted only a few minutes and after it was over, they stared at the ceiling, confused.

They waited for their breaths to steady before pulling themselves together. They didn't dare to look at each other.

"Er..." Sirius finally said, "I guess... it's dinner time, isn't it?"

"Yes."

"Ok."

"Sirius?"

Sirius looked at him flustered. "Let's not mention this, ok. It was just..."

"I know."

"It won't happen again."

"Of course not."

"And nothing will change between us."

"No. You're my best friend."

Sirius smiled feebly. "But it was good, wasn't it?"

James smiled back. "Yeah, it was."

Sirius gave him one last kiss before burying that subject forever.

***End Flashback***

James felt someone shaking him and he opened his eyes to see who it was. He gazed at Lucius, who staring at him with an unpleasant face. He realised then that he had momentarily gone off, as Harry used to tell him. He had the habit to do that when he was remembering something. It was one of the side effects of the Memory Potion.

"You kissed Black?" Lucius roared.

"What?" James looked at him dumbfounded.

"You were talking while you were drifting and you said you kissed Black! Black! Ugh! As if I hadn't enough to deal with," Lucius snarled. "Did you just kiss or did something else? When did it happen?"

"Why do you care?" James replied, annoyed. "It doesn't concern you anyway!"

Lucius sniggered. "I guess you're right. I suppose that whether I kiss Severus or not is also my problem."

"YOU WHAT? Did you kiss that slimy git?"

Lucius sniggered widely. "What if I did?"

"Just... EW! SNAPE? At least Sirius is a very good-looking man and he washes his hair!"

"Severus was very handsome under that awful hair of his," Lucius said, shrugging. "Now that he's finally cut it and washed it, you can see that. You saw him, didn't you? He's quite intriguing."

"Ew. I don't want to hear it."

"I didn't kiss him, Potter, but you did kiss Black. Did you kiss the werewolf as well? Was I your first at all?"

"I didn't kiss Remus. And to my deep displeasure, yes, you were my first. Sirius and me never... We never did it."

"How can you be so sure?"

James wasn't sure, but something inside of him was telling him that he and Sirius had only shared a moment like that together once.

"I just know it, all right?"

Lucius sat on the armchair and stared at the fireplace. James wondered if he should say something, but in the end he decided to just be quiet. Lucius had nothing to do with that kiss shared between him and Sirius. No, it wasn't true, James thought bitterly. Lucius had everything to do with it. If Sirius hadn't told him that Lucius would marry Narcissa, then James wouldn't have kissed Sirius.

"Sirius told me you were going to marry Narcissa that day," James confessed quietly. "I guess that was why we kissed. We wanted to forget. He had his own motives, I had mine. We weren't thinking straight."

"Damn right you weren't," Lucius sneered, but deep down something inside twitched. Was James telling him that he had only kissed Black because he had been hurt by the knowledge that Lucius would get married? No, he must have understood wrong. James never cared for him. "We didn't finish our game," Lucius pointed out, trying to forget about his feelings.

James felt quite annoyed by the sudden change of subject, but he knew it was just Lucius' way of shielding himself from his feelings. James absently moved The True Love Ring inside his pocket, thinking of a way to make Lucius admit that he felt something other than hate and despite for him, when it hit him. The True Love Ring. Damiana had told him the ring would make sure they were meant to be. James just had to think of a way to put it in Lucius' finger.

"Do you want to play it or what?" Lucius asked, irritated.

Then again, the ring could be a fraud. At the thought, James sighed dispiritedly.

"Potter?" Lucius called, annoyed.

But James had his mind somewhere else. He was thinking if it was worth it to use the ring.

"POTTER? Are you drifting again?"

James finally looked at him. "What?"

Lucius rolled his eyes. "I asked if you want to finish the game. Merlin! I'm surrounded by crazy people!"

"Hey. I'm not crazy!" James replied.

"You act like someone who should be in St Mungo's," Lucius said, sulkily. "Potter? Potter?"

But James wasn't paying attention to Lucius anymore. He was looking at the chessboard as if it was the most interesting thing he had seen in ages. Lucius shook his head, and while he thought about his bad luck, James was remembering that Lucius had always liked to bet. A lot.

"You lost to Snape once, didn't you?" James said suddenly.

Lucius stared at him as if he had finally lost his mind for good. "What?"

"There was this one time when the seventh years of Ravenclaw threw this big party and I couldn't go because I was sick, but Sirius told me that you bet with Snape that you could beat him in chess and so you played until you lost it."

James watched, highly amused, as Lucius' face turned a vivid shade of red.

"Your punishment was to strip naked," James said, savouring every word.

Lucius fluttered even more. "What's your point?" he snarled.

"Let's bet," James suggested innocently.

"Bet?"

"Yes. We're almost finishing the game."

Lucius gazed at James. "Do you want the loser to strip naked?"

As much as he would love to see Lucius' nudity in all its glory, he didn't have that in mind exactly.

"If I win, I want you to put something on," James said.

Lucius frowned. "What kind of kinky thing do you have in mind?"

James chuckled. "Nothing kinky, Lucius. I just want you to put a ring on your finger."

"What kind of ring?" Lucius asked, distrustful.

"A normal one," James said, annoyed.

"Yeah, right. Like I would fall for that! There's no such thing as a normal ring in our world."

"For Merlin's beard! You're so annoying!" James said, upset. "It's called The True Love Ring. Damiana gave it to me. She said that I should put it on your finger, and if it turned red it'd mean we're soul mates. Are you satisfied now?"

Lucius couldn't believe what he had just heard. "You believed her?"

"No. But I... I just wanted to..."

"Can I see it?"

James looked at Lucius' stretched hand and thought if it was right to just give the ring to Lucius. Sighing, he took the ring from his pocket and placed it on Lucius' palm. Lucius carefully inspected it, to a point where he lit the tip of his wand and muttered something, making the ring glow.

"What did you do?" James asked curiously.

"I was checking out for dark spells. It's something you learn when you're Death Eater." Lucius didn't take his eyes off the ring. "This is the real thing, except that The True Love Ring is not exactly good. In the past it was used for dark purposes. An unfaithful husband would put it on his wife to see if she was in love with someone else."

"Does Damiana only sell dark stuff?" James asked worriedly, thinking about Harry.

"Mainly, yes, but she's clever enough to only display objects that the Ministry considers only slightly dangerous."

"And the ring is..."

"Slightly dangerous, yes. It depends on its use, right?" Lucius finally raised his eyes from the ring and looked intently at James. "Why do you want me to put it on?"

James felt his palms sweat and his heart was beating fast. "I don't know. I just wanted to know."

"If we're soul mates?"

James looked down. "Yes."

Lucius sneered, "Does it matter?"

James pondered about the question very carefully. 'Indeed', he thought, 'Does it matter?' Did it matter to him to know for sure whether they were soul mates or not? Would it change how he felt? And the answer came upon him like an avalanche. No, it wouldn't change anything. He would still love Lucius.

"You're right. It doesn't matter," he said decisively, standing up.

"And what does that mean?" Lucius said stirring in his armchair as James drew nearer.

"It means that I don't care," James said, throwing his caution out the window. "It doesn't matter what you feel for me, because it won't change the way I feel. I hate feeling this way because of who you are, but I can't help it. I feel it through my entire being. The desire I feel for you remains strong even after so long. I want you, Lucius. You have no idea how much. Living under the same roof with you has been hell. I want desperately to touch you, but I know I'm not allowed, not just because you would dish me, but because of my own fears."

Lucius gulped. He'd never expected James to be so sincere. "James, what-?"

"I'm going to kiss you, and it doesn't matter what you do or say, I won't pull away this time. You want me, Lucius. You know you do. It's stronger than us. I'm man enough to admit it."

Lucius stood up and put some distance between them. His mind was working furiously, but with James so close to him, he was unable to think properly. He didn't know why he was acting like that. He wouldn't have missed a chance to be with James in the past. But everything was different now. He couldn't want James. His life was complicated enough as it was.

James was there, willing to give himself to him. So why couldn't Lucius just go for it? It was just like a dream come true. How many times had he dreamed that James had said those exact words to him? Well, not exactly those words, but it was close enough. And there he was, having second thoughts when he shouldn't have any, trying to rationalize the whole thing when he knew for certain that he couldn't.

He couldn't deny what he felt for James.

And he wouldn't.

It wasn't like James was expecting to hear the L word. Again, it was just about lust. Lucius didn't know why, but that thought made him feel strangely sad.

He closed his eyes as he felt James' hands touching his shoulders, and turned around slowly to face him. They touched nervously, feeling all of each other. James kissed Lucius' cheek and then his lips, eliciting a quiet moan from Lucius.

"You'll regret this. I'll regret this," Lucius muttered against James' mouth.

"I won't."

"You always do," Lucius pointed out.

"I won't this time." And there was determination in James' voice.

James tried to kiss him again, but Lucius said, "What about the fact that you hate me?"

James frowned. "It never stopped us. And again, Malfoy, I have to say this. Since when do you have morals?"

Lucius could have easily been mad at the mention, but it was true, so there wasn't very much he could say.

"What about my past?"

"Leave it out of this. Just like I'll leave mine."

"You don't know what I did when I was a Death Eater. If you think you hate me now, just wait until I tell you what I did."

"Dammit, Lucius!" James cursed. "Just relax, all right? Don't spoil this."

"Well, I have the right to spoil it since you did it so many times before!" Lucius said, upset. "Besides, we can't do much here. We have house-elves coming and going all the time, and what if Draco or Harry wake up and catch us in the act?"

James sighed, defeated. "You're right."

"And I really can't do anything with my mind on Voldemort. I'm worried that he will burst through that door at any moment. You might not be thinking clearly, but I am. This is insane."

"All right, all right!" James exclaimed, irritated. "Do you at least admit that you want me?"

Lucius looked the other way and muttered, "Yes, but that doesn't mean much."

"It means a lot to me," James said softly. Lucius gazed at him. "We don't have to do anything, Lucius. Just... kiss a little."

Lucius smirked. "Just like teenagers. How bloody romantic."

James silenced Lucius by giving him another kiss. Lucius kissed James back with the same intensity, if not more eagerly. They transfigured the couch into a bed and lay on it side by side. James didn't let Lucius talk anymore. Every time Lucius opened his mouth to speak, James shushed him with another kiss. They made out until they fell asleep in each other's arms.