Take me Home

"To speak is a sin

You look first, then stare

And once in a while

A smile, if you dare"

To Speak Is a Sin - Pet Shop Boys

Chap. 9 - TO SPEAK IS A SIN

He was ignoring him again. If there was one thing James hated more than anything else was to be ignored. He couldn't understand why he was being shut out by Lucius like that since the whole point of bringing him to the cottage was for them to talk. Lucius had established that on their first encounter and yet he was as mute as a Kneazle. In fact, James thought with a smile, Lucius' personality resembled that cat-like creature very well. He was very intelligent and sneaky, not to mention defensive and grumpy just like a Kneazle. James could bet that if Lucius was an Animagus, he was probably a Kneazle.

Furtively, he glanced at Lucius. He didn't know why he couldn't stop staring at him. Something about Lucius always attracted his attention. It had nothing to do with the fact that Lucius looked more mature and good-looking the age of 36 than when he had been 17. No, that wasn't it. It was probably something to do with the fact that he was part Veela. That particular fact had never been proved, but what else could explain why Lucius seemed to be so damn luscious to him?

'Luscious, Lucius... Now I know why the prick has such a devastating effect on me. It's his bloody name!' James thought with amusement.

"Stop staring!" he heard Lucius exclaiming, waking him up of his reverie.

"I wasn't staring at you," James quickly denied.

Lucius frowned at the obvious lie. He had no idea why James had been staring at him for three days in a row but he didn't like the tingle he felt running down his spine every time he caught that look. He wondered if he was reading the signals right. Could it be that James wanted to revive their past? Lucius shook his head at the idea. Of course James wasn't interested in that. He was probably thinking of ways to kill Lucius in his sleep.

He heard James murmur something not so polite and he smirked. He had the impression that if he talked, then they would argue and the arguing would turn into a fight. He wasn't in the mood for that. Instead of fighting, he turned his attention to one of the shelves of the basement and went back to look for a book for Draco's problems.

"Can I ask you something?" James asked, breaking Lucius' concentration.

Lucius didn't bother to look at him. "You already did."

"Don't you know a spell that can call up the book we need faster?" James went on as if he had heard nothing. "It's been three days already and yet we found nothing. I'm starting to think that we'll never find that book. Not that I want to stop looking for it. It's just that... It's frustrating. You have too many books for us to handle alone. It will take forever to find anything in here!"

"If I knew a spell like that, Potter, I wouldn't have spent three days confined in this place with you. You could have convinced Dobby to help if you were smart enough. But you have to have morals. 'He's free now. We can't obligate him to do things for us that he doesn't want to'," Lucius imitated James' speech from two days earlier. "I would have obligated him but the bloody house-elf doesn't take orders from me anymore. The little thing likes to rub that fact in my face every chance he gets."

"I wonder why," James sneered.

Lucius shot him an angry look and James felt very pleased for getting under his skin at last.

"Why don't you just ask him nicely? I'm sure he would do it," James suggested.

"Why don't you ask him? I would have asked Gelmina if she wasn't allergic to the bloody books..."

"I will. But he will want you to pay him for the extra service."

Lucius looked at him in awe. He couldn't even consider paying a house-elf to do that job.

"You're too soft, Potter. Extra service? What a fucking joke!"

James laughed and caught a book from the shelf without looking. Distractedly, he opened it, forgetting what Lucius had said to him earlier about how dangerous those books could be. Instantly, an acute screech echoed around the room and he dropped the book on the floor to cover his ears. It was a very irritated Lucius who shut it down.

"For Merlin's sake, Potter! Pay attention to what you're doing! That was a Banshee's scream!" Lucius yelled madly, throwing the book away. "You could have killed us! Don't you remember our bloody DADA lessons? A Banshee can bloody explode our head with that damn screech!"

"It's a bloody book! How can a book kill us?" James replied defensively.

"It's a bloody dark magic book!" Lucius fumed. "How many times do I have to tell you NOT to open them?"

Lucius went back to the other side of the shelf without waiting for James' retort.

"Do you know what cheers me up, Malfoy? It's to know that Voldemort wants your head as much as he wants mine!"

"Good for you, Potter. You're finally getting it," Lucius said without even glancing at him.

The silence reigned in the room again and James cursed himself for it. He knew he had been behaving like a child but he couldn't help it. Lucius brought out the worst in him. It had always been like that between them. James never meant to sound so childish every time they talked but that was exactly what happened. He was tired of it.

Lucius not only annoyed him till the end but he also confused him. It was a well-known fact that Lucius was a bastard, but a bastard that cared for his son. He had been putting up quite an effort to help Draco. Everyone - including him - thought that Lucius didn't have a heart, but the defeat in his eyes every time they got out of the basement at the end of the day without a proper solution to Draco's case was very human and very real. Those eyes had softened James' heart.

And there was more. Lucius had nightmares and very bad ones. James had heard him cry more than once. He wanted to bring the subject up but didn't know how to do it. Even if he did, he was sure that Lucius would tell him to mind his own business.

"Are you sure you have a book for Draco's problem?" James asked quietly, trying to be friendly.

"No." Lucius' eyes flinched. "But it's worth a try. Besides, we're looking for your book as well."

"Right. Calling for Missing Souls is definitely on my list."

"It's a great book, Potter. It was written in Ancient Roman. Back then they didn't have such a fragile spirit as you do. Men were tough and dark magic was used as much as any other kind," Lucius explained. "Today you can't even listen to the word dark and you already get scared. What a sissy... So fragile, indeed."

"I don't have a fragile spirit!" James shoved a book back in the shelf violently. "Just because I don't use dark magic it doesn't mean I am weak."

"There's nothing wrong with dark magic. It's just magic, for Merlin's sake!" Lucius retorted.

"It's evil," James stated.

"It depends on the person's intentions," Lucius defended.

"You have a book that kills, Malfoy. You probably have bunches of them! How can that be good?"

Lucius just shrugged. "It's a self-defence mechanism."

"Yeah, right."

"It's useless to talk to you, Potter. I don't know why I bother."

"You don't, that's the problem," James let it out. Lucius looked at him in disbelief and since it was too late to take it back, James went on, "I thought I heard you say once that the reason you brought me here was for us to talk, but you have been doing anything but talk to me these past few days. It's like I don't even exist. Not that I want to talk to you but the silence is annoying! I fear you the most when you're quiet. I never know what to expect from you. You're driving me insane! One minute you are a bastard and the next you have these stupid asthma attacks and become as fragile as glass and I have all these incongruent feelings and... and..."

"Incongruent, Potter?" Lucius asked as much surprised as amused. "Such a difficult word to learn. How long did you take to decorate it? Do you even know the meaning of it?"

"Haha. You're so bloody funny," James smirked. "I'd always had better grades than you, Malfoy, in case you don't remember."

"Not always, Potter. And just for the record, I am not fragile," Lucius stated.

"Oh, right. You are Mr. Independent."

"That's right. I need nobody."

"Sure. Whatever."

They became silent again, each lost in their own thoughts. Lucius would have liked to remind James that once he had depended on him just to be left alone in the end, but he decided to be quiet. It surprised him that James wanted them to talk. Sure they needed to talk, but having James so close to him wasn't working at all like he expected. Lucius had been so certain that once they were together he would realise he had gotten over James. That couldn't be further from the truth. The worst part of it all was that James was irritating. It was difficult to understand why he was attracted to the prick.

Lucius had also stayed distant because he had thought that that was what James wanted. Well, he wasn't that altruistic, really. If truth was told, he was having a hard time controlling himself when he was next to James. The man was a temptation, and that was why he had to keep the distance between them. At least for the time being. He had to focus on Draco. His son was his priority.

"If you are tired, go upstairs and leave me alone," Lucius said suddenly. "And stop staring!"

He couldn't stand James' stare any longer. If that kept going, he would do something not so appropriate under those circumstances. He would surrender to those feelings of need and lust that he longed to forget.

"I'm not staring. And I'm not tired, either. I want to help you. Not that I'm doing this for you," James rushed. "I'm doing this for Draco."

"I bet you're doing it for your son as well, after all, they are... close to each other."

James froze at those words. He had been avoiding thinking about Harry and Draco as a couple but he felt as if he couldn't avoid that any longer. Lucius had clearly insinuated that their sons shared something more than just friendship. Or maybe James' imagination was running wild and Lucius was just being the usual bastard. Either way, it was a scary thought. Could it be that their past was repeating itself all over again? Were their sons romantically involved?

"How close are they?" James asked, deciding to deal with it once and for all.

Lucius locked his eyes with James' and said, "Very close."

"Could you be more specific?"

"Get real, Potter. You know what's going on between them! You caught Draco wearing your son's clothes!"

James felt suddenly dizzy and he had to sit down not to fall. Lucius rolled his eyes.

"Don't be such a Drama Queen. Just face the fact that your son and mine are shagging and move on."

"Good lord! They are... t-they are...," James stuttered.

"I think the word you're looking for is shagging. I don't like it, either, but Draco refuses to listen to me. He is too stubborn. And as much as I hate to admit, Harry seems to really like him, so... All I can do is to wait for your son to break my son's heart and pick up the pieces afterwards. Not before enjoying your son's downfall, of course," Lucius smirked.

"If you do something bad to Harry I'll kill you. Besides, it's more likely for your son to break his heart! Harry looked pretty upset and sad last time I saw him. I bet it had something to do with your son." Lucius was about to reply but James cut him off, "I do admit that Draco seems like a good boy though. Not at all like you."

"If you're comparing me to Draco at that age, I wasn't that different." Lucius stopped talking, afraid that he had already given away too much of his true feelings.

"What do you mean?" James asked.

Lucius shook his head and hid his face in a book to cover his embarrassment. James sighed and stood up. The silence fell upon the room again, and for a long time they stayed that way. James tried hard to remember some details of his past, especially those that had Lucius in it. He didn't know Draco that well but somehow he was almost positive that he wasn't like Lucius. But what if he was wrong? What if Draco was as difficult to handle as Lucius? What if Lucius wasn't as bad as he had thought?

'Stay with me, Jamie. Please.'

James opened his eyes wide. Where did that come from? That voice seemed so familiar.

'You're a bloody coward, Potter! Go back to your mudblood girlfriend!'

He shuddered at the memory. He shut his eyes in order to concentrate harder.

'What's that on your back?'

'Nothing.'

'Bullshit, Lucius! What is it?'

'Just let it go, James.'

'His father... has been abusing him for years, Albus.'

"It's easier for you to think that we only fucked because you were under Imperius."

"That's not true," James retorted, outrageous.

"It is, Potter."

"Well, if I enjoy being the victim, you sure enjoy being the bastard quite a lot!"

Lucius sneered, "I can't deny that, can I?"

"I guess not. I remembered something, Malfoy. Did you try to kill Lily?" James let it drop like a bomb.

Lucius paled almost imperceptibly, but he soon regained his composure. "Does it matter?"

"No, but only because I know you didn't do it. Dumbledore told me right after Harry was born."

"Then why did you ask?"

James shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I just wanted to hear it from you. I knew you hated her but somehow I didn't believe that you were responsible for attacking her. I was confused. I didn't know what to believe. All I knew was that... that I had to protect her. You didn't try to kill her, right? Was Dumbledore telling the truth?"

"Yes. It was my father who tried to kill her, not me."

Lucius stared at him with a weird look and his gaze left James unbalanced.

"What else do you remember?" Lucius asked cautiously.

"I remember..." James closed his eyes for a moment to hold on to his ephemeral memories. "Something about your father. Something that Dumbledore said to me. He said he was a cruel man and that was all he could tell me at that point. But then I overheard his conversation with Madam Pomfrey and... I can't remember what the hell happened next! I can't even remember their exact words. All I can remember after that was Voldemort in my house and... And...," James voiced failed.

"I know. You still don't remember who fucked with you, do you? Does the name Pettigrew ring any bells?"

"Pettigrew? Yes, I remember him. He was this very small and clumsy boy who used to ask for my help all the time."

Lucius shook his head but decided to be quiet. James needed to remember things on his own. He was a little concerned about what Dumbledore had said to him about his father, but he wouldn't ask any more questions. He hated to even think about his father. There were certain things that were better left alone. The old bastard, who he had the displeasure to call father, was one was of those things.

"Lucius?" he heard James called him softly.

"Don't call me that," he replied harshly. "I'm tired of you, and I'm tired of this sick trip to the past! I don't want to remember anything about my past, Potter. Wait, let me finish," he rushed when he saw James ready to argue. "I know I said we needed to talk but I just realise that I don't want to."

"Don't you want to or are you afraid of what you may find out?"

James had touched a painful open wound. Lucius felt like he had to get out of there at that instant.

"I don't want to talk about this right now. I don't feel like talking. I think I'll go pay a visit to Damiana. While I'm gone, you should get some sleep. I'll be back at five. I need to buy a few items in Hogsmeade and-"

"Damiana? Who is she?" James asked without hiding his jealousy.

"None of your business," Lucius answered coldly.

"After this turmoil in my head you will just leave me here so that you can get laid?" James felt outrageous.

"What do you expect? I'm a bastard, remember? That's what bastards do."

"I want to go with you," James said defiantly.

"You what?" Lucius looked at him horrified.

"You heard me," James said triumphantly. "I'll go with you."

"You can't be seen, Potter!"

"And I won't. I'll be in disguise."

"How?"

"Well, I think I can still become Prongs," James said with a grin.

"Prongs?" Lucius asked as if he was talking to a lunatic.

James pondered if it was wise to tell Lucius about that. He would not only be putting his life in danger, but his friends' lives as well. Somehow, he felt like he could trust Lucius. He didn't know why but he had the sudden urge to please Lucius, to explain everything to him. He didn't need to tell him about Padfoot or Moony. He'd be enough.

"Prongs was my name when I was an Animagus. I was a stag," James explained quietly.

"What?" Lucius opened his eyes wide. "You are an Animagus? You? Damn you, Potter!" Lucius swore.

"Well, I'm out of practice really. I don't know if I'll be able to become Prongs that easy but I'm optimistic."

"I should have known. Damn you, Potter! Damn you to hell! Why did you make it and I didn't? I don't get it! I did everything right! And why didn't you choose a tiger or a puma? Christ! Only you would choose such a delicate and queer animal! I won't walk with a deer by my side," Lucius warned.

"It's a stag. A stag is a very large, beautiful and strong animal, Malfoy. Anyway, a deer is a cute animal."

"Stag, deer, what's the bloody difference?"

Lucius didn't care. All that mattered was that James Potter was an Animagus and he wasn't. He had thought about becoming one for a while, until he read that a wrong transformation could turn him into a monster. Yet, James had succeeded. But then again, the bastard always had a considerable strike of luck. Not just luck but everything. James had been the best Chaser Hogwarts had ever known. Lucius hated him for that and it was precisely because of that that he ended up teaching Draco how to be a Seeker instead. He had been afraid that Harry Potter would follow his father's steps. What a joke. Harry had turned to be the best Seeker of the school, and Draco had ended up just like Lucius, hidden in Potter's shadow.

'Like father, like son.' Lucius thought bitterly.

The Potters always made the Malfoys' lives a living hell. He snarled angrily.

"All right, Potter! I don't care how the hell you became an Animagus. You can come with me as long as you don't say a word. Damiana is a very smart woman and she can't be trusted so you better watch your back. One word, Potter, just one, and I'll kick your sorry arse! Do you understand me?"

"How can you sleep with this woman if you don't trust her?"

Lucius almost laughed insanely. "I can't believe you just asked that."

James looked at him offended. "That's not funny."

"It's hilarious, Potter." Lucius got closer to James. "I didn't trust you either, and yet I slept with you, didn't I? Just like I married Narcissa, as a matter of fact. Do you think I trusted her? I made sure that we had separate rooms right after our honeymoon in order to have a decent night of sleep without asking myself if that would be the day that she would kill me." Lucius took a deep breath. "Come to think of it, I did trust you once, like I had never trusted anyone in my entire life. Look how all turned out."

James focused on Lucius' lips and whispered, "That's not true. You never trusted me. Just like I never trusted you. That was why everything fell apart. I don't know if Draco and Harry are actually together, but somehow I think your son trusts mine. You never trusted me, Lucius."

"Don't you dare tell me what I felt back then, Potter," Lucius growled. "You have no idea."

"I don't because you never told me!"

Lucius almost had a tantrum. He counted to ten to restrain himself.

"You have ten minutes to get ready or I'll leave you here," he warned.

"What? Wait!"

Lucius didn't hear him and headed upstairs. James went after him quite irritated.

"How are we getting out of here? Isn't Hogsmeade far away from here? Where are we anyway?"

"Really?" James asked, surprised.

"Yes, Potter. I want you hooded. I won't walk with an Animagus by my side. Once we are there, please try to blend in and call as minimal attention as possible. I don't even want to hear your voice. Not a peep, Potter! And before you complain about it, let me warn you that it's not safe out there. Hogsmeade has been under Voldemort's vigilance day in day out. We can't make it easy for them to catch us."

"Good point, Malfoy. You are a wanted man now, not only for Voldemort but for the Ministry as well."

"I know. But I can take care of myself."

"I can take care of myself, too."

"Can you?"

James made Lucius turn so they could be face to face.

"Don't worry. I'll be very quiet, Malfoy," James whispered close to Lucius' lips. "You won't even know I'm there."

Lucius began to feel nervous at the proximity of their bodies. James was doing it on purpose, he knew it. Two could play that game.

"Care for joining Damiana and me in a threesome, Potter?" Lucius said seductively. "Perhaps that was your intention all along."

James pushed him away. "Is that what you are going to do in Hogsmeade? Have sex?"

They stared and Lucius was astonished to see hurt in James' eyes. He didn't know why he felt like he had to say the truth. He didn't want to. It wasn't as if he owed Potter any explanations. But somehow, as he looked at James' deep blue eyes, he felt like he had to.

"No," he whispered and soon pulled himself together. "Five minutes, Potter."

And then he left.

------------------

As soon as they entered Gewgaws, Damiana's little store in Hogsmeade, James felt strangely peaceful. There was some kind of magic in the air that seemed to let him quite calm. Lucius didn't seem affected by it though, which made him wonder if his current peace of mind had something to do with walking side by side with Luc for little more than thirty minutes. Wait a second. Had he just thought about Lucius as Luc? Was he that mad already? He shook his head. Now, more than ever, he was certain that there was something in air, messing with his head.

With the corner of his eyes, and his head protected by a large black hood, he watched Lucius talking to a short and quite attractive witch named Damiana. She had long black hair and intense black eyes, and her smile was very friendly. She didn't seem untrustworthy at all. She looked more like one of Lily's friends, one that used to smile all the time and lend her Potions notes to Sirius.

James smiled sadly at the memory.

"Your friend is sad," he heard Damiana say to Lucius.

"Is he?" Lucius shot James a cold look. "How perceptive of you. It amazes me that you can tell how he feels if you can't even see his face. Besides, who said we are friends? Mind your own business, Damiana."

James frowned at Lucius' open aggressive towards his lover. He was even more surprised at Damiana's calm expression. James would never let Lucius talk to him like that. Damiana didn't seem to mind though. James didn't know if he should feel angry about it or not.

"My visions used to amaze me, too," said Damiana with a smile. "I'm more than used to them now."

"What do you have for me?" Lucius asked dryly, not in the mood to discuss Damiana's weird perception.

"I have what you want. It's in the next room. But I still don't have the answer to your son's problem."

At those words, both Lucius and James stared at her with surprise.

"What do you know about that? Who told you?" Lucius asked quickly.

"You should have known by now, Lucius, that I know everything. But don't worry. I won't tell anyone. It's useless anyway. Everyone that matters already knows. And it's not like I have something to gain from it. One thing I know for sure is that your son will find peace very soon. You shouldn't worry," she said mysteriously.

"What do you mean by peace?"

"You'll know when the time comes."

"Damiana, don't play your sick games with me! Just tell me what-"

"It's useless, Lucius," she cut him off. "I won't tell you. I can't tell you. You know the rules. Now, let's talk business. Go to the other room and see for yourself the merchandise. Then we will negotiate prices. That book was very expensive. Don't even get me started with the other stuff! The black market... It's so awful. Cost me a lot of my money. Go on and see for yourself."

Lucius glanced at James before going into the next room. James was more surprised to see him obey her so easily than to hear about the black market.

"James Potter," called Damiana when they were alone.

James glanced at her shocked. "How do you-"

"Like I said, I know everything. Well, almost everything. It's quite annoying most of the time." She walked towards him and stopped a few feet away. "You can take off your hood. I won't inform anyone that you're here. It's a pleasure to meet you. I know your son. He bought two items from me already: a silver ring and an Argus. The Argus was hard to let go though. Those pieces are quite rare."

James took off the hood. "Why did he buy those things?"

"Because they were destined to find him. I was only a carrier. But what you want to know is who got the ring, and the Argus, right? Do you want to see it?"

"Can you show me?" she nodded and he asked, "How?"

He followed her to the back of the room and she made him stare at a blue crystal ball. James smiled.

"Everyone knows that crystal balls don't work," he said.

"This is not an ordinary ball, James."

"I don't trust you."

"Oh, I think you do." Damiana looked into his eyes and he felt hypnotised. "Take a look at the ball and it will show you where the silver ring and the Argus are. Concentrate. Concentrate very hard..."

Her voice went on in a hypnotic tone. His blue orbs enlarged, focusing only inside the ball. Everything around him seemed to disappear, and he was left with only Draco and Harry in a large room. He held his breath at the vision, amazed and shocked at the same time. He watched his son putting the ring in Draco's finger, kissing it. The boys kissed and then he heard Harry say quite clearly.

'I was never in love with her. Not even with her amulet trying to control my feelings. I was never in love with her because I was in love with you.'

And that was the end of James doubts about their relationship. His son was in love with the son of Satan. And the worst of it all was that he was in love with Satan himself. He opened his eyes wide at the scary thought. It was the revelation moment. He loved Lucius in the past; he was still in love with him in the present. Why, he had no idea.

The image changed. He saw his son again talking to a moody Draco. His heart broke at the sight of Harry's sad expression, but that didn't take long. Harry gave the Argus to Draco and things between them went back to normal. It was quite a shock to be able to witness how strong their love for each other was because the love was clear in every gesture and tender touches.

James couldn't help but feel ashamed of himself, of his weakness. In the past, he hadn't been strong enough to admit his love for another boy let alone for Lucius. Lucius had always been cold and restrained when they were together, but James hadn't made things easier for him to be anything else. He used to complain about Lucius' lack of feelings, but what about him? He had always treated Lucius very badly. He had never given Lucius a chance to show him who he really was, to prove to him that he could be a better man.

He blinked, a few memories coming back to him. Damiana placed a hand on his back to wake him.

"Why?" James asked in a whisper. "Why do I realise that I love him just by looking at Draco and Harry?"

"Because they reminded you of what you really wanted."

"I can't love him. Not anymore."

"Love doesn't work that way."

"But..."

She placed a finger on his lips. "You can't hide yourself from it anymore, James Potter. Actually, I advise you not to do it. It would be too painful not only for you but for him as well. I usually don't give people advice but this time I feel like I have to."

"He despises me," James affirmed very sure of it.

"Does he?" she took a blue ring from one of the shelves and gave it to him. "You must have realised by now that I only sell very unique magical objects. The one you're holding is called The True Love Ring. There are only three of them in the whole world. Put this in Lucius' finger and if it turns a very vivid red, it's because you and him are meant to be."

James smirked, "Yeah, right."

"It's true!"

"How do I know if this is not a control device of some sort? That it won't make him kill me the moment I put it on his finger?"

She smiled. "You have quite an imagination."

"It's not imagination. It's called paranoia. You would have it, too, if Voldemort had destroyed your life."

"The ring is not evil, James. But you won't find out unless you put it on his finger."

"What about the objects you sold Harry?"

"Oh, they can be dangerous. They can destroy your son, but only if used against him. The centaurs predicted death and pain for the future. Harry won't be immune to those things as much as anybody else will. But even though the centaurs can't see a bright future, I can. I believe in Harry Potter. He will save us all. He will know exactly what to do with those objects."

"Will he save himself?" James asked with his heart in his mouth.

Damiana didn't answer because Lucius came back to the room with a book on his hands and almost collapsed to see James without the hood and talking to Damiana, when he had strictly forbidden James to talk to her and to anyone else for that matter.

"What the fuck!" he exclaimed.

"Oh, chill o, Lucius. I knew your companion was James Potter. Haven't I told you a thousand times that you can't hide things from me? Especially not on my battlefield! So, shall we do business now? Are you satisfied with the book and the rest of the stuff?"

Lucius glared at James and then at Damiana. "Yes, I'm satisfied. It has everything I need."

While Lucius and Damiana discussed the price for a true 'masterpiece of ancient magic' according to her, James considered everything he had just found out. That day had been awfully stressful and he wanted nothing more than to go back to the cabin and hide himself from the world. He was good at hiding, he thought with bitterness.

He looked outside the window, wishing Lily was there to guide him. Lily had known James better than he had known himself. He closed his eyes as a few more memories invaded his head. He almost whimpered when he recollected the day Lily said to him that she knew about his feelings for Lucius and that she wanted him to go to him.

'I don't mind, James. I guess... I guess you and I are living a dream. A beautiful dreams, but just a dream. We have Harry connecting us forever, but we both know that we are just best friends. He needs you, you said it yourself. I see how much you want to be with him. Go to him. I guess... I guess that maybe it's time for me to admit my feelings for him as well.'

James took a deep breath, his heart beating painfully inside. The man Lily had loved but never said anything had been the detestable Severus Snape. James wondered if he should tell the grease bastard that Lily liked him and that she had died loving him.

He opened his eyes and stared blankly at the peaceful landscape. That day, many years ago, he had packed his things to go looking for Lucius, to tell him that he loved him more than anything. But Voldemort had found him first.

James' head started to ache but he stayed quiet. He was confused, to say the least. Lucius would never believe him and he didn't even know where to begin with. There was so much to fix between them, so many words left unsaid. He sighed, and while he thought about it, something caught his attention. He blinked a few times in order to convince himself that he was daydreaming, but no matter how many times his eyelashes batted, the two identical blond boys wouldn't leave his sight.

"Malfoy?" he called.

"What, Potter? Can't you see I'm busy over here?" Lucius answered, annoyed.

"Does Draco have a twin?"

Lucius glared at him before replying belligerently, "No, Potter! What kind of stupid question is that?"

"This will sound very crazy but I think... I think that I'm seeing double. There are two Dracos out there."

"What?" Lucius asked worriedly, going to the window to see for himself and gasping at the sight of the blond boys. "What the fuck."

"Indeed. What's going on?"

Damiana shuddered as a vision came upon her. "The sky is darkening."

"What are you talking about? The sky looks pretty normal to me."

"I think she's talking metaphorically, Malfoy," James explained as if he was talking to a child.

"Shut up, Potter."

"He's coming. You must go. Now. Things are about to get really messy." Damiana's eyes opened wide.

"What? Who's coming?" it was James time to ask.

Lucius didn't take too long to realise that the person coming was Voldemort.

"He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named," she said. "Pretty soon Hogsmeade will be full of Death Eaters. Oh, no!" she covered her mouth with her hands. "He's here as well. But why? He shouldn't be here. You can't stay, James, and neither can you, Lucius, but I'm afraid you will have to. He's too close. He can claim your soul."

"Who the hell is here, too?" Lucius shouted, hating the fact that Damiana was speaking so incoherently.

And when she said it, James almost had a heart attack.

"Harry..."

-----------------

Life hadn't been too easy for Ron Weasley. It looked as though he had everything he'd ever wanted, but somehow, there was still missing something very important. Maybe it was Invitation Letter to join him.

He was ashamed to admit that he was tempted. The things Voldemort promised were very hard to dismiss. He could have money and prestige, for instance. But what was the point of having those things if in order to get them he would have to torture and kill innocent people?

Many students had been departing Hogwarts without a good explanation, but everyone knew that they had left to join the Death Eaters. The most surprising thing was to notice that they weren't all Slytherins. There were at least two Gryffindors and a couple of Ravenclaws among them, too.

He looked at the letter, wondering if he should just burn or show it to Harry and Hermione first.

"Ron! Thank God I found you."

Ron turned around and saw Hermione running in his direction with a worried expression.

"What happened?" Ron quickly said, folding the letter and putting it inside his pocket.

His face went slightly red for getting caught with that letter in his hands, but Hermione didn't notice a thing. Of course, she didn't even know what the letter was about, and Ron decided to wait to tell her. The truth was that he was afraid of her reaction.

After regaining her breath, Hermione spit it out, "Harry is going to something stupid."

"What's new?" Ron dared to joke.

If Hermione wasn't so tired from the running, she would have hexed him.

"We don't have time to lose, Ron. We need to find Harry."

"How do you know he's in trouble?"

"Ginny saw him stealing Polyjuice potion from Snape's office."

"What? How did that happen?"

"I don't know, Ron, that's why we have to find him," Hermione said in a rush. "I don't know what Harry's up to, but it can't be good. I looked for him everywhere but I couldn't find him. I think he's going to meet Pansy today. Do you know what that means?"

"That he's a bastard for leaving us out of the plan!" Ron exclaimed.

"That's a way to look at it." Hermione frowned. "Come to think of it, Harry is a bastard for leaving us out. But that's not the point here. Don't you remember what Dumbledore said today? He forbade the students to go to Hogsmeade. He didn't say why, but we all know that the reason is probably Voldemort. Can't you see? Harry is up to something and if he is really going to Hogsmeade today, he's in grave danger! We need to stop him! Or at least go to his rescue!"

"Bollocks!"

"We have to find Professor Lupin and warn him about it. He will know what to do."

"Alright."

And so they headed for Remus' office, Ron's decision of telling her about the letter long forgotten...

--------------

Harry looked around and seeing no one in sight, he stopped in front of the humpbacked witch and said the password. The statue slid aside and he made his way into thand on his shoulder and he jumped from the fright. He turned around and met a pair of very cold silver-blue eyes.

"Draco! What are you doing here?" he asked.

"I could ask you the same thing, Potter," Draco pointed out, crossing his arms.

Harry sighed. He hated when Draco called him Potter with that disgusted tone of voice. Things between them had been hanging by a thread. Harry knew he was supposed to be patient around Draco but sometimes he just couldn't stand that icy look and that damn smirk. It reminded him too much of the old Draco Malfoy, the one he hated more than anything in his life. Besides that, there was still the kiss shared between him and Zabini, a scene that he just couldn't get over.

They had made up, but there were still many unresolved issues bothering Harry. It was getting harder to control Draco's mood swings. In three days, they had argued enough for a lifetime. It looked as though everything in Harry annoyed Draco, from his messy hair to his choice of clothes and perfume. And then there were the faints. Draco was becoming weaker by the day, and Harry hated to see him like that. He just couldn't bear the thought of losing Draco. And he wouldn't.

That was why he had to meet Pansy that day. He couldn't lose that opportunity. And the best of it all was that he would be disguised as Draco. Luck for him, a little before he had sent his letter to Pansy, he'd heard a very interesting conversation between Sirius and Snape about the Polyjuice potion and how a big lot of it would be ready in a few minutes. That was the moment that Harry had decided to steal a little of the potion and write a letter to Pansy as if he was Draco. That way Pansy wouldn't deny helping him. Or so he thought.

He had successfully foiled Hermione that day so he could go to Hogsmeade alone. Everything was so perfect until Draco came along.

"Were you following me?" Harry asked, upset.

"No!" Draco denied quickly, too quick for Harry's taste.

"I don't believe you."

"Believe whatever you want, Potter. You are the one who has to explain to me why you are here. Dumbledore told us to stay in Hogwarts today. Hogwarts, Harry, not Hogsmeade!"

"I... wasn't going to Hogsmeade..." Harry said bashfully.

"Oh, really? So you just felt like going for a stroll in a dark and muddy place?" Draco smirked.

"Yes, that was exactly it!" Harry crossed his arms and held his chin high.

Draco snorted, "Please, don't insult my intelligence."

"Listen, Draco, I just need to go to the Shrieking Shack and spend some time alone," Harry lied poorly.

Draco snorted. "You are unbelievable, Potter! That is such a shitty lie!"

"It's not! And I'm going."

Harry entered the passage and Draco followed him.

"Go back!" Harry ordered while he dusted himself off.

"No. If you're going to meet Pansy, then I wanna be there."

Harry's eyes opened up widely. "How do you... I mean... Who said I'm going to meet Pansy? I'm not!"

Draco smirked. "Yeah, sure. Then the letter I received from Pansy today delaying our date is just an illusion."

Harry pretended an outrageous expression. "You have a date with Pansy?"

"Oh, spare me, Potter! I know it was you! At first I wondered if I was going nuts but then Hermione explained your stupid plan to me. Of course, the plan was that you would meet her, not me! Then Ginny Weasley told us a very interesting story about how Harry Potter stole Polyjuice Potion from Snape's office and it was then that I understood." Draco looked hurt. "How could you do this? Hermione is sick worried about you."

"Hermione agreed with the plan!"

"She thought she would go with you."

"I decided to go alone. I don't want to put any of my friends in danger," Harry said.

"That's not the only reason why she's so worried. Today is the worst day to be in Hogsmeade. Voldemort will attack the village. Dumbledore didn't say it, but we all know what his speech meant. "

"I'm not afraid of Voldemort."

Draco frowned. "You're not. Of course. I mean, you are the hero. You think you're invincible and-"

Harry rolled his eyes and cut him off, "Just shut up! You should see a therapist for this hero issue."

"I don't need a therapist!" Draco shouted. "But you do since you are not afraid of being killed!"

"Voldemort can't kill me," Harry said quietly.

"How the hell do you know that?" Draco asked, not believing him.

"I know because I dreamt about it. In my dream I heard Voldemort telling Pettigrew that he's bonded to me and if he kills me, he dies, too. We all know what my dreams with Voldemort means. So yes, I'm pretty sure that the dream was real. Of course, it doesn't mean he'll stop harassing me every chance he gets... and I do admit that my meeting with Pansy today is highly risky, but I have to try, Draco. I just have to. The truth is that I can't stand to see you suffering anymore," Harry confessed sincerely, making Draco's eyes flickered. "Pansy is the only one who can convince Goyle to undo what he has done to you! I don't care if Voldemort will be there, too. I just have to..." Harry's voice failed. "I just..."

"I know, Harry," Draco said in a soft tone of voice.

"Then don't try to stop me," Harry pleaded.

"Stop you?" Draco shook his head. "Of course I won't stop you. You're Harry Potter! You've been training to be an Auror at the age of sixteen and you can do wandless magic. I'm positive that you can handle Pansy with your eyes shut. That's not the problem. The problem number one is Voldemort and his minions. The problem number two is that I bet you don't have a plan. And I mean a good one. Pansy knows how to cast the killing curse," he explained. "What if she realises that you are not me? What if she attacks you? Just remember that I haven't talked to Pansy in a long time. She must be angry with me. Don't expect her to be pleased to see 'me'. She will question you; ask things you don't know about."

"Then what do you suggest?" Harry asked, already foreseeing what Draco would say next.

"That I go with you."

Harry smiled feebly. He had been right in his assumptions.

"That's why you are here alone, isn't it?" Harry asked, suddenly very aware of that fact. "Because you wanted us to go there, just the two of us."

Draco nodded. "You can't go without me. I'll be in your Invisibility cloak, that way I can help you. Face it, you need my help. You know nothing about Pansy and me. You know nothing about our relationship. Pansy is not that stupid, you know?"

"I can take care of myself."

Draco sneered. "Pardon me, Harry, but you don't know how to be me."

"Wanna bet?" Harry provoked him. "I've been watching you long before we got together. I know two or three thing about you, Malfoy."

"It doesn't mean you can play me. You're a Potter," Draco taunted. "Potters are kind by nature. You are not at all malicious like a Malfoy should be."

"You're not like that either, even though you've been behaving like a prick these past few days."

"That's the thing. The person you've been living with day by day is the real me," Draco said desolately. "You know that. I was only good because of you. Your company made me wanna be a better person. But the potion showed me that I can't escape from my destiny and-" Draco was shushed by Harry's hand in his lips.

"Don't, Draco. We both know you have your flaws, we all have! But that doesn't make you a bad person."

"I didn't say anything about flaws! I don't have any flaws! I'm perfect the way I am!"

Harry rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah. That was what I was talking about."

Draco made an outrageous face and swore under his breath that he was a fucking Malfoy and Malfoys didn't have fucking imperfections, except Tieran Malfoy, the Primitive, who had a huge nose and some believed that it had the same size of his dick. Harry laughed.

"Alright, Potter," Draco said upset. "I suggest that we go and leave these stupid issues for later on. We have a meeting to attend to." Draco stuck up his nose in the air and walked away like he was a prince. Harry couldn't help but giggle.

"You really are something, Draco Malfoy," Harry said with a grin.

"Just shut up. We need to kick Pansy's ass."

"I don't think this is a good idea, Draco," Harry said seriously. "You're not well!"

Draco stopped to stare at him. "I'm fine."

"No, you're not!"

Draco sighed. "Just let me do this with you, Harry. I don't wanna feel like I'm useless."

"You're not useless, you're just..."

"Sick, I know. But I can help you out with this, I know I can. I am going. You can't stop me, Potter."

Harry still tried to make him listen to the voice of reason, but Draco was determined to go. And so they went.