Take me Home

Chap. 6 - SECRETS AND LIES

Severus Snape had never understood how the feminine mind worked. Erin was the worst of them all because she was his wife and was pregnant with his baby. He knew he had to be patient with her, but her constant mood swings were driving him nuts. But no matter how much hard work she could get in a day, he was totally in love with her and that was something extraordinary for a guy like him. It was his love for her that had given him strength to endure her daily crying sessions over nothing at all and had made him put up with her strange taste for weird combinations of foods such as ice-cream with broccoli.

He had put up with many things in the name of love, but his near infinite patience had a limit. There was a thin line between the things he could tolerate for love and the things he wouldn't. Erin's long lost brother was one of them.

His name was Alexis Lestrange, a man with dark hair and eyes and an intense - and yet dark again - gaze. He was the kind of guy that women seemed to be so fond of, not just good-looking - even though Severus didn't pay attention to a man's beauty - but with a something extra added to it. He was the dangerous type, the kind of man that you would forbid your daughter to go out with - but you knew that she would. Black had been like that in the past. In fact, Alex - who had been rescued by Remus Lupin from dying of hypothermia - resembled Sirius Black a lot and that was why Severus didn't trust him.

Alex had told them a very well-elaborated fairytale about belonging to a group in Romania who was against Voldemort. He had travelled so far because he had heard about Erin and it had been too long since their last meeting. He needed to see her and warn the Order of Phoenix about the Green Flame - Voldemort's new goal. But Severus had his doubts about it. To him, Alex was hiding something. All that façade could have fooled Erin and Dumbledore, but it wouldn't fool him and Lupin - who told him that his werewolf sense had felt something wrong about Alex.

Erin, too happy with her brother's return, seemed to be blind about Alex's true intentions. Severus wouldn't allow him to hurt his wife. He would rather die first.

"Sev, aren't you coming to bed?" Erin asked from the door.

"I'm waiting for Draco. He's coming to pick up his restorative."

Draco. The boy didn't deserve what was happening to him. He was such a brilliant boy - his number one student - and if Severus didn't find the cure to the Amarulentus poison - which wasn't the most dangerous poison ever created but with dreadful effects - he would never forgive himself. Not that he would let that happen. He was the best Potion Master of his generation. He would find a cure no matter what.

He had already discovered - thanks to Lucius' vast collection of dark books - the ingredients of the poison, something that the stupid Goyle hadn't thought they would.

The good news was that Draco wouldn't have to put up with Gregory Goyle anymore, because the boy had left to join his father and Voldemort's cadre. If Goyle hadn't left, Severus was very sure that Dumbledore would have had him expelled. That or Lucius would have finished the boy off.

The bad news was that Draco's temper was getting worse by the day. Severus caught him more than once shouting and being spiteful with the others - especially the Hufflepuffs. Draco didn't seem to be getting a hold of himself anymore, and he had fought with Harry because of it, making the raven-haired boy seek comfort in Ginny Weasley. Severus knew all of this not just because he had been paying attention but also because Draco had made him his confident again - to his distress. He hated to be someone's confident.

To Draco's relief, Severus had come up with a restorative tonic to help him to control his violent impulses. So far, it seemed to be working.

"Sev? Sev?" Erin's soft voice brought him back from his thoughts.

"What?"

Erin sighed, "Never mind." She sat on his lap and rested her head on his shoulder, whispering, "I'm worried about Draco."

Severus grimaced, "Aren't we all? Even Lucius is worried, and that's something. He told me that he is doing the best he can to find the book that has the cure for Amarulentus. I'm stunned. It was as if Draco's poisoning has awakened his father's instincts. He's even thinking about contacting Narcissa to tell her about it."

"Oh, my. Narcissa will be devastated when she hears about it." Erin shuddered. "Can you imagine what it's like for a parent to know that their son is dying and that they can do nothing about it?" Severus gripped her hands. "Draco is being so strong about all of this. I know he hasn't been feeling well and yet he says nothing! He doesn't complain, he doesn't cry... He even pushed Harry away to protect him. I don't know why he did it! Harry has the right to know. It's not like he won't know if Voldemort is really using Draco against him."

"Draco doesn't want us to tell him, Erin, and we will respect his decision."

"I don't like it and I don't think its right. Harry is suffering, I feel it. He doesn't understand what is going on." Erin looked at him in a way that Severus didn't like it, and the moment she began talking again he knew why, "You should talk to Harry. I'm not saying that you should tell him, just... make him realise that something is wrong! He has a bond with Draco and I don't understand why it isn't working. Why can't he feel?"

"I don't know, Erin. But since we're talking about feelings, why can't you feel that something is not right with your brother?" Erin made a face but Severus went on, "I'm serious! You know he's lying to us!"

"He's not lying!" she objected. "He's just... omitting... stuff about his past. It doesn't mean that he is lying."

"Oh, please! It's a matter of semantics, for Merlin's sake! Omitting, lying, it's the same damn thing! I'll make him talk, Erin, whether you like it or not. I'll prepare some truth serum for the Order and-"

"No way! You won't do it! You wouldn't have the guts!"

Their eyes battled silently. Erin didn't want to scare her brother away before she even got to know him; and Severus was only trying to be reasonable. He wasn't born yesterday. Something wasn't right with Alex and he would find out what it was. He had a family, something he'd never thought he would have, and he would do anything in his power to protect his wife and child.

Their gaze was broken by Draco's arrival.

"Sir?"

"Come in, Draco."

Erin looked at Draco's pale features with worry. "You should tell him, Draco," she said.

Draco didn't say a word. He just waited for Severus to hand him the restorative.

"Draco..." Erin called him and he looked up. "You're a fighter. You've been through a lot lately and yet you don't whine and you don't give up. But I think that if you tell Harry about what's going on, his love will help you even more."

"I know. It's just... I don't want him to suffer. I don't want..." Draco's voice failed.

"He's already suffering."

"Yeah, right," Draco grimaced. "He's hanging out with Ginny Weasley now."

"That's not true."

"You know, Draco, if you don't tell Potter about it then I will," Severus threatened.

"No! I'm not ready to tell him! Dammit!" his anger started to rise and he felt a pang inside his heart.

Severus knew that he could only imagine what was happening inside of Draco but he would never really know. He couldn't possibly know what it was like to be young with your whole life ahead of you and at the next minute find out that you were dying and that you had only a few months left to live. Wait a minute. Actually, he did know. He had been a Death Eater for Merlin's sake! He had all the right to threaten Draco. At least Draco had people around who cared for him.

"It doesn't have to be this way," Severus told him kindly, so kindly that even Erin looked at him thunderstruck. "The fact that you're keeping secrets from Potter is making your behaviour worse than it should be and you know it."

Draco breathed hard, took the restorative in his hands and nodded. "I know. I know. But I saw him with Weasley today and she really loves him. I think... it's better this way. If I die, Harry will have someone to comfort him. Maybe he won't even suffer too much. He will remember me as a distant memory. That's how I want it to be."

Severus held the urge to shake Draco until he got out of that depressive state of mind. Instead, he said harshly, "You won't die, Draco! Goyle lied to you! He was just toying with you. He wanted to hurt you and he did it! We'll find a cure somewhere. Dammit! I'll discover it even if it kills me!"

Draco looked at him with astonishment and admiration. He never thought Severus cared for him so much. That same odd behaviour was happening to his father as well, who was writing to Draco every day to find out about his current state. Draco had never felt so loved by those two men who were considered by many as only harsh and cold.

"I appreciate what you're doing to help me, Professor. I really do," he smiled weakly before he left.

Erin hugged Severus, her eyes full of tears. "Why is this happening?"

"Because we're stupid, that's why! We're all stupid. But Lucius deserves the medal for being the most stupid of us all. He could have prevented all of this if it wasn't for his damn ambitions and his fear of Voldemort."

"At least this incident with Draco seems to touch his cold soul," Erin reminded him.

"I hope so, Erin. I hope so..."

-------------

Draco's soul was giving up. For the past two weeks he'd been trying to fight the harmful effects of the poison without any success. Every day, a void grew inside his heart, taking control of him. He was colder than any Malfoy had ever been. But that wasn't because of the poison alone but rather for the fact that he wasn't with Harry anymore. Harry was the light of his life; he was the one that kept him good and strong. Without him he was nothing but a pathetic rich spoiled-brat.

He didn't want to be that way. He certainly didn't find it funny anymore to make stupid comments about someone's lack of manners or money. He had grown up; he was more mature. He didn't need that life anymore. He had passed that. Or had he?

His love for Harry had made him more mature and that was the simple truth. He was weak without Harry. That poison that took over his body slowly and ached inside his heart didn't even compare to what it was like to be without Harry. The sad fact had been proven. He couldn't live without Harry but Harry could live without him.

Because of that he had surrendered himself to his true nature. His father had warned him about it. He had guaranteed to Draco that there was no way of escaping the Malfoys' curse. His ancestors had never met love. The ones who had, had died of madness or been murdered. And Draco was the living proof that the curse was real. Malfoys weren't supposed to love.

The poison itself wasn't making him darker. He was responsible for that.

With all those dark thoughts on his mind, his vision began to blur, and he would have fallen on the ground if Blaise hadn't caught him quickly.

"Merlin, Draco! You still didn't take the restorative, did you?" Blaise asked with Draco in his arms. "I can't baby-sit you, you know?"

"Sod off, Zabini!" Draco found strength to shout. "This sudden kindness of yours makes me sick!"

"Kindness? I'm not kind, Malfoy! I'm your worse nightmare!"

"Yeah, right," Draco sneered. "You and I both know that this is not true. Why are you helping me, Zabini? And don't say some shit about not liking Goyle. You want something. What is it?"

Blaise sighed, "Maybe I just want to be your friend."

Draco stared at him in disbelief. "Bullshit. You want something else. You want me, don't you?"

Blaise didn't look at him because deep down he knew it was true. Not the whole true though. Draco had been his obsession for so long that he just needed closure. He needed to prove to himself that he felt nothing for Draco anymore and so far he was succeeding. But every once in a while he had the urge to kiss Draco, just to know. He loved Seamus but he just couldn't forget Draco.

"No!" Blaise denied after a while. "I don't want you."

"Liar," Draco stated, his eyes twinkling in a way that Blaise didn't like.

Usually, when Draco had that look, it meant that he would do something he would regret later. Blaise had learned to read Draco's eyes. He had to, since Draco had been too unstable to deal with lately.

"I'm not lying," Blaise snarled.

"You are. I notice the way you've been looking at me. Seamus isn't a good lover, huh? I guess he's not handling you very well," Draco smiled viciously; his lips close to Blaise's. "I'm a good lover. Ask Potter and he will tell you all about it. Of course, Potter is too sweet, you know? He's not into the kinky stuff. But I bet you are. What do you say, Zabini? It's a hell of an offer. You can have me. I'm offering myself to you."

Blaise never thought he would live to hear that. He knew Draco wasn't himself. In fact, that Draco was scaring him. He was tempted to accept it, but he knew it wasn't real. He knew what Draco was doing. Blaise had done the same thing in the past. He was trying to hurt himself in order to feel.

"You don't know what you're talking about. It's not you, Draco! It's the p-"

"Shush." Draco placed a finger in Blaise's lips.

Blaise felt Draco's lips claiming his own urgently. He didn't kiss Draco back but he also didn't pull away. There was only one name screaming inside his head and it was Seamus. It wasn't a bad thing that Draco had kissed him because now he knew who he really loved.

But he didn't count on something or even someone. Someone that was as shocked as a person could be by the scene that was playing right in front of his eyes. Harry was right behind them, his green-leaf eyes shining with unshed tears.

Blaise saw Harry trying to articulate the words but he could bet that they were all stuck in his throat.

"W-what... w..."

Blaise stared at Draco, whose eyes seemed terribly empty.

"Why?" Harry whispered.

"Because I can," Draco said coldly.

Harry shook his head, shaken. "This is not right."

"Sod off, Potter. I don't need you anymore."

"I d-don't u-understand," Harry's voice shattered.

"Then you're really dense."

Draco's voice was so sharp that it cut across Harry's heart like a knife and there was nothing left for him to do but to run away. Blaise cursed under his breath and then looked at Draco with incredulity. He was loss for words as much as Harry had been and the only thing he managed to say was 'fuck'.

"What the hell did you just do?" shouted Blaise but Draco didn't react. "He's going to tell Seamus! Are you mental? Do you want to ruin my life? Because you just did! Dammit, Malfoy! You ruined your life as well! Go after him! Explain to him what's happening. That wasn't you, right? That's not you!"

"You're wrong, Zabini. This is me. This is the real me," Draco replied indifferently. "I should thank Goyle for showing me what I'm like for real. Potter was just a detour from my path. Warn everyone that Draco Malfoy is back."

"What? You are mental! I'll go get Professor Snape."

"Don't bother. I'm fine. In fact, I've never been better."

And before Blaise could do or say anything else, Draco muttered the password to the Prefects room and vanishing inside the secret passage, leaving a very horrified Blaise at a loss at what to do.

----------------

When Draco entered inside his room, he instantly began to shiver uncontrollably. He looked at his reflection in the mirror, trying to understand what he had just done.

"What did you do? What did you do? What did you do?" he repeated over and over.

'You blew it,' answered his reflection. 'It was about time if you ask me. You're a Malfoy! You're finally acting like one!'

"NO! That's not true!" Draco shouted.

'Oh, yes, dear, it is. Now you're finally seeing it. Voldemort will be pleased.'

"NO!"

'We are what we are, dear. You can't escape from your destiny.'

Draco shook his head fiercely.

'Harry hates you now. You saw it. You saw in his eyes. He didn't even stay to fight for you.'

"Oh, God, Harry." Draco shut his eyes tightly, not able to look at himself anymore.

He had hurt the only person that he would die for; the sweetest person he had ever met. His father was right about his personality. Malfoys eventually screwed up things really badly. He had just seen it. Worst of all, he had felt it, and Harry - his sweet Harry - had a taste of his dark side, too.

Inside his head, the wicked voice kept poisoning his soul, telling him to do things he didn't want to, ordering him to go back to Voldemort, to fight for his cause. He didn't deserve someone like Harry; he was worse than scum. He was evil and there was no way out of that. His destiny was bound to the Dark Lord, not to Harry.

Still, Draco fought against the voice that was trying to possess him completely. He let out a screech, picked up the first object that his hand touched and tossed it with all his might against the mirror, as if that alone would stop the voice. The mirror shattered into tiny little pieces making a big crash. He cared neither about the mess he had made nor for the fact that his hands were bleeding. He trashed the rest of his bedroom, knelt down on the floor and cried.

A few minutes later, Hermione managed to unlock the door, finding him with blood in his hands and with an empty expression.

"Holy shit! What did you do?" She knelt beside him with a desperate expression, not quite knowing what to do. "Talk to me, Draco! Are you all right? What happened here? For Merlin's sake! Talk to me! Are you hurt?"

At the word 'hurt' Draco smirked in a sad way.

"Yes, I'm hurt," he muttered, still looking empty and giving her the creeps.

"Where?" she took his hands gently but apart from a few little cuts, there was nothing wrong.

"Here." Draco placed a hand on his heart.

"Oh, Draco... What did you do? What caused this rampage?"

He shook his head, the words refusing to leave his mouth.

"I think half of the school heard you. I wouldn't be surprised if Snape came in at any moment. Would you rather be with him? I can call him for you if you want me to." She tried to stand up to leave but he dragged her back down.

"Don't go. I don't think I can be alone right now."

"What happened, Draco?" she asked tiredly.

He sighed sadly, and after a deep breath, he started his long narrative about what was happening to him. To his surprise, after the end of it, he was feeling quite lighter, like a heavy burden had been lifted from his shoulders.

Hermione was shocked about the whole thing. She asked him many questions but he failed to answer most of them. Draco didn't know much about the poison. Snape had given him a restorative that wasn't working at all but he had said it was to soothe the Potion master's heart.

"The restorative was supposed to placate my anger but so far it hasn't done much."

"Why didn't you tell Snape that?" Hermione asked angrily.

"Because... I don't know. He seemed so optimistic that I didn't want to spoil it."

"But, Draco," her voice was soft but firm, just as if she was talking to a child, "If you don't tell him the truth then how the hell do you think he'll be able to help you?"

He frowned. "You've been swearing a lot lately, haven't you?"

"That's not the issue here! Why haven't you talked to Harry? He's been miserable for the past few days, wondering what the hell was wrong with you and what he did wrong to make you look like a train had rolled over you, and now look at what you did! Zabini is right! You ruined it all!"

He looked at her with despair.

"I know," he whispered. "Why do you think I had a nervous break down? That it was nothing? I know I screwed up royally with Harry." He passed the hand across his hair, messing it. "I don't know why I did it. It was stronger than me. I just had to hurt him. Goyle warned me about this. I guess it was all for the best. Now Harry will hate me but at least I won't be able to hurt him anymore."

"BULLSHIT!" Hermione shouted with all of her indignation.

Draco's eyes flew open but before he could say anything, someone knocked on the door.

"Is everything all right?" the Hufflepuff Head-Girl asked.

"Yes, everything is fine. The show is over. Go back to bed," Hermione said and Draco almost smiled at her tone of voice.

The girl didn't knock again, clearly afraid of Hermione's bossy tone.

"Now, Mister, you and I are going to have a long talk. And when I say long, I really mean it!"

It was amazed to Draco how Hermione did seem to care for his fragile state but she didn't treat him as if he was about to break. Professor Snape and Erin had been treating him as if he was a delicate flower but Hermione thought differently.

"You shouldn't believe Goyle! He is lying to you. Work with me here! He said Voldemort knows about it, right? Then why hasn't he done anything yet? If I were him, by now I'd have sent Harry a ransom note; make sure that he knew what was going on with you so I could hurt him. But so far he has done nothing! Don't you think this is a little suspicious? Pansy also doesn't know either! Goyle said it himself! He did it all alone," she stopped for a moment to make a face. "Well, not all alone because he's not that smart. But anyway, he just wanted to teach you a lesson, to make you suffer; to make you lose control and you played his game!"

Draco raised an eyebrow, cussing himself silently. Why hadn't he thought about that before?

"You just fell like a stupid bug into a spider web! You men are so stupid..."

"Hey! He's poisoned me! Do you have any idea what it feels like? My life is slipping through my fingers and I can't do anything to prevent it! The process has already started. I've been feeling ill and hearing voices!" he fumed. "Do you think it's easy? It's not! I'm bloody hearing voices!"

"You're right, it's not easy," she said in a motherly tone of voice. "I'm sorry, Draco. It's just that I can't stand to see you like this. You had a major break down today." She looked at the trashed bedroom and sighed, "If you did this here, I can only imagine what you did to Harry. He must be feeling very depressed... Maybe I should go after him."

That thought hadn't crossed Draco's mind. He worried, wondering if he should go after Harry.

"Do you think... do you think he would do something...?" Draco couldn't finish. The thought was too unbearable for him to handle at that moment.

"No, not Harry." Hermione thought about it for a moment, making Draco even more nervous

"Hermione..."

"NO! Harry won't do anything. I know he won't. But you'll have to talk to him tomorrow!"

"He won't understand. He will never forgive me."

Draco buried his face on his hands, hating himself for being so weak.

"He will. He loves you."

"But I hurt him too much. And with Zabini!"

"Poor Zabini. He is more amiable this year, you know? Why did you do it?"

"I just had to. Something compelled me to do it."

"You'll fix it all tomorrow."

"Tomorrow might be too late."

He said it with such conviction that Hermione shivered.

"You don't mean it."

"What about Ginny? They seem so close..."

"Harry doesn't love Ginny."

"I wouldn't be so sure."

"After all you lived through with Harry you still have doubts?"

"You make everything seem so silly and simple and yet it's not."

"I know, Draco. But the fact is that I'm sure Snape will find a cure for your problem. Every poison has an antidote, it doesn't matter how hard it is to find. And Snape is very competent. He will find it I'm sure of it. In fact, I'll help him with it."

Draco smiled weakly. "Thanks, Hermione. You're really something."

She blushed slightly. "I'd never seen Harry as happy as when he was with you. I believe that you are soul mates. And I'll do whatever I can to help you, for you and for Harry's sake as well. Well," she stood up and stretched. "Let's clean those cuts on your hands, clean this bedroom and go to bed."

"I don't feel like cleaning this now..."

"Well, I suppose we can clean it tomorrow."

"Why don't we let the house-elves do the job?"

"No way! They're not your slaves, you know? You did this, you'll clean it!"

Draco sighed, "All right, but not today."

"You can't sleep here. Let's go to my bedroom."

He smirked. "Well, Hermione, are you asking me to sleep with you?"

"Not like that, perv! Besides, you'll sleep on the couch!"

"Do you have any idea about what might happen to your reputation if...?"

"Who bloody cares? People are already talking about me because I left Harry to be with Ron. Besides, since when you're so polite?"

He glared at her but decided to say anything. "Are you sure about this?"

"Yes, Draco. But you'll have to promise me that you'll tell Harry the truth about the poisoning."

"I will."

"Good." Then she smiled mischievously. "Now, Mr. Malfoy, let's go to bed."

He smiled feebly, trying to look as confident as her, but inside he was a wreck. He wondered if he should go after Harry; beg for his forgiveness at that moment. But he was scared. Something in his heart was telling him that it wouldn't be easy to win Harry back. Not after what he had done. And Draco cried in silent despair.

-----------------

From Remus' point of view, it was very disturbing to look at Alexis Lestrange, mostly because of his eyes. Alex's black eyes were not only dation to the most delicious temptation. Remus had been quite surprised about the way Alex made him feel from the start. The moment their eyes had met, he felt a tingle running down his spine, a weakness that he couldn't understand.

The only one that had made him feel that way was Sirius. The only difference was that Sirius didn't look at Remus the way Alex did, like he wanted to devour him completely. Every time they'd met, Alex hadn't talked much; he had just stared in that seductive and annoying way that Remus couldn't help but respond to.

It had been attraction at first sight. Every time their gazes met, Remus' body reacted to it. He was scared of those feelings that he could neither control nor understand, mainly because he didn't trust Alex's intentions, but he couldn't help the tingle and the dizziness that came upon him every time Alex had passed by him and brushed his hands on his slightly. It was lust in its purest state.

But so far Remus had been doing a good job of keeping a safe distance between them. At least until that night.

He was reading his students' assignments when Alex abruptly appeared at his door with a predatory expression. Remus stared at him, puzzled. As Alex got closer to him, his nose picked up something that startled him. When he looked deeply into Alex's eyes, he knew for sure what he had just sensed.

"You're... y-you're a-a...," Remus stuttered.

"Yes," Alex answered in a guttural and sexy tone of voice. "I'm a werewolf, just like you."

Shock was the simplest way to describe what Remus was feeling at that moment. Alex's stare set him on fire and quickened his breath. He knew now what drew him to that mysterious man so much. It was the recognition of the wolf. He was surprised that he hadn't sensed it before.

"What do you want?" Remus whispered, trying to break his gaze from Alex's but failing miserably.

Alex smiled in a way that made his insides burn. "I thought it was obvious. Can't you sense it?"

Remus shook his head and gulped. He knew what Alex wanted but he wasn't ready to face it.

Alex pulled Remus against his body and the tip of their noses touched. Alex's male scent made its way into Remus' nostrils, making him moan involuntarily. They were going too fast for Remus but he couldn't help it. The feeling was too strong for him to ignore.

"It's amazing," whispered Alex, his breath caressing Remus face like a gentle breeze.

"What?"

"The way you make me feel. I read about it a long time ago but I never believed it."

"What did you read?"

"About the werewolves mating."

Remus flushed slightly. He'd read something about it when he was a teenager, and again when he was called by Dumbledore to teach DADA. Not that he would teach about the sexual habits of any of the creatures he would have to talk about, but that was a subject that interested him, after all, he was a werewolf and he knew very little about werewolf mating rituals. But one thing he knew for sure: werewolves didn't mate for life but could be bond to another werewolf if they shared the same chemistry. Obviously, he and Alex were exuding lust from every pore.

Alex smelled his face in a sensual way, almost as if caressing it, and he closed his eyes with a sigh.

"What are you doing?"

"What do you think?" Alex chuckled softly.

"Tempting me."

"Yes."

"I don't think we should be doing this. I don't know you."

"The werewolf knows me, Remus Lupin. You should know by now that when the werewolf wants something, you should rather let him take over or you will suffer. You can't tame the wolf inside of you."

"Yes, I can. I'm not an animal," Remus protested weakly.

"We're all animals, Remus. When it comes to lust, there's not much we can do to stop it."

"That's not true."

But Remus didn't seem so sure of it when he felt Alex's tongue making its way into his mouth. For a sweet moment he gave in to that strong attraction, but then Sirius' image appeared in his mind and he quickly pulled away.

"Love has nothing to do with this," Alex stated as if he was ten times wiser than Remus.

"But..."

"Why do you struggle? It's useless to resist, Remus." Alex softly stroked Remus' face. "We belong to nobody and to everyone at the same time. Don't believe me? Try to see how many marriages are really happy. What connect us are lust and the desire to breed. I don't really care about breeding for obvious reasons. My family line is all messed up. So, Remus Lupin, what's wrong with having a little fun? You look like you need it."

Remus always had very strong beliefs about family, friendships and love, but suddenly he wasn't so sure anymore. He couldn't think at all with Alex nibbling his earlobe, his neck, his chin and his lips. It didn't seem so wrong to just surrender once to that feeling. He had always been the one full of principals and higher beliefs and for what? His life sank lower at every breath he took. He was broken inside. Why shouldn't he allow himself a few moments of carefree pleasure?

Alex kissed him almost carefully, waiting for his approval. He stopped thinking and kissed the other man back. To hell with rational thoughts and Sirius! To hell with his distrusts for Alex and his real intentions! He would take that moment as if it was the last one of his life. He would take it without a second thought.

Next thing he knew, they lay down side by side, impatiently taking off each other's clothes. And the last thought that crossed his mind before he lost himself into Alex's ministrations was a very wise old saying: 'be careful what you wish for'.

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