I Can See You

Sirius' Promise

Remus closed his eyes, willing himself against showing any sign of fatigue. The transformations were more manageable than they were years ago. His friends saw to it that he never had to go through the agonising hours alone. But he still felt drained for days afterwards. His transformation the night before, as with his other monthly ordeals, had taken a lot out of him. But this time, he had to master every bit of acting skills to hide his fatigue from a particular someone who was at close proximity.

Natasha remained silent with her head resting on Remus' lap, while her hands idly traced circles on his right palm. She stared up at the blue sky, watching clouds take on varying shapes and forms.

Minutes passed and Remus' eyes gradually felt heavy-lidded as he began to relax and allowed his mind to wander. Just as he began to slowly drift into a state of drowsiness, Natasha gave a little alarmed yelp and sat up straight.

He immediately felt a sense of foreboding as he looked at the girl whose face was now gathering frowns.

"What did McGonagall make you do?"

He met her gaze, confused.

Natasha tightened her clasp on his hand and held it closer as though examining it. Then, she abruptly dropped her hold, grabbed his other hand and subjected it to the same scrutiny. Realisation dawned upon him just as she reached out for the edge of one sleeve of his robe and attempted to draw it upwards. He jerked his arm away from her as though it was scalded.

"What happened last night?"

"Nothing much," he mumbled.

"The marks were not there yesterday," she countered.

Remus feigned ignorance. "What marks?"

She took hold of his hands and held them up in front of his face. "She hurt you, didn't she?" she asked in a tight voice.

He silently cursed himself for the slip. It had completely escaped his mind to check for any physical evidence of what took place the night before. His latest transformation had been painful as always, and even under the watchful eyes of his fellow Marauders, he had suffered several cuts and bruises all over his body as he struggled before the animal in him took over. Madam Pomfrey had healed the physical damages, but the faint scars and marks would take time to disappear completely.

"I'm going to Dumbledore right now to lodge a complaint against whatever she made you do." Her eyes were flashing angrily. "Then I'll make sure that Minerva McGonagall will live to mourn the day she harmed a hair on my guy."

Remus was momentarily torn between panic for her fury and being moved by her concern. He soon decided that the former required more urgent attention. "Professor McGonagall did not abuse me in any way," he forced a chuckle and pretended to be amused. "I was trying out some new spell which didn't turn out right."

Anger ebbed away from her eyes, replaced by disbelief. "What spells could have caused these scratched marks? Unless you're trying to try to be an Animagus and turn yourself into a cat like McGonagall."

Her statement just gave him a good cover. "Actually, I was turning myself into a wolf," he said, knowing that she would not take him seriously. At the same time, he was glad he did not have to make up another lie.

She looked suspiciously at him and chewed her bottom lip as she pondered. Finally, she chose not to dispute his claim. "Just don't try that again," she told him firmly.

That was when he hugged her close and deftly changed the subject.

Someday, he would let her in on his dark secret. But this was not time yet. He could not afford to lose her now.

*

Meet me at Hagrid's hut at ten tonight.

Jed

Kathleen clenched the note in her hand and crept to the gamekeeper's hut under the invisibility cloak she borrowed from Natasha. She had received the note just when she was getting frustrated at not being able to have a private conversation with Jed the whole day. He had been elusive. Even in the two instances where she managed to hunt him down, he had been in the company of friends and rushing off to a class or to meet a professor. Now, it seemed that she finally would have a chance to make her feelings, or the lack of, known to him. I'll end this once and for all, she told herself. No more lessons. No more Jed. And after tonight, I want to live for myself. No more false hopes in doomed relationships. No more Sirius Black.

She wondered vaguely about the peculiar meeting place Jed had chosen, but soon pushed the thought away. This might be a good choice anyway, since the gamekeeper was away and they would be safe from Filch who was no doubt patrolling the castle for students wandering around after curfew hours.

A dim light could be seen from the windows of the hut, so faint that it was barely noticeable. She knocked softly on the door and it creaked open several inches.

She gasped.

It was not Jed Matthew, but Sirius Black whom she came face-to-face with.

"Is that you, Katie?" he hissed into the darkness.

As Kathleen removed the cloak and raised her head to look at him, Sirius felt a sharp pang of remorse and pain. Even in the dim light, he could see the hurt in her eyes - hurt that was as evident as the day she overheard his conversation with Natasha.

"Come in," he urged, grabbing her arm and pulling her into the hut. She flinched as they made contact, and quickly moved away. The hut was lit only by a lone burning candle. As she stared at the source of light, a passing image of a moth being attracted to a flame flicked across her mind. Just like me, she thought glumly, attracted to something dangerous that will cause my own demise.

Sirius shut the door and let out a long weary sigh. "Katie -"

"I have nothing to say to you, Black. Except that it's despicable of you to trick me here."

"If I had not used your lover boy's name, would you have come?"

Kathleen kept silent. She hated how being in close proximity to Sirius made her feel vulnerable. Her senses were heightened, and it took all her willpower to keep herself from trembling. He doesn't care. Remember how he humiliated and made you a fool, she silently reprimanded herself.

"Katie -"

She cringed.

"Do you hate me so much?" he asked sadly. "Look, I know you don't want to be here. But give me a minute. That's all I ask. After I've said my piece, I promise never to bother you again."

She looked down, peering at the legs of Hagrid's enormous table.

Sirius took another breath as he stepped into the shadows. "First of all, I admit that I asked you to the Three Broomsticks to win a bet with James."

She squeezed her eyes shut, suddenly feeling a desire to shut out his voice.

He took in her reaction and paused for a moment, unsure of how to proceed. "But helping you in transfiguration was never part of the bet. I sincerely wanted to help when I offered to teach you." He took another pause and added softly, "And I enjoyed the time we spent together working through those spells. I thought you felt the same way."

Kathleen slowly opened her eyes. Her expression was unreadable.

"I'm sorry if I've hurt you in any way," he continued.

She kept as still as a rock.

"I'll understand if you do not want to have anything to do with me anymore." He looked questioningly at her, and then waited for several long moments before acknowledging that there was no way of getting through to the girl.

"Goodbye, Katie," he told her softly as he slipped James' invisibility cloak over himself and took a step towards the exit.

"Sirius!"

He turned.

"I'm not mad at you." Kathleen stared hard at his shoes, licking her dry lips.

"You mean - what - how -" he said incoherently.

"I've not been mad at you for a long time."

"Then why -"

"I took the only way I knew to protect myself. I had to force myself to stay away from you."

"But why did -"

"You and I are very different. For you, it was a brief fling, a distraction. For me, it meant everything. I can't commit to casual relationships. Once I've plunged into a relationship, it's for real and I want it to last."

He searched her face thoughtfully. "I suppose Jed Matthews can give you that?" His query was dripping with bitterness.

"Yes. Jed can give me that. And more." She looked wearily into his face. "But I have nothing to offer him but friendship."

"You mean - you two are not together?"

"I was hoping to make that clear to Jed. That's why I came. That's why I'm here tonight."

His face lit up. "Is there someone - is there a particular reason why you can't like him?" he asked hopefully.

"You know the reason, Sirius."

"I want to hear you say it."

"Because I've long given my heart to someone, however undeserving he may be."

A little frown crept into his face. "In what way is he undeserving?"

"Because he'll only break my heart. He'll break it just like he has broken a thousand others."

There was a long stretch of silence before Sirius spoke again.

"What if he promises to treat it with care? What if he promises to treasure the gift? Will you let him keep it?"

She looked into his dark eyes, questioning him with her own green ones.

"Listen, Katie. I can't give you any guarantee of what will happen in the future. But I can promise you that I'll try my best to love and cherish you. And only you. Will you let me have a go?"

"Sirius - you don't mean -"

"I do," he cut in. "I missed you like crazy whenever I didn't see you. I hated it when you refused to speak to me or worse, pretended that I don't exist. And I was mad with jealousy when I saw you with Jed Matthews. I do not know if this is love. I only know that I like you very much. I think about you a lot and I want to spend more time with you."

Kathleen did not know how to react. Can this be for real? Did he really say all those words? She had been waiting for years to hear them. Surely she must have been dreaming? But wait! Is this another of his jokes? He's well-known for his love for pranks. She finally allowed herself to look at Sirius, and a gasp escaped her throat when she saw his expression. He's serious. I can see it. He means it. He really means those wonderful words.

"I'm waiting for your reply," he stated plainly, tightening his jaw.

"I see no harm in trying," she said finally, suddenly feeling shy.

Sirius' wide smile brightened up his entire face. "So you agree to be my girlfriend, right?"

Kathleen felt dizzy. Girlfriend? Sirius Black's girlfriend? Then she uttered the first words that came to her fuzzy mind. "But Sirius Black doesn't have girlfriends," she said stupidly and instantly bit her tongue in regret.

Fortunately, instead of taking offence, he gave her a sly wink. "There's always a first. Are you willing to take up the challenge of taming a player?"

Her knees felt weak and there were butterflies in her stomach. "I'll give it a go," she said softly.

"Great," he grinned. "So may I kiss you now?"

"Huh?" She took a step backwards in shock.

"Oh c'mon! That's not fair! How can a guy not be able to kiss his girlfriend?" he pouted.

Kathleen began to blush furiously. "I didn't say you can't."

"Perfect," he mumbled before taking a step towards her and cupped her checks with both hands. "Kathleen Curtis. Sirius Black's first girlfriend," he whispered contentedly as he drew his lips closer till they finally brushed against hers. Pulling apart slightly, his dark orbs searched her green ones, and was satisfied with what they saw. He then brought his lips back to hers again. This time, the kiss was harder and definitely possessive enough to banish any remaining doubts she might have about their newfound relationship.

***