Rating:
PG
House:
Schnoogle
Characters:
James Potter Lily Evans
Genres:
Action Romance
Era:
Multiple Eras
Stats:
Published: 06/07/2003
Updated: 01/08/2013
Words: 389,988
Chapters: 59
Hits: 80,010

Lily Evans: A History

Bethany

Story Summary:
A story of Lily's life from pre-Hogwarts to marrying James Potter. How she coped with growing up with Petunia to her friendship with the four boys that would change her life - and eventually the course of history - forever.

Chapter 19

Posted:
10/05/2003
Hits:
1,279

Chapter 19 - An unbroken storm
Lily Evans stood before the fireplace in the Headmaster's office,
staring into the flames. In her hand was Floo Powder, but as jumpy as
her stomach had been since receiving Petunia's letter she wasn't sure
she should be traveling this way. Not for the first time she wished she
could Apparate.
	Professor Dumbledore stood behind her, watching. With a deep
breath and a mental note that she would be ok, hopefully, Lily threw
the powder into the fireplace. The flames shot up, turning from red to
green as they roared out of the mantel. With one last look back at the
Headmaster, Lily stepped into the flames. "Nine Hollis Drive!" she said
and in an instant she was spinning through fireplaces, catching
glimpses of some and barriers over others.
	Only seconds after she had left her school, Lily came to a
jolting halt in the fireplace at her home. She stood for a moment,
gathering her wits about her since traveling by Floo sometimes left one
with a headache, then stepped out.
	The first thing Lily noticed was that the house was as eerily
silent as a tomb. Her footsteps seemed to echo through on the hardwood
floors as she went towards the kitchen. Without the normal sounds of
her mother cooking and cleaning, Petunia complaining, or her father
whistling as he got ready for work, the house seemed to be holding it's
breath. Waiting for someone or something to make it come to life again.
	"Petunia?" Lily called, her voice shattering the silence around
her and easing some of the tension in her body. She hoped Petunia
hadn't went to the hospital without her, but she doubted her sister had
known she was coming this quickly. Petunia was a Muggle after all, and
getting from one place hundreds of miles away to another in seconds was
beyond her. As she headed up the back stairs, she called again.
	"Petunia? Are you here?"
	She hadn't quite made it to the second floor landing when
Petunia's bedroom door was yanked open and her older sister stood
there, staring at her. "How did you get here?"
	Lily climbed the last step up so that she and Petunia were face
to face. Well, sort of. Petunia was at least three inches taller than
Lily, if not more. "Floo Powder," she replied, not expecting Petunia to
understand. By the look on her face, she hadn't. "Through the
fireplace," Lily added, opening her bedroom door and throwing her bag
in.
	Lily expected Petunia to hit the roof over how witches and
wizards traveled, but surprisingly she didn't. Instead she brought a
lace trimmed handkerchief to her eye and wiped away a tear trail.
	"Good, good," she muttered. "It's good you got here so fast. We
need to go to the hospital straight away."
	Lily didn't argue with that fact, though she assumed that worry
for their parents had made Petunia forget to be nasty to her. Petunia
went straight to the phone and rang Vernon, asking him to take them to
the hospital. In any other circumstances Lily was sure she would have
said no to getting in a vehicle with that man, but today she wasn't
complaining.
	When Petunia hung up, Lily spoke. "What happened?"
	Petunia turned wild, bloodshot eyes to her sister. Surprisingly
enough Lily wasn't crying, but she had done a lot of it before leaving
school. The older Evans' daughter took a deep breath as if saying the
words aloud made them worse. "They were coming home from a dinner party
for Daddy's work last night. It was late, nearly two this morning. The
policeman said that a lorry jumped the lights, moved to miss another car
and hit... hit them head on."
	Lily tried to gasp, to force her lungs out so that her head
wouldn't spin so, but she couldn't. Her insides felt as if they had all
but disappeared, leaving her nothing but a hollow shell with an over-
beating heart. Petunia nodded her head as if to say she understood what
Lily was feeling. "That bird of yours just happened to be here. I
thought it would be at school with you. It was a good thing. I didn't
know how to get ahold of you," Petunia snapped the last part, as if it
were Lily's fault that Hogwarts didn't have telephones.
	Before she could think of what to say in response, Petunia was
back in her bedroom, pulling a coat out of the closet. Lily quickly
went to her own room to remove her traveling cloak and put on a jacket.
When she re-emerged Petunia was downstairs, pacing in front of the
window. "Have you seen them?" Lily asked as she approached.
	For a long moment Petunia didn't answer. She held one side of the
curtains back with one hand, while she bit the nails on her other. Lily
barely registered that she was doing the same thing this morning, and
James had stopped her. "No," Petunia finally replied, letting the
curtain go so that it hung down properly. "I wanted to go last night,
but the policeman said that I wouldn't be able to see them and someone
would call."
	Lily didn't know what to say, so she said nothing. It was strange
that Petunia was even talking to her in a civilized manner anyways,
though it was a moot point with all that was going on. Instead of
dwelling on it, Lily sat down in an overstuffed chair, watching the
hands on the clock as they moved forever forward.
	Finally there was the sound of a car approaching and Petunia
pulled the door open before Vernon could even get out. "Come on," she
called to Lily. It was unnecessary, since Lily had jumped to her feet
and was standing behind her when she turned. Petunia checked her handbag
to be sure she had the keys, then locked the door.
	Vernon hastily got out and opened the door for Petunia, but the
effect was gone because he was smiling so broadly at Lily as he did so.
Lily avoided his gaze, stepped into the car before he could open her
door, and wished not for the first time this morning that this would
all be a nightmare and she would wake up in her bedroom at Hogwarts.
	The drive to the hospital seemed to take much longer than normal.
Every red light turned as they approached, making Petunia look
anxiously out the front window. Several times Lily caught Vernon
looking at her through the rear view mirror, and with a shudder avoided
his gaze. By the time they reached the hospital Lily nearly bolted out
of the backseat.
	"Do you want me to come in?" Vernon asked Petunia. While he was
making the gesture, it was clear that he didn't want to by the way he
shifted his large weight from foot to food. Lily wasn't sure if Petunia
had noticed this, or not.
	"No," Petunia replied. "We'll be ok."
	"All right then," Vernon said, clearly glad to get away. Lily
thought that showed very poorly of him not wanting to be there for
Petunia. Though she was personally glad he chose to leave. Things were
bad enough without having to deal with him.
	The hospital was very large, so smartly Petunia headed towards
the information desk as soon as they went in. There was a nice elderly
lady sitting down, flipping through a folder. "Excuse me," Petunia
began in a sweet voice that Lily usually only heard when she wanted
something expensive. "My name is Petunia Evans, I'm looking for my
mother and father. Daniel and Christine Evans. They were... brought in
last night."
	The lady nodded her head and began shuffling through a file
cabinet at her feet. Finally she straightened back up. "Take the
elevators behind me to the fourth floor, turn left and go to the end of
the hall. Mrs. Evans is there. Mr. Evans is in surgery."
	"For what?" Petunia blurted, her eyes wide.
	"I don't know. The nurses on that floor can help you."
	Petunia turned on her heel and practically ran for the elevators.
Lily smiled apologetically at the lady. "Thank you," she said before
running to catch up with Petunia.
	By the time they had reached the fourth floor, Petunia looked
nearly hysterical. She pulled on her hair nervously and when the
elevator doors opened she bolted out of them before they had opened
completely. Lily followed her to the nurses' station.
	"I'm Petunia Evans," she said to the first person who noticed she
was there. She didn't sound nearly as calm as she had saying it to the
lady at the information desk downstairs. "My mother is in here?
Christine Evans?"
	"Yes," the nurse replied, turning around and picking up a folder.
"I'm afraid she is still unconscious. I can let you see her for a
moment, but then you'll have to wait."
	Petunia nodded and the lady came out from behind the desk,
leading them to a room just off to the left. As they entered Lily felt
her heart break in her chest. Her mother was laying on a bed, covered
with a stark white blankets, an IV in her arm and an oxygen tube in her
nose. There was a livid purple bruise on her right cheek that stood out
sharply against the contrast of the paleness of her skin and the white
of the bed sheets. Various cuts covered her arms, neck and face,
presumably from the windshield glass.
	Petunia gasped, both her hands flying up to cover her mouth.
"Mum?" she whispered, going towards the bed.
	"She is still unconscious, so we don't know if there is anything
other than physical damage," a male voice said from the doorway. Lily
and Petunia both turned their heads to see an older male standing in
the door, a white lab coat on over a suite. He came further in and Lily
noticed that he looked even older close up than he did from the
doorway. His hair looked like it might have been blonde at one point,
but was now mostly white, and the laugh lines around his mouth and eyes
were deep. He had friendly green eyes, though, that oddly reminded Lily
of Peter's.
	"I was told that Mrs. Evans's daughters were here. Petunia?" he
asked, reaching his hand out. Petunia shook it quickly, fixing her gaze
on her mother once more. "And you are?"
	"Lily," Lily replied, shaking his hand as well. "How is our
father?"
	The doctor's eyes clouded over momentarily. It happened quickly,
and Lily wasn't sure if she had seen it, or imagined it. Either way he
stepped to the side and held his arm out. "Can we step outside?"
	Lily nodded, going out first. Petunia followed, leaving the
doctor to come out last and shut the door behind him. "Ladies, my name
is Dr. Stephenson. I've been here since your parents were brought in.
It is my estimation that your mother will most likely be ok, but again,
we won't know for sure until she awakens."
	"And our father?" Lily repeated, not liking the way he seemed to
avoid the subject.
	"The woman at the information desk said he is in surgery?"
Petunia asked, looking as if she had finally regained her voice.
	"Indeed," Dr. Stephenson replied. "There were complications with
your father. From what I understood, he wasn't wearing a seatbelt.
There was some heavy damaged done to his back, particularly his lower
back."
	Petunia's hand sought and grabbed onto Lily's and she squeezed
tightly. Lily didn't mind, she felt as if she didn't have to be strong
for Petunia, that she would crumble up in the floor and cry like a
baby.
	"I'm afraid that the only thing we can ask you to do now is wait.
You're more than welcome to go home, and we'll have someone contact you
there."
	"No, no," Petunia muttered, looking dazed. "We'll stay here as
long as it takes."
	"All right then," Dr. Stevenson replied, starting to walk away.
"If there is anything you need, just ask the nurses."
	"Thank you," Lily said, not sure if he heard her and not caring.
Someone might have punched her in the stomach for the way she felt.
Ever so slowly her and Petunia made their way to the waiting area,
sitting down to play a waiting game that they already knew wouldn't end
well.
	
			*				 *
	
	The morning turned to evening so slowly that it might have lasted
a week instead of simply hours. Lily flipped through magazines, watched
television some, but Petunia did nothing but sit and stare at the
floor. Still there was no news on either of their parents. At least
once every couple of hours a nurse would come over, ask if they need
anything, and tell them that no, there was nothing new. Lily felt that
she may burst from anticipation.
	"I'm hungry," Lily announced suddenly, throwing a magazine on the
table beside her without interest. It was nearly seven o'clock and she
hadn't eaten since the Great Hall that morning. Her stomach grumbled
loudly in protest of having not ate.
	Petunia didn't say anything, only bent down in her handbag, took
our her purse and gave a few notes to Lily. "Do you want me to get you
anything?" Lily asked. Petunia didn't answer. Sighing, Lily got up and
went downstairs, following the signs to the cafeteria.
	She had just turned towards the main entrance where the
information desk was when the double doors slid open and a person
walked in. Lily paid her no attention until she heard her name being
called. "Lily! Lily, is that you?"
	Lily stopped, turning and looking around for the source of the
voice. Coming towards her was a woman wearing a black traveling cloak.
She pulled the hood from her face as she walked, revealing a head full
of dark black hair. "Olivia?" Lily asked unsurely, blinking.
	"Oh Lily," Olivia cried as she came up to her, grabbing her in a
bone-crushing hug when she was close enough. "James owled me and told
me what happened. I came as soon as I could. How are you? How are your
parents? Is there anything I can do?"
	Lily couldn't help but smile for the first time since this
nightmare began. Olivia finally let her go, holding her at arm's length
and looking her over. Lily tried to smile reassuringly, but only
managed a small movement of lips. "I'm ok. We don't know much about my
parents, my mum is still unconscious and my dad was in surgery most of
the day."
	"Surgery?" Olivia repeated, then her face brightened. "Oh! Dear,
I'm sorry. I'm just not used to Muggle terminology. It was a car
accident you say? How dreadful. Simply dreadful."
	Olivia looked around as if she weren't very comfortable in a
Muggle hospital and then back at Lily. "Is there anything I can do?
Something you want me to get you?"
	"Well, I was going to get something to eat. We haven't eaten all
day," Lily explained.
	"We? Oh, your sister. Eat something here?" Olivia made a face of
distaste and wrinkled her nose. "No, I can't let you do that. I'll run
to the house and get something. What would you like?"
	Lily blinked. "Eh, you don't have to, I'll just grab a sandwich
from here."
	"It's not a problem Lily," Olivia insisted. "Come out here with
me, and watch while I Apparate, make sure no one is looking."
	Lily, feeling a little overwhelmed, followed James's mother
outside to a dark area next to the building where she Dissapprated.
Lily was just about to go back inside when a large white snowy owl
swooped down and towards her. Lily allowed it to land on her shoulder
while she removed the parchment. "Thank you Horace." The bird nipped
her ear, but stayed put. "Oh, James told you to get a response?"
	Even though the bird said nothing (she was grateful for that), it
stayed on her shoulder. Lily pulled open the parchment and saw James's
untidy scribble.
	
Lily,

Are you ok? How are your parents? I owled my mum and told her what
happened. She freaks out about bad things, don't be surprised if she
shows up and insists on bringing you something to eat. Everyone sends
their best. Let me know if there is anything I can do.

~James

	Lily put Horace on the railing outside, told him to stay there
and ran inside for a pen. She quickly wrote on the back of the
parchment.

James,

By the time I got your letter your mum had already been here and left.
She is going to get Petunia and I some food. I'm not complaining; I'm
about to starve. I don't know much about my parents, I'll write to you
when I know. Send Morgana this way and tell her to stay outside the
front of the hospital so I can find her. Tell everyone not to worry.

~Lily

	As soon as she finished writing, Horace was back on her shoulder,
sticking his leg out. Lily tied the parchment to his leg, patted him,
and he was off towards Hogwarts. She sighed, heading back in to wait
for Olivia to return. She didn't have to wait long. In what seemed no
time at all Olivia came back in the front doors of the hospital,
carrying two large paper bags.
	"Oh, you didn't have to bring all that," Lily insisted as she
stood.
	Olivia shook her head. "Nonsense. Now carry one of these bags for
me, dear." Sighing, Lily did as she was told. Whatever was in the bags
smelled delicious and Lily was sure she wouldn't regret eating it as
much as she regretted Olivia going through the trouble.
	When they made it to the fourth floor, Petunia greeted them at
the elevators. "Where have you been?!" she shrieked, paying no
attention to Olivia at all. Not that Lily expected her to. "The doctor
came out about ten minutes ago, Daddy is awake. And the doctor wanted
to talk to us, but I couldn't find you."
	"Oh dear," Olivia mumbled, bringing attention to herself. Petunia
spared her a glance, but nothing more.
	Lily handed the bags off to Olivia, and called that she would be
right back over her shoulder as she followed Petunia. The doctor was
waiting on them in front of the nurses' station. He smiled as they
approached. "Whoa, slow down. There's no fire."
	"Sorry," Lily apologized, Petunia didn't.
	Dr. Stephenson started walking, leaving the two girls to follow
behind. When they were half way down an empty corridor, he stopped,
turning grave eyes towards the sisters. "Now, I've been assured that
you are the oldest and since you are the only family present, this news
has to come to you first." He gestured towards two chairs sitting
against a wall. "You might want to sit down."
	"Oh no," Lily mumbled, barely loud enough to reach her own ears.
She sat next to Petunia, who once again grabbed her hand and held it
tightly.
	"I told you earlier that your father had extensive back damage.
We tried everything we could, but..."
	"He's dead?" Petunia croaked, her face as pale as snow and her
voice trembling.
	Dr. Stephenson smiled. "No, no. He'll live, and will be able to
continue with nearly a normal life."
	"Nearly?" Petunia pressed, squeezing Lily's hand until she
practically couldn't feel her fingers.
	"Your father is paralyzed. From the waist down."
	Lily's first thought was that surely this was some sort of joke.
The doctor said it so unfeeling, so flat. Even the Marauders couldn't
keep such a straight face when telling a lie. He must be a master at
this, she thought. Her mind produced an image of her father, scooping
her up in his arms when she was younger, carrying her through the
garden.
	Petunia's sob broke her out of her thoughts. Lily blinked, her
eyes leaving the doctor's still solemn face and traveling to her
sister. All she could see was blonde hair because Petunia's head was
bent. She gave a shaky laugh. "Oh, it's not permanent. He'll do some of
those exercises, right? And learn to walk again?" Lily turned hopeful
eyes to the doctor.
	He shook his head, getting down on one knee before them. He
placed a comforting hand on Petunia's shoulder, but spoke to Lily. "You
mustn't believe that. He will never walk again. There was too much
damage. But he is alive. You will both have to be strong to help him
get through this."
	The doctor's voice drifted away from Lily so that she seen his
lips moving, but heard nothing but the pounding of her own heart. She
let go of Petunia's hand, stood up, and walked away, stumbling over a
chair. She reached the waiting room, blinking rapidly to clear the
tears that threatened to spill from her eyes.
	Olivia stood before Lily worriedly, watching her reaction very
closely. Lily tried to smile, but as she moved her lips the dam that
held her tears back spilled forth and she nearly collapsed against the
older woman.
	James's mother caught her, hugging her tightly as Lily sobbed
against her breast. For several minutes Lily cried until she felt dry,
her throat raw from keeping a scream down. "What happened Lily?" Olivia
whispered in a soothing voice, rubbing her back. "What did the doctor
say?"
	Lily hiccupped, biting her lip to keep from crying again. "He--
he's paralyzed. My dad will never walk again."
	If possible Olivia hugged Lily tighter. "Oh, Lily, I'm sorry,"
she whispered. "But he's alive, right? Did they say anything about your
mother?"
	Lily shook her head, pulling back and attempting to keep a hold
on her emotions. Several people in the waiting room were watching them
curiously, but Lily ignored them. "Come on, dear, let's go see if they
have any news on your mother. And see how your sister is," Olivia added
as an after thought, thinking it odd that Lily had come to her for
comfort and not her family.
	It didn't take extremely long to find out. When they returned to
the corridor where Petunia was, she looked ready to explode. "Where did
you run off to?"
	Lily opened her mouth to speak, but closed it. She didn't want to
argue with Petunia, not now, and not here. Unfortunately it wasn't
going to work that way. "Our father is lying in there, waiting for us!
We have to go in there and smile and act like everything is ok! I-I--"
Petunia's voice failed her and she sat heavily in a chair. "I shouldn't
have... I shouldn't have..."
	"Shouldn't have?" Lily repeated, getting to her knees next to
Petunia and pushing blonde hair out of her sister's face. Tear trails
were streaked down Petunia's face, making stray hairs stick to her
cheeks and forehead. "Shouldn't have what?"
	Petunia swallowed hard, looking longingly towards the room where
their father lay, never to get up and walk again. "Before they left
last night, we were fighting. And I..."
	Lily held her breath, only imagining what hateful thing Petunia
could have said. And the guilt she must have now. "I told them I didn't
care if they came back." A sob escaped her and Petunia looked away. "I
didn't mean it, Lily. I didn't."
	"They know," Lily said, though she was pretty sure that wouldn't
help the guilt that would gnaw at Petunia now. "They know you didn't.
Come on. Dry your face, we've got to go in there. And see them. Let
them know we are here."
	Petunia, acting more like a robot than the head strong, selfish
girl Lily had known her entire life, took the handkerchief Lily handed
her and wiped her face. Olivia stood and watched as they entered their
father's hospital room.
	The first thing Lily noticed was there was several large cuts on
Daniel's face, probably caused by the windshield breaking in. There
were IVs and an oxygen tube in his nose. Petunia had her hand over her
mouth as she stood in the doorway, staring. Lily prodded her in the
back, feeling that one of them had to be strong and it wasn't going to
be Petunia.
	Daniel turned his head towards them as Lily shut the door, a
smile breaking out onto his face when he saw them. "Girls," he said,
reaching a hand out. Lily came over first, reaching out and placing her
hand in his.
	"Daddy," Lily smiled, reaching down to plant a kiss on Daniel's
cheek. "How do you feel?"
	"I've been a lot better," he replied, looking over her shoulder
at Petunia. Lily noted that Petunia seemed to have her gaze fixed on
Daniel's unmoving legs and she cleared her throat.
	Petunia snapped to attention and came closer, her eyes still
glassed over from previous tears. "Daddy, I..."
	"I know Pet, I know," Daniel said and Petunia began crying again.
"Come here, I want my girls close to me."
	Lily sat on one side of the bed and Petunia on the other. Daniel
went on and on about all the things he would have time to do now, and
how this really wasn't a curse, but a blessing in disguise.
	Lily wished she could see the bright side of things, too.

			*				 *

	Three days later Lily stood at her mother's bedside and
rearranged a vase of flowers that had been sent in by a family friend.
She hummed as she worked, listening to her mother's idle chatter about
the things they would have to change to accommodate Daniel's condition.
Petunia was sitting in a chair near the window, saying nothing. In
fact, she hadn't said much since the day they arrived at the hospital.
Lily wondered if this would change later or if Petunia would be this
withdrawn from now on out. Somehow she couldn't see the latter
happening.
	"Good morning!" a happy voice rang in the room. Lily turned to
see Olivia standing in the door, carrying a large paper sack that
looked much like the one she had brought food in days before.
	"Come in Olivia," Christine said, sitting up further in her bed.
Outside of some bruises and cuts, the doctors said she was fine. They
wanted to keep her for a few days for evaluation, but she expected to
be released tomorrow. "Oh, I must look a mess."
	"Nonsense," Olivia smiled, sitting the bag down and pulling a
food container from it. "I thought you must be tired of hospital food
by now, so I brought some from home. My house elves make a mean steak-
and-kidney pudding."
	"Oh, thank you so much," Christine replied.
	Olivia spooned out food for Christine and Lily; Petunia said she
wasn't hungry. As they began eating, Olivia turned a serious face to
Lily's mother. "Christine, I wanted to speak with you." She turned to
make sure the room door was closed, and then continued; "I would be
more than happy to magically expand your halls for Daniel, so that you
won't have any problems with remodeling. If you'd like, that is."
	Christine looked surprised, but delighted. "Oh, Olivia, could
you? That would help so much."
	Petunia stood, giving Lily a meaningful look and nodding towards
the door. Lily followed. "We'll be right back," Lily called. She
stepped into the hall and Petunia shut the door to Christine's room.
"What is it?"
	For a moment Petunia didn't speak, but when she did it was with
the same harsh voice that she always used. One that Lily hadn't heard
in days. "Are you planning to go back to school?" she asked bluntly.
	Lily stared at her. Honestly school hadn't been much on her mind.
"I suppose so, after Mum and Dad are home and doing well."
	Petunia's eyes turned so suddenly hateful and small that Lily
felt as if she were looking at an entirely different person. "Do you
think you should?" Petunia spat, her voice soft and dangerous sounding.
"Don't you think you should be home to help our parents?"
	"What?" Lily repeated, not entirely sure what Petunia's reasoning
was. But then it hit her. To Petunia this was the perfect reason why
Lily should never return to Hogwarts. The reason to not become a witch.
She sighed. "Petunia, we've had this discussion before. I'm going to
school. I'm returning to school."
	Petunia pushed her hands through her hair, making her bangs stick
up. "Lily, you are so selfish! Don't you think that Mum is going to
have her hands full? That she'll need you?"
	"Are you going to quit school, too?" Lily shot back at her.
"Petunia, we've been through this. I am going back to school and that
is that."
	Lily turned to go back in the room, but Petunia caught her by the
wrist and stopped her. "You'll regret this, Lily. Mark my words. You'll
regret this."
	Lily yanked her hand from Petunia's and went in the room before
another word could be said, her heart pounding.

			*				 *

	"Read chapter thirty-two and write three feet on animagi, due
tomorrow!" Professor McGonagall called as the bell rang and students
began gathering their belongings. Several groans meant they had heard,
and the Transfiguration teacher and Head of Gryffindor House shut her
book closed and sat down to grade papers.
	James threw his bag over his shoulder, looking in bad temper. He
fell in line with Sirius, Remus and Peter outside the classroom and
vaguely listened to them complain about all the homework.
	"I wonder if McGonagall noticed us paying slightly more attention
to this lesson than others?" Sirius remarked casually once they were
out of the crowded hall. "Too bad she didn't tell us anything we didn't
already know."
	"I didn't know that it took some wizards ten or more years to
master it," Peter said in a slightly whining voice. "What if we can't
do it?"
	"Bah," Sirius replied, throwing a look over to James. "We can do
it by next year, I'd say." He once again shot a look to his best friend
and frowned. "What's wrong with you?"
	"Nothing," James said, very unconvincingly. He shrugged, thinking
it sounded bad even to himself. "Just thinking about animagi."
	That seemed to satisfy Sirius for the moment, because he went
right back to talking as if nothing was amiss. They were heading to
Muggle Studies, but making very slow progress because Sirius had to
stop and check something McGonagall had said against what he read in
another book.
	"James? Can I talk to you?"
	James whipped around, snapped out of his own thoughts by the new
voice. Kassie was standing just behind them, looking unsure if she
should approach them without Lily at her side. They always seem to be
her friends, rather than Kassie's. She felt uneasy.
	"Sure," James replied, raising an eyebrow up at Sirius, Remus and
Peter who were all watching. "Go on without me, I'll catch up," he told
them.
	The three of them walked away, leaving James and Kassie standing
alone. The corridor was nearly empty by now, everyone was in class.
	"What do you need?" James asked, shifting his bag from one
shoulder to the other.
	"I-erm, wanted to talk to you about Lily."
	"What about her? Has something else happened?" James shot out
instantly, then realized his mistake. He sounded much more concerned
than just a friend.
	Kassie gave him a queer look and shook her head slowly. "No, I
just haven't heard from her since she wrote that one time. Have you
heard from her?"
	Silence stretched between them, broken by the shrill ringing of
the class bell. James looked around. "We're late."
	"Have you?" Kassie repeated, seeming to know that he was trying
to change the subject.
	Finally the black-haired boy nodded, avoiding Kassie's gaze at
all cost. "She wrote me yesterday. My mum is with her, so--I guess she
feels like she needs to write to me, or something."
	It sounded as lame as it did when James thought it, but no
matter. The damage was done. Kassie's face fell ever so slightly, but
she quickly hid it. "She's ok, then?"
	"Yeah," James replied, feeling his face redden even more. It even
seemed odd to him that Lily had wrote to him and not her best friend.
It would be like Sirius writing Peter and not him. "I think she said
she would be back this weekend."
	"Oh," Kassie replied. "Ok, then. We'd better get to class."
	"Right," James said, already turned away. If he had been in an
ill mood before, this only seemed to enhance it. He rushed into Muggle
Studies, muttered a quick apology to the Professor and sat down, not
even in the mood to help Sirius explain to the class why television was
made by a wizard.
	
			*			 *

	Lily stumbled down the stairs and into the kitchen where her
mother was sitting before an untouched cup of tea. She tried to plaster
a smile on her face, but failed miserably. Instead she pulled a cup
from the cabinet and poured herself a cup of tea. She sat down across
the table from Christine and took a sip. "Morning," she said, breaking
the silence.
	Christine didn't reply. Instead she pulled her tea cup up to her
lips and took a sip. The face she made suggested it wasn't very good.
"Lily, I want you to think about going back to school soon. You can't
get behind on your work because of this."
	"Mum!" Lily protested, sitting her cup down a bit too hard and
causing the steaming liquid to splash out onto the table. "I can't go
back to school just yet. You'll need help once Dad comes home tomorrow,
and..."
	"I assure you that we'll manage just fine," Christine said, her
voice booking no argument.
	That didn't stop Lily from trying. "Mum, I want to stay here and
help. I need to. School can wait, I--I thought about not going
back this year." The words slipped from her mouth before Lily realized
what she said. Had she thought that? Since her argument with Petunia at
the hospital days before, it was haunting her. Should she put her
education on hold?
	"No, Lily."
	That voice didn't sound like it wanted to be provoked or argued
with. Lily tilted her head forward, her red hair falling in her face,
but she didn't move it. She placed both her hands around the cup,
warming them as she stared at the swirling liquid. Her mind was abuzz
with questions, about what to do. She felt guilty for wanting to return
to school, and horrible about the idea of staying home. She sighed.
Christine was staring at her when she looked up, almost as if she
expected more argument. "I've had my say, Lily. You're going back to
school. Tomorrow."
	"What?" Lily's head jerked up. "Mum, I--"
	Christine's eyes filled with tears. Lily's voice stopped dead and
she bit her tongue against anything else she was about to say. She felt
her chest contract, like tears were building up, but she pushed them
down roughly. They would do her no good. "Ok, Mum." Lily pushed her
chair back and placed her nearly full cup in the sink. "Do you need
anything? I'm going to take a hot bath."
	"I'll call you if I need anything." Lily started out of the room,
but stopped to look at her mother one last time. She looked defeated,
somehow.
	"Mum, I-I guess, well, Petunia will be here, right?"
	Christine raised her head and smiled through the few tears that
had fallen from her eyes. "Yes, dear, Petunia will be here to help."
	Somehow that didn't reassure Lily in the least.
	
				*			 *

	It seemed to Lily that it should have been a bad sign that twice
in as many weeks she had left for Hogwarts, and both times it was
pouring rain. Outside the house, it seemed the Heavens had opened,
crying all the tears that Lily had kept dormant for a week. The clouds
were angry, dark and foreboding. And did nothing for the mood Lily was
in. The only comfort was that she wouldn't be out in it today because
she was traveling by Floo Powder.
	Her father had came home that morning, in a wheelchair. Lily had
plastered a smile on her face, again burring tears that threatened to
burst forth. She knew she should be grateful he was alive, but every
time she had seen him in that wheelchair all she had felt was a bitter
taste rise in her throat. She longed to hit something, break something.
Why did this happen to her family? Why did she feel so helpless against
it?
	Daniel seemed in good spirits, though, Lily had to hand him that.
But as she stood before the fireplace, holding a pouch of Floo Powder,
she couldn't shake the bad feeling she had. She felt lucky she hadn't
had any visions because of everything that had happened.
	The goodbyes to her family had been horrible. It seemed almost as
if Petunia had cursed her with guilt for leaving at such a time.
Resigned, Lily took a pinch of Floo Powder from the pouch and threw it
into the fireplace. She turned one last time and Christine Evans threw
her arms around her youngest daughter in an almost desperate hug.
"Write often."
	Lily nodded, pulled away and barely caught Petunia's glare from
the steps as she stepped into the firplace. "Professor Dumbledore's
office!" she cried and the flames jerked her away.
	Lily stopped abruptly in the large fireplace inside the
Headmaster's office. He looked up from his desk as if students came
crashing into his office every day via the fireplace. Lily wondered if
they did.
	"Ah, Miss Evans," Professor Dumbledore stood, smiling gently down
at her. "I received Olivia's letter stating that you would be coming
back today."
	Lily didn't know what to say. She gazed at him for a moment, then
tried to put on a smile, but it seemed very weak. Dumbledore continued
as if she had gave a very enthusiastic greeting. "You'll find that Miss
Phillips kept all your assignments for you. Your Professors have told
me that as long as you are up to date on what you've missed, they'll be
no need to hand in the homework that was given."
	He looked at Lily expectantly, his blue eyes twinkling. Lily
again felt the urge to throw something. She swallowed hard. "Thank you,
Professor."
	The Headmaster showed her to the door, but when they arrived, he
didn't open it. Lily waited for a moment before looking up at him
expectantly. He put his hand on her shoulder, the twinkle from his eye
dim now. "Lily, if you ever want to talk about it, I'm here."
	Without knowing why, Lily shook her head, shifting her gaze to
the door again. She felt if she continued to look at him she would
start crying. And why would she do that?
	It hadn't helped before.
	After another moment of silence Dumbledore opened the large
wooden door and Lily stepped down onto the spiral staircase. It
descended slowly, leaving her at the bottom, staring at the back of the
stone gargoyle. As if just realizing someone was waiting to get out, it
sprang to the side and Lily stepped into the stone corridor, clutching
her bag as if it were her lifeline.
	What few students Lily passed paid her little attention. Checking
her watch, she noticed it was lunch time, which would account for the
empty corridors. Slowly she trekked to Gryffindor Tower.
	"Password?" the Fat Lady said as she stepped up.
	"Hinkypuff," Lily replied.
	"You may not enter."
	It took a second for Lily to realize what must have happened, for
she stood dumbfounded, staring. "Oh no," she whispered, more to herself
than to the Fat Lady. "They've changed the password."
	The last thing Lily wanted to do was go down to the Great Hall
where she would most likely be bombarded with sympathy, questions and
the like. Instead she sat in the corner, waiting for someone to come by
and let her in.
	Surprisingly enough, she didn't have to wait long. A few minutes
later the sound of footsteps dragging up the stairs indicated that
someone was coming and Lily stood, waiting.
	At first Remus didn't notice Lily standing there, which allowed
her a good long look at him. His school robes seemed to be hanging on
him, and the circles beneath his eyes seemed black against the contrast
of his unusually pale skin. It wouldn't take a Lunar map to know what
last night had been.
	Lily stepped out of the shadows just as the werewolf made it to
the top landing and he gave her a lopsided smile. "I wondered when
you'd come out and say something."
	Lily felt her face flush with embarrassment. "I'm sorry, I didn't
know..."
	"It's ok," Remus replied, waving his hand. "Most people wouldn't
have known you were there." His meaning was very clear. "So, why are
you standing out here?"
	Lily felt it odd that Remus didn't ask her a ton of questions
like she was sure the girls she shared a room with would. "The password
has been changed."
	"Horklump," Remus said and the portrait door swung open. He
smiled slightly at Lily. "Seems our prefect is taking Care of Magical
Creatures."
	"Obviously," Lily noted dryly, climbing in the hole and emerging
in the circular common room.
	Remus looked dead on his feet as he stood near the fireplace.
Lily placed her bag down, sitting into one of the overstuffed chairs
and warming her hands near the flames. Remus sat across from her.
	"I wondered," Lily began awkwardly. "Why you hadn't asked me a
million questions about where I've been."
	Remus laughed a short bark-like laugh that didn't sound amused at
all. "It has been my experience, Lily, that most people will talk about
their tragedies given time. There is no need to drag it out of them."
	Lily smiled. Of all the people she knew, Remus seemed the one
with the most brains about him. Which probably accounted for some of
the Marauders most ingenious plans coming off with a hitch. Who would
believe Remus was capable?
	Lily stared at the flames, positive of what Remus's underlying
meaning was. If she wanted to talk, he would listen. Somehow she felt
more relaxed speaking with him than anyone as of yet. "My parents were
in a car accident," she blurted. Remus didn't look surprised. "My mum
is ok, but my dad..." She swallowed hard, pushing down the urge to
pound her fist in the nearest wall. "He is paralyzed. From the waist
down."
	The words hung heavily in the air. This time Remus did have a
fleeting cross of surprise on his features. Before he could reply, Lily
burst out in a rage. "And everyone is so grateful he is alive. But
he'll never walk again! And every time I look at him, I can't help but
think about that. About how he used to carry me around, and take me for
walks. He can't do that anymore, Remus. And it's not fair! I know I
should be happy he's alive, but I can't be when I feel like he is half
dead already.
	"And Petunia--ha! A fat load of help she will be. Walking around
giving me evil looks, telling me that I shouldn't come back to school."
	"Why?" Remus asked quietly.
	"Because she hates us. Hates witches and wizards. And hates me
for being one. Oh, she was all nice when I first got there, but as soon
as she found out I was coming back to school she went right back to the
way she was. And a part of me thinks that I should be at home,
helping my mum and dad. But my mum refused to hear it. Ordered me back
here. And I wanted to come to school, but I feel guilty because of it."
	Exhausted, Lily slumped back in her chair, her fist clenched. "I
just wish this were all a nightmare and I will wake up."
	Remus stared at her hard, the dark circles around his eyes making
them seem haunted in the light from the fireplace. Outside a streak of
lightening lit up the sky, followed by a loud clap of thunder that
seemed to shake Lily's entire world.
	As the storm raged on Lily and Remus sat in a comfortable
silence, staring at the flames. The kind of silence that only comes
with knowing that the other person knew your worst secrets and fears;
knew them and understood. And was your friend regardless. At that
moment neither of them had felt more at ease with silence. A silence
broken only by the storm.

--End Chapter 19.

Author notes: Wow, did that take long? I'm sorry! Would you believe that this chapter
was done and to my editor two days after chapter 18 was posted? That
took longer than usual. Sorry! The next chapter will be interesting, I
think. And the chapter after that will either make a whole bunch of
people happy or get me thrown off a roof. Not sure which. ;D

HUGE thanks to all my reviewers, everyone on the Lilyupdate mailing
group, my editor, Mitchy, and my British check, Kate. *huggles
everyone*

Insert standard disclaimer here; I own nothing. You can't have my
nothing, I worked hard to get it so shiny. This also means I don't
own Harry Potter. >:P

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