Clockwork Butterfly

January 3^rd, 1995

Transfiguration

Today is my first day of classes. I got back to school yesterday. Four months with a stupid uniform, three days for transition and now back in a different stupid uniform. Transfiguration first. I made sure I was ten minutes late, but Professor McGonagall didn't notice. I thought maybe she would get angry if I interrupted her demonstration, so I dropped my books on the floor. They made a lot of noise but I don't think anyone even heard me, let alone turned around. Professor McGonagall just went on explaining how to change a porcupine into a pincushion. Who would even want to do that? I raised my hand to ask if it didn't make more sense to buy or make a pincushion rather than purchasing a porcupine (which has to be more expensive). Professor McGonagall didn't call on me. If the porcupine weren't an animal, I would set it on fire. But I would feel horrible burning a porcupine, even if it was in pincushion form. Maybe I'll burn something tomorrow.

September 2^nd, 1995

Lunch

I was looking around the library today. I was looking for a spell. I think I found a good one. Corpeteulanus. I'm going to save it for something special. Next I have Divination. I hate Professor Trelawney. Last term she constantly predicted a 'terrible ordeal' for me. Since all of the Hogwarts professors know about what happened on the train, she is probably still gloating. I hate that the whole 'horrible ordeal' think came true. Who does she think she is? Predicting things right, messing everything up. It's not my fault it happened. It was his. It's not like I was going to hurt him or anything. I just snapped. I didn't mean to break anything. I think it was justified. I think I will skip Divination. I'll skip it and use the spell. Blue skin and cutting divination should make them really angry. Someone is sure to notice at dinner.

September 2^nd, 1995

After Dinner

Nobody noticed at dinner. Nobody has noticed me since I got back from St. Sophronius. Not Fred, not George, not Ron. And they're my brothers. My brothers and they haven't spoken to me. Not once. I think I'm lonely. My skin is still blue but nobody seems to care. Not even Colin has noticed me. I'd thought he would avoid me, or at least try to take another picture. Sometimes I wonder if what happened on the train was all a dream. But it wasn't, because I can see the scars on his neck. I know it was real. I'm awfully cold all of a sudden. I think I'll go sit closer to the fire. I like fire. It's so pretty. And so warm. I feel like an outcast, sitting here in the common room doing nothing, no friends. No friends, I have no friends. I don't think I ever did, I was too shy in my first year, and since The Diary, I've been a kind of an untouchable. I don't want friends; I just want people to look at me like they used too. I want people to whisper when I pass them in the halls. I can still hear that last conversation, I think they were first years, there were three of them.

"That's the weird girl, who opened the chamber of secrets." "Will says she's possessed or summat." "Off her rocker alright. D'yeh think she's dangerous?"

I want that to come back. I want it so badly. I will find a way. They'll notice me again. I'll make them.