The Substitute

Chapter 3

Longing

“Stop torturing yourself,” a voice said close to his ear. Ron didn’t need to turn to see who it was; it was the only other person in the world who really knew how Ron felt, who’d been in a similar position. He’d experienced exactly the same thing, with the added torture of feeling responsible for the death of the best friend with whom he’d been in love.

“But it’s so much fun,” Ron said grimly. A hand pressed against the small of his back, making him inhale deeply through his nose.

“Do you know how many times I stared at him for hours on end? With her? You don’t think seeing Harry and Ginny together is like seeing James and Lily again?”

“Yes, but you probably never wondered--or hoped--that he was only with your sister because James really wanted to be with you.”

Sirius snorted into his drink. “Well, not having a sister, no. And no one was ever going to confuse either me or my brother Regulus with Lily.” He glanced at the happily dancing Harry and Ginny. “Harry, on the other hand... I thought I was seeing James again when Harry came to get me.”

“You never told me that!” Ron said in surprise, finally turning to look at him. Sirius nodded.

“Well, James was already dead, so it certainly made sense for me to see him beyond the Veil. More sense than seeing Harry. What else was I to think? Oh, hello, Harry, I could have said. Have you lured any Dark Lords beyond the Veil lately in order to dispose of them?”

“Well, that’s what happened,” Ron said reasonably.

“Of course it is. But you understand why I didn’t assume that was what happened. And besides... it kills hope, that place....” His voice sounded hollow and haunted; if possible, Ron thought he sounded downright cheerful when the issue of Azkaban was raised, as opposed to the time he spent beyond the Veil.

Ron nodded, watching Harry and Ginny continue to dance, wondering how he would have reacted if Harry had gone to the realm of the dead to get him back.

“Come on,” Sirius said, his mouth very close to Ron’s ear. “Enough wallowing. Let’s give our good wishes to the bride and groom and get out of here.”

Remus grinned at them both as they approached. “Leaving so soon?”

“You should leave soon as well, Moony,” his friend teased in an undertone. “Don’t want to put off starting that wedding night.”

Hermione flushed. Ron smiled awkwardly at her, his hands in his pockets. She’d confessed to him as recently as the day that she’d announced her engagement to Remus that she’d always thought she’d marry Ron.

He gave her a quick embrace and a kiss on the cheek, muttering, “You make a beautiful bride, Hermione. Remus is very lucky.”

She had what he thought of as her brave, stiff-upper-lip smile. “Thank you, Ron.” She stepped back and took Remus’ arm dutifully, and Ron had a moment of doubt. Did she really love Remus, or was he her second choice, a substitute for the one she really wanted?

Ah well, I know about substitutes, don’t I?

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