Interviews at Hogwarts

A large, cozy room at Hogwarts. A fire is roaring, and a brunette is seated (hair is done up in a romantic bun), facing Harry Potter (just arrived from a rainy Quidditch match). There are cameras and those big lights with the umbrellas.

Smiling brunette: Hello everyone, and welcome to the first episode of "Interviews at Hogwarts." I'm your delightful host, Ellehcim Elavod. Our guest today is Harry Potter himself. What a way to kick off the first episode! Thanks so much for being here, Harry.

HP: I'm honored to be here...uh...I don't think I can pronounce your name...

EE: It's pronounced like "L-Kim." The "h" is silent. Now Harry, let's get right down to business.

HP: Sure.

EE: Excellent. Okay. [short pause] What do you think about the fanfiction that has been written about you?

HP: Er...for the most part I'd say it's been pretty interesting.

EE: Really? What is your favorite?

HP: There are so many great ones...I don't think I could choose...Although, I've recently started reading Harry Potter and the Dream of Fate...It sounds interesting. [

EE: Okay, great. Now onto the hard-hitting questions: [Harry shifts in his chair.] What do you have to say about Mary Sue fics?

HP: Some can be good. I do like all the action I seem to get in them.

EE: Ha, ha. Well, who wouldn't? He he. What do you think about SLASH fics? Specifically the ones in which you are romantically entangled with Ron, Snape, Dumbledore, Neville, Draco...

HP: [interrupting] Yeah, um, about those...people can be very creative.

EE: What's your opinion on the recent rush of Hermione/Ginny fics?

HP: [smiles widely] I've read a few. They were...very entertaining...

EE: Ha! Harry, you're such a teenager.

HP: Thanks. [winks at interviewer]

EE: I've got an e-mail question for you. It's from PottersChick123768. She wants to know if you're interested in anyone.

HP: Well, that's really not for me to say, is it? It's really up to J.K.

EE: Ah, yes, J. K. Rowling. I see. Let me ask you this, what is the deal with that fifth book?

HP: Yeah, I know...I've tried talking to her, but she's too busy with her kids or something. All I have to say is PRIORITIES. I mean, hello! I'm the Boy Who Lived!

EE: Getting back to the slash fics, what is your favorite Harry/someone pairing?

HP: [puts hands over shut eyes] My agent did not warn me of this.

EE: Just answer the question, please.

HP: Okay, but this gets left on the cutting room floor? I have your word?

EE: [smiles at readers] Sure. I promise. [fingers are crossed]

HP: Okay, well...I'd have to say me and Ron. BUT JUST BECAUSE I KNOW HIM SO WELL!

EE: Uh huh. Whatever you say.

HP: It's the truth.

EE: Sure! Of course it is. [Harry rolls his eyes] Now Harry, as you progress in your years of Hogwarts, you'll no doubt be in romantic situations. I refer to the recent Cho Chang debacle. Do you think you'll still be a virgin when you leave Hogwarts?

HP: Okay, I've had about enough of this. I'm leaving. [storms out of room and slams door]

EE: Well, that's it for today's episode of "Interviews at Hogwarts." I'm your host, Ellehcim. Remember, only "Interviews at Hogwarts" gets it on tape, and gets it to you.

Smiling brunette fades out and commercials ensue.