Like Magic

Chapter Seventeen

The kitchen at Privet Drive was carefully organised chaos that afternoon.

Upon her arrival, Lily found herself almost immediately pressed into service, washing various dishes and pans while her sister dirtied them again just as quickly.

"How large a party is this, Petunia?" asked Lily, rather bemused. She would have rather set the dishes to washing themselves with her wand, but knew that Petunia didn't like magic practised around her.

"There will be ten of us, all together," said Petunia, carefully eyeing a measuring cup of sugar. "I'm a bit of a wreck, really; I've never held a dinner party before."

"Nonsense, you'll be fine," said Lily. "That's these dishes done; what next?"

"Could you stir the cream into this soup for me, Lily?" asked Petunia, handing her two bowls. One was full of whipped cream, the other of a runny pink liquid. Lily peered inside.

"Er, what is this supposed to be, Pets?"

"Strawberry soup. I found the recipe in an old book in the back of Mrs Johnson's shop."

Lily began to stir in the cream. "If you aren't careful, you'll turn yourself into Susie Homemaker."

"I like cooking, and I like cleaning," said Petunia, checking the oven. "How can Susie Homemaker be so bad?"

"It's just - not what I expected for you," said Lily. "I thought you'd be off doing something important, like feeding the homeless or immunizing poor orphans."

"Oh, Lily," sighed Petunia, resting for a moment against the counter. "We've been over this."

"I know, I know," said Lily, a bit ashamed. "I won't bother you with it again. I promise."

"Good," said Petunia, not entirely satisfied, and she turned to rummage in the cupboard.

"But, Pets - Petunia."

Petunia sighed, and leaned her head against the doorframe. Lily just won't let anything lie, will she? she thought to herself ruefully.

"Are you happy?"

The question startled Petunia. "Happy? Why wouldn't I be? We're well off, I have all the creature comforts, and plenty of time to do as I please."

"You're cooped up in this house all day," said Lily, sounding bitter for her sister, and Petunia looked put out.

"Hardly cooped! I walk everywhere to shop, I garden - "

"You've never been one to care for possessions, Pets, or money either," continued Lily.

"They make life easier, and therefore more enjoyable," said Petunia, frowning.

"Things don't hold a candle to love," said Lily. "And love is something you didn't mention."

Petunia's face turned pale, and she set down the jar of olives a bit too hard. "I most certainly did mention love," she said haughtily.

"You didn't," said Lily. "Pets, oh Pets, tell me if you truly love Vernon as much as you loved - "

Petunia spun towards her sister, sudden anger distorting her features. "No, don't say it, Lily. Stop it! You promised not to ask again! You swore to me you would let this obsession of yours go away."

"I just want you to be happy, Pets," began Lily, but Petunia interrupted her.

"I'll be happy if you stopped calling me by that babyish name," Petunia snapped, and Lily instantly closed her mouth, gulping.

"I ... I know. It's a bit hard to call you anything else," she said quietly. "I do try ... Petunia."

Petunia sighed, her anger dissipating, and she slumped against the counter, momentarily exhausted. "I know, Lily, you're always trying. Do you ever actually succeed?"

There was a momentary silence as Lily looked at her sister with new eyes.

"What is that supposed to mean, Petunia?"

"I don't know," said Petunia, shaking her head. "Forget I said it." She turned back to the oven, but Lily reached and took her arm.

"No," she said, "you meant it. Is this about Mother? Petunia, I told you - I spoke to everyone I could - Remus even helped with the research - there isn't anything I can do to cure Mum's cancer - "

"Just how hard did you try, Lily?" cried Petunia, turning on her sister. "As far as I can tell you waved your wand once or twice over her head and then never again. What good is your magic if it can't cure Mother? She's dying, Lily, and there isn't anything you can do, is there? All your hocus pocus and abrakadabra amount to nothing, is that it?"

"Petunia, you just don't understand - I can't wave my wand and expect results, I have to know what I'm doing!" said Lily, rising to the bait. "Why do you think I'm working in the Ministry's Medical Ailments Division? I'm learning new things every day. You can't imagine how much there is that I don't know - "

"You're still learning, of course," said Petunia. "While you're playing around with books, Mother is dying, Lily. Stop wasting her time!"

"I'm doing the best I can! You don't understand how much - "

"You're right, I don't understand," snapped Petunia. "I don't understand why you can't just go and ask someone to tell you how to cure her."

"I can't just ask, Petunia - most mediwizards aren't even allowed to consult with Muggle patients, let alone cure them," cried Lily.

Petunia slammed the counter. "Just stop, Lily," said Petunia tiredly. "I don't want to hear your excuses any longer. I've heard them too many times already. Tell them to Mother instead - it's her your magic is failing now."

Lily's mouth dropped open, and for a moment she couldn't say anything. Petunia's words cut her to the quick, and the worst of it was they were true. "I know," she finally managed to say.

"She'll be sorry she missed you," continued Petunia, not looking at her sister. "She's been feeling so much stronger with the new meds that Dr Mueller prescribed, we thought a holiday might be nice. She's visiting Mrs Pettigrew in Kent for a few days."

"She's worse, then?" asked Lily, quiet.

"Dr Mueller doesn't think she'll last the year," said Petunia shortly.

Neither sister moved. Petunia, suddenly exhausted with her busy preparations, stood at the kitchen counter with her back towards Lily. She didn't see the look of complete horror that was on Lily's face at that moment; even if she had, it might not have softened her heart any. Petunia realised exactly how tired she was - tired of cooking, of cleaning, of caretaking for Violet Evans, of listening to excuse after excuse from Lily. Petunia wanted none of it anymore.

Lily swallowed. "I - why didn't you tell me this before?"

"I hadn't a chance," said Petunia bitterly. "And I didn't want to say it aloud."

"It's true, when it's spoken," said Lily, after a moment.

"Exactly," said Petunia. "You can believe something, if you don't say otherwise to someone else."

"I'll stop by in a few days," said Lily. "Spend a bit of time with her then."

"Ring first," said Petunia stiffly. "If it's a bad day for her - "

"Yes," said Lily, startled. "Of course. A bit strange, though, having to ring my own house before coming by."

"It's not your house anymore," said Petunia coolly. "You haven't lived here since you were eleven."

"But still," said Lily. "I suppose it's really more your home now, than mine. You've slept here every night since you were born."

"One night excepted," said Petunia quietly.

Lily paused. "Oh. Right. I forgot."

"I never forget," said Petunia, and her voice was quiet, and so full of sorrow that Lily decided to forget the harsh words spoken, and laid her hand on her sister's arm.

"Pets - Petunia - I would have given anything for you to join me. Or I would have given it all up and stayed with you here. You know that, don't you?"

"You didn't though," said Petunia. She didn't look at Lily.

"I couldn't, not then. And I thought - I thought you might still be able to be with me in the magical world, if not at Hogwarts then later, when we were grown up."

"I'll never be magical like you, Lily," said Petunia. "You should know that by now."

"Not like that, I thought - "

"I know what you thought," said Petunia, and her voice was bitter again. "You always think. You always go back to him, don't you? Fine then, let's get it out in the open, shall we? You wanted me to marry Peter Pettigrew and now that I've chosen another you feel like a failure, is that it?"

"Pets - Petunia - "

"Why can't you just accept that I don't love Peter, Lily?" asked Petunia, and she looked at Lily for the first time in what seemed like forever, and Lily saw a kind of desperate plea in Petunia's eyes that she hadn't noticed before.

"Because I don't believe it," she said quietly. "Pets, what you and Peter have is precious and rare and it's something you must nurture to keep alive. You're killing yourselves, keeping away from each other. I can see how it strains you, Pets, to keep a stiff upper lip when he's so far away, to pretend to love Vernon Dursley, but Pets - "

"Stop calling me Pets!" shrieked Petunia suddenly, and Lily took a step back, afraid. "I am not seven years old anymore, Lily! I don't believe in fairy tales!"

"This isn't a fairy tale, Pets," said Lily, but Petunia cut her off.

"It's as much a fairy tale as me attending Hogwarts!" snapped Petunia. "There's a laugh! You say Peter still loves me? How can I believe anything you tell me, Lily, when for three years you stuffed my head with notions of Hogwarts and Quidditch and magical lessons? And when I was sent home in the middle of the night, shuffled from train to train like the disgrace I'd made myself to be - you smiled as you sent me off, Lily. Like it was a huge joke played out on my heart. You made Hogwarts all I ever wanted, and snatched it away just when I was about to grasp it."

Lily was in shock. "Petunia - "

"Then to have to hear Mum go on and on about how lovely it was, having a witch in the family. How talented you were, and how proud she was. I got a scholarship to go to a prestigious London school and she never once mentioned me to anyone. Always Lily this, Lily that. Didn't do a bit of good, did it, all that talent of yours! She's still dying, and she still asks for you every day. 'Where's Lily? Is Lily coming today?' I hear it from morning to night."

"I visit every week or so," said Lily in defense, but Petunia was on a roll.

"Twice a month," corrected Petunia. "And you could come every day for a bit - do that instant appearance trick you do. Just to spend an hour, one beastly hour with her. That's all she wants!"

"It's not something I can just do, Pets," cried Lily. "I have to pass a test, and there's so much else on my plate right now - "

"Then clear the bloody plate off!" cried Petunia. "Pass the bloody test! This is our mother I'm talking about! Do you think it's easy for me, to be wiping her chin and changing her bedsheets when all she ever asks for is when you'll be by? You ask why I don't go and find myself a job, Lily? Mother is my bloody job, that's why! Taking care of her is a full time commitment, and I haven't any help from any quarter. I could be elected Prime Bloody Minister and I wouldn't be able to take it, because while Mother is still alive I have to care for her - and the worst part is she doesn't want my care, at all, she wants yours."

"Pets," said Lily, "I know it's been hard for you, but try to understand - "

"I don't want to understand, Lily," said Petunia. "I'll just continue making your excuses to Mother, as I've been doing. It's easier. If you can take the easy way out, so can I."

"You don't need to make excuses for me, Pets - "

"I have to," said Petunia, "because you bloody well won't make them yourself. And I told you to call me Petunia!"

"I'm trying, Petunia - "

"It's all about what you want, isn't it, Lily?" said Petunia. "You want to keep me a little girl in your pocket. You want to spend time with your new house instead of helping me with Mother. You want me to be with Peter, so you keep going and going until you get what you want. It's never about what anyone else may need, is it, Lily? The most important person to you is you!"

Lily stood in the centre of the kitchen, staring at her sister, who was growing red in the face with anger. Lily took a deep breath, and spoke. "What do you need from me, then, Petunia?"

Petunia answered in very careful, measured tones, as though she had waited all her life for the question to be asked, and wanted no mistake about her response. "I want you to accept that Vernon is my husband. I need you to realise that Peter is a part of my past that I have no wish to revisit."

"But he doesn't have to be, Pets - it's not too late," said Lily, rushing in.

"It is too late," said Petunia.

"He still loves you," said Lily. "I know it. You two together is right, I know it. I feel it in my bones. It's got nothing to do with what some old Diviner might have seen or what Dumbledore might have said. You and Peter are meant to be together. Seeing you talk with each other used to give me the warmest glow - it took me years to find out why, but I know now. When you were together, something made your auras glow, and envelop everyone around you in the warmest sense of love and caring. You don't just belong with Peter - you belong to him, and he to you. Now I look at you and your aura is cold and bleak, like a candle snuffed, like a winter landscape with only snow to see. Pets, that's how I know you shouldn't be with Vernon Dursley. This goes much deeper than any marriage vow - this is more sacred a thing than whatever you promised in front of a minister. You cannot throw this chance at happiness to the wind. You are connected to Peter forever, Pets - his fate is yours. I'll do everything I can to convince you that it's not too late to go to Peter - he'll take you back and you'll both be happy and everything will be fine. You'll see. Vernon doesn't matter anymore, let him have Grunnings, I don't care. We'll all be better off without it. None of us would need it anyway, all of our children will go to Hogwarts - "

"My child will go to Smeltings," said Petunia quietly, "like his father."

Lily scoffed. "Don't be - " She stopped, and looked at her sister more closely. "Petunia?"

Petunia looked up at Lily. "I'm pregnant, Lily." Lily didn't speak, and Petunia continued. "I'm pregnant. Due in January."

"Pregnant?" whispered Lily. She took a step backwards, and clutched her fingers together, before continuing. "It's not too late. The baby doesn't matter."

"Doesn't matter?" echoed Petunia, and she stared at her sister.

"Peter would love a baby, if it were yours," said Lily. "Come home with me, Pets, right now, you don't have to go to him right away. He'll come to you, once he knows you're free of Vernon - "

With every word that Lily spoke, Petunia became more certain of what she needed to say. "I'm free now, Lily," she said quietly.

"Don't be silly," said Lily.

"No, it's true," said Petunia firmly. "I'm free of you. Look at yourself, Lily. You refuse to listen, and when you ask what I need, you can't even manage something so simple as my name. I will not give up my baby and I will not deny him his father."

Lily shook her head. "No, Pets, that's not what I'm saying - "

"No, Lily, you listen to me!" said Petunia harshly, and the cruel tone in her voice took Lily by surprise. "You come here, dropping hints about Peter and insulting my husband. You hate every choice I've ever made about my life. All you ever give are excuses as to why you can't help me with Mother. You're poison, Lily. You're delusional! You broke my heart seven years ago, and I refuse to let you break it any longer."

"Pets - Petunia - "

"Stop, Lily, just stop," said Petunia. "You try and try, but you just don't understand - "

"I understand I've hurt you, Petunia," said Lily.

"But do you understand why?" Lily didn't answer, and Petunia turned away from her. "Go away, Lily. I just want you to go away."

"Of course," said Lily quietly, but she was shaken. Her hands trembled as she reached for her purse and headed towards the back door. "I'll come by to see Mum this weekend - "

"I won't be here," said Petunia shortly. "I don't want to see you again."

Lily stopped and turned to look at her sister. "Petunia?"

"You are poison, Lily," said Petunia quietly, unable to look Lily in the eye. "And you're killing me. You make me want what I can't have - "

"But he's still waiting for you," said Lily urgently.

"Not Peter," said Petunia, finally turning to look at Lily. Her eyes were cold, and Lily suddenly realised that Petunia was deadly serious. "It was never about Peter. If you can't understand that - " Petunia shook her head. "Go away."

"No," said Lily, trying not to sound as desperate as she felt. "I won't let you do this. I'm your sister, I love you, Petunia, I know I've been wrong about everything."

"Lily - "

"But I still love you!" shouted Lily. "I only want what's best for you, not anyone else. I only push because I thought Vernon was wrong for you. I want you to be happy, Petunia, more than anything, more than any childhood dream I might have had once. You're the most important person in the world to me, Petunia."

"Excuses," said Petunia quietly. "Just ... excuses."

Lily stared at Petunia, and gave a hollow laugh. "You're just being selfish now," she said. "First you want me to spend more time here with you and Mum, and then it's 'Oh Lily, I can't listen to you anymore - get out of my life.' Why the sudden shift, Petunia? Perhaps I'm hitting a bit close to home? Perhaps you know perfectly well how you feel towards Peter and you just don't want to admit it. Is that it, Petunia? Am I only repeating what your conscience is telling you? You can't boot out your conscience so you'll boot me out instead!"

Petunia stood and faced Lily. The two sisters stared each other down for a moment, both completely furious, both completely serious about their anger. Lily was breathing hard, her lower lip trembling, with all the mustered rage she could carry, but Petunia was deadly calm in her anger, and her eyes and her voice were cold. "Out," said Petunia. "Now. Just - get out."

"You can boot me out of this house, Petunia, but you can't boot me from your life," said Lily. "I'll always be your sister, no matter what happens between us."

Petunia reached up to her collar, and for a moment Lily thought she was going to try to choke herself. But she didn't, and fumbling, Petunia found what she was looking for, and ripped it from her neck. Lily heard the thin gold chain snap, and didn't have time to flinch before Petunia had thrown the necklace at her head.

"Get out," screamed Petunia, her rage finally breaking. "I have no sister! None!"

Lily bent to pick up the broken chain with the heart-shaped pendant reading "Lily." She stood and stared at Petunia, now red-faced, her hair falling into her eyes, tears rolling down her hot cheeks. Lily held the necklace tightly in her hand, close to her heart.

"You may not have a sister, Petunia Dursley," she said quietly, before slipping out the back door, "but I do."

* * *

Lily felt the life had been drained from her body. She climbed over the backyard fence and walked to the canal, the site of so many happy childhood days.

Lily sank onto the ground and lay staring up at the sky watching the trees bending in the breeze and the clouds rushing overhead. She was unaware of the birds singing or the canal boat chugging past.

After some time, Lily sat back up and stared into the slowly flowing water. Occasional ripples would break the water's surface. Brown ducks lazily swam back and forth in the canal. Raising her eyes she looked across the water and beyond the trees lining the canal and saw the primary school she, Petunia and Peter had attended so long ago.

A group of children came running down the tow path, full of laughter and life. Two young girls, looking like sisters, walked past Lily with their heads together. Lily found her eyes filling with tears, she quickly buried her head in her lap, tears soaking her knees. Lily wept for the sister who had closed the door on her. Why? Why is Petunia doing this? I only did what is right for her. I've only ever tried to help her. I don't understand it.

"Are you all right?" a young voice asked above her.

Startled, Lily looked up to see the younger of the two girls standing before her. The look of concern in the child's eyes shocked her. It reminded her of Petunia, looking on an injured bird, or another crying child.

"No, no, I'm fine. Thank you," Lily said. It's just what Pets would do, be worried about someone else. Lily tried to smile at the girl.

Her older sister said, "I told you, Beth," and began to walk away.

"I still think the lady is sad, Becky," said the little girl, a bit sulky, but turned to follow her sister back up the tow path. "Maybe she would feel happier if I gave her a piece of my chocolate."

"No, Beth. Mummy would be really angry if she knew we were talking to strangers."

"But she looks so sad."

The girls' conversation faded away leaving Lily alone again. Lily looked down at her hands and slowly brought a finger to her mouth to chew. She stopped abruptly, determined she would never do that again.

Slowly, Lily got to her feet again. Turning, she began to walk home. Home - she wanted to be home again. Lily wasn't even paying attention to where she was going when she found herself approaching the back yard of her house. I don't belong here anymore, Petunia is right. The Pettigrews don't live next door anymore. Mr Pettigrew is dead just like Papa. Why did everything have to change? I want to be a child again. Lily looked at the house. It was Petunia's house now, and closed to her. The pain tore through her. James, hold me. I need you so much.

Lily turned and ran from her childhood home to the bus stand. Climbing on she found a seat in the rear of the bus where she could be alone. The ride seemed endless as were the thoughts of what had happened in the kitchen. Another tear crept down her cheek only to be followed shortly by another. At last, the bus arrived at its terminus in Greenwich. Lily walked rapidly to the train to London and boarded. She found a seat near the rear of the train, and stared out the window as the train rolled along. Several people sat next to her though she was unaware of it.

"Lily," a low soft silky voice said. "You shouldn't let yourself be caught so unaware."

Lily jumped and turned. The young man sitting next to her was hardly recognisable, but Lily would know that voice and that nose anywhere. Severus Snape was dressed in dark clothes that only emphasised how pale he was. Dark deep circles lined his eyes, and Lily thought she could see the hint of a bruise on one cheek.

"Severus! What are you doing here?"

"You should be more careful, Lily." Snape didn't seem the least bit inclined towards small talk, and his voice was so low and serious that Lily was quite unnerved.

"I - I'm upset about something," Lily stuttered.

"I can see that," he said dryly.

Lily came out of her self-involvement momentarily. "Severus? Are you all right? You look so - different."

Severus snapped back defensively, "What do you mean?"

"Well, you look so tired and thin." Lily didn't want to tell him that his eyes looked flat, haunted and dead. Or, that his light absorbing black robes robbed his complexion of all colour giving it an unhealthy pallor. Lily's eyes looked intently at Severus and in concern her hand began to move toward his.

"Don't think about me, Lily," Severus hissed at her drawing back from the physical contact. "Constant vigilance, Lily. Constant vigilance."

Lily turned to look back out of the window lost in her own thoughts again, and did not hear the very quiet 'pop' next to her. She turned back to speak but Severus was gone. She looked around the car and didn't see him. I must have imagined him. Why would Severus be on a Muggle train? He usually seems to avoid anything Muggle-related. Lily shook her head and sighed, troubled.

Odd how Severus seems to show up at crucial times. I still can't figure out why he kept me from blowing up my cauldron in Potions. He kept Petunia's journey to Hogwarts to himself, too. It is so unlike him to care about others but he does. Why does he try so hard to hide it? He gets no thanks for what he's done ... Oh! He's like Petunia. Oh, Petunia, I am sorry. Why didn't I see it before?

The train pulled into Waterloo Station and Lily dashed for the Tube. She pushed her way into a crowded car, rode two stops before exiting and ran up the stairs to a door obscured by wizard charms. Lily leaned into the door and entered a room with only a fireplace in it.

There was a small vending machine near the fireplace, and into it Lily deposited several small bronze coins. A small packet dropped down into the chute, and Lily unwrapped it, revealing a bit of powder. Taking out her wand, Lily lit the fire, and threw the powder into it. The flames flared green as she stepped in calling "Godric's Hollow."

"James!" she called out as she stepped out of their fireplace. "James, are you here?" The house remained silent, and Lily wandered into the kitchen, half expecting to find James with his head in the icebox. Looking at the kitchen table she saw a note. It was short.

Lily,

I have been called away for several days. I will Floo tonight at nine.

I love you. James

Lily sat on a chair and slumped down, her head on the table. Damn. Why did you get sent away now? I need you, James. I need to talk to someone. Who can I go to?

Remus? He had heard enough about her problems with Petunia and Vernon. Sirius? He was the last person who would understand. Peter? He was one of the reasons she was in this bind.

Mrs Pettigrew. She could go to Mrs Pettigrew. She'll help, I know she will.

Lily ran to the small closet upstairs, washed her face, pulled a brush through her hair and put a jacket on. She ran back down the stairs to the fireplace. She took a pinch of powder from the jar on the mantle in her fingers and threw it into the opening. Stepping in Lily called out, "Farthing Cottage - Woodchurch," and vanished into the flames.

Lily felt the familiar tugging feeling as she passed by many chimneys until Farthing Cottage appeared. She stepped out and looked around.

"Mrs Pettigrew! Mrs Pettigrew, are you here? It's me, Lily. Lily Potter." Lily heard steps coming towards her and turned hopefully at the sound.

"Mistress you's be wanting?" asked a house elf.

"Yes, I was hoping Mrs Pettigrew was here."

"She be in out of doors with herselves. I shows you," and the house elf bowed its way out of the room.

"Er, thank you?" Lily followed the elf through the house.

"I is Nibbly."

Nibbly took Lily out into the garden where Mrs Pettigrew was sitting under a folly lit with small candles and reading a large spell book. Roses grew up and over the folly. The roses mixed with lavender and jasmine creating a living perfume.

"Mistress, Nibbly brungs you young missus."

Beatrice Pettigrew looked up from her book, and smiled widely. She set a rose as a bookmark in the book and closed it, standing to greet her young guest.

"Lily, what a lovely surprise! You look like you could use some refreshment. Here, sit next to me," said the older lady, and turned back to the house elf. "Thank you, Nibbly, for bringing her to me. Please bring out a tray for us. The usual?"

"I goes Mistress." Nibbly popped out.

"I didn't know you had a house elf, Mrs Pettigrew," Lily said.

"I didn't," said Mrs Pettigrew. "My father didn't want me to be alone and sent Nibbly to live with me when I came down here. Parents always worry about their children no matter how old they are." Smiling at Lily, Mrs Pettigrew continued, "And, of course, children about their parents. Your mother is sleeping upstairs."

Lily jumped. "My mother? Oh, I'd forgotten she was here."

"She and I sat out in the garden nearly all afternoon, and talked of everything under the sun. A bit of a catharsis for her, really, I think. She apologised to be such a dreary houseguest as to go to bed before tea, but she does need a good amount of rest these days."

"Yes," said Lily. "Petunia said as much to me earlier. She grows weaker day by day - "

"I fear this may be the last visit I have with her," said Mrs Pettigrew quietly. Lily reached for Mrs Pettigrew's hand and held it tightly. Mrs Pettigrew squeezed it gently in return, and smiled at Lily, shaking her hand a bit.

"Petunia rang me a bit earlier," said Mrs Pettigrew casually, "and from what she said, I suspected you might be coming by."

"You have a telephone?"

"I made many friends among the Muggles in Surrey. I like to talk with them from time to time. I don't expect they have owls, Lily."

"No," Lily said, looking at her feet. "I don't think they do."

Nibbly popped back into the garden carrying a tray laden with cakes, sandwiches and tea.

"That will be all, Nibbly," said Mrs Pettigrew, and Nibbly disappeared again. "Tea, Lily?"

Lily nodded and Mrs Pettigrew poured the steaming water into the pot. She offered a plate to Lily and gestured to the sandwiches. Lily watched as Mrs Pettigrew poured two cups, put the pot back down and placed the cosy over the pot.

"Sugar? Milk?"

"No, thank you, Mrs Pettigrew," Lily said in a soft voice.

"It's been a long while since you called me 'Mrs Pettigrew,' Lily."

"I know it has but - " Lily stopped, feeling tears building rapidly in her eyes. She set her cup down and walked over to the roses climbing up the wall. "Why did Petunia call you?"

"She was very upset."

"Did she tell you why she was upset?" Lily asked, concentrating very hard on the roses. Pink, red, pale peach. She couldn't look Mrs Pettigrew in the face.

"Not at first. I was worried that maybe something had happened with her baby."

Lily spun around with a gasp. "You knew? She told you she was having a baby? You knew before I did. Why couldn't she have told me before?"

"She was afraid of what you might say to her when you found out, Lily," Mrs Pettigrew said quietly. "You tend to treat Petunia as if she were still a little girl when she is a grown woman. You hurt her very badly today, Lily. It was not a kind thing you said to her, regarding her husband. It was selfish, very selfish."

"But she doesn't love Vernon Dursley!" cried Lily. "Peter would be a good father to her baby."

"Lily! I want you to stop it now," Mrs Pettigrew said severely. "You're not a child anymore. You can't dictate to people who they will love, and you cannot force them to love someone either. It's unforgivable! If you still believe you can do that, then I'm afraid that it's time for you to grow up."

Lily sank into a chair, despondent. She could not bring her eyes up to look at Mrs Pettigrew. They sat in silence for several long minutes.

"I guess I have really messed up, haven't I," Lily pondered. "I didn't mean for it to end up like this. Now Petunia won't even see me. She threw me out of the house." A tear rolled down Lily's face.

Mrs Pettigrew handed her a lace edged handkerchief. "Blow your nose, dear. I know you think I am being cruel saying these things, Lily. Try to understand Petunia's point of view for a moment. Will you?" Lily nodded. "Good. Now your sister does have someone who loves her - yes, Lily, he does love her very much."

"I know," said Lily quietly.

But Mrs Pettigrew wasn't finished. "Not attending Hogwarts was one of the largest disappointments Petunia has ever faced, yet she has come to accept it. The only thing that has kept her from completely healing, Lily, is you. By continually trying to incorporate her into our magical world, you have kept that wound open."

"Mrs - "

"No, Lily," interrupted Mrs Pettigrew. "I want you to listen to me before you say anything."

Lily sat back in her seat.

"I was reading a very interesting article in the Daily Prophet last week. I shared it with your mother this afternoon. When a non-wizard woman is pregnant with a wizarding child, there is a special sort of bond formed between the two. It's as though while in utero, the fetus creates a permanent record of itself that forever reminds the mother of its identity. Now, among all mothers and children, it is natural for the mother to form a bond with that child while in utero. But in the case of a Muggle mother and wizard child, the bond is intensified. A Muggle mother will go to great lengths to protect and love their wizard child, against all odds."

"Mrs Pettigrew, I read the same article," said Lily with a frown. "I hardly think this has anything to do with myself and Petunia."

"Your mother made it very clear to your sister that she was an unexpected disappointment," said Mrs Pettigrew. "This is the other side effect of the magical imprint left inside your mother, Lily. The bond you formed with Violet makes it difficult for her sub-conscious to recognise a non-magical bond. Her resentment of Petunia only grew because I think deep inside, she knew that she would never form such a close bond with her younger daughter. Violet's pregnancy with you was the happiest time of life for her, or so she told me. But when she was pregnant with Petunia, she could see nothing but dark corners and hidden hallways, and when Petunia was born, she was thankful her ordeal was over, instead of glorying in the newborn child."

Lily stared at Mrs Pettigrew with wide eyes. "It was me all along?" she asked, her voice quite high.

"No, dear, you mustn't blame yourself," said Mrs Pettigrew, reaching for Lily's hand. "Hardly your fault that you were born first. Your father tried to compensate once he realized the extent of the neglect. I think he and Petunia became closer than even Maurice and I. Once you and Peter went off to Hogwarts those two were always together. I loved seeing them together. He would indulge her. It was so sweet to see."

Lily was stunned at the revelation coming from her old neighbour. She had known from childhood her mother had exhibited favouritism. It really had been obvious and I preferred to ignore the unfairness of it most of the time.

"I was jealous of all the attention he gave her," Lily said softly.

"I know, dear."

"Why can't Mum see Petunia as we do?"

"Your mother told me this afternoon that she really hadn't thought much of Petunia until you went away. Then, when your sister didn't get a letter for Hogwarts she was down right mean about her not being a witch. Well, let's just say nothing more of that."

Mrs Pettigrew drank from her cup. She swirled the leaves around in her cup and drank the dregs, tipping her cup onto the saucer.

"Poor Petunia," said Lily. "I was at school writing her letters about how wonderful it was. Telling all about the interesting classes I was taking. And I was blind. Why couldn't I have seen it?"

"Lily, it is the nature of all of us to be self centred in our youth," said Mrs Pettigrew calmly. "You were no worse than anybody else. Your mother does love Petunia. She told me so. Your mother talked non-stop about the loving care Petunia gives her. She is very excited to have a grandchild coming too. Violet has been fortunate to have daughters so devoted to her."

But Lily wasn't ready to be comforted just yet. "Petunia has been taking care of Mum all this time with little help from me. She's right. I could have come more often, but I always found an excuse. I could have tried harder to find a cure for Mum."

"Lily, even we cannot cure all ills."

"But I didn't try hard enough," Lily moaned.

"Lily, don't abuse yourself over it," chided Mrs Pettigrew gently. "You cannot change the past, you can only resolve to do better in the future."

"I'll ask to have leave so I can help with Mummy," Lily said quickly.

"I'm not certain that is such a good idea, Lily," said Mrs Pettigrew carefully. "Petunia was immensely pained because you meddled in her life. Allow your sister the time and space to heal. It took a long time to fracture your relationship and it will take time to mend it."

"I want Petunia to know that I realise I was wrong, Mrs Pettigrew," said Lily urgently. "The thought that she has shut me out of her life is more agonizing than I can bear."

"Be patient," said Mrs Pettigrew. "With luck and time on your side, Petunia will allow you back into her life. Just don't expect it to be easily resolved."

Lily sat quietly for a moment, and looked up to see the sun setting. "This has been a horrible day," she said aloud. "I'm so glad it's nearly over."

"I wouldn't call it horrible, necessarily," said Mrs Pettigrew. "Just ... enlightening."

Lily set her teacup on the small table. "Mrs Pettigrew? I don't have to like Vernon, do I?"

Mrs Pettigrew chuckled. "No, you don't have to like him. You must, however, exhibit some of that Gryffindor courage and come to accept him as the man Petunia loves and the father of her child. She does care a great deal for Vernon. Can you try to accept him for that, and not bother her any longer over what was surely a childhood crush?"

Lily wrinkled her nose. "I suppose, but I shan't like it."

"There are a great many things we don't like in life." Mrs Pettigrew patted her hand, and rose from her chair. "I think we should go in now, Lily. It gets a little chilly here at dusk."

Lily rose and on impulse, hugged Mrs Pettigrew. "I should go, James said he'd Floo me tonight." Lily stepped from the embrace, tears still on her cheek but a slight smile on her face.

"You're welcome to spend the night, too, Lily. I miss having people in the house."

"May I accept the offer for another time? I am so tired and I need to think some more."

"Of course dear. Nibbly," Mrs Pettigrew called. The house elf popped out into the garden. "Please show Lily to the fireplace. I'll be in momentarily."

Lily paused. "If I might - may I look in on Mum before I go? I won't wake her."

Mrs Pettigrew smiled indulgently. "Of course. Nibbly shall show you to her room; you may Floo directly from there if you like. I've left the fire going, as your mother does become chilled in the evenings."

Lily felt a chill herself at the thought of her mother's deterioration. "Good-bye Beatrice. Thank you."

"Ah! I'm Beatrice again?" Mrs Pettigrew's eyes began to sparkle a bit, and she smiled at the young woman.

"Yes," said Lily quietly. "I came here hoping to find a bit of my childhood again. But you said it yourself - you can't change what's in the past. I no longer need my childhood tonight."

Mrs Pettigrew felt her eyes grow hot with unshed tears, and she squeezed the younger woman's hand. "Dear Lily! Sweet dreams."

* * *

Lily sat on the chair near her mother's bed, watching as Violet Evans' chest rose and fell with each breath. Mrs Evans' face was drawn and pale, her cheeks sunken. Dark circles were around her eyes, and Lily could hear the faint rasp with each breath.

"Mum," whispered Lily, and took her mother's hand. Violet did not stir, and Lily said no more, only looking on her mother with such sorrow in her eyes that she could hardly bear it.

She was so happy just a few months ago, at Petunia's wedding, thought Lily miserably. So strong, I remember she laughed as she danced with Vernon and then with James.

But Lily also remembered that Violet Evans had not danced after that, and in fact had left the party early to go home. And at Lily's own wedding, she had not danced at all.

It isn't fair, that you should go like this. It isn't fair, that I have completely fouled it up for Petunia. It really is my fault that you couldn't love her, no matter what Beatrice might have said. If I'd just been Muggle like you, you might have loved us both the same.

Lily bit her lip, and lowered her head to the bed. She felt the tears roll down her face, and wet the blankets covering her mother's thin frame. Mrs Evans stirred softly in her sleep, a smile coming over her face, and Lily tried to smile through her own tears.

"It isn't your fault, either," she whispered, and kissed her mother gently on the cheek. She went to the fireplace and found the jar of Floo powder on the mantle. Taking a last look at her sleeping mother, Lily threw a pinch of powder into the fireplace, and stepped in.

* * *

Mrs Pettigrew waited until she was certain that Lily had left the house before heading back inside. She walked over to the mirror and gazed into it. "Beatrice," she said to herself, "you can't go to bed yet."

The mirror yawned back at her. "Well, you should. Look at those lines in your - "

"Oh, shut it, you," Mrs Pettigrew said to the mirror, frowning. "Nibbly!" she called out.

"Yes, Mistress?"

"I will be occupied for a while. Will you look in on our guest if she wakes?"

"Nibbly does. You's goings out?"

"No, Nibbly. I'll be in the library, working."

"Nibbly lights fires for yous."

Mrs Pettigrew smiled at Nibbly and caressed his head in gratitude. Nibbly vanished immediately.

By the time Mrs Pettigrew entered the library a roaring fire was warming the room. Mrs Pettigrew sighed deeply and walked to the fire and gazed into the leaping flames. Her hand reached up to the enameled box on the mantle. Fingers deftly flipped back the lid and took a pinch of the powder within the box. Looking down at her fingers for another second Mrs Pettigrew tossed the powder into the fire. "Albus Dumbledore, might I have a word?"

* * *

Albus Dumbledore was sitting in his favourite chair in the Headmasters office. It had conformed to his shape over the years, and felt like an old friend to him. His jar of lemon drops (a taste acquired from time spent in the Muggle world) sat close at hand.

It was still several weeks until the longest day of the year, but it was a chilly May evening at Hogwarts, so Dumbledore had the fire lit. In fact, every torch and each candelabrum in the room was lit, in a vain attempt to drive the dampness from the room. When his dark-robed guest appeared, however, Dumbledore darkened the majority of the lights, allowing his guest the ability to secret himself in the varied shadows that played upon the walls and furniture. The ceiling was lost in the depths of the shadows, as was the deep chair his guest had chosen to occupy.

"Can I get you anything?" asked Dumbledore calmly.

"No," came the curt reply.

Dumbledore took up his wand and pointed it at a pot on his desk. "Incendo cocoa," and the pot began to emit a steaming sweet scent. Pointing his wand to a cupboard on the other side of the room, he beckoned two mugs. The mugs drifted across the room, past Fawkes, landing gently beside the pot. Dumbledore poured the cocoa into the mugs. Smiling impishly at his guest, the Headmaster dropped a marshmallow into his own mug and four into the other, pushing the marshmallow-laden drink across his desk.

The man did not pick up the mug but continued to watch Dumbledore.

"I wish you would drink that," said Dumbledore after a moment. "You need it, you know."

Opposite him the man reluctantly took the mug in his hand and the warmth ran up his fingers, taking the numbness away. He stared at the slowly melting marshmallows, holding the mug so close to his face he could very nearly taste the sugar, but did not drink.

"I think it would be better if you would drink it."

Obediently, the man raised it to his lips and drank down the mug leaving a white sugary moustache on his lips. Smiling, Dumbledore reached across his desk and re-filled the mug. It, too, was rapidly emptied. Dumbledore then passed a plate of sandwiches across the desk.

"It would please me, very much, if you ate these as well," he smiled encouragingly.

It was less of a battle getting the man to eat than it had been to drink the cocoa. Having finished the sandwiches, the man sat back with a deep sigh.

"I cannot allow you to continue, if this is how you come back to me," Dumbledore said gently. "Do not neglect yourself."

"I have other worries to consider," said the man shortly.

"All the same," Dumbledore began patiently, "perhaps it would be best if you were to rest before - "

"No," the man said quickly. "Headmaster, he is moving quickly."

"Ah, but not so quickly that you should not have some rest."

"I - I cannot, Headmaster."

"Perhaps, I have asked too much of you," Albus said with guilt in his voice. "Asking someone as young as you to carry such a burden was unfair."

"Then why did you ask me?"

"Alas, there was no other choice - " and the Headmaster was interrupted mid-sentence by the sudden roaring and flaring coming from the fireplace and sending sparks out into the room.

"Albus Dumbledore," began the voice. The Headmaster's wand slipped into his hand as he quickly moved toward the fire, blocking the view of his office. At the same time he dimmed more candles with a subtle shift of his hand. The Headmaster's guest retreated to the comforting deep shadows of the room. "Might I have a word?"

Dumbledore's expression instantaneously shifted from one on guard to a smiling face.

"Ah! Beatrice Pettigrew. I had not expected to speak with you again so soon."

Beatrice's brow furrowed slightly. "Nor had I, Albus. I had a telephone call from Petunia Dursley this afternoon, followed by a visit from her sister. You had asked me to contact you - "

Albus looked over the top of his half moon glasses at Beatrice Pettigrew. He took a lemon drop from a jar on his desk. "I feel I may need this."

Beatrice sighed. "I am afraid the news is not pleasant, Albus."

"Ah, so Lily's stubborn streak has caused a problem?" He thought of the man hidden deep in the shadows of his office who possessed a stubborn streak possibly greater than Lily's but lacking her charming nature. "Alas, we have never been able to teach our students that words are far more potent a weapon than a physical blow."

"Albus," Beatrice looked mournfully at the Headmaster, "Lily's words were unfortunate and damning in her sister's eyes."

"Tell me what you know," Albus said trying to sort through the information.

Sighing deeply, Beatrice Pettigrew organised her thoughts carefully. "When Petunia rang me I assumed it was to re-assure herself that Mrs Evans was well. When I heard the distress in Petunia's voice I feared something more had happened - that her pregnancy was at risk."

Dumbledore raised his eyebrows.

"I questioned her, concerned. You must understand Petunia has always held a special place in my heart, almost like a - " Beatrice stopped, biting her lip. She could not tell him she had often pretended the girl was hers; it was a secret she felt no man could understand. "Petunia was quite beyond consolation, Albus. I love Lily dearly, but she was beyond reason. Lily did not see that every word she spoke fuelled old childhood rivalries and jealousies."

"Childhood rivalries and jealousies do not - "

"Albus, Lily went beyond that. She attacked her sister's choice of a father for her child," Beatrice said, feeling tears sting in her eyes. "Lily told Petunia that Peter would raise her child and love it as his own. She forced Petunia into a position where the only thing she could do was - "

"Refuse to speak with Lily," Dumbledore said, finishing her sentence.

Tears slowly fell from Beatrice's eyes and down her cheeks as she nodded in agreement. "Petunia has told Lily to never come near her again," and she put her handkerchief to her eyes as the tears fell more rapidly. "Lily came to me a short while ago, Albus. She acknowledges that Petunia feels greatly betrayed by her actions and wishes to remedy the pain caused by words so thoughtlessly spoken. I advised Lily to allow Petunia time."

"I hope that Lily has that time," Albus Dumbledore said reaching for another lemon drop. "I am greatly saddened that Lily acted so rashly. Lily has surprised me before in her ability to look at a prejudice, re-assess it, admit her error completely and try to remedy it. She has done so in the past - we can only hope she shall have a chance to do so in the future." He thought briefly of the man in the shadows.

"Lily has realised some part of it," Beatrice said, her brow smoothing a bit. "She knows that Petunia does not wish to be a part of the magical world, other than be the sister of a witch. The bond is so strong between them. They yearn for one another."

"If Lily can control herself," Albus said carefully, "I believe with time Petunia will forgive her." Time. Time is the key to all, he thought wistfully. "We can just hope we all have time enough."

"I only hope I have done the correct thing, Albus."

"Beatrice, you listened. What more could you do?"

"I saw this building a long while ago, Albus. I saw that Mrs Evans' treatment of the two children was wildly different," she said in a self-accusing tone.

"Beatrice, you cannot condemn yourself over what we have only recently understood ourselves. Who could have foreseen the bonds created during pregnancy between Muggles and wizards? It will certainly make us all more aware of the pitfalls facing those families," Albus Dumbledore said soothingly.

"You are right, of course. I just regret those girls are suffering for it."

"As do I. You are exhausted Beatrice. Leave this to rest on my shoulders now," he smiled at her.

"Thank you, Albus for listening to me. I am sorry to have interrupted your evening."

"It was unexpected but none the less a pleasure, Beatrice."

"Good night then, Albus."

Albus Dumbledore smiled as he raised his wand and extinguished the fire. Turning back to face the room his expression turned serious.

"I am sorry. I will make certain in the future to never have the fireplace lighted when you visit me."

The man looked shaken as he stepped back to his chair beside the Headmaster's desk. He nervously sat on the chair's edge, ready to flee.

"It will not happen again," Albus said, trying to soothe the man. "I know you will keep my conversation confidential."

"Of course," the other man snapped. "You know I keep my word, Headmaster."

"Yes, I do."

"Headmaster, I saw Lily today on the train," said the man quickly. Dumbledore looked at the man in astonishment but did not interrupt him. "Lily was not aware I was there until I spoke to her. Headmaster - Lily must be made to understand how dangerous it is - "

Dumbledore stopped the man. "No, I do not want you to risk yourself again that way. I cannot have you expose yourself, even to protect Lily."

"Would you have had me leave her exposed?"

"I would not have you exposed."

"I don't matter, Headmaster."

"Do not say that again."

The man sat back in his chair chastened and comforted by the Headmaster's words. It was several moments before he took up his recital of information, and the soft murmuring of secrets filled the small room at Hogwarts. Albus Dumbledore lost himself in the words, willing himself to forget about Lily Potter and Petunia Dursley, and instead turned his thoughts to the far more pressing issue of the mole in the Ministry. It was a far easier problem to solve than that of a girl who wanted nothing to do with anything like magic again.