Like Magic

Chapter Sixteen

May 1979
Petunia sat on the little iron bench in the back garden, hands on her lap. Every now and then she reached to touch her stomach lightly, and then continued to look at the flowers blooming in the yard next door.

Petunia was lost in her own thoughts, unaware that in the time she'd sat outside it had begun to mist heavily, coating her skin in dew. She didn't notice when her neighbour stepped into her own garden and looked over the fence.

"Petunia Dursley!" said Beatrice Pettigrew, half scolding. A weary smile was on her face, but sorrow filled her eyes. "It's misty tonight, and you've not even a jacket."

Petunia blinked. "I hadn't even noticed," she said softly. "I thought the last of your things left two days ago?"

"I only came back to make sure nothing was forgotten," said Mrs Pettigrew. "You'll have new neighbours in another week or two." Mrs Pettigrew cocked her head and looked quizzingly at Petunia. "Dear, is everything all right? You're a bit off today." After all, you're talking to me for the first time in nearly six months, she thought wryly.

Petunia was quiet for a moment, and then turned to look at Mrs Pettigrew for the first time. "I - " She blinked, and Mrs Pettigrew was startled to see a haunted coldness in her blue eyes that she was certain hadn't been there before. Petunia looked much thinner since her marriage, her face was pinched, and whatever was worrying her made her look desperately pale. Mrs Pettigrew smiled at her, but worry for her young neighbour filled her mind.

"Go on, dear," she said. "Sometimes saying things aloud can help."

Petunia looked back to the flowers, and a very long moment went by. Just when Mrs Pettigrew was about to sigh and say her goodbyes, Petunia began to speak as though she'd been talking freely all along.

"I know she means well. She always means well. But I'm tired of hearing it, how sad and lonesome he has been since Christmas. How she always manages to pick a fight with Vernon when she is here. I can see it in her eyes, she's disappointed with me. Why can't she just be happy for me? Why can't she understand that this is what I wanted? I don't even want to tell her - "

"Petunia!" called a voice from inside the house. Petunia blinked, and sat up straighter.

"Vernon's home," she whispered. She looked over at Mrs Pettigrew. "I won't see you again, will I?"

"No, my dear," said Mrs Pettigrew quietly. "I shall think of you."

"I'd like that," said Petunia, very much out of character for herself, and she stepped back into the house. Mrs Pettigrew blinked very rapidly, thinking that she might begin to cry, but managing to catch herself.

Drat that Lily Potter, she thought to herself. When will she learn to leave well enough alone?

* * * * *

Albus Dumbledore's office at Hogwarts was the haven of many a former schoolmate and pupil, and not a day went by that the Headmaster didn't have one or the other drop by for cups of tea, lemon scones, and bits of gossip. Dumbledore relished the moments away from the busy school, not simply because the stories of make-ups and break-ups were often far less complicated than that of teenagers, but every so often he could catch a small tidbit that would prove useful later on.

It had been one such conversation, of course, that had clued him in on the connection between his current guest's son and the sister of one of Hogwarts' most promising Head Girls.

"Bea, how are you enjoying Kent? I hear it's marvelous this time of year."

"Only if you like rain, Albus. A spot more tea?"

"Of course, of course."

"Still. I wonder if I shouldn't have stayed in Surrey after all."

Albus Dumbledore raised his eyebrows. "Why, Beatrice Pettigrew. Homesick already?"

"No, of course not. I haven't stayed in that house since - I was talking of Petunia Dursley, really."

"Lily Potter's sister."

"You remember the girl, Albus?"

"I could hardly forget her," said the man. "A Muggle child finding her way to Hogwarts, unassisted, at the age of eleven? Quite a precocious girl. I believe it is a first Hogwarts history, or I'm much mistaken. She's married now, I understand."

"Yes, and I'm afraid Lily doesn't approve. She's always had it in her head that my Peter and Petunia were well suited for each other. She even came to me once asking for help with a love potion."

Albus Dumbledore sat up straighter. "You don't say?"

"I told her right, of course, how messing with people's emotions is the very worst kind of magic possible, and I thought I'd gotten the message through. Only now - "

"Yes?"

"Well, Petunia seemed quite upset about it, really, the last day I was in Surrey. Mind you, Petunia hasn't spoken to me often since I brought her home from Hogwarts - seven years ago! Seems longer, doesn't it? But she was positively chatty, for her. I think Lily has been after her again. And in Petunia's condition, it isn't good for her."

Dumbledore leaned back in his chair, pressing his fingers to his lips. "A conundrum, to be sure. Much like taking that last lemon scone?"

"Oh, I couldn't. I'm positively stuffed. Well, perhaps half."

When Beatrice Pettigrew finally left some time later, after a good deal more gossip concerning her various cousins and acquaintances, Dumbledore remained by his fire, staring into the flames. Had it only been seven years since Petunia's flight to Hogwarts? Was it seven years ago that he had sat in this very chair and spoken to a tearful Lily Evans about her sister's fate?

"I am a very old fool," said Dumbledore to himself. "And there is very little to be done about it." He reached for the small box on the table beside him, and taking a pinch of the powder inside, tossed it into the fire. "James Potter, a word."

A moment later the tousled head of James Potter appeared in the flames. "Professor! A surprise - oh, we weren't to come to tea today? I could have sworn Lily said we were meeting you next week."

"That's correct, James," said Dumbledore. "Actually, I had a question for you."

"Anything, Professor." James's face smiled broadly at him from the fire, and Dumbledore sighed, not certain how long James would be smiling.

"Your wife is rather enamoured with the thought of Petunia Dursley and Peter Pettigrew, or so I understand."

"She was, once, but I believe she's over that now," said James, frowning a little. "She hasn't mentioned it to me in years."

"Is that right?"

"Well, she last said something about it a year or so ago, when she convinced Peter to go to her father's picnic," said James. "But she hasn't said a word since."

"To you or to anyone?"

"To me," said James. "I wouldn't know about anyone else, Professor."

Dumbledore leaned back in his chair. "When was the last time you saw Petunia Dursley, James, if you don't mind my asking?"

James frowned. "Well .... I suppose it would have to be our wedding. Lily usually goes to Surrey on her own. I don't believe Vernon cares for me over much, and I think that I remind Petunia of bad memories, so I just stay at home."

Dumbledore sighed. "Thank you, James. Oh - and James - "

"Yes, Professor?"

Dumbledore pointed his wand at the fire. "Obliviate."

James blinked. "Oh, Professor Dumbledore! I'm sorry, I didn't see you in the fire - I hope we weren't to come to tea today?"

"No, of course not," said Albus Dumbledore calmly. "So sorry to disturb you, James, only I was wondering if you could tell me where Lily is today?"

* * * * *

The house in Godric's Hollow was still rather dilapidated. When James and Lily had purchased it at the beginning of the year, they had agreed to work together to rebuild and refurbish it. However, Lily had found herself doing a majority of the refurbishing, as well as the rebuilding, albiet the latter with Remus Lupin's assistance. James had been spending more and more time at work, as the rumblings of the newly named Death Eaters became more powerful.

"What a stupid name," muttered Lily as she rubbed the sandpaper into the small crevices of the front stair. "Honestly, Voldemort and the Death Eaters. It sounds like a horrid be-bop band from the '50s. Where do they come up with these things?"

"I think they drew names from a hat," said Remus from the landing, where he was hammering in a railing. "The runner up was Voldie's Minions of Pure Undoctrined Evil. Took too long to say."

Lily laughed. "You're ridiculous."

"I'm ridiculous? You're the one who's demanding that we do all this work by hand!"

"It's easier to pay attention to detail when you do this kind of thing by hand, and not magic," said Lily. "You're like Sirius, always looking for an easy way out."

"Hey, did you see the bird he had wrapped around his arm last week?" asked Remus with a grin.

"No! Tell me."

"She was wearing robes slit up to here - " resting his hand somewhere very high up on his thigh " - and patent leather boots that went up to here." He moved his hand about two inches lower. Lily sat back on the step, laughing.

"He's a scamp. Do you think he'll ever settle down?"

"Never. He feels it's his duty in life to be as unlike his given name as possible."

Lily sighed, and leaned her head back against the wall. "If it hadn't been for James, I think Sirius Black may have very well broken my heart a dozen times over."

"You and half the girls in England," said Remus.

A knock sounded at the door, and Lily jumped up. "Oh, if it's another salesman I'll have to hex someone. James was supposed to make this house Unplottable last week." Remus couldn't see the front door from his perch on the landing, so he stopped hammering to listen to her walk towards the door. He heard the door open, and Lily exclaim in delight. "Oh, Professor Dumbledore! What a surprise!"

"I tried to contact you with the Floo Network, but I'm afraid - "

"I didn't light a fire, it's far too hot as it is," laughed Lily. "I don't believe there's a clean place to sit anywhere in the house, Professor, but - " Remus heard a pop, and smiled, knowing that Lily was Transfiguring something downstairs. "There! I think that's fairly close to your chair at Hogwarts, isn't it?"

"Thank you, Lily. Apparation does take a great deal of energy these days." He settled himself on the chair and looked up at the young woman standing before him. "Do sit with me, Lily."

Lily pulled up one of the folding chairs remaining in the hall and sat next to her favourite professor. "What brings you here today, Professor? You haven't decided to rescind my Hogwarts diploma, have you?"

For a long moment, Dumbledore didn't say anything at all, and merely looked at the woman sitting at his knee. Her red hair had faded to a richer auburn colour, and her eyes were still bright green. Her face was flushed and dusty with sawdust, but any fool could see how happy she was.

"I often hear things," began Dumbledore, "through my various networks, and though I do not always understand them, there sometimes come one or two tidbits that I have within my power to correct. Today I received a rather interesting bit of news regarding something I mentioned to you once many years ago."

Lily blinked. "Me?"

"You of course remember the day that Petunia was at Hogwarts, my dear?"

Lily nodded, her expression darkening.

"Every last moment of it, Professor. Particularly what we talked of in your office."

"Tell me what you remember," said Dumbledore.

Lily sat back in her chair. "You told me that Petunia has a different fate than mine, that it is tied up with Peter Pettigrew. They share a connection. And after I left, I went to the library and read up on magical connections. They're supposed to be very powerful and beneficial to those who share them. And should they ever break - it can destroy the ones who have shared it." Dumbledore was silent, looking out the window. Lily frowned. "That's right, isn't it, Professor? I remembered it correctly?"

"Yes, Lily, you did," he said with a sigh.

"You heard Petunia has been married," said Lily bitterly.

"I have."

"I tried to keep them together," continued Lily. "But the harder I tried, the more they'd pull away. And then that damned Vernon Dursley had to stick his great fat head into the fray - it's all his fault. If he hadn't turned Pets' head, she would have been married to Peter right now, I'm sure of it."

"Lily - "

"I'm sorry I failed you, Professor," said Lily, a catch in her voice. "I tried - I'm still trying. I can't seem to stop. It's not too late. She could still go to Peter, he misses her so much! I think I remind him of what he can't have. I only want them to be happy."

"Lily," said Dumbledore gently, "why do you think I told you this seven years ago?"

Lily sat up in her chair. "Why, to help keep them together, Professor. Why else would you have told me?"

"I never had any intention that you would try to keep your sister and friend on love's path together, Lily," said Dumbledore, doing his best to be kind. "So you see, there was nothing for you to fail."

"But Professor - everything depends on their staying together," said Lily urgently. "Their lives will be miserable if they're apart - they'll be miserable."

"Is Peter miserable?" asked Dumbledore.

"You can see it in his eyes, Professor!"

"And Petunia - is she miserable?"

Lily shook her head. "She just won't admit to it, Professor. Vernon is a poor substitute for Peter. And of course, I can't say a word against him, I know she'd only rebel and cling all the tighter to him. So I've tried to use other methods - keeping them in touch with each other - "

"Love potions, Lily?" Dumbledore's voice was sharp, and Lily jumped in her seat, looking a bit nervous.

"Well, not quite, sir. They're illegal, I understand."

"They're more than illegal," said the Headmaster. "They border upon Dark Magic, and I am ashamed to learn that you would stoop to such a level, Lily."

"Professor!" said Lily, indignant. "You tasked me with keeping Pets and Peter together!"

"I did no such thing!" Dumbledore was cold and furious, and his hands were trembling on his lap, but Lily didn't stop to notice.

"How else am I to make them listen to their hearts?" she cried "They're both so stubborn, they won't even talk to each other!"

"Listen to yourself, Lily Potter," said Dumbledore sternly. "It is you who are stubborn. No one can force anyone into loving another, not even with magic. The only thing that makes your sister unhappy is your continual assault on her choice of husband. You are not the keeper of Petunia's heart - only Petunia can choose whom to love. And she has chosen Vernon Dursley."

"It's the wrong choice!"

"Leave her be!" said Dumbledore harshly, perhaps a little too harsh. Lily's eyes went wide and she perched at the end of her seat, staring at her professor in amazement. "This was never your burden to bear."

Lily's voice was low. "You were the one to give it to me."

"I'm sorry you believe that, then."

"How could you," said Lily, her voice trembling with anger. "You gave me that information and expected me to do nothing? Did you think I would sit idly by and watch them destroy themselves and not try to save them? You're the one who should be ashamed, Professor, not me. I did what I had to do for my sister and my friend - all I ever wanted was their happiness."

"In order for it to be true happiness, Lily," said Dumbledore, "it is necessary for one to choose for oneself."

"And I tried to let them!" shouted Lily, standing. "And look at the choices they made! How can you say this is better for them, when what they had with each other was a rare and beautiful gift, one not bestowed often on anyone - much less a wizard and a ... a ... Muggle!" Lily stood frozen by the window, trembling. She let out a choked sob, and fell to her knees on the floor, crying. Dumbledore leaned towards her.

"It is better for them, Lily, because it is what they have chosen, of their own free will," he said softly, and placed a hand on her shoulder. Lily shrugged it off, and turned her face away from the old man. He sighed, and rose from the chair.

"You must stop this, Lily," he said. "You must realise that your sister is happy with her lot. Petunia has made the choices that are right for her, and if you continue in trying to destroy her marriage, she may choose to cut you out of her life."

Lily didn't answer, and remained curled up on the floor, shaking. Dumbledore took a moment to look at her, and finally began to leave the room, knowing he could do nothing more for the grieving girl.

"You know where to find me, when you are ready to talk," he said, and was gone. Lily lifted her head as he Apparated away, tears running down her face. She crawled over to the chair she'd Transfigured for him, and curled up on it, pushing her face into the soft velvety folds.

"I didn't fail them, Professor," she whispered to herself. "You failed me."

* * * * *

Remus Lupin sat in the hallway next to the open doorway, a stricken look on his face. First wanting to say hello to his Headmaster, he'd realised that the conversation was one he should not interrupt. When he had heard part of it, he then realised that he could not leave - his coat and house keys were in the room with Dumbledore and Lily. And so he remained outside, hearing every word with growing sorrow and horror in his chest.

Now it was quiet inside the room. Dumbledore had left, and Lily had not appeared. Remus poked his head through the doorway, and saw nothing. He stood and went into the room, eyes on the house keys sitting on the mantle. Just as he reached them and was about to put them in his pocket, he heard the muffled sob coming from the red armchair by the window. Lily.

Remus knew perfectly well he couldn't leave now. Lily - James's wife, the Marauder's substitute mother-sister-nurse, advisor to the love sick, his friend, was hurting, and Remus, in his capacity as the official Marauder Confidante, couldn't leave her without trying to comfort her. He knelt by the chair, where the sobbing Lily lay curled up, knees to her chest, and laid a hand on her arm.

Lily's head rose, and her eyes opened. They were pink from crying. "Oh - Remus! I - you - "

"I heard you crying," he said. "I couldn't go before, or I would have."

Lily bit her lip. "I'm glad you didn't," she said.

"Do you want me to find James?" asked Remus.

"No - no, don't. He's busy, I shouldn't disturb him for something as trivial as this," said Lily, sitting up and wiping her eyes on her sleeve.

"It was Dumbledore, it's hardly trivial - "

"Remus," said Lily, taking his hand. "Tell me - you know him best, of all of us. How is Peter? Does he seem happy to you?"

"I don't think Peter's been happy a day in his life," said Remus with a frown. "The thing with Peter is that he's always looking for something that isn't there."

"Or someone?" said Lily darkly.

"Maybe," said Remus. "But I wasn't talking so much about something physical. I think he's looking for something in himself. Peter's never been the confident one. I think sometimes he's looking for a way to make himself better."

"Petunia."

"Maybe. Maybe not. He talked about her a lot before, when we were young. He hasn't said anything about her for a while." Remus decided not to mention the day that Peter had found the announcement for Petunia's wedding, or how he'd returned from Surrey so shaken and weak that Remus had been certain that he was dying.

"But don't you see?" Lily was saying. "The more he's pushed Pets away, the worse he's become. He was so sure of himself when we were kids - and Pets was always beside him. And look at her! She was so loving and generous, and this Dursley man is turning her into a shrew."

"Is she happy?" asked Remus suddenly. Lily looked startled.

"How can she be happy?" she said. "Peter isn't there. She can never be properly happy without him."

"Perhaps she couldn't be happy with him, either," said Remus. Lily opened her mouth, and Remus held up his hand. "No, hear me out. She's a Muggle, Lily. Sure, Muggles marry wizards, but it's not usually done. Muggles don't have a lot of rights in the wizarding world. They can't go anywhere without one of us, they can't see the buildings unless we're with them. It's very hard to be a Muggle in a wizarding family - that's why you hardly ever see Squibs around. They leave, because it's too hard to be surrounded by people who have abilities you'll never possess. If Petunia did marry Peter, she'd be constantly straddling two different worlds, because she'd never be able to participate fully in the wizarding world, and she'd still need to rely on the Muggle world for everyday things, like transportation, and food, and work. She'd have to keep an entire side of her life a secret from her coworkers and neighbours. It's a great deal to ask of anyone. Perhaps Petunia knew that it would be too much for her, and so she chose to live fully in the Muggle world - and that meant turning away from Peter."

Lily sat quietly, listening to Remus. "She can't be as happy with Vernon as she was with Peter," she whispered. "I've believed for seven years that Petunia and Peter had to stay together, else everything would fall apart. How can I just stop believing that, Remus? Knowing that Pets would always have a place in my life in the wizarding world was the one thing that let me send her home from Hogwarts."

"Lil, Petunia will always have a place in your life," said Remus gently. "She's your sister. Nothing can change that. She'll always be there for you, no matter what choices either of you make."

Lily looked out the window, and very quickly nodded her head. Remus exhaled, relieved that the crises was over. "You're better now?" he asked. "Shall I make us some tea?"

"No, no tea," said Lily softly. "Can we finish the railing tomorrow, Remus? I want to sit and think for a bit."

"Of course," said Remus, and he stood. "About ten tomorrow then?" Lily nodded. "You'll talk to Dumbledore a bit later?"

"Perhaps," said Lily, though she didn't sound keen on the idea. "I don't know that I can forgive him just yet."

Remus patted Lily's shoulder a bit awkwardly. "Well, then," he said. "If you're certain you want to be alone - "

"Yes, thank you, Remus," said Lily, and she was very surprised when Remus leaned over and kissed her cheek, leaving the room very quickly. She smiled. Remus was very rarely physically affectionate towards anyone.

Remus stood in the hall, glowering at the stairway for a moment, resisting the urge to kick the bannister. Dammit, Peter, he thought to himself, Why do you have to be such a bloody button-lipped prick? Remus debated momentarily before Apparating straight to his London flat. If he had thought hard enough, he might have gone to James or Peter instead, and said his piece regarding that afternoon's events, but he knew that was not a good idea.

After all, it wasn't as if it was any of their business anyway.

* * *

Peter nearly didn't hear the banging on the door, as it very closely matched the pounding in his head. He'd fallen into sleep the moment he'd returned from the previous night's meeting, weary and in great amounts of pain.

"Peter Peter, pumpkin eater," chorused the figures in his dreams, except instead of the neighbourhood children of his youth, he saw instead the black-cloaked Death Eaters closing in on him, wands outstretched, backed by a hysterical high pitched laughter. "Peter Peter, pumpkin eater."

"Peter! Peter, are you there?"

Peter struggled to open his eyes. The sunlight streaming in through the window hurt his eyes, and he rolled away from it. He still hurt, all over, and he wasn't sure that the voices he heard were the remnants of his dream or reality.

"Peter Pettigrew! It's me, Lily - I know you're home, please open the door!"

Peter had to fight to get out of the sweat-soaked sheets and onto his feet. He hated waking up after Crucio, it was like waking from a drug-induced coma and having to relearn how to open one's eyes and breathe. It was several more minutes before he was able to reach his wand and open the door to the flat. Lily bounded inside the moment the door was unlocked.

"Oh, Peter - you're ill."

"Just a touch of flu, that's all," said Peter, lowering himself to a chair. "Nothing to worry over."

"Where's your Pepper-Up Potion - do you want some tea?"

"No, I'm fine, Lil, don't fuss," said Peter. "You're worse than my mother. I'll be right as rain tomorrow."

"Silly of you to live alone," scolded Lily, kneeling beside him. She placed her hand on his forehead and frowned. "You've a fever, and you're clammy. March right back to bed, young man, and I'll fix you something."

Peter decided not to argue, and hobbled back to his bed. He could hear Lily clanging around in the kitchen, and the noise hurt his ears. He huddled under the bedclothes and waited. Eventually she rejoined him in his bedroom and set a tray down on the floor.

"Now up with you, and drink this while it's hot. You haven't any get-well potions at all, so you'll have to do with plain old tea."

Peter sat up in his bed and took the mug. "Thanks, Lily," he said, sipping the steaming liquid.

"Thanks for nothing!" said Lily, still quite clearly annoyed with him. "You'd be sick unto death if I hadn't turned up. It's hopeless stuffy in here to boot - I should open a window -"

"No, don't," said Peter. "Just sit. You flittering about makes my head hurt."

Lily remained still. "How long have you been ill?"

"Just this morning," said Peter. "It will pass." He glanced up at her. "What brings you here, anyhow?"

Lily didn't speak for a moment, and twisted her hands. "Peter, are you happy?"

Peter stared at her. "Happy?"

"You know, joy and laughter and big splashy musical numbers?"

Peter shrugged. "I suppose. I never much thought of it before."

"I just ... I want you to be happy, Peter," said Lily, quite earnest. "That's all I ever wanted."

"I know," said Peter, guarded. Something told him there was more coming.

"And I couldn't live with myself if I knew you were unhappy and it was my fault - " Lily's voice caught, and Peter reached for her hand, somehow knowing exactly where Lily was headed.

"No, Lily, never yours," he said quietly. "My own stupid bungling, if anything."

"Not stupid, really," said Lily.

"I went with half of Hogwarts, Lil," said Peter dryly.

"All right, stupid," said Lily, and they both smiled.

"I should have listened to you," said Peter suddenly. "Remember, you said it was a bad idea, running through strings of girls. You were right, Lily. You were spot on."

"Oh, Peter - "

"If I lost her, it was my own ruddy fault," said Peter, now bitter, and he placed the mug on the small bedside table. He took his hand away from the mug, but then began to rock it back and forth, sloshing the liquid inside around in circles. Lily bit her lip.

"There's still time, Peter, it's not too late," she said.

"It is for me, Lil," said Peter, never taking his eyes away from the mug.

"But Peter," continued Lily, "you need her. You've always needed her -"

"No, Lil, that's over now."

"Peter - "

Peter slammed the mug down on the table with a bang, and Lily jumped. "That's enough! I'm strong now, Lily. I don't need Petunia, and she clearly doesn't need me. You aren't to worry about me anymore, Lily - I can take care of myself."

"I can't help it," whispered Lily. Peter glanced over at her, and was shocked to see how frightened she seemed of him. He sighed and held her arms with his hands, careful to be gentle of her.

"We'll make a deal, you and I," he said softly. "You stop nagging me, and I'll be happy. Yes?"

"Yes," said Lily after a moment.

"Good," said Peter. "Now scram, before I infect you with the flu."

"Yessir," said Lily. She leaned over and kissed Peter's forehead, never noticing him flinch as she did so. Just before leaving the room, she turned back.

"Peter - "

"Lily?"

"If you were a girl, I'd have had you stand for me at my wedding."

Peter smiled. "I know, Lil, I know."