A Mate

A Mate

Prologue

It was always the same.

First, the flesh would start to shiver as if the body lacked warmth - shuddering tremors of expectation. A flaming temperature burns the trembling form, and whimpers are drawn from the small body. Heat and pain then blend when the flesh twists, bones crack and muscles contort, as the change starts. Hair sprouts all over, and the face stretches into a snout that snorts in agony and panic. Feral golden eyes flash as desperate howls are wrenched from a place deep inside where only primitive instinct lies.

Then the pain stops as the new shape takes over, stretching and sniffing in the near dark; re-affirming the familiar prison.

Confusion first, then a rage so hot it can almost be seen through those wild gold eyes.

Anger at the cage, anger at the scent of unreachable freedom, and now a new anger - at the loneliness, and at the deep set knowledge that without that freedom, there would never be the one thing that was longed for more than anything else.

A mate.

Chapter 1: An Unexpected Change

Remus stared at himself in the mirror with increasing panic.

What the hell had happened?

He looked into eyes that had merged from brown to amber and touched his long shaggy hair, noting again that there was that golden tint added to his previously plain- looking locks. The most obvious change (and the most annoying) was how much he'd suddenly grown. He was now almost as tall as his best friend Sirius. His limbs and torso had stretched, making him appear lithe and slender. Yet, despite how good his new lean body looked, he could hardly move without tripping over himself, being unused to these different proportions.

He tried to turn around, but proved his earlier observation correct and stumbled. He ended up lying sprawled on the floor, until someone opened his bedroom door - most likely at the loud noise he'd caused.

"Remus, what are you... Oh, Merlin!"

Remus winced at his mother's shock and he looked up at her helplessly from the floor.

"Mum, could you please help me up? I can't seem to move very well at the moment," he asked her quietly.

"Wh-What happened honey?" she asked her son, as she hesitantly helped him to his bed. "You look, different..."

"I just woke up like it," Remus said miserably.

Liana Lupin's calm demeanour disappeared, and she slowly put her face into her hands as she sat next to Remus.

"I think I'd better call your father," his mother said, that horrible hint of almost ancient sadness in her voice.

How he despised that tone. It was only used when they talked of his... condition.

"Jon, I think you should come up here," Remus' mum called his father.

Remus crawled to the top of the bed and curled up, wrapping his long arms around himself. He wondered why it had to be now that something weird was happening to him. Everything was just starting to go so well. His friends were nearly finished becoming Animagi, and soon they'd be able to join him in his lonely transformations. Remus felt so grateful he had such good friends. Their loyalty and support when they'd found out what he was had shocked him, as he had been sure that he would be shunned.

The Marauders were now like his brothers, and over the four years he'd been at Hogwarts, he had never been happier. The young werewolf almost hadn't wanted to go back for the Christmas break to his parents, but seeing as it was his sixteenth birthday as well as Christmas, he thought they'd be disappointed if he hadn't gone home. He did miss Sirius, James and Peter but he'd had a really nice Christmas and birthday, being owled his presents and cards from his friends, whom were all home as well.

And now this.

He had just turned sixteen years old, and now it seemed that puberty had finally decided to pounce on him. He wasn't exactly unhappy that he'd finally changed from the eleven-year-old body he'd been stuck in for the past five years, but this strange jump confused and worried him.

"What's the matter Liana?" his dad asked, coming into his bedroom.

"It's happened, Jon." She gestured to Remus and his father sighed when he saw him, not seeming to be very surprised at Remus' sudden change.

"You knew this would happen?" Remus asked his parents anxiously.

Remus had thought his parents respected him enough to not keep things from him any more; to not treat him like a child. They remarked often enough he was sometimes too mature. He'd heard them with his sensitive ears in the nights he spent at home discuss his oddly adult attitude with something close to unease. So why did they believe he wouldn't be able to deal with this situation?

Unless...

"The Registry Office directed us to a help group when we told them you weren't growing like a normal child. They said it was rare for children under the age of sixteen to be bitten, but the ones who were..." His mother trailed off and tears appeared in her eyes.

Remus became increasingly anxious as he watched his father's face contort with sadness and gently wrap a comforting arm around his mother, comforting her as Remus couldn't - through touch. Remus didn't like to be touched; he found it uncomfortable and intrusive. He'd overheard a Ministry official informing his parents when he was younger, that werewolves were sensitive to scent, and so his instincts would be to stay away from humans, as their scent was one that was particularly overwhelming. If a human touched a werewolf often, then their scent would become intertwined with the werewolf's scent, and if marred with that human scent then the werewolf would be allowing a kind of 'claim'. This was something, the official had said quietly, that they didn't find acceptable. His parents therefore avoided contact with him, although Remus sometimes felt it was more to do with fear of the wolf than to entertain any preference of his.

"So, what's happening to me?" Remus asked his parents slowly, trying to keep calm.

"Well, we don't know the details, they wouldn't really explain much the last time we contacted them. Seeing as we are going to the Registry Office tomorrow for you to be registered, we may as well ask what it is that's going on."

"So this is all because I'm a werewolf?" Remus asked them, ignoring his parents' winces at the word. "What did the Registry Office say before?"

"Well, like your father said we don't-"

"Liana, we may as well stop babying him. As we can all see he definitely isn't a child any longer," Remus' father said gruffly. "Remus, what we were told before may not be true now, but they said that children bitten before maturing had a very short life span. Six months after they hit puberty, when they suddenly change from child to adult, the person concerned slowly goes insane and usually dies soon after."

"Oh... oh," Remus said blankly.

*

Remus kept close to his parents as they walked into the Werewolf Registry Office. It was the wolf's instinct to stay with familiar people in times when it felt threatened, and at that moment, Remus felt almost vulnerable enough to grab his mother's hand, damning her fearful reaction and his own discomfort.

He glanced around at the shabby office with its few, yet just as shabby people. The only others in the room, aside from Remus and his parents, were two rather ill- looking men and a cheery old woman who was dressed in a bright rainbow- coloured robe. One man sat in the corner of the office and kept coughing loudly, his coat collar pulled up to hide everything except his dark, shifty eyes. The other man was wearing a tattered Muggle suit and he sat with his head hanging down, looking completely miserable.

Remus gloomily reflected that at least, he wouldn't live long enough to look like these older unhappy werewolves. He shook the dark thoughts from his mind as they approached the desk where the strangely colorful witch sat, beaming at them as they stood before her.

"How may I help you?" Her lined face crinkled up even more as she smiled widely.

"We're, ah, well, our son, he's here to be registered," Remus' father said, looking a little ill at ease.

"Oh right, let me see - were you just bitten then, young man?" the woman asked, putting on her spectacles as she pulled out a large file.

"No m'am, I was bitten eleven years ago," Remus answered quietly.

"Oh, I see."

Remus fidgeted nervously under the woman's piteous stare.

"You would be... Mr. Lupin, correct?" she asked as she looked at a particular page in her files.

"Yes."

"You'd better come with me dear, we've been expecting you. I'm sure your parents wouldn't mind staying here?"

Remus' parents agreed quickly, taking the other's hand as they sat down together.

"Now, if you'll just follow me, Mr. Lupin." The woman smiled, as she bustled over to the door and opened it for him.

Remus hesitated, if he went with her he'd be separated from the comfort of his parents. Yet he knew he needed to continue if he was to learn how (or even if) he was going to survive past the next six months. He straightened his back and scolded himself - what kind of Gryffindor was he? If this had been Sirius or James (perhaps not Peter) they wouldn't even hesitate.

He quickly walked after the older woman who was already walking out of the office. The woman led him down a number of corridors that were full of harassed-looking wizards and witches, none of them glanced at the nervous boy and his merry guide. When the woman finally ushered him into a small, dimly-lit room he grew anxious. He recognised the scents of many werewolves and a faded trace of fear.

"If you'll just sit down he'll be with you in a minute."

Remus had no idea who 'he' was and would have asked, had the witch not disappeared when he looked back at the door. He sighed and resigned himself to his fate, something he'd gotten rather good at over the years. Remus sat on the slightly unstable wooden chair opposite a second one on the other side of an ancient-looking desk. He then turned his eyes to the doorway and waited apprehensively.

He didn't have to wait long as, in the next moment the door opened with a bang and a figure strode in purposefully. Then, just as quickly as the door had opened, the man tripped over and the papers in his hands flew about the room.

"Oh, damn it!"

Remus looked at the cursing grey head as the man picked up the papers furiously.

"Are you, um, all right, sir?" he asked hesitantly.

The man looked up at him, annoyed.

"Well don't just look boy - help me for Merlin's sake!"

Remus jumped up from the chair at the oddly-commanding voice and collected the papers. He held them out to the other man who took them all with a sigh.

"Thank you. Right, my name's Ulric Charms, and you're Remus Lupin?" the man asked, throwing him a calculating glance.

"Yes." The young boy nodded, a little uncomfortable with the way the man was scrutinising him.

"Well, I've been sent here to make sure you get all the relevant information and - what?" Ulric stopped at the boy's odd look. "I'm not an excessively friendly woman trying to make a difference? No, I'm not one of their recruited Miss. Charities, obviously. I was specifically asked to see you, I don't do this for everyone y'know," the man said grimly.

"Why?" Remus frowned.

"I'd have thought it was obvious by now boy - I'm a werewolf, and as I was in the same predicament as yourself, they thought it would all be better coming from me. Though, if you ask me they just don't like to be reminded of this side of our wonderful curse."

Remus wasn't surprised at the man's revelation, as he had sensed something familiar. The wolf recognised the other man, as it had also sensed the other two men in the Registry Office as fellow werewolves. Yet this 'special treatment' was disturbing him. To the extent of his knowledge, when a person was bitten and they were over sixteen years (or turned sixteen years and were already werewolves) they had to register as a werewolf at the ministry. Remus had been informed that he'd just need to fill in a couple of forms and perhaps have a brief talk with some help group woman from the Support Services, but this...

"What makes me so different?" Remus asked warily.

"Right to the point then!" the older werewolf said with a grin. "You remember your last transformation? It was a week ago."

Remus nodded.

"Can you recall anything about it that was different?"

"No, not really, it was more or less-"

"Just stop for a moment and think, to remember what the wolf did on the transformation nights is sometimes hard. All you need to do is clear your mind and let the wolf in, and yes, I know you've been taught not to do that but you must, it's important," Charms said sternly as Remus was about to object.

The boy studied the man suspiciously, wondering if he really ought to let the wolf through. He wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do, to Remus Lupin even just a little loss of control was a most terrible thing. Charms looked at him intently, and when Remus finally acquiesced with a nod, the boy thought a look of relief crossed the older man's face.

Remus took a deep breath and let down some of the strongest walls that he had built to keep the wolf's wild lusts away form his consciousness. The wolf was there, ready, and Remus gasped at the horrifying emotions that attacked him. The last full moon came back to Remus and he was flooded once again with the wolf's pure pain. All he could feel was loss and rage. A piercing scream of loneliness ripped through his entire being, leaving him feeling numb and lost.

"Ah, so you do remember it then?" Ulric asked when he saw the subtle shift of Remus' emotions.

The boy nodded, unable to speak as he struggled to hold back the wolf's intense feelings, and tried to stop the tears that pricked at his eyes. Remus now understood why the wolf had ripped him up so badly that night.

"You're lucky you have me to prompt you to remember it. It took months of hell before the wolf's message got through to me - I was eighteen years old at the time. You seem to have experienced the change early, younger than most anyway," Charms said critically.

"So what - what does this mean? How is the wolf's loneliness linked to my death?" Remus asked a little strained as he was still struggling with his emotions, trying not to break down in front of this man. That would have been seen as weak, and wolves did not appreciate weaknesses. If he gave into his emotions the other man wouldn't have been very sympathetic.

"Unfortunately it has everything to do with your eventual death. I suppose your parents told you about that?"

Remus nodded and the man rolled his eyes.

"Ah yes, and wouldn't they all just be happier if each and every one of us did die?" the other werewolf said, suddenly bitter.

"My parents love me, they wouldn't-"

"Your parents are human Remus, you are not," Charms said harshly, then softened at the boy's stricken look.

"I'm sorry, but let's not pretend in this room. We know what we are, and it's a rare soul who can look at us and accept this, and it's exactly that rareness of acceptance that you must find," the man said gently. "I'm sorry Remus, but yes you do only have six months to live. The reason for this is because when the wolf matures so suddenly, it becomes an adult. As an adult the wolf is concerned with mostly one thing - finding a mate. If you don't find a mate within the six-month period, the wolf's pain of isolation will drive both itself and you insane and you will very likely die. Most werewolves just give up, not having the will to go on, others eventually kill themselves in the transformation."

"So... I need to fall in love?" Remus asked hesitantly.

"Not only fall in love, the person has to reciprocate your feelings. After you, ah, consummate the relationship, you will be mated for life. Then you and your partner will be joined through a link that will never be broken for the rest of your lives."

"This has all got to happen in six months, or else I'll die?" Remus asked again, trying to take it all in.

"Oh yes. Don't worry, it's not as impossible as it seems, so don't look so gloomy. As I said, I was in this exact position before, only then the Ministry nor anyone else knew why some werewolves past eighteen and a half years died, they thought it was natural - natural! They didn't even bother to find out the reason. So after I'd been told to expect death in six months, I tried so hard to find some way to stop it. I researched everything anyone had ever written on werewolves until one day I found the answer, and it didn't come from those books but from myself.

I had read until late into the night and had fallen asleep, exhausted. Then I woke from a terrible nightmare. It seemed the wolf had finally broken through to my dreams, being able to do so because of the tired state I was in, and I finally felt its pain. Now, I rationalised that this may have been the very reason why I was going to die. And so, for the first time in my life, I went against what everyone said since I was bitten at nine years old, and listened to the wolf.

A few months later, I found my mate - she was perfect and she accepted me for who I was and agreed to be my partner. I told her about the possibility of my death, but she loved me enough to stay with me. Well, you can imagine my surprise when I didn't drop dead! The wolf was content, so there was no dark ending for me. Since then, I've tried to help as many young werewolves as possible."

Remus frowned as he thought about Ulric's story and worry gnawed at him.

"But I - I've never really thought about girls. I've never felt anything for anyone so how can I-"

"Remus, there is no need to worry. It's natural for werewolves not to mature sexually until after the change. I'm sure you'll soon find that you'll begin to have a lot more adult tendencies." The man smiled.

Remus didn't really like the sound of that but sighed, supposing he'd just have to accept it.

"So that's it, is it? The next six months of my life should be spent looking for a mate?" Remus asked unhappily.

"Don't force it. It won't help if you do that, and you may end up bonding yourself to someone you don't really love. You need to be absolutely certain Remus, as after all, it will be for the rest of your life."

Remus sighed again and nodded.

"Now if you'll just fill these out, you can go, something that I'm sure you want to do. This place has a bad smell to it." Ulric shuddered.

Remus filled out the forms, and after the man left wishing him good luck, he walked blankly back to his parents.

"How did it go Remus?" his mother asked nervously as he stepped into the office.

*

His parents had taken the news fairly well, Remus reflected glumly. They seemed to have faith in his love life, he on the other hand thought otherwise.

Remus looked around at the crowded station and wondered where his friends were. The Hogwarts Express was waiting, and he wished they'd get here soon so he could get inside and away from the masses of students that made him feel so uneasy.

Remus stumbled back suddenly as a dark figure came to a halt in front of him.

"Well, well. And who are you?"

Remus suppressed a moan of frustration when he saw that the person in front of him was Evan Rosier, a Slytherin in the same year as himself and one who regularly got into fights with the Marauders. In the first year Rosier had been especially cruel towards him while they were partnered in potions; Remus never had got over that simmering dislike of the smug prat. A few Slytherins had accompanied him and now formed a small semi-circle around Remus and his luggage, completely blocking his way.

"Are you an exchange student then?" Rosier asked, his cold gaze sweeping up and down Remus' figure with barely disguised hunger.

Remus looked at him in open-mouthed shock - didn't he recognise him?

"Well, whoever you are, you are very welcome to join my fellow Slytherins and I on the train. I'm sure we could all have some fun with that sexy little arse of yours," Rosier whispered seductively in his ear.

Remus gasped and took a step back, his face flushing brightly. Evan Rosier was coming on to him? He'd never felt so horrified in his life as he did right then.

"Hey Rosier, I've got a better idea - why don't you sod off and leave him alone?" A familiar voice rang out angrily, and Remus smiled as he recognised Sirius striding purposefully towards them.

"Stay out of this, Black. Why don't you go and find your own little fuck buddy, Potter, instead of bothering me with mine?" Rosier sneered as Sirius glanced from Remus to Rosier. Sirius' gaze stopped on Remus for a while before he shook himself and went back to arguing with Rosier.

"He's not my 'fuck buddy', and I'm sure this boy doesn't want to be yours," Sirius growled angrily.

'This boy'? Remus looked at Sirius in astonishment when he realised his friend must not have recognised him as well. Had he really changed so drastically?

Sirius noticed Remus' shocked glance and suddenly looked uncertain.

"Unless you do...?" Sirius said hesitantly, frowning a little.

Remus blushed as he remembered what Sirius and Rosier had been arguing about and shook his head, looking everywhere except at the two boys.

"Well, there you have it, now shove off Rosier!" the dark haired boy shouted cheerfully.

"You don't know what you're missing," Rosier snarled at Remus as he stalked off, the Slytherins trailing after him as soon as they'd made certain to glare at them both threateningly enough.

Sirius laughed loudly at that and watched them go with a wild grin, and Remus rolled his eyes.

"Always have to get involved don't you, Sirius?" Remus asked, amused at his friend.

Sirius turned around in shock at the familiar voice.

"Bloody hell, REMUS?"

*