Getting Harry Back

Chapter 19
Only Severus

Quantus tremor est futurus, O, what trembling there shall be,
Quando judex est venturus.... When the Judge is about to arrive.(1)
Dies Irae, Sequence
probably Thomas of Celano (d. 1256)
from Requiem Mass

Crack!

Another too-close Apparating jolted everyone, again, into drawing wands. Everyone, that is, except Dumbledore: "Arthur, Molly, all of you, please. It's only Severus."

It took all of Harry's remaining, very tired mental horsepower to bend his mind around that ungraspable idea, 'only Severus'. He was brought back by the sounds, once more, of insistent door-knocking, mumbled voices, and determined stair-climbing.

"Snape?" Harry thought. "Coming to see me?" Exhausted from his struggles, Harry felt his insides begin to collapse, to sink in on themselves. "Oh damn," he thought, "Oh bloody, bloody damn!"

Like a winter gale off the North Sea, Harry felt dark, bone-chilling rage whip down on him as Snape got closer. Memories and feelings smashed into his mind and chest -- Snape's bullying, Snape's hate, starting from their first eye contact in the Great Hall, from that first Potions class, and going right through Occlumency lessons and Harry's wrongful look into the Pensieve. Fear spiked, his heart pounded, and Harry had trouble breathing as the storm came on, pressing, pressing.

Harry reached out inside, clutching for Ron&Harry. Ron felt Harry's clutching, and held it. Then he firmed his jaw and faced the door, his shoulders squarely set.

Neville lined up next to Ron with a look Harry had never seen on Neville, much less at Snape's approach. With a shock, Harry realized that Neville felt Harry's feelings, too. "Like Ron, he's going to protect me and... he's not afraid of Snape!" Harry could feel no fear at all in Neville, only grim and total determination. And with feeling that magic, that extraordinary magic -- Neville's "no fear at all" -- Harry felt his sinking slow, then stop, as he felt buffered from the worst of Snape's approach.

Harry felt hands on his shoulder and arm. He looked over and saw both Remus and Mum smiling at him reassuringly. Hermione was there, too, her wand out and with no smile. Harry could feel from her and see in her eyes that if Snape made any move to bully him, any move at all, Hermione would make him stop. And pay.

With the soft rush of feathers, Hedwig flew from the headboard to Harry's pillow. She side-moved over until her wing was touching his head. Harry didn't know what Hedwig could do, but he knew that, if needed, she would do something. And her wing-touch brought magic, like Harry's earlier Dumbledore beard-touch, though a very different magic.

Grateful but still weak, Harry moved further into Ron&Harry. Which brought terror. Harry felt Ron just as exhausted as he was. Ron's drain from fighting the snake had been scarcely less than his, and Ron's own terror about Harry, his trying to protect Harry had, if anything, been worse. With a gasp, Harry felt Ron again merge with all that strange magic, as he felt Ron preparing to use it.

Frantic, Harry mind-pleaded, [Hey, Ron, please, I'll be okay...]

Harry was stopped by the wall of Ron's silence. He could feel Ron only getting more determined, more protective, and more stretched thin and ready-to-snap. Beneath all that, Harry felt Ron's greatest terror: if Snape weakened Harry, Harry would fall prey to the Dementor–snake. So Ron was abundantly prepared to use that vast magic and its savage power.

[Ron?] Harry asked timidly. [You okay? You want to--]

[Stuff it, Harry.] Harry knew that Ron wasn't listening, and that he wasn't going to listen. Even more, Ron's focus was no longer Harry, but Snape. Snape was the danger, the all-too-real danger. [If that bastard so much as--]

Ron stopped as Dad opened the door. Snape's face came into view, gaunt and furious. Harry felt Ron jerk into ready-to-attack.

"Molly, Arthur." Snape short-bowed and scowled. "You must make allowances for my rudeness in Apparating so nearby. And, I fear, for my mood."

Dad smiled. "Not at all, Severus, not at all. You're most welcome. We were expecting you." He smiled even more broadly.

Harry had never seen Snape so taken aback. This made Harry feel better -- not good, not safe, just better. With that, he felt Ron ease. Fractionally.

Snape, however, was excellent at recovery. "Yes. Perhaps we can discuss that later. First...." Snape closed his eyes and Harry could feel him swallowing a large dollop of pure bile and of his jealously-guarded pride and dignity. "I would like to see--" Snape stopped again and swallowed more bile and pride; Harry was sure he'd squashed an insult. Snape restarted, "Your newest son. If I may."

Dad chuckled; Snape bristled. "Of course, Severus. Please." Dad stepped out of the way, and gestured the man to Harry's bedside.

As if through a HandBond, Harry felt Snape's fury. He winced, and with that wincing, he felt the Dementor-snake stir and test, a stirring and testing that he knew was also felt by his protectors. As expected, Harry felt Ron's, Neville's and Hermione's fury explode. They knew, and this Gryffindor quartet had known for years what Snape had done and what he was capable of doing – how unpredictably and devastatingly vicious their contact had been. And now they knew what Snape's viciousness could let loose in Harry. It could, literally, destroy his soul.

Harry knew that the adults who felt in him, who felt his feelings -- Dumbledore, Mum, Dad, Remus, even Hagrid -- were comforting and reassuring, but... "Patronizing," he thought. "They aren't taking this seriously. They can't feel Ron; they have no idea how serious this is, and how quickly this could go...." Harry shuddered.

Snape nodded to Arthur with stiff formality. Then he drew himself up to his full, near-raging height and moved.

Ron moved, too, Neville right beside him, both blocking Snape's path. Snape stopped and arched an eyebrow. Harry saw, in the dresser mirror, Ron's face: a stone mask with screaming eyes. And Neville's eyes – they almost glowed.

"Sir." Ron's voice was low and cold and carefully slow. "If you do anything to hurt Harry, anything, I'll punch in your sodding--"

The room gasped. "Ron!" Mum cried. A tense, unbelieving stillness blanketed everyone.

Into that stillness, Neville quietly said, "And I'll help."

Harry saw, just within his sight, Hermione's firm nod of agreement. He knew all of them meant it. He also knew how much backed up their meaning it, and how close they were to backing it up.

Nobody moved. Harry could see his brother's eyes still screaming, Neville's eyes glowing even brighter, and Snape's eyes narrowed. Harry felt the room flooding with rage. He felt his own fear and pain surge, and he felt, again, the Dementor-snake stir and test even harder. He closed his eyes, bracing himself against those feelings and trying to strengthen that wound barrier.

"Weasley, Longbottom." Snape used his most superior voice, a voice that Harry knew well and that brought him another wince. "I have two points to make, and then, perhaps, we can defer this discussion until later. First, I have been threatened repeatedly by the Dark Lord. You would menace me?"

Feeling all the emotions and the barely-restrained magics, Harry began to tremble, and he felt the snake begin prowling. This sent Ron, Hermione and Neville into even more fury.

As she had when Harry awoke from that beating, Hermione reached over to hold his hand. "It's all right, Harry," she mumbled. "We'll stop him."

Harry felt Mum's and Remus's shock, their confusion, and he heard their sharp inbreaths. Ron and Neville didn't move. Ron's eyes still screamed; Neville's were now ablaze. Just as the room, to Harry, began to waver, just as the snake began close-probing that wound barrier, he felt Snape emotionally back off. Harry eased, the room and barrier stabilized, and he felt his protectors ease.

Snape's face left threatening and became merely arrogant and calculating. "Weasley, Longbottom," he said, "there may be more to you than I had thought. Though my opinion has been so low that, I suppose, upward adjustment was inevitable. But still. You, as well as I, may be moved by the same forces, so perhaps this is, if not excusable, then... shall I saw almost comprehensible. Or at least less reprehensible. That leads to my second point."

Harry saw and felt Snape's body tighten. "I am not here to hurt," he continued more tensely, "or even to upset your precious Potter, though Merlin knows, he has upset me. I am here because I must be here. Not, I assure you, out of any overwhelming fondness. I am here --" Snape's voice took on hints of shrill and began to crescendo. "--because in spite of my knowing better, I find that I must assure myself that he is, indeed, safe!" Snape spat out that last word in a wave of loathing himself and Harry.

Helplessly awash in Snape's feelings, Harry's sight dimmed and his breathing became agitated. Again, the snake roused itself, even stronger. Harry felt Ron near-attack. One more push, or even nudge....

Then, to Harry's surprise and relief, Snape took a moment to calm himself, though he didn't feel calm, just less embroiled. Even so, this gave Harry a reprieve and, with that reprieve, Harry checked the wound barrier that caged in the snake. The wall was clearly unweakened by Snape's presence. In fact... "The wall seems stronger because he's here," Harry realized. "Even though he's really angry, and that stirs up the snake...." He mind-frowned. "There's a more powerful magic that I'm getting from Snape, a different kind of magic."

[Ron? Hey?] Harry mind-spoke, [Snape's actually helping me, he's not--]

[Forget it, Harry.] Ron's mind was as cold and furious as his eyes. [We can all feel what he's doing to that snake.]

[But Ron--]

Harry stopped himself. Again, he could feel that Ron wasn't listening and that he wasn't going to listen. He could feel, too, how close all three of his friends, especially Ron, were to attacking Snape. Harry willed himself calm, and he felt, in response, all three ease, though only a bit and losing none of their readiness. So while they weren't listening, they did respond to his feelings and the snake's. "At least that's something," he thought. Desperately, Harry fought to control his feelings, fought with every reserve – mental and magical – he could summon.

Snape was more in control of himself. All traces of shrill were gone and he was almost back to his normal contemptuousness. "So then, if I may. I assure you that I shall neither hurt Potter nor shall I linger to indulge in pleasantries. You may, indeed, have him back promptly, in one piece and in good condition."

Ron paused, giving Snape one final eye-scream, then stepped aside and moved closer to Harry, putting his hand on Harry's shoulder. At the same time, Ron absolutely bound himself into Ron&Harry, never taking his eyes off Snape.

"Thank you, Weasley," Snape said. "How most kind and welcoming of you."

This left Neville, who was looking away as if listening to a private voice. That attended to, he looked back at Snape, and two jewel-bright green flames appeared, perhaps a foot away and at eye level. Again, the room gasped. Harry even heard Dumbledore chuckle, and he realized, once more, how oblivious the adults were to what was happening. But while Harry was frightened, especially for Ron, he was also grateful to his friends, because they really understood. And he felt despair of the adults. "They don't know. Why don't they know?" Harry realized he had to do something, though he didn't know what, he had to do something, no matter how he felt, because if he didn't....

With that, with Harry's firm responsibility to his friends and his family, Harry finally clawed his way back to sixteen years old and beyond. He was still weak and exhausted, still mentally and emotionally buffeted by Snape. But his focus had changed. "I have to protect them." Because he knew what was at stake; he knew more and better than anyone. Especially with Ron and that strange, awesome magic....

Unhurried, Snape turned to look at each flame, then he looked back at Neville, almost expressionless and without saying a word.

"Remember," Neville said. Then he stepped aside, joining Ron close to Harry, his hand on Harry's arm.

Snape's eyes narrowed. "Yes, Longbottom, I shall. Thank you so very much for your thoughtful reminders."

Snape moved to the foot of Harry's bed, conceding the headboard to Harry's Gryffindor guardians. The green flames accompanied him, staying a foot away and at eye level. For several moments, Harry and Snape just looked at each other. The room was silent, motionless.

Without thinking and unable to stop, Harry found himself drawn more deeply into Snape's feelings, and he felt Snape drawn into his. To his amazement, Harry felt Snape's concern. Yes, it was well-surrounded by anger and loathing – loathing himself as much as Harry. But his concern, too, was there and genuine. Harry tried to concentrate on this, though it was hard. He hoped that maybe, just maybe he could build something from that concern. And he had to if he was going to stop.... Harry forced his attention back to the man standing in front of him.

"Sir," Harry said.

"Potter."

"Er.... Actually, sir, my name is now... Potter-Weasley?"

Snape nodded. "Ah, yes, of course." He glanced over at Harry's mum and then forced out, "Mr. Potter-Weasley." Snape looked as if he had just been poisoned.

"Thank you, sir." Harry appreciated the concession, however small and even though he was well-aware that it was not made for his benefit.

Barely-civil greetings over, Harry swallowed. Under the best circumstances, close contact with Snape unsettled him. Now weakened from his struggles, and feeling Snape's own emotions so deep and immediate and raw, Harry felt more vulnerable than ever, and he felt another wave of fear.

He also felt Ron, Neville and Hermione feeling his fear, moving closer to him, inside and out, and moving closer to attacking. He felt the adults' incomprehension, whether confused, as Remus and Mum, or bemused as the Headmaster and Dad. Harry knew he, first, had to rein in his friends. He took a deep breath, partially mastering his fear, and then mind-said to Ron,

[S'all right, mate.]

[Like bloody hell, it's all right! You know damn well I can feel how that sodding--]

[Ron, please. Let me try? Please?]

Harry felt Ron's struggle, wanting to protect Harry, yet also wanting to respect him. Finally, Ron sighed.

[Oh... fine. But if he so much as--]

[I know Ron. I know. And... thanks?]

Ron gave a curt [nod].

Harry then reached over to grab Neville's arm and to gently squeeze it. Surprised, Neville turned away from Snape to see Harry smiling at him. Neville narrowed his eyes.

"S'all right, Neville. Really."

Mistrustful, Neville looked carefully at Harry. Harry felt him relax some before turning back to Snape. Harry saw the green flames diminish in size and intensity.

Then he turned to Hermione, who, he hoped, was more in control. He smiled and received a look of enormous suspicion. But Harry felt her, too, back away from the precipice.

Harry now turned his attention to Snape, whom Harry felt struggling -- struggling to master both his loathing and his concern, struggling to return to his normal haughty distance. And failing extravagantly.

"Sir?" Harry said.

"Yes... Mr. Potter-Weasley?" came back a tense but at least not furious reply. Snape's "mister" seemed a bit less poisonous.

"Er... thanks for coming. For coming to help me."

In the stunned silence, Harry could feel Snape ease, too. Harry realized that Snape had been worried -- no, Snape had been horrified that Harry could use his concern against him. That concern was so immediate, so strong, that he actually felt vulnerable to Harry.

"Snape feels scared of me?" he thought. Harry could feel Ron's [amazement], too. With that, Harry felt Ron ease -- more from being gobsmacked than from deciding to back off. This seemed to affect Neville, whom Harry felt more relaxed as well. Harry noticed that the two flames diminished, again, in size and intensity.

"You are welcome, Mr. Potter-Weasley," came Snape's less-tense reply. Now there was only the slightest hesitation before the "mister".

With all that backing off – Snape's and his friends' -- Harry felt relief and, without thinking, he gave a kind of wan smile, not so much to Snape as to himself.

At Harry's smile, though, Snape bristled, a knee-jerk response. Harry saw and felt that bristle. So did Ron, Neville and Hermione. Ron immediately shot back into ready-to-attack. Harry noticed that the green flames went back to their original intensity and size.

[Ron. I really think it's okay. Let me? Please?]

Ron [grumbled], but backed off. The other two, sensing Ron's easing, backed off as well, as if in some way they could sense, perhaps feel through Harry, Ron's response, and were guided by it. Harry oriented himself to Ron, who was not only the most fragile, but who was by far the most lethal.

Harry now realized that Snape was checking Harry's feelings – not as a Legilimens – it was much different than in Occlumency training when Harry had felt Snape as an intrusion, even as an assault. Harry realized he and Snape could feel each other's feelings much as he and Remus could, or he and Neville. And as Snape felt no malice, manipulation or oneupmanship in Harry's smile, Harry felt from Snape....

"Gratitude?" he thought with surprise.

Harry felt Snape's bristle ease; he even felt some relief. With Snape's relief and gratitude, Harry found himself helplessly drawn even further and deeper into Snape, as if though a BondRope. With shock and horror, Harry felt himself trying to bond with Snape. He felt himself reaching out, no, hungering, even grasping for....

"Snape's love?"

With that, Harry's mind and emotions -- so alert and intense -- suddenly unplugged, and for a suspended moment, Harry just felt Snape and himself and his reaching for Snape's love.

Snape exploded with terror, then rage, then hate! Harry's wound and scar, indeed, his whole body erupted with searing pain. He whimpered and doubled up, nearly passing out.

Ron lunged, and a fraction of a second later, Neville lunged. Then the room lunged at the boys, while, over the shouts, came Dumbledore's blocking spell: "Impedimenta!" Neville stopped and fell, as if hitting an invisible wall, disappearing under Fred, George and Ginny.

Ron went through Dumbledore's barrier, unslowed and onto Snape, taking both of them to the floor, Ron on top. Hagrid, Dad, Bill and Charlie leapt at Ron and crash-stopped a bare meter off -- blocked by that wall. Dumbledore cried, "Finite incantatem!" as Remus and a furious Mum rounded the bed, Remus pausing and Mum leaping over her family only to find herself slamming into another powerful invisibility.

Neville's flames sped toward Snape's head, but were stopped by a flick of Dumbledore's wand. Now like small bonfires, they began burning their way forward, desperate to get at Snape.

"Moliate!" Dumbledore's cushioning charm, directed at the floor, was followed by another wandflick. Globes of water encircled Neville's flames, which halted and blazed furiously. Screaming like a wild animal, Neville shook off all those holding him. He was up, then collapsed, buried again under the three, now plus Percy. Dobby jumped onto the bed, standing between Harry and the fight, his finger pointing at anyone and anything threatening to land on Harry.

With skull-crushing fury, Ron slammed Snape's head into the soft-charmed floor. Harry wrestled with the pain, desperate to reach his magic and to stop Ron, to save him.

"Petrificus totalus!" cried Dumbledore. But his charm exploded into sparks against the invisible barrier around Ron, which seemed to be gaining strength. Arthur, Bill, Charlie and Molly disentangled themselves and sent hexes against that barrier. Their hexes, too, exploded into multi-colored sparks. Harry realized that this barrier wasn't Dumbledore's but... "It's coming from that magic in Ron."

Unaware, Ron continued to bash Snape's head. Part of Dumbledore's Petrificus had gotten through, and Ron was forced into slow motion. Seeing this, Dumbledore sent out a blindingly fast series of charms, all of them exploding against that barrier, none of them having any impact.

With breath-taking agility, Hagrid launched himself against that Ron-barrier. Brute magic ground against brute magic, but Hagrid was held. Out of Dumbledore's wand came two enormous ropes. They, too, were stopped at the invisible wall and reduced to ashes.

Dazed and seeing it all as in a dream, Harry tried to fight his way back through the searing pain. He felt Ron's mind, his spirit and magic crushed into near-nothingness by the intensity of that awesome power. He watched Ron, in slow-motion, trying to smash Snape's head on the softened floor, again and again and again.

Charlie and Dad now joined Hagrid, struggling together to force Ron's barrier. It didn't throw them but it absolutely held them. Many and massive spells flew against the wall from all over the room, including a steady stream from Hermione, who realized that Harry was safe and who now saw the true danger, the danger to her Ron.

Fred, George, Ginny and Percy screamed and rolled off Neville, their bodies smoking. Neville stood and charged. Out of Dumbledore's wand came hands that held him, though the hands, too, began smoking.

Hagrid backed off, then rammed Ron's barrier, once, twice, three times. The whole room, the Burrow itself shook. Charlie and Dad kept pushing, straining. The room glowed from the spells cast and from their sparks as they disintegrated.

Still in pain, Harry got an idea. He forced his concentration into his voice. "Dobby!" he cried. "Break through that wall around Ron!"

"But Harry Potter, Sir--"

"That wall!" Exhausted, Harry fell back, now defenseless against the pain. But he saw Dobby close his eyes, and he felt.... "Dobby's calling magics to him! Oh, please, please--"

A blazing purple light exploded out of Dobby's finger. After a blinding flash, a shadow-crack appeared in mid-air. Hagrid rammed the shadow-crack, and the barrier blasted into red sparks, leaving burns and small fires all over the room. While Dobby leaped extravagantly, blocking all sparks headed toward Harry, Dumbledore and Hermione cast healing and fire-quenching spells. Harry began wrestling again with pain, wrestling his way back to his magic, back to save Ron.

Hagrid rushed in and pulled Ron away, prying a space between Ron and Snape, into which Ginny, Mum, Dad and Charlie threw themselves, Hermione quickly joining them.

Ron stared at Ginny, then at Hermione, and he stopped, eyes wide, giving Hagrid just enough magical leeway to pull him even further back. Mum, Dad, and Charlie rearranged themselves, giving the center to Ginny and Hermione, who kept their eyes fixed on Ron's. Neville's struggles slowed, too. And those green flames diminished.

With Ron backed off, Harry felt, still at a distance, Snape's shock release. But with that release, even more fury and hate erupted.

Harry gasped, again doubling up with Cruciatus-like pain.

Feeling Harry's pain and Snape's hate, Ron blazed with rage. While Ron couldn't break Hagrid's grip, Snape found himself pinned to the floor, immobilized. Neville's flames roared, broke through the globes, and descended on the helpless man. Dumbledore's "Impedimenta!" halted them, and they blazed so bright that everything was bathed in green.

"Get him out of here!" Ron screamed.

The room crackled with that strange magic.

"He hates Harry!" he roared. "He's trying to kill him!"

Neville exploded out of the hands. Only Bill, Percy and the twins jumping on him stopped Neville from attacking the prostrate Snape.

Harry felt Snape forcing himself to control his fury and hate. With that, Harry felt himself suddenly released from pain. Frantic, he plunged back into his embodied magic. Though weakened, he tried to crash into Ron&Harry, shouting and mind-shouting:

"[Ron! Stop! I'm okay!]"

Harry felt the wall of Ron's fury keeping him at a distance.

"GET HIM OUT OF HERE!" Ron bellowed.

Harry saw Ron lift Hagrid off the floor. Ginny and Hermione stayed between Ron and Snape. Mum, Dad, Charlie and now Remus moved even closer beside them. Ron began to slowly carry Hagrid, inching forward.

Harry screamed and mind-screamed: "[Ron! He's not trying to kill me! He's not!]" But he was still unheard.

Dumbledore now stood with all those between Ron and Snape. Fawkes and Hedwig joined them, flying back and forth. Dumbledore's wand sent continuous waves, which slowed Ron, but failed to stop him.

Desperate, Harry grasped for the magic to break through, to get Ron to hear him. He felt magic stream in from his family and beyond, but it wasn't enough. Even with Dobby's magic, it wasn't enough. More, somehow he knew that it wasn't the right kind of magic. Over and over, he flung himself toward Ron only to be blocked by that wall, that raging wall, that alien magical wall.

"Magical?" he thought.

As Ron advanced on Snape, closer and closer, Harry reached out to the wall, but this time not to push. He opened himself up to the wall, welcoming its magic. Immediately, Harry felt an outrushing that drove him into the bed. Dobby jerked, turned and stared. Directing that power into his mind-voice and not against the wall but with it and through it, Harry screamed and mind-screamed:

"[RON! STOP! I'M SAFE! HE'S NOT TRYING TO KILL ME! HE'S NOT!]"

Ron froze.

Inside, Harry heard Ron's mind-voice, small and terrified:

[Harry? You all right?]

[Yeah, Ron. I'm all right.]

Long pause. Then Ron mind-asked,

[Sure?]

[I'm sure, Ron. Hey? Check it out?]

Harry felt Ron checking. Then he felt Ron's fury-wall collapse. All that magic, which had filled the air, suddenly disappeared. Hagrid's feet hit the floor with a room-shaking thud.

Harry moved into Ron&Harry, feeling Ron's utter confusion and exhaustion. He looked over and saw Neville, equally stunned. From Ron&Harry, he reached out to comfort him as well as Ron. Harry noticed that Neville's flames had disappeared.

For several moments, no one spoke, no one moved. Finally, Charlie asked the whole room's question:

"Singing Merlin drunk on a broomstick. Where the bloody hell did you come up with all that magic, little brother?"

Mouth agape and panting, Ron slowly turned to Charlie and just stared with terrified eyes.

In the silence, Snape picked himself off the floor, stood with his eyes closed, and then began checking himself with cautious and unfluid movements. Harry could feel Snape's body reeling with pain, his mind dazed, his head aching. But Harry could also sense that, with Snape's outward presentation, he, Harry, was the only one who knew. He gained enormous respect for the Potions master's self-discipline.

Finished with his checking, Snape paused to take a breath which, when it went too deep, produced a twitch and slight wince. He paused again, then slowly, stiffly and with a few more winces, walked over to stand in front of Ron, his face blank. Ron and Snape were eye to eye. Ron was still panting and his mouth hadn't closed. Harry didn't think Ron had even blinked yet, and his eyes had lost none of their terror.

"Impressive, Weasley," Snape said. "Most impressive."

He sneered, and then Snaped out, "A bit more control might be useful."

* * * * * * * * * *

"And I know you don't like me being able to feel what you're feeling," Harry said. "I don't blame you. ‘Cause I don't like feeling your feelings either, or your feeling mine, right?. We.... We don't like each other, and we don't trust each other."

That said, Harry sighed. He'd recovered from his fear and pain, and he was picking up where Ron's explosion had interrupted. Ron and Neville were still close to Harry, still touching him, as was Hermione. But both boys were thoroughly shaken, and they were taking more relief from Harry than giving support. Which was fine with Harry. Actually, he liked it, finally able to give back, finally able to take charge of his life and the situation. If he weren't so exhausted and if the situation weren't so touchy, he might even have enjoyed himself, feeling not like the old Harry, but like a new and more powerful Harry, at least in some ways and for a little bit.

"But I didn't ask for this," Harry said. "And I don't know how to change it."

Snape still refrained from Legilimency, but through their connection, Harry sensed him checking Harry's feelings to be sure. Harry realized that, for the foreseeable future, trust would to be a problem between them. Satisfied with Harry's truth, Snape nodded, his eyes and emotions wary.

"I don't know what we're going to do," Harry said, "but unless you can work out a way of blocking it – I mean you're the expert on Occlumency...." Harry looked hopefully at Snape, perhaps the only time Harry had ever looked hopefully at Snape.

Snape shook his head. "I've tried, Mr. Potter-Weasley. I've tried and I've failed. Something about this connection -- it's not the magic's power. Even I don't believe that you're so conceited as to think that your power exceeds the Headmaster's or the Dark Lord's. But this power is so ... different. Different and complex, clearly an Ancient Magic. With all my skills and art, I cannot deflect it, and I cannot pull it apart to wall it off or even to probe its structure. I've tried, Merlin knows, I've tried. You may believe me on that."

Harry truly believed Snape had tried. Tried and failed, more's the pity. Harry sighed, too.

"Sir. This connection, this link, it's not just... there. At least for me. It's not just that I can't block your feelings either. It's like my other links, like with the BondRope. I'm...." Harry hesitated, reluctant, no scared, really scared about going on, and terrified that what he had to say might provoke Snape.

"It's like I have to go into your feelings, and I have to...." Harry swallowed, looked at Snape wide-eyed, then blurted. "To try to get you to love me!"

The room gasped. Harry rushed on. "There, I've said it! And I know that makes you hate me even more, I can feel it. But I can't stop that any more than I can block your feelings. Or, I reckon, any more than you can block my feelings."

Harry felt Snape's shock, then... shame? He tried to keep himself from checking that feeling, but, as always, he had no choice. Damn it all, there he was checking Snape's feelings, and, yes, Snape was feeling shame. But then he felt under the shame and goggled again. "He's trying to love me, too!" With that, he felt, as he expected, as he dreaded, Snape's fury.

"See?" Harry said. "I can't help it! Can't you feel that? I don't want to, but I can't help it any more than you can! So if you have any bloody ideas on how we can stop that...."

Harry felt Snape checking, feeling the truth in what Harry said. Then Snape sighed.

"Yes, Mr. Potter-Weasley, I can feel both that you don't want to and that you can't help it. And most unfortunately, I seem equally unable to assist you. Or me."

Harry sighed, too, but with their talking, he began to feel some hope. Maybe, just maybe they were making progress -- a little anyway. Harry heard Dumbledore's chuckle. He felt both himself and Snape bristle. "At least," Harry thought, "we agree on something."

"So," Harry said, "that means... we're stuck?"

Snape nodded. Harry felt Snape's anger, but he felt it was as much self-anger, anger at Snape's own inability to change this, as it was anger at him. It was also clear, to Harry, that Snape was not going to make the next move. Perhaps, Harry realized, Snape couldn't make that next move. Harry began to understand Snape's "couldn't".

"He knows less about family than I do." Harry thought. "And he doesn't even want one. And now... he's stuck, and with me for his family." He frowned. "All right," he thought to himself, "what next?"

"What next" didn't take long to come. It was obvious. But it was scary, too. "Why do I always have to make the first moves, here. I mean, he's my professor and everything, and he's an adult. So why do I have to—"

He cut himself short. It didn't matter why. It only mattered, he realized, that he, Harry, did have to make the next move. But it was still chilling and damned frightening. And Harry really didn't like having Snape know how scared he was. But Harry decided that didn't matter, either. Not unless he wanted re-runs of him gasping in pain and passing out, and of cheery Thermonuclear Ron.

Harry gulped. "Sir--" "Damn!" he thought as he heard a quiver in his voice.

Harry felt Snape's automatic worry about Harry's fear, followed quickly by Snape's fury for having that worry. But this time, Snape was better prepared, and he better dealt with his fury. Harry got by with only a small flinch.

"Yes, Mr. Potter-Weasley?" Snape replied, almost polite, and even more surprising, almost hopeful, or at least grateful that Harry had spoken.

"I don't expect you to like me or anything," Harry said. "And I know when we're out in public and all, that you can't let something show, ‘cause that'd be dangerous."

Harry paused, still afraid. Feeling Harry's fear, Snape relaxed somewhat, which made it marginally easier.

"But, sir? Could you...." Harry forced himself to look at Snape, to look at him fully in the face. "Just please not hate me?"

With his plea finally out there, Harry felt, deep within, his desperate longing not to be hated, just not to be hated, even if he couldn't be loved. With that came the old Dursley-inflicted, "'Cause I'm not worth loving". And with that – "Oh, God!" -- Harry could feel tears.

"No," he thought desperately. "Please, please not tears." But it was no good, he couldn't help that, either. Accompanied by Harry's own fury, the first tear went down his face. Harry kept his head up and his mouth firm, he kept himself looking directly at Snape, right into his eyes. He would not, he would not look away. But, oh, Merlin, it hurt beyond any Cruciatus to feel.... He forced himself to admit it. He would be honest.

"To feel hate from... my family," Harry thought. "And Snape's my family. I didn't choose it; he didn't choose it. But choose it or not, he's still my family now. And to feel hate from my family...."

All those long, lonely years of being hated, hated by his family caved in on Harry. And more tears followed that first tear, and more fury followed that first fury. He couldn't speak, but Harry refused to look away, he refused even to blink the tears away, as if blinking would acknowledge them, would make them even more real than the deep reality they already were, the deep family reality between him and Severus Snape, and worse, the deep family reality between him and the Dursleys.

"I don't want them to be my family," Harry thought. "I've got a family, a family who cares about me, who loves me. I don't want them to be my family."

But again, Harry's wanting didn't matter. He could feel that the Dursleys would always be a kind of anti-family to him, they would always be a part of him. Harry could feel that their treacherous bond would not disappear, but would, in some ways, remain.

So with even more tears, Harry stayed head up, chin firm and facing Snape – yes, Snape, who was also his family. And, yes, Harry found himself also facing the Dursleys, also his family.

Harry felt the rest of his family gather round him, inside and out – Ron, Hermione, Mum, Dad, Remus, Neville, everyone – all of them, all of their loves. It helped, it helped beyond words. But it didn't stop the tears, and it didn't make him able to speak. If anything more was to be said now, it would have to be said by Snape.

Harry could feel that Snape was utterly unprepared and unhorsed. He could feel Snape's own extreme vulnerability, more vulnerability than Harry could ever imagine in this angry, hate-filled and – Harry had to admit it -- courageous man. More vulnerability, Harry realized, than Snape had ever felt with Voldemort.

For a long time, these feelings and more were exchanged, but no words were said or even thought.

Finally, painfully, Harry saw and felt Snape shove himself into making words – forced words, but true words – Harry could feel that, true words.

"Mr. Potter-Weasley," Snape started. "I promise-- No, you deserve better than that for your honesty and... for your courage. I swear that I will try to contain or deflect away from you as much hate as I can."

Snape swallowed.

"Though as you know, and you know more directly than anyone else, there is so much hate in me, and that hate has been there for so long, that I cannot swear always to be successful. But I will swear always to try, and to keep trying." Snape flushed. "That, I'm afraid, will have to do."

Still crying and still refusing to acknowledge his crying, Harry nodded. That, indeed, would have to do.

...libera animas omnium... ...free all souls
de poenis inferni, from the pains of hell,
et de profundo lacu: and from the deepest lake:
libera eas de ore leonis... free them from the mouth of the lion.(2)
Offertory
from the Requiem Mass

* * * * * * * * * *

"Only for now," the Burrow laughed. "That will have to do only for now."

The Burrow laughed deep and far, laughed its "only for now" up north until it was bonded to Hogwarts, which agreed and laughed back its own promise: "Only for now."

Requiem eternam dona eis Domine, Eternal rest, grant them, O Lord.
Et lux perpetua luceat eis. And let perpetual light shine on them.(3)
Introit
from the Requiem Mass