Choices

STANDARD DISCLAIMER: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

Chapter One

December, 1978

Regulus pressed his back to the stones of the alley wall and craned his neck to the side slightly, straining to get a better view through the gusting snow down Diagon Alley without moving from the shadow that hid him. His ears pricked, nervous, alert for any sound that didn't belong among the carols and late-afternoon bustle of a few early holiday shoppers. One sweaty hand toyed with the wand in his robe pocket. If only he could get to Sirius before anyone even realized he was here....Quick, he had to be quick. Merlin but this was killing him.

He laughed, low and bitter, at the thought. It might be literal if he weren't careful. Or lucky. Care was often not quite enough where the Dark Lord was concerned. And he'd already been lucky once; he was pushing it now.

He glanced down the street again toward Flourish and Blott's. Sirius had disappeared into it with that bloody Lupin fellow nearly three-quarters of an hour ago, and Regulus was growing more skittish by the minute. What in all the seven hells was taking them so long? The snow was piling up around his boots already. And it was fucking cold in this damned alleyway, even with the wall opposite to cut back the wind. He shivered, pulled his cloak closer; he was still a little weak from that cursed potion, and he could feel it. He looked a third time. He didn't dare for a second risk missing Sirius leave. How he was going to get his brother away from Lupin long enough - well, that he hadn't yet figured out. He'd work it somehow. Maybe it wouldn't even matter; they were both Order people after all. Maybe. Doubt rose in him, the hundredth time that afternoon.

Oh gods, Siri. Stupid, stupid.

But it was too late to go back now. He twitched his wand in his pocket again. He had one shot at this, he knew. Only one. His heart thudded in his chest, and he forced himself to breathe. Deep, steadying breaths, that did absolutely nothing to loosen the knots in his stomach or the muscles twisting painfully between his shoulders. Merlin, what was happening to him? After the...well, after that he ought to be able to do this without feeling like a first-year Filch had caught out after hours. He swallowed; his throat still felt raw, and he grimaced. Perhaps it was because it was Sirius.

Steady, Reg.

With each breath he felt the little bundle in his other pocket shift against his side slightly, and he cupped his left hand over it protectively. One of the many reasons he could not afford to linger here much longer. Gods damn the slow bastards.

He thought he felt an unpleasant tingle in his left arm; his Mark. Surely he wasn't being summoned now? He dropped his hand from his side again, and the feeling faded. Nothing; his imagination. Another glance. Ye gods where were they?

Breathe, Regulus, breathe.

He tightened his grip on his wand, jiggled it, let it slip through his fingers again. For a moment he reconsidered his decision not to wear a glamour, then shook his head. He needed Sirius to recognize him.

Finally, after five or six further excruciating minutes, he saw Lupin exit the bookshop, Sirius on his heels. Both carried a variety of gaily-wrapped parcels - Christmas shopping like all the other oblivious little fools tonight. Regulus spat. He felt his shoulders twitch and the bile rise in his throat as Lupin and Sirius started back through the snow towards the Leaky Cauldron - and towards him. Lupin. There was something about the skinny young man that set Regulus' skin crawling with just a touch of pureblood horror - he moved, he smelled wrong somehow. Something beyond the mud in his half-blood veins. Sirius, of course, had never seemed bothered in the least. Damned Gryffindor.

Regulus watched as the friends ambled closer, Lupin leaning in conspiratorially to whisper in Sirius' ear. He gestured with a yellow-wrapped package, and even from where he stood Regulus could hear Sirius' clear laugh ring out over the cheerful Christmas noise of the street. He gripped his wand tight again, hand slick with sweat. Bloody hell. How to get Sirius away from Lupin?

He leaned forward a little, blood pounding in his temples. Were they - wait, yes, Lupin had stopped, was turning aside, toward another shop. He gestured Sirius on. Regulus caught a few words as his brother turned away from Lupin with a cheery wave -

"- at the party then, Moony!"

- and continued on towards Regulus, whistling a carol, alone.

Regulus breathed deep and sent up a silent thank-you. Someone was favoring him tonight. At this point he didn't well care who. He slipped the wand from his pocket, ready, and tensed as Sirius drew near. Another breath.

Don't fuck this up, Reg, you don't get another shot here.

Sirius drew even with the mouth of the alley, a little apart from even the nearest shoppers. No-one seemed to be looking. Regulus stepped out just behind him with a whispered Stupefy. Timing it near perfectly, he caught his brother in his arms before he fell back more than a step, pushed the senseless man to his feet as if he'd merely slipped, and said with false cheerfulness, just loud enough to be heard:

"Oof, mind the ice, Siri!"

Hardly a glance in their direction. In a matter of moments he had Sirius inside the alleyway, out of sight. He pushed the stupefied man upright against the wall, heedless of the packages fallen at his feet, and tapped his cheeks none too gently.

"Siri, Siri wake up" he whispered. "Siri."

"Mmhf."

He was coming round. Regulus let the tip of his wand rest lightly on Sirius' neck, his hand oddly steady despite the rubbery sensation in his knees and the blood pounding in his ears.

"Sirius."

Another light slap. Sirius opened his eyes, blinked, focused slowly on Regulus.

"R-Reggie? Wha-"

Regulus' hand silenced him.

"Quiet!" he hissed. He could feel the urge to shake building in him now, the weakness; but he tried to hold himself still, and kept his eyes firmly on his brother's.

Sirius stared at him, wide-eyed over the hand clamped to his mouth. Then he tried to move, only to be stopped by the pressure of Regulus' wand on his throat. He tensed visibly, and his eyes blazed. Regulus dropped his hand from Sirius' mouth and grabbed his wrist before he could go for his own wand.

"What in bloo-"

"Shut up, for Merlin's sake, you have to help me, Siri!"

*****

Sirius goggled. Regulus' face, six inches from his own, was corpse-pale in the dusk of the alley, though his eyes glittered feverishly. Sirius' head was still a little muzzy from - it must have been a Stunning Spell that Regulus had hit him with, he realized. But even in his current state he could tell that whatever the bloody hell was going on, it was definitely not good. Not at all. Regulus did not spook easily, he knew. Yet here was Reg, visibly spooked.

"You have to help me," Regulus repeated in a whisper. His breathing seemed somewhat labored, though his grip was firm enough. Sirius shook his head a little to clear it, glanced once around the alley.

"And you think attacking me and holding me at wandpoint is the best way to get me to?" he demanded, voice low and angry. "What the hell is going on?" He tried again to pull away, but Regulus gripped his wrist tighter. "Let go of me."

Regulus lowered his wand a few inches. "He's going to kill me, Siri."

"Who is? And don't call me that."

"Who do you think?" Regulus hissed forcefully. His voice went raw, and he coughed. His eyes were burning into Sirius'. "Hide me!"

"You think I'm going to risk my neck because little Reggie has displeased his Master?" Sirius growled.

"I'm done with him." Regulus' voice was low and flat and final.

Sirius paused. Then: "Bullshit." His eyes were hard. "Get the fuck away from me before I Side-Along you straight to Auror Headquarters."

Regulus' eyes shifted away for a moment, then back. "I've cast an anti-Disapparition jinx on the alley." There it was again, an odd slight rasp to his voice.

Sirius stared right at his brother and sneered. He didn't believe that for a second. "You always were a bad liar, Reggie." He yanked his arm free at last and grabbed his wand from his pocket, pointing it at Regulus.

Ok, enough of this bullshit. Time to get out of here and head to James'.

"Then believe me when I say I'm done with him." Regulus lowered his own wand further. "I'll prove it, even." He glanced quickly toward the street, anxiety written on his pale features. "Only not here."

Sirius kept his gaze fixed on his brother, though out of the corner of his eye he could glimpse a few straggling shoppers passing the mouth of the alley. It was nearly dark; he could hear the carolers outside the Leaky Cauldron finishing up the last tune of the evening. Regulus turned back to him, tugging at the neck of his dark robes and swallowing compulsively.

"Please, Sirius."

Something in his voice and eyes held Sirius fast. They stared at each other in silence for a long minute, wands half-raised. Then Regulus let his hand fall to his side. He was breathing heavily now, and if it hadn't been Regulus in front of him Sirius would have sworn the black-clad figure was trembling. He bit his lip.

Is he....

"Fuck." Sirius swore softly. He drew a breath and exhaled sharply. "Where - no. Have you ever been inside the Shrieking Shack?"

Regulus nodded. Without warning Sirius Apparated, his arrival in the dim interior of the Shack causing a minor dust cloud to bloom.

"Lumos," he said, and the nearly bare little room brightened just as Regulus appeared next to him with a small pop. He raised his wand again before his brother could move. "Alright, Reg. Talk."

*****

Sirius pushed back the bangs of thick black hair falling into his eyes and watched with growing impatience as Regulus, ignoring his command, turned and carefully scanned the single dusty room with nervous, darting eyes.

"You're sure there's no-one else around here?" Regulus asked in a near whisper, raising his wand slightly.

"Do you see anyone else? And put your fucking wand away before I take it. Or maybe I'd better." Sirius fought down the urge to repay his younger brother's earlier Stunning Spell with one in kind and simply disarm him - a move like that would only make Regulus withdraw whatever strange trust he seemed to have placed in Sirius for the moment.

Regulus turned his head and fixed Sirius with his gray, still-feverish eyes. In the better light Sirius could now see the uncharacteristic gauntness in Regulus' face, the animal wariness; he looked far too old for his seventeen years.

"You think I'm going to try something?"

Again Sirius heard the odd papery rasp to his voice, more definite now. He seemed...almost ill.

Or playing at it. His shoulders tensed as he realized the position he'd just put himself into. Maybe the isolated Shack hadn't been the best idea....

"You did five minutes ago, remember? And I wouldn't put it past you to try tricking me into coming someplace where you and your 'friends' could gang up on me. At least there's only one way in or out here." As he said this last he deliberately moved to stand on the trapdoor leading to the tunnel back to Hogwarts, keeping his wand pointed at Regulus. Now what was the incantation for an anti-Apparition jinx...

Regulus smiled strangely, almost amusedly but for the joyless look in his eyes. "You think like a Death Eater, Sirius."

"I have to." It came out as a growl.

Regulus only nodded. His eyes searched Sirius' face; he licked his lips once, then slowly turned the wand in his hand so that the handle pointed toward Sirius. When Sirius made to reach for it, however, he jerked his hand away and stepped back slightly.

"Put up an anti-Apparition jinx and a Silencing charm. Just in case." His breath hitched audibly at the end of the sentence. "I know you can cast them."

Sirius did nothing, merely stared. Who the hell did Regulus think he was to just issue him orders like that?

"Merlin's balls, Siri, do you like torturing me like this? You'd do it anyway you know. You just won't because I asked you to."

Sirius felt an uncomfortable tightening sensation in his stomach that told him Regulus was probably right on that count. He paused, then glared at his brother, and with a show of reluctance muttered the requisite spells.

"There. And how many times to I have to tell you not to call me Siri?"

At once Regulus' shoulders seemed loosen a little, and after a pause of his own held out his wand again. Once it was safely tucked into a deep pocket of his robes Sirius felt a little better, and he let his own wand drop a little. But he didn't dare put it away, even in the face of Regulus' apparent cooperation; he could still feel the hairs on the back of his neck pricking. Regulus' nervousness was starting to get to him.

"So. You said you're done with Voldemort." He saw Regulus flinch a little at the unnameable name. "And something about proof, I believe." He deliberately kept his tone a little hard.

Regulus stiffened visibly again. Slowly he slipped his hand into his pocket and made as if to draw something out of it, then paused.

"You've got to help me hide. When he realizes it's gone...." His face was white. "Promise me."

"When he realizes what's gone? Are you going to tell me what the bloody hell is going on?"

"Sirius."

Sirius had never heard Regulus truly beg before. He seemed...quite desperate. Sirius searched his face, his posture; there was not a trace of guile there. He drew a breath, slowly let it out, drew another.

What the hell have you gotten yourself into, Reg?

"Alright. I'll do what I can," he said quietly.

Regulus didn't move.

"I promise. Now tell me. What have you done?"

Regulus licked his lips again, and took his hand out of his pocket. He was clutching something wrapped in a scrap of brown paper - a little packet that he gripped tightly enough to turn his knuckles white. "I...."

Regulus took a breath, but for a moment he didn't seem able to continue speaking. Then with a sudden violence that startled Sirius he burst out: "He's insane!" A momentary coughing fit overtook him and he bent over a little, arms around himself, until he could speak again. "He's mad, completely mad!"

"You just figured that out?" Sirius asked; but it came out with less sarcasm than he'd intended.

Regulus shook his head. "No, I mean really mad." His voice was dry. "He's got no sense of - of limits!" He seemed for a moment about to fling the little packet away from himself, then held it close again. Sirius glanced at it.

"What is it?"

Regulus hesitated, a kind of panic appearing on his exhausted face. He was shaking slightly. Sirius put out a hand to steady him, but he jerked away fearfully. Then he sank down on the edge of the tattered bed comprising the room's only furnishing, put his head down, and wrapped his arms around himself miserably.

Reggie, Sirius thought with a trace of panic, his gaze flitting between his brother and the little packet Regulus still held in a death-grip. Tell me you haven't done something really idiotic.... Deserting Voldemort did bring with it the real possibility of a - not always pleasant - death, but this seemed something more - to have terrified Regulus like this. Even Bellatrix had never been able to shake him after his ninth or tenth year, and Merlin knew she tried. Slowly he moved over to the bed and crouched in front of his brother, putting a hand on his arm.

"Reg," he said softly, keeping his voice as steady as possible. Regulus lifted his head, mute. "Tell me."

Regulus breathed in, then again. Finally he shuddered once, and something broke open in his eyes. He held out the little packet and pulled back the paper. In his palm lay a small golden locket, marked with a fancy emerald "S."

"It's a Horcrux," he said simply.

Sirius lifted his eyes from the locket at the unfamiliar word. "A what?"

"A Horcrux," Regulus repeated, exhausted. "A...it's got a piece of his soul inside."

Sirius felt his guts turn to ice. He stared wordlessly at Regulus, who now met his eyes unflinchingly.

"He wants to live forever," Regulus said quietly. "No matter what it takes. So he made a Horcrux - maybe more, I don't know. I do know it requires a murder to make one. He cut off a piece of his own soul. To give him a way back if he dies somehow. His soul."

Sirius paused to take this in, feeling his mind struggle against the enormity of the implications to what Regulus was saying. "How did you...?"

"Kreacher. The Dark Lord....A little while after Hallowe'en he asked for a house-elf." He swallowed. "He didn't say why. I volunteered Kreacher - figured it was some silly little task, I guess. Told him to come straight back after he was done with whatever it was."

And now Sirius cocked his head to one side, curious, for saw an odd shudder ripple through Regulus' body as his eyes seemed to focus on something only he could see.

"When Kreacher returned..." Regulus swallowed again. "When he returned he was...oh, half dead. I had to force a bezoar down the bloody little creature's throat to revive him. And he kept muttering and shaking, afraid I'd send him back, or kill him for wanting to refuse the Dark Lord. Said something about a potion; that was all I could get out of him for the longest time." He breathed deeply, and made a raw coughing sound, then continued.

As Regulus haltingly related Kreacher's story of a cave where the Dark Lord had hidden a strange locket and set a potion to guard it - the potion Kreacher had been forced to test - he seemed to grow increasingly upset, to Sirius' surprise. His voice grew uneven, and he shuddered violently whenever he mentioned the potion. After a few minutes Sirius moved to sit next to him on the bed, and Regulus seemed to calm somewhat, though the strained tone did not leave his voice.

"When he was done he left Kreacher there," Regulus finally said, "thought he couldn't Apparate through the regular wards and would just die I guess. Always was stupid and arrogant like that, just assuming things."

Sirius couldn't quite suppress the thought that Regulus Black was one to talk, but he batted it away immediately. This was a Regulus he'd never seen before.

"But Kreacher had to come back, I'd ordered him to. When he told me about the locket, I realized what the Dark Lord had probably been hiding in that cave. He'd kept dropping these little hints about 'pieces,' and never dying....I'd read about Horcruxes in a book." He glanced at Sirius when the latter made a small noise in his throat. "Not the kind you'd read," he said with a bit of a smirk - a little of the usual Regulus showing through; Sirius found it oddly comforting. "One of Father's. He let me go in his library, you know, after I joined."

Sirius smiled a little back, humorlessly. It figured; from the moment he'd gone into Slytherin Regulus always had been the one who pleased their parents the most. A true Black through and through, they'd called him.

Regulus shifted in his seat a little, and bent his head. His hands had closed around the locket again, and he held it loosely in his lap. When he continued speaking his voice had dropped again, dry and heavy. "I don't know why, but after Kreacher told me all that, and I realized what...I don't know, something in my head just flipped upside-down, and I couldn't see myself going on like I had been." He sighed. "It wasn't like what I'd thought it'd be, anyway, but I didn't let myself think about it. It was the Dark Lord, after all." He raised his head slightly, pale again, and smiled weakly. "I guess I wasn't really so cut out for...torturing and killing people. Not like that. When it's kids and all."

If Sirius hadn't been a Black he might have been disturbed by the fact that Regulus hesitated only slightly at the words; as it was he was more startled by the haunted look in his brother's eyes than anything. Though he knew Regulus had never quite shared the extreme taste for cruelty certain of his cousins possessed, and was rather saner in his treatment of the house-elves than most of the family, he was by no means a bleeding heart either. Just over a year ago he'd quite proudly joined the Death Eaters, after all. Now...well, this was a streak of humanity he'd never suspected his brother of having. He squeezed Regulus' arm gently and nodded.

Regulus just twitched his lips again, and fixed Sirius with humorless eyes. "Blood is one thing," he said quietly, ignoring Sirius' immediate grimace of revulsion, "keeping the old families pure like we Blacks have done. But...well, if he continues on like he has been there'll hardly be any wizards at all left in Britain soon. He doesn't know when to stop." His hands clenched on the Horcrux. "He's utterly mad."

He breathed deeply a few times, then continued. "So I had Kreacher Side-Along me back to the cave. It was warded, but only against regular wizards. He forgot to think about house-elves. Stupid. That's almost the worst, really, how little he thinks sometimes."

He made an odd harsh sound in his throat, and Sirius realized he was laughing.

"I took a dummy locket with me, with a note inside. I was going to make Kreacher help me replace it. But when we were actually there, I realized ...I just couldn't make him go through that again. For some reason I just couldn't." He closed his eyes. "So I gave him the dummy and told him to switch it for the real one, and to take that back home and destroy it. Then I drank the potion, so he could get at the Horcrux."

He fell silent, seemingly unable to go on, and Sirius noticed that his breathing had become labored again. Finally Sirius squeezed his arm again and, picking his words with care, asked the question that had been lingering in his mind since Regulus had begun his story.

"This potion...what did it actually do? It wasn't just poison?"

Regulus was quiet for a moment, then shook his head. "No. There were...other effects too. It burned like, like you wouldn't believe. And..." He spoke slowly, and with real difficulty now. "I - I saw things...." He trailed off.

"Things?" Sirius prodded gently after a moment.

"Things..." He pulled away from Sirius with a sudden violence, angry. "Things I never want to see again. I never want to think about again." He stopped, panting, and Sirius didn't press him further. After a slight pause Regulus continued again, hurriedly, his jaw visibly taut. "Anyway, for a while I thought I was going to die right there. I asked Kreacher to get me some water from the lake - I was so thirsty - but there were Inferi...I'd told the elf to leave as soon as he switched the Horcrux, and I thought he'd leave me there, but he didn't. He pulled me away just in time. Took me back to Grimmauld Place and gave me a bezoar, for the poison."

The rasp in his voice had become more distinct after so much talking, and now Sirius realized that what he had thought to be the traces of illness were probably lingering effects of the potion.

"It took me weeks to recover though," Regulus went on. "I had Kreacher tell Mother that I'd caught Wheezing Fever from a third-year and she stayed away, let Kreacher look after me. Wrote the school to excuse me." He paused briefly, slowed. "I'm...still not completely better. And since then I'm...not the same. I've had this fear...." He looked away from Sirius. "I tried to destroy the locket. But nothing's worked. Even Kreacher can't make a mark on it. I took it with me back to Hogwarts, I keep it with me everywhere. Maybe I shouldn't have left the note..." Suddenly he shook his head and sat up a little. "No, I want him to know who it was," he said through gritted teeth, a trace of the old Black pride showing through again. "I want him to remember Regulus Black."

Even if that was incredibly dumb, Reg, Sirius thought with just a touch of pride himself. Only his brother would dare steal a piece of the Dark Lord's very soul....

"But I can't stop thinking about what he's going to do when he realizes it's gone," Regulus continued, voice gone dry again. "Finally I couldn't...on my own...." He dropped his head. "I didn't know where else to go," he whispered. "Dumbledore'd...I'm sure he'd call the Aurors on me. He did when he found out Davis had joined."

Sirius was silent for a moment, looking at the horrible little locket Regulus hadn't once let go of. His thoughts shifted uncertainly in his mind: he no longer doubted Regulus' sincerity, but he knew that if the locket was indeed what Regulus had said it was, he would not be able to hide Regulus well enough himself. He shifted his gaze to the wall of the Shack behind Regulus. He noticed with only a mild shock that it was now twilight, to judge by the light seeping in through the cracks between the boards. He'd quite forgotten even about James and Lily's flat-warming party, he realized absently. Mooney'd be there by now, too. He'd even left their present in the alley, sitting in the snow.

A piece of Voldemort's soul....

"I don't think Dumbledore would do that to you," he said finally. "Not if you're as sincere as I think you are."

Regulus looked up at him, surprise showing on his face.

"And if he does I'll - well, I won't let him," Sirius said fiercely. "Besides, I don't know who else we could take the Horcrux to." He smiled in what he hoped was a reassuring fashion at Regulus. "I trust him, Reg. More than I trust most people. He's...he's Dumbledore."

Regulus relaxed slightly, seeming to accept this. "He really is the Order, isn't he?" he said quietly.

Sirius stiffened. "You - how do you know about that?" he asked quietly, hearing the new edge to his voice.

Regulus gave him a wry little smile. "Oh, we've known about it for quite a while, Siri, and that you and Lupin and the Potters are all involved." He paused, and fixed Sirius with suddenly sober eyes. Then, quietly: "Your friend Peter's been talking to certain Slytherins for a couple of months now, you know."

Sirius felt the words hit like a blow to the stomach. "Peter?" he gasped, staring at Regulus. A sudden nausea washed over him. "Peter...he'd never..." he said weakly.

No. I don't believe that. That's not possible.

Regulus met his gaze silently, and Sirius could read the truth in his eyes. He tried to breathe, swallowed a few times; there was a sickening lightness in his head. He felt something turn leaden in his chest.

Peter....

He stood and pulled out Regulus' wand. "Here," he said flatly, offering it to Regulus. "We're going to Dumbledore now."

After a startled moment Regulus took the wand, then stood and shoved the Horcrux deep into his pocket. Without a word, he followed Sirius into the tunnel to Hogwarts, the trapdoor shutting behind them with a wooden thud in the Shack's sudden gloom.