How to Grow a Mullet in Seven Weeks or Less

He gave up on life when Severus gave up on him. The problem wasn't their age difference or that they were both famous. The problem was him. He couldn't figure out what to do with his life and Severus was sick of him lounging around *his* dungeons.

Severus normally did not mind sharing his living space with the person he loved. But when the man you're living with barely resembles the man you fell in love with problems ensue. And their problems began over the simplest things. What type of tea to have in the afternoon. Whether the new armchairs should be blue and silver or charcoal. Where to spend the holidays. Of course the petty arguments were just to cover up the real problems.

Severus didn't understand why Harry didn't take one of the many jobs he had been offered. The Falmouth Falcons and Wigtown Wanderers both offered him positions on their Quidditch teams. But Harry hadn't flown since the accident. Remus Lupin had asked him to be his assistant professor but Harry had no interest in Defense Against the Dark Arts since the defeat of Voldemort. The Department of Mysteries had offered to train him to be an Unspeakable but after all of the secrets during the war Harry wanted the option of speaking.

But he wouldn't speak and that was the problem. Severus understood Harry's protests with each of these jobs; logically they made sense. But surely there was something in the hundreds of job offers he could accept. So Severus, feeling he had no other choice, asked Harry for time and space to figure things out. He suggested the space would be good for Harry to sort himself out. Unfortunately Harry just saw it as a way to not have to leave his bed. His lover wasn't there to make certain he got up in the morning, so he didn't.

"What happened?" Remus asked.

"We haven't heard from him in two weeks," Sirius added.

"I simply told him to move on with his life or move out. The asinine man moved back to Godric's Hollow."

"Why didn't you stop him?" Remus asked.

"Why would you stop him? It's been over a year, Remus and he still hasn't done a thing," Sirius stated.

"Precisely, if I stopped him the I would be immobilizing him further. Perhaps being on his own will help him to understand his position," Severus concluded.

Being on his own didn't help him to understand a thing. Harry didn't mind the solitude; in fact he rather enjoyed it. No one gawked at his forehead, no one stared at him, and no one rushed up for the opportunity to meet the Boy Who Lived With Another Man and Defeated He Who Must Not Be Named.

After two weeks when no one came by Harry decided he preferred life that way and thought he would follow in the steps of the Muggle Buddha and wander until he found nirvana. His groceries came by owl order and occasionally Hermione Finnigan sent him a letter.

Week four found Severus wondering exactly what Harry was doing. The house at Godric's Hollow wasn't very impressive but to Harry, and now Severus too, it was home. Severus briefly wondered where he was going to spend the summer holidays but revising for NEWTS, OWLS, and exams quickly removed those thoughts from his mind.

Harry didn't know when he started writing, just that he did and now he couldn't stop. Five weeks had passed since he had moved out of the dungeons and he had found no purpose. But writing, even if it was nonsense, was helping. Hermione was threatening to visit but he knew she was almost due with her first child and the trip would be too much at the moment. He was mildly surprised he hadn't heard from Sirius but dismissed it as end of term business. After all NEWTS, OWLS, and exams in Transfiguration were time consuming for the Professor too.

It was during week six when Slytherin beat Ravenclaw and won the Quidditch Cup that Severus almost became willing to admit he missed Harry. Then he remembered the staff members who spent most of the year away from their spouses or partners and thought it would be best not to mention his.

It was also week six when Hedwig, being a brilliant owl and having a soft spot for Severus, decided enough was enough. She was going to bring the two of them back together anyway she had to. So, at random, she picked up a parchment of Harry's writing and headed to see Severus. Perhaps he could see what was really going on.

Friday evening during supper Severus was surprised to see Hedwig fly into the Great Hall. Even more surprising she flew to him. Severus took the parchment from her, gave her an owl treat, then finished his meal and excused himself for the evening.

Once he reached his dungeons he opened the parchment and saw the familiar messy scrawl. At first he did not understand his lover's words.

I am Harry Potter. I am the Boy Who Lived. I am homosexual. I am in love. These are the only four things I know about for certain anymore. My life has never made sense to me. My Muggle aunt and uncle, who raised me, told me from early on I was worthless. They treated me similar to how a House Elf is treated. But worst of all they lied to me. Until I was eleven years old I believed my parents died in a car accident. Until I was eleven years old I wished I had died with them.

On my eleventh birthday my friend Rubeus Hagrid rescued me from my family. He told me about wizards and witches, he gave me my Hogwarts letter, he took me to Diagon Alley, and he bought me my beloved owl. It was my best birthday to date. I began school at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry a month and a day later. On the Hogwarts Express I met my two best friends, and my rival.

Hagrid had explained to me I was the Boy Who Lived but I did not understand the significance until I began school. Everyone knew who I was. I was famous to them but to myself I was just Harry Potter, scared and confused. There was nothing special about me as far as I was concerned. The biggest struggle of my life began that day, the struggle between being a person and being a celebrity. There's real difference between the two, unfortunately most people don't realize that.

Reading Harry's words brought back many memories of the years Severus had known Harry. Starting with the first time a short, gaunt, awkward eleven year old Harry Potter walked into his classroom and ending with watching a lean, muscular, adept twenty four year old Harry Potter leave his personal quarters Severus Snape recalled every moment he had ever spent with the man he loved.

Severus spent much of the week in the dungeons working on potions for Poppy Pomfrey when he wasn't monitor the halls during what he called 'Hell Week,' the week between exams and their final results being returned. After the end-of-year feast Severus set off to Godric's Hollow, exactly seven weeks after Harry left.

Harry was sitting at the table writing yet again when he heard a knock on the door. He smiled uneasily when it realized it was his lover. "I haven't figured anything out yet."

"Then what exactly is this?"

"Words on parchment," he answered coolly.

"I would say it's an autobiography, Mr. Potter," Severus smirked.

"I thought we agreed you would quit calling me Mr. Potter after seventh year ended."

Severus could not answer. The lips of his lover crashed upon his begging for attention. He slightly bit Harry's lower lip before capturing his tongue up with his own. With one searing kiss their fight was over. Of course they still had a lot to talk about but the two men knew all would be forgiven.

Severus Snape had figured it out, Harry Potter was writing his autobiography. He was writing a book that would become a bestseller in every wizard bookstore. He was also writing what would some day set him free from the burden of being the Boy Who Lived. Harry dedicated his book to the memory of Ron Weasley, the best friend who would never understand.

Harry went on to write several books, including Genius or Madman: The Biography of Albus Dumbledore, Salazar Slytherin: Monster or Misunderstood, The Rise and Fall of Voldemort, and the Mayhem and Misadventures series for the younger wizard.