Forsaken

Eighteen

In which boys cuddle.

'So many ashes!'

'Well, it is a fireplace, Sirius.'

'It ruins the look, that's all.'

'There's no one here to admire you, Sirius. No one here save me and my guardians.'

'Are they not part of the welcome brigade?'

I shook my head, 'they went out to the garden, muttering something about Weed B Gone.' I looked at him, he was still standing by the fireplace, his bag and trunk laying at his feet. 'Let's get your things upstairs.'

'Just leave my trunk, if that's okay... it's safer here than...' I nodded and guided him to the stairs.

'There're only two bedrooms, I hope you don't mind sharing...' I trailed off.

'Yeah, Moony, it's been four years and I still can't stand sleeping in the same room as you! You make so much noise when you sleep, you make Jim and Pete sound like mice.'

'I sense a note of sarcasm.'

'Sarcasm? Me? Never!' he grinned, ''sides, I'm serious - er, you know what I mean - about the sharing thing, it'll be just like school. Only without the obnoxious snoring.'

I rolled my eyes, 'how have I ever lasted a summer without your snide comments?'

'I have no idea.'

After he stowed his things in my room, I showed him Quin and Rian's room as well as the upstairs loo, and then I led him downstairs, pointing out places as we went. There was no sign of my guardians, and it had started raining outside. Always stays the same, nothing ever changes, English summer rain, seems to last for ages. I went through to the back door and halted. My cheeks turned red as I saw the two of them snogging, a cauldron of Weed B Gone lay at their feet - long forgotten.

'Your guardians, I presume?'

'That's them.'

'It's raining.'

'I honestly doubt they care.' I sighed. As much as I was happy they had each other...

Sirius laughed. 'They seem happy together, though,' he shrugged. Sparing them a last glance, he turned to me, 'how about we get some tea and have you any biscuits?'

'Of course,' I went to the pantry. 'Chocolate chip.'

'Obviously.'

'And some shortbread... Walkers, delicious Muggle ones.'

'Muggle-lover,' Sirius teased as he poked me in the side with his elbow. 'Well, let's try them, then.'

I readied the tea and grabbed the biscuits and we made our way back to the den. We sat on the couch, each cupping a mug in our hands. Granted it was summer, but tea still wins over in a British heart (and I contend that I am British, despite my French heritage). Sirius tried the shortbread and, to my amusement, thoroughly enjoyed them. Serves him right for mocking the Muggles.

It was about twenty minutes later that Quin and Rian made their way in, sopping wet. Rian laughed and did a quick drying charm and Quin refilled the tea. Show-offs. They cuddled in the over-stuffed chair together, both grinning largely.

'Lovely weather, eh?' Sirius smirked.

'Oh, indeed,' Rian nodded. 'Nothing like a good, English rain.' Quin's face started to turn a delightful colour of red and he buried his head in Rian's shoulder. 'Quin, love, they're both old enough to know what we do when we're alone.'

'Have you no shame?'

'No, none at all,' he ran his fingers though Quin's short, brown hair.

'Is this the part where you drain my blood?' Sirius changed the subject, much to my delight and Quin's.

'No, I'll save that for later, blood makes a nice topping on vanilla ice cream,' Quin paused, 'it's the only way I can get Remus to eat vanilla.'

'Human blood doesn't taste the same on chocolate,' I agreed, making a face. 'Eck! Human blood.'

'You sound disgusted,' Rian commented.

'Humans,' I winced, 'why would I want to eat them?'

'Just because some people misconceive werewolves...' Sirius started, his hand squeezed my shoulder comfortingly. 'People are stupid. You're not like what they think you are, Moony. And they're too bloody childish to get close enough to you to really judge you. It's their loss.' I smiled at him, his words touched my heart.

'And vampyres and centaurs and ogres and giants and - '

'You do what you can,' I assured him.

'It's not enough,' he protested.

'Yes it is. Think of where I was.'

'You've done wonders for Moony,' Sirius agreed, helping himself to more shortbread. 'He's healed to the point of violence. He's quite strong, being a werewolf, and his punches smart!'

'And I've the notion you deserved every single one,' Rian commented.

'That's not the point. We all knew I was made out to be a social deviant. But, Remus. No, Remus looks like he's harmless. 'Course, soon as he realises he's something special, we might have to start fighting over all the girls at school. 'Cause he's the only real competition I'll have.'

My breath hitched in my chest and I tried to hide my emotions. I felt Rian and Quin look at me as I tried to form a response. 'I think,' I started, 'having one Gryffindor like you is bad enough. If we make it two... James may have a heart attack.'

'Modest much?'

'I, uh,' I blushed, not for the reason he thought, I assumed.

We had dinner and I passed up my evening cuppa to spend time with Sirius, the two of us went outside in the mist to look at the stars. All-too-soon, it started to rain again and we returned inside and to my bedroom. There we sat on my bed, and just talked. Talked about our Fifth Year. About who would be the Gryffindor prefects, what pranks we would play, the OWLS, the future. About James and about Peter. About him and about me.

'I meant what I said earlier, Moony, you have changed. More so than the rest of us. I mean, you bare no resemblance to the boy I found the first day of First Year.' I didn't know how to reply, so I didn't. 'I'm glad. You've shown us all what a great person you are. You should find a nice girlfriend, I could make some suggestions, go for something long-term. You deserve that.'

'I'm happy with what I have, thank you,' I shook my head, 'besides, I'd have to tell whoever about you know and I don't want to.'

'Not even for the perfect girl.'

'I doubt she exists.'

He grinned and punched me, playfully, on the shoulder, 'the perfect boy then?'

I met his eyes, the beautiful crystal pools, 'if he exists, then I doubt he'd want me, Sirius.'

'He'd be a fool not to.'

The topic changed then, thankfully, and we turned in, the two of us fitting with room to spare in my spacious bed. I lay on my side, facing away from him and towards the window, thinking about our conversation. Damn Sirius anyway. It was hours before I finally fell asleep to the comforting sound of Sirius' breathing. It was a miracle that I managed to not turn to look at him in his sleep. My dreams were of him, though. They always were. They always are. Damn Sirius anyway.

I woke slowly, feeling warmer than I knew I ought. Sirius was pressed against my back, one arm thrown haphazardly across my waist. The coverlets were strewn, twisted about our ankles. He wasn't pressed tightly to me, and yet it was a perfect fit. I cringed. It was going to be the longest fortnight of my life.

Sirius' hold presented me with a dilemma. Did I wait for him to wake? Did I call to him to see if he was awake? Did I jab him awake? And then I had to find out why he was spooning me. Not like I minded.

'Moony?' the arm pulled away as Sirius sat up. ''Sorry about that. 'Guess you're too cuddly to resist.'

'S'okay,' I breathed. More than okay.

'I could get used to that. Waking up next to someone,' he amended.

'Yeah,' I choked.

We actually did our homework for a time. I mean, Sirius hadn't been really able to, and he sat, going through it - I wanted to make sure that he actually did it and all. When he was tucked away, doing a reading, I pulled out a quill and some parchment and began to scribble a quick letter;

Lily,

I've done something completely and utterly foolish. I asked Sirius to come spend a fortnight with me over the hols. Two weeks with Sirius. Only my guardians are here to oversee, and they work most of the day anyway. And... I think he might be, well, a little in need, you know? I woke up this morning, and he was spooned against my back - and I know that he wasn't when I went to sleep. He may be a prat, Lily, but I just wanted to lay there. It felt right. He said that I'll find the right girl--or right boy, as it were--and that I deserve that. But how do I say that I only want him? And what happens if he tries to pair me up with, well, random girls (or boys) come next term? I know you're probably laughing at my sheer stupidity, my absolute infatuation with an hormonal prankster. I would change it if I could, but I can't.

You can't tell him. I think I can trust you with that, right? I just needed someone to whom to fume. Thanks Lily.

Remus

I ran to owl it, and Sirius raised his head. 'Writing a letter to Jim?' he paused, 'remind him that I want to go to his place after I leave here.' I raised an eyebrow. 'He invited me,' he shrugged, 'right about the same time you did. I get to spend two weeks with you and one with him - avoid the Blacks as much as possible.'

Unsure what to say, I took out another piece of parchment and wrote another letter, hoping that Sirius wouldn't decide to over read it;

James,

Sirius is here, but you knew that, right? He wanted me to remind you that he's going to go visit you; I don't think he's left you with much of a choice. He's off doing his homework, and you should do the same. Let's start fresh as Fifth Years, right?

James, Sirius is driving me crazy. Driving the wolf crazy. Maybe you can whack some sense into him, or something? Don't tell him, you can't, knock him one. I heard some people referring to him as "The Gryffinwhore". It was just echoes that I heard, but if it continues as it did... then it will be that bad. James. We can't let him deteriorate to that. For his own good. Honestly, what good would it do him to be belittled like that?

I'll see you in a few weeks, given I survive these two.

Remus

I sent the letter before he had a chance to read it, though he didn't seem too eager to read it anyway.

'So,' Sirius shoved his scrolls in his trunk, 'let's talk about that map of yours.'

'It's almost ready,' I shrugged, 'I mean, the Charm's strong and in place and it seems to work well enough but there's missing parts.'

'What?'

'Missing parts. Like, some things that just aren't on Filch's map. I've been looking for them...'

'But no luck,' Sirius finished. 'Well, I guess that means we have to do some exploring come school?' his eyes widened like a child just given some sweets.

'Of course, we've still got the problem of Filch, the reason I started working on the map. One Cloak and four teenaged boys.'

'I think we'll be able to figure out something when we put our heads together,' he grinned maliciously. He had a plan or an idea. He knew something. Something that he wasn't going to tell me.

Quin and Rian took us to London, Muggle London, a few times. We went to the cinema and to some pubs by the Thames. This was there summer, too, such as it was in England. Sirius flirted with everything when given the chance and my guardians looked at my sympathetically when he did.

It was while we were in London that Sirius and I went shopping. We parted with Quin and Rian, they had to work, and made our way down Oxford Street. 'I need something to wear to Hogsmede and to the Yule Ball. I want to look smashing,' he explained as we went into a clothing store. There was music blasting as we went in and Sirius started ogling clothing. He began picking trousers and tops from racks and I followed him obediently to a changing room. He modelled for me each outfit, and I tried not to drool. All of the clothing fit his body perfectly, leaving little to my overactive imagination. (Thankfully my own trousers were loose.) The snug pants moulded to him and the tops... Good gods!

'Like them?' he said, after about four sets. I nodded. 'I think I'll get the lot. 'Need some shoes, though. We can go somewhere else for that.' He left his selection at the cashier counter before he tugged on my wrist. And started looking again at the clothing. Then he looked at me. Cautiously he picked out a few trousers and a few tops. Then he thrust them at me and shoved me in the dressing room. 'Try them, Moony.'

'I...'

'I'm buying - I took some galleons from dad's purse and Quin helped me change it. I don't know exactly how the conversions work, but if the numbers add up I have much more than enough to pay.'

'I don't know if I can get into these.'

'They're supposed to be tight, Remus. They'll look good, promise.'

I grumbled before pulling on a pair on some black leather-looking trousers, they were a bit looser than they had looked, well not as tight as Sirius' had been... And the top was a poet's shirt of an emerald green. It pulled the amber of my eyes and the gold of my hair in. I cautiously stepped out, Sirius whistled.

'Told you, Moony.'

I tried on a few more outfits, Sirius liked them, the other trousers weren't as tight and the other shirts were tighter. I liked the first best. Sirius did, too. Merlin!

Sirius paid and we left. Next door we picked up a pair of black, leather boots. We walked about, Sirius had no qualms about spending his esteemed father's money. For obvious reasons.

'I've an idea.' He grinned and grabbed my wrist and pulled me down a side street. We ducked into an inconspicuous shop, I didn't register the name. Inside looked a bit like a Muggle torture chamber. Picture catalogues hanging on the wall, displays of what I assumed was jewellery. 'We're here for some piercings,' he announced. A man stood. He smiled, cheerfully and I wilted. 'I want my ears done; lobes. Moony?' he turned to me.

'Um, no,' gulp, 'thank you.'

'Moony!' he glanced at the piercer, telling him to wait for a moment, 'it won't hurt, much, we can get Quin to Heal it later, if you like.'

'Sirius!'

'Think of it as degrading to the Black Empire.'

'No.'

'Yes.'

'You can't make me!'

He grinned.

He grinned and he went to the piercer and whispered something in his ear. The man nodded and beckoned us to a side room. He sat Sirius down, stuck a large needle in Sirius' right ear, and then pulled a silver loop through. Surgical steel, he assured us. Can't be allergic to it. He said. He did the same with the left. To my delight, Sirius did flinch a bit, but he looked in the mirror on the wall. 'Brilliant!'

'Now, you, take your shirt off.'

'My what?'

'Your shirt, take it off.'

'Just do it, Moony.'

Reluctantly I obeyed and he pushed me on to the bench Sirius was sitting on, though I laid down. I couldn't stop him as the needle went through my skin and left a small, double jewelled, green barbell sitting in my navel.

'Sirius!'

'Let's have a look!' I stood, looking in the mirror, completely unsure what to make of it. 'Nice,' he nodded. 'Very nice. I like green, it looks good on you.'

Sirius paid and we left.

That was the highlight of his visit. Many mornings I woke with Sirius' arms (and ofttimes legs) around me. Sometimes he used me as a human pillow, I'd be on my back and he'd lie across my chest. A few days after we went piercing, he cautiously pulled at my barbell, assuring me that it was 'smashing'.

The fortnight past. Sirius left to go to the Potters' country house. He was all smiles and promises that we'd see each other soon enough. If he and James didn't kill each other. But when he left, he got me thinking. 'Moony,' he smiled, as he stepped into the fireplace, 'James, Peter and I have a birthday present for you. It's something big. We haven't forgotten, but it has to wait until we're back at school.' He winked. 'You'll love it.' And then he was gone.

Chapter Nineteen

In which changes occur.

While the common belief is that werewolves hunt just as their true-wolf cousins do, this is misleading. Werewolves, during the full moon, should not be around humans as they will give the fatal bite, turning him into a werewolf like himself. However, werewolves show no desire to hunt other animals. Gorial Chion performed a study in which he left werewolf volunteers with undisclosed names in a closed area with small animals that would usually be prey to a wolf. All of the animals came out unharmed, if not terrified.

'What?' I looked in the article in my hand. It was a clipping from Magick Today. It was yellowed and crumbled. It was my birthday present from Sirius, James and Peter.

'We found this Second Year,' Sirius explained, 'after we found out, we did a lot of research.'

'We wanted to know more,' James added.

'We wanted to help you,' Peter added.

'I don't understand...'

We had arrived at Hogwarts that night, and we were sitting around our room. We were huddled on Sirius' bed, the curtains were closed and we had James' wand as a light. The fortnight before school had passed and with it my transformation. I received my letter, and this one, much like my letter from First Year, was something special. Much to my surprise (but not that of the other Marauders) I was named Gryffindor Prefect along with Lily. So I rode on the train with her and not with the others. I went to a meeting with the other prefects after dinner.

'We can't cure you, Moony, but we can help make it better for you. We decided that we wanted to be with you during the moons,' Sirius continued, 'but we couldn't do it as we are. It was McGonagall that gave us the idea.'

'McGonagall?'

'She's an Animagus,' Peter supplied.

I blinked.

'It was the link that we needed,' James concluded. 'We decided that if we were Animagi -- '

'Animagi?'

'You're sounding awful like a parrot,' Sirius commented.

'You... for... Animagi?' I choked.

'We've been working at it since Second Year, and we finished it up, perfected it last night. That's why we went to James'. Sorry we've not told you, but we didn't want to disappoint you if we failed.'

'I... how? It's... For me? I... what?'

Sirius nodded proudly. 'Jimmy is a stag; a regular old white hart. And Pete is a proud member of the rodent family of Rattus.'

'He means I'm a brown rat,' Peter winced.

'Rattus sounds more sophisticated.'

'And you are?'

'A black dog,' James supplied studying my reaction. Which was a gape, by the way.

'We can overwhelm Jim and Pete with our canine superiority,' he grinned toothily. He switched then, it was the most amazing thing I've ever seen. There was a big, black dog in his place. And said dog pounced on me and licked my cheek and wagged his tail. Peter went next, and he crawled around and twitched his nose.

'I'd change, but I'd be too big to try it here.'

'Merlin! James!' my arms came up around Sirius' other form and I hugged his neck. And tussled his thick fur. A few minutes later, he changed back, and Peter changed back as well.

'This solves another problem as well,' Sirius pointed out, 'with three of us in animal form, you can use James' Cloak and we can explore for your map. Quickly, too. And finish it for usage.'

'So you can abuse my prefecthood?'

'Something like that, yes.'

I shook my head, 'I... I just don't get it'

'What's to get, Moony?' Sirius raised an eyebrow. 'We're best mates, the four of us, naturally we want to help each other out, right?'

Prefects had to go to prefect meetings, to state the obvious. Neither Lily nor I knew the others that well, save Rosier who was the Slytherin boy prefect (not that they really had anyone worthwhile from which to choose. We tended to sit by the Ravenclaw prefects of our year. Conner Benthat and Perri Baxley. We knew them from class and from sightings in the halls, but we actually got a chance to talk and both Lily and I enjoyed it.

As promised I used the Cloak to explore the grounds with the others in their animal forms. I had picked up a few clues as to alter locations and tunnels from other prefects and we were all itching to find them out. As it happened, there were three paths to Hogsmede that we could take, including the much-used one to the Shack, and several hiding places throughout the school. There was one room that we all found quite interesting. I swear I had been there before, when I needed to vent, but it was perfectly suited to our needs at the time, that was, it contained some more locations for our map within a map of its own. Unfortunately, it was not placed on the map. I've been there several more times, and I may mention that later, and I am of the belief that most students visit it at some time or another.

'Here goes nothing,' I raised my wand and prepared to start the incantation.

'Waitaminute!' Sirius grabbed my hand. 'How's this going to work?'

'Our names and the names of anyone we need to find will be on there - especially Filch, Mrs. Norris and Dumbledore.'

'Our names?' Sirius repeated.

'Yes.'

'What if the map falls into, you know, unwanted hands? Could we, say, put nicknames on there?'

'Nicknames?'

'Like "Moony".'

'I'm the only one with a nickname, really. Or, one that's not entirely obvious.'

'We can make some - based off of our animals,' Sirius replied, as if it were the most clear answer in the world.

'Right,' James nodded, 'Sirius can be "Dog Breath" and I'll be "Hooves" and Peter can be "Hand Held".'

'Funny, Jim.'

'What about... "Prongs"?' Peter suggested, 'because of his antlers.'

James nodded in agreement, 'then Sirius is "Padfoot".'

'Alright...' I looked at Peter.

'What's so definable about a rat?'

'A rodent of the familia Rattus,' Sirius corrected.

Peter groaned.

'His tail!' James grinned triumphantly. 'It's like a worm.'

'It's disturbing.'

'"Wormtail"!'

'Okay then,' I surmised, '"Prongs", "Padfoot", and "Wormtail".'

'And "Moony",' Sirius added. "You're one of us, too.'

'Yes, and "Moony".' I carried through with the incantation, and I saw the four of us circled in our room. 'When we've finished, "mischief managed" hides the map. "I solemnly swear I am up to no good" shows the map.'

Sirius wore his outfits, but then I knew he would. He saved them for Hogsmede, usually, to impress his dates. He had little tubes in his ears, he said they were 'zero gauge double flare tunnels'. They were very cool. His 'dating' was getting out of hand. He was gone until insane hours during the night. I would stay awake until he came in, so I took to closing my bed-curtains so Sirius wouldn't know that I was awake. But I was. He would slip in, and fumble in the dark before he curled in his bed. He always reeked of his current girl- or boyfriend. My jealously piqued.

To escape my jealously, I spent a lot of time in the prefects' bathroom. It wasn't often in use and I was able to soak in the bath alone, without the restraints of the outside world. The ghosts that frequented the bathroom left me alone, deciding after a while that I wasn't fun to talk to. They thought I was crazy--Loony Lupin. I suppose that makes sense - I spent much of the time talking aloud to myself or not talking to anyone at all. I filled the bath with a mixture of soaps that I perfected and just let the heat consume me.

James and Sirius had mutually decided to become Aurors and to make our lives living hells. Well, as to the latter, I doubt they knew what they were doing. Peter was fascinated enough, but it drove me crazy. James' horrible messy excuse for hair was "styled" impishly to resemble what Lily called 'broomstick hair'. Sirius' hair fell to his shoulders and was cut unevenly, though intentionally so. He bushed it continuously. He was the Peacock of us all, including the girls, he rose when I did and followed me to the prefects' bathroom (without asking, I might add) and, when I went to eat breakfast with the girls and finish some studying, Sirius went to do himself up. It took him some time and he came to class right before the bell.

'Prongsy,' Sirius cooed, 'give me your Defence notes.'

'Moony has them,' he waved Sirius off towards my desk. It had been full moon the night before and I missed class - I usually just copied James' notes on those days. Those were, of course, the only day James took notes thoroughly. Go figure.

'Moooony,' he leaned over, 'are you almost done with those?'

'Not quite,' I replied, 'but if you were paying attention in class, you wouldn't need them.'

'Too busy.'

'With what?' I blinked.

'My nails,' he deadpanned.

'After all, the Gryffinwhore must keep up his appearances,' James droned and Sirius scowled.

'Don't call him that,' I defended. Sirius said nothing. He had gotten used to the nickname, albeit unwillingly. 'Here,' I gave him James' notes, silently and he took them.

Okay, so they wanted to be Aurors, I wanted to be a teacher (honestly, what else was I qualified to do? Dumbledore had offered me a place in Hogwarts, and I was sure that he would allow me to teach if I asked). Peter, well. Peter just wanted to pass.

I started studying very early in the year. I had read all my books from cover to cover before school had even begun and I went through them again and again, and then I read my own notes and supplementary texts. I was convinced that I was going to do horribly on it. Sirius, Remus, James, Lily... Baxley and Benthat all assured me that I would do fine. Better than fine.

The moons. Wow. Sirius was, without a doubt, the best companion of the three. He was the most fit to frolic with Moony - by this time we often used our nicknames to refer to our other selves. I felt better after the moon. I didn't have as many cuts and scrapes. Moony liked the arrangement. According to James, Padfoot played suspiciously well with Moony - I have only a vague remembrance of the wolf's activities. James said that it was like Padfoot had embraced what Sirius would not (that Sirius and I were meant for each other). I told him to stop being such a dolt.

'Going to the Ball again, Remus,' Lily asked me casually one morning at breakfast. Jemmying and Kent weren't there, as it was a Saturday and they were asleep.

'I don't think I've much of a choice,' I replied. 'Sirius bought me an outfit that he told me I'm to wear during the event.'

'Oh? And what is he wearing?'

My eyes went starred. 'Just about the sexiest outfit ever.' I explained it and she nodded her approval. 'It's... amazing, Lily. And... and I have to watch him in it all night.'

'You could go with him,' she suggested.

'Yeah, right.'

She shrugged. 'It was just a suggestion, take it or leave it. Besides, if you go with Sirius, who will be my date?' I blinked. 'I'm being forced to go this year. If I'm to go, I'll like to go with the best bloke there.' She paused, 'what are you wearing? If Sirius picked it, I don't want my date to be prettier than me.' I told her and she whistled. 'Very nice.'

'Mm, Sirius said he thought so, too. Of course, he bought it with his father's money.'

'Maybe he does have a crush on you.'

'I doubt it.'

'It's possible.'

'Yet unlikely.'

I shook my head. 'I'm off to study, want to join me?'

'Like you actually need to study,' she laughed but followed me to the library anyway. We met Baxley there - she insisted at that point that I call her by name - and I enjoyed thoroughly the study session that turned into a theoretical discussion about the reliability of divinations. Ah, intelligent conversation!