You Blinked, I Win

You Blinked. I Win.

Remus Lupin was sat at one of the cherry wood tables in the Gryffindor common room, his Magical Creatures homework laid out before him, with the appearance that it was just hit by a small hurricane. It was late and everyone had gone off to bed, so his only companions were the flicker of candlelight, the squeak of the quill, and one, Sirius Black, grinning like he had just won the world's weight in galleons on his lottery card. So enthralled was Lupin with his work that he didn't even realise Sirius was sitting across from him until he started searching for a paper he'd lost. Lupin started sifting about the loose sheets of parchment and found it wedged under Sirius' elbow, which was holding his chin up. If it was to keep his tongue from rolling out and across his work or his head from falling over, he did not know.

"I thought you had gone to bed. Can you move?" Sirius didn't respond, but he did shift his weight so Lupin could slide the paper out. Lupin looked up since his question hadn't been answered. Sirius didn't exactly look like the cat who had just swallowed the canary. More of the cat who was wondering if he should stir fry or steam bake the song bird. Oh, the possibilities.

"What are you staring at?" Lupin asked before returning to his work.

"Nothing," Sirius said. He then erupted into a fit of the 'heeheehee's, which weren't exactly snickers, and weren't exactly giggles, but often used by evil people who just thought of something a very nasty trick to pull.

"Too much butterbeer again?"

"I'm pissed on something else," Sirius admitted.

"What then?

"Heeheeheeheehee."

"Sirius, go to bed." But Sirius did not go to bed. As a matter of fact, he continued to stare straight at him. Lupin forgot about Sirius' presence until later.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Why are you staring at me?"

"I feel like it."

"Sirius, go away."

"Why?"

"It's annoying, that's why!"

"Can't concentrate?"

"No!"

"Me neither."

"Then go to bed."

"But you're not done yet."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Oh, I don't know."

"Sirius, let me work."

"All right." Silence. Lupin tried to work, but after two minutes of trying to spell Jabberwocky correctly, he gave up and slapped his quill down. It was very hard to concentrate when heavy breathing came from the other side of the table. Jet black hair, fine jaw line, and eyes that told more secrets and lies than Knockturn's tricksters, allied themselves with the breathing and Lupin's growing libido.

"J-A-B-" Sirius started.

"Shut up."

"I'm only trying to help."

"Shut up."

"All right."

"What do you want?"

"..."

"Sirius!"

"You told me to shut up." Sirius was having far too much fun with Lupin's lack of patience at early hours.

"Answer me. Now."

"Nothing, really."

"Bollocks."

"So eager, Remus," Sirius grinned, running his tongue along his uppers, "I was hoping this would take longer."

"Bugger off. I'm trying to work."

"What do you think I'm trying to do?"

"Sirius, for all the dancing sugar plums in Hogsmeade, go to bed. I need to finish this paper."

"Do it later."

"I can't."

"Why?"

"It's due in eight hours?"

"So?"

"Sirius, if you do not stop bothering me, I will very unpleasant things to your reproductive organs." Silence from the other end. Lupin picked up his quill again and continued to write, full enwrapped with his work. He was just finishing a paragraph on toves, when a voice spoke.

"What kinds of things?"

"Sirius..." Lupin clenched a fist, snapping his quill in two.

"Yes?" Sirius tried to sound innocent, but it was quite difficult to do so when your mouth was full of bird.

"Was that out of fury or something else?" Lupin snatched up his wand and stormed to the other side of the table. He really-very-much-yes-please-I-want-some-more-Sir wanted to do something else when he got over to Sirius' side, but he stuck to anger. Lupin seized Sirius by his black tie, and dragged him so they were nose to nose. It was almost unbearable now.

"Sirius Black, if you do not leave me alone this very instant, I will take this wand," He held it up, "insert it some place very unpleasant and send more fireworks up there than any Indian shaman could dream of." Sirius ran his fingers along the wand. Lupin worked very hard to keep his gaze, and succeeded. Perspiration was a completely different story.

"Are you sure you wouldn't rather put something else up there?" Lupin had no time to respond since Sirius kissed him smack on the mouth. The force in which Sirius had attacked sent Lupin flying back and the two under the table. Sirius started to do very creative things with his tongue when Lupin picked up a smell.

"Sirius, I thought you hated strawberries." That was when Lupin realised that he had forgotten to carry the two and got the answer he was looking for.

"Snape's selling the aphrodisiacs again, isn't he?" Sirius looked up and grinned.

"Happy Valentine's Day, love."

TWO DAYS LATER

Snape didn't like openly counting his money in public, but he felt very pleased with the amount he'd made over the holiday. He was sat cross-legged before one of the coffee tables, piles of galleons, sickles, and knuts were carefully balanced, marked and stacked in small sections. He had taken up an entire table in the Slytherin common room, but that wasn't his problem. On a normal day, Snape would have felt dirty for doing some good for his fellow classmates, but he had done so illegally and gained a profit, putting every drug dealer west of the Atlantic Ocean to shame.

Lucius strode into the common room, doing his 'cower, brief mortals' walk, even though Snape was the only person in the room. Snape caught sight of the curtain of blonde walking in his direction and got some very evil ideas in his head.

"Afternoon, Lucius," Snape said, marking down the amount he'd gotten from the Evans girl in his book.

"Afternoon, Severus."

"No bird on your shoulder today?"

"She's in class."

"Ah, really." Snape didn't care if Narcissa was in class or in Hell. She was out of the room and that's what mattered. All he cared about at the moment was if Lucius' train of thought was on the same track as his. Lucius bent down and picked up a crystal bottle of pink liquid, that looked like nasty children's medicine, which any self-respecting adolescent would turn down if arsenic was another option.

"Severus, what in Eustache's name is this?"

"Nothing in particular. I've been experimenting with some of the secretions of-"

"Love Bugs, Cupids Arrows, and," Lucius had uncapped a bottle and was sniffing its contents, "cinnamon?" Snape mentally paddled himself and thought of a response.

"I was going to say Newt's Eye, Dog's Tongue, and cayenne pepper." Lucius gave Snape a Look. Both had an awful time trying not to smile.

"Really. Tell me, since when does cayenne pepper smell like Goyle's shampoo?"

"I wouldn't know."

"And Dog's Tongue is the same colour as Bubble Gum Wands?"

"I've never had them."

"And you're selling aphrodisiacs again, aren't you, Severus Snape?"

"I'm making more than all the opium dealers combined."

"Fascinating."

"How long does Narcissa have class?"

"I'm supposed to care? Cheers." Lucius knocked the small bottle back and put the bottle back on the desk.

"My money's in my room. I'll just be a moment, Severus." Lucius went back to his bedroom and completely disregarding the four hours he had spent organising the money, Snape swept the coins into a sack by his side and started de-assembling his scales.

"Do you need any help looking?" He called to Lucius.

"All I can get!" Severus double checked above and below the table to make sure he had everything, and went to go assist Lucius. Severus hated helping his classmates, but he could always make a few exceptions.