Leader of the Pack

Leader of the Pack

By Ashley Donnan

"There was nothing you could have done," she said soothingly, placing a hand on his arm. He relaxed beneath her touch, the muscles in his wiry frame loosening. It seemed as though his entire being sighed in release. Then she embraced him from behind, nestling her head at the nape of his neck, her pink stark against his sandy brown.

"You didn't see his eyes," he murmured, "The way he looked at me when he found out I was an Order spy. He called me Dumbledore's pet dog. And he was right to say it. He was right." At this he walked away from her, and she released her grasp on his tattered jumper. He wandered towards the grimy window. With his emaciated hands inside his pockets he stared unseeingly into the summer night, his mind getting tangled in dark thoughts once more.

"Shouldn't I fight for freedom?" he asked her abruptly over his shoulder.

"'Course," was her immediate reply.

"Shouldn't I fight for my freedom?"

He leaned heavily against the rotting window frame in the struggling silence that followed.

"When do I stop being indebted to Dumbledore? When do I stop owing him for the life I have now and start owing it to myself to strive for a better one? Matthias didn't believe in this blood war, he followed Voldemort out of loyalty to himself. Something that, as a Gryffindor, I have been taught to abhor, and in which I find myself severely lacking."

"You're always too hard on yourself."

"Matthias was the closest thing I've had to a brother since Sirius. And he knew me in a way that the others never did. The way he talked about it, our rights - and he talked constantly - it made me feel ashamed of what I was working for."

"You are working for good, not selfish goals. You're in this for everyone in the Wizarding World, not just one group of wizards. You're in this for Harry, Remus Lupin, remember that."

"Nothing's going to change after the war. Yes, more people will have died but no one's opinion of my kind will have changed. Matthias was Harry's age when he was turned," he added as an afterthought.

"Your kind? You've been spending too much time up in those mountains - he killed an Auror, for Merlin's sake. I know he didn't have much choice but- "

"He killed a representative of a Ministry which has trodden on him since the day he was bitten," he growled.

"It could have been Kingsley! He was attacking a muggle girl when they found him, wasn't he?" she retorted hotly. "So, what? Have you decided to jump the fence now?" she derided. "Voldemort's not going to give a werewolf the right to piss if he wins this war - and he's not going to win," she added fiercely.

"I don't know," he replied, to everything.

Her tone softened. "Remus, you are good. How could you ever doubt that?"

He swallowed. "I'm not the cursed angel everyone makes me out to be." He turned around to face her, hoping that she would be the first to understand. "Behind the monster, there is a man, Nymphadora. Not a saint. Just a bitter; jealous; selfish man."

He glanced away, feeling himself tremble with emotion.

"Remus, come on now," came a familiar, tender voice.

He lifted his haggard face to the sight of his mother, who frowned at him in concern.

"Don't try to manipulate me, Nymphadora," he warned the woman.

His mother pursed her lips, "I thought you'd listen to your mother more than me."

Remus exhaled; then retrieved his coat from a crooked nail in the wall.

"Where are you going?" asked Nymphadora, her hair pink once more, looking at him with wide eyes.

"Back to the wolf camps, Dumbledore wants me to stay for at least another month," he answered, smearing a red sticky liquid over his hands and face. "Don't worry, I'll come back here again before the next full moon." He used both hands to muss up his hair more than it already was, before turning to the young witch for her opinion.

Her eyes were sad. "You look like you've just bitten someone."

Flashing her a wolfish grin that didn't reach his brown eyes, he said, "That is the plan."

He reflexively moved forward to kiss her, but as she stepped away from him he stopped himself. "And besides," Remus said rigidly, "Someone has to tell them what happened to Matthias, he was our leader, you know."

"And who's going to lead them now, the ones who aren't like Greyback?"

Remus gave her a look, and then Disapparated with a pop.