Closing the Book

Third Year

There they were, the first day of third year, embracing on the platform. His mother had taken the picture without any of the boys noticing, and they still hadn't noticed. Over thirty years later, the figures were still standing there, hugging, laughing, telling stories and jokes, oblivious to the fact that Remus was watching them. That was the funny thing about wizard photos, Remus thought: even when people were dead they lived on in their pictures, caught in a single moment, not knowing they were dead. It was actually a rather disconcerting thought. Remus let it go and lost himself in the picture, trying to be like photo-Remus, living in a single moment.

* * *

"Remus!" Sirius spotted him first and jumped like an oversized dog, wrapping his arms around Remus's neck and nearly knocking him over. "Did you miss me?" he asked, smiling brilliantly.

"I thought I did," Remus replied, "but now you're strangling me, I'm not so sure."

Sirius grinned sheepishly and detatched himself. "Sorry."

James attacked next, nearly lifting Remus off the ground.

"You've grown," Remus commented.

"Yeah, and I worked out a lot. Maybe I'll get Seeker this year!"

"Not to dampen your hopes mate, but Will Richards is still here. They don't need a new Seeker," Sirius said.

"Pah," said James, choosing, as usual, to ignore the facts.

"Maybe you could be backup Seeker?" Peter suggested.

"I am James Potter. I am no one's backup."

"Oh, please," muttered Remus. "Just think what Lily would do if she heard you saying that."

"Is she around?" James asked hopefully.

"No," said Sirius, glancing around. "Tough luck, mate."

"Good luck, more like," Remus said quietly to Peter, who giggled.

James shrugged. "Well mates," he said dramatically, somehow managing to throw his arms around all three of them, "Hogwarts awaits."

* * *

Sirius had been right about Quidditch, of course. The Gryffindor team hadn't even held try-outs that year, and James had been furious. He'd gotten over it eventually though.

Remus no longer felt tired. He'd gotten to the point where he might as well stay up all night, because it wouldn't make a difference if he went to bed; he'd be just as tired in the morning. Losing himself in pictures made him feel young again. He was young, confident, and smart. James and Sirius were still alive. Peter wasn't a servant of the Dark Lord. Life was good. Especially Arithmancy.

* * *

"Is that our teacher?" James whispered.

The Marauders-- and the rest of the class, for that matter-- were staring at the young woman sitting behind the teacher's desk. She had waist-length, straight blond hair and a perfect face. Her nose curved just right, her lips were exactly the right shape and colour, and she wore just enough make-up to accentuate her soft green eyes. She was an idol, a shrine to perfection. And she was their teacher?

"Good morning class!" the vision said brightly, smiling a perfect smile.

Remus noticed Peter's mouth hanging open, and shut it for him. Peter didn't seem to notice, but at least his mouth stayed closed.

"I'm your new Arithmancy teacher, Professor Hannigan. This is my first class as well as yours; I just got my license last year-"

"How old is she?" James whispered.

"Do you have a question, Mr...?"

"Potter, James Potter, Professor," James said, somehow reminding Remus of the James Bond films his father took him to see in the Muggle cinema. "I er... wanted to know... if we're going to learn about integral periods and the application of Arithmancy in practical magic this year or later on."

Sirius snorted.

Professor Hannigan smiled. "We'll see, Mr. Potter. It depends on how quickly you learn. Are there any other questions?"

Sirius, who was sharing a desk with Remus, whispered very quietly: "Yeah, will you go out with James?"

Professor Hannigan didn't notice, but Remus smiled.

* * *

He smiled again now, looking at the picture of the pretty young Professor. James had been over her in a week and back to Lily, but Peter had taken longer. She had left Hogwarts two years later and gone to teach in America. Remus had always wondered if it had anything to do with all the boys in class fancying her. Even Severus Snape had been caught staring dreamily at her a few times.

Snape was one of the most confusing people in Remus's life. He was someone you hated on sight: slimy, glaring, all in black; and yet once you got past the bad manners and slime he wasn't all that horrible. Maybe he played favourites, but who didn't? Remus couldn't deny occasionally favouring the Gryffindors in his classes. McGonagall, perhaps, managed to treat all her students equally, but McGonagall managed a lot of things that other people didn't. She had always been Remus's favourite teacher. He had the feeling he wouldn't have liked Snape any more as a teacher than as a student, but he still had to admit that the man was actually a very intelligent, mostly good-hearted person. He had saved Harry from Quirrell, risked his life several times against Voldemort, and nearly managed to keep Remus's secret. He had even helped Remus by making the Wolfsbane Potion every month. That would never have happened in their schooldays.

* * *

The first official Hogsmeade weekend, the Marauders stayed behind. "It'll be horribly crowded," James pointed out. "And besides, it's not anything new."

Remus could only agree. The had been sneaking into Hogsmeade since January of first year, when James and Sirius had found the first passageway. "What are we going to do then?" he asked.

"Don't you have any studying to do?" James asked innocently. "Essays to improve? Books to read?"

"Ha ha," Remus said dryly. "I finished it all last night while you three were setting off Dungbombs by the Slytherin Common Room."

"We could set off more!" James suggested hopefully. "You really missed out there, Remus, it was excellent!"

Remus shook his head. "Absolutely not. You three smelled worse than Snivellus when you were done.

"How would you know what Snivellus smells like?" Sirius demanded.

"Potions partner last year," Remus muttered, suddenly ashamed at having insulted Snape. Still, he supposed, Snape made fun of him every day. Fair was fair.

"Let's just take a walk then," Peter said. Not the most resourceful idea, but at least it got them out of the Common Room.

Of course, they just had to run into Snape.

"Snivellus!" James cried, sounding far too ecstatic for Remus's taste.

Snape looked like a rat trapped in a corner by a gang of cats. A slimy rat. The metaphor was really quite a good one, Remus thought. Except that James was actually rather fond of rats.

"Where are you off to?" James asked.

"None of your business," Snape growled. It didn't sound very threatening though, as his voice hadn't changed yet. Remus often wished that one day Snape wouldn't take the bait, James would decide he was boring, and they could all happily ignore each other for the rest of their time at Hogwarts. Not that it was ever going to happen.

"I'll tell you where you ought to go," James said; "to the showers. Honestly Snivellus, have you ever bathed in your life? It must take work to get as slimy as you are."

Snape looked ready to explode. "Furnunculus!" he yelled, his wand appearing out of nowhere.

James dodged the spell (he probably would make a good Seeker one day), and it hit the wall behind him, chipping off a piece of stone. "Ooh, angry, are we?" James produced his own wand. "Expelliarmus!"

Snape didn't have James's reflexes: his wand flew out of his hand and into Peter's face. Snape pounced-

"Petrificus Totalus," Sirius said lazily, and Snape landed (almost) harmlessly on top of Peter.

"It's not nice to attack people," James chided Snape.

"Especially for no reason," Sirius added.

Well, he did have a reason, Remus thought, but he didn't say anything.

* * *

In retrospect, he should have said something. It would have saved him a lot of guilty feelings, and perhaps Snape wouldn't hate him so much now. But he couldn't change the past, all he could do was relive it. He turned another page. The picture showed him, sitting in a hospital bed after a particularly bad night, with his friends around him.

* * *

"How's your mum?" Peter asked.

"What?"

"Your mum. You said she was ill again."

"Oh, that." Remus swallowed nervously. "She's doing much better now."

"Why are you in the Hospital Wing again?" James asked.

"I er... think I must have caught something from my mum. I felt ill when I got back, so I came straight here. Madam Pomfrey's fixed me up all right though." He smiled to show that he was feeling fine.

Sirius stamped his foot and stood up. "Remus, quit it with this nonsense. We know."

Remus didn't answer.

"You don't have to lie to us anymore. We know."

"Know what?" Remus asked stiffly.

"We know why you're ill every month. What your big secret is. Why you said your parents thought you wouldn't be able to come here. We know." Sirius, who had been pacing, stopped and looked Remus in the eye. "How thick do you think we are? You're a werewolf."

A million thoughts ran through his head. He could deny it and hope they believed him, convince them that it was just a coincidence and their suspicions were totally untrue, but somehow he knew that would never work. He could fight with them, threaten them that if they ever told he'd attack them in the night. He could try to win them back, tell them that werewolves weren't so bad and hope they would still be his friends. He could break down and cry, which was really the most tempting option. He settled for rolling over so they couldn't see his face and not saying anything. Maybe they would just go away and pretend they'd never known him.

"Remus?" Sirius said softly. "Is something wrong?"

"What do you think?" Remus asked roughly.

"Okay, bad question."

"Go away."

"We don't want to," Peter said.

Remus glared at his pillow. "Yes you do. Who wants to hang out with a werewolf?"

"We do," James said. "Remus, we don't care if you're a werewolf or not."

"You're still Remus," Peter added. "You're still our mate. We just don't want you to lie to us."

Sirius put a hand on his shoulder and rolled him over again. "We don't know what we'd do without you," he said.

Remus burst into tears.

* * *

It had taken them a full week to convince him that they really were still his friends. It had been positively the worst week of Remus's life, but now he was glad it had happened. He had known, afterwards, that they were true friends, for better or for worse, and that they would never betray him. Or so he'd thought, until that night nearly fifteen years ago. He found himself crying again, and turned the page. At last, he found a happy memory. It was Christmas, and they'd all been invited to James's house. They were laughing under the tree, because the Potters' cat had smashed an ornament and scared herself so badly she had crashed into Peter in her haste to escape.

* * *

"Your cat is bloody stupid," Peter said, still fighting for breath.

"Stop making fun of Lily and-"

"You named your cat Lily?" Sirius howled, his voice higher pitched than normal.

James blushed. "It's a nice name," he insisted, trying to defend himself.

"Does Lily the cat hate you as much as Lily the witch?" Sirius asked.

"Lily the cat loves me, thank you very much."

"You are hopelessly desperate, James," Remus said.

"Shut up and open your presents," James grumbled.

* * *

They had obliged gladly, but Lily the cat was not forgotten. Not for a long time. Lily herself had found it quite amusing later on. The next picture, still under the tree, showed James gesturing wildly, Sirius looking excited, Remus looking sceptical, and Peter... well, Peter wasn't in the picture, because he'd taken it, but if Remus remembered right he'd been looking worried. He remembered that moment like it had been yesterday.

* * *

"Hey Moony, why are you so moody?" Sirius asked.

"Tomorrow's the full moon," Remus replied. "I'll have to go home."

"That pretty much sucks," James said.

"I'm used to it." Remus made a face. "Still sucks though."

"I wish we could help somehow," Peter said sadly.

"Oy, I've got an idea!" James exclaimed, obviously very excited. "Listen to this- why don't we all become Animagi? Werewolves don't attack animals, so we could stay with Moony and he wouldn't be alone and..." He stopped. "What? Don't you think it's a good idea?"

"You can't become Animagi in one day," Remus said. "Besides, it's really hard, and only fully qualified wizards should even try. You might mutate yourselves."

"We're smart," James said. "I'm the best in our year at Transfiguration. Even better than Lily."

"I'm just as good as you, I hope you know," Sirius said. "McGonagall just took points off for the time I transfigured Snivellus's robe into a mini skirt."

James waved his hand impatiently. "Doesn't matter. Don't you think we could at least try? For Remus? Maybe we won't manage it for years and years, but at least we'd be trying."

"I'm all for it," Sirius said. "Peter?"

Peter, who did whatever James and Sirius did, nodded enthusiastically. All three turned to Remus.

"Fine," he said. "Try it if you want, but I still have to go home tomorrow."

"We'll give you lots of chocolate," Sirius offered.

"And Butterbeer!" James yelled.

Remus grinned, and they clobbered him. Typical.

* * *

Remus missed his schooldays now. Most of all he missed his friends. Life wasn't fair, and his seemed especially unfair. He was a werewolf, for starters. He had lost two of his best friends because of another friend's betrayal. And just when he had gotten Sirius back, he'd lost him again. His life was definitely less than fair. Or was it? He thought about Sirius, who had spend a miserable childhood hating and being hated by his family, then lost his best friend and spent twelve years in a horrible prison for a crime he'd never committed, and died minutes before his name would have been cleared so he could come out of hiding. What kind of a life was that? Or Harry, another one with a miserable childhood, whose parents had been murdered, and who now knew that he was the only person in the world capable of killing Lord Voldemort. And Remus thought his life was unfair? Perhaps everything was unfair. Everyone in the world had horrible lives; they just kept going in hopes that it would get better someday. Remus rubbed his temples with his fingers. It was too much to think about, and far too depressing for someone who was already upset. He turned the page to find a new memory.

Remus looked at the next picture: the Shrieking Shack. Although they'd figured out he was a werewolf in November, he hadn't shown them the Shrieking Shack until after Christmas, when they had wanted to sneak into Hogsmeade but found the hump-backed witch passage blocked by a group of teachers.

* * *

"Damn," James said as they walked away. "I really wanted some Butterbeer."

"I know another way," Remus said.

James and Sirius stopped dead. "You? You know another was to get into Hogsmeade?"

Remus shrugged. "The perks of being a werewolf."

"Why didn't you tell us sooner?"

"It's supposed to be a secret."

"Damn the secrets! You knew about a secret passage and we didn't! That's against the entire basis of... everything!" James was obviously quite upset.

"Well, now you know about it."

"Wait a second," Sirius said, "why are you helping us break the rules? You should be trying to talk us out of it, or..."

Remus grinned. "I like Butterbeer."

* * *

A lot of his favourite memories took place in Hogsmeade. The next picture brought back his absolute favourite Hogsmeade memory: the sleepy wizarding village on a snowy night in February, looking picture-perfect.

* * *

"I'm bored," James complained.

"Study something," Remus suggested. "We have three tests this week."

"Yeah, easy tests."

Remus set down his Charms textbook. "We could go into Hogsmeade."

James's eyes brightened, and Sirius snapped out of his doze. "Hogsmeade?" they both said hopefully.

"Are you suggesting we break two rules at once?" James asked. "Unscheduled visit past curfew?"

"It's only eight o'clock."

"Fool yourself, mate. Let's go."

They were off as soon as they'd put on their cloaks, grabbed their money, and stuffed James's invisibility cloak in his schoolbag. Peter, who was still stuck on the Banishing Charm they needed to know for their test the next day, opted to stay behind for more studying, but made them promise to bring back a bottle of Butterbeer.

"I love snowy nights," Sirius said when they emerged from the Shrieking Shack. "Lights, snowflakes, Butterbeer-"

"Snowballs," James added, hitting Sirius in the back of the head with one.

"Not now," Remus pleaded. "Can't we at least get drunk first?"

Sirius and James grinned identically. "With pleasure," Sirius said, grabbing both his friends by the arms and setting off down the hill to the village.

Rosmerta, the owner's pretty teenage daughter who Remus thought had graduated in their first year, frowned at them as they entered the Three Broomsticks. "You three again? Don't you ever come on scheduled visiting days? And where's your other friend?"

"Peter's studying," James answered. "And scheduled days are too crowded. Three Butterbeers, please."

Rosmerta sighed and handed them the bottles. "One of these days I'm going to tell Dumbledore about this."

"Eh, he probably already knows," Sirius said as James handed over the money. "Besides, if we couldn't come here we'd have to go to the Hog's Head."

The bartender smiled and shook her head, pretending to disapprove. "Boys," she muttered.

The boys retreated to their usual table in the corner. "The alcohol content of Butterbeer is not high enough." Sirius complained. "James, give me your cloak."

"What for?"

"I'm going to go get some brandy."

The brandy, of course, got them quite drunk. Skinny thirteen-year-old boys don't hold much liquor. They burst out into the snow, laughing. "I love brandy!" James shouted.

Remus clapped a hand over his mouth. "Shhh! We're not supposed to have brandy."

James wiggled out of his grip and picked up a handful of snow. "Now can we have a snowball fight?"

Being sufficiently drunk, Remus agreed. The snow was still falling, fat flakes that landed softly on his face and sometimes in his eyes, making him blink. The snowy wonderland ended abruptly however, as Sirius hit him in the face with a snowball. Remus spluttered and realised if he didn't get to work he was dead meat. He was methodical, even when he was drunk. He never simply launched a random chunk of snow in the general direction of an opponent, he carefully packed each snowball and took the most accurate aim an intoxicated person can so that not a single one was wasted. James and Sirius played a bit differently. In fact, after a few minutes they gave up on snowballs entirely and started doing something probably best described as snow-wrestling. Remus continued pelting them with snowballs for a while, but finally gave up and joined the wrestling. By the time they stopped he had lost his hat, had snow all down his shirt, and his feet were feeling distinctly not there. He had never had a more wonderful night in his life. "Should we go back to school now?" he wondered.

"What's school?" James asked. "Let's go back to the brandy. I have found my life goal."

"What's that?"

"To be a raving drunk with an infinite supply of snowballs."

Remus giggled. "You'd be good at that..."

* * *

Of course, James's life goal had changed as soon as the brandy wore off. He returned to trying to beat Lily in every class without studying, practising Quiditch, and failing in his attempts to charm Lily. Remus flipped through pages of Lily pictures that James had taken, a few of Professor Hannigan (courtesy of Peter), the last Quidditch match of the season, the traditional picture in front of the castle (once again taken by Lily, after much begging), and finally stopped when a face caught his eye. She wasn't the reason for the picture- Remus had simply wanted one of the platform- but she was someone he could never forget: Sirius's mother.

* * *

"Ah, bloody hell," Sirius said, looking out the window. "My mum's picking me up. Regulus must've told her about the dungbombs. Little git. He thinks he's so special, just because he's in Slytherin."

James looked concerned. "You won't get... beaten or anything over the dungbombs, will you?" he asked. "I mean, it was my idea. I'll tell her that if you like."

"No! I mean, it's probably better if she doesn't know I'm friends with a Potter. If Regulus hasn't already told her."

James raised his eyebrows. "Your mum must be a nightmare."

"You can't even begin to imagine," Sirius said. "I'd best go face her. If she thinks I'm avoiding her it'll only be worse."

Remus watched as Sirius approached his mother. She grabbed him roughly by the arm and pulled him off the platform, yelling words Remus couldn't hear. James put a hand on his shoulder. "He's survived thirteen years with that woman, Moony. He can manage another summer."

Remus looked up. "Yeah," he said. "He can."