Shadows

Demons.

People have a great experience with demons, Hermione Granger will tell you that the demons date back to the years of the unexplained, perhaps past the medieval ages, when the Muggle-folk was haunted by a Dark Age, in which fear of unearthly things was protuberant. Witches and wizards too have had nasty encounters with the creatures of the underworld; we too are tormented by their presence, their shadowy figures lurking in the darkest part of our homes, and minds.

Demons, a funny word for fear.

Possessed. Another word often associated with demons, and the demonic. Possession by demons, possession by evil, possession by the devil, possession by fear, possession by the unknown, they're all really quite the same.

And I would know. I, who was possessed possibly by the most evil wizard, I who was possessed by the darkest of beings, I who was possessed by Tom Riddle, Lord Voldemort, another name for a different sort of demon.

Sometimes, at night usually, though it can happen during anytime of the day, I feel as though I'm possessed all over again. It happens so subtly, so unexpectedly.

It's something like when, for example, I'm lying in bed at night, unable to fall asleep. Suddenly, I feel as though I'm paralyzed, and a great wave of absolute, pure, heart stopping, pupils diluted, fear. It's the type of fear that makes one stop breathing, the type of fear that isn't caused by anything, just triggered, and you are lying there, frozen, unable to break out of the feeling, drowning in the inevitable darkness, unable to speak, or really think. It's fear in its simplest form, something that takes over your mind, body, and soul.

And I've tried to ignore it, tried to snap out of it, but I can't. It's rather like a seizure, a fit almost, one where I get transported into another shadowy world, a world which I can see and hear transparent parts of reality, but the shadow world locks me, keeps me, claims me for it's own, and refuses to let me go.

It's a world of shadows; a world where darkness reigns, a world where hurt, fear, sadness, pain, anger, anguish, and misery are commonplace, and everyone else is transparent, held in the same fear which binds me to this shadow world, a world which I would not wish on my own enemy.

Call it hallucinations, call it my imagination, call it whatever you like. I know what the shadow world is; I know why I have my bouts of paralysis, my bouts of panic, and unease.

It's my demons, my demons that I cannot exorcise, and take me over. It's the demons that are inside of me, fighting to get out, play tricks on me, and take me back into the shadow world, which I was only completely submerged, in my first year of Hogwarts.

And I can't have anyone save me from my inner demons, because they are my demons, and no one can see them, because they are inside of me.

I must save myself from me.