Watching You From Afar

Cho/Harry

I watched you. I watched you from afar, that whole year. I couldn't help myself. I told myself that you were an insensitive, uncaring jerk; that you absolutely hated me, and never wanted to talk or look at me ever again.

And I was right, except for the first part. You changed over the summer, the old you vanished. Maybe for the better, maybe for the worst, I don't know. All I did know was that the Harry Potter I kissed under the mistletoe in my sixth year, the Harry Potter who was shy, was gone forever. This new Harry Potter came back to school with what seemed like a heavy load on his shoulders.

You had always had a larger load than the rest of us, because of Voldemort, but this year, it seemed to effect you more. You walked with a different step, like one of a man who has resigned to his fate, to his destiny.

Do you believe in destiny?

Your green beautiful eyes sometime took on a glazed look, like you were million of miles away from this world. Only your best friends, and she could make it go away at times.

She; Ginny Weasley. The one who now holds the key to your heart. The key that I so foolishly threw away. Did I ever hold that key? I do not know.

Ginny is so pretty, bright, and flaming, and happy, always happy. I remember last year you said I cried too much. And I did. No wonder you wanted somebody like Ginny, somebody to cheer you up, instead of someone like me. I understand, I really do.

And yet, does she understand? Has she, the ever-happy one, gone through any pain as deep as what you've gone through? Can she understand the depth of your emotions when you suffer agony like that? Perhaps she has, I do not know.

I wish, all the time; that I'd hadn't been so temperamental. If I hadn't been so emotional, then maybe I'd be the one who would comfort you when you have nightmares, maybe I'd have been the one to lightly tousle your hair when you seemed down. But I was, so I'm not.

You know the saying, you don't know what you've got until its gone? Well that's how it is right now. It was like that with Cedric too. And yes, I can think about him now without my eyes welling up with tears, I can talk about him without that painful knife twisting in my heart. Now it's you. I can't think about you without that knife twisting around and around in my heart, because you've taken his place. I haven't forgotten him, and I'll never forget him, but his memory now is but a pleasant, hazy, rose-colored memory; nothing more.

I've stopped crying. I can't cry anymore, not over you, not over Cedric, not over what could've been. Crying won't help change my actions.

I see you lean over to her, and give her a swift kiss on the cheek. I have to close my eyes again, or else the knife will dig deeper. I know it's entirely my fault, my fault that I was being an idiot. It's my fault that I'm not with you right now.

It doesn't matter anymore; I never deserved you anyway. She does. Ginny Weasley deserves you, or deserves you more than all the other girls at the school.

I bump into you on my way to Charms class. You offer me your hand to pull me up from the ground, and I accept. I can still feel the warm pressure of your fingers on my hand, the intoxicating smell of chocolate around you. I looked at you for a long time, taking in every detail of your perfect face before remembering that you weren't mine to have. I pulled away, mumbled thanks, and walked as quickly as I could to class.

I need to forget you; I need to erase all traces of you from my mind, but I can't.

I want to, I need to, but I can't.

The next time I come into close contact with you is at the Ravenclaw-Gryffindor Qudditch match, right after winter holiday.

You walk onto the Qudditch pitch with her, your red Gryffindor robes billowing in the slight breeze. Did I ever tell you how green your eyes look in red? I suppose not, but it doesn't matter; I suppose she tells you that all the time. You're a Seeker again; she's a Chaser now.

Most of the crowd roars in approval to see their favorite Seeker (well, except for the Slytherins, who booed.) back on the pitch again. You smile genuinely, and I have to look away.

As Captain of the Ravenclaw team, and since you're Captain of the Gryffindor team, we have to shake hands. We move forward at the same time, and lightly touch fingertips. I have to use all my self-control to avoid looking into your beautiful emerald green eyes, knowing that if I do, I'll stay there forever, looking into your eyes.

When our fingers touch for that split second, a shock of electricity goes through me. Acting on my reflexes, I look up in confusion. Bad move. You seemed puzzled as well, and we locked eyes.

I'm not aware of how long we stood there, simply staring at each other. I'm not even sure if we let go of each other's fingers. All I know is that, I looked into those eyes of yours and I was immediately sucked into a whirlpool of green; I was drowning in your mesmerizing eyes.

I vaguely recall Madam Hooch blowing her whistle and tapping me on the shoulder. We mounted our brooms and took off into the clear blue sky.

The game has begun.

I try to concentrate on the Snitch, I try to think of winning and only winning, but I can't. The score is Gryffindor leading by twenty points.

Finally, a flash of gold by the Ravenclaw end of the goalposts; I immediately turn my Comet 260 in that direction and speed off towards it. You've spotted it too; that excellent Firebolt of yours is already half way across the pitch.

Urging my broom to go faster, I notice that you are less than two feet away from the Snitch. Knowing that I would never be able to catch it before you, I try a new tactic: blocking. It has always been my specialty, from when I first started out as a Seeker.

As your hand is only inches away from the evasive ball, I direct my Comet with sharp shooter accuracy, and zoom in between the small space between your fingers and the Snitch.

I don't think you realized what had happened exactly, because, instead of the Snitch, you grabbed my arm, and as a reflex, pulled me upwards.

You were unbelievably strong; I found myself raised off above my broomstick. Still wearing a grin, you looked at me, and then seemed to realize that I was not the golden colored, winged ball.

The spectators were wild. You simply looked puzzled for a minute, then hit with understanding, and embarrassment. Suddenly, I saw, out of the corner of my eye something flying toward the back of your head. With a nasty clunk, a Bludger hit you hard in back. I screamed, because your eyes closed, and you fell forward, still gripping my wrist tightly. Your legs were wrapped around the Firebolt and we were plummeting to the ground. All I remember is the wind whistling in my ears, and the warmth of your hand on my wrist. Then we hit the ground, and I blacked out.

When I came back into consciousness, I found myself in the Hospital Wing, with your hand still clutching my wrist. Madam Pomfrey was leaning over me. She breathed a sigh of relief when I looked at her. You were still blacked out, and Madam Pomfrey said that you wouldn't let go of my wrist. Finally, with the aid of two other hospital wing assistants, Madam Pomfrey managed to pry my wrist away. She made sure I was all right, and then said I could go.

As I left, I took one last, lingering look at your still form in the white hospital bed. You had a slight frown on your face, for some reason. I resolved that once you woke up, I would come visit you, and apologize for blocking you. After all, it was my fault that you were in the Hospital Wing, unconscious.

Since it was a Saturday afternoon, I shut myself into my room, and read all the rest of the day. I went down for dinner, and saw Dean Thomas talking to Seamus Finnegan. They were saying how you had finally woken up. I immediately turned and left the Great Hall, making my way up to the Hospital Wing.

I opened the door slowly, not wanting to disturb anyone. When I came to your bed, however, someone was already there. Three someones in fact.

You were sitting up and you were laughing with Ron. Hermione was rolling her eyes at you, and Ginny...Ginny was holding your hand.

I stood there, frozen, when she caught sight of me, and gave me a very ugly look. " What do you want?" Ginny hissed at me.

" I...I... came to see-" I was shocked at Ginny's response. I tried again. " I just wanted to see how Harry was doing."

Ginny snorted. " I think you've done enough." She said icily.

I took a step backwards. " Well, I can see that you don't want visitors. I'll just leave then." I turned and fled.

Walking blindly down the corridor, I heard someone shout my name. I turned and it was...you.

***