Nicole Stevens: Roses and Mistrust

Chp. 7 Not Again

Saturday was a good day. No, correction, I HOPED that it would be a good day. I looked at the luminous numbers on my alarm clock; 8:00. It was time for breakfast. I fell out of my bed and dressed in my lavender Capri pants, matching tank top, and dark purple robes. Then I made my way down the spiral staircase, to the Common Room. Ron was sitting sprawled in an armchair, yawning and looking like he was going to fall asleep where he was sitting. Harry was lying on the couch reading 'Quidditch Through the Ages'. And Hermione was at a table doing something or other that required a book, a quill, and a piece of paper.

I went over to Ron, who had his eyes closed, and thumped him on the forehead.

"Wh-what?!" he asked jumping.

"You were falling asleep. I thought it was better to wake you up now, than to get you up after breakfast. I was thinking that it'd be better for you to have breakfast before tryouts."

"Wha-whatever," he yawned.

I walked over to Harry and pulled his feet off the couch. Then I sat beside him. He set his book on the end-table and put his arm around my shoulders, "Good morning, ready for Quidditch tryouts?"

"Oh, yeah, but I need to eat first. Breakfast time," I stood up and we all walked down to the Great Hall.

Over the past few days, Draco and I had been owling each other every evening. He hadn't sent me any more gifts, for which I was sort of grateful. His letters always began 'My Dearest Nicole' and always ended 'With All My Love'. The letters usually consisted of jokes, the day's events, and the occasional homework answer. His writing showed a side of him that I'd never seen. It was odd, no doubt about it.

I sat in my usual chair and filled my plate with eggs and biscuits (scones). I finished and asked Harry what time the tryouts were.

"One o' clock at the Quidditch Pitch."

"Okay," I stood up and left the Great Hall. I walked up to the library. I didn't have much to do, just a Potions essay. I went inside the magnificent doors and started looking for a book on the Tempus Potion. While I did I hummed softly 'Sk8ter Boi' by Avril Lavigne. I found a book I thought might be helpful. I pulled the large, heavy book from the shelf. I looked through it for any mention of Tempus Potion.

"That one won't help you," someone whispered in my ear. "Now this one," a pale hand reached over my shoulder and pulled out another book, "this one will have exactly what you need."

"Thank you, Draco," I said turning around to face him. He was grinning at me and his silver eyes glittered. His bangs were falling around his eyes.

"We haven't spoken in days. I wanted to talk to you, face to face."

"That's nice. I needed to tell you something, too. What do you want to talk about?"

"Tell me what you have to say first," he said.

"It's just that Parvati Patil and Lavender Brown got hold of your first letter," I whispered.

"They did WHAT!?"

"They stole it from my bedside table, while I went to send you my letter. I found them reading it together. I thought they were trustworthy, but they aren't. I'm not leaving anything else of mine out on my bed. Then, Lavender tried to bribe me. She wanted the ring you gave me."

"Did you give it to her?" he asked worriedly.

I waved my right hand in front of his face, and the emerald glittered on my finger. "What does it look like? Of course I didn't give it to her. It was a gift from you. It's special to me. I wouldn't give it to Voldemort if he threatened me with the Cruciatus Curse."

"Really?" he asked hopefully.

"Okay, maybe I might, but I certainly won't give it to any of the jackals that live in my dormitory. They deserve it less than I do. And I don't deserve it at all, so that just shows how much less."

"Good. That's good to know. So how did you make them give it back?"

"I threatened them with death, hair loss, and shredding their clothes. Then I made them promise not to tell anyone." He nodded at me and handed me the book he'd pulled from the shelf. "So what'd you want to talk about?"

"Nothing. I just wanted to hear your voice. I don't really have anything to say. Except, what you're doing this afternoon?" he asked abruptly.

"What? Oh, Quidditch tryout, chaser, I doubt I'll make it, because I'm really not a chaser."

"You're trying out for the team?" Draco inquired.

"Yeah, what of it?"

"I play. For Slytherin, of course. I'm seeker and Captain. If you make it in, we'll be playing against each other."

"I hadn't thought of that, but, yeah, I guess so. Is that a problem?"

"Not really, but I must warn you about my team. We play roughly. No slack. Be careful."

"Draco, don't worry. I know how to fly. I am a very experienced flier, in fact. I can handle it. Won't be a problem."

"If you're positive."

"I am. I have to go," I waved to him as I walked over to the librarian's desk. Madam Pince checked out the book to me, and I went to lunch, which was an enjoyable affair. I quarreled with Ron over who did the best Wronski-Feint, as Harry looked on with mild interest.

After lunch, I ran up to my dormitory and got my Firebolt. As I came back down the stairs, Ron saw my broom and gaped at it. "What is it?"

"You...it's just......"

"C'mon let's go." We headed down to the Quidditch Pitch. Harry was there with the rest of the team and a line of students trying out.

"Alright," yelled George to the crowd, "this is how everything is going to work! First, we'll pair the Keepers and Chasers together! Next, we'll have the Chasers try to put the Quaffle past the Keepers! The Keepers will guard the goals! Everyone understand? Good!" Ron and I were paired together. The other fifth year trying out was Seamus Finnigan, who got paired with a fourth year.

When it was our turn, I kicked off. I caught the Quaffle and flew over to Ron, who was at the goal. I threw the Quaffle, and Ron just barely missed it. It went through the middle hoop. I caught the ball again and tried to score. Ron blocked it and threw it back to me. I threw again, and missed it. I didn't really want to be a chaser, I was really more of a seeker.

We landed and Fred said, "We'll post the results on the board tomorrow. You can go, Ronniekins."

Ron scowled and we walked together off the pitch. Ron was muttering, "I'll be glad when they graduate at the end of this year. No more 'Ronniekins'. Only me."

"Ron, they're your brothers, it's their job to annoy you. It's no big deal. Get over it."

"I will not 'get over it'. They've always been mean to me, ever since I set all their underwear on fire when I was three. I didn't mean to do it. Honestly, but they had to be cruel about it. They never stop punishing me for that one little incident."

"Oh, shut up, Ronniekins. It's not a big deal. Besides, you have a younger sibling, too, and I'm sure she thinks the same of you. If you need something to vent your anger on, you could just go hit a pillow or something. It helps."

Ron seemed determined to be angry about this. Boys! They're so idiotic sometimes. We walked in the front door and went up to Gryffindor tower. I crawled onto the couch and began my Potions essay.

Draco had been right, the book he'd chosen had had what I needed. I'd have to remember to thank him. I did the required three feet on the Tempus Potion. It was really boring, but I managed it without too much of a hassle. After, I wrote in my diary. Harry came in about three hours after we had.

He looked tired. "Go to bed, Harry. You need sleep. You look like you're about to fall over."

He waved my comment away and said, "No, it's fine. I'm fine. Don't worry. Just need to sit down." He sat down beside me.

"No, I think you need to lie down, Harry," I said.

"Good idea," he laid his head on my lap and stretched out on the couch. "Your lap is very comfortable."

"Yeah, I bet it is," I said, laughing. I let him stay there, though. He fell asleep in about five minutes, as I had known he would.

He looked younger when he was sleeping. But, maybe that was just because he let down his guard while he slept. His hair fell over his forehead and eyes. I lifted his glasses off his face and set them on the table. His chest rose and fell in silent breaths. I put my diary on the table, too, and watched him sleep. He was handsome, not like Draco with his heart-stopping beauty; Harry had a subtle sort of desirableness. The raven colored hair, tan skin, and long lack eyelashes combined to make him very handsome.

Harry stirred, but did not wake. I picked up my diary again and began writing. He woke after about half an hour. It was a good thing too; my legs were beginning to fall asleep. He sat up slowly, rubbing his eyes.

I handed him his glasses. He slipped them on and said, "Thanks. I feel better."

"I had hoped you would. I told you that you needed sleep."

"Fine, you were right. I was wrong."

"Thank you," I said. "It's nearly dinner. Let's go now, I don't want to wait."

Murmured assents from everyone, and we went down to the Great Hall. Dinner was quick, but maybe it was just me. After, we went upstairs and I flopped down on my bed. I sighed and pulled my hair from its ponytail, throwing the rubber band onto my bedside table.

I always left the window open, for Draco's owl. Katharine, who also was a fifth year in my dorm, always complained about the drafts, but I ignored her. No one besides me was in the dormitory tonight. It was a good thing, too, I was tired of them asking about my letters. After I'd received a letter, there was always a full-scale interrogation by the other girls, and it just got simply annoying.

Artemis (why Draco had named it that, is anyone's guess), was right on time. Today he brought more than just a letter. There was also a box. Artemis landed on my bed, and waited for me to write Draco back.

I opened the box. Inside was a letter, and a long, green, velvet cloak. The inside lining of the cloak was black velvet. It was beautiful, no doubt about it. I laid the magnificent cloak on my bed, and slit open the envelope.

My Dearest Nicole,

Yet again, I send a gift. This is for the Yule Ball that we're having later in the year. This cloak is your size, I believe. I think it will look very beautiful on you. Please, wear it. It shouldn't be a problem unless someone asks you where you got it, in which case, you are on your own, I won't help. I must say, green is a good color on you, as is black. That is the reason I chose it for you.

You asked me yesterday if I knew the answer to problem 13. I do. It is 'Moons Iota'. You can find it on page 152 of your potions book. It is supposed to be added in teaspoons. No more than one teaspoon at a time. That's important, because if you add more, it blows up. You're welcome, I just saved your hair from death by burning.

I'll see you in detention soon. Lucky me.

With All My Love,

Draco Malfoy

I grinned and pulled on the cloak. He was right, it did fit me. How had he known it would? I pulled out my quill and green ink, and a piece of paper.

I wrote:

Dear Draco,

Thanks for the cloak. It fits. I always thought green and black were my colors, too, but I've never really been told it before. Thanks for the compliment.

Thanks for the answer to my question. You're really good at Potions. Predisposition, huh? You said that was what Snape had told you your first day at Hogwarts. Ha, ha, it seems really funny to hear about Snape complementing someone, especially you, since he just put you in detention with me.

Uh, I don't have too much to say. I don't care if make the team, because I'm going to be really busy doing work on weekends. No, I'm not looking for suggestions of things I could do, Draco.

I'll see you in detention, in about, oh what, a week? Have I mentioned I HATE cleaning? Well, I really hate cleaning. Especially when you can't use magic.

So, I guess that's all.

Yours Truly,

Nicole Stevens

I tied the letter onto Artemis's leg, and looked as he soared out of the window. Then I took of the cloak, folded it neatly, and gently placed in my trunk, along with his new letter. Also in my trunk was Draco's necklace and my diary, that I'd already written in for today.

I changed into my pajamas, and drifted into a deep sleep.

==============

Yet again, I was in what I supposed must be the Slytherin Common Room. The decorations were the same as the people in the house; cold, unwelcoming, but beautiful all the same. I had always thought this room was beautiful, but it was altogether too rigid and formal looking for my taste.

I traveled down the hallway that led to Draco's bedroom. I had often wondered if I could go into the other Slytherin's rooms, and hack them off, but I hadn't tried yet. I would have to wait until some other time.

I opened the door of Draco's bedroom, and stepped in. He was sitting on the edge of the bed waiting for me. I smiled at him and walked over to the bedpost.

"Sit down, Nicole," he said.

"Are you telling me what to do?" I asked teasingly.

"Yes, actually, I am. Now sit." My brow furrowed and I sat beside him. He turned to me and asked, "You wanted to know if my father was a Death Eater. Well, he is."

"I knew. I just wanted to hear it from you directly. So, you are, too? Aren't you?"

"No, not yet. My father is planning to make it official this summer break. I am supposed to have the Dark Mark placed on my arm when I turn sixteen."

"Is it what you want?" I asked him, feeling thoroughly frustrated.

He looked into my eyes, "What do you want to hear?"

"Tell me if it is what you want. I want to hear the truth."

"No, you don't. You'd hate me if I became a Death Eater. I'm right, aren't I?"

"Yeah, you're really right on target there. Except, I wouldn't hate you personally, but I'd hate what and who you represent. Now, answer me. Answer my question."

"If I did, you'd leave. And once you left, you'd never come back. I don't want to be without you. I need you. You're the most important person to me. Once you left, I'd die."

"No, Draco. You're strong enough on your own. You don't need me. Now, tell me the truth. Do you want to be a Death Eater?"

"Ugh," he said frustrated, running his hand through his hair, then putting his face in his hands. "I don't know, alright?! I know I want the power, yeah I'm positive of that. I don't want to kill people. I don't want to torture them. But, what I want most is the one thing, that that won't get me. I want you."

I leaned back from him, shaking my head. "You can't...can't be...a Death Eater, then. Power you have. You radiate it, always. Power you don't need more of. Now, tell me how becoming a Death Eater will be a good thing for you, for anyone?"

"Well," he said his face still in his hands, "if I'm not- if I don't join, my father will literally kill me. He doesn't care about me, just Voldemort and power. If I refuse him, I DIE. But, if I do join, I don't get you, which means I'm good as dead. So, really, I'm having a bit of a dilemma!"

My eyes went wide. I stood up and walked silently out the door. He ran out after me and caught me by the arms. He pushed me back close to the wall and said, "Nicole, I love you. I love you with all my heart. No one could love you as much as I do. I'm hardly able to breathe when I'm around you. I fell like I'm going to die when I'm close to you, if I can't have you in my arms. Harry doesn't love you, not the way I do. He never will. He doesn't have the capacity to. I have everything you need. Please, tell me what I can do to make you mine. I need to know. Tell me. Anything you want, I'll give you. Anything you dream of, I'll make it happen. I love you. I love you so much I'm running out of things to say, and that's never happened to me before. You're the one, the only one. I'll never love anyone else. I love you, and I always will. I will never stop loving you. Please, please, I'll do anything. Tell me now so I can get it done. I need you by me. I need your eyes, your voice, your scent, your kiss. I love you, please tell me what I need to do to make you mine." He had said that all in one breath, which was amazing to me. I'd never heard anyone talk so fast, with so much passion.

"I don't know what you can do. I don't know if I love you. I like you a lot, I'll give you that much. If you're asking me to tell you I love you, I can't because I don't know. I know you are everything I could ever hope for. I know you could get me anything I wanted. But, I don't care about materiel possessions. I really don't. The one thing I care about is feeling. If the feeling is real, then I know."

"You're not telling me the truth," he said looking down into my face.

"No, you're right, I'm not telling the truth. I know I have some unresolved feelings for you, but I'm not sure if those feelings are love."

"You're still lying to me."

"I know," I said sadly.

"So do I," he said. He leant down and our lips met. He slid his hands down to my waist and he pushed me all the way back into the wall. I began kissing him back. It felt so right. Nothing was wrong, and nothing ever would be. I locked my arms around his neck, and twirled my fingers in his hair. I was leaning against the wall, I couldn't have moved if I'd wanted to, which, mind you, was the last thing on my mind that moment. I felt his body close to mine, and I wanted it to last forever. I was running out of breath, though. I put my hands on his shoulders and pushed him away. I tried to catch my breath before speaking. He looked like he'd had large weight lifted off his shoulders and he was breathing roughly.

We were still only an inch apart (he had only reluctantly moved back that far). I decided I would probably have to say something. I tried to think of something witty to say, but all I could do was say the first thing that popped into my head, "Well, that was odd."

He looked at me, "Not really."

"I guess not." I changed the subject abruptly, "Have you ever wondered what would happen if we went into someone else's room?"

He nodded, "I tried before you came tonight. You can talk to other people."

"Or annoy them," I said.

He shot a glance at me, "No, you're not going to go annoy them."

"Oh," I muttered disappointedly, "I have to go."

=================

Over the next week, I continued owling Draco. He restrained his natural instinct that told him to send me gifts, which was a good thing (Parvati, Lavender, and Katharine were getting particularly nosy ). I hadn't made the team, and I was glad. It was too much to do. Seamus Finnigan and a fourth year girl had made it though.