A Thousand Words

Annie

Story Summary:
Five years after the second war, the Ministry of Magic proposes an interdepartmental challenge in an attempt to restore trust between workers. Unknowingly, Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy are assigned as partners. As the two begin to write to each other under the nicknames Starlight and Shadow, their careers outside of their letters become entwined as well. Obsessions grow out of control, friendships are shattered, and all the while, the threat of a second era of darkness looms above the wizarding world. What happens when Starlight and Shadow begin meeting in secret? And will the two ever discover who the mystery on the other side of the page is?

Chapter 16 - Let Your Spirit Start to Soar

Posted:
08/18/2006
Hits:
2,993


Chapter 16: Let Your Spirit Start to Soar

Draco took a deep breath and opened his eyes to look at his reflection in the mirror. Perhaps it was simply the lighting in the room, but he couldn't help but notice that he looked much paler than usual. He grimaced.

I can't believe I'm doing this, he thought numbly, his gaze swivelling over to the white mask sitting on top of Starlight's reply, which lay spread out on his desk. What if she forgot about the meeting? What if she just decides not to come?

'Calm down,' said Draco angrily to his reflection, which looked uncharacteristically frightened. 'She's not going to stand you up. She's not like that.'

Regardless of this weak self-reassurance, however, Draco's insides still writhed with uncertainty. His trust in people had been severed numerous times in the past, and even he himself doubted that it would ever be fully repaired again.

Draco glanced at the clock nailed to the wall. 5:50pm. He had ten more minutes.

Without tearing his eyes away from the mirror, Draco reached down and fumbled around in his pockets, trying to find his wand. At last, he pulled it out and pressed the tip of it to his scalp. 'Here goes,' he muttered.

Closing his eyes, he thought fiercely, Infusco Capillus. He felt his hair ripple as if being mussed by a gentle breeze, and opened his eyes to see his raven-haired reflection staring back at him. Satisfied, Draco lowered his wand.

Now, he picked up the mask and gazed at it thoughtfully. Why not just use the cloak? he wondered to himself. Secretly, Draco already knew the answer to this. It was because he wanted Starlight to see him as he was. He wanted to know that he could stand in his own flesh and bone before her, and she would still stand her ground.

Of course, if you were to take the mask off that might change... a little voice in the back of his mind said slyly. You're still a coward after all, aren't you?

Draco ignored this nagging fact. Pressing the mask against his face, he raised his wand once again and whispered, 'Adhaero.' Immediately, he felt the mask tighten and fasten itself to his skin.

He glanced once more at the clock. Five minutes to go.

Snatching his cloak off of his bed, Draco shrugged it on, his fingers trembling ever so slightly as he fastened the button. At last, he could delay no longer. Under his breath, he muttered, 'Well, here goes,' before he straightened up, the clear image of a familiar frozen pond in his mind's eye, and Apparated away to meet with Starlight once again.

---

When Draco arrived, he looked around nervously. It was colder than it had been the previous week, so the snow had frozen over, making it impossible for Draco to discern any traces of footprints and thus deduce whether Starlight had arrived yet. Sighing, he walked over to the same bench he and Starlight had sat on during their last meeting.

'Shadow?' came a sudden voice to his right as he sat down, prepared to wait.

Draco looked up in surprise. 'Starlight?' he said uncertainly, remembering in time to lower his voice so that it sounded more like Shadow's. 'You're...you're here early.'

'Yes, I am.'

Draco's eyes darted about as he tried to figure out where to look when Starlight spoke. As if she understood what he was trying to do, Starlight laid a hand upon his shoulder and said softly, 'Straight ahead.'

'How have you been?' Draco inquired once he was as well-adjusted to the disconcerting feeling of talking to thin air as possible.

'I've been...' Starlight paused, seeming to hesitate. 'I've been better.'

Draco looked away, embarrassed by the miserable tone in Starlight's voice. 'What's...er...what's wrong?' he asked awkwardly.

'A lot of things,' she replied sadly.

'Is it your boyfriend?' Draco asked tentatively. He stared down at his gloved hands, thinking that he was the last person Starlight should have turned to for consolation.

Starlight sighed audibly. 'Yes, I suppose,' she said slowly. 'But it's not just that. Something else is bothering me. It's...well, everywhere I turn on the streets I see families celebrating the holidays. They all look so happy and carefree. They let their children wander off to build snowmen and spend to their hearts' content in the nearby sweet shop. I can't help but wonder if they've got any idea that a werewolf attack took place in that village a few miles away, or that a witch was murdered behind the apparel store they purchase their robes at.'

Draco looked away, unable to think of anything to say

'I'm sorry if what I just said sounded cold-hearted,' Starlight quickly added. 'Of course it's wonderful to see everyone enjoying life again. How can I say they don't deserve to after all they've suffered through? At the same time, though, they shouldn't assume that they're completely free of their past troubles, because...well, because they're not. I just hope that the parents of those roving children are keeping that in mind.'

Draco listened in silence to Starlight's speech. Against his own will, he was moved by the palpable compassion in her voice. He imagined her gesturing emphatically with her hands in time to her words, her eyes shining with emotion, and couldn't resist a small smile.

'All I want is for everything to be right,' said Starlight with a bitter laugh, 'but that perfect world is unfortunately a bit beyond my reach.'

Draco remained quiet as he considered Starlight's words. After a few moments, he said, 'And what of your boyfriend? What has he done now?'

There was a muffled rustling sound, and then Starlight spoke up angrily. 'Apparently the idea of spending time apart means nothing to him. He's so keen to control every aspect of my life, and it's driving me mad! I can't do anything without his permission - he even forbade me from meeting with you today, for goodness sake!'

Starlight's last sentence seemed to hang in the frigid air for a few seconds, each word stinging Draco like a tiny electric shock. He averted his eyes to the icy ground, trying to ignore the echoing of those words. So now Starlight's close friends knew of their friendship and, even worse, disapproved of it.

'I suppose...' He gulped, feeling his throat tighten and a bubble of anger swell up within him. 'I suppose this means we should stop communicating with one another? I don't want to get you in trouble with him.'

As Draco waited for Starlight's response, it occurred to him that he secretly doubted the truth behind these words. He hated himself for being selfish, but he didn't care if Starlight was risking her relationships to see him, because he needed and wanted their meetings, and he didn't care what it took to assure that they continued.

'No,' Starlight said forcibly, to Draco's surprise, 'I'll do whatever I want. I'm not easily forced into submission, you know. We'll continue to write to each other - that is, as long as you'd like to.'

'Of course,' said Draco quickly, his heart now light with relief and hope. 'I wouldn't have it any other way.'

---

Hermione felt a smile creep onto her face at Shadow's swift response. For a fleeting moment, she had been afraid that he didn't want to stay pen pals after all, and that her problems with Ron had given him the perfect excuse for ending their friendship.

She scrutinised Shadow's grey eyes for any traces of emotion, and as she did, she wondered what it was that made her cling onto him. Why should I? she thought uncertainly. I've got everything I want. What have I got to gain by straying away from that?

'I expect everything is fine with you?' said Hermione, forcing these flustering thoughts out of her mind. She didn't want to think about what she was doing; she couldn't trust herself to right now.

'As fine as it will ever be,' said Shadow, his voice laced with sarcasm.

Hermione smiled weakly. 'That would be a "no", then.'

'I'd say that's a fair guess,' Shadow replied with a faint smile. 'I suppose I shouldn't complain, though. Nothing has really gone wrong as of late, which is more than I can usually hope for...then again, nothing has gone right either...'

'I'm sorry to hear that,' said Hermione sympathetically.

'It's nothing to fuss over,' Shadow said in response. 'Your situation sounds worse than mine.'

'I've gotten used to it by now,' Hermione sighed. 'Living with him...well, let's just say I've realised he's not going to change his ways by now.'

'Do you not believe that people can change their ways, then?'

Hermione stared at Shadow, surprised. His elbows were resting on his knees, and he was looking at the ground again.

'I don't know,' she answered truthfully. 'I'd say it depends on the circumstances. There are some habits that can't be broken, but at the same time, I don't think it's entirely impossible to become someone different if you really want to.'

'But say someone really wants to change. From - let's just say - from bad to good. Say he was a Death Eater, but regrets all of that and wants to put it behind him. D'you think it'd be an achievable goal?'

Hermione frowned slightly. Shadow's example brought to mind two familiar names: Snape and Malfoy. Snape had been good. That much was certain. But Malfoy?

'Nevermind I said that,' Shadow suddenly said, interrupting Hermione's thoughts.

'I think so,' said Hermione. 'I had an...acquaintance, you see. He was caught in a similar situation. But he switched sides. It ultimately caused his death, but he did it. And that boy - that boy I told you about in my first letter. I think he's changed too.'

Hermione saw the ghost of a smile dancing on Shadow's lips, and then it was gone. He looked up at her with serious eyes and said, 'I'm glad you've got that sort of faith.'

'Do you know someone who's converted?' Hermione asked, curious as to why Shadow should sound so relieved by her answer.

'Yes,' Shadow responded quietly, a distant look creeping into his eyes. 'That boy you mentioned - if you recall, I wrote back in my first letter that we might be thinking of the same person.'

'Is the person you have in mind -'

Before Hermione could finish her sentence, however, Shadow had put a gloved finger to his lips. Shaking his head, he said sternly, 'Let's not mention any names.'

Hermione felt a laugh bubble up in her throat and threaten to escape. As frustrating as the game was sometimes, she enjoyed their mutual attempts to let as little as possible about themselves be known. It was almost as if they were children playing pretend again.

'What have we got to talk about if no names are to be mentioned, then?' Hermione asked solemnly. Again, she had to suppress the urge to laugh.

'I don't think talk is necessary.'

Hermione arched an eyebrow. 'And what do you mean by -'

'Why don't we take a broom ride around the park?'

'What?!' Hermione gasped. 'Don't be ridiculous! We can't.'

But Shadow was already standing up and holding an inviting hand out.

'Come on,' he encouraged. 'The shed over there has a couple of old brooms. We can use one of those.'

'No way,' Hermione said stubbornly, sitting back. She crossed her arms, a gesture of defiance that wasn't quite as effective as she had hoped, as Shadow couldn't see it.

'Why not?'

'Because,' said Hermione, emphasising the last syllable, 'one, we'll freeze up there; two, taking a broom out of that shed is stealing; and...and...'

'And?' Shadow prompted. He stared at her, his eyes questioning.

'And three, I don't like riding brooms,' Hermione finished shrilly. She grimaced. 'The idea of being up in the air and supported only by a stick isn't very appealing to me.'

Shadow laughed. 'Is that all?' he said harshly. 'Don't be thick; there's nothing to worry about. Come on.'

Hermione recoiled, surprised by the sudden contempt in Shadow's voice. She had never heard him speak to her in an unpleasant manner, and this new side of him alarmed her. In fact, there was something frighteningly familiar about the tone he had just used with her. Before Hermione could figure it out, however, Shadow spoke up again.

'I'm sorry,' he apologised hurriedly, sounding genuinely so. Hermione noticed that he looked very upset now. 'I didn't mean to snap at you. If you don't want to, it's fine. Forget it.'

He made to sit down again, but before he could, Hermione shook her head.

'I'll do it,' she said, her voice shaking slightly. She stood up. 'It never hurts to try anything new, does it?' she added with a quavering smile which went by unnoticed by Shadow.

'No, don't bother - I shouldn't have pressed you -'

'It's fine,' Hermione cut in firmly, trying to ignore the trembling in her stomach that resulted from the very thought of flying. 'I'll survive.'

'Are you sure?' Shadow said anxiously. He had placed a hand on the back of the bench, as if he weren't sure whether he should stand up again or not.

'Yes,' said Hermione, reaching down and taking Shadow's hand. He looked up, surprised; Hermione surmised that he must not have realised she had stood up.

'We don't -'

'I want to,' said Hermione in response, interrupting Shadow's protests. 'Are you positive it's okay for us to use those brooms, though? I mean, they're not ours...it wouldn't be right to steal them...'

'We're borrowing, not stealing,' Shadow corrected. He seemed much happier as he led Hermione across the frozen snow, which cracked loudly beneath their feet. 'Have you flown before?'

Hermione quickly scanned her mind. 'Yes,' she said, remembering the times Harry and Ron had pressured her onto a broom at the Burrow, 'I've flown before - in the summer with my friends when I was younger, they made me play Quidditch with them - I'll be fine.'

'You can...you can share a broom with me if you'd like. If it makes you feel any more comfortable up there, that is.'

Hermione turned red. 'I -' she started to say, but stopped. 'No, it's okay,' she mumbled instead, thankful that the cloak prevented Shadow from seeing her flustered state.

Shadow seemed to have realised the connotations in his proposition as well, for he shoved his hands in his pockets, looked down at his feet, and remained silent for the rest of the walk.

After a few minutes, the pair reached a small, shabby lean-to, partially hidden by the shadows of the evergreens surrounding it. Shadow drew his wand, pointed it at the rusted lock attached to the door, and muttered, 'Alohomora!' Immediately, the lock fell away and hit the ground with a dull thud.

'Why -?'

'Beats me,' Shadow said with a shrug. 'I've got two guesses, though,' he continued as he pushed stepped into the dusty inside of the shack and brushed a few cobwebs aside. 'Either they don't give a rat's arse about these' - he gestured at the brooms, which lay in a heap against the far wall - 'or they want Muggles passing by to just assume it's just a regular old tool shed. Most likely both.'

Hermione laughed, and watched as Shadow crouched down to examine the tail of a particularly dusty broom. 'This one's fine,' he announced once he had run his hand down past the words 'Twigger 90' inscribed into the crooked handle. 'Here, take it.'

Tentatively, Hermione edged into the shack and grabbed the broom as Shadow began to inspect the one lying beneath it.

'Are you sure this is safe?' she asked nervously, eying the old broom, which looked so frail that Hermione couldn't help but suspect that the slightest breeze would blow it off course. 'Don't they need a warm-up or anything of the sort?'

'They might be a bit rusty' ('Perhaps this isn't a good idea after all,' Hermione squeaked), 'but they'll still work, and we've got nothing else right now.'

'Can't we summon better ones?' Hermione asked uneasily.

'I would, but...well, I haven't ridden a broom in a while, so I've no longer got one of my own...' Shadow rolled his eyes, but not before Hermione caught the look of longing in his eyes.

Flying must mean a lot to him, Hermione realised with a twinge of guilt. She remembered that Shadow had mentioned being an acquaintance of Harry's back at school, and wondered fleetingly if he had been on a Quidditch team as well.

'Well, then, are you ready?' said Shadow, snapping Hermione out of her musings.

'Yes,' said Hermione unconvincingly, glancing down at her broom. It had been a while since she had been on a broom. 'Er -'

'Just swing a leg over it,' said Shadow with a grin.

'Right,' Hermione muttered, doing as instructed. Taking a deep breath, she gripped the handle of the broom so tightly that her knuckles turned pale. 'You can do this, you can do this...' she mumbled repeatedly under her breath.

'Fasten your cloak on tightly,' Shadow instructed. He too had swung a leg over his broom and was looking over his shoulder at Hermione now. 'Unless you'd rather take it off entirely, that is.'

Hermione suddenly realised that the Invisibility Cloak didn't have a button or any other sort of clasp. 'What should I do?' she asked anxiously after explaining her problem to Shadow.

He frowned thoughtfully. 'Why don't we just go slowly at first?' he suggested after a while. 'We'll figure out what to do after that.'

'I don't think that's such a good idea -' Hermione began to say, but Shadow was already hovering a few feet above the ground and looking at her.

'Come on,' he said. 'It'll feel good.'

Hermione grit her teeth. Here I go... she thought grimly. Closing her eyes tightly, she hesitantly kicked off the ground.

Her broom floated lazily into the air. Hermione gasped involuntarily and clutched the handle even more tightly.

'Are you alright?' Shadow asked worriedly. He was sitting easily on his broom with both hands on his thighs.

'I'm not too sure,' Hermione replied. Figures it's easy for him, she thought bitterly as she wobbled to and fro in the air.

'Perhaps it'd be more convenient for you to take off the -'

'I'm fine,' Hermione said loudly as her broom began to drift away from Shadow. 'How do I control this thing, though?'

'You just have to direct it with your hands. Don't jerk it; just nudge it lightly and it should go where you want it to go.'

'What about stopping?'

'Just lean back slowly, and it'll gradually decelerate.' Shadow angled his broomstick upwards, and added before taking off, 'Stop worrying; just enjoy the experience!'

Hermione watched Shadow's form become smaller and smaller until he was just a black prick against the steadily darkening grey sky. Sighing, she cautiously sped up a bit and began to practice manoeuvring her broom between some of the trees ahead.

After a while, Hermione found, to her surprise, that she felt far more confident about being in the air - so much more confident, in fact, that she loosened her grip on the handle and even ventured to take a hand off to pull her cloak, which was slipping, tighter around her shoulders.

'Shadow?' she called out uncertainly.

Before Hermione could call out again, she felt a hand from behind her grab the end of her broomstick. She twisted around to see Shadow hovering there, smirking. Her heart immediately skipped a beat; something about his expression at that very moment reminded her of someone she might have known once.

'Let's go for a ride,' he said. It was more of a statement than a request, so Hermione pushed aside her thoughts (It's probably because I saw him at Hogwarts, she reasoned), turned her broom around and followed Shadow as he climbed steadily higher.

'It's c-c-cold up here,' said Hermione through chattering teeth the closer to the clouds they flew. 'Sh-shadow, m-my hands are g-g-getting numb now...m-maybe we should fly a little lower...'

'Really?' said Shadow, stopping mid-flight and turning to look at Hermione. 'I hadn't noticed. I'm sorry. Here, we'll fly a little lower.'

Hermione could only shake her head and marvel at Shadow's ability to withstand such low temperatures while wearing only a flimsy cloak and regular street robes as they descended. Her hands felt as though they were frozen to the broomstick, and she seemed to have lost all feeling in her face. When she shook her head, she found that the ends of her hair were tipped with ice.

'This cloak doesn't d-do much good,' said Hermione wryly, still shaking from the cold. 'Then again, I suppose it wasn't meant for protection from cold t-temperatures anyway.'

'Would you like to ride with me?' Shadow suggested. He looked slightly concerned, even though Hermione knew he couldn't see her. 'You can enjoy the flight without having to worry about the technicalities that way.'

'I don't know...' said Hermione doubtfully. 'That broom doesn't look very strong.'

'Believe me, it is,' said Shadow, waving a hand about breezily. 'Like I said, just leave it all to me. Don't think about it. Relax and enjoy the scenery.'

Hermione hung back, silently debating the two sides of the idea in her head. It might be fun, but in a way, it would feel awkward and not right for her to just go share a broom with someone she hardly knew.

But you do know him, a little voice argued. All those letters...these meetings...you've heard enough of him to make a reasonable judgment of his character.

Still, Hermione couldn't help but recall the aggression she had heard in Shadow's voice earlier. It was as if he had transformed into a completely different person - yet, Hermione reminded herself, for all she knew, he could be like that in all the aspects of his life except for those that included her.

And what will Ron think? another voice chimed in, adding to the flurry of confused thoughts in Hermione's mind at the moment. As much as he infuriates you sometimes, you can't just betray him like this, especially after that argument. He's probably going spare at home, wondering where you are. You can't just -

Hermione bit her lip. 'Since when has such a simple decision been so hard to make?' she exclaimed out loud in frustration.

'What's that?' said Shadow.

Hermione blushed. 'No, I don't think I will today,' she said quickly, before her mind could become jumbled up again. She breathed an inward sigh of relief. 'Perhaps next time we will. I've - I've got to get on home.'

For a split second, Hermione could have sworn she saw Shadow's lips tighten in anger, but then he simply nodded and said, 'Let's go back down.'

---

'So,' said Hermione as she gazed at Shadow through the silken material of her Invisibility Cloak, 'I suppose it's time for me to leave.'

Upon returning to the ground, the two of them had silently returned to the run-down shack to put their brooms back. Afterwards, they had talked about the holidays (to Hermione's dismay, Shadow had confirmed that he would be spending Christmas alone) as they walked back through the woods and to the bench they had sat down upon earlier. Though the mood had stayed light throughout the conversation, Hermione couldn't help but feel as if something had changed in the way Shadow spoke to her - almost as if he had become more reserved, more tightly wound up. This minor alteration alone had left Hermione feeling almost grateful to be leaving as she stood there, facing Shadow and bidding him farewell.

'I'll write to you soon,' Shadow promised. He hesitated, then added, 'Happy Christmas.'

'Happy Christmas to you too,' said Hermione. Without thinking, she leaned forward and hugged him. 'By the way - I might have known Harry Potter in my school years too,' she whispered in his ear before letting go, taking a few steps backwards, and Apparating away.

Hermione had been concentrating so diligently on the image of her bedroom in the Burrow, however, that she failed to catch the last thing Shadow's eyes saw before she disappeared: the flash of a red-and-gold striped scarf as she pulled away from him.