Hermione Granger and the Time of Troubles

If Ron Weasley ever had any doubts that there were many, many people in the world who cared for him, all of those reservations had to have been washed clean away when he hobbled into the Great Hall after his six week absence. Loud applause, catcalls, whistles, and hoots of joy assailed the ears of the crowded hall, but four-fifths of the people didn't mind the loud noise. They were all just too glad to see Ron Weasley alive and well.

Ron blinked with surprise at the standing ovation he was receiving and he flushed to the very roots of his crimson hair, his ears burning a vivid red. He ducked his head sheepishly at the massive amounts of attention he was receiving but his wide grin betrayed that he was really enjoying himself. Harry had a wide smile of his own as he helped Ron take a seat at the end of the Gryffindor table. The splint had been taken off Ron's injured leg, but he was still having a bit of trouble walking long distances, climbing stairs, or more strenuous movements such as those. Several Gryffindors, Hufflepuffs, and Ravenclaws clamored out of their seats to give Ron a proper greeting but only two Slytherins slunk out of their seats. Well, three people physically, but two of them shared a brain, so technically, two. However, they didn't get very far.

Hermione had hung back the moment she had arrived in the Great Hall with her two best friends because she knew that Malfoy was going to attempt to humiliate her Ron and ruin his first day back at Hogwarts. She waited until Malfoy had passed her before calling attention to her presence.

"I wouldn't go over there if I were you,"

Malfoy let out a disgusted sigh as he snapped his fingers to stop his lumbering cohorts from proceeding over to the Gryffindor table. "Do I really care what a Mudblood thinks?" he drawled out slowly.

"You should," she replied evenly. "Ron just survived being tortured by wizards stronger, scarier and more talented than the likes of you so do you really think he's going to give up that," she pointed towards the crowd hanging on his every word, "to use the new curses that he undoubtedly learned by spending six weeks with Death Eaters on a little ferret like you?"

"Weasley couldn't hurt a bowtruckle," Malfoy scoffed.

"You sure about that?" Hermione asked with arched eyebrows. "From what I understand, you didn't think that a Muggle-born could beat you in every single class or earn more O.W.L.s than a pureblood prick such as yourself, but," she shrugged impishly, "you obviously have some impaired critical thinking skills--must be due to the years of inbreeding,"

The Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs seated near her and Malfoy let out several loud guffaws and Hermione smiled thinly with triumph while Malfoy's cheekbones blazed hot pink. She turned her back on him and sailed past Crabbe and Goyle without a glance over at those goons. She turned around once she passed him and walked backwards so Malfoy could see feel the full impact of her deadly glare that made first-years cower. "Oh, and stay away from Ron unless you'd like to feel this bashing into your ugly little face again," She held up her hand threateningly for a moment before flouncing over to the Gryffindors.

Ron was too busy entertaining his numerous fans by showing off his war wounds and Harry was too absorbed in Ron's tales to realize that Hermione had only just slipped into an available seat. In fact, the only one who recognized her late arrival was the girl now taking the vacant seat next to her, leaning forward, and lowering her voice.

"So how is he doing, really?"

Hermione looked at the younger girl in surprise. "Just fine, Luna--see for yourself."

Luna frowned faintly as she studied Ron carefully with those disturbingly striking wide eyes. "I don't know," she said slowly and deliberately. "Ronald's been through a great deal--you can't expect someone to undergo an ordeal like that and not be altered by it."

"How do you mean?" Hermione asked, honestly wanting to know what this girl thought. Luna always seemed to be right about these things.

Luna's eyes were now boring into hers. "Have you really gotten over what happened at the end of last term?"

"Well--no," Hermione admitted. Every now and then, she still was plagued with the nightmare of Dolohov and Percy, not to mention the horrid biting pain that would flash across her chest when she got too emotional.

"Nor I," Luna revealed. "And I know for certain that Ginny and Harry are still afflicted with wounds of past pain, am I right?" Hermione nodded, her stomach starting to clench. "This is going to change him," Luan concluded sagely. "And it may not be for the better."

**

Hermione was so relieved to have Ron back that she promptly forgot about Luna's ominous prediction and happily dived back into her busy life of Hogwarts.

But that blissful ignorance lasted only a week until one horrible night a week after Ron's return to Hogwarts. That was the night when everything came out in the open and although Hermione Granger always sought out the truth, a part of her rather wished that that truth had remained locked away, buried six feet under with a security troll stationed direction atop it to make sure it was never dug up. It was always good to know the truth, but not when the truth ended her world as she knew it.

Malfoy had catalyzed the incident, of course. It had been directly after the weekly prefect meeting when it happened. Malfoy had heeded her warning to stay away from Ron although Hermione was aware that Harry had made a similar threat to Malfoy the same day she had. But obviously, the double threat of Harry and Hermione's wrath was no longer strong enough to prevent Malfoy from casually sticking out his fat foot as they walked by in an attempt to trip Ron's wounded leg. Fortunately, Hermione had been the one walking on the side closest to Malfoy so she was able to nimbly skip over the offending shoe and guide Ron out of harm's way. The stiffness of the injury however hindered Ron's adeptness so Hermione was quite unable to prevent Ron from stumbling slightly.

She didn't want to make a scene now because it would undoubtedly come out that she had ordered Malfoy to stay away from Ron and she knew that would greatly damage Ron's already unsteady pride. So she simply steadied him without even glancing over at Malfoy. "You all right?" she asked quietly so only he would hear. Ron nodded but his eyes weren't cast in her direction--they were narrowed in agitation in Malfoy's direction.

It appeared that there was going to be quite a scene.

"Haven't seen you since you came back, Weasel," Malfoy drawled. "Just wanted to say hello--I would say good to see you, except that it's not," He tilted his head maliciously to meet Ron's glare dead on. "Actually, I rather fancied the thought of you never coming back,"

Ron's fists were clenched so Hermione quickly wrapped both of her hands around one of them to remind him of her presence. He knew she wouldn't stand by and let him fight. Ron jerked, trying to free himself but she clung fast. "Funny," Ron said tightly. "The thought of never seeing you again was the only bright point of the whole bloody kidnapping."

Malfoy ignored the jibe. "How is your porky mother and that pathetic father of yours doing with you back--I should think that your medical bills should be quite a burden on them," His eyes swept critically up and down Ron. "Let's see, hobbled leg, mutilated arms, mental instability--oh wait, you already had that...probably comes to a thousand Galleons or so..."

"Hermione, please," Ron begged out of the corner of his mouth.

"Maybe they'll sell that shack of yours," Malfoy suggested. "But then there's still 999 Galleons to go..."

"No," Hermione hissed back.

"They're probably going to have to resort to selling that little sister of yours or a couple of your brothers," Malfoy hypothesized cruelly. "I don't think Perry or whoever would fetch such a good price--but that sister of yours..." He licked his lips perversely.

Ron tried to lunge again but after Hermione successfully yanked him right back, a satisfied smile softly crossed Ron's face. "Well, at least I have a family to sell," he retorted in such a quietly intense voice that everyone who was clustered around them let out an "oooh!" to express how impressed they were. Malfoy's shoulders tensed up in rage at Ron's comment so Ron continued on. "How is your father these days, Malfoy? Insane yet?" As Malfoy's face grew brighter and brighter pink, Ron's confidence skyrocketed and he relaxed in Hermione's tight grip. "I would have loved to pass messages between you and him while I was hanging out with your Death Eater friends, but damn it," Ron stomped his foot with obviously feigned disappointment, "he's in prison. For life." He shook his head. "Pity."

Ron took his eyes off Malfoy for the first time since the confrontation had begun. "Come on, Hermione," The crowd around them parted to allow them to pass, but Malfoy's voice held them back.

"Quite alright, Weasley--I wished I could pass messages between you and Granger here while you were away but I'm afraid every time I saw her, our lips were rather occupied doing different things, if you know what I mean."

Hermione's own rage boiled to a breaking point but she was able to exercise a great deal of self-control and concentrate solely on pushing Ron away. She knew Ron and she knew that this comment would push him over the edge.

But Ron only halted for a brief second, muscles tense with furious ire. He then relaxed while allowing Hermione to steer him away from the fight.

"Doesn't matter to me who she kisses,"

Everyone turned to gape at Ron in shock, including Hermione herself.

He didn't care who she kissed?

She would have simply thought that Ron was pretending to be unaffected by Malfoy's words but there was something in his posture and voice that told her that it wasn't true. His eyes were rather saddened by the thought of not caring about who Hermione dared to kiss, but she truly believed that he had meant what he had just said. But that was ridiculous--boyfriends should always care about who their girlfriends kissed!

Hermione pushed Ron out of the crowd and he pulled free from her grip and strode off almost nonchalantly ahead of her. She came to a stop and watched him go, a sick feeling clutching the pit of her stomach. What was going on with that boy?

Luna's throaty voice echoed eerily in her troubled mind.

"This is going to change him. And it may not be for the better."

She gasped slightly as she watched him turn the corner and disappear. Why hadn't she seen it before--of course there was something wrong and that something was their relationship.

Ron was changing and Hermione couldn't figure out why, perhaps it was because she barely had the chance to say five words to her boyfriend for the past week. She knew that he was busy catching up on schoolwork, going to his required daily treatment and physical therapy sessions with Madame Pomfrey, attending meetings with Dumbledore, the Order, or Aurors in order to retell his story over and over again so they could attempt to catch the horrible people who had done this to him, not to mention his classes, homework, and prefect duties. But the little free time that he managed to have, he never would spend it with her. He always made sure to spend time with Harry or Ginny and other Gryffindors and he was always very kind to her but they never had time alone. It was as though they had reverted to being just friends again.

She had been worried that Ron was going to get an inflated head with all of the attention he was receiving, but she was most proud when he didn't. He enjoyed the attention, yes, but he acted very maturely about it. He would answer their questions, show the scars, and tell the stories, but he wouldn't seek out their approval as he had done earlier that year with his claim to fame in Quidditch. But honestly, if she had to choose between a bigheaded boyfriend or an inattentive friend, she thought she would opt for the bigheaded boyfriend. At least the bigheaded boyfriend recognized her presence every once in a while.

She could have understood him pulling away from her if they hadn't been so close in the hospital. She had ended up sleeping in his bed all three of the nights he had been held there, not to mention the few days they spent at Grimmauld Place. She hadn't left Ron's side and he had been all to happy to keep her nearby. But ever since they returned to school...something changed and unless they discussed it, it could be permanent.

Damn Luna Lovegood for always being right!

Hermione could hear Malfoy cackling behind her but she forced herself to exercise her great deal of self-control; she only slapped him once in the face before sprinting down the corridor to find Ron.

She didn't have to look very far. As she rounded the corner she had watched him turn at only a few minutes before, he was only a few yards away, muttering angrily, his face flushed. He raised his fist to furiously punch the stone wall, but luckily Hermione got their in time to grab his wrist. He started at first at the sudden touch, but he relaxed noticeably when he realized it was her.

Their shoulders were heaving in identical irregular rhythms from lack of breath. Hermione gently tried to discern what was going on in Ron's head but he shook his head at her attempt and looked away. In fact, he hadn't really looked at her in a long time. She could feel his anger practically radiating off of him, but there was a great deal of other unknown thoughts and emotions that were clouding his mind. She glanced down at the wrist she was holding and she winced slightly when she saw the bloody knuckles. Apparently, Ron had been hitting the wall while she had been hitting Malfoy.

"You shouldn't have done that," Hermione commented sympathetically as she stroked the cut flesh and wiped away the still free-flowing blood.

"It's fine," Ron mumbled, wrenching free.

She swallowed hard. This was only reinforcing her terrifying suspicion and the only thing to do now was to either dispute her theory or prove it to be true. "Ron, what's the matter?" It wasn't an accusatory or angry remark--it was soft, concerned, and honestly curious.

Ron opened his mouth to give an apparent typical, sarcastic retort but he stopped dead when he met her eyes for the first time. "I'm sorry," was all he had time to get out before becoming overpowered with the needed to crush her in a tight embrace. Hermione hugged him back just as fiercely, but biting her lip at the same time when she realized this was the first hug she had had from him in over a week. "I'm so sorry," he repeated huskily, voice shaking.

Now he was really starting to scare her. She had only heard his voice this disconsolate and miserable a few times: after Percy had used the truth serum on him and when they connected empathically while he had been kidnapped. She would have thought that now the ordeal was over, the voice that broke her heart would never be heard, but obviously she was wrong.

"It's okay," she soothed, running a hand through his hair comfortingly. "It's going to be okay," Ron let out a bitter laugh and pulled away. His face was scrunched up from extreme exertion--he was fighting as hard as he could to repress the powerful emotions that were attempting to surge their way to the surface. Hermione watched him apprehensively--Ron never suppressed his feelings--something was really wrong.

"Let's go talk," she suggested with an air of lightheartedness, hoping her playful tone would make him feel better. "I know--how about we go to our place? We haven't been there in ages."

Ron shook his head in protest. "Not there--I-I want to keep that place special,"

"Don't be silly," Hermione contradicted. "Nothing can take away what we've had there."

Ron's face clearly indicated that he knew she was dead wrong, but he still allowed her to take hold of his hand and help him up the winding stairs to the top of the Astronomy Tower. He hadn't climbed that many stairs ever since his injury so he was forced to double over and catch his breath.

"Here, sit down," Hermione guided him down so he could rest his back against the wall and sit on the stone roof. She knelt down beside him, stroking his bicep in order to dissipate the goosebumps that had flared up. It was a rather mild night for January so it wasn't too horribly uncomfortable to be outdoors without their heavy cloaks. Besides, if it got any colder, there were other ways to get warm, Hermione reminded herself somewhat wickedly. She blushed slightly at the inappropriate thought that had flared up inside of her mind. They had come up here to discuss a problem--she shouldn't be thinking about the making up part yet. She didn't know why she was being so thoughtless and...well, so like a silly teenage girl...but she supposed it had to do with the intoxicating thought of finally being alone with Ron without their being in a hospital room or in a house with Ron's entire family a few floors away. She shook her head slightly; she could always act like a teenager later--right now, Ron needed her. "Better?" she asked softly as his breath returned to a normal rhythm.

"Yeah," Ron said thickly. His arm stiffened as if he suddenly realized that she was caressing him and he pulled away. His face was now too decidedly blank, as if he put on an expressionless mask of himself. Hermione's fingers froze in place and she took a deep breath before plunging into a conversation she wasn't very sure she really wanted to have.

"Ron, can you please tell me what's going on?"

"What?" Ron asked with ignorance that Hermione saw through in a second.

"Don't play dumb with me," Hermione said sternly. "Ever since we returned to school, you've been avoiding me."

"That's not true," Ron muttered while avoiding her eyes.

"Yes, it is," she insisted. "This is the first time we've been alone together in a week--don't you think that's a bit unusual?" He remained mute, stubbornly staring at the floor. "And just now, with Malfoy--not that I need you to defend me or anything, you know I'm perfectly capable of looking after myself, but I can't forget what you said," She paused in expectation of a response but he continued to remain silent. "You said you didn't care who I kissed, is that true? Because it certainly seemed like you meant it and if that's true--then-then I think we have a problem, Ron."

Ron finally raised his eyes to her but only for a brief second. He had to look away before finally speaking. "I've been thinking."

Unfortunately, he did not feel it necessary to elaborate further, much to Hermione's disappointment. "Go on," Hermione said encouragingly when he paused for several awkward moments. "What about?"

"Us."

Once again, what he obviously deemed an appropriate response was completely inadequate in her opinion. Honestly, getting Ron to orally express his emotions was like pulling teeth. "What about us?"

"I'm not sure us is a good idea."

Hermione at first thought she had misheard him--she must have; Ron would never suggest something like that. But when she laughed briefly at the thought of Ron thinking that they should break up, Ron spoke up again. "I'm serious, Hermione."

Her mouth opened and closed for a few shocked moments. Her heart was thudding so rapidly that she thought her chest was going to explode with the extreme palpitations. She was so stunned that she was knocked to a place beyond tears and although her body was physically reacting to the grief and pain, she was emotionally numb.

"Why?" she finally got out.

"There's lots of reasons," Ron sat up straighter but he still wouldn't look at her. "For one thing, we're both really young to be in a serious relationship. We're best friends so it's going to be awkward if we break up..."

"Bit late for that," Hermione interjected bitterly.

"No," Ron laid a large hand over hers and when she tried to yank away, he gripped her fingers even tighter. "We're still going to be friends--best friends--but we just aren't like that anymore,"

"Oh, are we?" Hermione tried to pull away again but he held fast, causing her to squirm uncomfortably. "Let go of me."

"Listen to me," Ron said quickly. He was willing to look at her now that he realized he was actually risking losing her forever if he didn't convince her that this was for the best. "There's a war on..."

"Oh, don't give me that rubbish!" Hermione interrupted angrily. "This bloody war is a reason to stay together, not break apart!" She waved wildly in the air to indicate the entire world. "When everything's getting torn apart by hatred and bigotry and prejudice, you need to hold onto to the people you love in order to remind yourself what you're fighting for--try reading for once, Ron, and you'll learn that love makes the world go 'round and love is going to win this war for us--honestly, look at Harry and his mum--her love ended the war last time!"

"I am considering Harry!" Ron shouted. "And I think this would be best for him. Our best friend is in the middle of a war. He needs his two best friends to support him and stand by him--he doesn't need us sneaking off to snog at every free moment!"

"Don't make us sound so sordid!" Hermione snapped. "We are--were--more than snogging and you know it!"

"There are other reasons too," Ron continued hastily. "For one thing, I don't want to be so dependent on you, Hermione--I mean, when I was gone, I didn't think I was even going to survive without hearing your voice or seeing your face and yeah, that is wonderful and all, but one thing that you taught me was to only rely on myself, remember?" Hermione nodded stiffly. "And you depend just as much on me as I do you and I--I just don't think it's good for us to be that reliant on each other--we're at an age that we need to learn independence and being with you hinders that for me, Hermione,"

Hermione gaped at him. Was he honestly expecting her to believe this?

"After all that's happened, I just have a lot to deal with and get over," Ron explained in what he thought was an earnest tone. "I can't be in a relationship when I'm so fucked up, Hermione--it's not fair to you, and it's not fair to me--I need a friend right now more than anything, not a girlfriend!"

"So let me see if I've got this right," Hermione ticked off each excuse on a trembling finger. "We're too young, we're risking our friendship, Harry needs us too much, we snog too much apparently, we depend on each other just like friends do, and you have suddenly have a fistful of emotional problems that makes it impossible for you to commit to anyone at the moment?"

"Right!" Ron threw his hands in the air and winced slightly at the gesture. "Glad you see the light!"

"No, I'm afraid I don't!" Hermione shrieked back at him. "I'm sorry, Ron, I just don't get it--in fact, I happen to think that this is the stupidest conversation we have ever had and for us, that is really saying something!"

"Well, you don't have to understand everything!" Ron roared. "You just have to accept that I'm not comfortable with this and I want it to end and that's it!"

Hermione shook her head as she slowly realized what Ron was really doing and it disgusted her so much that she found it quite difficult to remain still. "You're pathetic," she said disdainfully while climbing to her feet. "You're so afraid to have a relationship that you're desperately trying to find as many scapegoats as possible just so you don't have to face that you are in fact the problem! Don't blame this on Harry, don't blame it on the war, don't blame this on society's expectation that it's impossible for people as young as us to fall in love and be happy--if you want to blame anyone, Ron Weasley, blame yourself for being too scared to have a relationship with anyone!"

"Hey--I am not scared!" Ron defended himself while stumbling to stand without Hermione's aid since she was not willing to get anywhere near him at the moment. "You don't understand..."

"Please," Hermione scoffed irately. "You're a coward! You're scared to be intimate or let anyone in--that's why you wanted to keep this relationship a secret at fast, that's why you wouldn't let me into your empathic connection thing until it was absolutely necessary, and that's why you're standing here saying things you don't really mean!"

"Don't tell me what I feel!" Ron ordered her.

"Ron, I know how you feel about me--I felt it that night and I've always known it because I feel the exact same way towards you, you stupid git!" Hermione shouted. "I know I've never said it, but I-love-you!"

Ron sucked in a very deep breath as if he had just been hit in the stomach with a Bludger. His eyes closed and his lips moved but Hermione couldn't make out the words--the idiot was probably swearing again under his breath so she wouldn't shout at him any longer. Too bad it was a bit late for that. "I've always loved you on some level and I think in some ways, I will always love you--there is nothing or nobody in this world that I will ever love the way that I love you! It just isn't physically possible because I love you so much that sometimes I think my heart is going to burst!"

Ron had to turn his back and stare out at the view of the bleak winter landscape that was for once devoid of snow. "And it scares me too, Ron, it scares me that I know you so well and that I'm only seventeen yet I will be perfectly willing to lay down my life for you! But I don't care that it scares me so much because it excites me at the same time--I mean, I've read about love in books and everything but books for once can't do it justice," She swallowed hard. "I wouldn't trade what I feel for you for anything in the world."

Ron was pounding a fist into the stone barrier, his back still to her. She was tempted to tell him to stop so he wouldn't hurt his already injured hand any more, but she bit her tongue. "Don't make this even harder, Hermione," he begged in a low, quaking tone.

"You can give me all the excuses you want, Ron," Hermione continued fervently. "But there is only one thing you can do to convince me that you honestly don't want to be with me." She squared her shoulders, not believing what she was about to say, but knowing that he would never do it. "Tell me you don't love me."

Ron stiffened instantly. "What?"

"Tell me you don't love me," Hermione repeated. "Tell me that you don't love me, and I'll walk out of your life forever."

"I don't want you out of my life!" Ron growled with frustration. "I just want things back the way they were!"

"Fine!" Hermione shouted back. "Fine, we'll go back exactly as things were if you just look me in the eye and tell me that you don't love me!"

There was a long pause as Hermione tried desperately to catch her ragged breath. Ron still had his back to her so she couldn't tell what he was feeling. She even attempted to reach out with her mind on the off chance that she could establish an empathic link with him, but Ron blocked her so forcefully that she actually physically recoiled a step.

"Tell me you don't love me," she repeated yet another time. He continued to stare out onto the grounds and Hermione finally lost her patience. "Tell me!"

Ron jumped at her harsh tone and instinctively yelped a response. "No!"

Hermione smiled with joyless triumph. "See? You do love me!"

"No!" Ron insisted irately. "That's not why I don't want to say it!"

"Oh, really? Then why don't you?" Hermione demanded, hands on her hips. Ron still had his back to her, much to Hermione's extreme annoyance and she let out a little howl of frustration. "Ron, don't you see--it's because you can't tell me..."

"No, it's not!" Ron exploded as he wheeled around on her and their eyes met. "It's because I can!"

Hermione recoiled backwards again, her face falling as it sunk in what he was saying. Ron let out a little breath before continuing in a calmer, strained voice. "It's because I can," he repeated, "and I know it's going to kill you to hear me say it."

"Say it anyway," Hermione said in a low, furious tone. He hesitated briefly. "Say i-- "

"I don't love you,"

He said it so quickly, so matter-of-factly, as if he was asking her to pass the salt. She didn't think words spoken in such a logical, matter-of fact tone could break her heart, but they certainly did. Those four words brought her world to a bitter, miserable end. The emotional response to this whole situation was now finally kicking in at full throttle and her legs wobbled with grief. Before she knew it, she found herself seated on the ground again, arm wrapped around her midriff as she doubled over with wracking dry sobs.

"Oh shit," Ron swore as he threw himself down on his stiff knees but he ignored the sharp pain that raced up his left leg. "Merlin, Hermione, I'm sorry--I didn't mean it--just don't cry--don't do this..."

"You didn't mean it?" Hermione hissed furiously as she jerked away from his touch. "What are you playing at?"

Ron sighed heavily. "I love you as a friend," he clarified in a very forced steady voice. "But not the way you love me." Hermione closed her eyes as her breath froze in her chest. She never knew how agonizing it was to be called a friend--typically being someone's friend was seen as a good thing but now the term made her feel lower, uglier, and more useless than she had ever felt in her entire seventeen years.

"Fine," she managed to get out without breathing. "Glad we're finally being honest with each other."

"I'm sorry," Ron apologized with heartfelt-conviction. "I wish this could work, Hermione, but it just can't. We're just not meant to be."

"Fine," she repeated, pulling away as she felt his warm hands on her back once again. If she couldn't have him, she never wanted the idiot to touch her again. "Could you leave now, please?"

"I don't know, Hermione," Ron said worriedly after a slight hesitation. "I don't think you should be alone right now."

"Well, too bad," Hermione snapped. "You have no say in what I do, so please leave."

"We agreed to be friends, remember," Ron reminded her pleadingly. "And friends take care of each other."

"Friends also don't ruin each other's lives so I don't think we're very good friends right now," Hermione retorted flatly. "Think of this as one of our many fights. We may make up someday, but as of right now, we're not on the best terms."

"No, Hermione, come on, please," Ron jerked her head upwards and her eyes instinctively opened at the abrupt movement. "I need you--and you need me," He looked guilty as he continued to speak. "Do you really want you and me not to be speaking in the middle of a war again?"

Damn you, Ron Weasley, Hermione thought furiously even though she knew he was right. She and Ron had been somewhat fighting when he had been kidnapped and they knew that something equally or even more awful could happen at any moment. She had said it earlier--since there was a war on, they needed to hold on to love and friendship and family with all of their might. If she didn't have a boyfriend to lean on, she would lean on her friends. And as much as she hated to admit it, Ron was the best friend a girl could have.

"No, I don't," Hermione acknowledged dully. "But you have to understand, Ron, that right now it hurts to be around you and things can't go back to the way they were straight away..." His blue eyes were boring concernedly into her and when she looked into them, she knew that she wouldn't be able to live without him. She couldn't cut him out of her life like she was threatening. "Things will go back to normal once the pain goes away, but I am going to need some time, Ron..."

"Okay," Ron conceded slowly. "Okay." Hermione brought her knees up to her chest and dropped her forehead down atop her kneecaps and let out a shuddery sigh. She heard a scraping shuffle that could only indicate that Ron had managed to get to his feet on his own. "Shall I ask Ginny or Harry to come up?"

"Ginny, please," Hermione's voice was muffled by her school robes but she could tell that Ron had heard her.

"Right," Hermione could feel the heat radiating off his hand as he started to reach down to caress her hair as he always did whenever she was upset. But whether it was because she stiffened or he suddenly remembered, his fingertips never made contact with her. "Good-bye," he choked out before she heard his footsteps scuffle over to the doorway. The roof door slammed violently and Hermione flinched as if she had been slapped in the face. He was gone.

All of his hurtful words circled dizzily inside of her mind, but the most painful phrase of all was the one that made her very soul plummet: he didn't love her although he did love her as a friend.

But he didn't. She had felt the depth of his love for her and if that had been the love a friend, then God help the girl he did fall in love with because it would be an overwhelming, all-consuming, borderline obsession sort of love. It would be an unhealthy love because what Ron felt for her was perfect; it was what she had always wanted a boy to feel for her.

It just didn't make any sense. Either he was an emotionally unstable person whose love for another girl would consume him or he was lying to her. Hermione wasn't certain which scenario she would prefer. After being connected with him empathically, it was much more logical to assume that he was lying to her. But why? If he loved her so much, why would he hurt her like this? That didn't make any sense either. Therefore, he couldn't be lying. He really didn't love her--she must have misinterpreted his feelings. After all, she had only been really empathically connected with him once and at the time they were practically being held hostage by Percy. Out of her anxiety, she might have read too much into his thoughts. Maybe she had wanted him to love her so much that she had convinced herself that he did.

She closed her eyes, her head still spinning with all that had just happened. For once, she wished that she didn't think so much--she just wanted everything to stop; that way, she didn't have to deal with the agonizing knowledge that she loved a boy with all of her heart but he didn't love her back.

In all actuality, she honestly didn't care why he had told her that he didn't love her. What was important was that he had. Even if he did love her and had for some bizarre reason decided to lie, he had still said them. Even if he was as scared and immature as she had accused him of being, she knew Ron, and when she had fallen apart like that, he would have taken it back immediately. After all, she had thought for a minute that he had but then he had used that horrific line that he loved her as a friend--she was really coming to hate that word. He hadn't taken it back--she wasn't important enough to him to take it back. He didn't care enough about her to take it back; his reasoning was too important.

Whatever way she thought about it or tried to rationalize Ron's actions, it all boiled down to the same thing: Ron Weasley didn't love her. And she was going to have to live her life holding on to her unrequited love. Not exactly a promising thought, but now she saw it as her fate. She had thought that Ron's return home had been the end of her time of troubles, but now she saw that it had just begun. Now she had to live through this war without the love of her life at her side.

But deep down inside of her, she knew she could do it. She had years of Granger pride and individuality training and she had her own resilience, determination, and strength to get her through it. She could do it alone. The problem was she didn't want to do it alone. Hermione pressed a firm hand against her trembling lip. She could do this--she could face this. She was going to help her friends and everyone else she cared about win this war. She was going to finish school, get a job, be a witch, and be happy. Her life was going to go on.

But not tonight. Tonight, Hermione only had one task on her agenda.

She dropped her hand from her face, hugged her knees even tighter to her, and proceeded to cry her eyes out.