Rating:
PG-13
House:
Schnoogle
Characters:
Hermione Granger
Genres:
Romance Action
Era:
Multiple Eras
Spoilers:
Philosopher's Stone Chamber of Secrets Prizoner of Azkaban Goblet of Fire Order of the Phoenix Quidditch Through the Ages Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them
Stats:
Published: 03/20/2005
Updated: 11/04/2005
Words: 102,452
Chapters: 16
Hits: 32,773

Follow Through

Ann Margaret

Story Summary:
Three years after the fall of Voldemort, Hermione Granger is working as a reporter for the Daily Prophet while her longtime boyfriend Ron Weasley is off saving the world with fellow Auror Harry Potter. But when Hermione stumbles across a mystery of her very own, she starts discovering things she never knew about the war, the past, herself and more importantly, the people she thought she was closest to. Follows the Hermione Granger trilogy (Order of the Phoenix, Time of Troubles, and Beginning of the End) so please read those before diving in so you'll understand what's happened thus far!

Chapter 13

Chapter Summary:
The morning after. Hermione confronts Ron. Or does she...
Posted:
10/10/2005
Hits:
1,820


It's better this way, I say

Haven't seen this place before

Everything we say and do hurts all more

It's just that we stayed too long

In the same old sickly skin

I'm pulled down by the undertow

Never thought I could feel so low

In all the darkness, I feel like letting go

With all of the strength and all of the courage

Come and lift me from the place

I know I can love you much better than this

It's better this way

"Full of Grace" Sarah McLaughlin

**

Dear Ron,

I'm sorry I couldn't be there to speak to you today as I promised. I woke up this morning and just started writing. Most of it ended up being senseless drivel, but it helped me see what really needs to be said and what needs to be done.

First of all, I also want to apologize for not being able to talk to you coherently last night. As you can imagine, yesterday was not a very good day, and I know I must have worried you to death by acting hysterically. The last thing I ever want to do is scare you like that and I'm sorry.

I'm actually sorry for a lot of things that have been happening. I've been acting rather selfish by keeping secrets from you, too. I, who have been eaten alive by the secrets you are required to keep, either consciously or unconsciously, have been deliberately keeping things from you, primarily out of necessity, but also a little out of spite. I used to pride myself for not playing those sort of petty, silly games that girls play with boys, but I admit it, I did it a little at the Yule Ball, and I think I'm doing it now. I didn't tell you about my book because you didn't tell me about hunting Death Eaters. I didn't tell you about working with Sean Dolohov because you didn't tell me about being in the hospital multiple times. I didn't tell you when Malfoy told me about the potion I used to reverse that Memory Charm because of all the other things I knew you had kept from me.

I hate that I have been driven to this. I hate that we're in this place, where I don't know where you are or if what you're telling me is the truth or if it's a lie. I hate that I feel obligated to keep secrets from you, not just because I think you'll overreact, but also because I don't want to fight, because God only knows when I'll see you again. We're in a bad place, Ron, and after what you did to me I'm seeing it more clearly than ever. In some deluded way, I'm almost glad that you did what you did. I guess you can say it's the straw that broke the giant's back. It's finally driven me to see what problems lie within our relationship and what needs to be done to rectify them.

It's not the act itself of you willingly lying to me and putting a Memory Charm on me again that angers me, although it certainly does. I know your heart was in the right place, and you just wanted to protect me. But you can't take my life in your hands, Ron. We've had this fight before, and it's because of your interference that we broke up. You know that I'm yours, but no matter how committed I am to you, it is still my life. We may share that life one day, but a part of it is still mine. You have to talk to me first, and we have to make decisions together. If we don't, we're just going to keep ending up in this place.

It makes me think that you haven't learned anything from the last time we were here. It makes me feel that you don't respect me enough to let me make my own decisions. I know this could be construed as an overreaction, but I can't help it, Ron. That's how I feel. It may have a large part to do with all of the other things I'm feeling right now, but that's how it is.

And to understand that, I suppose I have to tell you about everything else.

I miss you, Ron. I miss you a lot. I understand a lot of what Ginny was telling us about why she was drawn to Malfoy, because I feel the same way. I don't feel complete without you. Ginny deals with that loss by looking to other people for solace. I turn to myself, and to my career. It's sustained me for a while, but it won't any more. I need something more in our relationship. I've cherished the past three years we've spent together, Ron, but I don't feel like we're moving toward anything. It's as though our relationship is in a state of stagnation and will never change. We have a beautiful life, but I want it to be even greater. You know me: everything has to be perfect. And as superficial and trite as it may seem, I want the basic things that every girl dreams about. I want a family. I want a marriage. I want a marriage with you, but I don't think that you're ready or even able to give that to me.

I know you love me, Ron. Merlin, even when you're gone, your love touches me everyday. I don't think it's possible for anyone to love another person so much, and I don't know why I'm so lucky to be blessed to have experienced what we have. But it's time to go to another level. It's time to make the next step. The question is, are you ready?

You love your job almost as much as you love me. I can feel it, and I'm so happy you found it, so please do not interpret this as a plea for you to quit. I'm so happy that you have something you can dedicate yourself to. I guess I'm just a little jealous. Being an Auror has changed you, Ron. You're different now. You're loads more confident, because you finally know how brilliant you are. I don't want you to lose that, because I know you're happier about yourself now. But it's almost like--well, you're more like Harry in some ways. But the problem is, Ron, that I didn't fall in love with Harry, did I? I fell in love with you. And if you've changed, maybe your taste in some things has changed, too.

Your job has changed you, Ron. You can't deny that. It's still very new to you, and like when you're in a new relationship, I think you're still completely infatuated with your job. You have every right to devote yourself so entirely to your career. It's just that you used to give that sort of attention to me, and it makes me wonder if you would rather remain a bachelor who is totally wrapped up in his job and spends time with his girlfriend whenever he is able. You certainly seem to be very happy with our current arrangement, all recent complications aside, which is probably why I've been so reluctant to bring it up. But I can't hide from it any longer. I want something more.

For starters, I have to know more about you, about your job, about anything and everything. You claimed to have told me everything, yet you carefully omitted that the Malfoys had been making death threats against us. I know there are secrets involved in your profession, and even if you can't tell me everything, I understand that. But you still have to tell me about you. You have to tell me if you've been hurt or if you're feeling frustrated, even if it's just to say 'I can't tell you something, but I'm just really frustrated now, and I have to talk about it.'

Goodness, this sounds so stupid to see it written down like this, but I'm sorry, Ron, this is what I think. I want you to tell me everything you possibly can, even if you think it's stupid and unimportant. If we are supposed to share a life, we have to share us. You've always been willing to give yourself to me much more readily than I to you, which is why this is upsetting to me. Lately, I don't feel that connection as deeply any more. The empathy is and will always be there, but just because I can feel what you feel doesn't necessarily mean that's all I need to know. I want to know why you feel that way, and what I can do to help if you're feeling upset or how to celebrate with you if you're particularly elated. I guess what I'm saying, Ron, is that all I want is you. As silly as that sounds, it's true. I want you, and right now, I'm not sure I have you.

So, I suppose what I'm asking is, what do you want? In your future, what do you want? Have you thought about it? If you haven't, please do. And when you know what you want and you realize that what you want isn't what I want--it hurts to even write it--but then this has to end. I love you, Ron, but if you don't want marriage and a family, then we have to end this.

Please, please, think long and hard about this. I know you're busy as always, but maybe you could even take a few days off of work to clear your head and avoid any distractions. I think it would be good for you. I won't be here to distract you. By the time you've read this I'll have already left. I'm going on a business trip to attend to a few things and will be out of the country for at least a week. I think it would be good for both of us to give each other some space to reevaluate. And please don't feel obligated to say that what you want is what I want, Ron. If you really don't want to get married and start a family, you need to say so. You can't sacrifice what you want, not even for me.

Please think about what I've said. I'm sorry I couldn't say this to you in person, but I think you know that I tend to lose my head whenever you're around, and we have to stay rational about this. So, until then, take care of yourself, think things over, and I'll owl you as soon as I get back to England.

All of my love,

Hermione


Author notes: Come on, did you really expect anything less than a cliffhanger? But this is the last cliffhanger of this fic, I promise.

Next up: where does Hermione go?