Harry Potter and the Book of Shadows

Ginny's Secret

It was difficult to act normally during breakfast the following day. Harry and the others tried to mimic the odd combination of confused and indifferent expressions of the rest of the students, acting surprised when Lee told them Dunn had 'run off' the night before.

"Yeah, someone said he left for some family emergency but if you want to know what I think," Lee leaned forward conspiratorially, "I think Snape scared him off."

Hermione gave Lee a look. "I doubt Professor Snape is that obsessed." She ignored Harry's snort of distain. "Why would you think that, anyway?"

"Because now Snape's the Dark Arts teacher till the end of the year," Lee said with a superior smile.

Ron dropped his fork. "WHAT?"

A sudden rush of fear snaked through Harry's veins. "How do you know that?"

Confused at their reaction, Lee shrugged. "That's what I heard."

"From a Slytherin?" Ron guessed.

Lee frowned. "They're not all like Malfoy, you know."

"Who's teaching Potions, then?" Ginny interrupted.

"Not sure," Lee admitted. "Persephone would be my guess." Getting up he said, "We'll know soon enough. See you later."

The foursome looked at one another as Lee left. An icy feeling in the pit of his stomach prompted Harry to ask, "You don't think Snape..."

"No, I don't," Hermione broke in emphatically.

Ron looked at her in disbelief. "How can you defend him? He's been nothing but awful-"

Hermione held her chin up. "Just because it's the easy answer doesn't make it the right one."

"He wasn't at the meeting last night," Harry said quietly.

"What was that?" Ginny asked.

"The meeting last night. Snape wasn't there," Harry repeated.

"That doesn't make him a murderer!" Hermione insisted in a loud whisper.

Ron gave her a funny look. "Why are you on his side all of a sudden?"

Exasperated, Hermione shot back, "Why do you always jump to the same conclusions? Do you really think after all this time he'd suddenly decide to kill another teacher for their job in the middle of the school year? Especially with You-Know-Who back? That just doesn't make any sense! If you'd just take ten seconds to actually think-" With a frustrated noise she stopped herself.

"It might not be that much of a jump," Harry said slowly. When his friends turned to him expectantly, he added, "It might not even be about the Dark Arts job. You know he's been looking for something in my mind, even outside Occlumency practice. What if he managed to find out something about Dunn or what we found out about the Book of Shadows? What if he told Voldemort that Dunn might know something?"

Looking upset, Hermione admitted, "I suppose that might be possible. But you said he hadn't found what he was looking for."

"It didn't seem like he did," Harry said. "But that doesn't mean he didn't find out something. I'm going to find out what he was looking for tonight."

Hermione looked as if she wanted to dissuade him, but kept quiet. Ginny frowned. "Do you think it's safe?"

Harry thought very little felt safe at the moment. "That hardly matters. Maybe we should get an extra practice in before my lesson, though."

Ron and Hermione grimaced.

"We have a prefect meeting after last class," Hermione said. "The next Hogsmeade visit is tomorrow. And with Dunn... I'm pretty sure McGonagall wants to talk to us about more than just reviewing the rules for trips outside of Hogwarts."

Shooting Hermione a significant look, Ron said, "If we get out quick, we can come and meet you."

"Who knows," Harry interjected, "since you know about the Order, she might even let you know what's really going on. That might be even better than helping me practice. See if you can get her to tell you anything."

They both looked dubious at their ability to persuade McGonagall, but nodded. Raising his eyebrows at Ginny in silent question, Harry felt a small relief coupled with an odd apprehension when she nodded to indicate she would practice with him alone after their last class.

As they collected their books and parchments to head to their first class, Ron sighed. "Well we're about to see if Lee was right anyhow."

Giving them a sympathetic look as the trio headed down to the dungeons and Potions, Ginny bid them goodbye in the front hall.

It was clear Lee's guess had been right as soon as they walked into the familiar Potions classroom, as Persephone was sitting at the front of the room in Snape's usual place. Harry wondered why Dumbledore, who had refused Snape the Dark Arts position for as long as Snape had been teaching at Hogwarts, would suddenly allow him the opportunity. Perhaps they just couldn't find anyone on such short notice, or perhaps they'd asked Persephone to take that class and she had refused. Whatever the reason was, Harry pushed the anxiousness about a Defense Against the Dark Arts class with Snape aside. He could worry about it when they had that class later that afternoon.

It was clear everyone expected the class to be more like tutoring than Snape's typical uncomfortable lesson. Draco sat in his usual place at the front, alternately throwing superior looks to his friends and hateful ones at Persephone. Harry wondered if he or his father had had a hand in Snape's sudden appointment to Dark Arts professor. When it seemed everyone had arrived and settled in their usual places, Persephone waved her wand and the day's lesson appeared on the board.

"This is today's potion," she said in a flat tone. "When you are through, place your sample on the desk. If you finish early, you are free to go."

"Maybe it's not just Snape," Ron whispered to Harry. "Think being in the dungeon all the time is what makes him look so awful?"

Getting a good look at their substitute teacher, Harry saw his point. She looked even worse than she had the day before. Her hair was lank and stringy and her complexion pale and sallow. He thought she looked exhausted. Remembering she had been walking down to the village every day, Harry unobtrusively watched Persephone as he gathered his ingredients. Was she somehow involved with Dunn's murder?

Snape had managed to use Occlumency from across the room, giving Harry an idea. He'd been sharing her nightmares which made him think it might work between them. Once he got his potion going, he concentrated on the Assistant Caretaker. Focusing his mind, he tried to see into her thoughts.

An odd sensation filled his head, like a thick sludge pouring over his brain. Harry couldn't pick out any distinct memories or thoughts from the slurry of confusion he felt. He could only feel a haze of hurt and frustration. Attempting to sense the feelings behind the disorder, all he could discern was the same hollow sort of pain and an underlying current of desperation held carefully in check.

Utterly confused by this, Harry blinked and went back to his potion. Nothing he felt seemed to indicate she had anything to do with Dunn's death, though Harry had no way to be sure. All his attempt had revealed was that she obviously felt miserable about something. From what they'd overheard at Number Twelve, he figured it might have something to do with Snape and Lupin, but she couldn't actually like Snape, could she? Shuddering at the thought, Harry went back to his potion. As the class went on and Persephone did nothing more than sit behind Snape's desk and stare vacantly, he had the brief worry maybe what he'd seen was her slowly losing her mind. Why she would be, he couldn't imagine. It might explain why she would ever have feelings for their former Potions professor, however.

Though Hermione placed her completed potion in front of an indifferent Persephone long before him or Ron, she waited patiently at her table for them to finish. They set their samples on the desk only a few minutes early, but took Persephone's lack of concern that others had already left the classroom as a sign she had meant what she said about not having to stay.

"So, anything?" Hermione asked as soon as they were in the hallway.

Blankly, Harry replied, "What?"

"Well, you were obviously trying to use Occlumency during class. So did you see anything useful? What were you even looking for?" she asked.

Blinking, Harry said, "Ginny said Persephone's been walking down to Hogsmeade every day. I was just wondering if she knew anything about Dunn."

"Did you see anything?" Ron asked.

"No." Harry debated whether to ask what they thought of the slurry of confusion her thoughts seemed to be drenched in, but decided against it. His friends most likely wouldn't have any better idea than he and it seemed an unnecessary invasion of her privacy.

Charms was a struggle to sit through. Right after lunch they had Defense and Harry, at least, was worried Snape would try to use the class against him somehow. Would he bring up Occlumency as a subject then try to use it against Harry? Surely Dumbledore had set rules to protect the students, but would Snape follow them? Dumbledore also trusted Snape far more than Harry did, which left him feeling less than reassured. Needless to say, no one ate much at lunch and the air among the students headed to sixth year Defense Against the Dark Arts was subdued.

Filing into the classroom, Harry and Ron regretted their decision at the beginning of the year to sit near the front. The fact Snape pinned Harry with a malevolent glare the second he walked in did not allay their fears at all. Once everyone had settled into their seats and an uneasy silence, Snape took a moment to scrutinize the class. Most students tried not to squirm under his glare, but Harry noted several of them, Neville included, looked as if they wanted to flee the room at the first opportunity.

Resisting the urge to try Occlumency against Snape, Harry tried not to flinch under his glowering gaze. Dismissing Harry for the moment, Snape faced the class. "From Professor Dunn's notes, I've gathered you were working with Elementals."

Several students nodded hesitantly, regretting it as Snape sneered at their confirmation. "It was not a question." Sweeping past a shaking Neville, he continued, "From what I read, Professor Dunn had you conjuring Elementals as playmates."

Harry wasn't the only one who caught the derisive tone of Snape's voice. He half-expected Hermione to speak up and defend Dunn, but she wisely kept silent, her eyes focused on her notes.

"Today you will continue with your Elemental work." A surprised gasp followed this, most students expecting Snape to either bore them to death with tedious bookwork like Umbridge or try to kill them with illegal hexes.

"However," Snape's voice was sharp, "you will conjure your Elemental with a distinct purpose in mind. If we are going to waste time on archaic magic, it will at least result in something useful. Your Elemental must perform a specific and practical task. Merely prancing about the desk will not be acceptable."

In a show of pure bravery, Dean raised his hand. "What sort of task will be acceptable?"

A scornful smile crossed Snape's face. "With your extensive background on the subject, I daresay you will be able to come up with something."

Harry wondered if Snape was being deliberately vague in the hopes of continuing his trend of failing Gryffindors in all his classes. Or, if he wanted to make himself look better by indicating Dunn hadn't taught them anything useful in his stint as Dark Arts professor. He certainly wouldn't put it past Snape to work any angle that might allow him to keep the position into the next school year.

Conjuring the little dirt-worm was no problem. It was telling it what to do once he did that was. Harry looked at the little oval of earth and racked his brain to find something for it to do that Snape would deem useful. Mimicking him, the little dirt worm tipped its oval head to one side and made a furrow-frown as Harry thought. Snape wants you to be useful, Harry thought, to do something practical.

Its frown deepening, the dirt worm seemed just as much at a loss as Harry. Snape walked by, casting contemptuous looks at the hesitant attempts made by most of the class. Pausing in front of Ron, he asked, "How well can you control your Elemental, Weasley?"

Watching his water-snake make lazy circles across the desk, Ron replied, "Well enough, I suppose."

The water-snake suddenly made a beeline for Harry's desk, gracefully arcing over the empty space between the tables. Too late, Harry saw it intended to land square on his stack of parchments, to ruin half a year's worth of notes. To his, and Snape's, surprise, Harry's dirt worm sprung into action just as quickly, instantly gathering dust motes from the desk and floor to add to its bulk. The worm became a low wall, effectively barricading Harry's notes against the water-snake's attack.

Shaking off his shock, Ron concentrated on his Elemental and called it back to his desk. Snape gave Harry a grudging look of approval and moved on. Hermione has witnessed the whole thing and simply raised an eyebrow at them both.

Everyone was relieved when the class was over. Somehow, Harry and his friends had managed to get through the whole lesson without getting detention. With the first class with Snape over, Ron chose to view the staff rearrangement in a positive light.

"At least I'm done writing tedious Potions essays, right?"

Privately, Hermione thought Snape's harsh treatment of Ron had vastly improved his overall performance, but she kept the thought to herself. The boys plopped into their usual chairs in History of Magic, fully intending to sleep through the class. Tired from the stress of worrying over them, Hermione didn't protest, wondering if dozing through one class wasn't such a bad idea, after all.

The trio split up in the hallway after History of Magic let out. Waving goodbye to Ron and Hermione, Harry wondered if practicing with Ginny would be helpful at all before his lesson with Snape. Spying a bright head making its way down the corridor toward him, he figured it couldn't hurt, in any case.

"Ready to practice?" Harry asked, suddenly feeling nervous.

Pasting on a smile, Ginny replied, "You bet."

They walked to the Room of Requirement without saying much. Harry tried to act nonchalant, telling himself he didn't want anyone to wonder where they were going. They took a roundabout route that gave the impression they were headed to the lockers. Ginny figured any casual observers would think they were going for extra Quidditch practice.

After they slipped in the door, Harry saw it now had an interior lock. When Ginny turned the key and set it on the small table next to the entrance, she said, "I was thinking about how many people were in DA Club. Who knows if they use the room for other stuff, too?"

"Good point," Harry agreed. "What about Hermione and Ron?"

Shrugging, Ginny replied, "You really think Hermione will be able to cut their meeting short?" When Harry frowned, she added, "They can always knock."

Laying their robes aside, they took stock of the room. Harry noted the piles of soft cushions scattered in heaps around the room. In silent agreement he and Ginny spread the pillows around, hoping neither one would need them. Nervous, they faced each other. Harry had left his wand in his robe pocket, knowing it wasn't going to be any use to him. Ginny held hers tightly, her hand shaking slightly.

"Ready?" Harry asked. Ginny nodded.

Forcing himself to relax, Harry waited for her to cast the spell. It was stronger than he'd expected, but still a far cry from Snape's capabilities. Mentally prepared, he waited to see what memories she would try to use against him. A familiar tune sounded in his head, but he couldn't immediately place it. Sensing his distraction, Ginny called forth the memory of the Yule Ball and Harry suddenly felt as if he were once again in the Great Hall dancing uncomfortably with Parvati.

Confused as to why Ginny had chosen that particular memory, Harry allowed her to continue. The awkward opening dance drew to a close and they and the other champions stopped swirling about the floor. Catching sight of Ron glowering at Hermione and Krum, he wondered if Ginny was trying to find out something for Hermione. Then, somewhere in the back of his mind, something else stirred. Refocusing, Harry ignored the rest of the Yule Ball memory and tried to focus on what Ginny had turned her attention to. Suddenly aware Harry was no longer distracted, Ginny focused harder on the new image she'd latched onto.

Harry realized she was watching Harry and Cho in the Owlery, the day he'd asked her to the Yule Ball. Why would Ginny want to see that? Remembering a bit of one of the texts he'd found, he realized Ginny was trying the technique called 'Side-Stepping'. Shutting her out of that embarrassing moment from his past, Harry tried to hold Ginny at bay long enough to try to remember what the book had said about the method.

He hadn't read about it carefully, being more interested in blocking memories than finding them, but he did recall the basic idea. Side-Stepping used the interconnectedness of a person's memories and the connection between minor things in them to allow an Occlumens to jump between seemingly random memories, disguising their true intent. Thinking Ginny might be building toward what happened in the cemetery and Cedric's death, and possibly Sirius' from there, he immediately began to force her out.

Just as he felt her initial resistance against him, Harry thought he might try finding out why Ginny had chosen that route in the first place. Allowing her to continue to the next memory- for some reason she'd chosen the first DA club meeting at the Hog's Head in Hogsmeade- Harry mentally stepped aside and tried to sense the emotion driving Ginny.

To his surprise, desire to help him was the faintest of all. Strongest was a feeling Harry couldn't quite place, but felt strangely familiar. With a jolt, he realized that part of it at least, was not unlike the feeling Snape had had when he'd attacked Harry during his Occlumency lessons. Perplexed and a little concerned, Harry forgot about trying to force her out and instead began to search for the source of her hurt and confusion.

Words were all he could get.

"I like you," Ginny said shyly. "Of course I want to help you."

"That's good, Ginny," a male voice replied. "I like you, too."

Harry knew he had heard the voice before, but where?

"Sometimes," Ginny said hesitantly, "I wish you could visit with me for real."

"I'd like that too, Ginny." The voice replied. It took on a silkier tone. "You know, if you really wanted to, I might be able to do it."

Whose voice was that? Pausing for a second, Harry sensed Ginny was still looking for something and the odd sensation they were digging though each other's minds almost made him lose his connection to Ginny's memory. He refocused.

"Really?" Harry felt Ginny's heart skip. "You mean you'd try to be with me for real? Like a...boyfriend?"

"Sure, Ginny." Something in the tone of the voice chilled Harry's blood. "It will be difficult but I think it's worth it."

Ginny had finally taken notice that Harry was no longer trying to block her, too busy watching a memory of hers. A sudden sense of panic flooded Harry's mind, and sheer terror forced him out, but not until after he'd heard:

"Just do what I say, Ginny, and we'll be together soon."

"Oh, Tom, I'll do anything for you."

The fact Harry was standing across from the real Ginny didn't help dispel the memory he'd just heard. The voice, the voice he's realized was frighteningly familiar, had been that of a sixteen-year-old Tom Riddle. The part of Lord Voldemort that had been kept in a diary and used to trick Ginny in to opening the Chamber of Secrets. The boy an eleven-year-old Ginny Weasley had let take over her mind because she'd imagined she'd fallen in love with him. He could only stare at Ginny in shock.

Ginny stared back at him in absolute horror. She dropped her wand and took a step back, her eyes wide and disbelieving. "No."

Harry felt the anger and disgust that washed over Ginny. Even without Occlumency he would have felt it. The intensity of it terrified him, more so because it wasn't aimed at him.

He took a step toward her. "Ginny."

"Don't!" Ginny yelled, backing up another step. "You get away from me!"

Tears spilled out of her eyes and she started to curl in on herself. At first Harry thought she might be furious with him for finding out, but quickly realized she was ashamed, terrified that now he knew he'd expose and abandon her. She was trying to make the decision for him, to save herself at least the pain of his rejection. Harry closed the distance between them, reaching out for her. A tiny bit of Occlumency revealed part of her wanted him to curse her and desert her, the part that blamed herself for what had happened and felt she deserved to be punished.

She swatted his hand away when he touched her shoulder. "No! Get away from me! Don't touch me!" Sobbing, she tried to push him away. "Don't touch me!"

"Ginny." Harry tried to hold her, tried to find a way to let her know he didn't blame her. "Ginny, it's okay."

"Don't touch me!" she cried, struggling to get away.

Self-loathing rolled off her in waves. Horror that she had not only allowed Voldemort into her mind, she had welcomed him. Imagined she might even love him. The devastating realization of who he really was and what she'd done was almost too much for her to bear. But she had. Alone. For almost four years.

"Ginny, you didn't know," Harry said in a soothing tone, refusing to let her go. A high-pitched cry of pain escaped her. "You didn't know. It's okay. You didn't do anything wrong."

She had stopped fighting him and went limp. Harry awkwardly sank with her onto one of the cushions. Still sobbing, she keened, "Don't touch me."

"He tricked you, Ginny," Harry murmured. "You didn't know. It's okay."

Anger welled in Harry. Anger at Voldemort for using and destroying part of Ginny's innocence, anger at himself for not finding out sooner, and anger that he didn't know how to help her now that he knew.

"I'm sorry." He felt sick he'd seen what really happened in the Chamber, that he hadn't asked sooner, and that he'd all but forced it out of her. Thoughts flitted through Harry's mind as he unconsciously rocked Ginny as she cried out almost four years of repressed self-hatred, guilt, and shame.

Was this why Ginny had broken off all her short-lived relationships the year before? Was she afraid they might have found out about her once crush on the most evil person alive? Something possessive and furious stirred in Harry at the idea someone else might have shunned Ginny instead of telling her it wasn't her fault at all. Ginny obviously thought she deserved to be rejected for what she had felt. Harry didn't know how to tell her anyone who knew anything about Voldemort wouldn't expect the unstable emotions of an eleven-year-old girl to any sort of match for him, so he just held her and let her cry.

After a few minutes Harry realized Ginny had stopped crying and was staring expressionlessly into space. He wanted to say something to fix it all but knew nothing would. Ginny closed her eyes and took a deep breath. He waited for her to tell him what to do.

Her voice hoarse, Ginny said, "You're going to be late for your lesson."

Harry shook his head. "I don't care."

"You have to go," she said.

Harry sensed she was talking about more than just being late to Occlumency practice with Snape. "I'll walk you back to Gryffindor first."

She shook her head slightly. "I think I want to stay here for a while."

"I'll come back for you, then," Harry stated.

"What about tutoring?" Ginny asked. Shame was still written all over her face. She needed time sort out how she felt now the secret was no longer hers alone.

"I'll skip it," Harry said. "She probably canceled anyway."

He was reluctant to let her go when she started to get up. She avoided his eyes when they stood.

"Will you be okay?" She certainly didn't look it. He hated to leave.

Slowly, Ginny met his eyes. Seeing only concern, a small, brave smile touched her face. "I think so."

Still loath to go, Harry collected his robe and unlocked the door.

"Harry?" Ginny's voice stopped him just as he's turned the knob. He turned, but she looked down at the stone floor. "Thank you."

"I'll come back for you," Harry said.

His mind reeled as he made his way to the dungeons. Had Ginny really thought they would condemn her for what had happened? Dumbledore had spoken with her after they'd rescued her from the Chamber. Did he know? Harry didn't think Ginny would have told him, but Dumbledore did know Occlumency. Would he have thought using it then was necessary enough to do it without telling Ginny?

Remembering what he'd said right before he, Ron, and Hermione had practiced at Number Twelve, Harry winced at how it seemed even more insensitive now. No wonder she'd slapped him. He'd gotten off easy.

To his surprise, Harry suddenly found himself at Snape's office door. He'd been so lost in thought he hadn't even checked to see if Persephone had canceled tutoring. Shrugging, he decided it didn't matter. He was skipping it anyway. Remembering what Hermione had said after Ginny had fled in tears at Grimmauld Place, Harry told himself facing Snape in his current state of mind would be a good test of his progress.

Snape seemed in no better mood than he when Harry knocked and entered. If Harry had thought Snape had been looking less sallow and unpleasant before Christmas, the effect had completely reversed since then. In fact, he looked worse than before, if that were at all possible. Thinking he ought to keep those, and all other, thoughts to himself, Harry straightened his spine and waited for the attack.

Since Snape had all but tried to physically force Harry to reveal his thoughts during a class, his cold, penetrating look and utter silence was a bit unnerving. Harry didn't know what Snape was waiting for. Obviously he thought Harry knew something important. Why wasn't he blasting through Harry's defenses in another effort to find whatever it was? Was he waiting for Harry to start? Not sure if that was such a good idea, Harry measured his breathing and waited.

Would Hermione's grade still be the best now they had a different professor for Dark Arts? The sudden question was one Harry had pondered, albeit briefly, on their way to that class earlier in the day so it didn't immediately register as a foreign thought. Nevertheless, Harry realized the thought was not entirely his own. He blinked, but Snape had not moved. This approach was different and Harry figured that with Snape, anything different was bad.

What if Granger failed the class? Harry shook off that idea right away. Even with Snape as a teacher there was no way that would happen. Not this far into the year anyway. Besides, Dumbledore would know. What if she aced it and left him after Hogwarts?

That caught Harry off guard. He could sense Snape noting a weak point. Confident he'd shaken Harry, Snape wasn't even attempting to disguise his pointed questions as Harry's own. She might, you know, the thought came unbidden. Leave you. Harry had no idea what Snape's angle was. This wasn't Side-Stepping. In fact, Harry didn't recall reading anything like this in any of the texts he'd found. Not even the one Snape had given him. What was Snape hoping to accomplish? Perhaps not what he'd hoped, as he changed tactics. Weasley never could keep up so you'll leave him behind, too. You didn't really think he'd make it into the Auror Academy, did you?

Why was Snape trying to make him think his friends were all suddenly going to abandon him? Harry knew they wouldn't. At least, not voluntarily. Since there was no active memory to step out of, Harry's attempt to sense Snape's emotions yielded a less definitive answer. He was still angry at something, but that emotion he'd sensed in Ginny was still there. Suddenly, Harry recognized it. Betrayal: The roiling bewilderment and hurt, the self-hatred directed at themselves along with confusion and suspicion they had somehow caused it. Or deserved it. Not sure what to do with that information, Harry was about to try turning the new technique back on Snape when he delivered a direct hit:

You don't really think they'll all survive, do you?

Rage poured though Harry like fire, drowning out everything else. His breathing sped up, his hands clenched into tight fists. He lost focus.

He almost got the Weasley girl, once. Maybe she'll be the first to go.

After what he'd just seen in the Room of Requirement, Harry lost it. "WHAT THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU DOING?" he roared. "How is this helping me in Occlumency?"

A look of smug triumph quickly replaced Snape's shock at Harry's outburst. "It is still extraordinarily easy to breach your mind, Potter. Have you learned nothing at all in the past year?"

Harry was ready to spit back a reply, but Snape went on, "Again and again, your friends will be your downfall. As soon as the thought they might be harmed touched your mind, it opened like a book- every thought and memory ready to be used as a weapon against you. What use will you be to your friends when your mind has been utterly destroyed by the Dark Lord? If you can't separate yourself from them, you will never survive."

"Separate?" Harry huffed, so enraged his breathing was labored. "Sep- are you MAD?"

Before Snape's sneer of derision could turn into another bout of disgusted advice, Harry's tirade continued, "They aren't my downfall! They're what's kept me alive these past five years! Every time I've needed help they were there. I've lost count how many times they've saved my skin." Memories flooded in as Harry lost himself in the defense of his friends. "Even last year, facing down Voldemort in the Ministry- thinking I'd be with Sirius in death and being happy I'd see him again was what made him get out of my head, not any of... of this!"

Harry waved his arm emphatically, knowing he was right. He caught Snape's eye and for a second, understood. For all he'd taunted Harry, saying there was no formal spell to teach in Occlumency, all along he had been teaching him only one way of using it. Not for any sinister reason, but because it was the only way he knew how it worked. For Snape, separating out everything he cared about, and pretending he didn't, protected him from Voldemort. Harry had to admit, Snape needed that kind of protection. But Snape had been right. There wasn't just one way.

"You need to forget about everything you care about. You have to pretend it's better to be alone!" Snape's surprise was the only thing keeping Harry going. Something else clicked for him then and Harry wasn't above using it as a weapon of his own. "Even when it hurts someone you actually do care about, you won't do anything because you think it'll make you weak. Have you seen her? She looks like she's dying! Don't you care at all?"

Fire flashed in Snape's eyes then and Harry knew he'd gone too far. Figuring he was too deep in it to stop, he finished, "Maybe you can forget about the people you love, but I can't. And I won't think of them as my weakness, either." Straightening, Harry turned partially toward the door. "I think I've learned all I need from these lessons."

He walked out slowly and calmly, though every instinct screamed at him to run. To his astonishment, no spell hit him in the back, no angry words or glass jars were hurled at him. Nothing. Just the ringing silence of the dungeon. Once in the hallway, he did run.

He was breathless when he reached the Room of Requirement. Knocking loud enough so he hoped Ginny would hear, but trying not to draw attention from anyone who might be wandering the halls, he called softly, "Ginny? Are you still there? It's Harry."

When there was no immediate answer, a million horrible thoughts flooded Harry's mind. Hoping she'd just gone back to Gryffindor, Harry turned to leave. To his relief, the polished door clicked open and he heard Ginny whisper, "Harry?"

Once he was safely inside, Ginny glanced at the ornate desk clock. "Your lesson shouldn't be over."

"I'm done with them," Harry said with finality. Before she could ask, he added, "No, I didn't get kicked out again. I learned all I need to know tonight. I don't need Snape's lessons anymore."

"So if You-Know-" Ginny started.

"I think I know what to do," Harry replied before she could finish asking. He was pretty sure he did, anyway. Ginny seemed to be feeling better, making Harry wonder if he should bring up what had happened before. Deciding against it, he noticed a pile of books spread out over a small table. "What have you been doing?"

Ginny sat back in the armchair where she'd been reading since Harry left. "Looking up Blood of the Betrayed, actually. Not that there's much to find."

Harry perched on the arm of the chair. "Find anything useful?"

"Nothing we don't already know, really," she said, feeling frustrated.

An idea sprung up in Harry's mind. "I wonder if Snape has any."

"What?" Ginny asked. "Wouldn't he have said something before now if he did?"

Thinking Harry shook his head. "I don't know. The Order didn't know about Dunn's notes before yesterday, they might not have known they needed it. Or Snape's been hiding it."

"You could bring it up at the meeting tomorrow," Ginny suggested.

"Or we could try to find out now," Harry said getting up. He wasn't sure they'd be able to- Snape might be locked in his office brooding and plotting Harry's demise, but chances were equally good he'd gone to his private rooms or left the castle entirely. "Too bad I don't have my invisibility cloak."

Looking unsure, Ginny got up and followed Harry out the door. "Do you think this is a good idea?"

If she had to ask, Harry was pretty sure it wasn't. Still, something compelled him to go back down to the dungeons. Pausing, he turned to Ginny. "Did Ron and Hermione ever show up?"

"No." She shook her head. "They're probably still in the meeting with McGonagall. I wonder if she told them anything."

"I doubt it," Harry muttered. It didn't matter, he'd find out the next day, anyway.

They walked in relative silence down to the dungeon. Tiptoeing down the long corridor toward the Potions classroom, Harry saw the note pinned to the tutoring classroom door. Scanning it quickly, he read Persephone had canceled tutoring permanently, but would still meet with students who thought they needed extra practice before their exams. A quick glance down the side corridor to her office revealed a low light emanating from the crack the door, but that didn't mean she was there.

Once outside the Potions classroom, they paused. Not hearing anything, Harry led the way into the dark room, edging around the desks.

"Harry, I don't-" Harry silenced Ginny's whisper with a hand.

Suddenly, voices filled the room, coming from Snape's office.

"I'm following your lesson plans to the letter." Persephone's voice sounded weary and defeated. "I haven't altered or changed anything. What do you have a problem with?"

Exchanging a quick glance, Harry and Ginny both knew they should leave but neither wanted to miss any part of the conversation. Daring to move closer and peek in, the crack between the door and the frame provided just enough space for them to see.

"You," Snape stated plainly.

"What?" Persephone stared back in confusion. "What on earth are you talking about?"

Blinking in surprise, Harry could only watch in astonishment. Snape might actually have cared about what he'd had to say? Ginny seemed surprised as well, but Harry wondered what she'd think after he told her what he'd found out during his last lesson. Harry almost laughed at Snape's expression; he was obviously not very good at this.

"Something is obviously very wrong." He indicated her appearance.

Even Harry knew that wasn't the best way to start and judging by Ginny's head-shake, she knew it, too.

Persephone's expression darkened. "I hardly see how that's relevant."

"Let me help you."

The sincerity must have caught her off guard because her face took on a look of surprise that was quickly masked by one of annoyance. "I don't need your help with teaching Potions classes. I've been running tutoring-"

Snape took a step closer. "That's not what I meant."

She took a step back. "I don't need your help."

Even without Occlumency they both heard the lie in her voice. Snape must have known it too, because he took another step closer. Persephone only had a few more steps before she was up against the rows of slimy things in jars.

She stood her ground. "You can't help me."

"I can." From where they stood they could see she looked desperate and torn. Part of her obviously wanted to run, but something kept her in place.

Ginny and Harry exchanged a glance, wondering if they should make their getaway while Snape and Persephone were occupied.

"Let me help you."

Persephone looked down, her hands clenching. "No!"

"Why not?" Frustration rang clear in Snape's voice.

Her head snapped up, her eyes furious. "Because I can't ask it of you!"

Snape stepped back as if she had slapped him. Horrified, Persephone covered her mouth with her hands as though she had just uttered the foulest curse possible.

He reached toward her. "Persephone..."

"No." She took a step backward, shaking her head. "NO!"

Harry realized she was going to run out the door and smack into them. Grabbing Ginny by the hand, he hauled her away from the door, past the desks and out into the hallway. Terrified, they paused, wondering if Persephone would come charging out any second and find them there, obviously having heard what had just gone on in Snape's office. Frantic, Harry looked around for a way to explain why they would be down in the dungeons that didn't involve spying on her and Snape. Noticing an unused classroom door slightly ajar, Harry pulled Ginny down the hallway and inside. He closed the door but didn't shut it completely, not wanting the telltale click to give them away.

Breathless, they stared at one another, still afraid Persephone might notice something amiss or hear their breathing. Or that Snape would come barreling by and take out his frustration on them. Harry racked his brain trying to think of an excuse for their being in the dungeon. Ginny seemed to be waiting to take her cue from him, tense with fear. Desperate, Harry did the first thing that came to his mind.

He kissed her.

After an initial muffled squeak of surprise, she kissed him back. Harry's first thought was Ginny was much, much better at it than Cho had been. This was quickly followed by the reasoning that she probably had quite a bit of practice with Dean and who knew who else the year before. Jealousy flared and Harry pulled her tighter. She made a breathless sort of noise and he realized he was probably crushing her. Holding her more gently, Harry felt her arms wrap around his neck and he slid his hands to her back. Her shirt had lifted slightly and he could feel soft, warm skin. Forgetting where they were and why he'd done it in the first place, several minutes passed before Harry's brain reformed the thought someone might come walking through the door at any second. Someone he would really rather not catch them.

He stepped back, trying to catch his breath. Ginny looked back at him, flushed and a bit dazed. A hesitant sort of smile formed. Still a bit dazed himself, Harry smiled back, realizing he'd really liked kissing Ginny.

Ginny.

Weasley.

Ron's sister.

His smile vanished and his eyes widened as he realized what he'd just done. He'd just kissed his best friend's sister. Ron was going to kill him. Ginny's expression had also changed and she was now looking at him rather apprehensively. Harry knew he ought to say something, and fast.

"Don't tell Ron."

He knew it was the completely wrong thing to say the second the words left his mouth. Her expression quickly confirmed that fact.

Furiously, she whirled away and marched for the door. "Don't worry, I won't!"

Knowing he ought to chase after her and say something more appropriate, Harry stared dumbly at the open door instead. The fact was he had no idea what he could possibly say to make up for what he'd actually said. He wondered why he only said ridiculously idiotic things to Ginny. Not that it mattered anymore, she was certainly never going to speak to him again. Definitely wasn't ever going to kiss him again, which Harry thought was a terrible shame because she was quite good at it.

The realization of what he'd just done, after he'd found out her darkest secret, hit him like a speeding Bludger. He'd ruined a great friendship that had only just started and destroyed any trust she might have had in him. Suddenly he wished Ron would kill him. Not caring if it was safe, Harry left the classroom in a horrible haze of self-loathing. He couldn't even ask Ron or Hermione for advice because he couldn't tell them Ginny's secret and didn't want them to know what a complete prat he'd just been. No, Ginny was going to hate him forever and there was nothing he could do. Well, he could at least apologize, Harry reminded himself, and took off at a run.

Harry caught up with Ginny halfway back to Gryffindor. She didn't slow when he called her name. Staring stonily ahead, she ignored him as he jogged to catch up.

Out of breath, he managed, "Ginny, I'm sorry."

A sardonic look was all she spared him. Even so, it couldn't mask the hurt he knew he'd caused. Wincing at his own continued stupidity, he added, "I don't know why I said that."

There was nothing he could do or say and he knew it. Voldemort should just come along and kill him now. He probably could, Harry thought despondently. Hadn't he just told Snape his friends were his greatest defense? And yet he'd been slowly driving them away since the end of the last school year and he'd just screwed up royally with Ginny. Again. He didn't stand a chance.

Suddenly Ginny stopped and faced him. She didn't say anything, just stared him straight in the eye. Caught off guard, Harry wondered if she was about to hex him into oblivion. Realizing she was trying to figure out just what he had been thinking, he forced himself not to fight her. It had become such an instinct, but he tried to relax. He didn't think projecting feelings or remorse would do him any good, so he gave her free reign to muddle through his chaotic thoughts. A part of him welcomed it since he wanted to know what he'd been thinking, too. After a moment, she seemed satisfied. Harry had no idea what she'd seen or what she'd hoped to see.

"I forgive you," she said. Her expression killed the hope that had flared in Harry. "But I'm going to be very angry with you for a while."

She stalked off down the hallway, leaving a very confused Harry to stare after her.

"Um... okay," he said to no one in particular.

Still a bit bewildered, he wandered into the common room, Ginny having arrived far ahead of him. He didn't see her anywhere and assumed she had fled up to the girls' dormitory. Ron and Hermione spotted him from their place by the fire and hurried over.

"Did something go wrong at practice?" Hermione asked immediately. "How was your lesson with Professor Snape?"

"Find out anything good?" Ron broke in.

Harry stared blankly at them.

"Harry?" Hermione asked worriedly.

"You all right, mate?" Ron looked at him in concern.

Find out anything good? Harry almost laughed. "Practice was, um, fine. I quit my lessons with Snape."

The last admission had the desired effect. "You did what?" they cried in unison.

Motioning for them to keep it down, Harry said, "No, it's fine. I finally figured out what I need to know. Besides, with Persephone teaching Potions now, there's no reason for Snape to make me do extra lessons. Cover's blown anyway. Look I, um, it's been a busy night. I think I need to lie down."

With that abrupt statement, Harry headed for the boys' dorm. Ron and Hermione exchanged a look.

"Somehow I don't think everything went fine," Hermione said. Just a few moments ago, Ginny had blown right by, not even stopping when they'd called her name. Harry hadn't even asked if they'd learned anything from McGonagall. "Should we go tell them what Professor McGonagall said?"

Scowling, Ron replied, "Hey, if they don't want to share with us, I don't see why we should tell them what we know. Harry'll find out tomorrow at the meeting anyway."

"I suppose," Hermione agreed reluctantly. Wondering what had happened while they had their meeting, the two sat back down by the fire.

Up in the boys' dorm, Harry lay on his bed staring unseeing up at the canopy. Ginny had said she'd forgiven him, and she might actually have been telling the truth. But he knew she hadn't forgiven herself. There had to be a way to fix it, he thought, there had to be some way to win back her trust. Unfortunately, he had no idea what it was.