A Day in the Life of Narcissa Malfoy

A Day in the Life of Narcissa Malfoy

7:00 Wake up time. Lucius is so tired from last night's Death Eater activities that he merely grumbles at the house elves instead of berating them. The day looks promising!

7:30 Breakfast. How dare the house elf bring me such a tray of fattening foods! Mango chunks, cucumber slices - might as well cast an Engorging charm on my hips! I wave away all the fruits and vegetables and have just a cup of lemon tea with a dollop of brandy.

8:00 Lucius gets a coded message via an owl. He tells me to make sure our guest rooms are in proper order, as we may be having family dropping by in the next few months. It had better not be cousin Theodosia, she keeps trying to steal the best silver.

8:15 I can't find Draco, he can't have forgotten that we are going shopping today! The house elves find him hiding in the garden shed, where he claims that he was doing his summer Herbology homework. We both know that Lucius is paying someone to do it for him. As punishment, I make Draco change out of his leather pants and into his robes, before we set off for Diagon Alley. The boy will never learn without consequences!

9:00 We finally arrive, via Floo Powder. Once again, Draco tries to persuade me to buy him a pet. How many times do I have to tell him I will not permit a Hippogriff under my roof? I don't know what he sees in those creatures. He finally sets off on his own to buy everything for his Hogwarts list.

9:15 I browse in Flourish & Blotts for the latest romance novels. I cannot wait until "Sari PitterPatter and the Legion of Immortals" is published - I'll make Lucius get me a copy before everyone else, I will! As if anyone of my lineage would stand in line at midnight for it! In the meantime, I purchase "Caresses Under a Vampire's Moon".

10:00 Time for a cup of tea at Ivy's Ivory Café. The waitress puts cheap brandy in my drink. I have her fired.

11:31 Draco has not shown up at the arranged time. I am about to send him a Howler, when I spy him being mean and cruel to some freckle-faced children in patched robes. My heart swells with pride!

12:00 We arrive back home for lunch. Draco makes the house elves bring him five different courses before ordering from Pendragon's Pizza. I enjoy a refreshing cup of iced tea with a few leaves of lettuce to ibble on, and just a bit of brandy.

12:30 I inspect the guest rooms, chastising the house elves for leaving marks on the furniture when they slam their heads against it. This makes them slam their heads on the furniture, which makes more marks. Can they do nothing right?

1:00 I have my afternoon nap, which is woven through with the oddest dream. I dream that a black dog is urinating against a tapestry.

2:00 Feeling refreshed, I sit down in my study and catch up on my correspondence. I have a lot of letters to write, to solicit donations for the Sports Tutorial for Underprivileged Pureblood Idle Tykes fund. It's so hard to remember whom do I threaten by having their spouses fired, and whom do I use blackmail against? But it's all for the children, so I do my best.

3:00 Lucius arrives home for tea, with the Parkinsons. The house elves have baked some truly delicious chocolate chip cookies for our guests, dipped in fudge, and I can't stop them eating them. Lucius berates the elves because the chips are not evenly spaced. Draco makes an effort to be polite to that dog-faced Pansy, and I reward him with a kiss on the cheek and permission to go play Quidditch with his little friends.

3:30 Lucius Apparates away for more Death Eater business. Thankfully, the dreary Parkinsons have another engagement and depart. I spend the afternoon embroidering a new robe for Lord Voldemort. He'll look so dashing!

6:00 Supper. A thoughtless house elf brings me fattening tomato broth with my tea and brandy. My voice gets a little bit high-pitched while I chastise the elf, and a window shatters.

7:00 More charity work. I use charms to set knitting needles making new mittens for the Death Eaters up north, then relax with a brandy by the fire.

8:30 Draco finally returns home, and he's got grass stains on his robes again. Since Lucius is absent, it is up to me to reinforce to Draco that we expect him to be well-groomed, not grubby like a Mudblood. Since I'm on a roll, I move to the topic of his fifth year OWLs, his future as a Death Eater, and eventually providing me with five adorable blonde grandchildren.

10:00 A house elf interrupts my lecture with my nightly cup of tea. Draco apologizes for his careless behaviour and says he will try harder. I send him off to bed with a tender hug.

10:30 I relax with a bubble bath. The house elf playing the harp tonight is quite good, it doesn't let its bandaged fingers miss a note. I would ask what its name is, but I don't care.

11:30 I check in on Draco before retiring to bed. My boy looks so sweet, drooling on his pillow. He's growing so fast - it won't be long before he'll be using spells to cut down whole towns of Muggles!