Abandoned Innocence

Chapter 7: Crawling In The Dark

I will dedicate

And sacrifice my everything for just a second's worth

Of how my story's ending

And I wish I could know if the directions that I take

And all the choices that I make won't end up all for nothing

Show me what it's for

Make me understand it

I've been crawling in the dark looking for the answer

Is there something more than what I've been handed?

I've been crawling in the dark looking for the answer

Help me carry on

Assure me it's ok to use my heart and not my eyes

To navigate the darkness

Will the ending be ever coming suddenly?

Will I ever get to see the ending to my story?

Show me what it's for

Make me understand it

I've been crawling in the dark looking for the answer

Is there something more than what I've been handed?

I've been crawling in the dark looking for the answer

~*~

"Foolish, foolish boy," Severus muttered as he walked briskly towards the dungeons. It was past curfew so the lower years would be in bed and with that knowledge; he carried Draco towards the common room. The chill emanating from Draco's body was biting into Severus's fingers, numbing half of his limbs. "Hang in there."

Draco was still in the realm of the dead judging by how his body was still frozen. Severus couldn't comprehend what would have compelled the boy to go into death knowing the risks involved.

The armour slid aside without prompting the Head of Slytherin for the password. Severus quickly hurried over to the couch in the barely populated common room, where he placed the stiff body in front of the blazing fire. The heat had no effect on Draco's frozen body.

Severus didn't know what to do; he paced around with his hands in his hair. He could contact Narcissa but she would blow up a storm and he didn't need any distractions at the moment.

He didn't see two of Draco's dorm mates crowding around his body until he took off his black robe to cover the ice-covered body. A large yet slender black panther prowled and climbed atop Draco's body to share the warmth of its shiny black coat.

"Get away from him, you fools," Snape barked. Hades just looked up lazily through his yellow eyes at Severus before jumping off and lying down at the foot of the sofa.

"He - he didn't go into..." Blaise trailed off.

"What does it look like, Mr Zabini?" Snape said angrily. "Did he take the potion I left for him in the morning?"

"I don't know," Blaise swallowed. "He left quite early today, I'll go and check."

"Pansy, bring as many blankets and covers as you can," he shouted at her. The remaining Slytherin didn't have to be told twice as covers were levitated from both the girls' and boys' dormitories.

"Is he going to be alright?"

"That remains to be seen, Ms Parkinson," Snape said. "Of all the idiotic things to do at the start of term, he had to go into death. Stupid, stupid, boy!"

"Shall I go inform, Mrs Malfoy?" Pansy said timidly. For a second it seemed, Snape was going to explode again but he slouched down with his back against the sofa and his head in his hands. He looked up at her and sighed.

"That would be best, Pansy."

Blaise came downstairs looking extremely pale. "He didn't take the potion, sir," he whispered. Snape turned around to see that Draco's chin was coated with frozen blood and if they didn't straighten him up, he would choke on his own blood. Without being told Blaise moved forwards and they managed to pull Draco in a sitting position, ignoring the sounds of breaking ice on his robes. "Sir, he didn't have his bells on him either."

"What?!" Snape exclaimed. He took the bandoleer from Blaise's trembling hands. "Shit, shit, shit!"

No remark was made at the Professor's use of language for Blaise knew better than to further irritate an already stressed Severus Snape. Without the bells, there was no way Draco could come back from death on his own, someone had to summon him back but not just anyone as the bells can only be wielded by a necromancer. And without them, Draco was as vulnerable as a small creature in the den of predators, to other spirits who wouldn't hesitate to possess him in order to return to Life.

The entrance suddenly slammed open and Narcissa Malfoy entered the common room, a mask of determination set on her face. Her blonde hair was untied and it flowed past her hips, her robes were the colour of midnight blue, looking every bit the regal Malfoy. She came and leant beside her son and without a word she outstretched her right hand where the bandoleer was placed.

By now every one of the Slytherins in Draco's year knew what to do as Blaise and Pansy covered their ears and cast silencing charms on themselves while moving well away from mother and son. Only Snape remained.

"You shouldn't go alone," Snape said.

"You cannot come with me and you know that." Narcissa's tone of voice warranted no argument. Snape frowned at her but she didn't look up and he eventually followed his students' example and moved away.

Narcissa took out the largest of the seven bells and made sure that no one could hear the sound of the bell's tongue hitting against the metal. She then took a deep breath and made a circular motion with her wrists, the sweet sound of Saraneth ricocheted around the room as its song lured Narcissa into Death.

Draco couldn't hold on much longer against the chilling current in Death, he was already knee deep in the water and it was slowly rising. He knew panicking will only give the river a stronger grip, he shouldn't be afraid, the river fed off fear and the moment Draco let his guard down, he would be drifted away through the first gate.

He knew the river was very manipulative, the water suddenly became warm around his thighs and it felt as if the water was cradling him. I can't fight it...so tired...Yes, he thought, there was nothing else he could do.

Draco's face was about to go underwater when he felt strong arms below his chest hauling him out of water, he couldn't see in the darkness who it was nor did he care. The grey of the first precinct in death was replaced by oblivion.

Narcissa managed to pull her son's dead weight and managed to cross into Life.

Severus watched the ice break as the still figure of Narcissa moved; he then looked at Draco and saw the ice melting away. He walked towards Draco and wiped the blood away from his face.

"He nearly got swept away by the river," Narcissa said breathless. She got up and placed her mouth over Draco's and pushed air inside his frozen lungs. His eyes opened and he spluttered dark water. Narcissa moved away to give him space to cough and breath.

"I thought I died," Draco said as he tried to inhale as much oxygen as possible. He let Hades rough tongue wipe across his face, too tired to shoo his pet away.

"You almost did," Snape said angrily. "What the hell were you thinking?"

But Draco didn't look at him; his head was spinning with the events that just happened. The Dementors, as far as he knew weren't dead creatures, they had no soul to begin with let alone die. Then why did they call me master? Draco frowned.

"Draco?" His mother's voice cut through his reveries.

"I don't know what happened," whispered Draco, "I was patrolling with Potter and then you know..." he trailed off. He didn't have to describe anything; most people surrounding him knew how his body reacted when he got close to death. "And then I was drawn towards them, there were five bodies but their spirits weren't there. I couldn't detect them and then from somewhere the Dementors came - "

"What exactly happened with the Dementors, Draco?" Narcissa coaxed her son when he stopped mid sentence. She watched his eyes cloud like the grey of a wet afternoon with confusion. He looked up to her in desperation, she hated doing this to her only son but sometimes there was no going against the Fate, and the only thing she could do to get through this ordeal was to support him at every stage and provide him with as much information for him to face the future, and whatever it entailed.

"I crossed over," Draco started again, his voice stronger from before. Narcissa sat beside him and took one of his hands in her own slender ones. "Just like that, without the bells and they came with me," he didn't need to specify who 'they' were. "I could hear them, no they were speaking to me...and..."

"And what?"

Draco contemplated whether it was wise to carry on. He remembered the reactions he had gotten from his friends when they had found out about his 'symptoms', for the first time in his life he had wondered if this was what Boy-Wonder had to go through every single day of his life, though of course his friends were too loyal to him to just shun him away, but even then there still were the lowered eyes, the avoidance...the glint of fear...

"And what, Draco?" his mother repeated when he remained silent.

"They called me master."

"And what did you say?"

"I don't know where the words came from, it all sounded so familiar, as if I've been there before," Draco took a deep breath. "I told them to go until summoned."

"This is excellent," Snape spoke up. His mouth was twisted in a grim smile as he approached mother and son. "Draco, through you we can recruit the Dementors to our side in the - "

"Absolutely not," Narcissa got up angrily. "I will not let my son be used by Dumbledore in his power games, we had discussed this before and I repeat, Draco will have nothing to do with this war." She clenched her jaw adamantly.

"So you expect him to just sit and watch from the sidelines while innocents are killed?" Snape snarled. "What happens when the war comes knocking at your door, Narcissa? Are you going to shelter him forever?"

"I will not have him turn out like Lucius," Narcissa whispered menacingly, "I've lost a husband and I refuse to lose a son."

"You will lose him," ground out Snape in frustration. "This war is going to be more bloody, more horrifying than the last time," his voice lowered a hitch as he stepped inside Narcissa's personal space but she did not step back. "and we need all the help we can get to defeat Voldemort." A hiss escaped through Narcissa's clenched teeth at the mention of the abhorrent name. "He will get drawn in this war whether you want it or not because you and I both know what he is - "

"SHUT UP!" Draco shouted. "Shut up, both of you." He had been listening to them argue about him as if he weren't there with growing ire and he knew what was to come up next. They all knew what Snape has been about to say, Draco had painfully come to accept what he was yet the title being said out loud made it far too terrifying a prospect for him to bear just at this moment. He wasn't ready for his carefully made up illusions to be shattered by a couple of words.

Everyone had grown silent. Blaise fidgeted, trying to dispel the tension from the room. He had hardly ever seen Draco completely furious, the unearthly magical aura that became palpable around him, the way his eyes melted into a crimson shade that reminded him all too much of one Dark Lord whom he hadn't had the misfortune to meet personally but had been given enough descriptions to give him nightmares.

And at this moment, Draco was anything but human.

"Draco, calm down," Snape said anxiously as he looked towards the entrance, expecting Dumbeldore to burst in with his team of staff at the sudden flare of Dark Magic.

"I. Know. What. I. Am." Draco pronounced each syllable slowly, his voice deepened into an ominous tone, wild magic rolling off his tongue. "And I don't need anyone to define what I can or cannot do." Hades let out a loud roar at the others in the room as he regally stood beside Draco, his yellow eyes gleaming dangerously.

"Draco we were just..."

"NO!" he interrupted his mother. "Just. Don't say anything." He took in a deep breath and closed his eyes. "Lest I do something we all regret." There was no denying the threat in his voice, no body took it personally, in moments like these he was not himself and his actions were not deliberate. He opened his eyes and they had returned to their normal colour though they still burnt unnaturally bright silver.

After one last glare at his mother and potions master he walked towards the exit to the Slytherin Common Room, hardly sparing a glance in the direction of one Minerva McGonagall who moved away quickly as Hades followed behind Draco.

"Draco, where are you going?" Narcissa asked.

"Flying," was all they heard before the wall slid back in place.

Severus Snape's eyes flickered over to his rival Head of House. His eyes narrowed and he plastered a sneer on his face as he walked towards the stern woman.

"Does the headmaster know that Mrs Malfoy is visiting?" McGonagall stared daggers at the woman.

"As a governor on Hogwarts Board of Directors, I don't deem it necessary to ask for permission to visit my son," said Narcissa coldly, she turned towards the Potions Master. "I shall be leaving now, Severus, we will continue this discussion later on." Snape acknowledged her with a tight-lipped nod before she too brushed past McGonagall without a sparing glance.

"Anything I could help you with, Minerva?" he asked.

"Your presence is required in the Headmaster's office," she said and pivoted round on her heels, expecting Snape to follow.

"Well why aren't you in bed?" Snape shouted at the remaining two students in the Common Room before he stalked out of it.

Snape followed McGonagall silently, ignoring the heavy tension in the air. With a sudden growl, McGonagall turned around sharply, with her fists curled. Severus only raised an inquisitive eyebrow. The old transfiguration teacher let out a sigh of exasperation, her shoulders slumping a bit. Severus noted that the old woman really was shaken, her hair was in complete disarray contrary to her usual prim appearance. The wrinkles around her eyes and mouth were more defined and her eyes held the weight of a thousand burdens.

"Severus," she sighed again, "I never had reason to trust you before," her gaze bore into him, "but I did. Albus asked me to and I did, at that time it was out of duty but after all these years, it's out of respect. I trust you with my life and of those whose lives have been entrusted to us." She obviously expected him to comment but he stubbornly remained silent. "Now, I'm going to ask you something out of that same trust and please Severus, answer me truthfully."

Severus was reluctantly reminded of when he used to be the Head of Gryffindor's student, he felt annoyed at being made to feel like a little boy about to squeal on his housemates again but he could understand the urgency in Minerva McGonagall's voice.

"Do you know..." she seemed to be searching for the right words. "What I mean is if you were aware of...oh what am I saying?" she scowled. "Is young Malfoy a Death Eater?"

"No."

"Has he any intention of following in his father's footsteps?" she persisted.

"I'm afraid you will have to ask him."

"Why are you being so difficult?" McGonagall asked.

"It's not for me to say, Minerva." Severus returned her glare. "I will not break a student's trust."

"Fine," she said. "Fine, answer me this. Tonight when I entered Slytherin's Common Room..."

"How much did you hear?" Snape narrowed his eyes.

"Wh-when he was speaking about the dementors." McGonagall took a step back. "And I saw the bandoleer." Snape didn't say anything as he fumed inside. "Does that mean...?" her eyes widened.

Snape rounded at her, "Yes, that's exactly what it means. Are you happy now?"

"Oh merciful Merlin."

"He doesn't need your sympathy," Snape sneered.

"Since when?"

"Since the day he took his first breath in this world." McGonagall was about to say something else but Snape interrupted her. "I thought Dumbledore wanted to see me."

"Yes...I...yes, he did," she stuttered. Snape walked past her but before he could turn round a corner, he stopped and looked back.

"If anyone else finds out..." he let the threat hang in the air. He hadn't been a Death Eater before and not learn anything.

His footsteps echoed in the silent hallway leading to the Headmaster's office. Severus stopped in front of a balcony; he leaned over the banister and took a deep cold breath. His obsidian eyes scanned the night sky for any traces of movement; he sighed and turned away upon seeing nothing. Draco had been advised many times not to use his powers where they could be easily pried upon and if there was one thing true about Hogwarts, it was that there is always someone watching.

"Phoneix ashes," he said the password and the gargoyle slid aside to let him step on the stairs as they spiralled upwards.

Snape entered the office without knocking; at once he was hit with a strong magical aura as if he had been slapped by a sharp wind. Dumbledore's eyes, no longer holding their ubiquitous twinkle, were trained on a raven-haired boy sitting opposite him.

"Severus, sorry to take you away from your duties, please come and sit," said Dumbledore without looking up. Again Severus glanced between the two before taking a hesitant step towards the vacant chair beside Harry. "We were just discussing tonight's events and Harry was saying..."

"I have nothing to say to you." Harry said indifferently.

"Harry..."

"No, there is nothing to tell," he interrupted in that same passive tone. "He sent me a message, I received it and a reply is expected." He sighed and rubbed his scar in irritation.

"What has transpired tonight is worse than murder, Harry," Dumbledore started in a stern yet patient tone. "This is by no means going to be an isolated incidence and the Order needs as much information as they can get."

Harry stood up abruptly, he placed his palms on the Headmaster's table and leaned forward, "What can the Order do? Did they do anything when I was attacked by six fucking Death Eaters? Did they do anything when Voldemort was slaughtering innocents around the country? Tell me what can your fucking Order do other than sit on their pretentious arses and worry about my fucking sanity?"

"Well, I have never..."

"Such audacity..."

"Have him lynched, Albus, I tell you!"

Gasps and voices of indignation rose in pandemonium from the portraits lining the room. Fakwes' feathers bristled indignantly where he was sat on his perch at the uproar and the sudden drop in temperature. Snape stared at the boy standing beside him with wide eyes, if it was to be said that he was shocked, it would be the understatement of the century. He was speechless, after all the things he'd seen and done as a Death Eater, he had never even dared to think of speaking to the Headmaster, the man even Voldemort feared, in the manner Potter just did now.

"I will not have you speak to me like that," Dumbledore's tone lowered a notch but his words were still as menacing as he stood up to his full height and looked down on Harry. His eyes blazing angrily.

Harry gave a short unpleasant laugh; he shook his head and pushed himself away from the table. He walked around the cramped, circular room before he turned around to face Dumbledore again.

Snape gasped loudly, the boy's eyes shone with a frightening glint, a twisted smile on his face, if Voldemort was present, Snape wondered who he would have found more terrifying, he could only watch as Harry walked forward and picked up a snow globe from Dumbledore's table. He examined it uninterestedly before his knuckles tightened over the glass until it shattered in his hands. He opened his palms and let the shards of glass that weren't protruding from his skin fall to the ground.

"There is no snow," his voice was not his own. Snape felt an involuntary chill run up his spine and noticed that the room had become considerably colder as his breath came out in white puffs of fog. "Just an illusion, just like you Dumbledore." Harry or whatever the thing he had become looked up, the sick smile still in place.

"You finally show yourself," Dumbledore regarded softly, following Harry around with his eyes for any sudden movement.

Harry chuckled, "Show myself?" he mocked. "I've been here all this time, right under your crooked nose."

"I know what you want from him."

The thing inhabiting the Gryffindor's body turned around abruptly, fixing Dumbledore with its gaze, immobilizing him with its power. Harry's eyes burnt like liquid emerald with power beyond comprehension. "Do you now, Dumbledore the wise without wisdom?" he hissed. "Tell me something, Albus the defeater without victory, you claim to know what's good for the wizarding world, but how many nameless ghosts have you accounted for during your reign as Lord of all that's good and worthy?"

"I do not need to justify anything. We are and have been in a war, to gain something, you must lose something too." Dumbledore said stiffly, still unable to move a muscle.

"I see you're trying to struggle," Harry grinned, "don't bother. You can't fight against me, you never could." He paused in front of a bookshelf, idly examining random tomes. "What about that day? I'm curious in whose blood did I dirty my hands? Was that life necessary for the war too?"

"An unfortunate accident," Dumbledore said. "Besides, he was an auror, they know the risks involved in the line of their duty."

"Pathetic, Albus, even for you," Harry turned to him, tendrils of green smoke escaping his pierced lips as he spoke, they coiled around Dumbledore's beard, making him shiver. "What are you going to say to that man's family? That it was just an accident, please accept our apologies?" he mocked.

"His family have been compensated for..."

"Compensated?" the voice grew loud. Glass shattered around the room under the surge of magical pressure and portraits fell to the ground as lights dimmed, their voices of protests died out by the incessant buzz of magic that had begun. "You, the pinnacle of the 'light side', the leader of the infamous 'Order of the Phoenix', are putting a price on a mortal life?"

"We weren't expecting Harry's reaction, that was all your fault..." the familiar anger returned to Dumbledore's blue eyes.

"Lies!" Harry hissed, "There is no good and evil, Albus, only power, did you not teach that to your old student," he paused, "What was his name? Tom Riddle...am I right?" He smirked at the stricken look on Dumbledore's face. "Have you told the real reason why you want to end the monstrosity that is Lord Voldemort? Or better yet," a sadistic grin formed on Harry's face, "why exactly is he so afraid of you?"

"Severus, don't listen to him," Dumbledore told the Potions Professor, who had by now ignored everything else, his concentration trained on the mocking voice.

"Why, Albus, let's tell the whole world about your deeds, shall we?"

"I admit I made a mistake, an old man's mistake and now I'm struggling to rectify it."

"So why the lies, Albus the strong without power, why the deception?" Dumbledore remained silent. "And don't think that little trick you did passed over me, so did you like Harry's initiation? Powerful boy, Albus, powerful indeed." He shook his head in amusement. "Now, listen to me," He walked towards the Headmaster's table to face him, his green eyes burning holes in the blue one's of the old man. "Don't interfere, I won't be held responsible for my actions, Dumbledore...don't try my patience."

He released Albus from his hold who sagged down on his chair. The tendrils of smoke recoiled back in his mouth. Harry's eyes returned to their normal green, the twisted smile replaced by a grim expression.

"Harry..." Dumbledore started but Harry's raised his hand to stop him.

"I've said all I have to say to you, Professor," his voice was back to normal. "I repeat, don't interfere, you and your Order do what you want to and I'll do what I need to."

He turned around and exited the oak door. Silence descended on the room, Albus got up with a sigh and crossed over to the wall where most of the portraits of former Headmasters and mistresses had fallen down. They had been stunned into silence, many had left their frames to find a sanctuary elsewhere. Dumbledore used his wand to levitate the portraits and hang them back in their respectable places.

This was the moment he was dreading, the aftermath had always been worse than the battle itself. He closed his eyes for a brief moment before turning around to face the back of the Potions Master.

"Severus, I owe you so many explanations." he said in a weary tone. Snape turned around, his eyes were bottomless pools of black, he stood up slowly as if unsure of his next movement.

"I can't talk to you now," he whispered. "I have to go." With a flourish of his robes, he too walked out of the Headmaster's office without even looking at him.

"What have I done?" Albus asked to no one in particular, this time not even Fawkes responded with reassurance.

~*~

Harry's mind was a hurricane of rage as he silently walked down the corridors. He looked down at the palm that had crushed the snow globe and looked at the dried blood around the pieces of glass. He concentrated for a moment and visualised the glass lifting from his skin, not wincing at the pain, he watched as the broken skin started healing, leaving only faint scars where the cuts had been. He turned his palm over and read the words etched in his skin, I must not tell lies...

"Scars," he paused, "are history carved in our skin."

He didn't receive a reply from the empty corridor. Harry shook his head of such morbid thoughts; he had a date with a certain enemy of his.

With purposeful strides, Harry soon reached the portrait of the Fat Lady.

"Password?" she yawned.

"Dragon dung."

The portrait opened and he quietly slipped inside, thankfully his friends weren't waiting up for him, he wasn't ready for the irritatingly intrusive questions from Hermione and that hurt look on Ron's face at being brushed off by his best friend. The fire had almost died out, as he moved around the semi-dark room.

The sounds of snores met his ears as he entered his dormitory, his bed was between Ron and Seamus's, it was completely dark but after all these years he didn't need light to navigate around his bedroom.

Harry made sure not to make any noise as he quickly shed his school robes and climbed on his bed. A Silencing Charm was cast after the drapes were pulled together.

He lay down on the covers, staring at his scarlet and gold canopy for a minute to clear his mind of all thoughts. Tonight he won't be performing Occlumency, instead Harry took out a dagger from underneath his pillow and swiftly made a cut right above the scar on his forehead. The burning pain seared through every fibre of his being but he didn't cry out regardless of the Silencing Charm he had cast, he could easily ignore the pain after so much practice.

Harry closed his eyes and imagined he was in a grey cavern, thunderstorms rolling one after another. He pictured a scene of chaos and destruction; he strained to hear the rushing sound of a whirlpool and just by mere thought, the treacherous ground disappeared from beneath his feet and he was plunging through the dark vortex.

He gasped and opened his eyes, he was staring back at his own reflection, and behind him he could make out the skeletal face as the crimson slits narrowed in surprised staring at him through the mirror.

"What a pleasant surprise." The reflection hissed.

Harry gave a menacing smile, as he turned around.

"How've you been, Tom?"

...to be continued...