Abandoned Innocence

Chapter 4: Bother

Wish I was too dead to cry
A self affliction face
Stones to throw at my creator
Masochist to which I cater

You don't need to bother
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on
I won't let go 'till it bleeds

Wish I was too dead to care
If indeed I cared at all
Never had a voice to protest
So you fed me shit to digest
I wish I had a reason
My thoughts are open season
For this I gave up trying
One good time deserves my dying

"Harry, you have to eat something, you didn't eat anything last night either." Hermione said in a disapproving tone.

"I'm not hungry, Hermione," he replied. Hermione opened her mouth to say something, but he interrupted her. "What have we got first?"

"Double Potions," Ron said in a cheerful mood. Harry gave him a weird look.

"What are you so happy about?"

"Didn't he tell you, he failed his Potions O.W.L so Snape won't let him back." Hermione sighed. "And I kept on telling you to revise, to study but no. Apparently Quidditch was more important to some people."

"Oh come on, Herm. I've been looking for a reason to drop that class for five years. I don't mind, so shouldn't you." Ron grinned, stuffing his mouth with scrambled eggs.

"Harry did you see your results?" Hermione turned her attention to Harry. He frowned, trying to remember when had he gotten his O.W.L results back. Then his memory kicked in, he had received a letter from Hogwarts but in the state of mind he was in, he had burnt it with the rest of the letters he had gotten over the summer. Now he had no idea what subjects he had failed and what he had passed. "Check your timetable."

"Did we get them?" Harry asked distractedly. Hermione opened her bag and took out a scroll from it and handed it to Harry.

"Yes, we did but you forgot yours." she rolled her eyes.

He didn't reply while unrolling the parchment. A frown set on his face as his eyes scanned his timetable.

"Double Potions." he confirmed.

"Hang in there, mate." Ron patted his shoulder sympathetically but the huge grin on his face wasn't so convincing.

Hermione looked over to Harry who once again looked as if he was in a world where no one could touch him. She was going through a huge book called Potent and Poisonous Potions but her eyes and mind were on the undernourished boy sitting across her. Harry's behaviour was really getting on her nerves, the only emotion he showed was when Hermione had tried to talk to him on the train. He hadn't even showed as much disgust as everyone expected now that he was stuck doing prefect duties with Malfoy. He was speaking to them but there was no life behind his eyes or in his words, it seemed as if his brain had gone into autopilot giving the right responses like a deaf machine. Where are you, Harry? Hermione thought desperately I will find you!

"Come on, Harry. We don't want to be late." Hermione half dragged Harry off of his bench, though she didn't really need to as he got up easily at her slightest touch.

Many students had arrived early to class fearing Snape's wrath on the first day if he was to catch them late. Harry and Hermione made their way to the last table on the Gryffindor side.

Everyone was chatting animatedly to their friends, yet Harry had no interest in joining the conversations going on around him. He answered when it was necessary but otherwise kept his brain alert to the slightest movement. Harry quickly scanned the room. He noticed that most of the Gryffindors that had been in his class last year were absent while there was no difference on the Slytherin side. He glanced at Malfoy who was still being flogged by Crabbe and Goyle.

Wait a minute - Crabbe and Goyle?

Harry frowned. He knew for a fact that those two couldn't even spell their names so it was more than a surprise that they were still in class.

"That biased, pompous - " Harry's mutterings were interrupted as the door banged open. Harry rolled his eyes as Snape entered; his black robes flying behind him in an unnatural way. Harry wondered if Snape had somehow charmed his robes to dance behind him.

The greasy git hadn't changed one bit Harry noticed when Snape looked at the Gryffindors as if they were worse than dragon dung. As the pain of Sirius's death had somehow become numb, his hatred for Snape had increased vigorously.

"Though it is a great misfortune to have some of you back - " Snape pointedly looked at Harry who glared back defiantly. "There is a considerable amount of you who are absent from our midst. Let's not dwell on those incompetent fools."

Harry knew Snape meant Ron particularly as he sent another sneer towards him and Hermione.

"We have a lot to accomplish this year as what you do now will lead up to your N.E.W.Ts, which I'm sure not many of you will be passing." Another pointed look at Harry but Hermione was leaning forward, concentration on her face as she paid her undivided attention to the Professor. "Now. Today we're going to brew Veritaserum. Of course it's not exactly the real thing because it's illegal to produce Veritaserum when one's underage. Full concentration is needed; one misguided ingredient can blow the whole classroom up. The instructions are on the board. I don't want to hear a sound other than of feet getting the equipment and ingredients. Now to put you into pairs." Snape rubbed his hands in glee. "These are the people you'll be working with for the rest of the year unless of course the potion requires solo work."

"Brown and Goyle," He started. Lavender opened her mouth to protest but one glare from the Potions master made her think twice. He went down the list, pairing Gryffindors with Slytherins. Hermione was paired with Blaise Zabini.

Why do I have a strange feeling that I'm going to end up with -

"Potter and Malfoy - "

Could the slime ball possibly have been more obvious? Harry thought dryly.

"I'm not working with him," Harry said. Snape glared at him hatefully as the whole class turned around to look at Harry.

"I must remind you, Potter, that you are in my class where I am the master so you shall do as I ask. Now get your backside and move it next to Malfoy."

"I don't care, I'm not working with Malfoy."

"I'm running out of patience, Potter." Snape advanced dangerously.

"And I really don't want to be having this conversation."

"Though you think you are above every law, Potter. To me you are nothing but a filthy mouthed, good for nothing brat. I would have understood if Malfoy was complaining but as you can see he's not - "

"That's because I'm not going to be working with, Potter." The familiar drawl interrupted Snape's tirade. The Potions master stiffened as he slowly turned around to face where the voice came from.

"Are you defying my command?" Snape's eyes narrowed down to slits.

"No, I'm saying that Potter doesn't want to work with me and I definitely don't want anything to have to do with him. So I think it's better that we work separately rather than blowing up the classroom, as you yourself said," Malfoy responded.

"If I wanted your opinion I would have asked you, Malfoy," Snape snapped. "I don't want to hear any argument or both of you will be facing dire consequences. Move now!"

But both boys just stared at their teacher, neither making a move to go and sit with the other. Snape's face was rapidly contorting into an ugly mask of anger.

"20 points from Gryffindor and Slytherin," Snape said. "And if you don't want that to increase, I suggest you do as I say."

No reaction.

"50 points."

Now Potter and Malfoy were glaring at each other, daring the other to move. Suddenly it had all become a game. Hermione was looking desperately at Harry in fear of losing more house points.

"100 points."

"I don't want to sit amongst Gryffindorks," Malfoy finally said. Harry couldn't hide the triumphant smirk at beating Draco Malfoy at their little contest.

"And I don't want to be seen with a Slytherbin," Harry retorted.

"That's the best you could come up with - "

"Move to the front of the room," Snape barked. After another lingering glare, both boys gathered up their bags and slowly moved towards the front of the room. "And remove those ridiculous accessories from your face, Potter," he said with a disgusted expression on his face.

"They are Muggle things, Professor, so if I take them out, blood would squirt everywhere. Last thing you'd want is for the potion to have an unexpected reaction, sir," Harry replied innocently and flicked his tongue on his lip ring just to annoy the professor before slumping down in his seat.

"Move to the other side, Potter," Malfoy hissed.

"I'll sit where I want to, Malfoy," Potter said vehemently, as if his anger already wasn't burning enough, Malfoy was just adding fuel to the fire.

"I'm left handed, Potter. If you sit there, our hands will hit each other while writing." Malfoy massaged the bridge of his nose, he was aware of all the class staring at the pair off them. Snape was so angry, Malfoy could feel the fury of hell radiating off him.

"So?" Harry said stubbornly, already setting up his books, quills and his inkpot on his side of the table. Now things are going to get more interesting, Harry thought in amusement. He wondered if Malfoy felt the same pleasure in teasing his friends as Harry was having now by riling him up.

Draco soon realized that Potter wasn't going anywhere and he could practically feel two very sharp and painful spears jabbing into his back. He dropped on the stool beside Potter with a frustrated growl. Potter had the nerve to turn to him and give him a cold smile. If I didn't think I was doing Voldemort a favour, Potter, I would have killed you right here and now, Draco thought as he pointedly stared ahead at the board.

"This is your fault you know. You should have sucked up to Snape. As if patrolling with you wasn't enough, I have to work with you too," Harry said after a while of tense silence between himself and Malfoy What was the point of working with his arch nemesis if he wasn't going to have some fun?

"Don't compare me to yourself, Potter," Draco snorted not looking up from the piece of parchment he was writing on.

"Oh yeah? And what is that supposed to mean?" Harry asked. He realized that Malfoy had been right, he was left-handed and when both of them were writing they had to be careful not to bump into each other.

"Yeah, like I haven't seen you practically kissing McGonagall and all the other mudblood loving - " Draco couldn't finish his sentence as he found a wand pointed at his throat and Harry's green eyes filled with fury.

"One more word, Malfoy and I swear there won't be enough of you left to complain when I'm through with you," Harry said through clenched teeth.

"Attacking students, Potter?" Snape barked from across the room. Harry didn't move. "Remove your wand off Malfoy, Potter, or you'll wish you were never born."

Harry shot one last warning glance towards Malfoy before he turned in his seat and started setting up the equipment for the potion.

The rest of the lesson was spent in tense silence. As soon as the bell went indicating the end of the two agonizing hours of Potions, Harry shot out of his seat and practically ran out of the classroom.

"Harry! Wait up!" Hermione called after him, because he had completely forgotten about her. She jogged up towards him.

"Sorry, I just wanted to get away from those slimy Slytherins," Harry said; the frown he had had through out the lesson was still set on his face.

"Fat chance of that, we've got Transfiguration with them now." She looked at him sympathetically. Harry groaned silently. The Gods were certainly not on his side this particular day, then again when had they ever been before.

They made their way towards the Transfiguration class and Harry hated to think what McGonagall was going to say when she found out about the loss of 100 points on the first day back, though it was unlikely, Harry was sure she would know it.

When they entered the classroom, Harry made his way towards his usual seat next to Ron. It was obvious by McGonagall's frown, the thin line of her lips and her stiff posture that she was in no mood to be messed around with.

Yes, she had found out as her eyes locked on Harry, who looked back with an indifferent expression.

Once again, Harry couldn't have been more grateful for the end of lesson bell. He wished Ron would hurry up so they could get out unnoticed by McGonagall. Finally, Harry thought as they made their way quickly towards the door but it was too much to wish for -

"Potter, one moment," Her crisp voice called back. Ron patted his shoulder sympathetically and Harry nodded for them to go on. He turned around and met Malfoy's nasty smirk, Harry noticed that the boy had grown since he was probably the same height as Harry. He had always thought of Draco Malfoy as small and weak for some reason, so it was a bit of surprise when he was at eye level with the other boy. But this information soon turned to anger as Harry realized what Malfoy could possibly be smirking about.

"Good luck, Potter." he whispered as he deliberately bumped Harry's shoulder while going past him making sick kissing noises.

Harry turned to McGonagall as she was gathering some papers with her wand. She turned to Harry when she was ready to leave. The expression on Harry's face nearly knocked her backwards. She had never seen Voldemort but she had always imagined him to have cold, lifeless eyes - just like Harry's right now - and she imagined his face was ruthless and hard, with a glare that could kill. She might not have seen the Dark Lord but she had seen the Killing Curse and it was exactly the colour of Harry's eyes. It was hard to imagine that this was the same baby she had so affectionately held in her arms before leaving him at the mercy of his Muggle relatives.

She shook herself out of her disturbing thoughts; Dumbledore would be hearing a piece of her mind very soon.

"Potter, follow me," she said and swept past him not looking back to see if he was following. His magical aura was buzzing in the air. Usually only very powerful wizards could detect another person's aura, like Dumbledore for example but Harry's was so strong that McGonagall hadn't felt magic so solid even when she was in the company of Albus Dumbledore - the greatest wizard of all.

Professor McGonagall completely disapproved of what Dumbledore had suggested be done with Harry but she knew that this was the only way they could test his powers and try to restrain them if they were too dangerous.

They soon arrived at the gargoyle that guarded the headmaster's office. McGonagall whispered the password and the gargoyle slid away to let them pass. She started climbing the stairs first and Harry followed silently. He noticed that she looked a bit shifty, he wouldn't exactly have said nervous because that wasn't in his head of house's character.

McGonagall entered first and shut the door behind her. Harry thought her gesture very odd. He wasn't having an entirely comfortable feeling about this. There was something going on behind that door that he wasn't aware of. Well only one way to find out.

The moment Harry touched the doorknob, the world slipped away from him and he felt himself being pulled into a whirlpool of colours as everything rushed past him. Then as abruptly as it had started, everything came to a standstill. He let the vertigo pass over before looking up to see where he was.

Harry's eyes narrowed at his surroundings. His thoughts were spinning so fast that his confusion didn't have the chance to emerge. The sudden familiarity of the room hit him like a ton of bricks. He had seen this exact setting so many times in his dreams yet he had never been here from since before he could remember.

He was in his parent's house at Godric Hollow.

Everything happened like it had the night the Death Eaters had attacked him at the Dursleys, nothing but a blur yet there was an eerie sluggishness to the movement of the figures.

Harry watched like a silent observer as dark figures blew up the front door and walked - no glided - inside. He saw his father rush at the Death Eaters, his wand pointed at them but even Harry could see that there was no chance for him, not only was he outnumbered, but these figures radiated dark energy.

Again it had been just two words - Avada Kedavra - that had decided between life and death. The same words that had stolen the determination away from Cedric's face, the same words that had left the Death Eaters on the Dursley's floor in a heap of black. The same words that had caused James Potter's eyes to widen and the life in them to be sucked out as he dropped to the floor.

Then entered Lily Evans, protecting her only child as any mother would. Harry saw his mother use all of her power to conjure up a protective shield around her and her baby but if Voldemort decided to kill you then not even the Gods could help you.

Avada Kedavra - the words had become a monotonous chant in Harry's head as they were repeated in a hiss and the green light shot out from the wand at Lily. Her words and screams were cut off as she too slumped to the floor, like a light switch going off.

Now only the baby remained - Harry Potter - The-Boy-Who-Will-Live.

Until now Harry had remained silent, through out the murders he hadn't even flinched as he saw his parents' lifeless bodies fall to the floor. But now the vesuvius of pure, unadulterated hatred was dormant no longer.

His mind had gone blank; all he could feel was his fingers digging into Voldemort's eye sockets. No force in existence could have stopped him at that moment as he ripped the Dark Lord's crimson eyes out. No one would have been able to get near him as his bare hands dug into the flesh of Voldemort's chest and wrenched his still pumping heart out. There was blood everywhere and the complete pleasure of having the power over someone's life.

Harry was still clawing away at the flesh like a vulture; he did not feel insistent hands grab him by the shoulders and haul him back until he found himself back in the headmaster's office. He squinted against the daylight streaming through the window as he opened his eyes to look at the clearly horrified faces of those around him.

Only now did he notice the coppery smell and he looked down at his blood soaked hands. There were still bits of flesh and veins stuck in his nails. His face was expressionless as ever as he studied himself. He got up without a single word and turned around to look at the other occupants of the room but he couldn't ignore the building nausea.

What he did next was totally unexpected even to him. He turned around on his heels and ran out of the room, down the stairs and was running at full speed - as if for dear life itself - down the corridors. He shoved people out of his way as he sprinted blindly towards the grounds

.

He ignored the cries of surprise and fear as they saw his blood smeared clothing and his scarlet hands. He thought someone tried to stop him but there was a sort of energy field around him and who ever approached him must have had a pretty bad knock backwards. He ran until he could see no one and no one could see him. There he settled in front of the lake, not bothering to wash the blood in the water. He didn't want to poison it.

~*~

Draco Malfoy looked at his watch. Potter was nowhere in sight. Damn Potter! He thought in frustration. He had heard by various people how Potter had fled from Hogwarts, apparently with a mortal injury. Some people even thought it was the Dark Lord's doing. Draco wished.

Well if Potter wasn't here then it really wasn't Malfoy's fault. He had to go around doing his prefect duties. Draco was glad that he wasn't stuck with Potter like last night outside Dumbledore's office.

Draco got the time to think things over by himself as he walked round the corridors, taking away points from anyone who was not in Slytherin and wasn't supposed to be out at this hour.

His life had changed instantaneously. One moment he was leading the Inquisitorial Squad under Umbridge's orders and the next his father was in Azkaban. It hadn't really mattered as much. His father was in prison and was surely going to die, big deal - it had to happen sooner or later. After all it was his father's own teachings that never to mourn any one's death as this showed attachment and attaching one's self to anything surely resulted in weakness, which lead to eventual destruction.

Then there was the Dark Lord and his bloody Dark Mark. Draco shuddered at the thought

Draco was still lost in his thoughts when he noticed a dark figure from a window while patrolling the second floor corridor. Guess I found Potter, Draco thought.

~*~

"So it's not true what they're saying. You're not dead after all," said Malfoy, "And I was about to get hopeful."

"Glad to disappoint you, Malfoy. Now piss off." Harry said though his words were dead and flat without any meaning.

"Yes well there's always next time I guess." Draco shrugged as he came to sit beside Harry but with a respectable distance between them. He wouldn't want to catch anything off Harry Potter.

"I hope so too. Someone is bound to grant either one of our wishes," Harry replied; he still hadn't looked at Draco, which was starting to really get on the other boy's nerves. Draco wanted to see the expression on his face to decipher if Harry was joking around or not.

"If you want to relieve us off your worthless presence so much, Potter, why don't you just give yourself up to the Dark Lord?" Draco frowned as he stared at the side of Harry's face but the dark haired boy didn't reply. Draco wondered if Potter was in the same time space as himself. "Potter your life is so fucked up, I almost pity you."

"Careful, Malfoy, someone might think you actually care," Harry replied but this time there was a hint of bitterness in his tone.

"The whole point of wearing glasses is that they help you see. What's your excuse?" Malfoy said in an observant tone, completely ignoring Harry's reply. Harry shrugged.

"They're not going to be very helpful are they when a Death Eater snatches them off."

"Potter, you really have a death wish don't you?"

"Only at night, Malfoy."

"It's easy to wish for death when nothing's wrong with you. It's easy to fall in love with death and believe me I've been all my life while watching its most faithful worshippers crumble in the end, screaming just to live, as if all the dark veils and the lilies and the smell of candles, and grandiose promises of the grave meant nothing." Malfoy's voice was barely above a whisper and an eerie shadow had crossed his face but Harry listened clearly to the words and he hated to admit that they made a chill run down his spine. He didn't know how to react to this revelation but would never let any weakness be obvious in front of Malfoy. He tried to detect any hint of emotion from Malfoy's face but it was as passive as ever.

"I've learned to live with death and smell it and swallow it and clean up after its slow progress but never have I loved death, Malfoy." Harry finally replied.

"I really hate you but in a strange way I can't help respecting you."

"Though I'm flattered by your sentiment, are you sure it's wise saying that to your enemy?" This time Harry turned to look at Malfoy while waiting for an answer but he didn't look at him.

"Are you my enemy?"

"If you're with Voldemort, then yes," Harry said without skipping a beat.

"Enemies we are then."

Malfoy got up and started to wipe any stray grass from his backside. He looked up at the sky for a moment and Harry wished he knew what the blond was thinking. It was a strange sight. Harry was so used to seeing him smirking and sneering that somehow he looked weird without any expression.

"You better get inside before they send out a search party for you." Malfoy started walking off. Harry watched him go, their brief conversation somehow felt incomplete and just as he had thought Malfoy turned around and smirked at him. "Oh and Potter, I hate you."

"I wouldn't expect anything else."

...to be continued...