Who Can Say No to Sirius Black?

I wait in the darkness.
Frozen winds surround my facebr>In the cover of darkness I can make believe it's you.
I feel you like the rain,
I feel you like a storm cloud building in my heart.
I wonder if you know the pain, to want the one thing you haven't got.

Natalie woke up with a start. Some distant noise had broken off her sleep. Slowly, she stood up - for a unknown reason, she knew she wouldn't get back to sleep. Natalie made her way to the window, her nightgown barely reaching her ankles and her bare feet making no noise on the floor.

As it was twelve years ago, her chestnut brown hair hung loose behind her, her opal-like eyes matching her ivory skin to perfection. But there was something in her eyes... One would call it sadness, but it was actually conformation.

She opened up the window and closed her eyes as the cold wind brushed her face. Natalie allowed herself a bit of nostalgia: to think of everything that could have been, of dreams that would never come true, of all the losses, of Sirius... An unexpected motion caught her eye.

For a moment or two she could swear... No, that wouldn't be possible. But then se felt. As if the last twelve years had never existed, Natalie felt his presence. And when she closed her eyes, she could see him standing out there under her window. She was surprised to feel the tears on her cheek, Natalie could have sworn that her eyes had dried up forever.

Just a twist in time ...and you could be mine
Just a sip of wine ...and you could be mine
Just a kiss divine ...and you could be mine

"If I had asked him to stay that night... If I had paid more attention to his whereabouts... If I had woken up earlier... Then maybe, he could still be mine." I keep repeating that to myself and at the same time I remain still by the window. Sirius is still there, that much I can tell.

There's a part of my mind telling me to contact the Ministry. He's a convicted murderer, right? But there's the other part - the stupid part that still is in love with him - telling me to run downstairs and let myself be held in his arms just one more time. After all, he came to me...

No! I screamed inside my head. I won't let this wave of feelings carry me away once again. I shut down the window and pulled the curtains together. The worse is to know that he's just a few meters away from me and, besides the reasonable part of me denies it, he could be mine.

A hand brushes by my love.
A smile fuels a steel inferno
You don't have to die to leave my world.
Stand still and you've departed.
It seems I'm not on your mind and I'm just wasting my time.
I'm just a fool to believe.
In the death of the night can you feel me inside?
I wish that you could conceive..

Sirius waited a couple hours to make sure Natalie was back to sleep and broke into her house. His heart was thundering inside of him as he made his way upstairs to where he supposed was her room. The door was opened and at the dim light he could discern her body.

One arm over the pillow, some hairstrands covering part of her face, the sheet wrapped around her legs, as if she had tried to put it away. He felt the tears coming to his eyes. She used to sleep like that since he could remember, the only difference was that her arm used to be over his chest and her legs used to be wrapped around his legs. He still could remember the feeling of her silky hair brushing against his skin...

Sirius could hold back no longer. He silently approached her bed, reaching out a hand to stroke her cheek. Natalie stirred slightly and he held back his breath. Crouching by her side, he watched her sleep. There was a time - long ago - that they could feel each other even if they were a mile apart, he somewhat expected this time to be the same. He indeed felt his hopes rising as she opened the window, but her steady expression killed all his dreams.

Just a twist in time ...and you could be mine
Just a sip of wine ...and you could be mine
Just a kiss divine ...and you could be mine

"Damn stupid you are to think she would still feel the same after all those years, Black!" I can't believe I did that. Just someone as egoistical as me to go and bother her in the middle of night. Natalie didn't need that. She sure had enough twelve years ago...

And yet, I had to see her. I must be some kind of sadist to go and torture myself like that - seeing everything I lost, everything that could have been mine. Not for the first time I wished I had the power to turn back time. As I made my way to the Privet Drive, I could only expect to have a better meeting with Harry. The boy is all I have left, even if he does not know it.

Natalie is... Was. I let her down a thousand times and I shall not do that again. She's not mine anymore.

Won't you leave me in the darkness.
Take away the pride, all the dignity that's burning inside.
Can't you see I'm standing naked.
I'll bear all the crosses and the crucifixes you can provide.
If you could decide.

Natalie heard the news from Hogwarts from her friend, Remus Lupin. In a hurried letter, he told her to go to the school as fast as possible, that he might have discovered something that would change their lives. She didn't thought twice before apparating the closer she could from the castle.

She took one of the Marauders secrets passageways that led to Hogwarts grounds, pushing aside the pain she felt when remembered her late friends. Natalie was absorbed in her thoughts, but not enough to don't notice the shadow in front of her. It was a narrow way, she would have to stay aside for it to pass... Then she felt it once again. Natalie looked up, already knowing that she would meetSirius' dark orbs.

Sirius reached out a hand for her but let it drop to his side. Now that he wasn't expecting. He always imagined that he would have a million things to tell her when they meet again, but no words were left in his brain when his gaze met her bright eyes. Some minutes later - or maybe it was just seconds - he finally spoke.

"I always loved the way your eyes seem to reflect the stars." She widened her eyes and Sirius mentally kicked himself. The dementors were after him, this was probably the last chance he would have to talk to her, and he was acting like a moron!

Natalie just stared at him, longing to hear from him something more than that. That was so many things let unexplained, but right now she couldn't form any questions in her mind. She watched him turn his head back and then stare at her again with a look of urgency. Before he could tell she knew what he would do.

"Please, don't-" she pleaded.

"I-I'm sorry." Was all that he said before transforming into a dog and running away.

Just a twist in time ...and you could be mine
Just a sip of wine ...and you could be mine
Just a kiss devine ...and you could be mine

Annoriel

(In loving memory to Sirius Black)