Evil Masterminds, or Becoming Draco Malfoy

Chapter Thirteen: Rhythmic Pelvic Thrusts

Day Six, 7:48 a.m., Hufflepuff Boys' Dorm, Witnessing a Scene

Madeline walked into the boys' dorm the next morning to find Ernie and Draco embroiled in a furious argument. She was rather alarmed at first, but after listening a little longer, was much more amused.

"Herbology is *not* a stupid subject, you wanker, and if you would just listen for five minutes during class you would see-" yelled Ernie.

"Oh, give a rest, MacMillan. You just say that 'cause your Head of House is the teacher! For Merlin's sake, it's *Longbottom's* best subject, and that has got to tell you something about it's worth!" replied Malfoy hotly.

"Don't insult Neville, he's a sweetie," scolded Madeline.

Draco communicated that he felt somewhat betrayed.

"I didn't say I wanted to snog the boy," she continued quickly, stamping her foot and blushing a little. "Although I'm sure he would be very attentive to a girl's needs," she continued, tapping her chin in thought.

"Madeline, stop teasing Malfoy," Hannah demanded, walking into the room and pulling her hair behind her head into a tight bun. "That's my job! Malfoy, sweetie, what do you call that new hairstyle of yours? Hobo sheik?"

Madeline looked at Hannah in admiration. "You're just so *good* at it, too."

Hannah beamed.

Malfoy was looking thoroughly pissed. While the Hufflepuffs had allowed him to bathe, they balked at letting him spend as much time grooming himself as he was accustomed to. His hair was soft and shaggy, hanging to the tips of his ears. Madeline personally preferred his hair like that, though she wasn't planning on voicing that sentiment anytime soon.

"Relax, Malfoy. No one, except you, cares that your hair isn't gelled to the consistency of solid rock. Madeline even likes it better this way," Hannah said, deliberately ignoring the glare Madeline sent her. She was never telling the girl personal opinions again.

Draco seemed to be looking cheerier.

"The only reason you don't like Herbology, Malfoy, is because you don't bother to understand the art that is the treatment of magical plants," Ernie spoke back up.

Hannah and Madeline stared at him in amazement. Malfoy didn't seem to notice that that conversation had ended five minutes ago and immediately responded with,

"And I suppose you can make it interesting?"

"Is that a challenge?"

"Hell, yes, MacMillan! I'd like to see you try!"

"Nerds," Madeline muttered under her breath. "Of course we would have to take up with boys who actually enjoy schoolwork," she continued to Hannah, who nodded sympathetically.

At that point, while Ernie was grabbing his Herbology textbook and Malfoy was taunting him, FauxDraco walked in from the bathroom.

"Morning, ladies," he greeted in his deepest, sexiest voice.

Draco glanced up from his bickering long enough to give them a sour look.

"It's nice to be appreciated," Justin commented, grinning. "Madeline, we need to discuss today's... um... plan. I don't really have to shake my ass, do I?"

Malfoy's head shot up as Madeline clapped a hand over FauxDraco's mouth and led him from the room. "What the-"

"Say it, Malfoy, just try me," threatened Hannah, looking as vicious as she was capable and pointing her wand at the captive.

Draco looked her straight in the eye and asked, "What the bloody fucking hell are you doing to me?"

A quickly muttered spell, a yelp (coming from Malfoy), and then silence.

"I'm going to get Madeline," said Ernie, gazing in awe at the furry, furry Malfoy. "She'll probably want a picture."

8:00 a.m., the Great Hall, A Slow Day

FauxDraco was given a wide berth at the breakfast table. He pouted for all of three minutes, but then was presented with griddle cakes and found he could no longer focus on his petulance.

"So, Malfoy, what's on the agenda for today?" asked Zabini, lifting his head a little from the table. He had announced to all and a sundry when he arrived that he had a headache (and FauxDraco rather deduced, from the look that was sent his way, that this headache was *his* fault), and he was not to be spoken to unless he spoke first.

"Feeling better?" questioned FauxDraco.

"No."

"Ah. And what do you mean 'on the agenda'?"

"Seems like everyday this week you've come up with some kind of sick scheme to turn heads and make everybody look at you. All I can guess is that that Lucius is finally getting to you and this is your way of acting out. So then, what's the plan for today? What incredibly lurid, horrifying stunt are you going to pull for our consternation?"

FauxDraco frowned. "I really think you're reading too much into this, Zabini. I don't have any plans for today," he lied blithely. "Appears like it'll be a rather slow day, actually."

"Yeah," Zabini said sarcastically, laying his head back on the table before him, "right."

11:53, a Convenient Broom Cupboard, Tryst

"It's really dark in here," commented FauxDraco.

"Which is why we have wands and lumos," Pansy replied, smiling up at him and lighting the tip of her wand with the last word.

FauxDraco did the same, then looked around him. "Dirty, this."

"I know, which is why we can't stay or else my robes will be absolutely filthy. Tell me about Madeline's scheme."

"Well, I was really anxious, you know about the ass-shaking bit, but Madeline said it was more of a pelvic thrust, like this, so-"

Suddenly, light flooded the cupboard, and Crabbe and Goyle were found standing in the doorway. The four stared at each other for a long time. Finally, Crabbe, scratching his head, began slowly, "I thought you two *weren't* snogging..."

"We aren't," Pansy huffed, then stomped out of the cupboard, throwing the two Slytherins malicious looks. "And if either of you tell a soul what you saw, I will tell Snape where you hide your porn. *And* I'll hex your balls off. Got it?"

Goyle and Crabbe nodded quickly and fled. FauxDraco eyed Pansy cautiously. "Don't look so terrified, honey. I'm not angry at *you*," Pansy reassured, giving him a sweet smile. She then grabbed his hand and led him down the corridor to lunch, saying "Now come on, tell me more about this Redding person..."

12:17, the Great Hall, Remaining Optimistic

"Oh, Blaise, relax. The day has gone off without incident so far... perhaps it will be a slow day," Pansy coaxed, fighting the need to giggle. The boy Slytherin had reminded his housemates of His Headache (with another look sent to FauxDraco), and did not quite believe Pansy.

"Not bloody likely."

"Zabini, really, now, I am wounded by your lack of-" began FauxDraco.

"Shut it."

2:21, the Library, On a Mission

"So what did you do with the pictures?" asked Hannah, an evil smile on her face.

"I've put them away safe in a drawer, and I will frame them as soon as possible," replied Madeline, an equally evil grin on her face.

"Wouldn't Malfoy be angry?"

"He won't ever know," Madeline answered, pulling the library door open.

The girls were hunting down someone in particular, attempting to get some information that would help with that night's performance, and they soon spotted their quarry.

Caroline Hayes, the expert in all things muggle, was to be found at the back of the library, large, slightly orange hair (compliments of last month's glamour charm: indignant sniff, "Yes, this was intentional!") covered by headphones attached to the small muggle stereo she kept in her robe pocket. Colin Creevey, a friend of Caroline's, sat nearby, biting his lip over his Transfiguration assignment, but managing to look up and wave jauntily when he saw Madeline and Hannah approaching.

"What?" Caroline demanded, realizing the older Hufflepuffs wanted her attention.

Hannah huffed at her rudeness, but Madeline ignored it, being accustomed to Caroline's quirks. "We need your expertise, darling," she responded, taking an arm chair nearby.

"In which area?"

"Charms and the playing of muggle music."

"Ah." Caroline leaned forward, fully removing her headphones, seeming more interested. "Do continue."

"Could you teach me the spell to amplify songs in a large space? I'm just dying to know how you do it..."

2:23, the Hufflepuff Boys' Dorm, Scheming Solo

The door to the boys' dorm slammed shut, startling Draco out of his nap.

"I thought you were in class," said Malfoy, rubbing his eyes and yawning a bit.

Justin shrugged nonchalantly. "I skived off. I have something more important to take care of right now."

Draco eyebrows went up. "And what might that be?"

Justin grabbed his desk chair and set it backwards in front of Malfoy, straddling it. His movements were very intentional and deliberate, and quite unlike him, Malfoy thought. Even his face was set, his eyes alight and focused.

After a pause, Justin pulled from his robes a small green leather book that was all too familiar. "Do I have your attention?" he asked, a slight predatory grin on his face.

"How did you get that?" Malfoy asked incredulously.

"Stole it from Madeline, of course."

"Won't she mind?"

"She hasn't noticed yet, and my acting skills are such that she won't suspect me immediately. If she does find out, though, I'm in for an ass-load of grief." He shrugged again.

Malfoy stared at him. "An 'ass-load'?"

"But I plan on making her proud with my use of the diary, so perhaps she'll forgive me. The week's going to end soon, you know. Today's Day Six, and you won't much longer be under our surveillance. Have to take a few precautions," continued Justin, ignoring Draco.

"You're going to blackmail me?"

"That was always the plan, Malfoy. I'm just going to add a few more conditions that Madeline would not have," Justin replied, casually tapping the book on the back of the chair.

"You haven't read anything, have you?"

Justin sighed, rolling his eyes. "No. However, I have made a copy of it, so you would do well to take me seriously."

"A lesson learned with this experience," Draco muttered dryly. "So what are the conditions?"

"I will begin by saying that I do not expect your attitude toward us to change after this ordeal. The taunts and teasing are second-nature to you, and if you have not matured at all, that's your own error."

Malfoy remained silent for a moment, then replied, "Oh, I do believe I have changed a bit. I think you underestimate me."

Justin snorted. "What, you respect us now?"

"Yes."

Justin blinked. "Oh, well... that's... nice." He cleared his throat and continued. "So, about the deal... Madeline was simply going to demand that you keep quiet about our little revenge and playacting and leave it at that. But, I shortly realized that we could ask for more than that, judging by how precious this seems to you." Justin smirked at the grimace that crossed Malfoy's face. "And so, I came up with this plan. As Pansy has been saying so much recently, I am a Pisces. And all a Pisces really wants to do is make others happy..."

7:26, the Great Hall, Musical Debut

"How much longer?" asked Madeline, nervously running her palms over the Hufflepuff table.

Ernie glanced at his watch. "About four minutes. And you're sure about the spell, Hannah? It will hold while we're gone?"

"Yes, yes," replied his girlfriend. "And I double-checked the silencing spells. This will only take five minutes, anyway. I don't think we should worry about him too much."

"I'm more worried about Justin," said Madeline quietly. "He's watched the scene plenty of times, and he knows the song, but I'm afraid he might get a little stage fright. To my knowledge, he's never performed before, and-"

A few screams rang out in the hall as all the candles were suddenly extinguished and the room was plunged into darkness.

"He's two minutes early!" Ernie's voice hissed, just before the sound of a tenor sax and trumpet could be heard, resonating throughout the Great Hall, playing a simple introduction.

A magicked spotlight shot to the doors of the hall, and there stood FauxDraco, leaning casually against the frame, one ankle crossed over the other foot, hands loosely in his pockets, a slight smirk on his face.

"Oh, she may be weary,

But young girls, they do get weary,

Wearing that same old shaggy dress,"

FauxDraco crooned into the silence, his gaze slowly traveling the width of the hall, nodding slightly to the females. A piano and organ accompanied him as he delivered his soulful message, captivating his audience.

"But when she gets weary,

Try a little tenderness."

He began to move forward as the percussion beat the tempo, his movements languid and unhurried and he shrugged out of his outer robe, tossing it to the Ravenclaw table and grinning seductively at the girl who caught it.

"You know she's waiting,

Just anticipating,

A thing that she'll never, never, never, never possess;

But while she's there waiting,

Try a little tenderness... That's all you gotta do."

The entire hall was still, watching the one Slytherin as he sang, entrancing them all. The boys had been right earlier, Malfoy did have a nice voice, perfect for delivering a smooth song like this. FauxDraco threw a wink to Madeline, Hannah, and Ernie, then continued his leisurely stroll down the center of the Great Hall, the spotlight and all the eyes following his every movement.

"It's not just sentimental, no, no, no;

She has her grief and care,

But soft words, they all spoke so gentle, ya,

It makes it easier, easier to bear, ya."

And then, as the horns joined back into the music along with a guitar, FauxDraco started loosening his tie and unbuttoning his collar, revealing a tiny bit of skin underneath, swaggering ever more so. A few involuntary squeals erupted from girls watching a little too closely. Madeline felt her face heat up and had to keep repeating silently to herself that this was really Justin *pretending* to be Malfoy.

"You won't regret it, no, no,

Young girls, they don't forget it;

Love is their only happiness, ya, ya, ya;

But it's all so easy,

All you gotta do is

Try, try a little tenderness, ya."

Suddenly, he had leaped onto the teacher's dais and was facing the audience, his body no longer lazy but active, thrashing around, rhythmically moving with the music; in other words, he was dancing. And quite suggestively, too.

"All you gotta,

Do your thang,

Hold her hand.

You wanna

Squeeze her, don't tease her, never leave her,

Get to her!

Got, got to try a little tenderness ya, ya!"

FauxDraco was on the floor, causing many a person to stand in their seats so that they could properly see what he was doing. They weren't disappointed. He was writhing on the floor, hips thrusting forward; the next second he was back on his feet, spinning around, head shaking the pale blonde hair loose, belting his heart out.

"You gotta,

Know how to love her, man!

Take this advice!

You got to

Squeeze her, don't tease her, never leave;

You gotta hold her, love her softly man,

So try a little tenderness, ya, ya!

You gotta rub her gently!

You gotta, don't bruise her, no, no,

You gotta love her, don't tease her, don't squeeze her,"

FauxDraco snapped his fingers for four beats here, shaking his hips from side to side, and then as the song began to fade, marched out the Great Hall, singing, shaking his head.

"Gotta try her, na na na,

Try a, try a little tenderness ya watch it, you,

You gotta know what to do, man,

Take this advice you gotta, ya...."

Dead silence rang in the hall for all of three seconds. An explosion of applause then erupted, rattling the windows with its strength and noise; the Hufflepuffs were amused to note that even most of the Slytherins were applauding, too. Pansy was beside herself, grinning and cheering; Crabbe and Goyle clapped politely, prompted mostly be Pansy's occasional death glares. Blaise Zabini was going to have another vicious headache, but this one would be his own doing: he was currently pounding his head against a convenient nearby wall.

8:04, the Hufflepuff Boys' Dorm, After-party

"Madeline," Pansy began over her giggles, "I have to commend you. That was utterly brilliant."

Madeline smiled smugly, snuggling further into her seat (Draco's lap; as soon as they had returned from their hell-raising, he had given her a pointed look and she had quickly complied; it was hard not to with him looking so tousled and after having just glimpsed him in very... hmm... interesting positions). "It was fantastic, wasn't it? I'm afraid nothing else will ever top it," she replied with a slight sigh.

Malfoy gave a grunt of disapproval, but had otherwise not complained about their abuse at all. When the group entered the dorm looking so jubilant, Draco immediately announced that he Did Not Want to Know, and had just settled for the vague comments they made about that evening's work.

"Though, of course, Justin deserves much more praise than I do. Where did you get the courage for all that, sweetheart? I never knew you had that in you!"

Justin shrugged, smiling, but looking bashful at the same time. "Was a good opportunity to try something new, I guess. Like this whole week has been. That was a lot of fun, too. The looks on everyone's faces..."

The group, excluding Malfoy, laughed again.

Madeline found herself yawning. It was only just after eight o'clock, but it had been a long day, and she was quite comfortable and warm, Draco's arms firmly around her. She believed she was becoming *too* comfortable with him; next thing she knew, she might actually be rather *attached* to the Slytherin, and that would never do. However, it was awfully hard not to be. He looked very nice, and he was intelligent, sometimes even funny, and he had this tendency to smell good. She was really going to have to get on to him about that. Her eyes widened a little. Get on to him... hmm... now if that wasn't putting all kinds of naughty images into her head. Like she needed any more of those.

Focusing on the conversation going on around her, again, Madeline realized that Hannah had asked Malfoy a question and he had answered her almost politely.

"You seem very easygoing tonight," Madeline commented, shifting so that she could look Draco in the face. "Why are you so unusually mellow?"

He shrugged. "I'll be gone soon, won't I?" he replied vaguely.

Well, if that didn't hit home. Madeline stilled. "Yes. You'll be gone soon."

She suddenly became aware that she was, indeed, already attached.