Wild Honey

Drain the pressure from the swelling

The sensation's overwhelming

Give me a long kiss goodnight

And everything will be alright

Tell me that I won't feel a thing

Remus had known Sirius for seven years, so when he flopped down on the grass by the lake and said in a dreamy, not-all-there voice, 'Moony, old chap, I'm in love', Remus wasn't that surprised. Sirius fell in love at least once a week, always truly madly and deeply, and usually he couldn't remember the girl's name by the next week.

'That's nice, Padfoot,' Remus said, deciding to humour him and rescuing his History of Magic textbook from being drafted in as Sirius' pillow. Sirius was wriggling with excitement on the grass as if he had ants down his robes and he was staring up at Remus with a loopy grin. He had always had difficulty staying still when he was excited and given that he got excited by everything from ice-cream to the smell of new textbooks, it was a rare occasion when he was stationary.

'Well?' Remus encouraged. 'Who is it this time?'

'Chicken,' Sirius replied, and pulled a cold leg out of his pocket. He began to stare at it in unmistakeable devotion. 'I love you so, so much, chicken. Words cannot begin to express how I adore thee -'

'Uh, Padfoot?'

'Yes?'

'That's a chicken leg.'

Sirius gifted him with an affronted, owlish stare. 'And your point is?'

Remus struggled with this beautifully-presented reasoning. 'Well,' he said at last, 'what on earth do you have in common with chicken, Padfoot?'

'You are entirely mistaken as to the nature of love, my wolfy friend,' Sirius informed him loftily. 'It matters not what we share, only that we do.'

'You what?' Remus reached over and felt Sirius' forehead. The last time he'd heard Sirius ramble like this had been in fifth year, when Sirius had caught the flu and been bedridden for days sweating it off. Then, he'd spent his time conversing with pink elephants and telling Remus how much he loved him. However, Sirius' brow was as smooth and cool as ever and the little trapped pieces of his hair felt like raw silk under his fingers.

Remus shook his head and began straightening his books. 'Well, good luck with that. You've loved many a stupider person.'

'Yes, I have,' Sirius said, with an odd look in his eye. A second later, he began tearing strips off the chicken leg with barbaric enthusiasm.

'Is that any way to treat your beloved?' Remus asked.

'Ah, it's okay. Chicken likes it rough.'

Remus grimaced. 'Padfoot, you're sitting on my quill.'

Sirius reached around and retrieved it, handing it to Remus with fingers coated in grease. 'Are you still banging away at that stupid History of Magic, then?'

'Yes,' Remus replied with a sigh. 'I still haven't finished my special study topic.'

'What? You had all summer, and old Fairy Flo to help you.' Sirius bit savagely into the chicken leg.

Remus squirmed, not wanting to think about Florean Fortescue and what had happened between them on the last day of his London holiday with Sirius. One thing was for sure and certain, he had not taken up Florean's offer to tutor him in the subject, and he'd suffered a mental block on the topic for the rest of the summer.

'Yeah, well,' he mumbled. 'I, er, changed it.'

'To what?'

'What do you mean, to what?' Remus snapped, because Sirius could have an annoyingly good memory at times and if Remus said 'Muggle witch-burnings', Sirius would probably remember that it had been the original topic, damn him.

'Calm down, Moony. I was only asking.' Sirius tore the last of the meat from his chicken leg, and began to lick the bone.

'What are you doing here, anyway?' Remus asked. 'I thought you and Snape had detention.'

'We had to clean out cauldrons, and I finished first,' Sirius shrugged. 'Bully for me. I want to sunbathe.'

'You don't need to,' Remus said. Sirius raised his eyebrows. 'I mean to say, you're already as brown as a nut.'

'I know,' Sirius said, sounding smug. 'Right one in the eye for Snape, too, when we took our robes off in the dungeon. He's such a skinny, pale git. He probably fancies me.'

'He's a boy, Padfoot, don't be silly,' Remus laughed. 'Not to mention that he hates your guts.'

'Boys can fancy other boys, Remus,' Sirius protested, his eyes searching Remus' face with a rather intense expression.

'Whatever,' Remus dismissed his arguments. 'Besides, I'm sure Jenny would be disappointed if you suddenly took up with Snape.'

'Who's Jenny?' Sirius looked utterly blank.

'The girl you went off with last week?' Remus prompted.

'Oh, her.' Sirius' face twisted in distaste. 'She actually fancied you, so I told her where to go.'

'Padfoot, you do tell some stinkers of lies,' Remus sighed. 'Just say that she didn't like you and be done. There's no need to bring me into this.'

'I'm not lying, I swear. Half the girls I get off with end up asking me to ask you if you're free,' Sirius protested.

'What a load of bollocks,' Remus said. 'Shut up, now. I need to finish my homework, and if you're going to be talking nonsense I'll go back inside.'

'Fine,' Sirius said, and Remus, rather surprised at his easy acquiescence, shrugged, scratched his nose and took out his Arithmancy assignment. He was soon absorbed in the complex quadratic equations.

Beside him, Sirius let out a doggy sigh of contentment, and stretched himself full-length on the sward, head resting on his hands. The last of the Indian summer sun warmed their faces and gave the grass blades little yellow highlights.

When Remus finished his last problem, instead of trotting inside for dinner, he left his book open in his lap and leaned against the tree trunk behind him, enjoying the sun on his face.

'This is nice,' Sirius remarked, and Remus was moved to agree.

'It reminds me of the heat wave in Diagon Alley,' Remus said.

'Nah, that was too hot. This is -' Sirius waved his hand '- all open and there's a breeze. I like it.'

'So do I,' Remus said. 'Although I can't believe I'm hearing Sirius Black, of all people, rhapsodise about the weather.'

'Why? What am I supposed to be rhapsodising about?'

'Sex, drugs and rock'n'roll,' Remus said. 'And girls' underwear.'

'Moony, once you've seen one pair of knickers, you've seen 'em all,' Sirius pronounced and then laughed at the resigned shock on Remus' face.

'I suppose we'd better go in,' Remus said at last. 'James and Peter will be wondering where we are.'

'No, don't,' Sirius said, preventing him from rising by putting a hand on his knee. 'Stay here for a bit. Just enjoy the moment, for crying out loud.'

'All right, all right,' Remus said, relaxing back against the tree again. A moment later, he spoke up. 'Padfoot?'

'Hm-hmm?'

'You can take your hand off my leg now.'

'Oh. Sorry.'

~

The next morning was the point at which Remus started to worry. Sirius - who had always possessed the appetite of a stableful of stallions - would on a normal day have, without fail, a plateful of kippers, rashers, toast, sausages and ketchup before him, washed down with about a gallon of milk, and rounded off with a bowl of cornflakes. On that Tuesday, however, all Remus could see was a platter of chicken breasts.

'Padfoot?' he said, with caution, for Sirius could get touchy in the mornings (or at least, the ones where he could not sleep until eleven or later).

Remus got 'Morning, wanker,' which was the sort of thing Sirius said when he and Remus were with other people. Presumably it showed that he was a hard man, bursting with testosterone and all that, although he came across as three kinds of a git for the most part. Sirius never stopped swearing when he was in company, and both he and James between them used more profanities per conversation than the rest of the school did per month.

'What's with all the, you know, chicken, mate?' Remus gestured at the Sirius' plate of birdflesh, which he was tucking into with relish.

'Love,' Sirius said, his face alight. 'Pure, utter, unadulterated love, Moony.'

'Er. Okay, then.' Remus seated himself opposite his friend and started slathering a slice of toast with chunky marmalade. 'I suppose I should be thankful you're not in lust with it.'

'Give me time,' Sirius said, and although he was wearing that roguish grin that meant 'Aw, come on, I was only kidding', there was an aura of fanaticism about him that Remus didn't like at all.

A moment later, James arrived with Peter in tow. James took one look at the piles of chicken before Sirius and cracked his sides laughing. Peter joined in dutifully, although he had a bewildered expression on his dial that indicated his cluelessness as to what was really going down.

'What's the story, you tool?' he addressed to Sirius. 'Have they stopped importing or something?'

'There are chicken farms in Scotland,' Remus pointed out, but got a 'I knew that' for his troubles.

'I love it,' Sirius said, sounding defensive. 'You love a girl who does not love you -' he shot Remus a hard stare, and Remus squirmed, hoping James didn't notice (he didn't, having all the natural perception of a brick) '- so what is so wrong about me loving chicken?'

'Nothing, mate,' James said. 'I love chicken too. Wouldn't eat it for brekkie, mind, but there you go. A tool's mind works in mysterious ways.'

'I show my love as best I can,' Sirius declared, shoving a couple of legs into his robe pocket and standing up. 'See you girls later, I'm going to class.'

'Why, you got a bird waiting?' James smirked.

'Your low scoring rate may be down to that one word, Prongs,' Remus mouthed in the background, but James would rather shave his head than be seen showing any understanding of how the female mind worked.

'No,' Sirius said, scowling. He shoved himself off his chair and stalked off.

'Needs a shag, that one,' James declared cheerfully, loading up a bread roll with rashers and brown sauce. 'He's been off his game like you wouldn't believe since we got back from hols.'

'How do you mean?' Remus asked. 'He seems fine to me.'

James shrugged. 'He's always moping. He's got the major hots for some girl, you mark my words. She won't touch him, by the sounds of it.'

'I wonder if it's Jenny?' Remus ruminated. 'He didn't seem to want to talk about her.'

James looked blank. 'Jenny who?'

Remus shrugged. 'Not sure, actually. Some Ravenclaw, I think.'

'You mean Jenny Markman?' James started to snigger, and choked on crackling. 'Remus, she fancies you.'

'I'm not going to fall for it, you realise,' Remus said, his expression serene. 'I do so hate to spoil a prank, but I'm not falling for this crap.'

'Moony, you're a brainbox and all but I swear, sometimes you're as thick as shit,' James pronounced.

'Why, thank you for that, Mr. Tact 1976,' Remus replied, rolling his eyes. 'Are you coming to class?'

'Nah, me and Wormy'll be along in a mo,' James said. 'Give my love to Snivellus, now, in case McGonadgoggles has started class before I arrive.'

'Will do,' Remus said, his voice laden with the irony James was so blessedly impervious to. 'But we have Potions first, not Transfig.'

'I knew that,' James protested, but it was quite obvious that he hadn't.

In fact, Professor Greenhorn was not in evidence by the time Remus reached the Potions classroom, rather early, and when he pushed the door open, the only two occupants of the room were Snape and Sirius, the latter having the former in a head lock.

'You two!' Remus snapped. 'Cut it out, or it'll be five points from the both of you.'

'Aw, Mo - Re-mus,' Sirius said, keeping a firm grip on Snape's throat. 'You wouldn't do that to your own house, now, would you?'

'Drop him,' Remus commanded, and with a heavy sigh to indicate how he so wasn't doing it for his own health, you know, Sirius dropped his arms. Sent off-balance, Snape stumbled forward, and Sirius helped him on his way with a hearty shove.

'For Merlin's sake,' Remus sighed. 'How old are you again, Sirius, twelve?'

'I'd say he hasn't even been born yet,' Snape snarled, getting to his feet and dusting himself off.

'You - shut it, or I'll beat you into next Monday,' Sirius warned.

Snape curled his lip, but Sirius had put his Galleons where his mouth was too often in the past for him to be much moved by Snape's grimaces. Instead, Snape turned his attention to Remus.

'So, the Monster Prefect,' he started, but that was as far as he got. With a roar of rage, Sirius leapt two desks and bore down on him, bringing them both crashing to the floor in a tangle of limbs and overturned desks.

'Just what is going on here?' Greenhorn's disapproving voice demanded. 'Mr. Lupin, why aren't you in control of the situation?'

'It's Severus and Sirius, Professor,' Remus said, with a half-concealed sigh.

'Ah.' Greenhorn's eyes glinted. 'That, sad to say, explains it all. Black! Snape! On your feet this instant!'

Both boys stopped tussling, but it took them a while to come to order.

'I don't even want to hear it,' Greenhorn said, as Sirius opened his long-lashed eyes wide and prepared to defend himself. 'Detention, again. You're worse than two dogs in heat. Next time, I shall bring a bucket of cold water. Or perhaps some kind of lust-quenching potion would be in order?'

'Professor!' Remus exclaimed. 'Do you really think -'

'With seventeen-year-old boys, I most certainly try not to,' Greenhorn said. 'It is a fact of life that they tend to put hormones before any other, wiser considerations.'

'I wouldn't touch Black with a twenty-foot pole,' Snape declared.

'Which is why you were on the floor with him, trying to beat seven hells out of each other? Spare me, Mr. Snape. There are better way of working through your emotions than this. The same goes for you, Mr. Black. A healthy ten-mile jog around the lake, perhaps.'

'I know exactly how Black would like to work through his emotions,' Snape said, pulling his thin lips into a mockery of a smile. 'I could even say with who.'

'Just shut the hell up,' Sirius snarled, and for once, heeding the coiled tension in his words, Snape did as he was bid. He threw Remus a knowing, nasty glance that turned his insides cold, although he could not have said why.

At that moment, the rest of the class trooped in and Snape slunk to his seat by the window. Remus followed Sirius to the back of the classroom, throwing Snape a puzzled glance as he did so. Sirius must really have it bad for Jenny, if Snape, of all people, was trying to use it against him.

James wandered in late, sending Greenhorn a dazzling grin. He, however, was in no humour for his tardiness and removed five points off Gryffindor - something that usually took half-an-hour of class time to happen - and this shut James up for the rest of the class.

Sirius seemed to be an a serious strop over what had happened. He was slumped in his chair, elbow on the desk, a fist scrunched in his hair. He sat turned away from Remus, but Remus could tell he wasn't taking any notes or even paying attention.

As soon as class was over, he stormed out. James turned around and raised his eyebrows at Remus, who shrugged in puzzlement. As he gathered up his books, Severus made his way over to stand before Remus' desk.

'Yes?' Remus said.

'I was just wondering,' Severus said, his lip curling, 'if you knew what the problem with your little boyfriend was.'

'Come again?' Remus stared at him in confusion.

'Sirius Black,' Severus said, enunciating his words as if Remus were a hearing-impaired half-wit. 'The one with the crush on you. Noticed anything particularly strange about him lately?'

'No,' Remus said, refuting both of Severus' claims. 'Stop talking rubbish, Snape.' He hugged his books to his chest and walked quickly out of the classroom.

~

Remus twirled a quill in his fingers, and rubbed his other hand through his hair in irritation, making it stand up in a fuzzy halo. The parchment in front of him was covered in crossed-out beginnings of sentences, scribbles and doodles. A free Arithmancy class, due to Professor Vector having been taken ill, meant that he had an early start on his homework, but for the life of him, Remus couldn't seem to concentrate. It would have been really excellent to have some of it done before dinner, too; Sirius and James always flew through their homework, leaving them with ample time to spare for distracting their less speedy classmates.

With a groan, Remus shoved away the parchment and accidentally spilled his bottle of ink over it, which annoyed him even more. He could hear his mother's voice in his head, reciting the old adage, Ink/robes/shoes/schoolbooks don't grow on trees, you know. She'd never accepted his claims that it was Sirius who wasted his ink drawing caricatures of the teachers, Sirius who tore his robes, Sirius who used his shoes for indoor Quidditch practice, Sirius who scribbled all over his school books, bending and tearing and generally destroying them.

Remus wandered over to the window, and plumped down on the worn maroon cushions. Outside, a view of the lake stretched away to wooded mountains, and beyond that an endless, impossibly blue sky. While the long, warm afternoons lasted, his friends would probably insist that they took their homework outside. Remus had always enjoyed that, even if he got even less work done than in the common room. The air was warm and smelt of cut grass, and as twilight fell, everything became coated with a burnished, purple glow. Sirius would run around trying to catch fireflies and James would try and trip him up and Peter would laugh. Remus would pretend to scowl behind his book, but secretly revel in being a part of this, a part of something bigger than himself.

With a jolt, Remus realised that this was his last autumn term at Hogwarts. When the snows came, it would be the last time he'd see them as a student. The thought made him sad. He knew his friends had plans to rent a flat in London, but it would never be the same as here.

He heard a light footfall on the stair, and checked his watch. It was four o'clock; his friends would be finished class soon. He stood up, stretched, and was just straightening his robes when Lily walked in.

They both stood frozen for a moment, Remus' mind replaying, in intricate detail, the last time they had been alone together - when they had kissed. He cleared his throat uncomfortably.

'Remus.' Lily broke the silence with, and smiled. It looked as if it caused her pain, but she kept it up all the same. 'How are you?'

'Fine, thanks,' Remus said. Lily was still smiling, but it was turning into a grimace, and Remus wanted to be far, far away from here, out on the lawn where everything was simple.

'James just asked me out again,' Lily said, waiting for a reaction. When Remus ventured none, she added, her voice a notch or two higher than usual, 'I said yes.'

'Oh, did you?' Remus said, realising he sounded inane, but with no idea what he should say. That's brilliant? Do you really fancy him or are you trying to make me jealous? Well, that last was hardly true; people liked Remus, but they never fancied him. That sort of feeling was reserved for Sirius, who was gorgeous, or James, whose determination and humour had carved him a popular niche. 'I'm sure he's delighted.'

'And you, Remus?' Lily was looking at him as though his face was a fantastically interesting book that she was trying to read. 'Are you delighted?'

'Well, yes, I suppose so,' Remus fumbled. 'I know he's fancied you for ages - not quite sure if he deserves you, but -' He smiled, trying to make a joke of it.

Lily moved forward, so her hands were on Remus' shoulders. He jumped as she tilted her head, but she only rested her forehead against his for a moment. 'He doesn't,' she sighed. 'Remus, one day, you'll stop being so nice, won't you? Promise me.'

'I'm not that nice now,' Remus said, wincing and thinking of Florean.

'Yes, yes, you are,' Lily insisted. 'You're nice - too nice for your own good - and wonderful, and a really good friend to those wankers. They don't deserve you.'

'Hold on, Lily,' Remus protested, laughing. 'This is a bit full on -'

'Shut up, shut up,' Lily said fiercely, and kissed him hard on the lips. Remus stumbled backwards and she whirled away from him and was gone.

'Girls,' Remus said to the empty room, touching his bruised mouth. 'Completely bonkers, the whole ruddy lot of them.'

His homework looked a hell of a lot more interesting now.

~

When Remus came down to dinner, his Arithmancy homework was still not done, and he took in James' glowing face with a distinctly queasy feeling in his stomach. To make matters worse, Sirius was sitting with a plateful of sautéed chicken in front of him, even though students at the other four tables were tucking into shepherd's pie.

Remus sat down beside his friend, trying to tune out of James' triumphant squawking. 'Chicken again, Padfoot?' he asked in a low voice.

Sirius turned a pair of clearly besotted grey eyes on Remus. 'How could you think otherwise, my friend? Our love is strong and true and will last the test of time, I swear it by yonder blessed moon!' He stabbed at his plate with his fork, splattering Remus' sleeve with gravy.

Remus looked up to the enchanted sky for consolation, but there was none to be found. It was reflecting the one outside, and was a shade of deep blue, with a few stars coming out on the far horizon. The moon hadn't even risen yet.

On their downward journey, Remus' eyes caught those of Snape, who was sitting facing him from the Slytherin table. Snape looked altogether too pleased with himself. He raised one scraggly eyebrow at Sirius.

With a growing, horrified suspicion, Remus turned back to Sirius, who was murmuring sweet nothings to his forkful of chicken. He whipped his head back to Snape, who tapped his sailboat nose with one anorexic finger.

'Oh my god Sirius,' Remus gibbered.

'What's wrong, Moony?' James demanded. 'Why haven't you congratulated me yet?'

'Bugger off, James,' Remus said, passing a hand over his suddenly fevered brow. 'Snape has gone and cursed Sirius.'

'What?' James was instantly alert. 'What jinx did old Snivellus use?'

'I don't know!' Remus exclaimed. 'But it's made him fall in love with chicken...'

James cast his eye on Sirius. 'Ew,' he said faintly. 'Padfoot, please stop doing that with your tongue, I think you've scarred me for life.'

Sirius said something that, although muffled by marrow, sounded like, 'You'll be singing a different tune when you do it to Lily'.

'Ew,' James repeated. 'You don't recognise it, then, Moony?'

'No,' Remus said in despair. 'I wouldn't have put it past Snape to refine something old, or even design a new potion specially - it wouldn't be too hard to get the elves to put it in Sirius' tea...'

'The sly dog,' James whistled. Sirius gave an indignant snort. 'I mean, bastard. Sorry, Padfoot.'

'That's it,' Remus said with finality, standing up and gathering his robes around him. 'I'm going to talk to Severus.'

'It's certain death! The Slytherins will kill you,' James said, but Remus ignored him, and strode off muttering, 'It would be a relief.'

James waved a hand in front of Sirius' shocked face, and when he didn't move, stole the chicken wing out of his hand. 'Got to admire the boy, though,' he remarked to Peter, who nodded so hard his head nearly fell off. 'Got pluck. Daring.' He glanced over to the Slytherin table. 'We'll give him a lovely funeral, won't we?'

'Oh, yes, James,' Peter said, adoration shining from his beady eyes.

~

'What. Did. You. Do.'

It wasn't even a question; it was the barest of sibliant hisses because, although his calm demeanour did not betray it, Remus Lupin was angrier than he had felt in a long, long time.

Snape sneered up at him, triumph oozing from every pore like cheap aftershave, mingling with the musty scent that was Snape, or perhaps his hair.

'It's quite complicated, really,' Snape said. 'Extremely hard to remove, I shouldn't wonder.' Behind him, a couple of Slytherins Remus vaguely recognised - Rosier, Wilkes, Lestrange - sniggered in tandem.

'You're going to take the jinx off.' Remus seemed to have lost the knack of asking questions.

Snape pretended to consider this. 'Or not,' he returned at long last. 'You see, I quite like seeing Black confessing his love for chicken. It makes a nice change.'

'You're taking it off,' Remus repeated, his arms crossed over his skinny body to hold in the trembling.

'No,' Snape snapped.

'What do you want?' Remus ground out.

'I've already got it,' Snape said, jerking his head towards the Gryffindor table, where Sirius, chicken in hand, had got up on a chair and was holding forth, his eyes shining suspiciously.

'You - you git.' Remus could feel a head of steam building up.

'How sweet. Defending your little admirer,' Snape said. 'Tell me, is it jealousy that brought you over? I mean, I know Black can't be much in the loving stakes, but to have even that transferred to chicken - tragic.' His dark eyes were glowing with spite.

Remus' brow furrowed. Maybe Sirius' assertions about Severus fancying him weren't so far-fetched, after all. Severus seemed oddly fixated on the notion of Sirius liking Remus that way, which could only indicate some kind of transferral.

'I'll give you one last chance,' he suggested. 'Or I'll bring James over.'

'Hark at the brave Gryffindor,' Snape said, unimpressed.

'Blast you to hell!' Remus said. 'You're doing this for a reason, Snape, I know it. What do you want? Revenge? You've got it, right? So lay off.'

'You want me to fix this?'

'Would I be here if I didn't?' Remus demanded, two high spots of colour in his cheeks. One more second - just one more - and Prefect or not, he was going to blast Snape into smithereens.

'Fine,' Snape said, eyeing Remus speculatively.

'What?'

'I,' Snape rolled out the word, 'will be extracting my revenge from you, instead. Meet me tonight, in the Charms classroom, or Sirius will be walking down the aisle with a hen.'

'I have your word?' Remus said.

'On my honour as a Slytherin,' Snape said, smirking. 'Trust me, Black suffers nothing in comparison to what you will.'

'Lovely,' Remus muttered, shuddering.

As he walked away, Snape called after him, 'Nine o'clock sharp.'

Back at the Gryffindor table, everyone in Sirius' vicinity was roaring with laughter. Remus caught the tail-end of the dialogue.

'...until the stars fade and the sun fails, I will cleave to thee, o chicken mine, and our love shall outlast time itself.'

'Brilliant stuff!' James whooped, before catching Remus' eye and subsiding. 'Well?' he asked. 'What's the story, morning glory?'

'It's a jinx. I'm sorting it,' Remus said, his voice curt. James looked impressed.

'I say, well done, old chap. What did you do? Give him a wedgie?'

'Something like that,' Remus said, his voice restrained. He could see Lily's head a few chairs down, turned away from them. Her back was stiff. 'Listen, mate, could I borrow your I.C. tonight?'

'Sure thing,' James agreed, and tipped him a lewd wink. 'Going to rattle that Jenny bird, are we? Go on, my son.'

'Sirius' girlfriend, James? I don't think so,' Remus replied, frowning.

'She's not my girlfriend,' Sirius butted in. 'We broke up last week and besides, chicken would be jealous.'

'The things I do for my friends,' Remus muttered, looking back at Lily and then at Snape who sent him a smug look. 'I have to go,' he added, in a louder voice.

'You aren't coming outside to study?' Sirius sounded disappointed.

'Nah, I've, ah, got all my homework finished,' Remus said, bluffing. 'And I have, um, a headache. I'm going to bed.'

'Bed, eh? Right, right,' James sniggered. Sirius shot him a dirty glare, at which he assumed an injured expression.

'Take care, Moony,' Sirius said, punching him on the arm. Remus smiled weakly and made his way to the door, feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders.

~

Remus tossed up the lid of James' trunk, rooting through what looked like the entire catalogue of back copies of 'Quidditch Weekly' and 'Playwizard' before eventually locating some clothes. Under them, rolled up in an untidy ball, was James' silvery Cloak. Remus drew it out and brought it to his bed. He tucked it under his pillow and sat cross-legged on the bed.

Outside the window, dusk fell. Remus was getting a cramp in his legs, and was just thinking about moving when Sirius came haring into the room. Not wanting to deal with twenty questions in the mood he was in, Remus threw the cloak around himself.

Sirius started throwing things out of his trunk; all manner of stuff soared through the air as he rooted for something with his customary carelessness. He finally extracted what Remus recognised as a Transfiguration textbook, before sitting back on his haunches and blowing his sweaty hair out of his eyes. His hand went to his pocket, from where he withdrew a rather dusty-looking chicken leg, which he stared at longingly.

Remus' heart melted. Whatever Snape had in store for him could not be as bad as watching Sirius endure what he believed to be love for an inanimate object that could never love him back. It was typical of Snape to come up with something like that. He was clearly a lonely and bitter boy.

After a bit, Remus started to fidget; it was twenty to nine, and Snape was pedantically punctual. He could very well call the whole thing off if Remus wasn't there on time. However, Sirius was still mooning at the chicken, and Remus was about to try sneaking past him when he finally heaved a great sigh and shoved it back in his pocket. Remus, expecting him to leave, stood up, but Sirius climbed onto his bed and pulled something from under his pillow - a piece of paper, Remus thought. He stared at it with a deep frown, before biting his lip and replacing it. He launched himself off the bed and bounded down the stairs with the energy of a whirlwind.

Remus knew he shouldn't - particularly not when Snape was waiting for him - and he knew that prying was wrong, or at least ill-advised, but he couldn't resist. He whipped his hand under the pillow and pulled out ...

Well, it wasn't paper. It was half of a photograph. A photograph of Remus.

Remus frowned. Why, in the name of Merlin's seven illegitimate daughters, did Sirius have a picture of him under his pillow? Perhaps he'd put it there by mistake.

Shrugging, he placed it back under the pillow. At least it wasn't something incriminating; it would have been very embarrassing if Remus' curiosity had led him to read a love letter or some such. Not that he thought Sirius would keep love letters under his pillow; he wasn't that kind of person, not to mention that he never stayed with anyone long enough for them to write him letters.

Fastening the Cloak more securely around his thin shoulders, he set off for his rendezvous with Severus.

~

Snape looked up as Remus entered. Remus, steeling himself, shrugged off the Cloak and laid it carefully on a desk.

'You came.'

'Of course I came,' Remus said witheringly. 'I want you to take this stupid jinx off my friend. How could you think I'd chicken out?'

'Excellent choice of words, Lupin,' Snape said, with a sneer. 'You'd better be sure about this. After all, given the choice, you might prefer to leave Black making sweet love to dead meat for evermore.'

'Hardly,' Remus retorted. 'It was incredibly cruel of you. No wonder love potions are illegal - I assume that's what it was, right? How would you like it if you fell in love with something that couldn't love you back?'

'Couldn't say,' Snape said. Remus rolled his eyes.

'Spit it out, then,' he said. 'What do I have to do?'

'Come here,' Snape commanded. Gritting his teeth, Remus obeyed.

Snape was leaning his weight against a desk. He beckoned Remus on, until they were standing so close that Remus could feel his hot, spicy breath on his face.

'Sit down,' Snape said, his voice sounding constricted. Remus perched on the desk beside him. It was uncomfortable and cramped, because Snape was taking up a good half, not to mention that his hand was gripping the edge of the table. Remus took care not to sit on it.

Remus stifled a yawn, and thought back to his Arithmancy equations. It hit him that he should have divided by four, not six, in the problem that he'd got wrong. Perhaps it was Snape, affecting him by osmosis - he was the best student in the Arithmancy class. Remus was pleased; the night wouldn't be a complete waste of life after all.

Snape twisted around so that he was sitting up on the desk too. His hand was squashed in between their legs, but he didn't seem to care. 'I want you to kiss me.'

Remus couldn't help it. He laughed. Snape glared at him, his black eyes glowing with anger, and Remus laughed even harder.

'Okay, very funny,' Remus managed at last. 'You've had your little joke. Now, get on with your revenge so I can leave.'

'That is my revenge, you nimrod,' Snape hissed. 'I want you to kiss me. Properly, that is. On the mouth and everything, for at least ten minutes.'

'You - you're serious, aren't you?' Remus felt suddenly faint. His stomach roiled. 'No, you're mad. Quite, quite mad. Anyway, what kind of revenge do you call this? It won't even affect Sirius.'

'Oh, won't it?' Snape returned, his eyes gleaming. 'It's my revenge, so I'll be the judge of that. All you have to do is tell Black, when you go back.'

'Tell him?' Remus repeated. 'Do you have a death wish? He'll want to kill you.'

'I thought you said it wouldn't affect him,' Snape retorted.

Remus was flustered. 'No - I mean - look, he'll be angry at you for forcing me to do this - or if you made James, or Peter...but it's not going to hurt him. You aren't going to be - vindicated, for doing this.'

'Really? You don't think?' Snape's voice was detached. 'There are lots of ways of hurting people, you know. Those are my terms.'

Remus looked at Snape. His pale face was more flushed than Remus could ever remember it being, even that time Sirius had forced him to eat three red hot chilli peppers.

Remus' heart sank. So this was his choice? He ran over the terms in his head. He had to kiss Snape, and tell Sirius he'd kissed him. The whole thing was baffling to Remus, but it appeared to be the only way. It wasn't like it was his first kiss or anything (although that had been nearly as traumatic, really).

'You'll take the jinx off Sirius?' he asked.

'Yes,' Snape said.

'I'm not even going to begin to pretend to understand this ridiculous power-play you two have going on, but I swear this is the last time I'm getting involved.' Remus said.

'Really, Lupin, I could care less about your opinions,' Snape informed him. 'You ready?'

'Hang on,' Remus said. He performed an alarm spell and set it to ring in ten minutes. Snape scowled at him. 'You said ten minutes, and you'll get ten minutes. Not one second more.'

'Fine,' Snape growled. Remus could feel a knot massing in his stomach, and he felt like he was going to be sick. Before he could think about it too much, he winced and leaned forward to put his lips on Snape's.

Although Remus' mind shied frantically away from cataloguing details, he remembered quite a lot of those ten minutes. Snape's breath hitched when their mouths met and he remained motionless for a long time. Remus, fighting to keep his eyes closed, was just beginning to think in relief that this was all there was to it, when Snape's hand moved from the desk, trembled over Remus' own, and slid around his waist. His other hand clenched on the robes at Remus' neck, forcing him closer with graceless urgency.

Snape broke off for a second to whisper hoarsely, 'Open your mouth.' Remus, his eyes still clenched shut, repressed a shudder and parted his lips.

In a moment Snape's mouth was covering his again and something hot and wet slipped over his teeth. Remus tried not to realise that it was Snape's tongue, but when the evidence was there in his mouth it was more than a little difficult to remain oblivious. One of Snape's hands pinched him, and - blinking back a sudden rush of tears - Remus moved his tongue to meet it.

Remus could hardly imagine that he was a skilled kisser, and he was in no position to judge if Snape was one or not, but it was pretty clear that Snape was enjoying himself. Remus' jaw was beginning to seriously ache, and he couldn't stop himself shuddering. He mentally berated himself for being such a wimp, but he couldn't help it. No matter what he'd thought before, it was horrific, and Remus was never going to kiss anyone else so long as he lived. Not only did it not live up to the hype, it wasn't even nice.

Snape was beginning to cling to him, both his arms around Remus' neck. For the sake of his balance, Remus was obliged to grab onto Snape's hip. Snape was in danger of making him fall backwards as he pressed forward eagerly, trying to get Remus to open his mouth even more, although there was no way that it could. Remus tried to lever him to a more vertical position, but all he achieved was tangling his hand in Snape's robes and...

Remus screamed, but Snape was still kissing him, so it had to be inside his head. He couldn't believe that...but his mind refused to even put words on it. He yanked his hand away, and Snape arched up, pressing his body to Remus. He was moaning softly into Remus' mouth.

That was the final straw. With an almighty shove, Remus detached himself from Snape and stumbled away from the desk, shuddering, as the alarm rang.

'Get out,' he said, in a low voice. He could still feel the alien taste of Snape's tongue in his mouth. He heard Snape's feet on the floor, the door opening, and the sound of his voice as he whispered, 'Revenge is sweet indeed.'

Remus blinked, trying to calm down. 'Buck up, you loser,' he told himself fiercely, and scrubbed at his eyes. It was a while before he realised that he'd never checked to see if Snape had lifted the jinx.

It had all been for nothing.

~

The cheery sounds of laughter and chatter emanated from behind the portrait hole as Remus trudged up the stairs. He found James and Sirius in situ, engaged in game of Exploding Snap. As he sat down, the cards blew up, and James emerged from the smoke with singed eyebrows.

'Urg, I'm sick of losing this bloody game!' he announced. 'I'm going to bed. Night, Moony.'

'Night,' Remus remembered to echo, when James was almost at the stairs.

'Hey, something up?' Sirius regarded him with miraculously unscathed eyebrows. One of them was slightly higher than the other, Remus noticed.

'No,' Remus said, and sighed.

'Right,' Sirius said, sounding unconvinced. 'By the way, I have some bad news.'

'Oh god, what?'

Sirius looked startled at Remus' vehement reaction. 'Not that bad. It's just...' he looked down at his hands, a pensive expression on his face. 'Me and chicken. We're finished. You're right. It was never going to work.'

'The jinx was lifted?' Remus felt suddenly brighter. 'Then Snape kept his word? You're not in love with the chicken any more?'

'No, I'm not,' Sirius confirmed. 'Hang on - did you say Snivellus was involved?'

'Yes.' Remus gritted his teeth. 'He put a jinx on you - a potion or a charm or both, I'm not sure. I didn't ask for details.'

'Why on earth did he lift it, then? Doesn't sound like him,' Sirius said, his brow furrowing.

'Well, I - I made him lift it.'

'How? Throw a book at him?' Sirius laughed.

Remus stared into the fire. He wondered how long he could last without confessing. Not very long, he imagined; Sirius had a way of weaselling confidences out of him. 'No. I kissed him. That was the deal. I had to tell you that I had, so...I did. And he lifted the jinx.'

Sirius didn't reply and Remus dared a look at him. He quailed at the naked anger on Sirius' face; his grey eyes were almost black with rage.

'The wanker,' he growled. 'I'm going to kill him.'

'No!' Remus said sharply. 'I didn't go to all that effort just so he can curse you again. That's the end of it. Besides,' he added, as Sirius clenched his fists impotently, 'you'd be playing right into his hands. He expected you to act like this. He must know how ridiculously jealous you get. It's not good, Padfoot.'

'Jealous? Snape said that?' Sirius looked pale.

'No, he didn't,' Remus snapped. 'But that's what you are.' He shook his head at Sirius' stunned expression. 'Oh, not that way, Padfoot, you silly tool. But you can be possessive. Florean said as much - well, more...' Remus winced at the memory, which was not one he cared to recall.

'Florean the Fairy? Florean Fortescue? When were you having this cozy chat, then?' Sirius' voice was high and indignant.

'The last day of our stay in London...oops,' Remus said, realising he what he'd walked into.

'I thought you said you were just going to pick up a book,' Sirius said, his voice carefully even.

'I was! Florean was in Flourish and Blotts, and...' Remus fumbled for words. 'And he said that.'

'Really? He just walked up to you and said 'Sirius Black is a possessive bastard'?'

'No.' Remus squirmed.

'Well, actually, he'd be right,' Sirius remarked. 'I didn't like that smarmy git moving in on you. You didn't like it either, did you?'

'No,' Remus agreed.

'Exactly. For two pins I'd've duffed him up, but you wouldn't let me.'

'I told him that, actually,' Remus said, not looking at Sirius. 'He - he did try to - and he wasn't very pleased when I told him I didn't - and he said if it wasn't for you...'

'If it wasn't for me, he might have been able to get his rocks off with you?' Sirius gave a harsh bark of laughter. 'Why didn't you tell me, Moony?'

'It wasn't a big deal,' Remus muttered.

'Yes, it is! It's a very big deal. Did he kiss you?'

Remus shook his head, feeling his hair whip into his eyes. 'No! I didn't want to and whatever you say about him, Padfoot, he wasn't going to force me. Not like...'

'Snape,' Sirius finished for him. His eyes widened, and a look of pure horror blossomed on his face. 'Wait...that means...Snape was your first...'

'Oh - he wanted me to tell you that, too, as part of his 'revenge',' Remus said. He grinned weakly. 'I tried to tell him how stupid it was, but -'

'My god, Remus,' Sirius groaned, burying his head in his palms, his long fingers digging into his hair.

'What's wrong? Look, calm down.' Remus sat on the floor next to him, patting his shoulder. 'It wasn't very nice, but look on the bright side - you aren't in love with chicken anymore!'

Sirius muttered something unintelligible. Remus wondered what he needed.

Then inspiration struck: alcohol. Alcohol for oblivion, and a hangover to face the new day with. It was exactly what Sirius needed...and what Remus needed, come to think of it. He wanted to sterilise his mouth.

'I've still got the I.C.,' he whispered in Sirius' ear. Sirius stiffened. 'Let's sneak down to the Head and get mouldy drunk. You think?'

Sirius grinned sideways at him. 'I bloody think.'

~

The Hog's Head was a horrid little pub, but after seven pints Remus could overlook the smears of dirt that acted in place of varnish, and the curiously matted sawdust on the floor. Compared to the Three Broomsticks, it was like a cave in which something had died, but the upside was that teachers never came there. They either assumed that students wouldn't either, or that the myriad of diseases they were at constant risk of catching from there were punishment enough.

All sorts of disreputable people gathered there. The Three Broomsticks refused entry to Dark Creatures (once Remus left school he probably wouldn't be able to go there again) and sent home the obviously intoxicated, most of whom ended up in the Head. Remus was pretty sure that there was a coven of vampires in the corner; fortunately, they seemed to be holding a Black Ribbon meeting. As Sirius returned, yet again, from the bar, Remus heard one of them say, 'My name is Otto Willem Leon Chriek, and it has been ten years since my last bite!'

'What - what I don' unner 'tand,' Remus said, concentrating hard to marshal the words properly, as Sirius seated himself opposite him, 'is Sev'rus. Righ', why'd he think tha' was such a gooden revenge?'

Sirius, who'd been laughing at Remus ever since he'd downed a naggin of Firewhiskey and immediately fallen over, coughed into his honey mead. 'You want me to fathom that's git's mind, do you?'

'Well, you should know,' Remus said, frowning. 'Why'ern he say it, he knew you woulden like it...why? Oooh, Padfoot...I don't feel so good.'

'I think we should get you back,' Sirius said, and Remus nodded. He left off quickly, because it made the room spin even worse.

Sirius, who could hold his drink considerably better than Remus, dragged Remus to his feet with ease and linked him. They had used the tunnel under the Shack to get into Hogsmeade, as Honeydukes was closed at this time of night.

Remus felt the cold night air hit him like an icicle hammer. He shuddered.

'All right, Moony?'

'Yuck,' Remus replied, and felt Sirius laughing.

'You're pathetically easy to intoxicate,' he said, sounding amused. 'I'm surprised one of your numerous beaux hasn't discovered and exploited the fact yet.'

'I don' 'ave beaux,' Remus said crossly.

'What do you call Florean? And Snape? And, while, we're on it, Lily?'

Remus was too drunk to notice the tightness in Sirius' voice, and he announced, 'Insane. Quite simply.'

'Ah.' Sirius arm held up him up as they trekked down the road to the Shack. He was a ball of warmth in the freezing air, and Remus tucked his face into Sirius' shoulder.

'Fanks,' he said, his voice muffled by cloth and inhalation of Sirius' aftershave.

'What for?'

'Bringin' me home,' Remus explained, wiping bits of wool from his mouth. He smiled up at the great, beautiful expanse of sky. 'You're insane too, but I like you.'

'Cheers,' Sirius said dryly.

Remus was tired after his great effort at sparkling dialogue and he felt a bit hazy as they stumbled down the tunnel and across the grounds. Sirius must have transformed at some point, but Remus couldn't remember it. The rest of the journey disappeared into a fog of blissful, alcohol-sodden oblivion, until the warmth of the dormitory woke him up a bit.

'Here.' Sirius was holding out a pint glass of water. Remus drank obediently, although it retained the unpleasant coppery taste of magic. Sirius had obviously conjured it; he was drinking from another glass himself.

When he was finished slugging, he looked up to find Remus watching and grinned. 'We'll feel better for that tomorrow,' he said. 'Or at least, you will, you two-pot screamer.'

'I should've stuck to mead too,' Remus said, flopping back on his bed and rubbing the heels of his hands into his stinging eyes.

He felt the bed sink and looked up at Sirius. 'Are you sure you're okay?' Sirius asked, sounding concerned. Remus laughed self-consciously and levered himself up onto his elbows.

'Look, it was one of those things, right?' He shrugged. 'Jus' Snape makin' mischief again. Not that you don' provoke him, Padfoot.'

Sirius grinned and leaned forward to brush Remus' damp hair from his forehead. 'You, though! If you do something like that again without telling me...' he shook his head. 'Let me fight my own stupid battles. I'm supposed to look after you.'

'Says who, Mum?' Remus asked, rolling his eyes. Sirius tugged at his hair warningly.

'Says me,' he replied, his voice husky. Remus squinted at him. His face was deadly serious and he looked like he wanted to say something more. His teeth pulled at the edge of his lip, as they always did when he was nervous.

'Wha's wrong?' Remus asked. 'You look constipated.'

'Your honesty is so refreshing,' Sirius said. Remus smiled, but Sirius was still sitting on his bed, his body warm against Remus' leg, and he hadn't taken his hand out of Remus' hair. A suspicion began to grow in Remus' gut, and he was starting to come to an awful realisation when Sirius, his breath short, leaned forward and pressed his mouth to Remus' cheek. No, the side of Remus' mouth. Remus was frozen in shock. Sirius dragged his lips across Remus' with extreme gentlessness, hardly even touching them. Remus' nerve-endings tingled.

Sirius kissed him harder. He tasted like honey and mead.

Remus bent his knee and shoved it into Sirius' gut. Sirius rolled off with a pained grunt.

Remus scrabbled off the bed, and ran past him into the common room. Sirius had the sense not to follow.

'This,' Remus told the fire, 'has been the worst day of my life.'

Then he looked at his watch and realised that it was two in the morning.

For some reason, he couldn't say 'days'.

~

It was going to be the last day of the summer.

Remus could feel it in his bones when he woke up. There had been a coolness in the air that hinted of red leaves and snow; the tail-end of the warmth was fleeing Hogwarts.

He arose and headed down to breakfast before his friends awoke, as he had been doing for the past two weeks. James was highly confused by this behaviour, but knew from the last time Remus and Sirius had fought over Snape that it was far wiser to keep his nose out of it. Besides, he was preoccupied with Lily, who always got up and walked off whenever Remus came over to talk to them. It felt to him that everything was falling apart, and it was all his fault.

He had Arithmancy and a double History of Magic; two blessedly Marauder-free classes. By skipping lunch, he managed to spend the day without laying eyes on them. He got to avoid Snape as well, which was a blessing. The day after they'd kissed Remus, both had disappeared for a whole afternoon. When they returned, Snape had a black eye and a dislocated arm and Sirius, a broken nose.

Remus was bent over his books, under a cedar tree in the grounds, when the sun sank for the last time on the summer. Remus filled in the last answer to the last question and threw aside his books, leaning his head back against the tree with a sigh. The warm air lingered as dusk rose around him and crickets chirped faintly in the distance.

'Moony?'

He'd never heard Sirius sound so uncertain in his life, but it was him, all right.

'What do you want, Sirius?'

'I brought you some food,' Sirius muttered. 'You missed - I thought you'd be...' Sounding angry with himself, he deposited a flask and a cardboard box beside Remus.

'Sit down,' Remus said and proceeded to investigate the contents of the box. Raspberry tarts, scones with jam and beef sandwiches - all of Remus' favourite snacks. He uncapped the flask and sniffed it; tea and honey.

'I'm sorry,' Sirius mumbled. Remus stared at him over the rim of the flask.

'What?'

'I said, I'm sorry,' Sirius repeated, his voice louder and angrier. 'I'm sorry. I'm sorry you had to kiss Snape and I'm more sorry than you can imagine that I -' he paused, and swallowed '- that I, I kissed you. I was talking to Lily -'

'Lily Evans?' Remus interrupted in surprise.

'Yes, Evans,' Sirius said impatiently. 'How many Lilys do you know? Anyway, she told me I shouldn't have kissed you. It was inappropriate and ... well, I'm sorry.'

'I thought you and Lily didn't get along,' Remus said.

'We've found we have...more things in common than we realised,' Sirius said, sounding awkward. Remus couldn't imagine what he meant, but Sirius didn't seem inclined to elaborate.

'Okay,' Remus said, feeling confused and hot. Sirius was so near; nearer than he'd been since he'd...and Remus was more desperately aware of him than he'd ever been before. His hair swept across his forehead in an inky-black arc and he was glancing up at Remus through long, curling lashes. He had freckles on the bridge of his nose, his cheeks were brilliantly red, and he was biting the side of his generous mouth again.

'She also said,' Sirius continued, ducking his head, 'that I should tell you how I feel about you.'

'What - what do you mean?' Remus stammered. 'You're my friend, that's...'

'No,' Sirius cut him off, pulling up grass stalks in methodical annihilation. 'I mean, yes, you are my friend and I'm yours...at least, I was, before I went and monumentally screwed it up.' He took a deep breath. 'But that's not all. You see...I realised...I've known for a while that I ...oh, god.' He sounded anguished. 'I love you, Remus. I'm sorry.'

'You what?' Remus whispered. Sirius looked up at him, his grey eyes full of pain.

'I love you,' he repeated, his voice sounding choked. 'For a long time, now. Lily's right. At least if I tell you, I can move on. I'm such a selfish bastard, though, I couldn't keep on with you not knowing.'

Remus felt like he was drowning. The air felt as viscous as water, thick and heavy all around his face. His brain was slow and sluggish, unable to cope with the magnitude of what Sirius was telling him.

'Why?' he managed. 'I - I have nothing. Nobody wants me. Nobody should. Not to mention that -'

'The lycanthropy?' Sirius shook his head. 'You're a werewolf. I know, Remus. You don't think Padfoot loves the wolf as much as I love you?'

'Stop,' Remus said in anguish, covering his ears with his hands. 'You can't. You can't love me. It's stupid.'

'It is not!' Sirius protested. 'You can't say that - you don't understand what I'm feeling.' His hands stretched over Remus' robe, which was billowed out on the grass around him, and began pleating it. 'You don't know what it's like to watch you, and know that you're my friend and I love you as a friend, but that I also want to touch you so badly it hurts. It hurts, Remus. I'm sitting next to you -in class in the common room in the halls on the grass - and you're smiling, and your lips are so -' he took a shuddering breath '- and everything else. What you look like after a full moon and when you wake up in the morning and your hair is all standing on end. All the time, all day, all night. I love you and - and - you can't stop me.' He balled his hands into fists and looked away. 'I wish you could.' Remus could barely hear the words.

Remus put a hand to his head. Air was clawing in and out of his throat and every breath was an effort. Sirius was staring back at the ground now, his hands clutching the folds he'd put in Remus' robes and as Remus watched, he raised the material and kissed it.

Lily had said Remus was too nice. But kissing Snape for his friend's sake hadn't been nice. What was nice and what was not was mixed up in Remus' mind. He'd been shocked, and stunned, and frightened, when Sirius had kissed - tried to kiss? - him. He'd been terrified because it meant he could no longer trust him...but the kiss itself? Had that been nice? He must have thought so, because afterwards, in the common room...

'You've ruined everything.' His voice came out flat. 'Everything I could trust in is gone because of you. If I hadn't gone with you to London, Lily would never have kissed me. She hates me now. If it wasn't for you, I'd never have had to kiss Snape, and if you didn't l-love -' his voice stumbled over the word '- me, we could still be friends.'

'But we are friends! Aren't we, Moony?' Sirius pleaded.

'How can we be friends when I know you want to hop my bones?' Remus snapped. Sirius blanched.

'It's not - it's not like that,' he stuttered.

'What is it like, then? You got tired of shagging girls and thought you'd have a go with me?' Remus' tone was hard.

'Don't be stupid,' Sirius said scathingly. 'I only ever went out with girls to try and forget you. It didn't work. And I've never -' he broke off, but Remus got the gist of it. 'Look, I don't want to do anything with you. To you. Except be your mate. But mates have to tell each other the truth, and the truth is I love you. But - I mean - I can get over it. I will get over it.'

'Why tell me then?' Remus demanded. 'If all you want is for us to be the same as ever, why say this? Why change it when you want to change it back straight away?'

'Fine!' Sirius exploded. 'You want it all? You do? I told you because - because -' his face crumpled, and his voice trailed off into a whisper '- there might be the tiniest chance that you want me back. I mean, too. I mean - you know what I mean.'

'Right.' Remus nodded. He felt like Sirius had said what he'd known all along, although five seconds ago he could barely have correctly answered a question as to what his own name was. 'Right.'

Sirius rolled away from him, onto his back. His fine hair haloed around his head, long enough to frame his aristocratic face on the grass. The dusk settled, purple and warm, over them; a few stars lit the horizon and stared at their own reflections in the lake.

Remus thought that Sirius really was beautiful. Oh, he was argumentative (and loyal) and bossy (and protective) and a right pain in the arse at times and had a habit of running his mouth. And beautiful.

Remus thought about the idea of someone loving him. He already knew Sirius liked to spend time with him, that he enjoyed his company and even laughed at his jokes. He also knew the things that Sirius found irritating about him, because he never hesitated to inform Remus of them when he was feeling irritable and moody (about once an hour, usually).

Remus thought about the people who had kissed him; Lily and Snape and Sirius. He remembered how much Lily seemed to like him, and how soothing it had been to be around her. Snape was all sharp edges, and Remus had decided there was worth in him, if only someone could unlock it. He looked at Sirius and knew, because it happened every day, how everyone else seemed to pale into insignificance when Remus looked at him.

In fact, it was all set up. This was how people who loved each other acted anyway. It wasn't like it was perfect. But he thought there was a good chance that, for once, Sirius had got it right.

As long as...

'Sirius,' he said, surprised to find his voice trembling. Sirius immediately turned to face him.

Remus gulped. 'Tea?'

'What a Moodian reply,' Sirius said, but he was grinning. 'In times of crisis, turn to tea.'

'It's in the genes, excuse me,' Remus retorted, but he busied himself pouring tea out into the lid of the flask. Sirius moved to sit beside him, and Remus could feel him, could almost have calculated how many inches Sirius' body was from his own. All his senses seemed uncomfortably heightened.

He turned and held out the cup to Sirius. Sirius accepted it, curling his hands around it. Remus tried to turn it so that Sirius could take the handle, but his fingers were trapped under Sirius'.

'Oh, jeez, I'll just drink it like this,' Sirius said in exasperation. 'Hold tight.'

He tilted the cup so he could sip from it, his fingers sliding over Remus'. The tips of Remus' fingers brushed Sirius' chin. It was lightly stubbled. Remus felt something catch in his throat. If he wanted to, he could...he could...

His hands were suddenly freed, as Sirius got a better grip on the cup and began drinking properly. Instead of putting his hands away, as he probably should have done, Remus swallowed, and brushed his knuckles against Sirius' cheek.

Sirius' eyes opened wide. He choked on the tea, and hastily set the cup on the ground, wiping his mouth clumsily with the back of his hand.

'What?' he said, his voice rather squeaky. Remus almost smiled.

Remus had never initiated a kiss, but the logistics were fairly rudimentary. He brought his other hand up to cup Sirius' chin, and leaned closer. His breath thundered like in his ears like a raging tsunami. Sirius opened his mouth - to object, question, wonder - and, to stop him, Remus ran his thumb over his bottom lip. It felt rough, and was slightly damp. Sirius stopped looking confused in favour of looking entranced, and his eyes fluttered closed.

Remus' heart was thumping so loud, he felt like his skin was too small to contain everything he was feeling - nervous and scared and excited and fearful and amazed - and he thought he'd better do something, before he actually exploded. Copying Sirius' example from the other night - the kiss he had not been able to put out of his mind - he drew his lips down from Sirius' temple, across his cheek, to the side of his mouth. Sirius turned into his kiss, taking him by surprise. Sirius halted as he felt Remus start, and was on the point of drawing back when Remus - well, he wasn't sure what he was supposed to do, but he knelt and opened his mouth and let Sirius invade it.

He tasted of honey. He tasted of Sirius. He tasted incredible.

When Sirius had kissed him breathless, he reluctantly let him go. Remus touched his tender lips in awe.

Perhaps there was something to this kissing business after all.

Sirius was massaging his nose. 'Did I hurt you?' Remus asked in concern.

Sirius laughed. 'Hurt? ...Oh my god, Remus, do you have any idea...' He grabbed Remus to him and started bombarding him with soft kisses, on his neck and cheeks and nose. Remus laughed and blushed, feeling embarrassed and indescribably happy all at once.

'Why didn't Pomfrey heal it?' he asked.

'I wouldn't let her,' Sirius said. Remus stared at him, which, considering he was two inches away, felt strange. He'd never realised Sirius had quite so many eyelashes. 'I wanted to punish myself.'

'You're an idiot. A grandiose, over-dramatic, silly idiot,' Remus informed him. He stroked Sirius' nose, tentatively. 'Is it still tender?'

'A bit.' Sirius looked up at him, opening his eyes wide. 'Want to kiss it better for me?'

'I think I could manage that,' Remus agreed, his heart pounding.

'It might take a long time to heal,' Sirius said, sounding sad. 'Years, even. There's more to fixing noses than you imagine.'

'When you break your nose, it can be sore for a while,' Remus said, wondering how long he could keep extending this metaphor. 'And afterwards it doesn't look like it did before. But it is the same nose, and you'll get used to it. You just have to look at it in a different way. And, probably, after a while, you'll forget that it used to look like anything other than what it is.'

Sirius was smiling at him, a smile that Remus had never seen before, one fit to break his heart. He pulled Remus down on the grass beside him, and even though the last night of summer was cooling down, even though full dark was nearly upon them and they'd soon be breaking curfew, Remus let him.

'Remus John Lupin, I love you,' Sirius said, brushing Remus' hair out of his eyes, 'and I'm so incredibly grateful that I broke my nose.'

'Sirius Thaddeus Black,' Remus said slowly, wondering if he could actually say the words. He wasn't entirely certain, not yet, but in this light Sirius' eyes were like dark pools of hope and longing. 'I -' he swallowed '- I love you. I love you, Sirius Black, you grandiose idiot. And -' he dropped a kiss on the tip of Sirius' nose '- I'm so incredibly grateful you broke your nose.'

~FIN~