From the Eyes of the Werewolf

Chapter Twenty

Look Before You Leap

The excitement from the Quidditch Match continued as the students made their way from the Pitch into the castle. The Gryffindors cheered, laughed, and caused general ruckus all the way to their common room, where there was sure to be a very enthusiastic party. Even some of the students from Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff were chattering away about how astounded they were to see Harry's perfect Patronus and the effect it had on Mr. Malfoy and the other Slytherins. Indeed, it had turned out to be an event to remember for all the students.

The teachers were also quite impressed at the outcome of the event. Remus, himself, couldn't hide the pride he felt for Harry in conjuring that Patronus, no matter how stunned he had been upon seeing the actual form it took. No, this was truly a happy day and even a scowl from Snape wasn't going to ruin it for Remus. In fact, Remus was so delighted that he even whistled quietly on his way to his chamber in the staff wing.

Feeling happier than he had in a long time, Remus lit the fire in his study and went to his desk where an owl had dropped off the Daily Prophet, as usual. Another letter lay next to the newspaper on his desk, which brought a smile forming on his face from ear to ear. It was a letter from Katie. Remus hadn't heard from Katie since Christmas and was eager for any news from home. Sitting by the fire he ripped open the envelope and pulled out the letter.

Dear Remus

It was a delight to come home from a decidedly tedious day just last week to find your letter waiting for me. Your timing is wonderful, thank you, for there hasn't been much going on here as of late. The Christmas holiday kept us busy with all the outbreaks of sniffles and worried mothers rushing out to get that healing potion for their child, but now things have slowed down and resumed their normal pace.

Remus chuckled upon reading this. It was always busy in the winter as mothers fretted over their children. Katie would spend hours brewing simple healing potions for what she referred to as the "sniffles". Just wait, Katie. One of these days you'll know just how it feels when your own child is sick!

Remus went very still for a moment, gazing off into space. The hand holding the letter fell as he sat in silence. Then, quite purposefully, he brushed the thought from his mind and continued reading.

As for the subject of Hogwarts, it is always nice to hear that you are doing so well with your work. It sounds as if Harry is a very determined young man; I wish him the best of luck with his efforts. I'm sure with your help he will eventually be able to conjure a true Patronus.

Oh Katie, you should have seen it today! He did it! I can't wait to tell you about it!

The ability to teach well, and to earn the trust and respect of your students, is a gift Remus, and you seem to be exceptionally talented at it. I expect that they will extend your contract and invite you to stay on for the years to come. Professor Dumbledore would be mad not to keep a teacher like you on staff; and while I cannot argue with his good sense, I am of course aware that it comes with a cost to those of us who wish you were home.

Remus paused for a moment. He hadn't really considered that. Staying at Hogwarts permanently meant staying away from Katie. As much as he loved his work at Hogwarts, he missed Katie sorely. On the other hand, being away from Katie meant that she could start getting on with her life without Remus. Truth be told, she needs much more than you can give her.

I've actually had some opportunities to get out to Exeter and off the moors here for reasons other than business. I've even given in and joined Parson for a bit of traveling here and there lately,

Parson? She is traveling with Parson?

as it has been years really since I took the opportunity to dedicate time to simply enjoying the Island. Our latest excursion took us into London for the weekend.

Weekend? She spent a weekend with him...ALONE?!

Parson's family owns a small cottage just outside of The City where his mother was kind enough to insist we stay at for our visit. Considering the cost of rooms in London these days, I decided to take her up on her offer of hospitality. Besides, I didn't want to actually risk going to a hotel with Parson and letting him get 'ideas'. Some men may make passes in front of their mother, but Mr. Parolles is not one of them.

So instead of staying in a hotel, she stays in his house? Two adults alone in a big house...I'm sure you were very comfortable. And I'm sure Parson was very pleased with himself.

We had dinner at another one of his much-loved fancy Muggle restaurants. I had offered to make us a simple home cooked meal at the cottage, but he insisted that we see the town and that one does not cook when on vacation. I thought that a bit rich, and I really don't see the fuss in all that overly priced food, but Parson really enjoys it and I guess that's what mattered.

Rich...oh I'm sure he showed you just how rich he is! I can see him now ordering all that Muggle food cooked with God knows what as ingredients. He probably doesn't care what it is just as long as it's the most expensive thing on the menu. Remus let out a mock laugh. He probably doesn't even like the Muggle food! He just orders it to prove he can afford it and hopes he can manage to eat it! Maybe he'll do us all a favor and choke on some of that greasy muck one of these days!

I did, however, enjoy the opera that he took me to see. It was breathtaking! I didn't understand the language, but I couldn't help but feel the emotion. How powerful and romantic it all was! I really wish you had been there to hear it, as I can just picture the look on your face as I listened to their exquisite almost transcendental voices. You would have been enchanted right there beside me.

Oh yes, imagine me tagging along with you and Parson to the opera! Watching him dote on you. Watching him put his arm around you. I would have really enjoyed that Katie. Thanks for thinking of me! Be sure to invite me for Valentines Day, will you?

One thing, however, rather surprised me about the weekend, in that I seem to be growing used to Parson.

Oh no...please no...

At least, he doesn't addle me quite as he used to. Horrors! I should be fair, it's never been that there is anything exactly 'wrong' with Parson, but as you pointed out once, he does rather drain one at times.

He's a boring twit, that's what he is!

And he is rather enamored with studying for his estate tax exams. I cannot make polite small talk about legacy clauses at any price, and how ever you have managed to do so with him over the years is beyond me. You are a better man than I am, Gunga Din.

I suppose that the real fact of it is that it's nice to have someone to talk to one-on-one. Mrs. Noyes is a dear, but she can get side tracked by work. Parson has always tried to be attentive, and he does dote on me quite a bit, which no sane woman can really find fault with.

All the money in the world doesn't change the fact that Parson, as an individual, is as interesting as my little toenail! But then...all the money in the world wouldn't change the fact that I'm a werewolf either. Even if I had his money, I still wouldn't be...human...or able to be with you like he can be with you.

I know there is more to him than meets the eye. His family, I will say now that I have had the chance to spend time with them, truly is wonderful and very open to my work and loved to talk about it! Considering Parson has never really wanted to, I didn't expect they would either. I dreaded meeting them at first, but now I seem to fit in with them easily. His mother was telling me she was very happy to finally meet me, as she has seen a change in her son since we've been spending time together. I found that odd myself because Parson hasn't changed in my eyes, but I suppose it's flattering to know I've had a good effect on him.

Well, anything would be an improvement. The only good taste the man seems to have is the fact that he chose you over the other women who probably dangle themselves in front of him. He's only an overstuffed pocket book full of money with no real interests.

I'm sorry that I've rambled on about this, but honestly, there isn't much to tell unless you want to hear more boring stories about potions and Parson.

And we all LOVE to hear stories about Parson. He is, after all, the most fascinating man I've ever encountered! Please Katie, I beg you...MORE PARSON! More bloody boring stories about the damned fool who can give you everything you've ever dreamed of! Tell me all about your love affair with this complete idiot! I'm really happy for you...both!

I promise to find something interesting to tell you about in the next letter.

What? And miss out on all the fun you and Mr. Wonderful have had? No Katie, I enjoy watching you fall in love with an ass!

Until then, take care of yourself and of Harry. And try not to think about whatever it is that is worrying you. I got the feeling from your last letter that there was something you weren't telling me. Whatever it is, Remus, I'm here for you if ever you need to talk.

I'm sure you have loads of time to devote to me! I'll just have to make sure I don't interrupt one of your extravagant soirées with the honorable Mr. Peebrain.

I look forward to hearing from you and I miss you. But now that Christmas is over, I have your return in the summer to look forward to, yes? I'm pre-ordering the Pym's Cup so it will be ready for us to celebrate your return to the South.

Love,

K

Remus crumpled up the letter and threw it on the floor. A rage had built up inside of him unlike any he had ever known. He stood up and began pacing the room like a caged animal. His fists were clenched tight and his lips were so tightly pursed together that they went white from the pressure.

A chuckled escaped his throat. "Oh, this is grand!" He laughed out loud through the frustration. "You go off to teach and SHE falls in LOVE!" With sudden fury, he picked up a glass off of his desk and threw it in the fire, the sound of shattered glass ringing through the room.

Remus stared at the fire, panting...trying to calm himself. He had never felt like this before and couldn't really manage to comprehend why he felt the way he did. He had no relationship with Katie outside of friendship, and certainly no promise had been made that this wouldn't happen. She was bound to fall in love sometime, wasn't she? "Why did you have to pick...him?"

His head suddenly jerked toward the desk as he eyed his quill. "She said she wanted to hear from you, well by all means, let's tell her what we think about her choice of companionship." He flopped himself down at his desk and began scratching out his wild thoughts, his hand shaking from the anger he felt.

Katie,

How nice it is to hear all about your sudden interest in our dear friend Mr. Parolles. I was especially interested to hear that you actually stayed the night with him in his home in London. I'm sure you enjoyed every waking minute.

And dare I say "sleeping" minutes as well?

I'm glad you have found someone to talk to, as you put it, because true friends really are hard to find in this world. Parson sounds as friendly as friendly can be, and I'm sure you have the full attention of his ear.

And some other body parts as well.

I'm also ecstatic that you don't find him dull. After all, he really has no good qualities besides the fact that he is disgustingly wealthy and can ramble on for hours about nothing important to anyone. Mainly he talks about himself, does he not? It's nice to know that you find him as interesting as he finds himself.

Monotonous, sterile, tedious prat!

How wonderful that his family has accepted you into the group! You know, I've always believed that you deserved to be part of a family that comes from such a fine and respectable background as the Parolles family. They really have so much to offer you. They must think you mad for putting up with the likes of me and my meager world for so long.

Personally, I'm not sure if I'll be returning to the house anytime soon as my responsibilities here at Hogwarts have grown too numerous. In fact, I may stay on over the summer to help with some odds and ends around the castle. I have begun to think of this place as a home and have a family of trusted colleagues here now. I can't imagine leaving my work here to return to the less important task of merely weeding the garden.

So you see, I am doing quite well. You needn't bother yourself with thinking about me. I'm sure Parson has a few surprises up his sleeve yet and wants your full attention. You shouldn't be wasting your time sending letters to someone like me when you obviously have more pressing things on your plate. If you feel the need to tell me all about your next escapade with your love, I will be here to listen. But if you find you haven't the time between dinner parties and the theatre, I will be no worse off for not having your correspondence.

Until your next available moment,

Remus

He sat back and examined the parchment, still in a rage but feeling a bit better for getting some of his anger off his chest. He smiled at his handiwork and began reading the letter out loud to himself, just to make sure he had achieved the desired result. But as he got about two lines into the letter, his smile faded as he realized just what he had written.

Had he really said these things? Did he really mean to suggest that Katie was in an intimate relationship with Parson? How could he ever tell Katie that he didn't want to return home to his garden...and to...her? His eyes roamed over the hastily written words, ink blotted here and there from drips Remus hadn't bothered to avoid making. His handwriting looked fevered and rash...just as he had intended it to look. You can't send this letter, Remus.

He sighed deeply and folded up the messy parchment, placing it aside. What were you thinking? You were thinking she has forgotten you...but...really...is that true? He rose from the desk and retrieved the crumpled letter that Katie had sent him. His eyes scanned over it again. This time, he focused on the things he didn't see upon his first reading.

"She said '...extend your contract and invite you to stay...it comes with a cost to those of us who wish you were home.' Wishes you were home, Remus, not at Hogwarts." His eyes jumped down the page. " Ah...'I really wish you had been there to hear it'. So you see, she's out with Parson, but thinking about you. That's something," he said out loud to himself. "And look at this bit at the end. She says right here that she wants you to come home."

Then his eyes fell and lingered upon the words he himself had muttered many times. "'I miss you.' I miss you too, Katie."

His mind raced back to the last time he had reacted without thinking clearly. It was before Katie knew about the wolf on the evening of a full moon. He had shooed her out of the house hastily and with out explanation. He had yelled at her. I told you to wake me at four. Why are you still here? He had cursed at her and she had run away thinking the worst. He almost lost her that night. He only earned her trust by telling her the truth...and apologizing. You can NOT send that letter!

With out hesitation, Remus found himself sitting back at his desk with quill in hand. This time he was able to keep his hand quite steady over the parchment. He dipped his quill into the ink and paused to think a moment before he wrote:

My dearest Katie,

I am writing to you as a man put in his place. Your last letter took me somewhat by surprise and I regrettably admit that I reacted in a manner I am not proud of. Though it may make little sense to you, I feel I need to apologize for my thoughts and the letter I so rashly wrote, but had the presence of mind to crumple up and throw away upon reading it..

I am so fond of hearing about your day-to-day life, that when you suggest that your letter might become a bore I can only laugh. How exciting for you to visit London. It is indeed an exquisite city filled with exciting things to do and places to go. I am happy that Parson was able to share some of that with you as I know you deserve all that the world has to offer you. But I am regretful that I was not the one fortunate enough to share the experiences with you. I must confess that I find myself to be jealous of the time Parson has been spending with you. I know nothing will ever come between us as friends, Katie, but you'll forgive me if I pity myself for a moment that your off having the time of your life and I'm here in a classroom all day.

Don't misunderstand me, I do enjoy my work and I see the benefits daily. In fact, just this afternoon I was able to watch Harry conjure a true and strong Patronus! It was amazing and I can honestly tell you that I wouldn't have missed that moment for all the Muggle food in London. But if you had been here to see it, too, that would have made the moment perfect.

Please forgive my faults in this matter and realize that I am only...

The quill froze at the spot. He had almost written it! Human... Remus reconsidered and decided upon a more honest choice.

Please forgive me and realize that I am only a man trying to keep hold of one of the best friends he has ever had - one of the best things that has ever come into his life. I truly am sorry for my behaviour and I assure you it won't happen again. I miss you and look forward to the time when we celebrate my return home.

Yours,

Remus

Feeling much more content and at peace, Remus folded up the second letter and placed it on the corner of the desk to be sent in the morning. He yawned and looked out the window at the black sky. Was it really this late in the evening? Going to the mantle, he checked the clock only to be astounded that it was actually very late at night! He hadn't even realized that the time was passing. In his fury, he hadn't even bothered to notice the time. Deciding he must get some sleep, Remus started for his bedchamber.

"Professor Lupin!!"

Started, Remus turned toward the door. The sound of a fist rapidly banging was joined with the fearful voice outside. "Professor Lupin! Hurry!"

Remus opened his door to find Professor Vector in her nightdress, looking as if she had seen a ghost. "What's the matter?" A quick glance down the hall told Remus that the whole staff was being gathered.

"It's happened again. He broke into the castle! Professor Dumbledore wants us all to meet in the Staff Room."

He? He who? Oh no...

The witch had turned to leave and awake the next staff member. "Wait!" Remus called after her, unbelieving what he was hearing. "Are you saying that Sirius Black broke into the castle again?"

"YES! And this time, He attacked one of the Gryffindor third year boys!"

Oh God! Harry! Not even bothering to close his door, Remus darted off to find out exactly what had happened...and how badly Harry had been hurt.