From the Eyes of the Werewolf

The Secret

Christmas break didn't last very long in Remus' eyes. He had much to concentrate on and loads of work to do. He spent his time marking papers and setting up future lessons for all of his classes. He also took it upon himself to look up some information that might be of use to Hagrid with his case concerning the Hippogriff. It seemed that other people were taking up the cause as well, for Hermione had stopped in on more than one occasion asking for clarification on various cases she had read about.

Remus thought it was very kind of Hermione to want to help Hagrid. He knew that she would do an excellent job of researching cases and that Hagrid had a much better chance of winning his case with Hermione giving him notes about information she had found. After all, there was no one who was more thorough in her research than Hermione Granger, and it was that fact that was starting to cause Remus to worry.

Hermione popped into Remus' office several times over the holidays and each time Remus got the impression that she knew about him. On her first visit to his office, she informed Remus that Hagrid had told her no one understood what it was like to be misjudged better than Professor Lupin. That was the initial cause of worry. But on her second visit, Hermione hinted that she knew Lupin would be the one teacher who really knew what this "trial" meant. Remus asked her to explain her comment.

"Oh, just that you deal with dangerous creatures all the time," was her response, but she said it while looking down at her feet as if she were hiding something.

Remus thought about Snape's essay and how Hermione admitted to having finished it. What if she does know? But she never acts as if it bothers her that her teacher is a werewolf. Certainly, if she knew, she would say something to her classmates...to Harry.

It's very hard to keep the wolf a secret.

It wasn't the first time something like this had happened. Over the years, it became much easier for Remus to keep the wolf a secret. However, in his youth it had been something very difficult to do...especially while he was at Hogwarts. Naturally, his friends noticed that he disappeared once a month and questioned him on several occasions. Most of the time Remus could get away with a lie about a sick relative, but he wasn't able to keep it up for very long. And by the time he had started his second year, his friends confronted him about it.

More precisely, Sirius confronted him about it.

"Moonglow." Remus groaned as he muttered the password to the tower. Of all the passwords for her to pick...

Another full moon and come and gone. Another lie had been told. You'd think I'd be used to this by now...

It was the middle of the night and Remus had spent the day healing in the infirmary. He just wanted to slip up to his own bed and fall fast asleep. The common room was virtually empty except for one figure slouched back in the big armchair on the far wall. Sirius...Sirius was the only one in the room and he didn't look very happy. Curious as to what was wrong Remus asked, "Hey, what's up? Why the long face?"

"Nothing," was the only reply. He didn't look up.

Remus frowned. "What did Peter do this time?" Peter was always getting into trouble. It wasn't his fault that he wasn't as quick as James and Sirius. They all knew that Peter was nowhere near as talented as the others, but they didn't dare tell him that too his face. Peter tried, hard, to fit in...but he was always messing something up.

"This doesn't have anything to do with Peter." Sirius kept his face down, but his eyes rose slowly to meet Remus'. It made Sirius look fierce and Remus suddenly felt afraid. "I was waiting to see when you would return this time."

Oh no....

Swallowing hard, Remus said, "Well, I'm back. And I'm going to go off the bed." He turned and started for the stairs but Sirius' question held him back.

"Just what exactly was wrong with your Aunt?"

"Huh? My Aunt? OH!" Dear lord...I almost gave myself away...

"Yes, Your Aunt. It was your Aunt that was sick this time, wasn't it? I can never keep track. Sometimes it's your mother, sometimes it's your father...cousin...uncle..." Sirius leaned forward. "You know, you sure do have a number of ill relatives."

Not liking where this conversation was heading, Remus shook his head and started towards the stairs again, hoping Sirius would just let it go.

"You know what else I find interesting?"

Now in the doorway, with his back to Sirius, Remus paused and asked, "What?"

"You never talk about them except to tell us they are sick. If you're so concerned about sick relatives, I would think you'd talk about them more than just...once a month"

Slowly Remus turned to face him. The way he had said 'once a month' sent a chill up Remus' spine. "Sirius..."

"You don't even have any photo's of family other then your parents! You don't get letters or Birthday and Christmas presents from them. My God, Remus, just who are these mysterious sick relatives whom you care so much about but they don't seem to care about you?"

"Look, I don't want to talk about it. I just want to go to bed."

"NO!" Sirius stood up with such command that Remus felt his pulse race. "We're going to talk about it now, Remus. I am not about to let you lie to me one more time!"

No...no...please no...

Licking his lips, Remus tried to think of something to say but words had left him. Sirius was slowly advancing closer, while Remus took a few timid steps sideways and away from he doorframe.

"It isn't a relative that's sick...it's you."

Remus could only stare in shock.

"You don't have to admit it, Remus. I know. James knows. We ALL know."

No...you can't know...you can't! Still, Remus said nothing, his eyes trying desperately not to look at Sirius. He grabbed at his neck and rubbed nervously.

Sirius spoke again. "Oh come on, do you think we're so daft as not to notice!" There was a quality to his voice that Remus had never heard before. What was it? Fear? "Every month you...change."

Change...oh god....

"You stop smiling...stop laughing...you keep to yourself. Sometimes you're gone for days. And every time when you return, you look like you've been beaten up." He paused before adding, " You look like hell, Remus!"

A sob was stuck in Remus' throat. He didn't want them to know about this...and he didn't want to cry in front of Sirius. Sirius would laugh at him if he did. Crossing his arms, Remus turned his back to Sirius, his head held low.

Frustrated, Sirius sighed with a loud, "Awh, bloody..."

Silence lasted for what seemed like an eternity until Sirius nearly whispered his request. "Why don't you just tell us the truth?"

Remus, still unable to face his friend, shook his head defiantly.

"That's what I thought. James was right. You aren't going to ever tell us, are you?"

Another pause. Remus knew that Sirius was waiting for him to answer, but he just couldn't. If he spoke now he would most certainly cry. How stupid he would look crying in front of the bravest and most talented student in the school.

"We knew you'd never tell us. We had a theory as to why you disappeared, but needed some proof. That's why we took it upon ourselves to find out for sure if we were right."

What? No...they didn't...

"So, last night...seeing as how it was a full moon... we used the invisibility cloak to follow you and Madam Pomfrey."

Remus gasped and turned with a jerk to look at Sirius in horror. Panting, heart racing, Remus managed to mutter, "W-w-what?" Full moon...they know...

"What's under the Whomping Willow, Remus?"

"Oh my God!" Remus covered his mouth with his hand in an attempt to hide his fear. Immediately, his eyes swelled with tears.

"Is it a room? A cage?" Sirius was now shaking his head in confusion. Very softly he said, "Just tell me they don't put you in a cage."

Remus looked up at his friend and noticed that tears were swelling up in his eyes as well. He had to explain it now as Sirius had seen it with his own eyes. "It's not a cage," he said almost under his breath. "It's a tunnel. It leads into Hogsmeade...to that old house on the hill."

"The haunted one the Prophet goes on about?"

"It's not haunted."

"But witnesses have heard..." He stopped, realizing what Remus was saying.

"Trust me, it's not haunted." Remus sighed and wiped at a tear falling down his cheek. "You know, it wasn't any of your business. You shouldn't have followed me."

"Not my business? You're my friend, Remus, and I take it personally that you don't think I care what happens to you!" Sirius' voice was rising.

"Friends don't spy on each other!" Remus spat.

"Friends tell each other the truth!"

"Well, I couldn't this time!"

"Why the hell not? What did you think we would do? Ignore you? Abandon you? Hate you?"

"YES!" It was a shout unlike any Remus had ever uttered. Sirius froze and stared, mouth open, at Remus. "This isn't a joke, Sirius. This isn't some little prank. This is real...and it will never go away! There isn't even a cure! And everyone I've ever met treats me like a monster once they know the truth!"

"Now that isn't true," a voice from the stairs sounded. James took a step out of the door, revealing himself. "Sorry, couldn't help but overhear. Not everyone treats you like a monster." Peter was standing on the steps behind him.

Remus rolled his eyes. "Oh, well aside from my parents, a few random physicians, and Professor Dumbledore."

"You forgot some people," James said, standing next to Sirius. "Sirius, Peter, and I have known for over two months that you were a werewolf." He looked over at Sirius and with a puzzled face asked, "Do you recall ever treating Remus like a monster?"

"Er...there was that time that we didn't talk to each other for days. But that was because he tripped me down the stairs."

"Yes, and you admitted to deserving that."

"True."

Looking to Peter, James asked, "How about you?"

"Me...treat Remus like a monster? And lose the best study partner I've ever had? Not likely."

Sirius sighed heavily, "So, we are all agreed that the answer to the original question pertaining to the treatment of Remus Lupin as the aforementioned monster would be 'no'."

They turned their heads to look at Remus who was trying with all his might not to smile, even as he started to cry freely now.

"Mr. Lupin, we put at your feet all evidence to the contrary that we have never treated you like a monster," James said, "and pledge from this day forth to help you fight off all injustices that you may face."

"Let it be noted that Mr. Black would like to add to Mr. Potter's statement by pointing out that Mr. Lupin is one of the cleverest pranksters he's ever met and would be doing himself a real injustice if he let something like this ruin their friendship."

Remus snorted as he tried to wipe the tears from his cheeks.

"Agreed, Mr. Black," James said.

"In addition, Mr. Pettigew would like to point out that Gryffindors are above such back stabbing behavior. We should leave that in the capable hands of the Slytherins." The four friends stood quiet for a moment with smiles on their faces.

Quietly Remus said, "Thanks."

Through a yawn, Peter said, "Well I don't know about you but I'm dead on my feet."

"Duly noted," James said. "Let's go upstairs."

"I'm never going to pass that Defense test tomorrow," Peter sighed.

"Don't worry," Remus said. "I'll help you study over breakfast."

"Hey," Sirius said, "if you're offering to do other people's homework...Binns assigned us that Goblin Rebellion chart that I just don't..."

"Watch it," Remus said, giving him a little shove.

"Excuse me, Professor?" Hermione Granger said from the doorway.

"Yes, Hermione, I didn't see you there." Remus stood up and invited her into his office, wondering how long she had been waiting and watching him whilst he was lost in his thoughts.

"I just came by to drop off this book. I don't think anything in it will help Buckbeak. The cases are all about creatures that were eventually killed, and that's not the outcome we're hoping for."

Remus took the book form her. "I'm sorry about that."

"But the other book you lent me has several things I think we can use."

"Wonderful. I'm glad you found it helpful." Hermione stood looking at Remus as if she wanted to say something but just didn't know how. Maybe she wants to ask you if you are a werewolf? "Is there something else, Hermione?"

"No - yes - er...why do even have all of those books?"

She's certainly suspicious. Clever girl. "I was involved in a case against a dangerous creature once. After that, every time I found a book that I thought might come in handy someday, I bought it. Mind you, I haven't read them all cover to cover, but you never know when one of them might come in useful - especially when you teach Defense Against the Dark Arts."

"Naturally," Hermione replied. "Well, I better show Hagrid what I found."

She turned to leave when it struck Remus that every time she had been in his office over the break, she had been alone. Where were Ron and Harry? He asked her about it and was met with a surprising answer.

"They're upset with me for telling McGonagall that Harry received a Firebolt for Christmas. She took it away and now..."

"A what?"

"A Firebolt. It's a racing broom that - "

"I know what it is, Hermione. I'm just puzzled...who would send Harry a Firebolt?" James would if he were alive. He always had the best broom for Quidditch. But James isn't alive so who could have sent it?

"Well, I'm not certain, but I think Sirius Black sent it to him."

Remus froze. "Why do you think that?"

"Because...because he's after Harry and wants him killed. What better way to do it than with a jinxed broom?"

Remus quickly looked away from Hermione. He knew that he had gone pale and he certainly didn't feel now was a good time to discuss why. Keeping his back to her, he excused himself and headed out into the hallway and down to his own chambers. A new determination filled his soul. He couldn't let Sirius get to Harry. He couldn't let Sirius do to Harry what he did to Lily and James and Peter. He had to find Black and stop him once and for all.