Potters, a History

Chapter 8. Maps and Meetings

So far, Lily and Remus had been having a lovely day in Hogsmeade. They started out at Honeydukes (for a little early morning energy). Lily bought five sugar quills, anticipating the lengthy essay for Defence Against the Dark Arts that was due in two weeks' time. Remus, meanwhile, left with a handful of Chocolate Frogs, and a small pouch full of Fizzing Whizbees, which, as he knew, were her favourites. Lily munched on them delightedly as he gave her a guided tour of the Shrieking Shack.

Though it had been torn apart quite thoroughly, Lily could tell that it had once been a lovely manor. The size of the rooms, the height of the ceilings, the detail of the finials on the frames of every doorway... all signs of former luxury. Wonder who used to live here? she thought. A sudden, fleeting vision of three small, dark-haired children running through the rooms - momentarily bright and full of life, with a fresh coat of vibrant lilac paint on the walls - flashed before her. It was as though from some long-faded memory, one she knew was not her own... but this was something that she was used to, particularly when visiting old houses. How could she not have recognised that gift? She smiled at her own obliviousness, and quickened her stride to catch up with Remus.

Returning to Hogsmeade proper, their next stop was Zonko's. They'd debated whether Sirius would prefer to receive a gift of Belching Powder or Dungbombs; in the end it was decided that Dungbombs really were overused, and more subtle pranks could be pulled with Belching Powder. And now, they were sitting across from each other at a cosy corner table in the Three Broomsticks Pub.

They'd managed to slip back into their comfortable companionship so easily - almost too easily, she thought. It was very much the same easy friendship that they had shared for the last year, but the sexual element was almost entirely gone. She was vaguely disturbed by the realization that neither of them seemed to miss it. The conversation remained effortless, there were no awkward silences or tortured looks as there had been lately with James. In fact, if she remembered correctly, there hadn't really ever been, even during that first week apart. As hard as she tried to push this rather unsettling thought from her mind, she couldn't - there was a tiny, niggling voice in her head that kept insisting that things should be more strained between them. After all, she thought, no boy ever means it when he says he still wants to be friends.

"Did you actually want to get anything to eat, or wait until we get back to the castle? I can't remember what we're supposed to have for dinner, I'm sure it will be good though, don't you think the food at Hogwarts is wonderful?" Remus blinked at her. He was always unsure of how to answer when she started chattering like this. Usually she only acted this way when she was nervous, which was not often. But she couldn't be nervous now...could she?

"Well, either way, let's ask Rosie to get us some drinks, shall we?" she asked, giving him her best, most flirtatious smile. I've got to know, she thought.

"Sure," Remus said, and soon enough, they were sipping on the warm, fizzy concoctions. Perfect thing to compensate for the draft, he thought, wrapping his cloak a bit tighter around his chest.

"Mmm," Lily said, as she drained the last of her mug. She smiled brightly, and Remus looked genuinely confused at the manic expression on her face.

"Erm, Lily? Do you feel alright?"

She smiled at him mischievously. "I could be better." Before he had the chance to mull over this response, she leaned across the table and gave him an intense, sweet, butterbeer-flavoured kiss that seemed to both stop time and reach into the bottom of his stomach. He thought his heart might have skipped a beat or two. He was almost surprised to feel the pang of guilt in his stomach. Hadn't he been hoping for her to do this? He wanted to kiss her back - desperately - but that little voice in the back of his head told him he could not.

She studied his face. What was he thinking? It was difficult to tell, he was so guarded at times, but she thought she saw a flicker of emotion.

A quick battle between conscience and desire raged in his head and, as a testament to his abilities of self-denial, conscience won out. Still, he wished she would make this a little easier for him. "Lily! I thought we agreed that we couldn't... that..."

Aha. He does feel it. Well, if that's the case... she was prepared to fight. "No, Remus, you agreed that we couldn't. That we shouldn't. I on the other hand, believe we should give it a chance."

He looked at her, bemused. "Do you not understand?" He lowered his voice to a fierce whisper. "I. Am. A. Werewolf."

"Do you not understand? It. Doesn't. Matter. To. Me."

He sighed, exasperated. "Lily, I appreciate that you still enjoy my personality despite my lycanthropy. However, on a much more practical level, I could kill you. I'm not going to put you in danger just because you want to be all noble and date the werewolf boy."

She ignored his sarcasm. "Actually, I've been working to make it so you won't kill me. Or anyone else." He looked at her, confused. "I've been researching cures. With Professor Cinna... and Snape." She gave a little shudder with the last word.

"Wait... hold on. What?"

"And... on the side, of course," she gave a mischievous grin, "a potion that might keep me safe from you. You know, in case you change while we're together. Not that it would just be for me," she added quickly. "I can't imagine how many people it might help." He didn't look nearly as excited, or happy as she had expected him to. Actually, he looked almost sad.

"Lily...I only wish it were that easy." The smile on her face faded. "It's not that I don't appreciate the effort, I do, I truly do, but... hundreds of very famous and powerful potions masters have devoted their entire lives to this, and they haven't found anything. I don't mean to insult your talents, but..." He looked down. It had been bad enough having this conversation once. He was surprised he had the willpower to do it twice. "But you really shouldn't be holding your breath for a cure, even if you're the one looking for it. I don't want you to piss away the best years of your life waiting for me."

"Are you telling me I'm wasting my time looking for a way to try to be with you?"

"No, not at all," he answered simply. "Just that I can't let you do this to yourself. Getting up your hopes like this." And mine, he added silently.

"But I've had this idea... I don't think anyone's really explored it before, and between the three of us," she said, referring to herself, Snape, and Cinna, "we could refine it. I really think it could work..."

He sighed. "Even if it could... and I'm sure if anyone could figure it out, it's you... we'd both be very old by the time it was refined enough to make it through the Ministry's clinical trials."

"We could make it for you special... you could get it before it went through the Ministry..." she whispered, lower lip quivering dangerously. This was not the direction she had wanted to go in.

He forced a laugh. "No thanks... I've seen some of those trials... quite a mess they can end up." She looked down, and he knew she was having a tremendous go at holding back her tears. He reached for her face and tilted it up toward him, forcing her green eyes to meet with his hazel.

"Lily. It's just not realistic." He gave a sigh. "I wish it were. But I'm not going to let you do this. And," he added lightly, releasing her chin, "it's not as though this is the only reason that we shouldn't be together."

Her forehead crinkled a little. "It's not?"

Underneath the table, Remus dug his fingernails into his palms. "I mean, it's not as though it's a secret you've always fancied James."

The tiniest of smiles crept onto her face, though it was layered over with a look of indignation. Not much, but he thought it was telling. "Remus, this has nothing to do with James." And see? She wasn't denying it, either.

"Of course it does. I know I can't stand to see him this way." She arched an eyebrow, but he continued. "What, you haven't noticed that he's mooning about, completely lost? I heard he was only five minutes early to Quidditch practice on Wednesday. And the other day he asked me if I had the assignment for Muggle Studies - said he'd lost it. Hasn't quite been himself lately, if you ask me."

"So you're saying you won't see me because James wants me?" She looked a bit reluctant, but the smile was still hovering about her eyes. "Don't I have some choice in the matter? What if I'd rather..."

He cut her off. "Lily, you know that isn't the only reason. Not even the major reason." He laughed in spite of himself. "Even I am not that good of a friend, normally. But you have to admit there are certain extenuating circumstances here. And it's not as though James is just a consolation prize, either."

She gave a small sigh, studying him carefully for a few moments. She seemed not to have heard the last bit of his statement. "I think you're a much better friend than you know," she said softly. Then, quite suddenly, she hollered out to Rosmerta, lowering her voice a little once she had gotten her attention. "Four more butterbeers, over here please." She shot a look at Remus. "Oh... should I get one for you, too?"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Normally, James Potter loved the weekends. Normally, on a glorious, bright November Saturday, as this was, he would be out on the Quidditch field with his best friends, swooping and chasing one another on the broomsticks that Sirius's father had bought all the Marauders for Christmas last year (Mr. Black worked for the company that made Shooting Stars, and had managed to get four of the top-of-the-line sticks for his son and his friends, before they were even available in Diagon Alley). But today was not a normal day.

"Honestly, Potter, are you going to sit about all day, sulking?"

He looked up from the book that he had been thumbing through - "Pride and Prejudice," assigned reading from his Muggle Studies class. He hadn't liked it much, until Lily told him it was one of her favourites. After that, he read through it twice, and they spent much time debating whether Mr. Darcy really deserved Elizabeth, whether Elizabeth really deserved Mr. Darcy, and why, when they had both behaved so frustratingly, were you still cheering for them to get together in the end?

He sighed. "Unless you can think of something better to do."

Sirius had, indeed, thought of something better to do, but he first wanted to take the opportunity to chastise his friend for being so mopey. "I don't see what the big deal is, you know. They've only gone to Hogsmeade together, it isn't as though they've eloped or something."

"I know!"

"Remus told me it wasn't even a date."

"I told you, I know. I'm not upset."

"Yes you are."

"I'm really not."

"You are."

James was beginning to get irritated. "Okay, I am. Will you let it go?"

"No. I won't. You've been behaving like a spoilt six year old who's had his favourite toy taken away, and quite frankly, I think it's a bit ridiculous. I'm sick of having two of my best friends not speaking to each other over some girl." Sirius folded his arms across his chest.

James scowled up at him. "You don't get it, do you? She's not just 'some girl.' This is Lily we're talking about."

"There are other squid in the pond," Sirius started, but was promptly interrupted.

"No. Not for me there aren't. It's not like you with six different girls in the same month..." He looked down at his hands. "I don't even look at other girls, anymore."

Sirius had opened his mouth to say something more, but stopped when he saw the misery written all over his best friend's face. This was more serious than he had thought. Which to him could mean only one thing - time to change the subject.

"Well, Mister Doom and Gloom, you'll be happy to know I've thought of something to cheer you up."

James rolled his eyes. "Hurray," he said, flatly. "What is it?"

Sirius ignored his friend's monotone, pausing for maximum dramatic effect. "The Marauders' Map." No reaction. "Aw, c'mon. At least pretend to be a little interested..."

"Okay, okay. This is, without a doubt, the most amazing, exhilarating moment of my young life!!" He yelped with obviously fake enthusiasm. "It's a map... of what?! What does it do?!"

"Well..." Sirius said, lowering his voice to a conspiratorial whisper. James's eyes lit up, all thoughts of Remus and his Hogsmeade date banished. The excitement in his voice was now most definitely real.

"Excellent! To the library, then?"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Two hours later, they were hunched over a piece of parchment and five advanced Charms books, arguing about the spells that would be best suited to drawing, animating, updating, and accurating the map.

"I think if we modified that Spellcheckulus charm Lily came up with..." Sirius was saying.

"No, no no, the structure of that one is all wrong for this. It checks against a dictionary that never changes, and it only does it once whenever you ask it to. This one needs to check against the real world and update itself constantly," James reasoned.

"I know, that's why we'd have to modify the spell." He rolled his eyes, exasperated.

"But you're missing my point. The structure of the spell is wrong, it would be too hard to change it. We need to use something more like a Mirror enchantment, something that makes it constantly show the present, not occasionally change to be the correct thing."

Sirius frowned, tugging at the strand of hair that had come out of his trademark ponytail. "I guess you're right, that one probably isn't well-suited for it." He scratched his head. "There must be a simple charm for the drawing of it, at least..."

"Mmm," James agreed, brow furrowed in thought. "You know, we should just ask Lily for help, she's an absolute genius at Charms, and I bet she'd think it was hysterical..."

"No. No Lily. Absolutely no way in the bloody world are we including Lily in this. This is the Marauders' map, not the Map-of-the-Marauders-and-the-girl-half-of-them-are-in-love-with-and-who-is-threatening-to-tear-their-formerly-strong-friendship-apart."

"Shut up."

"I've got a point, haven't I?"

"No, you have not got a point. Remus and I are still perfectly good friends, it's just a little awkward for two people to like the same girl. You, of all people, should know that." He thought back to the single week in their fourth year (or was it the third? he could never remember) when Sirius and Lucius Malfoy had both been sent to the infirmary fifteen times as a result of frequent duels over the hand of Narcissa Drake. Though Malfoy was several years older, Sirius had won - but quickly got bored with the stunning Ravenclaw, and broke it off with her two weeks later. "And it's not like it's Lily's fault either."

Sirius snorted. "Right. I, on the other hand, feel that the situation would be eight and a half trillion times better for everyone involved if she would just make up her bloody mind. Not that I don't just adore Lily, I truly do, but you've got to admit she's not making it easier on any of you."

"Well, at least she's trying to be fair," he defended her. Inwardly, he agreed with Sirius a little, but he admired Lily for at least attempting to give them all some time to evaluate their feelings. "It must be hard to really care for two people at the same time. Give her a break."

Sirius looked thoroughly unconvinced, but from the look on James's face, he knew not to press it further. Fortunately, the tense moment was interrupted by the voice of Peter Pettigrew.

"Oh there you guys are. I was looking for you everywhere... you said you'd help me with my Transfiguration, James," he said, petulantly.

Sirius put his arm around the smaller boy, "Forget Transfiguration, my good man. Right now, we're working on Charms."

"But we haven't got Charms homework..." Peter said, forehead crinkling in confusion.

"Not homework, Peter. The Marauder's Map."

"You know, Sirius, every time you say that it's like you're speaking in italics," James said thoughtfully. Sirius made a face at him, then proceeded to explain the general idea of the map to Peter, who thought it was a fabulous plot indeed.

"Okay, first, we need to give it a password. And protection to keep other opening spells from working on it."

"Sounds reasonable," James said. "Have any suggestions?"

Sirius grinned. "I solemnly swear I'm about to cause trouble."

James laughed, Peter frowned. "That sounds a little weird."

"But it's a good start," James added. "How about, 'I solemnly swear...'" he looked devilishly at the faces of his two friends. "I solemnly swear I am up to no good."

Sirius and Peter both burst into helpless laughter. "That's good, Potter, very good," Sirius pronounced, wiping a tear from his eye. "Oh look, you've made me go all sentimental."

"That's funny. There has to be a way to close the map too... in case it falls into the wrong hands," Peter added, knowingly.

"Mischief managed!" Sirius whispered.

James agreed. "Perfect. It has alliteration and everything." Both of his friends looked at him as though he had just grown an extra head. "What?"

"Also," Peter continued dramatically, getting caught up in the excitement of it all, "I think it should insult anyone who tries to get in without the password."

"Monsieur Wormtail urges you to keep your nose where it belongs," said a voice from behind them. "Out of our business."

"Moony!" yelled Sirius delightedly. "Well, now we really can begin! All four of us are here!" He looked meaningfully at James, who poked his tongue out at him. But Sirius had no reason to worry. With the map on their minds, neither one was thinking of Lily, and the two were getting along as famously as ever.

It was quite late indeed by the time they had finally settled on the details of the map. Remus was to come up with an enchantment to draw the map and people currently at Hogwarts, Sirius would look up a suitable blocking spell, to keep out and insult unwanted readers. James, meanwhile, would work out the charm for animating and updating the map. Peter would be in charge of the password spell (to be reinforced later, independently, by all three of the other Marauders).

Sirius gave a happy, satisfied sigh. "We're geniuses, men. This map - this map will live on long after we are dead and gone."

Remus smiled. "I envy the next generation of..."

"Magical mischief makers," Peter breathed. "That's the title." Apparently unaware of the quizzical looks he was getting from his mates, Peter continued. He looked as though he was about to go into a trance. "Monsieurs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs, Purveyors of Aids to Magical Mischief Makers, are proud to present..."

"The Marauders' Map," Sirius finished.

"It's perfect," James and Remus said together. The four friends looked at each other, breaking at the same time into wicked grins.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Meanwhile, Lily had gone racing up to find Violet the second she and Remus had gotten back to the castle.

"Oh, flobberworm." Violet said, when Lily had finished her re-enactment of the Three Broomsticks conversation (leaving out a few details). "On the bright side, though, you don't have to choose between the two of them anymore, do you?" Lily looked at her reproachfully. "What, do you really prefer Remus over James?"

"Yes. No. I think so. Oh, I don't know. Why? Would you prefer James over Remus?"

"I think so, yes," she answered truthfully. All of the sudden, Lily found herself feeling very overprotective of James. "I mean, he's really smart, he's funny, he's dead handsome, and... you don't mind me saying this do you?"

Lily shook her head, although inside she wasn't so sure. "I know perfectly well that James is considered the ideal Gryffindor male by pretty much every girl at Hogwarts. Remus is just, different, somehow. He's almost as smart as James. He's really funny too, but in a more... I don't know. Understated way. He doesn't have that same confidence, you know, but that almost makes it better. And I happen to think he's quite handsome, as well." She got a far away look in her eyes.

"Oh of course, I mean, me too. I can see how you would have a hard time deciding. Actually... how did you decide?"

Lily thought for a moment. She actually didn't know. "I'm not sure. I guess... something inside me told me that Remus needs me more than James does. He's never been the one with girls flocking around him, he's always been the sweet, shy one. And besides," she added, "I was with him first. It seemed like the more honourable choice."

"Well, sure, but... the more important thing is which of them you're in love with. Not which of them you feel sorrier for."

A kind of wistful smile stole across Lily's face. "Well, they're both so wonderful..."

"Oh, I know." Violet's eyes shone merrily. "But, in my humble opinion... there's just something about James. I don't know what it is." She stopped for a moment to consider this, looking at a random spot on her wall thoughtfully. "Perhaps it's the hair."

Lily almost fell out of the overstuffed chair laughing. How many times had she thought that exact same thing? "You know, I really think so. It has to be the hair. Well, the hair and the Quidditch muscles."

"Ooh, yes. The hair, the Quidditch muscles, and the wicked sense of humour."

"And the soul-searching, chocolate brown eyes."

"And that absolutely delicious arse."

Silence.

"Don't you have your own boyfriend?" Lily arched one eyebrow.

Violet smiled. "I do... but if you're really not going to go after James..."

Lily grinned. "I'm not sure I ever said that. Only that it was a difficult decision. Which, as you pointed out earlier, has conveniently already been made for me."

This time, it was Violet who threw the first pillow.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

James Potter awoke to a tender prodding of his left shoulder. "James? James, wake up," came a vaguely familiar female voice. He blinked his eyes and let out a little yelp when he saw her face inches from his. Fortunately, Lily had thought to clap a hand to his mouth.

"Lily! What are you doing here?" James hissed. "I don't care if you are a prefect, you're not supposed to be in the boys' dorms!"

She frowned. It wasn't like James, of all people, to be reprimanding her for breaking a little rule like that. Then she noticed that he was shifting uncomfortably under his blankets, and she understood. Her face flushed, her eyes went wide, and it was all she could do to keep her jaw from falling open. "Oh... I'm sorry... here, I'll turn around."

He had never been more embarrassed, and he was aware that his cheeks were roughly the colour of overripe strawberries. How much had she seen? And could she tell what he had been dreaming about? Oh Merlin, do I talk in my sleep? He fervently hoped not. He pulled on a pair of his loosest boxer shorts and, over that, a pair of pyjama pants, then grabbed the glasses that sat on his bedside table. As he rose from the bed, he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. Oh well, he thought to himself. Hair seems no worse than usual. Should I put on a shirt?

"Can I look now?" Lily asked. He could hear the smile in her voice.

"I suppose." She turned, and he was pleased to see her eyes light up at the sight of his bare chest. Perhaps he did still have a chance with her. "As long as you explain to me why it is that you're sneaking into my bedroom at one in the morning."

The smile disappeared from her face, and from his as well, when he heard what she had to say. "Well... I woke up with another headache. And... I was dreaming about Charms... I went to class, only I didn't know anyone who was there. Everyone was wearing these black hooded robes and chanting something." She noticed that her eyes were beginning to water. Just as they had the day that James's parents had been killed. She gave an involuntary shudder. "I was only going to ask if I could borrow your Invisibility Cloak. I thought maybe I should go see what's going on down the Charms corridor..."

"No! No. Are you mad? You can't go down there alone, it would be dangerous." And she saw something in his eyes that she didn't think she'd ever seen there before - fear. She was touched, but she was not to be dissuaded.

"Well, I was hoping maybe you'd come with me?" He looked at her, dubious. "Look, James, quite frankly, I'm a little frightened by all this too, but... it's like something is telling me to go look. Something is happening at Hogwarts, James, and it's happening right now. I have to stop it if I can. Or at least find out what it is. And if you don't come with me, I will go alone."

She held his gaze for several long seconds, the flecks of gold in her green eyes shining brightly. That, coupled with the steely edge in her voice, told James that she was deadly serious. He said nothing, but turned to the locker at the foot of his bed, sliding his hands under the shimmery folds.

"Thank you," she whispered.

Lily wasn't quite sure she'd ever get used to the sensation of wearing an Invisibility Cloak. It was almost creepy, skulking around the castle, in the absolute silence of the moonless night, knowing that nobody could see you. That strange feeling, coupled with the absolute horror of what she feared she might be going out looking for, created quite a queasy sensation in the pit of her stomach. At that second, she was extremely glad that James was with her. Impulsively, she reached down and squeezed his hand tightly. He squeezed back.

"Lily," he murmured. He looked down and caught her gaze. Her eyes told him plainly that she was terrified. He thought that he could hear her heartbeat racing, in a frenzied, rhythmic staccato with his own. A sudden thought flashed into his head. I don't want to lose her. Ever. And suddenly, he didn't care that she'd been in Hogsmeade with Remus all day. He looked down at her, a lump in his throat. "I should tell you... just in case... in case something happens..." But he didn't get any further.

"We're here," she whispered. She wouldn't have thought it possible, but the feeling of dread currently residing in her chest deepened.

They both rose on their toes to peek into the classroom. There, where they both had stood so many times, reciting some new incantation for Professor Flitwick, were gathered close to twenty tall figures, all wearing hooded black capes. They seemed to have formed a circle around something, but Lily knew that they wouldn't be able to tell what it was unless they managed to get in, somehow. And even if they could... she wasn't sure she wanted to find out what it was, anyway.

"Are those...?"

"Yes," Lily said softly, eyes watering again. "It's exactly like my dream." Just then her headache returned full force. She squeezed her eyes shut with the pain, barely managing not to cry out. "James... I think... I think we should leave."

"Are you sure?" he asked, his calm undertone belying the fear that was swimming through his veins like so many minnows. "If we could see even one face... and you know they can't see us..."

She shook her head, a note of panic creeping into her whisper. "I'm not sure they can't, actually... who knows if there's some Dark magic that lets you see through Invisibility Cloaks?" James shivered. He hadn't thought of that. "No. I definitely have a bad feeling about what might happen if we stay."

The two crept slowly down the corridor, and once they were safely out of shouting distance of the classroom, they broke into a run, long legs striding in unison up to Gryffindor Tower.

Only a few moments after Lily had breathlessly whispered the password to the Fat Lady, the circle in the Charms classroom opened. "Welcome to the fold," oozed a sinister voice, "Peter Pettigrew."