Potters, a History

Chapter 5. Astronomy Tower

"Um, excuse me, Professor ... I know we've still got half an hour left of class but I've forgotten I was supposed to go see Professor Estrella and it's really important that I talk to her right away. May I be excused?" Lily looked up at Professor Cinna, hoping that he would allow her to leave the classroom. And, she thought, it would be even better if he gave me a slip to get up to the Astronomy tower.

"What is so important that you can miss a third of my class?"

She looked at her feet for a moment, trying to remember the exact story Sirius had conjured up for her - he had anticipated that Cinna wouldn't let even Lily go without a water-tight explanation, and he was widely accepted to be the best excuse concocter in their year, if not in all of Hogwarts.

"Well, she'd asked me to do a star chart for her, I guess she thinks there might be a really rare sort of alignment this week, but she didn't have time to do out all the sectors, so she asked me to help her. She said it was important that she have it today so she'd be able to reckon it with her charts, and I was running late this morning and completely forgot. It shouldn't take too long, I hope." He looked at her skeptically, and she continued. "I'll do all the makeup work, I promise."

"Yes, I'm sure you will, Miss Evans, but in Potions the hands-on experience is of equal importance with the reading." She frowned, wondering what she could do if he wouldn't let her leave. Seeing that she was worried - though not knowing the real reason for her anxiety - he took on a slightly softer tone. "Well, let's see this chart that's so important."

She reached into her satchel and quickly produced last night's Astronomy homework, which (oh, Sirius, you genius!) was a carefully plotted diagram of the Ursa sector over the next two weeks. She wasn't sure if he would let her leave even if he did believe her story, but she knew that he would accept the chart to be what she said it was. It was well known - by Sirius at least - that Cinna had little experience in Astronomy.

"Very well then, you may go. But I expect a two-foot long scroll on MEMORY potions for class on Wednesday!" He had to shout after her, because Lily was already gone.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Her chest was heaving as she ran, fast as her long legs could carry her, across the (thankfully, empty) corridors of Hogwarts. Beads of sweat dripped into her hair, matting it down, but she hardly noticed. Her lungs burned as she raced up the stairs to the Astronomy tower, hoping desperately that she had run fast enough. Flinging the door to the small, round chamber that marked the highest point of Hogwarts, she felt that she might faint at any moment.

Her eyes widened in relief as she saw Remus sitting on the floor of the tower. He was feeding a nightingale some bits of what looked like week-old toast. "Remus... thought you... I was so... are you okay?" She gasped out the words.

He stared at her as though she had grown three heads, but a slight smile played across his lips. "In better shape than you, I would think. Aren't you supposed to be in Potions right now?"

"Yes," she wheezed. "But then... weren't there... and I thought... oh God... need to breathe..." She sat, panting, for a moment, attempting to catch her breath as she went on. Remus said nothing, just looked at her with a mixture of admiration and amusement.

Lily exhaled deeply and then continued, her words tumbling out in a pained rush. "Well, I was worried when you weren't in class, at first I thought maybe you were in the infirmary or something, so I asked James if you had been feeling well and he said he had no idea, so I left him to tend the potion and I went to ask Sirius if you were okay, and he said he hadn't seen you all morning, and that you were probably just playing a prank on James or something, and then I thought, oh no, I hope I haven't brought him down that much, and then something just clicked and I thought..."

He looked at her, almost annoyed. "And so naturally you thought I was about to fling myself from the turrets?"

"Well... sort of, yes." She looked at him, again biting her lip. "I know it sounds stupid, and I don't mean to flatter myself or anything, but after James said you hadn't been talking to him at all and Sirius told me you'd been taking all this really hard..." her voice trailed. off. "I just know sometimes you tend to get a bit down on yourself, is all."

He smiled at her. "Well, that's true, I suppose. But no, I just felt that I had to get away from Gryffindor Tower for a while... I came up here last night. Borrowed James's cloak actually. Don't suppose he noticed?"

Lily shook her head. "He seemed to be in a bit of a rush this morning, I guess Peter forgot to wake him up?"

Remus laughed. "Oh yes, that was my fault." She looked at him unbelievingly. "I put a Forgetfulness charm on Peter last night... come on, Lily, he stole my girl. You wouldn't begrudge me a little revenge, would you? I think that's pretty benign, as far as vengeance goes."

"Oh, well, I suppose." She flushed - a difficult feat considering that her cheeks were already flaming red from her sprint across the castle. And then she smiled. That sort of subtle trickery was just up Remus's alley. "But why'd you skip Potions? And breakfast, for that matter?"

"Well, the gods have a sense of humor," he said, wryly. "Cast a forgetfulness spell on Peter to make James late, then I oversleep and miss class myself." She laughed, flashing him another bright smile, and they sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes. "I'm glad you came looking for me, Lily." He gave her a gentle smile and put his hand over hers. And, although she knew it could only make things more complicated, she didn't move it away. Her heart beat a little faster.

"Me, too."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

She had made up her mind to talk to James as soon as possible. She played out several conversations in her head, carefully plotting out what she wanted to say, what he would answer, what she would say in return, what he might then reply. James, I've been thinking, and I'm not sure we're being fair to Remus. Yes. That was an acceptable way to start.

But Evvie, darling, whatever do you mean? He said he was fine with it

. That conjured up a picture, in her imagination, of James in a ridiculous evening jacket, puffing away at a pipe. No, he would never say that. What would he do? Hm. Probably smile, a bit confused, not quite realizing where the conversation is headed. She could just picture the look on his face. What do you mean? Ah yes. Short and sweet, just the thing he'd say.

Well

, - and now here came the harder part - I'm not sure if I've really made up my mind between the two of you. No, no and no, she couldn't say that, there was no chance he could take that in a positive way. I've just been thinking that now probably isn't the best time for us to be starting a relationship.

His face would crumble. Oh, I see. Yes, this would be hard. She didn't really want to do this, did she? You've got to, Lily, she told herself. You don't want to string two boys along. First off, it's not particularly like you, and second off, it's not a very nice thing to do. Damn it all. She certainly didn't want to lose James, he was a wonderful friend and, so far, had made a wonderful boyfriend as well. But deep down in her heart of hearts, she knew she still felt something for Remus, as well. The trouble with this was, of course, that she would probably spend so long trying to decide which of them she loved more that she would end up losing them both. If only there was some way around it, some way to put off the decision, some way to see Remus and James... but in the end she knew she would do the right thing. The angel on her right shoulder would overcome the devil on her left, it always did. Wasn't that what kept her life so boring?

Okay, that part should go well enough.. But now what

? At this point, she supposed she could prattle on about how there was so much schoolwork to be done, and how she hated to see herself coming between two such good friends, and how she wasn't sure that she wanted to start a relationship so close to the end of school, as there was the summer to think about, and did she really want to be tied down after Hogwarts graduation? She'd thought of becoming an Auror - the Dark Arts seemed to be experiencing a frightening growth with the fairly recent rise of Voldemort - and that was no career if you were thinking of starting a family, of living with loved ones. She sighed. She didn't want to annoy him with foolish babble, but it was either that, or an awkward silence before she excused herself to go to her dorm, or to the library, or something. Alright, then, inane chatter it is.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Sirius and James walked down the Hogwarts corridors to Arithmancy, one of the few classes that they did not share with their three friends. "Lily wanted to apologise to you for leaving Potions without telling you where she was going," Sirius said, in a tone of voice that James recognised. It was the one he used when he wanted to be sneaky about something, but James was in no mood. His engorgement potion had worked almost too well, and he'd had to wrestle a giant ladybug without the help of a partner. He'd gotten two points taken from Gryffindor for failing to have his wand out, ready to charm the giant insect into submission (practically canceling out the three points he had earned for having the most successful potion in the class). A stupid oversight, but still...

James glanced over at his friend. "Yes, she did leave rather suddenly. I heard her saying something about needing to see Professor Estrella, but I couldn't remember her having any extra credit assignments. I suppose you made that up for her?"

Sirius chuckled. "How'd you guess? But seriously, it was rather important that she leave, only Cinna would never have bought her excuse..."

James rolled his eyes. "Well, I know you're just dying to tell me where she went, so come on. Out with it, then."

"She went to go find Remus." No reaction. He was disappointed. "That doesn't upset you at all?"

"No, since I know you're just saying it to cause trouble."

Sirius looked at the sky, thoughtfully. "Yes, that's true. But she did go to find Remus."

"Well then, she must have had a good reason," James replied, getting a bit irritated with his friend. He loved Sirius like a brother, but it seemed that he could never be... well... serious.

"She did." Sirius nodded sagely, suddenly somber. "Actually, we thought that maybe he had plans to hurt himself."

James looked like he'd been hit in the stomach by a brand new Cleansweep Two. "Oh no. Do you think he's okay? Should we go look for him?"

"Well, I imagine Lily would have let us know if he wasn't okay. At this point, it might do more harm than good for you to go looking for them, anyway. I'm sure he's fine. Still and all..." he looked at his friend. "This thing, with you and her... it's causing a bit of a row. D'you reckon she's really worth it?"

James looked at him as though seeing him for the first time. Just when he thought he'd never be sincere... "I think so, yes. I mean, I love her."

Sirius looked at him sympathetically. "Aye, mate. But so does he."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

She met him out on the Quidditch pitch at dusk, just as the Gryffindors' practice was ending. She didn't want to spring this on him while he was exhausted, of course, but she figured she'd never get to talk to him privately tonight unless they made plans to meet somewhere later. He waved at her enthusiastically, then came swooshing over, hovering an inch away from her face. His practice robes were soaked with sweat, and his hair was - surprise, surprise - an unruly mess. But he gave her a devilish grin, his brown eyes twinkling, and her stomach suddenly seemed to have tied up in knots.

She steeled herself. "James." She said it more as a statement than a greeting. "I need to talk to you, later tonight... privately, if it's possible."

He looked at her as though he didn't know whether to be worried or pleased. "Okay," he said slowly. Then the mischievous look returned. "We probably better not meet in the Common Room, though."

"Well, obviously, if we want to keep the conversation just between you and me." She saw the look on his face and realised it was not that that he was talking about - the corner of his mouth was curled up just so, and his eyes just had that look about them. "James Potter, what did you do?"

"Well, we wanted to thank Ryan for the good job he's been doing so far as chaser..." Ryan MacAllister was the newest member of the Gryffindor Quidditch team, a third year. From what James had told Lily, he was insufferable at times, always acting as though he knew everything there was to know about Quidditch. "So, we gave him a bag of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans." He looked around furtively. "We've been collecting all the nasty flavored ones for a month now. I think the best one he'll find in there is toe jam... anyway, I want to be as far away from the common room as I can when he realises what we've done." Even as he said this, Lily thought that he would very much like to be around when Ryan bit into the first few and found them to be tripe, dandruff, mold, lint or rotten mango.

She made a face, trying not to burst out laughing. "That's horrible. Funny, but horrible. Has he really been that bad?"

James nodded madly. "Worse, if you can believe it."

She laughed, shaking her head. "How did you know what all of them were, even? Sometimes the colours are misleading..."

"Oh, that." He smiled brightly. "It's a bit tricky, but I found a way to bewitch the bag into telling you what you've pulled out."

She considered this for a moment. "Well, that's clever... good job you don't apply yourself as much to your schoolwork as you do your pranks, or I'd not have the best grades in the house." He looked at her with mock indigence, but it quickly faded back into his usual lopsided grin. "Speaking of, I've got to write a scroll on memory potions for Cinna by next class, so I'll probably be in the library most of the night, that's probably the best place to talk anyway. I'll be in the usual spot."

"Okay. I'll come by around eight? Nine?"

She nodded. "I'll be ready for a break by then, I think. In the meantime - you could probably do with a shower." She was halfway across the Quidditch pitch when he zoomed over and tapped her on the arm.

"One more thing, before you go..." She turned, but before she could say anything, he had leaned down and planted a soft kiss on her lips.

She looked up at him, slightly flustered. "Oh, right. I'll keep that in mind, then." He flew off and she continued her walk back to the halls of Hogwarts, laughing to herself as she watched him turning somersaults on his broomstick.