Secrets, Secrets

'Ari,

I'm sorry I haven't written before now. I can't tell you where I am,
in case this goes astray, but I want you to know I love you. I think
we may see each other again soon. Keep me in your heart; you're in
mine.

Love,
Rip'

Ari read the note through several times, hardly daring to breathe. Taylor loved her... and they somehow might see each other soon! Finally feeling as though she were getting her birthday presents, she made her way downstairs with a small, hopeful feeling inside of her. When she opened the door to the kitchen, she could hardly believe her eyes.

The room was completely unrecognizable. It had been meticulously scrubbed down, and new light fixtures held brightly burning magical candles. The table had been scrubbed, and was laden with all kinds of food, including some of Ari's favorites. The floor, usually cold to the touch no matter what the weather outside, had been scrubbed to shine, and covered with a really pretty carpeting that Ari recognized but couldn't quite place. On one wall, a huge scarlet and gold banner blared "HAPPY BIRTHDAY ARI AND HARRY!" and another nearby announced "CONGRATULATIONS RON AND HERMIONE, HEAD BOY & GIRL!"

"I thought we'd just have a nice little party, not a full sit-down meal, Ariana, and then we found out about Ron and Hermione, which made it even nicer. Just fill a plate, honey, you can sit if you need or want to," Mrs. Weasley told Ari, who nodded.

The teenager looked around, taking in who was in the kitchen at the moment. Mr. & Mrs. Weasley, Sirius, and Remus were joined by Kingsley Shacklebolt, Tonks, Mad-Eye Moody, and the two eldest Weasley brothers, Bill and Charlie. Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny were already eating, so Ari quickly filled a plate and joined them.

"Ari! So... happy really belated birthday!" Ginny said, smiling at the taller girl.

Ari smiled back. "Thanks. Anyway... when did you find out about Head Boy & Girl? I thought stuff like that usually came with the rest of the Hogwarts letters!"

"Oh, they do," Ron replied, "but this summer's been anything but normal, don't you agree?"

"Beyond a doubt," Ari replied with a smile. She had finished her food, and quietly made her way to put the dish in the sink, trying to catch snippets of conversation. Finally, she heard one with her own name in it.

"...Why Ariana hasn't been eating quite right? I've been looking at her plate during meals, she doesn't eat much," Tonks was saying.

"Abby never ate much at a time, either, but she was always eating," Sirius replied. "I know what you're talking about, though, it isn't like a teenager-- especially a girl as active as Ari-- to not eat much."

"She's been looking right peaky ever since she first got here, but I have yet to hear a peep of nightmare from her," Mrs. Weasley put in. "After what the poor girl has been through, she should be having nightmares, like Harry used to."

Sirius looked thoughtful, though Ari wasn't sure what he was thinking. She quickly turned away and pretended to be getting a glass of water. "She may have put a silencing charm on her room, I wouldn't put it past her to think she shouldn't wake everyone up."

Ari couldn't take any more. She dropped all pretenses and left the kitchen for her room as quickly as she dared, not knowing Tonks was on her heels. Tonks let Ari slam the door shut before removing the locking charms and slipping into the room.

Her cousin was in a full-fledged rage-- one that reminded Tonks forcefully of a rage she'd once seen Sirius in. Ari flung herself at Tonks, but the Auror quickly put her wand in Ari's face. The teenager fell back onto her bed, not able to look her cousin in the eyes as her head pounded with the sudden anger she'd felt.

"Ari, what was that about?"

"I heard you talking about me! I don't remember my dreams, so even if I have nightmares I wouldn't know, plus I talk in my sleep, my mom said I've done that since I could talk! I eat what I feel like, I haven't been feeling well, would you? And I- I--" she stopped and curled into a miserable ball, crying uncontrollably.

Tears stung Tonks' eyes. "You miss your mother, don't you? And a structured life... you miss normality?"

"Oh, I don't care about normal or structured, but YES, I miss my mom, more than I can ever tell you! She's the only one I remember, I only have a few fleeting memories of my dad, and none of anyone else."

Tonks brushed Ari's hair away from her face. "Did you eat something?"

"Just now? Yeah, I did. But I have to get up, I still have to unpack--"

"No, let me handle your stuff, okay? You sleep. Try not to cry anymore, you'll make yourself really sick, okay?" Tonks held a glass of water out, and Ari sat up and drank it quickly.

"Thank you, Tonks. For listening, for caring. For being--"

"A girl," Tonks laughed, "in a position to help."

Ari smiled through her tears, and set the glass on the nightstand. "'Night, Nym."

Tonks didn't bother to tell Ari not to call her that. In fact, it was kind of nice, coming from her, so the older girl just smiled at her cousin. "Sleep, I'll make excuses for you-- you were still exhausted, needed to just think." She waved her wand to darken the room, and removed the charms from the door. "'Night, Ari."

Ari slept, for the first time she could remember, very fitfully that night. First there were memories of Draco, and the whip, and the kidnapping... which changed to Taylor and her first time, the passion, the heat, the love... the panic of having to leave... her mother drifted in and out, rarely speaking, always smiling at her... then strange images surfaced, things Ari couldn't point to as real or made up. A white, blinding light... her dad, much younger, looking very stressed and tired... her mother, crying, with an red-haired girl Ari knew had to be Harry's mother, Lily... Remus, yelling... her dad fighting with Remus...

Then she woke in a cold sweat, panting hard, trying to remember where she was and what was happening. The sky was still black, which told Ari it was likely just before dawn. She took several deep, calming breaths, then heard her door creak open. "Are you okay, Ari?" Ginny asked, closing the door again. "I was going downstairs to get a drink of water, and I heard you kind of muttering."

"Could you tell what I was saying?" Ari asked, desperately trying to hold on to the last bits of the nightmare.

Ginny shook her head as the first streaks of light peeked over the horizon. "No, I couldn't, it was completely jumbled. But it sounded like you weren't sleeping well."

"I wasn't," Ari admitted, "and that's the first time I can deliberately point to and say, 'No, I didn't sleep well, and it all seemed to start with recent bad memories.'"

"Wow... well, I just wanted to check on you, you know... you should probably try to get at least a little more sleep, Mum said she's putting us all to work again before we leave for Hogwarts on September first." Ari laid back down and rolled onto her side as the last bits of memory washed from her grip. She felt a couple of tears slide down her cheeks, then closed her eyes and fell back asleep.

Mrs. Weasley did indeed keep them busy. They were cleaning, still (or, as the other four claimed, "waging war on") the old house, and Ari was so exhausted each night that she had no time or energy for nightmares. Unfortunately, she wanted beyond explanation to remember the old memories again, but it never happened that she dreamed about them... at least not that she could remember. It was with a rather heavy heart that Ari went to bed the night of August 31st, knowing she would be awake early the next morning.

The morning of September first was surprisingly smooth and easy. Mrs. Weasley, Tonks, Sirius, and Remus accompanied the group on the way to King's Cross. Sirius hugged his daughter last, gently admonishing her to "not cause more mayhem than could be managed." It was a grinning Ari that waved goodbye to their guard as the Hogwarts Express pulled away from the station.

"C'mon," Ginny said as Ron and Hermione disappeared to give the new prefects their instructions, "let's find a compartment so we can save them seats."

Luckily, they found a completely empty one, and stowed their luggage away in it. Ginny and Harry wasted no time telling Ari stories of their times at Hogwarts, in particular the many examples to back up the belief that the Defense Against the Dark Arts job was jinxed. By the time Ron and Hermione returned, Ari was as convinced of this as Harry was (though secretly) of a connection between himself and the dark-haired girl across from him. Finally, the group pulled on their robes, and the train began to slow to a stop in Hogsmeade. Ron and Hermione vanished again, and Harry, Ginny, and Ari were left to find a carriage together.

Harry had told her about the thestrals, describing them as best he could. Ginny had told Ari, however, that she wouldn't be able to see the horses unless she had seen death. She received a jolt to realize that she could see them, after all, and it scared her to know someone had died in front of her. The question was who... and when?

Through the entire Sorting, Ari was oddly quiet. She stared straight through each first-year being Sorted, and more than once missed a student being sorted into Gryffindor. Dumbledore stood at last, jolting Ari out of her reverie.

"I know that usually I would say that now is not the time for speeches, but unfortunately, it seems to be for the best that I make the speech now. Mr. Filch, our caretaker, has asked me as usual to remind you of banned items. This list includes any and all products from Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes, as announced last year; those interested in the full list of banned items may see the list outside Mr. Filch's office." Ari, Ginny, and Hermione exchanged smirks; no way would a stupid ban keep them from using the makeup!

"Secondly, all first years please take careful note that the forest on the school grounds is strictly forbidden... and several of our seventh years should know by now, too." Harry, Ron, and Hermione exchanged amused looks.

"Finally, we have more than one important staff change to announce, but first I will warn all of you of a new rule being set down. Any kind of inappropriate back-talking, rumor-starting, or jinxing of other students in the corridors or in classes will not be tolerated. Any rumors or bad-mouthing of the staff, other than the usual here at Hogwarts, will be met with a strict zero-tolerance policy." Here, he paused to look at each House, lingering particularly long on the Slytherins. "Now, for the actual changes. I am pleased to welcome back, largely due to parental concern for the students' education, a former Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher-- Professor Remus Lupin." Applause was absolutely raucous at the Gryffindor table, but was loud and friendly all over the hall-- except at the Slytherin table, as usual. "Professor McGonagall will no longer be teaching Transfiguration, and she will also not be Head of Gryffindor House anymore. She has expressed concern over tending more carefully to her duties as Deputy Headmistress. Therefore, a new Head of Gryffindor has been appointed, as well as taking over the Transfiguration classes." Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and Ari exchanged almost-panicked glances; WHO could shift McGonagall aside like this? "Sirius Black has agreed to take this position." The Gryffindors, nearly all of whom knew of the animosity between Snape & Sirius as well as the friendship between Remus & Sirius, broke into excited applause again.

Ari, however, was watching Snape. He was giving Sirius a look dirtier even than the one he had given Harry at the beginning of the speech; it was full of deepest loathing, hatred... was that jealousy? Maybe even fear? Then he turned the same glare on Ari, who very nearly fell off the bench backwards onto the floor. Someone caught her, however, and she couldn't even look them in the eye.

"I think I deserve thanks," teased a familiar voice. Ari looked up-- into Taylor's blue-green eyes.

"Taylor," she breathed, vaguely aware that Dumbledore had stopped talking and food had appeared. How she hadn't seen him before, she would never know, but that was hardly what mattered at the moment. With a smile that said, 'Tell me later,' Taylor turned and piled food onto his plate. Ari was aware now of her hunger, but more of the butterflies she had felt when she realized it was Taylor that caught her.

When Dumbledore dismissed them, Taylor followed Ari out into the hallway and up a set of stairs before grabbing her. He spun her around before placing a firm kiss on her lips, as if to re-claim her. "I missed you, I missed you, I missed you... did I tell you I missed you?" Taylor teased.

Ari yanked him down for one last kiss before turning and walking upstairs again. "Wait," she said, stopping suddenly, "how do you know your way around?"

"Does it matter?" Taylor replied, grabbing her hand. "Just say... it's a really long story. Now c'mon, I've got somewhere for us to sneak off to while we still can." His eyes shone with mischief, and Ari couldn't help but trust him. He led her up to the seventh floor, then told her to wait. He walked in front of a spot on the wall three times, clearly in deep thought-- then a door materialized out of nowhere. "Ready?" he asked, his hand in hers again. She nodded, and he pushed open the door.

Ari gasped as Taylor turned a key with a satisfying click. The enormous room was decorated luxuriously in scarlet and gold, and Ari became aware of Taylor standing behind her again. He kissed her neck, sending shivers up Ari's spine. A panicked feeling crept through her, and she gave a cry and pushed him away before sitting on the floor, knees drawn to her chest.

Taylor kneeled beside her. "Ari, what's wrong? It's just me, you know I'd never hurt you."

"It's not you," Ari said quietly, not looking at him. "It's... what happened to me over the summer."

"The kidnapping? Ari, what else happened? They said Malfoy was brought up on other charges but never what."

"Assault, battery... and rape. He raped me!" Ari cried, flinging herself at Taylor in a fit of rage. Taylor took her beating, knowing that with each sting he felt, she was releasing pent-up energy. She finally calmed, and let him hold her close while her body shook with sobs. He rubbed her back, rested his chin on the top of her head, and gently rocked her back and forth. At last she looked up at him. "I'm sorry, Tay."

"It's okay, Ari, at least you've let this out," Taylor replied, wiping away her tears and lifting her chin. Ignoring the tears and the panic in her eyes, he kissed her thoroughly-- enough to leave her breathless. "It's not your fault, okay? I still love you. I don't care. You're Ariana."

Ari sighed and pulled him in for another kiss, her panic fading as Taylor toyed with the ends of her hair. "Thank you for still caring, for NOT caring at the same time, for being here, for finding me, for being you." A fire she had missed spread to the very tips of her being as Taylor ran his fingers along her jaw and down her neck to her shoulders. She finally gave in and fell into the passion with the boy she thought she had lost.