Arglwydd, Dyma Fi

Arglwydd, Dyma Fi

Arglwydd, dyma fi

Ar dy alwad di

(Lord, here I am / At your calling)

I've done what you asked. Even Potter cannot save them now. It is beyond even the reach of the Boy Who Lived.

The Boy Who Loved. Maybe it wasn't his fault, Lord. Love is like that. I'm sure it was quite a shock, and I wonder how long it took for the denial to ebb away. I wonder when he accepted that he was in love with my son. Now it is gone. He is gone.

I loved them, Lord. You say love is a weakness, but my love gave me strength. It was Narcissa who drove me to greatness. Her approval drove my ambition and my lust for power. She is as loyal to you as you could possibly ask.

She was.

Lord, why? My Narcissa never did anything but support you. Draco's only failing could be his love for Potter. And perhaps that is a failing (only in your eyes). Lord, I loved him all the same. (He was my son. How could I not? He was my son.)

Arglwydd, dyma fi

Ar dy alwad di

(Lord, here I am / At your calling)

It's done. I killed them, Lord. My love, my son. They are dead at your orders. What else could you possibly ask me to do? Why were they punished, Lord? Draco's faith never wavered, even in Potter's arms he was loyal to you. Don't you see that this could have been a perfect way to spy?

Potter would have trusted him, fool that he is. He doesn't understand conflicting loyalties. He believes in trust and in honestly. You could have taken advantage of this. Surely we could have convinced Draco to spill secrets. (It might have been difficult; Draco's heart was beginning to rule his head, but I am convinced he would have done it in the end.)

Love and loyalty are not the same thing, Lord.

I strangled Narcissa. (Do you know how it feels to see someone you love writhe beneath your hands? Pain brings the same reaction as pleasure. To both of us. I could see the fear in her eyes. I will never forget that she died with fear of my written on her face. I will never forget.) I pushed Draco from the balcony. (His delicate body was all twisted and broken when I reached it. I ran down the stairs, blinded by my tears. His face was a mask of horror, disbelief and betrayal. I betrayed him. I betrayed his love.)

They are dead, Lord.

Arglwydd, dyma fi

Ar dy alwad di

(Lord, here I am / At your calling)

Why were they punished? You have forgiven before. A Crucio and a promise of loyalty. Why were my family singled out for this treatment? Why were they punished. They did not betray you. I betrayed them.

Was this a test of my loyalty? I loved them. My beautiful Narcissa. My baby boy.

It was a punishment for me, not for them. Wasn't it? My punishment: to kill them without magic. With my own bare hands. And then to live without them.

What have I done to deserve this? Lord, I have been loyal. (Did they hold too much of my heart? Did you fear my loyalties were divided? No other Death Eaters love their families. They only feel lust and long for improved social standing. That is not love. Do you know what love is, Lord? Have you ever felt its power thrumming through your veins? Have you ever smiled unconsciously just to look at someone? No. You don't smile.)

Was I too happy, Lord? (Because how could you bear to let me be happy? You are not happy. Even ruling the world I do not believe that you could be happy. How could something as simple as seeing your love reflected back in two pairs of eyes ever bring you happiness? It brought me happiness. And now it is gone.)

I have done as you asked. They are dead. Dead and gone, Lord. Dead and gone (but not forgotten. Never forgotten.)

Arglwydd, dyma fi

Ar dy alwad di

(Lord, here I am / At your calling)

Love and loyalty are not the same thing, Lord. (I am loyal, Lord. But I can never love you.) Even you cannot kill love.

Lord, even death cannot kill love.