Changes

What would you do if you had the chance to go back in time and change an event, no matter how large or small? Would you save a life? Would you change the past knowing the effect such an act may have on the future? Would you be able to succeed or would a person's fate remain unchanged? Would you even try?

<~|~>

The end of the year came far sooner than I would have anticipated. It was as if one day it was the end of January and the next it was the first of May and we were getting ready to take our N.E.W.T.s. In the months that flew, I realized why so many people loved my parents. They truly were amazing people. When Lily found out that Remus was a werewolf, she gave him a hug and told him that things would be different someday and he wouldn't have to hide. My father, upon learning what I was doing--he didn't hear who I was--swore to help in any way he possibly could.

But then Pettigrew began to grow more and more distant. He spent less time with the six of us--Severus, Lily, and I had all become unofficial Marauders--and more and more time with people I knew to be Death Eaters. Even Severus knew who these people sided with, after all, he was, in a way, still one of them. He fought it. I've never seen anyone fight so hard in my life, but he fought whatever it was that made him want to give in and join them. I was sure that Pettigrew's absence was a blessing.

Miraculously enough I passed my N.E.W.T.s with flying colors. Hermione would be proud. Two weeks later, I was accepted into the Auror Academy.

Severus pleaded with me to not go. He kept telling me that it would kill me, that in two years I would die in the attack. I kept shaking him off, insisting that I'd be fine and that nothing either one of us knows can be certain anymore. After all, we've changed too much.

But Severus turned out to be right, though he was about a year and a half too late. Voldemort attacked the Auror headquarters about a month after we had all graduated. We all signed up to join the Order the second Dumbledore had come to us with the truth that it existed. We all celebrated my 20^th birthday pretending that it was my 18^th. Lily and James married in August, Severus and I tied the knot in September. We all went on our first missions in October. Dumbledore interviewed Trelawney for the Divination position in December. Pettigrew had been the one sitting outside of the door and had been the one thrown out. I had finally proven myself to Dumbledore. He finally believed I was who I said I was.

That was when it struck me that I hadn't changed all that much. Things were still happening the way they had before.

I continued to believe that until Dumbledore held me after one of the Order meetings.

"The prophecy," he said softly. "You said that it was about a marked man defeating Voldemort, yes?" he asked. I nodded. "That is not the prophecy I heard," he said.

"It's not?" I asked.

Dumbledore shook his head. He pulled his pensive from the cabinet in his office. A figure of Trelawney appeared and she recited the prophecy.

"One from a time not yet to come...will journey to a time already passed.... The Marked Man will be sent to destroy...the evil that plagues this time and must do so...before he enters the world.... The Marked Man will lose...the most important...person to him...and will... find him...in the most unlikely of places...and gain him as an ally at a crucil moment.... The Marked Man must destory the evil before he enters this world...."

"It's still me," I said softly, "but it's different from the one she gave the first time."

"It could be that you have changed too much to allow the same future you lived to continue."

I nodded. "I already figured that out," I said softly. "Sirius, Remus, and James all look at Severus as a friend now, not as some slimy piece of goo. Not to mention that Severus said that Voldemort wouldn't attack the Auror Academy for another year or so."

"What does Severus know?"

I shrugged. "He has memories from the Severus I knew," I said. "Severus told me once that he never wanted to be a Death Eater and that if someone could have shown him that it was a bad idea, he wouldn't have listened, but he would have gotten out a lot sooner than he did."

"And what do you think this Severus will do?" Dumbledore asked me.

I sighed heavily. "I don't really know," I confessed. "He doesn't want to turn, but I know he's fighting with himself about it, but I also know that it's only a matter of time before something happens and he does. He's walking on thin ice, I see it everyday."

"Do you think this has anything to do with you being here?"

I nodded. "I think it has everything to do with my presence," I confessed. "If something should happen to me or to us, he'll turn, I know it."

"Then let us hope that you have nothing but good things happen," Dumbledore said softly, standing. I recognized it as my que to leave. He really doesn't change too much. He does become the foolish old man he swore he would never be, but not too much changes with him.

Though, of course, that's not saying that something won't.

When I got home that night, it was to find that Severus was not there. Worried, I looked for a note or something he may have left behind, but I found nothing. I paced the house, wondering where he could be, when he would be coming home, and why he didn't tell me he was going out. When he did finally return, at midnight, he looked weary and exhausted.

"What happened to you?" I asked, quickly rising from the sofa and going to him at the door. "Where've you been?"

He looked at me oddly, almost as though I had no right to ask those questions, but the look quickly changed. "Nothing happened," he said, rather unconvincingly. "I was out with Sirius at the Leaky Cauldron. He's going to ask Remus to marry him."

My eyebrows shot up and I wondered if this had happened the first time around as well.

"You look exhausted," I said, wrapping my arm around his shoulders and guiding him over to the sofa. I could scarcely fail to notice he was freezing. "Your ice," I said, sitting him down next to the fire. "Are you sure nothing happened?" I asked, growing more and more worried by the second. This wasn't normal for this Severus. This was normal for the Severus that had died in my arms. This was normal for the Severus that had become a Death Eater and had missions he would never tell me about.

"I'm fine, Harry," Severus said, almost angrily. I knew that if I didn't want a fight, I needed to back off, but I couldn't help but want to ask. I knew he was lying to me, and that was not a feeling I liked.

I sighed heavily and stood. "I'm going to bed," I said softly. "We'll talk in the morning."

He reached out and grabbed my arm as I walked in front of him. "Don't kill me," he said softly. I looked down at him curiously and he pulled me back down to the sofa. "I couldn't fight it anymore," he whispered. "I couldn't..." he rolled up his left sleeve and I knew my worst fear had been realized. I felt tears burn at my eyes as I stared at the ugly red mark. I wanted to hate him. I wanted to shout at him to get out and to never return. I wanted to hit him as hard as I could.

I had never felt more betrayed in my entire life, and that includes my third year when I thought Sirius was guilty and Remus had been helping him try to kill me.

I looked up at his onyx black eyes and I saw the pain in them. "Why?" I asked angrily. "Why do this? You promised me that you would help me, Severus," I nearly yelled, standing. "This isn't helping!"

"Harry I--"

"GET OUT!" I shouted. "And don't you ever come back, because I swear to God I will kill you."

He stood and locked his eyes with mine. "Harry, I love you," he said, his voice shaking. "That's why I told you. You know I've been fighting with this. The next time we meet, if you still wish it, I will let you kill me. I told you once before that the only way for me to die was with you, either by your side or by your wand."

He reached up and pulled me into one last kiss before he walked out the door. I fell apart as soon as the door shut and somehow, I knew he had just done the same. I never cried for anyone except Severus.

That was when the words of the prophecy came to me. The Marked Man will lose the most important person to him and will find him in the most unlikely of places and gain him as an ally at a crucil moment. Severus, how could you do this to us?

I ran from my grief after that. I went out in search of every Horcrux, not caring if it was actually a Horcrux now or not. I destroyed every item that Voldemort had charged to hold his soul and I did so hoping that it could possibly bring Severus back to me. I lived for the day I would find him again, the words of the prophecy haunting me as surely as he did.

I can't believe that Voldemort never noticed that his soul was slowly being destroyed. Maybe he's split it so many times that he no longer has one. He can't feel it any more. Perhaps that's why a Dementor's Kiss won't work.

We spent the next ten months trying to find him. He was as elusive as a shadow when there was a bright light that kept moving. He was there only long enough for us to find him and then he would disappear once again.

I was sent out to find him in late August when I met up with Severus again. He stood silently in front of me, his face cold and stony. I slowly walked up to him, my body aching to hold him again.

"Harry," he said softly.

"Severus," I replied.

"Do you still wish to kill me?" he asked.

"I would certainly like to," I answered, the anger building up inside of me. "But I'll never do it, no matter how mad at you I am."

"The Dark Lord's not here," he said. "I know you've been searching for him."

"And how do you know this?" I asked.

"We have our spies too," he answered. "Why else do you think you haven't found him yet?"

"Are you trying to help me or throw me off track?" I asked.

"Neither," he said softly. "You're the one who swore to kill me if you ever saw me again."

"Where's Voldemort?" I asked.

"Little Hangleton," Severus said. "In the Riddle House," he said. "He should be killing his father and grandparents at any moment.

I nodded and Disapparated.

I stared up at the Riddle House and quickly noticed that it was not the same house from my dream all those years ago. I mean, it was the same house, but the lawns were still green and neatly trimmed, the house had no broken windows and the ivy that climbed the side of the house was still green, not skeletal. I looked south, toward the graveyard and saw the setting sun. As I walked up to the door, Voldemort walked out.

"You," he hissed.

"You know me?" I asked.

"You're the boy from the future," he said.

My eyebrows rose. "And who told you this?" I asked. "Severus perhaps?"

"You cannot stop me," he said. "Not when I have taken all of the necessary steps to stay alive forever."

"If I'm from the future, don't you think that means I have a way around whatever you've done?" I asked.

"What's so remarkable about you?" Voldemort asked, taking a step towards me. I kept my eyes on him as he walked around me, taking in my appearance. "You're just a boy."

"I have something you do not," I said, turning my back on him to prove I wasn't afraid of him. I heard the curse coming my way and ducked out of the line of fire just in time. I turned and shot a curse his way before he had a chance to register that I had moved.

He dodged my curse and sent one flying my way. I dove out of the way and the ground exploded where I had been standing.

It continued to go that way. He would fire a curse at me and I would fire one back. Eventually the gardener, Frank Bryce (if I remember correctly) came walking out to see what was going on. Voldemort shot the Killing Curse his way and the man fell dead before he even had a chance to yell.

"Yet another victim of your cruelty," I said as I shot a curse at him. My curse grazed his shoulder, slicing deep. He hissed in pain and threw a curse my way. I wasn't fast enough that time, growing tired with having to dodge out of the way so often. It was the Cruciatus that hit me. I dropped to my knees, feeling as though every nerve ending had just caught fire. I could overcome Imperious, but there was no way to shake off the Cruciatus.

I felt another curse hit me on top of what Voldemort was already doing to me and it felt as though someone had just ripped open my insides, causing even more pain than before.

I distantly heard the sound of someone shouting a curse and Voldemort crying out in pain. The curse was lifted from me and I collapsed onto the ground, panting. I heard another curse shouted before someone was roughly pulling me to my feet. I looked up only to find that Severus had come to my aid.

"Let's finish this," he said softly. I nodded and turned to Voldemort, my wand pointed at his chest. I walked closer to him, with Severus' help, and pointed my wand directly at his heart. Or, at least, where his heart would be if I actually thought he had one.

"Avada Kedavra," I said, my voice rough from the torture session.

"Avada Kedavra," Severus said, his wand also pointed at the Dark Lord. I watched as Voldemort's eyes widened momentarily before they closed. I pointed my wand at the grass at my feet and muttered another spell. I bent down and picked up Godric Gryffindor's sword. I put the tip to Voldemort's throat before I shoved the blade through to the dirt and pulled it to the side, slicing his neck in half. Nearly Headless Nick? Try Nearly Headless Dark Lord.

I pulled the sword out of the ground and shoved it through his chest as well, just to make sure that nothing would be able to bring him back.

I turned the sword into a portkey and grabbed Voldemort's cloak. "Coming?" I asked Severus. He shook his head.

"If you don't come now, you'll be thrown into Azkaban," I informed him.

He sighed and touched the hilt of the sword just before the portkey was activated and we were all sucked through space to land unceremoniously in Dumbledore's office at Hogwarts.

Dumbledore stood from behind his desk and walked around, shocked at what I had brought to him. I tapped the sword with my wand to take off the portkey spell and handed it to him. He placed it on his desk and looked first at Voldemort's body, then at Severus.

"What have we here?" he asked.

"An ex Death Eater," Severus said softly.

Dumbledore turned to me. I nodded. "If it weren't for Severus, I wouldn't have survived," I confessed.

I began to feel lightheaded and shook my head to clear the fogginess that was beginning to set in. I saw Severus give me a worried look and shook my head. "I'm fine," I said.

"Well you don't look fine," he said. "You're pale," he informed me.

Dumbledore looked me over as well. "He's right, Harry," he said. "You should run down to Poppy."

I shook my head. "I'll be fine," I said hoarsely. "That duel took a lot out of me, that's all."

"Will you go down to the infirmary anyway?" Dumbledore asked. "And have Poppy come up here? Tell her I need her to help me with something."

I nodded and Severus and I walked out of the office, his hand in mine.

I looked up at him and he smirked. "You didn't kill me," he said softly.

"You saved my life," I said in reply. "And I still love you."

He chuckled and brought his other hand up to my face before he pulled me closer to him for a kiss.

His tongue brushed across my lower lip and I opened my mouth to him, the need far stronger than any sense of decency.

The sharp pain in my side caused me to pull away from him. I clutched my side as we neared the bottom of the stairs and nearly fell when another wave of pain hit me. Severus had his arm around me and guided me to the ground floor where another stab of pain did send me to the floor.

"I'm going to go get Pomfrey," Severus said, his voice scared and full of worry.

"No," I grunted as another wave of pain shot through me. "Don't leave me," I hissed, holding my side.

I could see that he was torn between leaving me here to save my life and staying with me to the end of it. Finally he decided that I was going to the hospital wing no matter what I said. He picked me up and carried me up to the third floor and burst into the hospital. Pomfrey looked up at us in shock as I cried out again and my whole body seized, causing Severus to nearly drop me. She snapped out orders and Severus complied.

Pomfrey ran a series of checks as Severus ran to get the headmaster. She looked up as they both came in and sighed heavily. "There's nothing I can do, Albus," she said softly. I saw Severus pale at her words. "He's dying."

Dumbledore closed his eyes and sighed heavily. I coughed and Severus was instantly at my side.

"How long does he have?" he asked, his voice cracking.

"A month at most," Pomfrey said softly. "That's only if we're lucky. I'd give him two weeks, no more than that."

"What happened to him?"

"He's slowly bleeding to death," she answered. "His internal organs are eating themselves from the inside out. He'll be in pain, that's the only thing I can ease, and the end..."

"I'm taking him home," Severus said, his voice rough and cracking. I saw the tears in his eyes fall and I knew I wanted to spend my last days with him. I knew, in that moment, that the only way for me to die was at his side as well. I reached up and cupped his cheek with my hand. "I don't care what you say."

"Severus, you don't understand," Dumbledore said, getting in the middle of this. "Madam Pomfrey can take care of him here."

"NO!" Severus nearly yelled. "I can take care of him to," he said. "I'm his husband, for Merlin's sake!" he nearly shouted. "I should be with him, not you!"

"Albus, he's right," Poppy said softly. "Harry should be at home, where he might just die with a smile on his face."

Dumbledore sighed and looked at me. "What do you want?" he asked.

"I want to go home," I said in no more than a whisper.

Severus took me back to our house that night. Pomfrey had loaded us down with potions and a list of spells to help me in any way possible. I lay down that night and Severus joined me, wrapping his arms tightly around me. I fell asleep that night, oblivious to the parties the wizards of the world were having in response to the news of Voldemort's death.

<~|~>

When I opened my eyes the next morning, I didn't expect what I had seen. Pomfrey had told us that Harry would have at least a week in him. She hadn't said that he could die as early as a few hours after I got him home.

I tried in vain to wake him up for what felt like an eternity. I couldn't accept that he was dead. I couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that he was this vulnerable and that I had lost so much time with him. He was cold as death and still I tried to wake him.

When I finally did realize that he had died, I broke completely. When I had left, all those months ago, I had fallen apart just outside the door and had heard him do the same inside. Nothing had been closer to causing my death than his anger, his near hatred at me for what I had done. I had nearly killed myself that night, but something had told me to continue on, that one day things would be different.

When I had gotten word of his mission to find and kill the Dark Lord, I knew I could help him. I went to him and I felt alive again for the first time in ages. I told him where the Dark Lord was, knowing that he would defeat the man I had grudgingly called Master. Not wanting to wait for the answer to find me, I went to them, needing to know who the victor would turn out to be.

When I saw Harry on all fours, I couldn't help but cast the first curse to pop into my head at the Dark Lord.

When I helped Harry kill him...I knew he would take me back. I knew he could forgive me and I wanted to make sure that he thought that was a good idea.

Now to have him dead?

I couldn't take it. This was too much. I broke down and I sobbed as I had never done before. I screamed, I coughed, I hit him, trying to start his un-beating heart. I was in shambles and then the door opened.

I didn't hear it open and I didn't realize anyone had entered the room until Dumbledore placed a hand on my shoulder.

I froze and looked up at him, still crying. "He's dead," I whispered before breaking down in sobs again.

Dumbledore nodded sadly. "They're rounding up the Death Eaters now," he said softly. "You cannot stay here. Come to the school," he offered. "Come teach others so that this madness ends here."

"But if they're looking for Death Eaters..."

"They will not touch you if you are under my protection," he swore. "And I know Harry would not want you to rot in Azkaban Prison."

I looked down at the beautiful face of my fallen lover and nodded.

"It's kind of ironic," Sirius said softly, after Harry's funeral had ended. "Harry said you bled to death in his arms and now he bled to death in yours..."

The irony had not been lost to me. "I know," I said softly.

"He was born just last night," Sirius informed me. "31 July, 1980, just like he said he would be. James and Lily named him Harry because Harry was the one that defeated Voldemort and saved their lives. They haven't quite realized that the baby's identical to Harry."

I stayed silent, not caring if he was going to continue speaking or not. His words were killing me, but I refused to let him see that. "How long do you think it will take?"

Sirius shrugged. "If we're lucky, never," he said softy. "So what happened to you?" he asked. "Why did you turn?"

"I lost the battle," I said softly. "And ended up winning the war."

"Do you think he'll come back?" Sirius asked. "Like Harry said he did?"

I shook my head. "Not a chance," I answered. "The Horcruxes were destroyed, even the Dark Lord knew that. He went to that house to create a new one--" I froze then looked at Sirius in horror. "He created another Horcrux," I whispered. I took off running all the way over to Dumbledore, who was still at the funeral site. "Headmaster," I said urgently.

He stopped talking and turned to me. "What is it?" he asked.

"The Dark Lord created one more Horcrux before Harry and I killed him," I said.

Dumbledore nodded. "It was on his person when you brought him to my office," he said. "It has been destroyed."

"Do you think there is any way for him to return?" I asked.

Dumbledore shook his head. "I do not."

That was reassuring. From the memories I had, which have mostly faded, I can remember that Dumbledore had always thought the Dark Lord would return. I sighed heavily then turned to return to my husband's grave. Harry Porter-Snape the headstone read. Defender of the Wizarding World and Savior to Us All

"Do you think he died because he was being born?" I asked the man walking up behind me.

"It's possible," Remus answered. "From what I know, the soul can't exist in two places at once."

"I'm teaching at Hogwarts," I informed him. "If that potion of Harry's really does exist, I'll brew it for you."

"Thank you," Remus said softly.

As the years went by, a sort of emptiness filled me. Everything became routine for me. At the start of the next school year, I took up the potions position and became the Head of Slytherin. I stayed in contact with the others only because I knew Harry would not like it if I completely turned away from every one and every thing we had known because I had lost him. So much had changed because of his victory over the Dark Lord. Harry grew up knowing both of his parents. Sirius and Remus married roughly three months after his death. Harry was already best friends with the Weasleys before he entered Hogwarts and when he met Draco the first time he wasn't nearly as guarded as he was in my memories.

When I saw him for the first time since he was a baby, he was entering the Great Hall for the Sorting Ceremony. He held his head high, he wasn't afraid of what he would have to do, he was proud to be a Gryffindor. I was proud of him.

Teaching him brought a sense of purpose back to my life. He was an entirely different person, yes, but I had been so to the Harry that had come back through time as well.

He came out in his seventh year, the year he became Head Boy, like his father. Sirius wrote me and told me about it, saying that maybe there could still be a Harry in my life. I chuckled when I'd read the letter. Sirius informed me that James had been outraged at first, shouting that they should never have named him after Harry or made Sirius his godfather, but then calmed down enough to say that he honestly didn't care. They threw a party for him, just before the start of his seventh year. They had all invited me.