Changes

What would you do if you had the chance to go back in time and change an event, no matter how large or small? Would you save a life? Would you change the past knowing the effect such an act may have on the future? Would you be able to succeed or would a person's fate remain unchanged? Would you even try?

<~|~>

I sucked in a deep breath. The pounding in my chest was painful and I was absolutely certain it was about to beat its way out of my ribcage. I held my breath as I looked around me, taking in the onlookers and Hermione, standing directly in front of me. Behind her were Professor McGonagall and the rest of the Order of the Phoenix, or what was left of it anyway.

"Alright," Hermione sighed nervously. "It's time."

My hands clenched at my side, crumpling the letter I held in one of them. So much would change in the next few seconds and I didn't know if I was more scared than excited or vice versa.

One thing was for sure--a prophecy would be fulfilled.

Hermione began the spell that would change my life.

My surroundings began to swirl around me until the colors blended and changed as I traveled. It was almost like Apparating or using a Time Turner. More like a combination of both, to tell the honest truth.

Suddenly the sun was shining, there wasn't a cloud in the sky, and the castle I was standing in front of was whole, standing, and full of students.

For a moment I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I thought the spell had gone wrong and I was dreaming or something, but then, as I reached out and touched the castle gates, I knew the spell had been a success. I had really arrived, and Hogwarts was just as I remembered it from my schooldays. No piles of rubble, no smoking towers, no shattered windows or broken walls...

Hogwarts was whole.

I sighed deeply and opened the gates, the letter still clutched in my hands. I couldn't let that go, no matter what, until I met up with Dumbledore. That was what ensured that I stayed alive in this world.

I headed directly for Dumbledore's office. After what had happened, I couldn't quite believe I would be seeing him again. It was as though I were traveling through this--I wanted to call it a dream--in a daze, detached and disbelieving, though expectant and waiting.

Dumbledore was leaving as I neared his office. I froze for a moment, shocked at seeing him so young and healthy.

"James," he said, sounding surprised. "Why aren't you in class?"

"I'm not James," I said. "And I really need to talk to you, sir," I said. "It's urgent."

"I'm afraid I have more pressing matters," Dumbledore sighed. "I'm in a terrible hurry."

"Sir, it's about the future," I said as he started to walk away. He froze momentarily before he turned back to me. "What did you say?" he asked.

"The phoenix flies," I said softly. "And burns for the last time."

Dumbledore's face fell and turned to an ash color. "You're from the future?" he asked me. I nodded. "And Voldemort is taking over?" I nodded again. "Come."

"Why are you here?" Dumbledore asked once we'd sat down in his office and he'd served tea. In the distance, the bell rang.

I sighed and told him everything I knew from the prophecy to Voldemort and the Horcruxes. I told him of his death at the hands of Severus Snape, and then the truth behind it.

"It was an Unbreakable Vow," I said softly. "Severus was told to protect Malfoy and complete the job if necessary. He told me that you had once told him that he would be forced to make a choice. You said that the choice would be between his life and yours and you told him to save himself because of what he still needed to do. He said he didn't understand what you'd meant until he'd been forced to make the choice. I didn't understand either, at first...."

"What brings you here?"

I sighed. "Another prophecy," I said. "A chance to defeat Voldemort before it becomes too late for me. As it sits, according to the first prophecy, I'm the only one who can defeat him. According to the second one, I have to do it before I'm born."

I set the letter down on his desk. "That's from Minerva," I said. "It's supposed to confirm everything I've just told you."

Dumbledore opened the letter and scanned its contents. "You were studying to become an Auror before the school was shut down?" he asked.

I nodded. "It seemed like the only job for me," I confessed.

"How old are you?"

"Nineteen, sir," I answered.

"The school shut down at the end of your sixth year?" I nodded again. "What are your plans whilst you're here?"

I shrugged. "Find Voldemort and kill him," I said.

"And where were you planning on staying?"

"I hadn't really worked that part out," I confessed. "We were pressed for time and couldn't work out the details."

"Do you realize that if you save your parents, you'll no longer be the child of the prophecy?"

I nodded. "But that's why I'm not just saving them," I said. "I'm going to take down Voldemort before it's too late. As long as I take him down before he gets my parents, I'm still marked. If I stop him, technically I am still marked, though the baby me won't be. But none of that really matters," I said, "because a wise man told me that it wasn't our qualities that defined us, it was our choices. Anyone can defeat Voldemort," I said, "as long as they know what to do. I've just got five very good reasons for being the one to do it."

"And those reasons are?"

"Lily, James, Sirius, Severus, and you," I answered matter-of-factly. "I've loved and lost and I don't want to go through that again."

Dumbledore sighed. "If you're going to have any hope, you'll need to be an Auror. In order to be an Auror, you need to complete your N.E.W.T. exams. In order to do that, you must be a student. Professor McGonagall has included your O.W.L. and other exam results. I will let you into Hogwarts as a student in your seventh year, however your appearance may cause a stir, as you do look remarkably like James Potter."

"So I've been told," I said dryly. I shrugged. "It may just run in the family."

Dumbledore chuckled, then became serious once again. "If I put you in Gryffindor looking like you do, the others will know that something is going on. Would you consider changing your appearance for the sake of your secret?"

I sighed. "Actually I would," I confessed. "I'll say I'm his cousin or something.

"What about your name?" Dumbledore asked. "Harry James Potter?"

"No middle name," I said. "And for the sake of secrecy, I'll change my last. Harry Porter."

"How long do you think you can hide the truth from four very curious teenagers?"

I smirked. "Don't worry," I said. "I know Sirius and Remus well enough to know how to hide things from them."

"What about Peter?"

An icy cold hatred filled the pit of my stomach. "I am not a man who would kill someone in cold blood," I said darkly, "but I would kill Peter Pettigrew in an instant if given the opportunity."

"Why?" Dumbledore asked, just as darkly.

"Because he's the man who sold my parents to Voldemort," I said. "But don't get me wrong, I wont do anything until he does it--again."

"You had better not," Dumbledore said. It was the first time the cold and deadliness in his voice had been directed at me and I was almost fearful.

"The times change you," I said softly. "The Dumbledore I knew called himself a blind fool. Don't drop your guard when Voldemort kills my parents. And when you're faced with telling an eleven year-old boy why a man such as Voldemort would be after him, don't hide the truth. Tell him. Don't let the Death Eaters do it for you."

I stood. "So," I asked, "am I still a student? Or do you not trust me any longer?"

"Trust?" Dumbledore asked. "I trust you, dear boy," he said. "And I will continue to do so until you prove to me that I cannot."

The bells rang again. "You'll know soon enough," I said.

"You'll receive your schedule tomorrow morning at breakfast," he said. "You've been Sorted into Gryffindor and in Gryffindor you shall stay. The password is Quidditch."

I nodded and left.

As it turned out, that last bell had been the lunch bell. I saw the students gathered as I passed the Great hall to make my way outside. I wanted nothing to do with any of them. I didn't want to see my parents, Sirius, Remus, my professors, and I really didn't want to see Severus. I sighed and pulled open the doors.

I didn't have a clue where my feet were taking me and I never would, seeing as I was jerked around before I'd arrived. I knew who it was before I saw his face.

"Who the hell are you?" Sirius asked.

"Name's Harry," I answered, pulling out of his grasp. I turned back around and continued on my way.

Sirius grabbed my arm again. "What are you doing here?" he demanded. "Why do you look like James?"

"Who?" I asked, feigning ignorance.

Sirius chuckled. "You're a Death Eater, aren't you?" he demanded harshly.

"I would rather die," I growled, "than join a man who believes in the pointless slaughter of all Muggle-born witches and wizards. Nothing on this earth could make me turn to him."

Sirius smirked. "That's what Bella said," he informed me. "But that was before she got branded."

I rolled up my left sleeve and showed Sirius the underside of my arm. "Happy?" I demanded. I realized in that moment that there had been more to Sirius and Bellatrix's relationship than the fact that they were cousins. "I've seen too much to make me turn," I said.

"How?" Sirius demanded.

"He killed my parents," I said. "He killed my entire family and everyone I have ever loved. No matter where I go, he finds me."

"Why would he be after someone like you?" Sirius asked.

"He's not," I said simply. "I'm after him."

"That what brought you here?"

I nodded. "Can I go now?" I asked. "Or am I still under interrogation?"

"One more question," Sirius said with a smirk. "What House are you in?"

I gave him one of my own smirks. "What makes you think I'm a student?" I asked.

He shrugged. "Just a hunch."

I chuckled. "Gryffindor," I said.

"Ahh," he said in a way that led me to believe that he knew a hell of a lot more than he'd ever let on. "Come on," he said. "I'm going to introduce you to the rest of the Marauders."

I met my dad for the first time that day.

<~|~>

"We can't go this month," James was saying. I stood outside of the dormitory, listening. "Now that Harry's here, it's too risky. He'll know something's going on, he's just like us."

Sirius let out a sound of frustration. "We have to go," he said. "It's our fourth anniversary, not just for Remus and I but for going out with him. With everything that's happened, he needs us there this month." I gasped, not knowing anything like this had ever happened between my godfather and his best friend. "I'm going," he said with a note of finality in his voice. "With or without either of you."

James sighed. "Harry open the bloody door already," he said. "I know you're out there."

Before I could open the door, James had.

I chuckled nervously. "Hi," I said.

"How long were you standing out there?" Sirius demanded as James pulled me into the dorm and shut the door.

I shrugged. "A little while," I answered.

"If you say one word," Sirius threatened, "about anything you heard, I will bloody well kill you."

I glared at him. "If I wanted to say anything about Remus being a werewolf, I'd have done so when I arrived," I spat.

"How did you know?" Remus asked.

I sighed. "Lunar calendar was a blatant clue," I began. "You've got grey in your hair, you smell the air in a room as you enter it just to make sure it's safe, and all week you've been sleeping curled up at the foot of your bed--like a wolf."

"How'd you know all that stuff?" Sirius demanded. "I'm his boyfriend and I didn't know!"

"Friend of mine back home's a werewolf," I said. "He taught me what to look for."

"So you won't say anything if we all disappeared, would you?"

"Why would you go running with a werewolf?" I asked, pretending I didn't know what was going on. "You'll either be killed or turned."

"Only if you're human," Sirius said.

"You are," I answered.

"Actually, we're Animagi," Peter said. "Even if we got hurt--"

"I know," I snapped.

"What's your problem with Peter?" Sirius demanded, like any protective big brother would. "What's he done to you?"

"I know a rat when I see one," I spat.

"Pete wouldn't hurt a fly," James said. "You're wrong about him."

I sighed. "You'll see," I said. "Soon enough." With that, I turned on my heel and left the dormitory. I was nearly to the portrait hole when my mother called out "James?"

"Harry!" I snapped, storming out.

As I was walking, I ran into Severus.

"Potter," he said simply.

"Wrong," I answered. "The name's Porter."

It was so hard to just stand there as though I didn't know him. Everything inside of me was screaming at me to wrap my arms around him and kiss him, but I couldn't. My Severus had died three weeks prior to my trip through time. This was the first time I had seen him in over a month and I wanted nothing more than to hold him again.

"Are you just as evil?" he asked.

I shook my head. I could feel tears burning at my eyes and I knew I had too get the hell out of there if I wanted to keep my presence and purpose a secret. "Never," I said, my voice rough with emotion. The desire to reach out and hold him was unbearable.

"Why do I feel like I know you?" he asked.

"Because you do," I said thickly. I couldn't help myself any longer. I knew I shouldn't be saying this, but this was my soul mate, for Merlin's sake! I couldn't keep the truth from him.

"From where?" he asked.

I shook my head. "Not where," I said. "When."

"When?" he repeated. "What the bloody hell does that mean?"

I wanted to tell him. I wanted the world to know. I wanted to be with him again.

I wanted it so badly that I was shaking.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, moving to walk away.

He reached out and grabbed my wrist and my breath hitched in my throat. I froze and he pulled me closer to him. I was so close I could feel his breath on my face and I was close to being thrown overboard.

"I have a plan," he said softly. "When I die, my memories will be sent to my younger self on my eighteenth birthday. That was three weeks ago," he said. "The day you showed up. What I don't understand is why--and how--you're here."

"Why what?" I asked. "Why I'm here or why I'm exactly as you remember?"

"Both."

"I came back through time to defeat Voldemort," I said in no more than a whisper. Even though the corridor was entirely empty, I didn't want to risk saying the words any louder. "You being here is...Merlin, it's the only reason I agreed."

"But how are you a student?" he asked. "You're nearly twenty."

I chuckled. "I've still got until next summer before I'm twenty," I said. "It's only November. Dumbledore's letting me study so that I can pass my N.E.W.T.s and become an Auror."

"You do that and you've lost," Severus whispered harshly.

"If I don't, I'm in Azkaban!" I hissed. "I can't risk that."

Severus sighed. "I don't really know what's going on," he said softly, "or why you mean so bloody much to me, but what I know is going to change my life. I swear to you, I will not become a Death Eater."

I laughed and wrapped my arms around him. "Thank Merlin," I whispered.

"I'm going to help you," he swore, wrapping his arms around my waist. "I'll be there every step of the way like I wasn't before."

"That means James, Sirius, and Remus, you know that, don't you?"

He nodded. "I know," he said softly.

I couldn't believe how good it felt to have him back in my arms. I couldn't believe that he was back in my arms. When he died...

I shoved those thoughts away. That was the past now. Well, technically it was the future.

I wanted to kiss him, but I held myself back. I didn't really know what this Severus was like and if I made any move he wasn't willing to accept, I knew I could lose him forever.

"This is...rather revolting."

I whipped around to see Sirius leaning against the wall, my father's invisibility cloak in his hands.

"How much did you hear?" I demanded by way of greeting.

"Not much," Sirius said with a shrug. "Enough to find out what you're doing here and that that Snivellus has given up his Death Eater ways."

"You know why I'm here?" I asked.

He nodded. "I believe your exact words were: I came back through time to defeat Voldemort. I knew something wasn't right about you the moment I saw you," Sirius said. "Remus knows it too, he can smell it. I wondered why you had James written all over you and now I know. You're his son. And you are betraying him by being with that slimeball."

"No," I said strongly. "I'm making up for every bloody thing you and my father put him through," I said, standing protectively in front of Severus. "I'm not betraying my father because this has nothing to do with him. It's my bloody choice and I'll make it."

"What did James think anyway?" Sirius asked.

"James died when I was a year old," I spat. "Thanks to Pettigrew."

"Pete?" Sirius asked doubtfully. "What are you on about?"

"Pettigrew sold my parents to Voldemort because he became their Secret Keeper and had the ability."

"If what you say is true, you've got a flaw in the story. If James needed a Secret Keeper, he'd pick me. I'm his brother. Besides, Pete wouldn't hurt a fly."

"He did pick you," I answered. "But you told him to switch because Dumbledore tipped you off to the fact that someone was a spy. You all thought it was Remus because of his lycanthropy, so you chose Pettigrew, thinking nothing could go wrong there. After all, Pete wouldn't hurt a fly."

"He wouldn't!" Sirius insisted.

"Then why is he a Death Eater?" Severus asked from behind me.

"He's not!"

"He is," I said strongly.

"Bella took him," Severus said.

"And she didn't take you?" Sirius growled.

"I chose not to go," he said. "It was the day I turned 18. They all think I'm a coward now. I choose my eighteenth birthday because I wanted to know what it was like to be a Death Eater before I made the choice to do so. I'm surprised to know that Pettigrew is still alive in twenty years after seeing what it was like."

Sirius sighed heavily. "So you're one of the good guys then?" Sirius asked. Severus nodded and Sirius sighed again. "Well, if we're going to be on the same side," he held out his hand for Severus to shake, "I'm sorry. For everything I have ever done to you."

Severus sighed. Reluctantly, he reached out and accepted Sirius' hand. "Apology accepted," he said.

I started to laugh. I kept laughing until I realized they were both looking at me in shock. I cleared my throat. "Sorry," I said. "You two don't realize who many times we tried to get you to do this. If I knew it would be this easy, I'd have come back years ago--my time, not yours."

"In your time, it was too late," Severus said softly. "We'd hated each other for too long to put that aside."

I nodded. "I know," I said softly.

Sirius chuckled and shook his head. "Both of you get out of here," he said, pulling the cloak back on. I reached for Severus' hand and led him to his favorite place in the world.

There's a small river that flows out from the lake. It goes into the Forbidden Forest and there's a tiny clearing with a large boulder on the bank of the river. I had come here soon after visiting Goldric's Hollow and Severus had found me. This was where our life had begun.

"How do you know about this place?" Severus asked.

"Lucky accident," I said, hoping Severus' next words would be what my Severus had always said when I said that.

"There are no accidents," he said. I felt tears burn at my eyes. He really was the same person.

Severus looked around confused. "We started dating here," he said softly.

I nodded, the memory painful. This wasn't just where we started dating. This had so many memories attached to it and I was beginning to wonder why I had come here.

I felt tears burn at my eyes and I closed them, not wanting to see this place or that man.

"How did I die?" Severus asked.

"Don't ask me that," I pleaded, tears falling. "Please don't ever ask me that." It hurt far too much.

"Harry, please," Severus said. "I need to know."

I let out a sob and sat down on the boulder. "Don't you get it?" I demanded. "You died only a month ago for me! I was holding you in my arms as you bled to death! There was nothing I could do no matter how hard I tried and you told me to stop, to let you go. You killed me that night and you're the only thing I have thought about for the last month. I can't live without you, Severus, and I don't know if I'll ever have you again."

Severus walked over to me and kissed me. I don't know what killed me more in that instant. The fact that I was kissing him, or that in a way I felt like I was betraying him. After all, these two people were walking different paths now. They were different people. I didn't know what to do. I was torn between my grief and my elation. I felt like I was being pulled in a thousand different directions and each one led to him.

Severus pulled away slightly. "You have me," he said softly.

I let out another sob, not knowing if it was from pain or relief. I wrapped my arms around him and he held me close.

That night I dreamed about him, about the night that we started dating. That was the night that I gave Severus my virginity. We were at the stream; we'd been talking for hours. I had been surprised at how easy he was to talk to. It seemed we could talk about anything, except for the reason we were avoiding each other and yet made a point to see each other at least once a day.

Finally, Severus asked if I was single. I nodded, feeling my stomach tie up in a thousand knots. The one question started everything.