Damnus Animus

It was official now. Wormtail was at Hogwarts. Now all he had to do was prove it. All he had to do was catch that rat.

He stared up at the Gryffindor tower, wondering where Harry was and what he was doing. Was the boy all right? Did he have friends? Were they as good to him as James was? What were his grades like? How well did he fly on a broom?

He had to see Harry. And he had to kill Wormtail. Perhaps he could hit two birds with one stone....

A hiss from somewhere outside of his line of sight brought his attention away from the lighted tower windows.

An orange cat with a smashed face stood with it's back arched and its hair on end. Apparently it did not like Sirius. Maybe it was because he wasn't in his true form, but that of a disguise.

Sirius yawned and walked away, not realizing at the time how useful that cat could be.

*****

Severus could not sleep thanks to that damned convict. How dare he--how dare he invade Hogwarts like this. Yet, Severus could not bring himself to tell Dumbledore that the convict was running around Hogsmeade and getting drunk at the local pub.

Except that Sirius wasn't getting drunk, he was waiting for him to show up. Why couldn't he have sent that damned letter to the werewolf or something? Why did it have to be Severus who'd won the man's affections? Why? Damn it, WHY???

'Why?' was a useless question to ask, however, and Severus could find no answer even if he wanted to. The mind of Sirius Black was indeed as mysterious and impregnable as they come. How he'd even managed to get the emotion out of him, the passion...Severus wondered if it was all just an act. More than likely, he reasoned, choosing not to believe anything anymore.

Still, the memories haunted him as the Dementors patrolled the castle; months after he and Sirius had been face-to-face once again. Severus thought about it every day. It was the one thought he couldn't get out of his head. The one thought that kept him awake at night. Had Sirius really been telling the truth? Was Lily and James' betrayer sleeping right in this very castle, in the same room as Harry Potter himself?

No, that didn't seem likely. If Wormtail truly was the betrayer, and he was after Potter, wouldn't he have attacked by now? After all, the rat had been around for two years already, why hadn't it chosen to attack then?

But still, Sirius' story made sense. The Dark Lord had specifically ordered Wormtail to become the Potter's Keeper, no matter what it meant. If he couldn't do it, Lord Voldemort wanted nothing to do with the dirty sewer rat. Severus had to agree; Wormtail was as disgusting as they came.

It was the full moon--again. Severus hated concocting the Wolfsbane Potion, as it was the only thing that allowed Lupin to stay at Hogwarts. It was no wonder Severus didn't want to brew it. However, his job was at stake, and he needed that more than he needed to be rid of the werewolf, no matter what memories the man surfaced.

Potter was in the monster's office when he went to deliver it.

"Ah, Severus," the werewolf greeted, smiling. "Thanks very much. Could you leave it here on the desk for me?

"I was just showing Harry my grindylow," Lupin continued as though Severus cared. He already loathed being there; he didn't need a play-by-play of Lupin's between-classes life.

"Fascinating," Severus replied, not caring in the least bit. All he wanted was to get out of there and be rid of the werewolf and his company for as long as possible. "You should drink that directly, Lupin," he ordered, making sure the creature understood the importance of the potion.

"Yes, yes, I will."

"I made an entire cauldronfull," Severus informed him. "If you need more."

"I should probably take some again tomorrow. Thanks very much, Severus."

"Not at all," the potions master replied hating how the werewolf felt he had the right to call him by his first name. How dare he? How could he even presume to achieve such intimacy with him? After what he did...how could he even look him in the eye without flinching? Merlin, werewolves were the stupidest creatures imaginable.

*****

Sirius crept into the castle that night, intent on getting Wormtail once and for all. He would be a free man, once he proved his innocence.

When he reached the tower, he saw the Fat Lady asleep in her portrait.

"Wake up and let me in," he ordered.

"What's the password?" she asked groggily.

"I don't know the bloody password, you stupid painting, now let me in!" he hissed. It was urgent that he get into that tower, Harry could be dying this very instant! (Assuming he wasn't at the feast, of course.)

"Don't take that tone of voice with me, sir," she replied, becoming a little less groggy. "I'll let you in when you tell me the password. Until then, don't come back. I'll not let you in."

"You will let me in, or I'll destroy you!"

"Then you'll just have to destroy me. Either way, you won't be getting in."

"DAMN YOU!" he yelled slicing the portrait with the knife intended to kill Peter.

She screamed and Sirius kept cutting her up. There was nothing to stop his rage now. He'd kept it bottled up for so long, though a little voice in the back of his mind yelled at him for committing such a heinous act of vandalism.

Perhaps it was that voice that called his attention to the feast down stairs and the number of students that could be leaving soon to come back to their dormitories. Sirius, finally brought back to his senses by the realization, quickly ran off, changing as soon as he was sure the Fat Lady couldn't see him.

*****

Sirius had been here....

He had gone as far as terrorizing a Gryffindor guardian inside the walls of Hogwarts. How did he even get in? How did he get passed the Dementors? What kind of sick and twisted person had Severus fallen in love with?

He searched the third floor himself, intent of finding Black and being the one to turn him in for the good of the wizarding world. And himself if truth be told.

He was nowhere to be found. Why on earth would he have come here and attacked the Fat Lady? Did he really want Harry dead? Or did he believe his own unbelievable story so profoundly that reason and truth didn't even exist to him any longer? What kind of world were they living in?

"Headmaster?" asked Severus as he neared the great professor. "The whole of the third floor has been searched. He's not there. And Filch has done the dungeons; nothing there either."

"What about the Astronomy tower? Professor Trelawney's room? The Owlery?"

"All searched..."

"Very well, Severus. I didn't really expect Black to linger."

"Have you any theory as to how he got in, Professor?" asked Severus, hoping that an answer could be found to all of his questions, not just the schools'.

"Many, Severus," answered the old weary man, "each of them as unlikely as the next."

"You remember the conversation we had, Headmaster, just before--ah--the start of the term?"

"I do, Severus," answered Albus, not at all pleased with where this conversation was heading.

"It seems--almost impossible--that Black could have entered the school without inside help. I did express my concerns when you appointed--"

"I do not believe a single person inside this castle would have helped Black enter it. I must go down to the Dementors, I said I would inform them when our search was complete."

Severus neither heard nor paid any attention to Weasley's comment. Why couldn't Dumbledore believe him? He knew this would happen! He warned Dumbledore about this before Lupin arrived. He knew the damned creature would try to find some way of helping the Animagus enter the castle. There was no room for debate either, as far as Severus was concerned. He was sure the werewolf should be put in Azkaban for the rest of his miserable life for what he did to Severus. There was no excuse for anything such as that.

Still, he was an employee of Hogwarts, making him Severus' co-worker and by definition, partner. Severus would never betray a partner, nor would he do anything to earn him Dumbledore's wrath, but he never trusted a werewolf. He'd had no reason to, especially when that werewolf's name was Remus John Lupin. There was no way Severus would trust a monster such as that. And by not trusting him, he was no partner of Severus'. And if he wasn't a partner, he wasn't a co-worker, and if he wasn't a co-worker, he was no employee in Severus' mind. He was a slave, just like all of the house elves.

*****

Sirius paced, looking up at the castle. So far, no one had been out to search the grounds, at least not yet. He knew they'd send someone out eventually. Less than two hours after he'd left, a figure unmistakable, even after all this time, walked out through the castle doors.

However, the old headmaster did not look as though he were searching for someone, rather that he was on a mission, or was traveling with purpose. Sirius watched as he walked up to the Dementors, seemingly unaffected by their presence.

The hooded creature nodded once and turned to the gathered Azkaban guards.

They swept the grounds, searching for him.

A hiss distracted Sirius from his spectacle. He turned to see that same orange cat with the smashed face.

Sirius padded over to the cat to introduce himself. He let the cat smell him, the cat hissed again. Sirius decided he was safe as long as the Dementors stayed away, so he showed the cat his true form. That of the man, the shadow of what he used to be....

Sirius decided that he had to see Harry play Quidditch. After all, he may get caught and if that happened to him, he'd never be able to see his godson fly.

He may never be able to save his life.

He could not let James down like that.

He could not get caught.

He climbed to the top of the stands as a dog and sat there with one of those cheesy dog grins on his face, eagerly anticipating the start of the game, rain or no rain.

However, as he waited, the rain worsened, and by the time the team got there, Sirius was soaked to the bone, and probably looked half the size he normally appeared.

The game was dangerous. More than once, Sirius watched in horror as Harry was nearly unseated by Bludgers. He nearly hit other players, and looked unsteady on his broom. Sirius knew that any average flyer would have been either long dead, or long inside for fear of being the former.

Then the Dementors showed up.

Harry was fifty feet in the air when he fell. Sirius watched in horror as Dumbledore slowed his fall and got rid of the Dementors with a powerful Patronus charm. Sirius was grateful that he was in his Animagus form, for he was sure that if he were not, his position would surly be discovered.

"What are you doing here, Black?"

Sirius jumped and looked behind him. Severus was standing there, his arms crossed in front of him, a look of hatred on his face.

Sirius stared in shock. How did Severus know it was he? How did he even know where to look?

"Don't look at me with that pathetic look on your face, you filthy murderer. I asked you a question I expect an answer."

Sirius changed back into the shadow of whom he used to be and answered. "I had to see him fly," he answered in a rough voice.

"Do you hold nothing in regards to your safety?" the potion master demanded. "The Dementors are here in abundance and if you are discovered it will cost you your soul. Are you willing to pay that price?"

"Why so worried?" Sirius asked. "I thought you didn't care about me."

"You are a fool...."

Sirius stood and walked closer to Sev. Every fiber of his being screamed at him to take a hold of the black haired man in front of him and snog him senseless, yet he held himself back--even if it was only a momentary hold of the control.

Losing the grip on the control, Sirius grabbed Severus by the waist and drew him in for a kiss--a very long kiss that he noticed Severus could not stop himself from indulging in.

"I love you, Severus Snape," Sirius whispered against the man's ear. "You and your big nose."

With tears in his eyes, Sirius left the man stunned as he transformed and ran to the forest.

*****

Severus cursed and screamed into the thunder. He dropped to his knees, loosing his resolve, and wept like a tiny child. Why did all of this keep happening? Why couldn't Sirius just stay away? Why did the man insist on making his life a living hell?

He could still taste the convict on his lips and cursed the memories it brought. Sirius may have changed in many ways, but when it came right down to it, he was still the same charming man. And Severus could no longer deny the fact that he still loved him. That he always would love him.

It was then that he hoped that Sirius was telling the truth about his innocence. After all, if Sirius was telling the truth, there was hope for him. There was hope that Sirius wasn't a raging homicidal lunatic. There was hope that he could be cleared of his conviction and that he would be forgiven. There was hope.... For the first tine ever, there was hope.

But if Sirius was innocent, what did that mean for Wormtail? If Sirius was innocent, that meant that Wormtail really was the betrayer. That meant that the one who had been responsible for killing the Potters was sleeping in the Gryffindor tower. Did that mean that he really was after Potter though? If it truly was Wormtail that had been the Potters' Secret Keeper, did that mean that he was after the last surviving Potter? Did that mean that Wormtail believed that killing Potter would bring the Dark Lord back?

*****

Sirius paced in the bedroom of the Shrieking Shack. Back and fourth he walked, unable to tear his mind away from his most recent encounter with Severus. He couldn't believe that the man had kissed him back. He couldn't believe that after all this time and the fact that Severus still believed Sirius to be a homicidal maniac that he could still respond like that. When Sirius had kissed him, he hadn't expected anything in return, except perhaps a rather painful punch or something along those lines.

A hiss and a growl brought Sirius back to the pitiful shack he was currently residing in.

That cat had followed him through the passageway