1,000 Days

Chapter 9

Hermione

Hermione hurried to the headmistress' office and knocked three times. She bounced on the balls of her feet waiting for McGonagall to give her the OK to come in. When it finally did come, she quickly opened the heavy oak door and rushed inside.

"Hermione," McGonagall said warmly. Hermione nodded to her and then acknowledged Dumbledore's presence in the room. "What can we do for you?" the headmistress asked upon seeing Hermione's edgy state.

"May I bring my son here?" she asked. "Not just for a visit, but to live here, with me."

McGonagall looked over at Dumbledore sadly, then returned her gaze to Hermione. "I'm afraid I cannot allow that, Professor. Ayden will be eleven within the next few years and it is vital that he not know more than he already does."

"Headmistress, please!" Hermione begged. "I know I've been here nine years and haven't asked for this since he was born, but if I can't bring him here, we may loose Harry."

"What?" the ex-headmaster asked, sitting up straighter in his chair. "Please, explain."

"It has come to my attention that Harry has already tried to commit suicide once and though he has promised not to do that again, he may leave the school to be with Ayden. He has expressed his feelings of wanting to be involved with his son's life, now that he knows, but feels that being a teacher here inhibits this. If we cannot bring Ayden here, Harry may not be back to teach after the year is done."

"And you feel that Ayden is his only reason for not wishing to return?"

Hermione shook her head. "No," she answered. "I believe it has a great deal to do with Draco Malfoy."

"Draco Malfoy?" McGonagall asked. "How so?"

"Whether Draco lives, dies, or leaves, this place holds too many memories of him for Harry to be here without dwelling upon those memories. Their past, I've learned, is far too complicated for the both of them now."

"You know then?" Dumbledore asked. "He's told you?"

Hermione nodded. "He has, sir."

McGonagall and Dumbledore exchanged glances. Finally, McGonagall sighed. "Alright," she said. "Ayden can stay in the castle for one year only. After that, he'll have to wait until his first year at the school before he can stay for more than a weekend."

Hermione's face lit up. She'd finally have her son!

"But how, may I ask, do you plan to keep him out of trouble while you are teaching?"

The joy seeped out of Hermione like water going down the drain. She hadn't thought about that.

McGonagall smiled sadly. "When you have the answer, you may bring your son.

Hermione went of in search of Harry after leaving the great professors behind. She sadly walked up the stairs and down the corridor to Harry's office and walked in. He was sitting at his desk, grading papers and didn't look up until she'd sat down.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"They won't let me bring him here until I can find a way to keep tabs on him while we're teaching."

"What do you mean?" Harry asked.

"I went to ask McGonagall if I could bring Ayden here for more than just a weekend visit. She said it was alright, for this year only, but I had to find a way to keep tabs on him while we're teaching.

"Is this because I said I wasn't coming back next year?" Harry asked.

Hermione sighed. "Partly," she confessed.

"Ayden's not my reason for saying that, love," Harry confessed. "He's just another part of the pro side of resigning after the year is done."

"Harry, you can't leave me again," Hermione said looking up at Harry near tears. "You can't leave me."

After all, the first time Harry left her, it had been nine years before she saw him again.

"You forget, Hermione," Harry said, "it was you that left me."

Hermione was about to snap at him for saying that, but then she realized he was right. He didn't leave her; she had left him. She left him when Hogwarts came to call. She left him in the dark about Ayden. She left him out of her life for nine years, not the other way around. She was the one who'd refused Harry's owls, his messages from Ron, and every other attempt on his part to keep communication alive. All because she had a secret she was afraid he would discover.

"I'm sorry," she whispered before turning away and fighting the urge to run from him.

She was almost to the door before Harry stopped her.

He grabbed her by the wrist and turned her around, his mouth landing squarely on hers. Eagerly, she welcomed his kiss and wrapped her arms around his neck.

Regretfully, Harry pulled away from her. "I never have and never will leave you," he said in a husky voice. "Don't you dare forget that."

"But you have tried."

"That's over and done with. I have things to keep me here now."

"Here at Hogwarts?" she asked hopefully.

Harry chuckled and shook his head. "Not at Hogwarts, no."

As Hermione lay in bed that night, drifting off to sleep, a thought crossed her mind. Hagrid and Olimpe lived in the hut on the grounds, couldn't she live out on the grounds with Ayden? That way, he wouldn't be getting himself into trouble, there would be room for him, and she could always be with him.

Then, Harry would have no reason to leave....

Hermione talked to her friends about it.

"You mean that McGonagall actually said he could stay here?" Ginny asked in shock.

"As long as I figure out how to keep tabs on him while Harry and I are teaching."

"Have you talked to him about this?" Myrna asked. "Does he know?"

Hermione nodded.

"And what did he say?"

She thought back to when she had told Harry about her meeting with McGonagall. "He said...he didn't say anything," she realized. "He completely changed the subject."

Myrna and Ginny exchanged a glance that Hermione was quick to catch.

"What?" she demanded. "Do you think he avoided answering me on purpose?"

Myrna nodded. "I do indeed," the arithmancy professor confessed.

"I think I know why," Ginny said softly.

"What?" Hermione asked.

The redhead stood and walked over to the windows. "They're still in love with each other," Ginny revealed. "No matter how much they say that they're not, that it's over and they're done with each other.... Five years is a lot to just forget about. I know Draco hasn't forgotten...."

Hermione felt sadness grab at her heart. This feeling was becoming more and more common and she hated it. Every time she was reminded of Harry and Draco's past, she felt as though there was something inside of her, crushing her heart.

"Things change in time," Hermione replied shakily, using Harry's phrase.

"Hermione, you've told him for Merlin-knows-how-many years that you're in love with him, but he let you go after you quit talking to him. He hasn't let Draco go."

Hermione shook her head, fighting the realization that Ginny was making her see. "He loves me," she insisted. "He says he does."

"I know," Ginny replied. "But he'll never look at you the way he does Draco. I don't want to hurt you, Hermione, you know you're like a sister to me, but I can't see you get hurt by the fact that Harry's heart belongs to Draco and no matter what, neither us, nor Ayden, is going to change that.

"That's why things never work between Draco and I, Hermione. I've known about those two longer than anyone else has. I knew from the day they got together, I was there. I was the only person they told about the break up. I was the only person who Draco ever went to for advice when it came to Harry or even with his goddamn cure! I know how you feel right now believe me, Hermione, I do. But they're both pulling away from us, and we would be better off to realize that and get ourselves out before they kill us with their goddamn lies and bullshit!"

Both Ginny and Hermione were crying now, both seeing that what Ginny was saying was the truth. They knew that there was no room for them in either man's heart, but that didn't change the fact that neither of them would be giving up on the one they loved any time soon.

Hermione had loved Harry for what felt like her whole life. She couldn't remember a time before that feeling and she didn't want to know what the world would be like if she ever stopped loving him.

But Ginny was right. She knew that now.

"Finally you two see the truth," Myrna whispered.

Both heartbroken women turned to her and glared.

"What do you know?" they both demanded.

"More than you think I do. Do you honestly think you two are the first two to get caught up in something like this? You're not," she spat angrily. "Sorry to burst your bubbles, but you're not the first women to fall in love with men who were in love with someone else. I've been there. I can see it coming from a mile away when it's someone other than myself. Don't you two realize that?"

"Who?" Ginny demanded. "Who have you loved who was in love with someone else?"

"Ben was in love with a man named Ashton. He was my best friend. Now he has a son he will never know about."

"You have to tell him," Hermione said, grateful that Myrna's story was coming out at last.

"I can't," Myrna said forcefully. "There is now way on this earth that I can tell him the truth about Charley. I would if I could, but the truth would absolutely crush him. He's been gay ever since we were five years old, there's no way I could do this to him. It's better that he doesn't know.

"In your case, Harry was bound to find out sooner or later, you had to tell him. I do not."

Hermione confronted Harry that night.

"Are you or are you not willing to be with me as more than just your friend, Harry?" she asked, walking into his room without knocking.

He looked up from his paperwork and stared at her in confusion. "I thought I already was," he said slowly. "More than your friend, I mean."

"You are, but I have a feeling you're not in this as much as I am," Hermione rectified. "You're still in love with him."

Harry sighed and sat back. "I will always be in love him, Hermione," Harry confessed. "But things are different now. Both of us have agreed that there is no going back. There's only the future now, Hermione. I quit living in the past when I moved on with my life."

"So what about you and I living out on the grounds like Hagrid does," Hermione suggested. "I'll talk to Hagrid, and maybe he and Madam Maxime will look after Ayden."

"Hermione," Harry said, trying to stop her.

She ignored him and continued.

"It'll be great to have him back for longer than just a weekend," she said wistfully. "I'll bet mum and dad will be pleased. They've been saying that Ayden needs to be with his mother, not his grandparents or someone they don't even know."

"Hermione," Harry tried again.

"And I'll bet Ron will be thrilled about it as well. He always said that I should just quit teaching and raise Ayden but I've never been able to walk away from this place without looking back."

"Hermione," Harry practically yelled.

"What?" she asked.

"No," he answered.

"What?" she asked. "Why?"

"In case you've forgotten, I'm kind of new at this whole father role. I've got to ease into this and there is no way you are going to force me into being there full time right now.

"And bringing Ayden here to live with us full time isn't going to keep me here either. You'll push me further away if you do that."

"But Harry..."

"Look, Hermione," he said sounding really angry. She could see his eyes grow darker and he stood up so that he was closer to being level with her. "I said no," he insisted darkly. "I've got much more going on right now that just an ex-lover I can't get out of my head. There's more than you, Ayden, and me. I can't do this right now, and I'd appreciate it if you would just quit it with your idea of us coming together and being one big happy family."

Hermione could feel the tears burn at her eyes and she forced herself to stay right where she was.

"Be patient with me, love," Harry pleaded. "Things change in time."

"How much time?" Hermione demanded, furious with all of the harsh truths of the day.

"I don't know," Harry confessed. She could tell that he was hiding from her again. "But I promise you, they do change."

"Someday, Harry, I'll be the one who changes. I'll be the one finding out that you're not worth my time. I'll be the one who doesn't love you."

"I've already told you that I'm not worth all of the effort you've put into me over the years, Hermione," he said, not at all fazed by what she had said.

He walked over to the door and opened it. "Tonight is not a good night," he informed her. "I've got loads of work to do, and you've got some things to think about."

"Can't I just stay?" she asked.

Harry smiled slightly but shook his head. "Not tonight," he said.

Slowly, she left the room, feeling as though he were trying to break up with her without actually doing it.

"I'll see you tomorrow then?" she asked as she reached him.

He nodded and kissed her forehead before she left, feeling slightly reassured by it.

She lay awake that night, staring at the ceiling and wondering if Harry would ever grow to love her like she loved him.

She sighed heavily, the doubt beginning to seep into her heart like a poison. She was beginning to think that he never would, but that wouldn't stop her desperate heart from trying.

"Harry said no," Hermione said to Ginny and Myrna the next day.

"He said no?" Ginny demanded. "Why?"

"He says that bringing Ayden here won't do anything to keep him here. He said that he needed to ease into being a father and that forcing him into parenthood would push him further away."

"He's avoiding it," Myrna said.

"How do you know?" Ginny asked.

"It's called experience."

"But you said that--"

"I've been on dates with other men, Hermione," Myrna said, interrupting her. "Don't you think I would know?"

"I can't lose him," Hermione whispered. "I just can't."

"Don't you understand?" Myrna asked softly. "You never had him to begin with. I'm not saying this to hurt you Hermione, I'm saying this so you'll understand that you need to let Harry go. You need to back up, break up, and stay that way. Harry's in love with Draco, we've established this, and you're in love with Harry. Harry's not going to change overnight, and maybe even not in time, as I hear he always says. The point I'm trying to make is that you're bound to change before he does. You need to change before he does. It's the only way you're going to have any hope of his being in Ayden's life."

"But Draco says that he doesn't want to go back."

"Ginny, how often has Draco lied to you?" Myrna asked.

Ginny fell silent for a few minutes. "But he...he seems so sure this time, you know?" she asked. "He's saying that it's never going to go back to being what it was because they're two different people now. He can't go back. He wouldn't even know what he was going back to if he did!"

"Love is blind," Myrna whispered, a sadness rarely seen lacing her voice.

"She wants to bring Ayden here to live," Hermione heard Harry saying as she walked by his office. "I don't know what to do--I've already told her I don't think it's a good idea."

"Did you say that you didn't think it was a good idea or did you tell her no?" the voice of Draco Malfoy asked. Hermione stopped to listen.

"Okay, so I told her no," Harry said correcting himself. "But either way I don't think it's a good idea. For one, I'm not ready to be a father. I was perfectly content not being a father. You know that more than anyone else."

Draco let out a bitter laugh. "Only because we couldn't," he said softly. "I think that was what led to my telling you that it was over..."

"What?" Harry asked.

Hermione heard a heavy sigh from the office. "After the mediwitch told us that it wasn't possible, I freaked out. You didn't know because I never let it show around you. But I started thinking about what a waste it would be to have your looks be lost to the world forever because of me. Part of the reason I left you wasn't because I didn't want you to see me die," he confessed, "because Merlin knows I'm terrified of facing it alone, but I wanted you to forget about me so that you could go have a wonderful life with the million kids you wanted. Harry, you can have that now. Don't waste your time on me."

"God, you sound like me," Harry whispered.

"How so?" Draco asked.

"I keep telling Hermione that I'm not worth the time and energy she puts into me. She insists that I am, until last night anyway."

"What happened last night?"

"She warned me that one day she would be the one who changed and she wouldn't love me anymore."

"And?"

Hermione heard another sigh. "In all honesty, for her sake, I hope that day comes soon."

Hermione felt tears burn at her eyes. She ran.